Hagelin 23a pg. 1. I. Intro

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1 Hagelin 23a pg. 1 I. Intro Dear Friends in Christ, in today s Second Reading, Saint Paul sums up the way we are to treat one another. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no evil to the neighbor. Examples this week: I was heartened in the wake of Hurricane Harvey, to read stories and see pictures of people coming together and helping strangers. And we in some way can participate in this today with our 2 nd Collection going to help them. With our Bishops, I was disheartened by how the cancellation of DACA seems to be a failure to love. We can participate in this too in a way, and at the end of Mass I will present you with something you can do to inform yourself and potentially help immigrants & migrants. But I lay these causes aside now, because our First Reading and Gospel today focus on a very specific & important & difficult way we are called to love neighbor. Honestly, I quake in my boots when I hear this passage from Ezekiel: If you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way, the wicked shall die for his guilt, but I will hold you responsible for his death. I don t know exactly what that means, but it sure doesn t sound good. I can think of several unpopular teachings of Jesus and the Church that I have never preached directly about and any pastor would be foolish not to wonder if this judgment applies to him. Saying things people don t like hearing is hard, but love of neighbor, kindness; is not to be confused with I m okay, you re okay niceness. REAL love and kindness desires the true spiritual and human flourishing of others; and that love must include a willingness to speak the truth in love: boldly challenging the status quo or our culture s prevailing attitude or assumptions, and at times addressing an individual s specific conduct, just as Jesus consistently did.

2 Hagelin 23a pg. 2 II. Gossip 1 Because Christians bear this difficult responsibility, Jesus mercifully explains today exactly HOW to correct someone. It must be first noted here that the sequence laid out here absolutely rules out gossip. We must always be careful in speaking about others especially if it contains anything negative, that being said there is a difference between gossip and venting. VENTING: If we are sharing our burdens or hurt with someone safe so we don t have to carry it alone or seeking wise counsel before a difficult decision that is venting and not necessarily wrong, even if this conversation touches upon another person s sins. But you must be prudent and choose a safe person to vent with. GOSSIPING: if you are sharing Tommy s misdeeds with Sally to recruit Sally to be on your side against Tommy, that s gossip. If you get a rush from sharing a juicy tidbit, or the information is embarrassing, it is almost certainly gossip. If you share ANYTHING negative about another person just to share it is gossip. Make sense? Again, today St. Paul said: Love does no evil to the neighbor, gossip and slander does evil to our neighbor. III. Confrontation Gone Wrong: Predator Avoiding gossip is the straightforward lesson of today s Gospel. The tricky part is knowing what conduct requires intervention, and how to intervene in a way most likely to be fruitful. There is no clear Church teaching on this, but allow me to offer my thoughts. To get there, however, I think I need to draw a picture of conflict going wrong, using the highly revered film Predator (at least highly revered among Arnold Schwarzenegger fans such as myself). Predator came out 30 years ago, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as an ex-special- Forces commando named Dutch. Dutch and his team are now mercenaries Soldiers of Fortune. If some of you younger folks are not familiar with Predator, there is a reboot coming out next summer. 1 My take here is informed by Fr. Mike Schmidt s video, especially the concept of recruiting

3 Hagelin 23a pg. 3 Anyway, in the story, the CIA hires Dutch s team for a hostage rescue in the jungles of Central America. Upon getting off the helicopter in the jungle, however, things soon begin going wrong because the CIA lied about the real mission. Consequently, Dutch s team faces much heavier combat and enemy opposition than expected. Dutch s team nonetheless completes the mission, but on the way back to the chopper or helicopter extraction point things go much worse when a vicious Alien (the Predator) begins stalking them through the jungle, and picking them off one-by-one. You may find this totally irrelevant to today s Gospel; but well illustrates conflict gone wrong: Going in without the facts either because of lack of preparation or being misled; having to adapt when things don t go as expected, and finally something alien you couldn t possibly have prepared for. That actually characterizes about every regular conflict I have been in. IV. Preparation for Confrontation So back to the Gospel: the strategy to avoid confrontation going wrong blowing up in your face then, is 1. Prepare: have all the facts possible. Pray over the situation in advance. 2. Check Your Sources: if your facts came from someone motivated to influence your view of the person in question, you might be set-up; there are two sides to every story. 3. Adaptability: you have to be ready to adapt if as you engage in correcting someone the facts change, or the person responds unexpectedly. 4. Retreat: be ready to back out - get to the chopper if you encounter a lot of resistance: meaning the person is totally closed to receiving what you are saying. 5. Get back-up : after retreating, consider the next step Jesus proposed in today s Gospel: is this important enough to bring someone else in to engage in this confrontation again?

4 Hagelin 23a pg. 4 V. What s Worth Confronting? That brings us to the final question today. What conduct, and by whom, are we possibly responsible to confront? Again, no easy answer. And now maybe call to mind a regal or hypothetical situation you could foresee needed intervention as I offer my own thoughts or guidelines. I think that to qualify for potential correction a person s conduct should be: 1. Quite harmful to someone s well-being; OR it is putting the perpetrator s own eternal life in jeopardy. 2. Generally, though not always, this conduct is ongoing. 3. Generally, though not always, the perpetrator underestimates or is unaware of the harm being done. Examples of instances that would NOT warrant confrontation or correction: 1. If you do not have a real relationship with them, you re probably not the right person. 2. If you are self-righteous or angry, you re not the right person; at least not until you can approach it from a place of love. 3. If someone has merely inconvenienced you by neglecting some duty, or has hurt you by failing to be courteous or thoughtful you should probably bear those wrongs patiently. 4. Never correct another person s PARENTING unless absolutely necessary. Examples of instances you are possibly responsible to confront and need to pray about: 1. Family members trapped in abusive, manipulative or toxic relationships & marriages. 2. Favoritism, unequal treatment, bigotry. 3. Addiction. 4. A loved one who is committing serious sin; but is either unaware of it, or is not yet hardened in it. 5. Breaches in Church discipline like getting married outside the Church, or receiving Holy Communion when one should not. 6. Anyone who has hurt you deeply, with whom reconciliation is desirable and possible. While we must forgive people even when they are NOT sorry or have not apologized,

5 Hagelin 23a pg. 5 RECONCILIATION requires the hurt inflicted be faced and owned by the person who hurt us. VI. Conclusion Brothers and Sisters, above all today s readings say that loving our neighbor includes speaking the truth in love that means seeking reconciliation when we have hurt OR been hurt by another. Loving neighbor means having the courage to confront someone we love. The process the Lord Jesus presents today, is both very practical, and very difficult; but anything worth doing is difficult. Our coming to greater holiness as individuals & to greater communion as a human family is of immense, eternal importance and it is worth the effort. Our efforts at holiness and communion are fruitful only with the Lord Jesus grace and help. So as we celebrate the Eucharist today; let us ask His help to grow in love and communion with one another. Praised be Jesus Christ.