Newsletter of the Experiment with Light Network

Transcription

1 Newsletter of the Experiment with Light Network Winter Issue 13 Conflict When nothing seemed to happen Angie Dunhill 2 Living with Conflict Susan Robson 3 Irritate, how you irritate me! Pete Armstrong 5 An Elder-ly Experiment Caroline Kennedy 6 Conflict handling: conclusions from research Helen Meads 8 Taking conflict into the Light John Lampen 10 Heart-ache and relief Harbert Rice 12 Upcoming Events 13 News from South Africa and Light group news 15 Remembering Catherine Rex Ambler 16 1

2 Editorial Susie Tombs I detest conflict. So why give a whole issue to it? Perhaps my feeling is true of many Quakers. However certainly it is often the fear and confusion generated by awareness of conflict that drives me to sit and use the Experiment with Light process outside of my normal occasions. Does it help? I find it does, but the road is not a short-cut. That is, waiting in the Light is not just a way to relieve my anxieties and deaden my immediate pain: it is going to draw me towards a gradual encounter with the truth of my situation. That will be a much bigger picture, and opening to that can free me - sometimes at a level deeper than conscious thought - from being driven by my own hurts. We see this in Angie Dunhill s, Susan Robson s and John Lampen s articles. I have also experienced gentle but clear conviction of the pain I have caused in a conflict piercing through my self-righteous rage in a way that is both truthful and healing. Pete Armstrong s poem speaks of the fruits of anger, when transformed into a teacher. Helen Meads and Caroline Kennedy describe how conflict has been resolved within Meetings, while Harbert Rice shares an account of two meditations that helped him resolve a weight on his heart. Light and conflict light coming through the cracks. When nothing seemed to happen Angie Dunhill A while ago I was having some problems with my relationship with a work colleague. I was becoming increasingly irritated by her to the point that most things she did or said drove me crazy. I tried hard to get on with her, to talk to her and get to know her better. I tried to hide my irritation but I m sure I didn t succeed and that my annoyance showed. This problem was making me unhappy and ashamed of myself but no matter how hard I tried I couldn t seem to get on with this person; she had really got under my skin. I then thought of making this issue the focus of an Experiment with Light meditation. I d never tried bringing a specific issue to the meditation before. Instead of waiting for a concern to come to me I asked: What s happening in this relationship? Why do I find this person so irritating? What is it about the situation and this person that are upsetting me so much? I sat with it nothing seemed to happen, I didn t have any insights, answers or revelations. I just stayed with the questions being as open as I could. I suppose I felt a slight softening of my feelings towards the person during the meditation but it was not at all dramatic. It was when I next met my colleague that I really noticed the difference and the enormous shift in my thinking and attitude I had made during the meditation. Remarkably I found I was no longer irritated. It sounds such a simple thing to achieve but I had tried before, really tried in every way I could think of. We had just about rubbed along, but it wasn t real, the annoyance was just below the surface. 2

3 After the meditation it was as if all the jagged spiky edges had been smoothed down, the conflict was gone. I was able to really see her, talk to her and find out more about her without the constant critical voice in my head. My colleague hadn t changed at all; it was my attitude towards her that had shifted. It was such a relief to be able to get on with her and work well together. This all happened months ago and the feeling has stayed, it s real. All that effort trying to force myself to change was hopeless; it had no effect at all. I needed the meditation, the Light, to change me from the inside in a way I can t explain and I don t understand, I m just very grateful for it. Living with Conflict Susan Robson Susan is author of Living with Conflict: A Challenge to a Peace Church (2013) and editor of the website: livingwithconflict.net The Experiment with Light conference of 2011 envisaged a community in which conflict is expressed, acknowledged and resolved. As I spend a lot of time thinking about living with conflict, often from a Quaker point of view, the newsletter editors have asked me to make some comments about how conflict and the Experiment connect. I am not myself a practitioner, though I am glad the practice is growing and follow its development with interest. What do we mean by conflict? Many people ask me for a definition, and I am usually very reluctant to choose one from the myriad options. When I was interviewing people for my research I always asked them to give me an example of a conflict in their lives without defining it for them. They had usually come to meet me with a list of examples in their notebook with them, and some of the examples surprised me. What would you choose as an example of conflict in your life? Does it fit in with the definition by Carolyn Shrock Schenk, that it is a situation where there are differences with tension? We all have different views and experiences, but often these do not matter or are even enjoyable, but when they cause tension, or uncomfortable inner feelings or difficult interaction between people then they are often categorised as conflict. 3

