MAKING LIFE WORK: FAMILY MATTERS EPHESIANS 5:21-6:4 JANUARY 4, 2015

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1 1 MAKING LIFE WORK: FAMILY MATTERS EPHESIANS 5:21-6:4 JANUARY 4, 2015 First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Sally with the baby carriage. Back in the dark ages that little rhyme was used to heckle young boys and girls who liked each other. There would be great embarrassment, because at younger ages it wasn t cool to like the opposite sex. So the rhyme was a method of harassment. But at least the harassment got things in a certain sort of order. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Sally with the baby carriage. Today it doesn t often work that way. All too often the baby carriage comes all by itself. In 2012, almost 41% of all births in the US were to unmarried mothers. And that s AFTER the over 1 million abortions that take place each year. And every study shows that those children born out of wedlock face a statistically higher chance of doing poorly in school, struggling with mental and emotional issues, having trouble with drugs and alcohol, experiencing periods of poverty, and spending time behind bars. They re also statistically less likely to come to know Jesus as Savior and Lord. It s not just childbearing, but the whole family thing that is in disarray these days. The term dysfunctional has become a routine part of our vocabulary. It is a rarity that I perform a wedding for a couple where neither of them has been previously married and/or are they are not living together. It is now so pervasive that we don t expect, and perhaps don t even HOPE, for anything different. But I submit to you that, as followers of Jesus, we CAN expect and hope for more. We CAN work toward healthier marriages and families. God has given us some wonderful wisdom in the Bible. He lends his own guidance and strength to us through his Holy Spirit, and he gave us to one another in the church, where we can find mutual support, encouragement, mentoring, and prayer to help us get through the hard times. Marriage was the first and most foundational human institution, brought into being when God first created man and woman. The creation story suggests marriage is given by God for companionship, for bearing and raising children, for sharing life and work. (Ge.1-2) But marriage and family can be challenging to do well. In Paul s letter to the church in Ephesus there is a helpful block of instructions all about marriage and family relationships. I ll begin with the verse most familiar to most people. EPHESIANS 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your husbands. Men love this verse, but are afraid to say so, because they might get hurt.

2 Women hate this verse, but are afraid to say so, because it s in the Bible. So we don t usually do anything with it. Not even read it. But there it is, still in our Bibles. What does this verse really mean? A close examination of the original Greek language reveals its true meaning: Wives, submit to your husbands. It means submit! Serve them. I m sorry. I know that s not what you wanted to hear. But that s what it says. Serve your husbands as to the Lord, that is, as you would serve Jesus himself. Seek what is truly in his best interest, and do your best to provide it for him. Surprise him with acts of kindness and gifts of grace. Serve your husbands as to the Lord. I have to add that this does not mean you re supposed to be doormat in an abusive relationship. In fact, I would suggest that putting up with abusive relationship is NOT the truly loving thing to do. Putting up with it allows the abuser to continue on their sinful way, ignoring and rebelling against the will of God, actively rejecting the way of following Christ. The sad fact is, without a radical intervention abusers will keep on abusing, usually getting worse with time. Oh, there are often apologies, even tearful apologies, and promises to never do it again. And for a little while, everything seems to be better. But gradually the pressure builds until, once again, the lid blows. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important that you get out as soon as possible. Do not allow the dynamic to continue. And if you have children in the home, it is doubly imperative that you get them out immediately. They are witnessing the abuse. They re learning a sick dynamic, which they re likely to repeat in their adulthood. And they might become victims of that same abuse, if they re not already. Get out now. If you feel powerless and unable, turn to trusted Christian friends for help. Paul s instruction to submit to your husbands must never be read as an excuse for continuing abuse. Now, after this uncomfortable instruction to wives, Paul turns to give instructions to husbands. EPHESIANS 5:25-33 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 2

