Ulysses East London Newsletter May 2017

Transcription

1 Ulysses East London Newsletter May 2017 Hi All Another busy month with rallies and the likes. Notably Africa Bike Week, Bulldog Rally and our National Rally. Plus a busy weekend ahead see the last article which may be of interest to some of you. Africa Bike Week was anticipated with some sceptics being quite negative. However the Buffalo Municipality delivered from their side and the event went down well with those who attended. The display of tents, hosting a variety of merchandise, crafts, food stalls, beer tents etc, was well laid out. Ride a Harley and learn to ride offers were well supported. Geoff and I rode a Harley with both our spouses declining to pillion. Once again, it was an experience with the same result. Once again, we preferred and appreciated our own mounts by a long way. The music was very good with some excellent guitarists impressing a lot of people. For me the Parlourtones were the favourites. The rally was entertaining and quite an experience for a lot of local people who had not witnessed such an event before. After the lucky draw on Saturday night, the rally seemed to be over. Chris Phillips (a farmer) won the Harley that was drawn from the entries to the Africa Bike Week. The mass ride attendance by the motorcyclists on Sunday was very disappointing. With Monday being a holiday, most out-of-towners set off early Sunday for their trip home. Obviously towing a trailer is as tiring as riding a Harley. The mass ride was a simple route leaving from the beachfront, down the North Expressway, looping though Gonubie before returning to the rally site. No attendance figures were giving but, on Saturday night at the main stage, a figure of over was announced. The mass ride only yielded a little over 300 bikes which was partly boosted by local riders joining in. In my opinion, next year will be better after fine tuning a few hiccups and the positive feedback from those attending. Another distraction to ABW was the hosting of a rally in Margate on the same weekend by some obviously sour organisers on losing the much vaunted Africa Bike Week.

2 A few pictures from Africa Bike Week

3 The Bulldog Rally was held in Kei Mouth a week after Africa Bike Week in East London. I heard numbers were a bit down but a great rally nevertheless. Feedback was good and those not attending missed a super rally. One of the trikes to catch my eye (not because it was red) is shown below.

4 Have a laugh. some oldies A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman Which book has helped you most in your life? The woman replied My husband s cheque book!! A prospective husband in a book store asked Do you have a book called, Husband the Master of the House? Sales Girl: Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!. Someone asked an old man : Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Luv. What s the secret? Old man: I forgot her name and I m scared to ask her. Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, so I d be in your hands all day. Husband : I wish that too, so I could have a new one every day! Husband to wife Today is a fine day. Next day he repeats : Today is a fine day. Again, the next day he says the same thing. Finally after a week, the wife couldn t take it anymore and asks: for the last week, you have said Today is a fine day". I am fed up. What s the matter? Husband : Last week, when we had an argument, you said, I will leave you one fine day. I was trying to remind you " Hmmm Lawyers Don't Lie. A Lawyer Had A Wife And 12 Children And Needed To Move As His Rental Agreement Was Coming To An End For The Home Where He Lived But Was Having Difficulty In Finding A New Home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would Rent A Home To Him because they knew that the Children Would Destroy The Home. He could not say that he had no children, He Could Not Lie, After all, Lawyers Cannot And Do Not Lie. So, he had an idea : he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent. He liked one of the homes and the agent asked : "How Many Children Do You Have? He answered : "12 children. The agent asked "Where are the others? The Lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the Cemetery with their Mother.

5 And that's the way he was able to Rent A Home For His Family Without Lying. MORAL : It is not Necessary To Lie, One Only Has To Choose The Right Words. Lawyers Don't Lie...They Are Creative... and don't forget: Most politicians are lawyers... I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age but eventually, there she was, standing beside me. I gave her a loving smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing three cartons of beer for the price of two. First time actor gets a small part in a play. All he has to say is "hark I hear the cannons roar!". He practices the line over and over hundreds of times at home nervous of making a mistake. It's such a small part he doesn't need to attend rehearsals. On opening night he is running late. He dashes into the theatre. "Who are you", says the makeup person. "Hark I hear the cannons roar!" he pants, so she quickly does the makeup. He runs to the wings. "Who are you?" snarls the stage manager "hark I hear the cannons roar!". "Oh yes. Quickly go on stage the curtain is going up!" The spotlight is on our actor. Suddenly there is a mighty bang. He jumps two feet into the air and screams "What was that?"

6 I just discovered my age group! I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. I don't have to go to school. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into everywhere. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? And I don't have acne. Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager. Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise. SO THERE!! I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. Remember the Ulysses Vic Falls Indaba July 2017

7 I was buying mangoes at the junction, and whilst waiting for change I saw an older woman with a little child. The child was walking a bit faster than the woman, and the woman shouted; "Degree, wait for me!" I was amazed hearing that name. So to satisfy my curiosity, I walked closer to the woman and asked, "Madam, why do you call this child Degree?" The woman laughed and said, "I sent her mother to university, and this is what she brought home!" 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

8 EVENTS BIRTHDAYS MAY th Hams Club 18h30 28 th Bikers Ball 28 th Steytlerville JUNE TH Club night JUNE th Dirk Stoffberg 27th Sue Twissell JULY th Janice Thompson 6 th Graham Thompson 11 th Queenstown Ulysses Padbraai 23 rd Club night 25 th Run to Cintsa Bistro THIS WEEKEND ITEMS OF INTEREST TO ME SATURDAY SUNDAY 10h00 Meet at SASOL for ride to Shane Luck funeral 10h00 Airshow at Wings Park 12:00 England vs SA (ODI) 14h00 F1 Monaco qualifying 16h00 World Superbike race 1 17h00 Sharks vs Stormers 9h00 Charity Run (Salvation Army) Meet Highgate Hotel ride to Hams 10h00 Airshow at Wings Park 14h00 F1 Monaco qualifying 16h00 World Superbike race 1 17h30 Indy h00 Chelsea vs Arsenal (final) In closing just an idea I would like each member to send me a picture of his bike. If you have more than one bike, send just a pic of your favourite one. Thank you for those sending contributions for this newsletter.