4 However, the word conflict carries with it a wealth of negative feelings (and occasionally some positive ones) so that I often find it helpful not to use it and to talk about community, communication, relationships, emotions, difficulties and problems to be solved. Using other words also helps dialogue flow when talking with people who are resistant to the idea that there could be conflict in their own idealised community. Let us talk about this together rather than Let s resolve our conflict. But how does my pre-occupation with how we do and don t get on with each other connect with the Experiment? I ve written two recent blogs about what is known as mutual accountability within the church This framework outlined in Matthew 18 v15-20 was used by early Friends and recommended in the Epistle from the Elders at Balby in The verses in Matthew are pretty succinct and go straight in with the instruction that if someone offends (upsets/annoys) you, you should go directly and in private to speak to them. However, most of the groups that I have worked with have come to the conclusion that a stage before that is necessary. Instead of jumping in face to face, anyone should take time to reflect or pray to get more clarity on their response to the (conflict) situation. They should look at their own understanding and feelings, and also try to imagine themselves into the position of the other person. Then they may be able to act and speak more constructively and caringly. So, reflect or pray. Using the Experiment brings people to face the truth of their own condition, a necessary step before engaging with other people in uncomfortable difference. There may be occasions when it is possible to do this in the planned sessions of your own Light group, but difficulties may crop up more urgently. On one of the courses we ran at Woodbrooke on Doing Conflict Better the participants were engaged in trying to prepare a dramatic presentation illustrating conflict. One group was finding this extremely hard, and experiencing much tension about their differences. There seemed no way forward until one person suddenly thought to take it into the Light, for her a quick and simplified version of her long established Experimenting. And in the Light came the idea which offered the way forward, and produced a presentation which greatly gratified all the participants and their audience. 4

5 Irritate, how you irritate me! Pete Armstrong Irritate, how you irritate me! At four in the morning, my legs ache with you my guts writhe with you. And you re not even here. You re just an image in my mind and a voice endlessly whining and complaining while I endlessly replay scenes real and imagined. You are my Teacher and I bow to you in gratitude. Wrestle, how I wrestle with you! Our prolonged struggle forces smugness and complacency from my being. I m desperate to pin the whining and the ignorance on you, over there, out there, somewhere else, on a bad person. But you force me to look within and find you there find me there. I submit, I admit you. You win, you win. You are my Teacher and I bow to you in gratitude. Up my nose, how you get up my nose! You probe away at my equanimity and it cracks under the strain. You test my compassion and find it wanting. Your obsessive presence shatters my self-satisfied self-image and reveals my pettiness in all its small-minded glory. You are my Teacher and I bow to you in gratitude. Resist, how I resist your lessons! You, and all the other irritating Teachers I dislike waiting out there to bring the next lesson exposing what I need to see challenging me to face up to the truth. All available, any time, all free, all perfectly attuned to my weaknesses. I bow to you in gratitude. More of Pete s poems, many occasioned by his Experiment with Light practice, can be seen in his blog holybloke.com. 5

