Gaining Victory Over Anger Selected Passages

Transcription

1 Gaining Victory Over Anger Selected Passages 31a Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you.... Ephesians 4:31a A man named Joe was consumed with anger. He was angry with God, angry with people, angry with the Church. Frankly, he was angry with the world! He had been hurt by one broken relationship after another. He was bitter, depressed and lonely. He was fighting a long, hard battle with alcohol. But a Christian began reaching out to him, gradually building a friendship. And after a few months, he led Joe to Christ. The difference was remarkable! Wouldn t you know - the first thing people noticed was that Joe was smiling! One day, Joe met his friend, carrying his Bible, a notebook and a book about marriage. After he sat down, Joe announced, I m getting married! The change in his life had caused his former wife to begin asking questions. Soon afterwards, she surrendered her life to Christ. She was then baptized. And a week later, she and Joe were married. You see, when Joe stopped blaming the world and dealt with his anger, he was able to resolve the other issues in his life. Gaining victory over anger I want to talk to you today about gaining victory over anger. Anger is generally described as a feeling of displeasure over people or circumstances we encounter in life. If that s our working definition, it shouldn t be hard to understand why anger is an all too frequent temptation. Our world is full of injustice, hurt, disappointment and rejection. People cut us off on the freeway. They turn against us or betray our confidence. They treat us unfairly, take advantage of us, speak unkindly against us, or spread gossip about us. Our feelings are hurt, our rights are violated, our efforts are unappreciated, and our opinions are brushed aside. Furthermore, we get angry when circumstances don t go our way. We don t get what we expect, what we want or what we feel we deserve. On the other hand, we lose what we value. They re stripped from us. To top it off, there are the stresses of everyday life, which push us to the edge of getting angry. Work problems, financial concerns, and family responsibilities add to the pressures we already feel. And life moves at such a hectic pace, we re barely making it through the week. What s more, we live in a society driven by anger - anger in sports, anger on the sidelines, anger in the stands. There s a rise in domestic abuse, child abuse, and even elder abuse are on the rise. We see angry children, angry teens, and frustrated, angry parents. Anger management workshops abound. And prescription medications (as well as illegal drugs) are available to get anger under control. The problem of anger is everywhere around us. But actually, the problem is really inside us. In his book entitled, Uprooting Anger, Robert Jones wrote: Anger is a universal problem, prevalent in every culture, experienced by every generation. No one is isolated from its presence or immune from its poison. It permeates each person and spoils our most intimate relationships. Anger is a given part of our fallen human fabric. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 1

2 Righteous Versus Sinful Anger Ephesians 4:26a starts out, 26a Be angry, and yet do not sin.... The implication is that there is legitimate or righteous anger - anger that God not only approves of, but commands. And there is illegitimate or sinful anger - anger that God clearly cautions us against. So, we re to be angry. But in being angry, we re not to cross the line and sin the process. The truth is, when God created man, He created him with the capacity to be angry. Anger is a God-given emotion. And it was meant to serve a good purpose to guard against temptation and sin. We should be angry with the things that God is angry with. Thinking back to Genesis 3, the serpent tempted Eve, wanting her to doubt God s Word. Rather than listening, Eve could have responded in anger (righteous anger). She could have become angry that the devil would dare to dishonor God and challenge His sovereign authority. She could have become angry that he questioned God s wisdom and His goodness. She could have become angry and said, Leave me alone! She could have displayed righteous anger. But she didn t! In addition, many passages of Scripture speak of the wrath of God. He is displeased with sin and with sinners. That s righteous anger. What s more, Jesus showed anger. He was angry with hypocritical, religious leaders. He was angry when He drove the money changers out of the temple - in fact, not just once, but twice. But before trying to justify our anger by saying, Well, God gets angry, let s remind ourselves of one crucial difference - we re not God. Simple, isn t it? We re not God! Righteous anger is part of His nature and works in harmony with His holiness and righteous. But we re sinners. And what comes naturally to us is not righteous, but sinful anger. Meaning that - we have to be careful (very, very careful) to examine ourselves. We need to question the reason for our anger as well as our response (what we do with it). When we get angry, do we have good reason for it? And if so, then what is it leading us to do? Is it a good response (as far as God is concerned). For example, we get angry when we hear of a drunk driver running down a family, killing father, mother and children. We get angry because it s wrong. It s illegal, immoral and irresponsible. But what does our anger lead us to do? If we buy a gun to take his life, we re wrong. If we hate him in our heart and wish he would rot in hell, we re wrong. The reason for our anger may be righteous. But if our response is wrong, then it s sinful anger. What I m talking to you about today is sinful anger. And what I want you to understand is how we can gain victory over it! Why We Should Take Anger Seriously Now, let s start with some general thoughts, and then we ll get more specific. 1. All of us are tempted to get angry. It s not a matter of if we are tempted, but when we are tempted. In Ephesians 4, Paul wrote, 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. To whom was he speaking? To Christians! To you and me, because all of us are tempted to get angry. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 2

