Word on the street is that MAL s reign as the most represented chapter will be running its course in August.

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1 PRE-CONVENTION BUZZ From: On Behalf Of patfielding Sent: Wednesday, January 09, :10 PM To: Subject: [exssa_mal] Re: [exsa_usa] POSTED ON SAKER PRIDE... Dear Sister Egbe, Word on the street is that MAL s reign as the most represented chapter will be running its course in August. Ah hear say, the motorcade that will be ushering in our 57th President on January 21st will head straight to New York/New Jersey upon completion of inaugural festivities with the DC Diva s in tow. Yep, 7 months in advance to begin securing their turf. And you know what else is worrisome? Some MAL Loyalists have been defecting and joining other ranks. Please you did not hear this from me but a certain Mrs. Nchanji, formerly known as Ms.Chantal Gwanulla, who we all knew as a bonafide MAL member, is now hobnobbing with the power brokers in the Nation s Capital. And while HotAtlanta has gone solar in her efforts to turn up the heat in August, Dallas and Houston plan to leave the rest of us gaping in awe. In case we forgot, everything is big in Texas And when our Hollywood Sistahs heard about the Dinner under the stars, they began mobilizing their neighbors.yep Angeline Jolie and Brad Pitt have cleared their schedules for August so too have their six offspring... Dear Sister Egbe, my heart palpitates at the looming defeat of MAL as winner of the most represented chapter. Please, please tell me these are just rumor mills on the overdrive, and it really ain t so Worriedly Yours, Patience Fielding Behalf Of DL Sent: Wednesday, January 09, :18 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com Subject: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble

2 Okay, my dear Grande Soeur Egbe and your able MAL "missing in action member" because of overseas bolo, I hate to do this BUT I must. ExSSA-MAL will always win when it comes to numbers b/c una too plenty. It is said in the BIBLE, "... go ye into the world and multiple..." but una take am go for a whole new level. I will seriously be having a conversation with our PAPA for heaven say some of yi pikin dem weh deh for some Organization called EXSSA-USA, MAL Chapter specifically don take this yi command pass weti yi sef sef bi tink seh dem fit take em. Dem di multiple by the second. Okay, if na just by #s, this MAL Chapter with one of the finest PRESIDENTS on the land go so so win. So my suggestion to give some of we "pee-ons" Chapters dem hopes for even come close to 4th of 5th position... I nova tok 1st or even 2nd oh, make no woman no put words for my mot. So here is my suggestion... Final Decision REST solely on the shoulders of Grande Soeur Angeline Asobo and all the other Grands dem for NY/NJ. Winner for this category - "Chapter with the MOST attendees to Conventions" should be "HIGHEST percentage (%) of Active Chapter Members" and not solely #s attended. For example. "ExSSA-UNKNOWN" has 25 Total Members but only 19 ACTIVE members, and only 14 of the 19 active attend the Convention. % attended = 14/19X100 = 73.7% ExSSA-MAL has 45 Total Members but only 35 ACTIVE members, and only 27 of the 35 active attend the Convention. % = 27/35X100 = 77.1% I can hear you say, "... even with your suggestion MAL is still the winner..." TRUE and I agree. But this is fair to all Chapters regardless of size. If we go just by #s attendees ONLY, even if ALL the 19 ACTIVE members of ExSSA-UNKNOWN were to attend the Convention, or even all 25 members including their NON-active members, ExSSA-MAL still wins with 27 attendees. In a way, smaller size chapters will never have a chance to win or a reason to help promote Convention attendance by their members (not that winning this category is the reason members attend Conventions, but we know we are always up and ready for a little competition along the way). But if we go by percentage of Chapter Attendees to Conventions, if all members of this "Small-sized" Chapter attends the Convention, then they win with 100%, even though only 19 members which is all their members attend. Get my drift... Sister Egbe, I will be willing and ready to take my lashes from you in NY/NJ for "mudding up the waters" with this my suggestion. Patience, sorry to burst your bubble, oops did I say that???? Your absence is highly missed, hurry and come back home. ExSSA-Dallas has not given up on trying to convince you to move to the "BIG D". Do not be surprise to see a