6 An Elder-ly Experiment Caroline Kennedy The Background At the end of last year, it became apparent that our group of Elders and Overseers were facing difficulties. Although we are now a medium-sized Meeting, the Quaker flame has been kept alight in this area by a small band of Friends, some of whom have worshipped together for nearly fifty years. These Friends have served in various roles, sharing the jobs that keep all Quaker Meetings healthy and functioning. Although there is much excitement at seeing the Meeting grow, new faces can bring new problems. In particular, there is the question of how relative newcomers might give loving nurture and support to those who have upheld the Meeting for so long. It is easy to feel in awe of such seasoned Friends and also to be unaware of their vulnerability. The Problem I am a relatively new Quaker, coming into membership in This year, I took on the responsibility of becoming Co-Clerk to our joint Elders and Overseers. It was soon clear that there had been conflict in the past between some individual Elders, which was colouring their interactions. It was also apparent that we were dropping the ball on some issues, because communication was not flowing as it should. One Elder asked to be released from service. It felt as if we were becoming so focused on problems within our own group and in the wider Meeting that we had lost touch with our spiritual centre. As I have run a Light group in the Area Meeting for nearly two years, my instinct was that we had a valuable resource to hand that might help us to find a way forward. The Solution Our Area Meeting had hosted an introductory workshop on the Experiment several years ago and five out of the six current Elders/Overseers had attended this. Of these five, two were now regular members of the Light group, two were infrequent visitors to the group, and one had not taken the practice any further after attending the taster session. The final member of the team had no experience of the Experiment, but meditated regularly. agreed to spend an afternoon together, sharing the Experiment. suited everyone and the Meeting House was booked. The Practical Details All A date was set which At this point in the story, I became inordinately anxious about what wording we should use for our shared meditation. There were so many issues to consider.. I searched as widely as I could for alternative versions and eventually decided that I should write my own. This I did, and sent it off for the advice and comments of more experienced Light practitioners. Their replies were extremely helpful and I was touched and cheered by the concern and care that came flooding back!. Their advice can be summarised as follows: 1) In re-wording the steps of the meditation, the key is to keep the focus on the actual lived experience of each individual. However tempting it might seem, don t ask, What should we 6

7 do in this situation? Instead, look closely at what is truly going on in your heart, your life and in relation to the meeting. The aim is to sink down into a calm and accepting contemplation of what is, without reaching for solutions. Paradoxically, answers come out of this. 2) Think carefully about the timing of the sections. You might want the middle sections to be a little longer than on the CD version, for example. 3) Once you ve started the session, LET IT GO: trust the process completely, relax into what happens. DON'T take responsibility for everyone else's experience, reactions, etc. Thinking through this advice, I came to see that I ran the risk of limiting the experience for the other Elders and Overseers, by trying to tailor the words of the meditation towards what I thought were our difficulties. I had no real idea what was at the root of our problems. I trust the Light process totally for myself, so why not trust it for the group? I shelved my carefully crafted wording and we used the original long version on the second CD after all. Outcomes We had such a good time together. Everyone was brave enough to commit fully to the process. In sharing what we had learnt about ourselves, we built a community of deep trust, perhaps for the first time as a group. Our attitudes and preconceptions changed as we heard about each other s vulnerabilities and fears and frustrations. For me, Isaac Penington s beautiful words were true that afternoon: 7

