Colossians 3:19 17 th May 2015 Hill and Arcadia Strong Relationships Husbands

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1 1 Colossians 3:19 17 th May 2015 Hill and Arcadia Strong Relationships Husbands It is fairly common amongst zealous single young Christian young men and women to compile a list of what they are looking for in a spouse. Some of the men get quite fussy and prescriptive. She needs to be someone who is not only a believer but strong in her faith and willing to give herself in ministry; someone who has an engaging personality with ability in a career; hardworking in the home and a good cook And of utmost importance she must show the characteristics of loyalty and devotion in the relationship. And then sheepishly add that she also needs to be physically attractive. All of this and more making her the ideal candidate for the next super woman movie in Hollywood. I have often wondered if the OT prophet, Hosea, had a requirements list for the wife he was praying to God for his help meet. God then one day tells him who he should marry. Hosea 1:2 When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, Go take yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom Hosea goes ahead and finds himself in a marriage with a wife of unfaithfulness. Gomer persists in her adulterous activity in the context of her marriage also having given birth to some children. And God repeats his command to Hosea in Hosea 3:1 And the Lord said to me, Go again and love a women who is loved by another man and is an adulteress v2 So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley. There are a number of lessons and messages God gives us through the life and message of this prophet Hosea. For our purposes today I want us to uncover what God intends when he speaks about the love of a husband for his wife. 1 Loving God s way Israel is the Lord s bride. Sadly, Israel is like: a promiscuous wife, an indifferent mother, an illegitimate child, and ungrateful son, a stubborn heifer, a silly dove, a luxuriant vine, and grapes in the wilderness. Yet Israel s unfaithfulness and obstinacy are not enough to exhaust God s redeeming love; that outstrips our human capacity to comprehend. Israel, God s bride, openly and actively gave herself to other gods; especially to the worship of Baal.

2 2 Baal was the weather god worshipped in Syria-Palestine, who had control over agriculture and fertility, rainfall and productivity. Ancient Israel was an agricultural society and so they were easily lured into Baal worship. Sexual activity at the Baal shrines with the cult prostitutes was expected to cause the Baals to respond in like manner to follow the worshippers by producing for them fertile seed and rain for a good crop. Since Hosea knows that God s people have joined to the Lord the worship of Baal is not just a violation of the first of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:3), it is a betrayal of that intimate and endearing union that God made with his people. Idolatry is nothing less than spiritual adultery. It is a transgression against the marriage between the Lord and Israel. The prophet unpacks and justifies the coming judgements from the hand of God; listing a whole bunch of offences that amount to the radical ingratitude of an unfaithful wife. But punishment is not ultimately what the Lord wants for his people; he desires they leave their fornication and return to the One who first loved them and can indeed provide what is for their best. Here is something about the very nature of God s love that is so different to our grasp and practice of loving. The Lord yoked himself to Israel and will not give up on her; even in the face of rampant unfaithfulness. This book of Hosea is filled with revelation of the evidences of God s love and grace toward a people who do not deserve them. So what has all of this got to do with Colossians 3:19? Everything if we really want to understand what God means when he commands husbands to love their wives and not be harsh with them. We husbands have been brain washed into understanding and practicing a way of loving that is conditional. We make promises of loving till death us do part. We even go on listing the categories that may show up along the way like poverty or illness or hardship But then along the way when the paw paw hits the fan we define the terms and conditions of what we are prepared to put up with. Husbands love you wives is not love them according to your definitions of conditional love. Instead you are to love you wives in the way that God loves.

3 3 The command to the Colossians was not erotic love (eros), or to friendship love (phileo), or natural family affection (storge) but to agape love (the love of choice or will. Agape is a love of choice, not a response to the loveliness of the object 1 John 3:16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us. W E Vine: Agape is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not always run with the natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those for whom some affinity is discovered Love seeks welfare and works no ill (this) love seeks opportunity to do good. 2 Husbands love your wives There was a tendency in the Roman world for men to rage bitterly against their wives and mistreat them. We men are normally physically stronger and have louder voices along with our sinful nature are prone to use harsh words, threats, unkindness and even physical violence to intimidate and bully our wives. In our world of relationships it is commonly believed and practiced that love is comes, like liquorice all sorts, in all shapes and sizes to meet my needs. Our tendency is to stick our hands into the packet and enjoy whatever comes our way as long as you enjoy what s on offer go for it. In the marriage that translates to: loving your wife as long as she is willing to be intimate; she has the house sorted and meals done; she sees to the children and gives you space for your stuff; she is healthy Husbands love your wives according to God is not any kind of love that you draw lines around and put all sorts of conditions, stipulations and limits, excuses and justifications in place. Imagine how uncertain your relationship with Christ would be if He only loved you when it was convenient for Him, or only when you were ticking all the righteous boxes. Hosea exposes the nature of God s love not to be conditional, that he loved us even while we rejected Him Romans 5:8. Ephesians 2 describes God s love to you in the midst of you rebellion to him. It is in that context that Paul commands husbands to love their wives Ephesians 5:25 just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her There can be no doubt that his original audience understood he was not telling husbands to love their wives if the wives deserved it, or if the husbands felt like it.

