Rigel learns value of life

Transcription

1 Rigel learns value of life Star Tecumseh wrestler overcomes attempted suicide Living is wrestler's biggest victory By Kermit Rowe Staff Writer Friday, February 27, 2009 His grade-point average was over a 4.0 while taking all honors classes. He was already the winningest wrestler in Tecumseh High School history, and he was just a junior. He had just stunned the prep wrestling world by finishing as the Division I state runnerup at the 145-pound weight class, coming just four points short of preventing Youngstown Austintown-Fitch's Tony Jameson from becoming just the 16th four-time state champ in Ohio wrestling history. Extremely popular among his peers, T.J. Rigel seemed to have everything. But on one dark day in late April of 2008, he decided it wasn't enough. Rigel attempted to hang himself. Successful at nearly everything he did, Rigel was unsuccessful at what a number of our teenagers have tragically managed to do. But through his ensuing fight for life, then his struggle to recover mentally and physically, Rigel learned some life lessons he wants to pass on to all who will listen. "The way things were explained to me, I got extremely lucky," Rigel said in an interview with the News -Sun on Wednesday, Feb. 25. "There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. But I don't let it get to me. I know it was a mistake. "I'm 18 years old and I don't know everything," he continued. "But now I do know what not to do. "I hope no one's life ever gets so bad that they think about doing it." Rigel realizes how close he came to not being here.

2 "From what I understand, I wasn't supposed to live, and that scares me," Rigel said. "It scares me that I got caught up in the moment and took it that far." 'Caught up in the moment' Focusing on momentary woes was where Rigel stumbled. "A lot of it was between school and working real hard in wrestling," he said. "I built up a lot of negative feelings in me. With playing football for the first time, wrestling and taking all honors classes, it was just too much." He paused for a moment, then added: "I was just going through some hard times." Then he forged on, in the relentless style he has become known for on the mats. "I got focused on things that probably wouldn't matter 10 years down the road," he admitted. "You've got to think about your future. Long-term goals should always come first. "I'd love to win the state title. I want it real bad. But I want that degree more." Rigel plans to study pre-law, get a major in philosophy, then go to law school. In his estimation, his future is again bright not that it ever wasn't. That's because in the long months that followed his suicide attempt, Rigel did some soul-searching. He came across a personality trait that he used to excel, but also had a dark side. "I'm a passionate person in a lot of things I do," he said. "But it's not a good thing to use passion in certain areas. "It was something that helped me as a wrestler. But I realize that sometimes it's better to be a thinker than an actor. "It forced me to grow up." Why tell his story? Part of that growing up process for Rigel came Wednesday, when he shared his ordeal for all to hear. He hopes that perhaps it will reach another person who is contemplating what he attempted. That's why he's so open. That and the strength he has gotten from the unwavering support he has received from family and friends.

3 "People have been pretty cool about it," Rigel said. "It doesn't get brought up too much. Maybe people associate my name with it, but it doesn't bother me. "I'm a pretty loose person," he added. "There's not anything that I would talk about in my home that I wouldn't talk about in anyone else's home." Setting priorities It took nearly the entire summer for Rigel to recover. Early on, doctors wondered if he ever would. But Rigel progressed. After it became clear that he would not die, it was still touch and go as far as what the lingering effects would cost him. He was finally cleared in midsummer. "With everything that he went through and being in the hospital, he's really lucky to be wrestling," said veteran wrestling coach Scott Herbert, in his 18th year at the Arrows' helm. "I know he doesn't look like it like that. But in the summer, the diagnosis was he may not be able to do anything physically ever again. "He's is back to being himself now, but I still don't know if he's 100 percent yet." That's because Rigel got off to such a late start for this, his senior season by choice. "I ended up taking the whole summer off and the whole fall off," he said. "I love wrestling, and it is my passion, but it had to wait. "To be honest, I wanted to get back into it. But I wanted to take the time off, too," he continued. "Mentally, I wasn't there yet. "Wrestling is not like a lot of other sports. You have to want it. I believe the guy who wants it the most gets it." A 'frustrating' season Rigel's record going into today's Division I district tournament at Fairfield is That's not a bad record for most, considering the level of talent he has lost to. But it is not good enough for him. "I don't think I've had as good a year, but not because of it," said Rigel, referring to the lasting effects of his suicide attempt. "Being a senior, I haven't been taking it as being as meaningful to me. I've still been trying hard and working hard in matches; I'm just not as intense as I was. "I started out slow this season. I took a bunch of losses I shouldn't have taken. Those 'off matches' can be dangerous. But I feel I've finally got the ball rolling a little bit."

4 That may be because Rigel has discovered that he has become a different person through all of this. Therefore, he is a different wrestler. "I used to harbor some immature anger," he admitted. "I'd get angry at things for immature reasons, then take it and use it on the mat. It hurts me a little bit not to have it now. "I can still be as good a wrestler," he added. "But because I'm a different person, I have to learn a different way to be successful." So success has been redefined. "The kid hates to lose, and he's probably the fiercest competitor I've ever had," Herbert said. "But with what he's been through, anything he achieves this season for me is a bonus. Because we came real close to losing him." Still, the journey back has been hard. "It's been a frustrating year for him," Herbert said. "He's put a lot of pressure on himself. The state runner-up finish last year has put a little pressure on him. He's cracked a little this year, and he's aware of that, but he's making adjustments to deal with that." Herbert is confident Rigel will succeed again. "Until this happened last year, he was over a 4.0 (GPA) student," he said. "So he is not just a kid that's about one thing. But for all that he's gone through, he's still a good kid. "I think he can do anything he puts his mind to. If he stays focused, he can achieve anything he wants." A career still intact Rigel currently owns a career record, eclipsing the school record for wins by 39. According to Herbert, Rigel holds the record for most near falls, most wins in a season and most wins as a freshman and as a sophomore. He's also close to breaking the Tecumseh mark for most career pins. The Arrows' first four-time sectional champion, he can become his school's first threetime state qualifier if he finishes in the top four at this weekend's districts. And he'll still have his goal of a state title within reach. Rigel realizes he's been given a second chance, for which he is very grateful.

5 "I talk about it a lot with my family," he said. "It was a mistake. It happened. But I think I became a better person for it. In the long run, it helped me more than it hurt me. "Obviously I did do it, and I wouldn't tell anyone else to do it. "But I'm pretty open about it. I'm not the only person to ever have those feelings." He just hopes he's the last one who will act on them the way he did that dark day at the end of last April. Contact this reporter at (937) or krowe@coxohio.com.