8 Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another; but praying one for another, and helping one another up with a tender hand. ᖰ Several months later, we are not problem-free, but we are able to work together much better than before. One Elder asked to be released from service immediately and another is standing down at the end of this triennium. We have agreed to go through the process again later in the year. On a personal note, I would thoroughly recommend writing your own version of the Light meditation. I understand the process so much better having expressed the steps in my own words and I feel a new sense of connection to the practice. It s definitely worth the hard work. Conflict handling: conclusions from research Helen Meads Conflict can be very constructive, but with the important proviso that it needs to be handled truthfully and completely. That 'truthfully' and 'completely' was what I discovered in looking at what people using this practice had shared with me during my research of Experiment with Light for my PhD. It was partly when I came to write the chapter on conflict handling that my understanding of the Experiment's effects on those who use it became clear. My thesis examines conflict handling in relation to two groups ("A" and "B") which I was privileged to observe, but during the course of the research period, there was conflict within and surrounding the Light group in my own Meeting. The academic way in which my thesis is written makes it a little difficult to follow the narrative of what happened with Groups A and B, so I will say more here about the story of my own group. It was my personal experience as well as what I observed in A and B, but I concluded more from observing and thinking about A and B: that was one of the ways in which the research was so powerful. I concluded that Experimenters worked on conflicts with others (their families, at work) in their group meditation and thus more readily either solved conflicts or came to terms with unresolved conflicts where those arose both within their Light groups and between the Light group and the Meeting. Practitioners learned to ask themselves what their own part was and they often discovered that they could behave differently and so the situations in which conflict arose could be transformed by changing how they behaved. From 2007 I worked with Catherine and Rex doing introductory workshops (and subsequently the three of us formed the core of what was to become the Network Steering Group). Between us we developed advice on best practice, which included taking the formation of ᖰ Quaker Faith and Practice: If you do write your own text, we recommend closely following the pattern of six stages: introductory settling prompt; Mind the Light; Open your Heart to the Truth; Wait in the Light; Submit to/accept what is shown; valedictory encouragement; with the gaps in between each prompt being respectively 5, 6, 7, 7, 6 and 5 minutes. (eds) Although the thesis (available online at: is in some respects rather abstruse, Chapters 4, 5, 6 and (especially, for the purposes of this issue of the newsletter) 7 discuss what people told me and how I interpreted it. (The other chapters are the theory, the introduction and the conclusion - of those, perhaps the general reader might dip into the introduction for orientation, but otherwise they're probably best skipped.) 8

9 the Light group through Meeting business process. If we'd done that in my own Meeting, reservations would have surfaced earlier and could have been dealt with sooner. It was in the business meeting process that the tensions were largely resolved. Meeting's sense of the Light group was recorded in the last sentence of the business meeting's minute: The meeting warmly welcomes the work of the Light Group in exploring the spiritual experience of individuals and believes that our meeting can continue to be enriched by its work. Nonetheless, the one person who wouldn't accept the worship sharing discipline, which is so crucial to enabling a Light group to be most powerful, absented herself from the Light group and subsequently, although not immediately, altogether from Meeting. I hope that Light groups are formed under Meetings' business process these days and I hope that is one of the reasons we have received very little for this edition of the newsletter that discusses conflict either within the Light group or between the Light group and its Meeting(s). If we engage fully with the Experiment, we begin to see ourselves and our lives as we and they really are. In speaking our experience aloud in our Light groups we hear ourselves and so we understand even more clearly what we have experienced. We also know through listening that our Friends share similar experiences. We carry away from our meetings what we and our Friends have experienced. That we do not speak of each others' experience reinforces how we treat each other respectfully and faithfully. The Japanese tradition of Kintsukuroi (literally to repair with gold ) A broken pot is mended by the use of gold. The breaks are not concealed. It has its own beauty though different from before. One Friend in my own Light group expresses this by naming our relationship with each other "loving friendships". I feel a sense of delight and closeness within the group every time he says those words. Our sense of each other means that if we do disagree, we hold our disagreement in perspective and do not let it damage our friendship, but at the same time we do not disrespect our friendship by failing to speak truthfully to each other. 9

10 Taking conflict into the Light John Lampen One of the features of conflict, when we are strongly engaged, is that we are not in full control of ourselves. Misperceptions, violent thoughts and impulsive reactions make us act in ways we have not consciously chosen and often regret later. We go into instinctive mode: flight, paralysis or fight. We may rationalise afterwards that what we did was the only course open to us, but that is often a false self-justification. When our instinctive responses mesh with similar behaviour in the other party, things can escalate to a level which we did not want and cannot see how to resolve. Experiment with Light can be a most valuable resource in helping us not to come into such a situation, or in showing us the way out of it. There can be a role for the Experiment in a meeting of the conflicting parties But I want describe how it can help any party to a conflict who uses it in solitary meditation or their regular Light group. We are encouraged in the Experiment to let issues come spontaneously into our minds; but the same process operates when someone sits down with a clear intention of facing a particular issue. We are advised to ask, 'What do I feel about this?' That is a much more helpful question than 'What should I do?' which risks cutting short the process; it tempts us to debate the alternatives in our mind instead of letting the Light do the work. The answer 10

