Things that matter most..

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1 Things that matter most.. If this is a good idea why is it Jody VanDrimmelen so hard? Jody VanDrimmelen, LMSW Free powerpoint template: 2 Free powerpoint template: 3 Free powerpoint template: 4 Perfect Family Free powerpoint template: 5 Free powerpoint template: 6 1

2 Christmas 1978 Aubrey 4 yrs old Jeff 2 years old Randi 7 months Free powerpoint template: 7 Free powerpoint template: 8 Elder Uchdorf In the end, happiness does not spring from perfection but from applying divine principles, even in small steps. Free powerpoint template: 9 Free powerpoint template: 10 President Gordon B. Hinckley Families are falling apart all over the world. The old ties that bound together father and mother and children are breaking everywhere. Hearts are broken: children weep. SF pg 1 Free powerpoint template: 11Family The World philosophy Free powerpoint template:

3 THE FAMILY PROCLAMATION Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other. Boyd K. Packer No relationship has more potential to exalt a man and a woman than the marriage covenant. No obligation in society or in the Church supersedes it in importance. Ensign, May 1981, Free powerpoint template: 14 James E. Faust Reasons for divorce Among then are.. Selfishness, immaturity lack of commitment, inadequate communication, unfaithfulness, and all of the rest, which are obvious and well known. 15 In my experience there is another reason which seems not so obvious. It is the lack of a constant enrichment in marriage. It is an absence of that something extra which makes it precious, special and wonderful, when it is also drudgery, difficult ad dull. Free powerpoint template: 16 Family Proclamation Children are an heritage of the Lord. Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives mothers and fathers will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. Free powerpoint template: 17 President Ezra Taft Benson "Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it best." "Salvation--A Family Affair," Ensign, July 1992, 4 Free powerpoint template:

4 How much attention have you given to your relationships this past week? During courtship, couples often spend much time together. They focus on their relationship and seek to fulfill each others needs. They often express affection by showing kindness and respect, being generous sharing goals and values, spending time together, giving compliments, talking and listening, giving gifts, remembering special occasions, and sending love notes, letter and cards. TSM PG Free powerpoint template: 20 President Spencer W. Kimball Love cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness. Marriage and Divorce, 23 Free powerpoint template: 21 Elder Marlin K. Jensen Enticing voices will speak to us of worldly achievements and acquisitions that may lead us on dangerous detours from which we can return only with great effort. Small, seemingly, insignificant choices along the way will have large consequences that will determine our eventual destiny. A Union of Love and Understanding Ensign, Oct 1994, 50 Free powerpoint template: 22 The following Principles will help you to enrich your family.. Center your marriage in the Gospel of Jesus Christ Have fun together Take time for Talk frequently and positively Perform acts of kindness Free powerpoint template: 23 Free powerpoint template:

5 Johann Wolfgang Goethe The things that matter most must not be at the mercy of the things that matter least. Russell M. Ballard If marriage [family] is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners. Time for Free powerpoint template: 25 Free powerpoint template: 26 President Hinckley Time for Together with your family, determine how much time you will spend with them and when. And then stick to it. Try not to let anything interfere. Consider it sacred. Consider it binding. Consider it an earned time of enjoyment. Talk frequently and Positively Positive (+) vs Negative (-) Communication Beginning Marriage- Honeymoon stage Talk to Worldwide Leadership Meeting, June 2003, Free powerpoint template: Magic Ratio Talk to 5 to 1 Positive to Negative 29 Happy Couples were much more positive Showing interest in what their spouse had to say Being affectionate though acts of tenderness, holding hands and expressing love Showing they cared though small acts of thoughtfulness, occasional gifts, and telephone calls. Showing appreciation by expressing thanks, giving compliments, and expressing pride in their spouse. Talk to 30 5

6 Showing concern when their spouse was troubled. Being empathetic, showing they understood and felt what their spouse was feeling. Being accepting, letting their spouse know that they accepted and respected hat she or he said, even when they disagreed with it. Sharing joy when excited or delighted. Ask Questions Invite the conversation to begin John Gottman Why Marriages Succeed or Fail pg 57 Free powerpoint template: Skills to help improve communication Listen Actively Body Language Rephrase Do not interject your own biases to make a point. Accept the other person s thought and feelings don t criticize or judge them. 33 Skills to help improve communication Share intentions I want you to know that I love you and value our relationship. There is a problem we need to discuss. I want us to resolved the problem so we will continue to feel close to and feel good about. 34 Use I Statements I feel angry instead of You make me angry I feel upset when the dishes are left in the sink and not put into the dishwasher instead of You are so lazy I statements share personal feelings and give reasons for them. You statements convey judgment, place blame are negative & often give distorted information. Speak non defensively and agree with the truth When you take responsibility for mistakes, you can calm arguments and increase your credibility. If you deny the truth, you often intensify problems and appear weak and guilty

7 Clearly state preferences Un-communicated expectations can hamper a relationship for years. When expectations are not met, individuals often feel disappointed, frustrated, and angry, even if they have not expressed their desires or expectations. Eventually they may become disillusioned with the relationship. Words of Affirmation Quality Time Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch Susan Page, The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive, Acts of Kindness 38 The Five Love Languages I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do. I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me. I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love. I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands or taking on my household chores. I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for me though physical contact. The 5 Love Languages WHO? WHAT?- The Five Love Languages.. find out which one is that persons love language by experimentation! HOW? What can you do in each area Specifically WHEN? Specifically you will try this. RECORD the response Compare and evaluate the responses see which one has the best response from your family member! Keep working to speak their love so they know how important they are to you! 39 Free powerpoint template: 40 Words of Affirmation Actions don t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, I love you, are important hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Ideas? When? Response? Free powerpoint template: 41 Give Honest Praise Reminding your partner (and yourself!) that you really admire him or her is likely to have a powerful, positive effect on the rest of your conversation. John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, pg

8 The courtship that occurs before marriage is even more essential afterward. Husband and wives help address life s challenges when they show genuine respect, kindness and affection for. Continued acts of kindness and expressions of love create strong, enduring bonds between husbands and wives. TCM pg 61 L. Tom Perry "In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities.... "We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes." "The Importance of the Family," Ensign, May 2003, 40 Free powerpoint template: 43 Free powerpoint template: Free powerpoint template: 46 Diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the world. Steven R. Covey The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. Elder Uchdorf Free powerpoint template: 47 Free powerpoint template:

9 Things that matter most.. If this is a good idea why is it Jody VanDrimmelen so hard? Jody VanDrimmelen, LMSW 9