3 U-HAUL truck with ExSSA-Dallas members outside your front door once you are back on terra ferma in the good old US of A. Make the heart return to normal heat beats quick quick, or we have a cure in the "BIG D" lol. Hahaha... Just had to join in... Could not get it out of my head until I put it on our ExSSA-USA's world wide web. Sorry oh... Out but remain blessed. DL Behalf Of kate Njome Sent: Wednesday, January 09, :07 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble ma chérie DL bonne année, I just hit the forward button to my OBGYN because dis plava for MAL members replicating in multiples see me plenty!!! This rat and Cat have tried no morning sickness so far...at least that's how my one track mind understood God's command... No worry Ma Pae thanks for doing the good work behind the scenes even though some 'frenemies" have "sharp mot" and throw in big "grammah" as in MIA not forgetting the algebra for "you mus e calculé' scientifique hypothécaire, financière, pourcentage " a new formula for most attendees...manyakah ma lambo!!! Sis MAL Prez Egbe maybe this pending lawsuit against we best boh in good standing and dear Sis DL go generate plenti nkap for helep MAL coffers with extra funds for our upcoming projects in Cameroon... ngahyah...make ah lef am so, go find palaver for oder pipo...happy "Nyu year" Krazy Kata Behalf Of patfielding Sent: Wednesday, January 09, :25 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble Elinge, You no see me trouble? Na who Dolly di call MIA? No be me and ye be di cheer Les Lyons Indomitables, the Mackanakis and the Beckhams for HotAtlanta? How can she forget Hollywood where we strutted out stuff on the Walk of fame? I still got those pictures to proove it and they ain t no photoshop. As for her offer to defect to Dallas, I might seriously consider.since MAL is in serious competition for most attendance, moi, je cherche

4 l equipe qui gagne And if Big D is bringing home the trophy, I will gladly take on the moniker turncoat. Again, Sister Egbe, you did not hear this from me. Yours Anonymously... From: Egbe Monjimbo To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com; 'exssa mal' <exssa_mal@yahoogroups.com>; SakerClassof81@yahoogroups.com Sent: Wednesday, January 9, :27 PM Subject: RE: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/SHRRRRRRRP!! TIME OUT OH!!! AH KIÉ!!! Poor me! My reason for even coming near this computah tonight was to begin work on my TROPHY FOR HIGHEST ATTENDANCE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, only for me to discover this heated KWERRELL, with TABOO werds like DEFECTION, MIA and TURN COAT being thrown around carelessly, anyhow!!! Hah! Oh, 6 foot-and-counting Nubian Queen of BALI LAND: I am calling on you to please cease and desist from your TREACHEROUS, DISHEARTENING & DISTRESSING, 2 SIDE CUTLASS tendencies, with immediate effeck (effect)! Yes, your fabulous Petite lives in Dallas, and Yes, the FOOD there is something else (m)but just remember what ndutu Mother EVE s LANGA THROAT brought upon us all. Even wit EPIDURAL, borning is still no joke!! Her Royal Manyi-ness, Mbamb ELINGE: Let not your mwema be troubled. Do not nak thy kanda! MAL, (as Her Honor, The PREZ OF EXSSA-DALLAS, understands and implies), is a true-true HYDRA oh! If my 1977 Biology Class memory serves me well, this is a beef that dwelleth in the wata, and REPLICATES/MULTIPLIES x 2, any time anyone tries to divide am by 2. At least, that is what I undahstood me from what Ma Bindie was saying, even though I was definitely much more intrigued by the Asexual Reproduction part of the beef s nature; but I DIGRESS!! My Dear, for every 1 member that leaves MAL (due to MARRET, TRANSFER EKONA or to start a Brand New Chapter after MAL s painstaking nurturing), 5 immediately take their place oh! They come naturally in droves, or as a result of the ASTUTE Recruiting Skills of some of its members, who have been known to corner even weeping Ex-Sakerettes in Die Houses and get them to interrupt their wailing long enough to learn the steps to be taken in the joining ExSSA-USA via MAL process!