11 to our question about our feelings is likely to be a single word: 'anger', 'fear', 'anxiety', 'guilt', 'confusion' or even 'despair'. And then we can ask it the question 'why?' I can t tell you what answer you will get. But I hope I can show how the answer will often be the next step in a beneficial process. Take anger. Why am I angry? Anger tends to be triggered by more vulnerable feelings such as hurt, humiliation, fear, or a need denied; rather than endure the pain of these, we snap into anger against the person who aroused them. A group of violent prisoners with whom I worked confirmed that they regularly experienced this short-circuiting mechanism from feelings of weakness into violence. When we become aware of the trigger for our anger, the Light can also show us that we are capable of alternative responses which are not violent or compulsive. When we ask for example: Why do I feel guilty about this conflict? there are two different types of answer we might be given. We might be shown that we do indeed have a responsibility for what is occurring, which we must address before we can expect any change in the other party. Indeed if we are shown an act of restitution which we must make, the action by itself may trigger such a change. The well-known story of footwashing is an example of this. 1 The other possibility is that we need to ask, 'Whose voice is telling me I m bad? Is it from the past? Should I hearken to it or reject it?' The voices that tried to control our behaviour in childhood are still sounding in us, sometimes reassuring, sometimes persecuting. We must learn to distinguish them from the promptings of the Light. In the case of fear and anxiety, it is helpful to ask for the Light to reveal its cause. I believe we shall not see possible ways forward until the fear has been named. For example it can happen that we are telling ourselves we are worried for someone else, when our deepest (unacknowledged) fear is for ourselves. And when we admit our powerlessness and confusion, even despair, we are then most sincerely asking the Light to come to our rescue since we are accepting that we cannot help ourselves. This is the situation described by William James as a common nucleus of all religions: The individual, so far as he suffers from his wrongness and criticises it, is to that extent consciously beyond it, and in at least possible touch with something higher He becomes conscious that this higher part is conterminous and continuous with a MORE of the same quality, which is operative in the universe outside of him, and which he can keep in working touch with, and in a fashion get on board of and save himself when all his lower being has gone to pieces in the wreck. 2 George Fox said the same in other words: Looking down upon sin and corruption and distraction you are swallowed up in it; but looking at the Light that discovers them you will see over them. That will give victory; and there is the first step of peace. 3 Bringing a conflict into the Experiment does not guarantee that we shall find a solution; but if we are faithful to the process, we are likely to emerge with a fuller awareness and an 1 Sandra Cronk: Gospel Order (Pendle Hill Pamphlet No 297 (1991)), p.27 2 William James: Varieties of Religious Experience (Routledge, Centenary edition, 2002), p George Fox: Journal ed. John Nickalls (London Yearly Meeting, 1952), p.346. Letter to Lady Claypole. This is also in the text of the meditation using Fox's own words. 11