3 2. We often gloss it over so it doesn t seem as bad. We made statements such as, I m sorry; I m usually not this way, What s the big deal? Everybody gets angry!, I m hurt, I m bothered, I m irritated, I m frustrated, I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I flew off the handle, but I m better now, I m having a bad day, He just rubs me the wrong way, or She just keeps pushing my buttons! In each of those statements, there s an excuse hidden somewhere. We re saying, I m like this but...., and we shift the blame. And we re not taking responsibility. Not often do we hear someone say, I got angry, and I was wrong. I ve sinned against you. Will you please forgive me? Not often, right? In fact, when we do hear someone say those words, it takes us by surprise! 3. When we tolerate anger (remember, we re talking about sinful anger), it leads to other sins. It might be a critical spirit, gossip, slander, vengeance, malice, bitterness, hatred or self-pity. James 1 tells us that the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. In other words, anger does not bring about (does not produce) what s right in the eyes of God. It opens the door to other sins. In fact, Proverbs 29:22 tells us, 22b... a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression. 4. Anger hurts us more than we realize. We think anger is just an emotional problem. But there s more to it than that. Proverbs 27 warns us, 4a Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood.... In other words, anger is potentially very, very powerful. It can be overwhelming like a flood and carry us away! Anger affects our thoughts, our attitudes, our motives and certainly our behavior. Anger also adds stress which triggers physical complications. Most importantly, anger hurts us spiritually. 5. People we care are deeply affected by our anger. Since anger is self-centered, it s not hard to see why it damages relationships! For starters, it makes us difficult to be around. People find it hard, dealing with our heated outbursts or our bitter spirit. But not only that, our anger pushes people away - most often, the very people we love. They feel as if they re walking on eggshells around us. And we re left feeling isolated, alone, unhappy, empty and discontent. 6. Anger can become a habit - a sinful, selfish, destructive pattern of behavior. In fact, some have allowed their anger to go unchecked for so long it is now deeply ingrained in them. Worse yet, some people deliberately use anger to intimidate and manipulate others to get their way. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 3

4 Learning from Examples in Scripture In Scripture, there are a number of examples we can learn from. Let me just point out a few. 1. Cain s anger against his brother All the way back in Genesis 4, anger took a toll on a family. It involved two brothers, sons of Adam and Eve. 2b.... Abel was a keeper of flocks, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. 3 So it came about in the course of time that Cain brought an offering to the Lord of the fruit of the ground. 4 And Abel, on his part also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and for his offering; 5a but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard. Cain knew God wanted an animal sacrifice, but chose to worship God on his own terms. But God would not accept it. And then it happened, 5b.... Cain became very angry and his countenance fell. 6a Then the Lord said to Cain, Why are you angry?.... Excellent question! God didn t need to know the answer. He already did. But He wanted Cain to stop and ask himself that question: 6b... Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? Obviously, Cain s anger was sinful anger. Because God then said, 7a If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? that is, if he would return with the right sacrifice, his heart would be right, and he wouldn t be jealous or angry with his brother. On the other hand, God warned, 7b.... if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it. In other words, If you don t repent and do what s right, you ll open the door for sin to have its way with you. You need to control it before it controls you! Well, because Cain refused God s counsel, 8b.... it came about when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him. 2. Moses anger against the people Let s look at another example - this one involving Moses, leading the people through the wilderness. In Numbers 20, a severe crisis arose there was no water for the congregation; and they assembled themselves against Moses and Aaron. 3 The people thus contended with Moses and spoke, saying, If only we had perished when our brothers perished before the Lord! 4 Why then have you brought the Lord s assembly into this wilderness, for us and our beasts to die here? 5 And why have you made us come up from Egypt, to bring us in to this wretched place? It is not a place of grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, nor is there water to drink. After all Moses had done for them, this is what he gets in return? 6 Then Moses and Aaron came in from the presence of the assembly to the doorway of the tent of meeting, and fell on their faces. Then the glory of the Lord appeared to them. And the Lord instructed them to gather the people together 8b... and speak to the rock before their eyes, that it may yield its water. You shall thus bring forth water for them out of the rock and let the congregation and their beasts drink. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 4