5 Her Excellency DOLLY: Your Sense Pass King-ness knows no bounds! You make a compelling argument, and then craftily drag in my Classmate and Sistah from forever, Angeline Atock Asobo (aka TRIPLE A ), because you know I would have a tough time contradicting what she says. All I can say though is dat, in this CAPITALIST, trong man helep e self world of ours, it wouldn t be easy to adopt an Affirmative Action /Ahidjo Balanced Development/ Share the love & trophy approach oh! Aft rall, didn t those 2 Molas and 2 Iyas who made up the ABBA group say THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL??? In fack, (fact), even deh Good Book says: Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him." (Mark 4:25) Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. (Matthew 13:12) I know you are sitting there saying Even the devil can cite scriptures to suit his purpose à la pounce on poor 20 hungry JESUS, after the Poor Man had spent 40 days n 40 nights, with no Weight Watchers food portions being shipped to His Wilderness address!!! Anyway, make ah leff am me so, and busy myself with more important things, such as deciding if I should order my 2 piece TURQUOISE bathing suit soffly on line, or go shop for it LIVE, so I can TRY IT ON in the store, and ask everyone including the CASHIERS, what they think of the fitting!!! (Did I mention that I will NOT be purchasing any Beach Towel or translucent pieces closs to cover anything??! Aftr all the IT in the If you got IT, flaunt IT statement must surely include Cellulite-induced DIMPLES and Gendarme Pockets, abi? Thanks for the LAUGHS oh, My Dears! Cannot wait t o see y all in August! God Bless, Sis Egbe Behalf Of Sara kum Sent: Thursday, January 10, :39 AM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com; 'exssa mal'; SakerClassof81@yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/SHRRRRRRRP!! TIME OUT OH!!! Good morning in dah house! Even with a gag order in place, Mrs. Tittle and Tattle sneaked into my kitchen last night. A cup of finely brewed English tea was enough to get the secret out. She revealed that the potential of several MAL members defecting to DC before August is very high and that the ability of Divas to descend on NY/NJ by bicycle, train, car and air has sent panic waves through EXSSA USA. Wehe, na weti be dis trouble.

6 We, DIVAS, are barely raising our heads above the waters since tasked with planning and executing all inaugural activities. So this revelation makes us wonder what we are doing to deserve so much attention. I'm on my knees my sisters begging you all to make sure all security features in your inbox/outbox are working properly because Mrs. T & T is very inquisitive and will not resist spewing any information obtained over another cup of tea with DC Divas. Remain blessed. Sally From: SakerClassof81@yahoogroups.com [mailto:sakerclassof81@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Egbe Monjimbo Sent: Thursday, January 10, :37 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com; 'exssa mal'; SakerClassof81@yahoogroups.com Subject: [SakerClassof81] RE: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/OPEN LETTER TO Mrs. T & T! Goot Evining oh, Marram T & T! (as in Tittle & Tattle or wehda na Tears & Trials oh? Ah no really sure!) First of all, I am sooo shocked that the lady whose home you broke/stole into last night welcomed you A TOTAL TRANGER, into her home, instead of calling 911 and turning you in to the Mbéré Khakis for breaking and entering!!! Instead she gave you tea???!!! MANYAKA MA LAMBO!! As for the CONTENT of what you told her, ah don clap ma hand tire!!! For ya information, the potential of several MAL members suddenly turning into the falla backs of Judas Iscariot and Brutus and defecting to DC is as high as the potential of the following ANOMALIES occurring: - Genevieve Aba Takusi Makia shows up for the Gala night but doesn t get up EVEN ONCE to dance! - Sister Mary Tabot shows up without 2 suitcases full of TURQUOISE outfits! - Sister Esther Gadpaille keeps and maintains the exact same hairstyle from Thursday to Sunday! - Sharon Romero Smith shows up in ballerinas (instead of 8 inch heels)! - We, SAKER GALS, all get into the Tour buses and do NOT sing a single song the ENTIRE trip - Egbe Mbiwan Monjimbo shows up, as yellow as Sis Susie Mondoa Nfonoyim, as tall as Patience Fielding (aka Ms ISCARIOT), and WITHOUT a snaffing appliance of some sort You get my drift nah??!! E no fit happen!!!!! Except say rain no dey fall again for DEBUNDSCHA-Cameroon, sand-sand don finish all for Sahara Desert, and dem don kontah Kumba-Mamfe road!!