3 3 What does that sound like to you? Gave himself up for her. Was Jesus selfish, demanding or overbearing.? Was he focused on what I want? What you can do for me? These instructions sound selfless, even sacrificial, action for the sake of your wife. That sounds a lot like service. Husbands, serve your wives. It sounds a lot like what wives are supposed to do for their husbands. This was unheard of in the ancient world. Back then the instructions to submit and to serve always went only to the wives. And Paul starts there, with the familiar teaching. But then he turns around and calls husbands to serve their wives in sacrificial ways. There is an all-too-often forgotten verse that comes prior to all of this. EPHESIANS 5:21 Submit to one another. Serve each other. Notice it does not say, You submit to him to long as he also submits to you. And it does not say, Submit to one another when you feel like it. It just says, Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Loving service in the name of Jesus. Selfless, sacrificial loving service in the name of Jesus. What might that look like in your home and marriage? In what ways could you bless your spouse? In what ways could you serve their well-being, even if it demands something significant from you? That kind of selflessness is what Christian love is all about. And it is what can make a marriage last a lifetime. Now, a dirty little secret: This kind of love is not natural. We can t do it on our own for long. But with God s help all things are possible. We can call on the Holy Spirit to give us the power to love and the guidance to apply that love in the best ways. And when we do, it is wonderful. This thing of asking the Holy Spirit to help us love each other brings another dynamic into the picture that is too often missing in discussions on marriage: God, and our faith in God. The book of Ecclesiastes has a passage talking about the goodness and importance of human relationships. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? And though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ec.4:9-12) A threefold cord. What do you think that third strand is?

4 4 In a Christian marriage it is God. A threefold strand is not quickly broken. With God s help you can love each other in ways that reflects the love of Christ for his church. That love is the whole family dynamic that Paul is calling for. And not just between husband and wife, but also between parents and their children. EPHESIANS 6:1-4 Paul s instructions for children were pretty standard fair in that day, and the desire of parents even in this day. It is related to one of the Ten Commandments is, Honor your father and mother. And it s the first commandment with a promise, that you shall live long in the land. (Ex.20:12) Sometimes that s read as a veiled threat from a parent to a child, If you obey me, I ll let you live long enough to grow up. But in reality, it is a blessing from God. It is a way of drawing attention to how important this commandment really is. What is unique in Paul s instructions regarding the relationship between parents and children is that he puts a restriction on parents: Don t exasperate your children. In that day all the instructions typically went to the children to obey and honor parents. But, as he did with husbands and wives, he crossed over to the other side. Parents, don t exasperate your children. True confessions: How many of you can recall moments when you reacted to your children s misbehavior more out of anger than out of loving concern for their well-being? Every parent has been there. Usually because we waited and waited and waited, and let the pressure build up until - POW! - you exploded. A lot of times we wait and wait thinking we ll persuade our kids with logic, or because we ve been so patient they ll like us. In fact, it s often more loving and more constructive to draw a clear line early and stick to it. And when the line is crossed, there must be immediate consequences. The Bible says it this way, Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them. (Pr.13:24) Notice, it s not to express your anger, and not just to punish, but to discipline them. Or you might decide it s not an issue worth going to the mat. You have to pick your battles. Either of those is a better option than the explosion. I know, easier said than done. But it s true. That s why a particularly significant commandment for parenting is, Thou shalt not kill. (Ex.20:13) Kidding sort of. And I would be remiss if I did not talk about the importance of parents giving spiritual nurture for their children.

5 The Old Testament is consistent in urging parents to teach their children the stories of God saving works. One of the most important passages in the Old Testament is called the Shema. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (By the way, Jesus said this was the greatest command.) The text goes on, These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Dt.6:4-5) Impress them on your children. Notice it does not say delegate that to the children s minister or the Sunday school teacher. Talk about it at home. Talk about it everywhere. And Paul says, in his letter to Ephesus, Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. I have memories of my mom every night at bedtime reading Bible stories and teaching me to pray, Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep God bless Mama and Daddy, God bless Gamma and Grandpa, God bless Papa and Grandma, God bless Adele (my sister), God bless Bootsie (our dog), and whoever else I could think to God bless. I can still see her Bible study materials strewn across the kitchen table. Whenever the church was open both my parents made sure we were there: Sunday school, youth group, youth choir, the youth softball team, worship. My dad always served as an usher up in the balcony, where the youth used to sit. His role was to make sure we were paying attention rather than cutting up and distracting others. Anyone who got a bit too active would feel a large hand on their shoulder. They saw to it that the seeds of the gospel were sewn into our lives. Please do the same for your children. Don t just put them in Sunday school, but attend Sunday school yourself. Your modeling is at least as important as what you make them do. The Christian faith is more caught than taught. Ask them what they re learning in their class, and tell them what you re learning. Talk about it at home, and in the car, and wherever, so they know the Bible is not something to isolate in this building on Sunday mornings, but is a guide for everyday life. Teach your children the importance of worship, by being a worshiper and getting them involved in worship. Teach them the importance of prayer and Bible reading by being a pray-er and a student of the Bible. A family, when it is done God s way, becomes a fellowship of love where the Holy Spirit resides. 5

6 Almost like a little church. What a great place to live! What a great place for children to grow up! What would it take to move your family a little close to that? 6