12 understanding of what step to take next. It may not be until our next encounter with the person or people with whom we are at odds that we shall find that something in us and in the situation has truly changed and as a result the logjam begins to move, (as Angie Dunhill recounts in her article above). Let the Light do the work. Heart-ache and relief Harbert Rice These Light Meditations arose from my own sense of unease in my role and understanding of life as a Quaker. I am now well into my sixties and I have been an active member of my Quaker Meeting for ten years. I was questioning my own life and my life as a Quaker. I was wanting some understanding of both my own life and Quaker life. First Meditation: After settling in, I asked what is really going on for me in Meeting? And what is my role in Quakers? I felt a familiar pain around the inside of my heart. I sat with the pain, looking for other feelings. Nothing came, so I returned to the pain around my heart. I felt both longstanding and freshly insistent. It held a quality of aching and longing. After sitting with this sense for a time an image formed like a wooden bow of a ship poking up through the ground. After some more time, I sensed people round the poked-up bow. The ground around the bow was grassy and green. When I sought the truth and the next step forward for me, the word mapping came to me along with the image of a brown map spread out on the ground with the people looking at and pointing to areas on the map. I sensed the words forming for me the idea of mapping old into new as my role. Second, a fortnight later: I took some time to settle into silence. I asked my questions on my role in Meeting and my role and experience with Quakers. For a long time nothing came. I had some pain in my shoulder from shovelling snow in the morning. After some time, I felt a twinge in my chest on the right, curving in an arc about my lung. A feeling sense was slow to develop, but it came as weariness, a sense of tiredness. After sitting with this tiredness, an arc formed on my left side and joined with the right so that I had two arcs curving down and around coming out on my sides towards my back. Once complete, these arcs formed into chains, and I had a sense of pulling a heavy weight. I looked back and saw a wooden sled piled high with concrete blocks with Quakers sitting on top. The sled was like those you see in tractor pulling contests. When I looked back the weight on the chain across my chest felt heavier. Then the thought unfolded for me that we need to find a new way to speak. With this thought the chain lifted, I felt a sense of relief. The Quakers came off the sled. The chain transformed into a flight of geese, each link becoming a bird in a V flight honking and trading places in the formation. I felt a sense of lightness and aliveness. Harbert's story is extracted from his book Language Process Notes (2008), discussing new ways to think and talk about Quaker practices. Harbert is an American Quaker. 12

13 Upcoming events Upcoming Events There are four venues for a weekend introduction to the practice. There is time to understand the Quaker roots of the practice, to try it for ourselves and to then reflect on our experience in a time of quiet. There is also a weekend for those who want to nurture their own Light groups and/or help new ones to start. Additionally, there is a retreat to deepen the practice for those already using it. Introductions to the Practice: Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre, Birmingham B29 6LJ Tel: +44(0) Friday 10 - Sunday 12 April 2015 with Margaret Bradshaw, Martin Pennock and Susie Tombs Swarthmoor Hall Cumbria, LA12 0JQ Tel: +44 (0) Friday 19 Sunday 21 June 2015 With Angela Greenwood and Caroline Kennedy Glenthorne Quaker Centre, Easedale Road, Grasmere, Cumbria LA22 9QH, Tel: +44 (0) Friday 16 Sunday 18 October 2015 With Diana Lampen and Angela Greenwood Charney Manor Charney Bassett, Wantage, Oxon OX12 OEJ, UK Tel: +44 (0) Friday 6 8 November 2015 with Barbara Childs and Susie Tombs 13

14 Other residential events: Experiment with Light workshop for Nurturing Light groups for those who want to nurture their own Light groups and/or help new ones to start. At Shallowford House, Shallowford, Stone, Staffs ST15 0NZ Tel: +44 (0) Friday 23 Sunday 25 October 2015 With (TBC) Rex Ambler and Susie Tombs Experiment with Light: Deepening the practice retreat for established practitioners Swarthmoor Hall, Cumbria LA12 0JQ Tel: +44 (0) Thursday 17 - Sunday 20 September 2015 With Andrea Freeman, Helen Meads and Margaret Roy Other opportunities: If an established Light group would like to arrange a day or weekend retreat based on the Experiment with Light practice, please contact the Network on the usual experimentwithlight@gmail.com Day workshops with Meetings or other groups are held around the country. For these, the expenses (travel and photocopying) of the workshop leaders are the only costs charged to the Meeting. To arrange a workshop, contact the Network members at experimentwithlight@gmail.com to book dates and facilitators to help you. Further information is available from the website 14