7 On top of which, as I have already said, even if de current entire MAL defect now-now so; e wan be July 31st, you go look de list of true-true Convention Attendees, and BAM! MAL go top de list, even more numerouser than evah before!!! Did I hear you mentioned the ability of Divas to descend on NY/NJ by bicycle, train, car and air as a piece of news intended to send panic waves throughout ExSSA- USA??? Heh heh heh, ohhhhhhhh! Make ah laff!!! SINCE WHEN HAS TRANSPORTATION or DISTANCE BEEN A DETERRING FACTOR THAT PREVENTS THE DEDICATED Ex-SAKERETTE FROM ATTENDING ANY & EVERY SAKER- RELATED EVENT????????!!!! Mammie! Did you see the number of them that attended the GOLDEN JUBILEE from OUTSIDE CAMEROON a year ago? What about the number of EAST COASTERS that showed up in L.A. last year, and ALL the CALIFORNIANS who have consistently shown up in DROVES, EVERY YEAR, to all the EAST COAST-based Conventions???? Ah beg moof me dey!!! SAKERETTES have always WALKED ON DEH LAND, SAILED IN DIAH BOATS and FLOWN IN DEH AIR to every corner where SAKER EVENTS have been staged, so SHALL WE GO SHALL WE GO? is NOT even a question to consider. And, on this same proximity /take bicycle / waka wit foot issue, allow me to STRESS the DEDICATION point because we all know that if someone decides to be A TYPE, even if dem organize CONVENTION for e varandah, e go tight for kitchen dey look JUDGE JUDY de whole time, instead of Answering Present oh!!! I know your CUNNY-PASS-SATAN self is aware that there are Sakerettes resident in ALL the towns that have hosted our Conventions, who have NOT attended even deh Church Service which is njoh!!! So, My Diah, no be palava Convention dey for ma front door ; it is a AH NO FIT MISS, DO WETI DO WETI attitude that gets things moving. And THAT attitude ABOUNDS within the ranks of MAL, which is why there s no stopping us oh!!! Just talk to MAL s Florence Ngayap Nankam who drove 10 hours from Canada to Ohio, and then flew from there to L.A., PLUS the return journey of course!!! So, NICE TRY Mammy T & T, but yah case no hol wata, no small!! Begin dey drink you ya tea, Sistah: ENGLISH Tea, TOLE tea or NDU tea; E no go change no nating!!! Sincerely, Ma Monjimbo. p.s. Please note the spikes on my Convention Turquoise shoes below; do NOT try me! I don t serve tea, and as you might know, there are plans to ARM classroom teachers like me, in a bid to PREVENT Gun Violence!!!!