5 Moses did what the Lord commanded (sort of). He gathered the people together. But instead of speaking to the rock, he spoke to the people in bitter frustration, 10b.... Listen now, you rebels; shall we bring forth water for you out of this rock? 11 Then Moses lifted up his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod; and water came forth abundantly, and the congregation and their beasts drank. He was angry! And it wasn t good! We know it was sinful anger by the way God confronted Moses and Aaron saying, Because you have not believed Me, to treat Me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them. In other words, Your anger was all about you. Rather than glorifying Me by doing what I said, you focused the people s attention on yourselves! Sinful anger focuses on self. It s about me - how I feel, how I was treated, how I was spoken to, how I was inconvenienced or hurt or embarrassed, and so on. 3. Saul s anger against his son Another example involves a well-known father and son, Saul and Jonathan. Saul was jealous of David, but his son, Jonathan, loved him as a brother! The more Saul tried to get rid of David, the more Jonathan defended him. In 1 Samuel 20, Jonathan defended his friend one time too many. And we read, 30 Then Saul s anger burned against Jonathan and he said to him, You son of a perverse, rebellious woman! Do I not know that you are choosing the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of your mother s nakedness? 31 For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Therefore now, send and bring him to me, for he must surely die. 32 But Jonathan answered Saul his father and said to him, Why should he be put to death? What has he done? 33 Then Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him down; so Jonathan knew that his father had decided to put David to death. 34 Then Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and did not eat food on the second day of the new moon, for he was grieved over David because his father had dishonored him. By the way, Ephesians 6 warns, 4a... fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.... By his anger, Saul provoked his son to anger! Saul s anger was sinful anger because it rose out of jealousy and selfish ambition. But Jonathan s anger was a response to the wrong that had been done to his friend and a response to the murderous intention of his father. 4. David s anger against Nabal In 1 Samuel 25, David and his men are on the run from the wrath of Saul. And it happened that David heard about a wealthy sheep-owner named Nabal who needed workers during the busiest season of the year - the sheep-shearing season. So he sent his men to help. But when it came time to be paid, Nabal answered David s servants, and said, Who is David? And who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants today who are each breaking away from his master. 11 Shall I then take my bread and my water and my meat that I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men whose origin I do not know? Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 5

6 12 So David s young men retraced their way and went back; and they came and told him according to all these words. 13 And David said to his men, Each of you gird on his sword. So each man girded on his sword. And David also girded on his sword, and about four hundred men went up behind David.... Hundreds of armed men on the way to kill one arrogant fool. Seems like an overkill (no pun intended). But then again - David was angry! What Nabal did was wrong, even his wife knew it. But what was anger leading David to do? To take matters into his own hands, to seek revenge, and to commit murder! Without question, it was sinful anger. 5. Jonah s anger against the Lord. The book of Jonah is a personal confession of the prophet s anger against God. He was the reluctant missionary, who went and preached to the inhabitants of Nineveh against his will. Jonah felt they deserved the wrath of God for how they had treated the Jews. But when the Ninevites listened to his preaching and repented, God spared their lives. So we read in chapter 4, 1 But it greatly displeased Jonah, and he became angry. 2 And he prayed to the Lord and said, Please Lord, was not this what I said while I was still in my own country? Therefore, in order to forestall this I fled to Tarshish, for I knew that Thou art a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, and one who relents concerning calamity. 3 Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for death is better to me than life. 4 And the Lord said, Do you have good reason to be angry? There it is again - that searching question. The Lord knew the answer. But He wanted Jonah to stop and face what was going through his heart! Before you say another word, before you take another step - think, Jonah! Think! But Jonah wanted to sulk in his anger. So he went and sat outside the city. The sun was scorching, so 5b... he made a shelter for himself and sat under it in the shade until he could see what would happen in the city. 6 So the Lord God appointed a plant and it grew up over Jonah to be a shade over his head to deliver him from his discomfort. And Jonah was extremely happy about the plant. 7 But God appointed a worm when dawn came the next day, and it attacked the plant and it withered. 8 And it came about when the sun came up that God appointed a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on Jonah s head so that he became faint and begged with all his soul to die, saying, Death is better to me than life. 9a Then God said to Jonah, Do you have good reason to be angry about the plant?.... There s that question again! And Jonah replied, 9b... I have good reason to be angry, even to death. Wrong! Here s a clear example of a man who was so angry, he would not listen to reason! We call it - implacable! Stubborn. Hard-headed. Here s also a clear example of a man who is consumed with anger, because of his disappointment with God. He felt the Lord let him down, brought on the very thing he didn t want to see happen. And he became angry! 6. Jesus anger against the moneychangers Now, look at John 2. Earlier, I mentioned the fact that Jesus got angry. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 6

