Sing to the Lord: Regret

Transcription

1 1 2015_07_19 Pentecost 8 B Psalm 51 Sing to the Lord: Regret Rev. Kara Markell Lake Washington Christian Church Have mercy upon me O God, As befits Your faithfulness; In keeping with Your abundant compassion, Blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly of my iniquity, And purify me of my sin; For I recognize my transgressions, And am ever conscious of my sin. Against You alone have I sinned, And done what is evil in Your sight; So You are just in Your sentence, And right in Your judgment. Indeed I was born with iniquity; With sin my mother conceived me. Indeed you desire truth about that which is hidden; Teach me wisdom about secret things. Purge me with hyssop till I am pure; Was me till I am whiter than snow. Let me hear tidings of joy and gladness; Let the bones You have crushed exult. Hide Your face from my sins; blot out all my iniquities. Fashion a pure heart for me, O God; Create in me a steadfast spirit. Do not cast me out of Your presence, Or take Your holy spirit away from me. Let me again rejoice in your help; Let a vigorous spirit sustain me. I will teach transgressors Your ways, That sinners may return to You. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, God, my deliverer, That I may sing forth Your beneficence. O Lord, open my lips, And let my mouth declare Your praise, You do not want me to bring sacrifices; You do not desire burnt offerings; True sacrifice to God is a contrite spirit; God, You will not despise a contrite and crushed heart.

2 2 Grace and peace to you from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. All of us have moments in our past that we regret. Times in our lives when we wish we could go back and change something we said or did; something we didn t say or do that we should have. Psalm 51 addresses this human feeling of remorse in a compelling and poetic way. And puts those moments in the larger context of our relationship with God. Psalm 51 is one of 7 penitential psalms, which are used in the ritual life of the church. This particular psalm is the psalm assigned to Ash Wednesday, perhaps the most penitential service in the church year. A service in which we confess and repent. But at the heart of this psalm is something more than sorrow at having done something wrong. It is a reminder that we are creature, not Creator. Psalm 51 rights us when we ve gotten off course, reminds the reader that God is God; that there are some wrongs we just can t fix by ourselves and that in God s way of life that no one is beyond redemption. Case in point: this psalm has come to be associated with King David, although it was probably written centuries after his rule. Later editors of this text made the connection explicit with a heading: The sentiment of the psalm is intensified by it s connection with David s remorse after Nathan, the prophet, rebuked him for sleeping with Bathsheba and murdering her husband, Uriah. That story is in 2 Samuel The psalm speaks to us in an interesting way when we read it as though spoken by a repentant King David on his knees before God. David had gotten to a place of such privilege that he believed he could take anything he wanted, even murdering those who got in the way. But with Nathan s help, he realizes his sin and begs God for forgiveness. And although Nathan tells him that God won t hold this sin against him, there will be consequences. David is held up in the biblical narrative as a kind of everyman. If David could do it, so can I. The shepherd chosen to be king; the one who defeated a giant; the persecuted servant who triumphs in the end. Also, the one who had a moral meltdown, had someone killed and took his wife.

3 We don t like that last part. We don t want to think of ourselves as having the potential for the kind of behavior. And let s face it, most of us don t have regrets of the scale of David s. But there are those times when we have chosen to act in a particular way, when we ve let our ego get the better of us, when we ve acted out of fear or greed, when we ve hurt someone on purpose. Our own moral meltdowns are no less important in the sight of God. They are no less significant to our spiritual journey. There is sociological principle called The Lost Opportunity principle. The principle states that regret intensifies when an individual feels that they could have made a better choice, and perceive that the opportunity to remedy that situation has diminished or passed. We feel regret when we realize a different course of action could have resulted in a more favorable outcome. Sometimes it takes a brave person to point that out. Sometimes we can recognize our transgressions on our own. Sometimes there is the opportunity to fix it, more often there is not. One of my moments of regret happened over 10 years ago. I was living in White Swan, WA in the heart of the Yakima reservation. It was an early on a Saturday morning and I was at the local gas station getting ready to head out of town for the day. A pick up pulled up next to me, with two people in the front, and a couple of people under a blanket in the back. It was one of those cold, desert mornings. The driver asked if I could buy them $10 of gas so they could get to work at the Casino. The gas station itself was closed, so they couldn t use their cash, so I used my card to buy them $10 of gas. They thanked me and off they drove. And I stood there, the only person at the gas pump, immediately full of regret. Why didn t I do more? I could have afforded to fill up their whole tank, but I didn t. I could have bought them breakfast or at least asked them if I could do anything else. But I didn t. Why? In that moment I was fully aware of ignorance of my privilege. I was angry with myself for defaulting to the cultural messages I was taught about poverty and substance abuse and people on reservations, rather than acting like Christ. For the next several weeks I wrestled with that story and how I acted. And in the wake of that event and the remorse I felt, God transformed me. My internal wrestling with that incident and my own inner fear 3

4 and judgement, opened me to be transformed. God renewed my sight, understanding, to see similar opportunities in a new way; to act on the lesson I learned that day. My broken world view was recreated by God s mercy. That is the good news of this psalm! That even when we choose the wrong course or tangle ourselves in all kinds of webs, they are no obstacle for God. Even when we feel trapped or broken or cut off by sin, we can still experience a fresh start. Anyone can experience a fresh start. God encounters us in our hidden interiority; God penetrates to our innermost being. God s creative mercy can generate abundant life, even when we ve made a terrible mess of things. This psalm is more than just a plea for forgiveness. It s a meditation on our relationship with the God of unending grace. It is a recognition that I am not the person I want to be, and that deep down I know it. It is a soul searching psalm about what happens when we get honest about ourselves and confess that our sin is always before us, it can ripple out beyond the person or persons we have done wrong, to the community and all the way to God. Acknowledging our helplessness to fix it is itself the very path toward God. But, our cultural norm is to be confession averse we see almost daily in the public square individuals, corporations, governments, even churches, engaging in some incredible moral gymnastics in order to avoid confessing their part in injustice or racism or oppression. Their public apologies often seem more like I m sorry I got caught than I m sorry I did wrong. There is no repentance. No change in behavior, no attempts to make the lives of people better as a result. Regret and repentance and apologies are not a verbal escape route or a way to get out of something. They are more about getting us into something: Into a real process of transformation and recreation. God can transform a contrite heart and a humble spirit. But we have to admit our sin and ask for God s help. So, this morning, I want to invite you to let a regret that you hold rise up to the surface; a real moment when you caused hurt, or ignored someone s need. Don t judge what comes up, just let be there. Hold that moment gently. Recall what you said, or wish you had said; what you did or didn t do. Remember how you felt in the moment or after. Invite God s healing into that situation. Allow God to enter into those hidden, secret places in your spirit and to transform you, 4

5 5 recreate you. Illuminate that moment with God s light and grace. And hear these words of the psalm again, this time paraphrased by Nan Merrill: Have mercy on me, O Gracious One, According to your steadfast love; According to your abundant kindness Forgive me where my thoughts and deeds have hurt others. Teach me, that I may know my weaknesses, The shortcomings that bind me, The unloving ways that separate me, That keep me from recognizing your Life in me: Forgive all that binds me in fear, That I might radiate love Look not on my past mistakes But on the aspirations of my heart [Accept the sacrifice of] a humble spirit; A repentant and contrite heart; O Merciful One, Receive our gratitude and love. Amen.