8 Atocky my dear, e go hard before anyting cam erase 7 good years of Saker and Bambili, plus a kwata of a century more of UNinterrupted friendship!! Haven t I already permed my spot in your Basement?? (You have no clue how hard I prayed for Hurricane Sandy to spare your house!!!) And by deh way, de Sistah Rose Tankwa of Class of 78 wey you dey welcome am trong-trong so; Na MAL membah in Good Standing, I must add!!! Patience, aka Dodokido, will be sending you a pre-paid subscription to Hackers Anonymous On a SERIOUS note though, My Dear Sistahs, it is truly HEART WARMING to see the genuine enthusiasm that underlies all this NJAKRI! Kudos to Registrant Number 1 from DC! Hundreds more are sure to follow, and THE MORE, THE MERRIER!!! Make ah go visit Home Depot.com in search of de step, as in Jacob s Ladder, wey ah go take climb into de shoe!!! Blessings oh! Egbe Mbiwan Monjimbo Behalf Of Sara kum Sent: Saturday, January 12, :18 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com; 'exssa mal'; SakerClassof81@yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/OPEN LETTER TO Mrs. T & T! Lord, I Know you see me on my knees every day. Today Lord I decided to be on my head with legs and feet stretched out in penitence because I need immediate answers from you. I thank you for my sisters who bring so much joy, particularly for my big sister for all she is doing for me and others. I pray Lord that you take away this palaver-loving mind of hers which you did not give at birth and convince her to use the spikes on those turquoise shoes to protect herself and her classroom only, not on recalcitrant students and on me. Above all Lord, I pray that you remind us all that you are a God of miracles by immediately changing my big sister s skin color to yellow, not white or red or brown. And that: You make sister Sue taller than sister Patience and sister Patience as short as my trousers. Genevieve resist the urge to dance so that Boh can silence my big sister with her dance moves. For I know Boh is in dance camp (oops! this was a secret) preparing to steal the floor from my Genevieve; You move those sisters who run into the bedroom and refuse to come out to the parlor when the convention is hosted in their homes to come out this year and have fun;

9 Sharon will trade her 8 shoes with Angel and for once wear flats so that I can at least measure up to her shoulder. Lord she is already tall enough. Father I know that sister Mary s driving to NY will be chaotic, as I foresee a partially open trunk with suitcases falling off the turnpike. Father you know what to do to prevent this from happening. As for auntie Esther, Lord, prevent her 10 hair stylists with all their hair styling equipment from showing up at the convention. Help her deal with the stress of this disappointment by whispering gently in her ear that one hairdo is enough to show off the short skirt and tall legs. Unlike my palaver sister who thinks of the impossible, I ask that the letter I infront of all iphones, ipads, ibreakfast, ifood items, iclassgroups, iroom mates, ifriends, iwifi, etc., brought to the convention, be changed to we for some of us to freeload comfortably. You said knock and the door will be open. I m banging Father! Palaver sister is almost at the door with her turquoise shoes. Please open fast. I ve repented as demonstrated by my headstand. Father I promise, I promise to keep my mouth shut until August if you open the door now. Your humble daughter. Sally CONCERNED & PROTECTIVE SISTERS REACT... Behalf Of Boh Sent: Saturday, January 12, :06 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com Cc: exssa mal Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/OPEN LETTER TO Mrs. T & T! So for all the dodokidos in the house na only my sister you wan take match height for trossis... I cancel that one oh, I reject am oh, I chase am with holy ghost fire! From: Didi Ndando Sent: Saturday, January 12, :11 PM To: Sally Cc: Egbe Monjimbs Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/OPEN LETTER TO Mrs. T & T! Wow Sally - this one is a classic; sure made my day!

10 Only one thing - y'all can change anything but my sister's skin color ah beg; would rather keep this nature-given tan :-) Behalf Of Boh Sent: Saturday, January 12, :06 PM To: exsa_usa@yahoogroups.com Cc: exssa mal Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/OPEN LETTER TO Mrs. T & T! So for all the dodokidos in the house na only my sister you wan take match height for trossis... I cancel that one oh, I reject am oh, I chase am with holy ghost fire! Ms Boh Fielding Azonto Geh From: Didi Ndando Sent: Saturday, January 12, :11 PM To: Sally Cc: Egbe Monjimbs Subject: Re: [exsa_usa] Burst someone's Bubble/OPEN LETTER TO Mrs. T & T! Wow Sally - this one is a classic; sure made my day! Only one thing - y'all can change anything but my sister's skin color ah beg; would rather keep this nature-given tan :-) Didi Mbiwan Ndando