4 4 Godly love is a wilful commitment to self-sacrifice, and it is not at all based on how you may feel at any point about the object of your love. 2.1 Love your wife sacrificially Husbands we have leadership responsibility which implies authority; but our approach in taking up the task of leading our wives is in the first instance one of sacrificial love. You wife is not your personal servant or skivvy at your every beck and call. She is your help meet or team mate to fulfil God s design and purpose for you as a family. This loving approach in leadership requires that we husbands die to self. It is a call to you and me to crucify ourselves for the sake of our wives. It s not talking about some petty sacrifice, such as helping with the dishes now and then. It means the husband must devote his entire life and quite literally even be willing to die for the good of his wife. The good of your wife is focused on her standing, growth and service in the Lord. It is not pandering to all her notions of self-interest and worldliness. Remember, genuine love does not seek its own 1 Corinthians 13:5. The man who is concerned only with getting what he can from marriage is sowing the seeds of destruction in his family. To love your wife as Christ loved the church is to be preoccupied with what you can do for her, not vice versa. After all, Christ loves us to give us what we don t deserve and benefit as recipients of His redemptive favour. 2.2 Love your wife by protecting her The love of a godly man for his wife is not only sacrificial, it also safeguards her purity. Paul said Christ s sacrifice for the church had this ultimate object in mind: to sanctify and cleanse her that she would be holy and blameless Ephesians 5: The church, His bride, was His primary concern. Likewise, in marriage, it is your solemn duty as a husband to guard your wife s purity. If you seeking to love your wife as Christ loved the church you will hate anything that makes her dirty or ungodly. You will guard her from anything and everything that could dishonour her, degrade her or demean her or tempt her in any way to sin. You will never knowingly lead her into any kind of sin, but protect her against any threat to her virtue. You won t deliberately provoke or frustrate or exasperate her so that she succumbs to anger or any other temptation.

5 5 And you and I need to be an example of purity, knowing that whatever defiles us will ultimately defile her too. Notice the primary way Christ maintains the purity of the church: by the washing of water with the word Ephesians 5:26. We husbands have a duty to ensure that our wives are regularly exposed to the cleansing and purifying effect of the Word of God. You are the spiritual leader and priestly guardian of the home. It is your duty to make sure the Word of God is at the centre of the home and family. You are responsible to lead your family in participation in a church where the Word of God is revered and obeyed. And above all, you personally need to be devoted to the Word of God and proficient enough in handling the Scriptures that you can be the true spiritual head in the marriage (cf. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35) 2.3 Love your wife by caring for her Genuine love also involves tender care, and Paul expressed that idea this way: Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies Ephesians 5:28. We take care of our bodies constantly giving them whatever food, clothing, comfort, recreation, relaxation or rest they need. We re attentive to our own bodies, concerned with their needs, sensitive and responsive to whatever they desire. That is the kind and level of love Paul commanded us husbands to show our wives. Scripture is not describing love only as an emotion. This sort of love is active, voluntary, dynamic something we do, not something we just passively feel. It s only reasonable that a man would love his wife the way he loves his own body, because in marriage, the two become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). This is God s design for marriage. Paul was actually quoting from Genesis 2:24, which describes how God first ordained marriage itself. It applies universally and it has been true from the beginning. Husbands ought to love their wives with the same care they give to their own bodies because, after all, the two are one flesh. 2.4 Love you wife through thick and thin Since the husband s love for his wife pictures Christ s love for the church, it must also be the kind of love that outlasts every trial and overcomes every obstacle.

6 6 Every marriage is consummated in an earthly sense by a physical union: The two shall become one flesh. Children conceived by that union will literally bear the genetic pattern of two people who have become one flesh. But your marriage also involves a spiritual union. God is the one who joins you and your wife together. Marriage is the union of two souls knitted together in every aspect of life. Your emotions, intellects, personalities, desires and life goals are all bound together. It follows then that God also designed marriage to be a permanent union, unbroken and uncorrupted. The biblical terminology of Ephesians 5:31 stresses the permanence of the marriage union: A man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife. The word translated be joined to is a Greek term (proskolla) that literally speaks of gluing something together. It describes a permanent, unbreakable bond. It s a union held together by lasting love that absolutely refuses to let go. 2.5 Love your wife with Christ like love God s plan for the family begins with life-long monogamous marriage, which is grounded in sacrificial love. Why is this of such supreme importance? Paul gave the answer in Ephesians 5:32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. In other words, the husband s love for his wife is a sacred duty because of what it illustrates. Christ is the heavenly Bridegroom and the church is His bride Revelation 19:7-8; 21:9. Because marriage pictures that union, we husbands must be Christ like in our love for our wives, and she must be submissive to his headship. If we aren t, the divine object lesson is destroyed. By loving her as Christ loved the church, you honour Christ in the most direct and graphic way. You become the embodiment of Christ s love to your wife, a living example to the rest of your family, a channel of blessing to your entire household and a powerful testimony to a watching world. Conclusion Much more can be said on this matter of husbands loving their wives. The Bible is full of godly council in this regard.

7 7 Let me close with a reminder that we have seen 2 radical calls from this passage. One is the call to wives; submission. The other is to husbands; to love as Christ loves. I would urge both husbands and wives to hear the word of God and implement these commands to the glory of God and the well-being of your marriage and family.