15 News from South Africa Paul Mooney We have received this news from Paul Mooney, a member of Johannesburg Meeting: Experiment with Light is going well, I have been given a travelling minute by my Meeting and I am busy with visiting all the Meetings in Central and Southern Africa. So far I have launched groups in Johannesburg and Namibia. I have also run open Light groups and I will begin to bring that work into the corporate space over time. I am running a summer school on the Experiment at this year's YM, and I will make appointments with each of the Meetings to visit them during I have also had some great reaction to sharing my experiences of 1652 country with photographs it seems to be a great delight to Quakers of many years standing in the Society to see Firbank Fell and Swarthmoor Hall in the flesh so to speak. I have attached a photo of the Namibia Light workshop. Bath Meeting Bath Meeting has a Light group that would welcome new members and has asked us to announce this. Please the network: experimentwithlight@gmail.com for us to put you in touch. New Light groups We have news of two new Light groups starting in Kendal, following a workshop there, and have heard for the first time of one in Broadstairs, and one in Littlehampton that have been running for some time. Articles, images and artwork in this newsletter are copyright the authors, makers and photographers. The editors are Susie Tombs and Helen Meads If your Light group is open to enquirers seeking to join a group, please let us know OR if you are looking for a group to join, or people to join you in starting a new group, let us know by experimentwithlight@gmail.com we will not pass on your contact details to anyone without checking with you first, though. The next issue of the newsletter will be on people s experiences of residential Experiment with Light weekends. Any further contributions are welcomed by 15 February. 15

16 Memories of Catherine Catherine walking home near Silverdale. Taken June Readers may know that Catherine King Ambler died suddenly in September. I spoke to her the day before she died, when she was already, unknown to anyone, suffering from the brain haemorrhage that was to kill her. As she felt too ill to travel, she wanted to help me take over her arrangements for a meeting for workshop leaders that weekend. It is characteristic that some of her last efforts were for her spirit-led work, in a loving and practical way. Support for Light groups had been especially on her heart in these last months. Susie Tombs We hope to include a fuller memoir of Catherine later, but here just record some of the story in Rex Ambler s words. Catherine first encountered the Experiment almost by chance: her meeting in Manchester had wanted a weekend workshop on the Experiment and they asked Catherine if she would organise it since she was known to be very good at these things. She did organise it in Sept 2003 at Lattendales in the Lake District, though she was not at the time taken with the idea herself. In the event, however, she had a powerful experience, taking her back to her childhood. This is what she had been looking for, she said, when she came back to Quakerism a few years before. She had wanted to find her own truth, and the Quakers after all seemed to have a way of finding it. She also met me on that fateful day in 2003, and I was rather taken with her. We met again, did a couple of workshops together, and then married two years later with a reception at Lattendales. From then on we worked together, not only in Britain but also overseas. We visited Southern Africa in 2007 and 2009, Palestine in 2008, Ireland and the Czech Republic in We worked together in the emerging steering group of the Experiment with Light network and in training leaders and nurturers for workshops and Light groups. Catherine had a remarkable facility both in helping people individually, one-to-one, and in networking and organising events. As well as helping Friends to introduce the Experiment, at special training weekends, she would help organise teams to do it, respond to enquiries from all quarters and developed the idea of eldership in supporting the work. She will be remembered perhaps most for her clerking the group that planned the International Light Gathering in September last year. Those who worked with Catherine will have been aware how attentive she was to the spiritual process involved even in the most practical work: she was always concerned to know what it meant to be guided by the Light. In the course of the last year she began to feel often tired with her many activities, sometimes unwell. Was it time to change her focus? She was beginning to think more about Friends practising the Experiment abroad. Who knows where that might have taken her? Her gifts and skill, her clarity of mind and inspiring leadership will be sorely missed. 16