7 This is the first of two occasions when Jesus cleansed the temple. We re told that the Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 And He found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the moneychangers seated. He was stirred to anger! 15 And He made a scourge of cords [not to use on the men, but on the animals], and drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the moneychangers, and overturned their tables; 16 and to those who were selling the doves He said, Take these things away; stop making My Father s house a house of merchandise. If we had asked, Lord, why are You angry? He would have said, Because of the dishonor this has brought to My Father in desecrating His house! His response was not a fit of rage, like people who slam doors, punch holes in walls or smash furniture to bits! He took deliberate and decisive steps to clean out the temple and bring the ungodly money-making to a screeching halt! It was righteous indignation - anger for a righteous reason, shown in a righteous response. By the way, it s significant to note that Jesus didn t get angry for any wrong committed against Himself personally. Instead, He was stirred to anger when His Father was dishonored in any way - His name, His house or His Law. And it begs the question: How much of our anger comes from taking things personally? How much of our anger is about us - our feelings, our rights, our hurts and disappointments? That s why it s so important for us to stop and ask, Why am I angry? Is it something God would say I should be angry about? The Way to Victory over Anger Now that we have a clearer picture of what sinful anger is about, we come to the matter of how to gain victory over it. Let s begin with this overarching truth: we can gain victory over anger only through trusting in God. All human remedies fall short - the twelve steps, the ten principles, the seven laws, or the three keys. Worldly wisdom might temper the reaction and take the edge off, but only God can really change lives. And His goal is to transform us and to conform us to the image of His Son so that we ll be like Christ. We ll have His love, His wisdom, His power and His self-control. Ultimately, it is God Who gives us victory! So, we have to turn to Him, trust His Word, and obey it with the Spirit s direction and power! 1. Learn to overlook petty offenses. How miserable our life would be if we got angry over every little thing that doesn t go our way! There are so many things we shouldn t let bother or upset us. True wisdom helps us see the difference between what s petty and what s not, what should be overlooked and what should be confronted. But too often, our vision gets so narrow, and we focus on what happened rather than taking in the bigger picture. We would rather be right than find a solution. We would rather win an argument than win a friend. We would rather vent our frustration rather than maintain a strong Christian testimony. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 7

8 Proverbs 20:3 brings it out clearly: 3 Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel. 1 Remind yourself of those words the next time you re tempted to stand up for your rights, let him have it, or give him a piece of your mind! Learn to overlook petty offenses. Proverbs 19:11 tells us, 11 A man s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. 2. Think before you react. God admonishes us to be slow to anger. For example, James 1:19b instructs us to be 19b... quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. In Proverbs 16 we read, 32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Have you noticed how our society seems to promote anger as a strength? You ve got to stand up for yourself. Don t let anyone treat you that way. Don t be a doormat for anybody. Don t be a wimp. Be a man, and fight for your rights! On the contrary, godly wisdom teaches us that controlling anger displays real strength of character. Holding back anger (being slow to anger) is a actually a virtue. In fact, we re to be slow to anger because that s how God is! Yes, that s right! In Psalm 103, we read, 8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. 2 It s always wise to be slow to anger, to think before you react. 3. Seek God s help through prayer. Many people find relief in venting their anger. They ll spew out their frustration, disgust, animosity and hatred. They ve been assured they ll feel a lot better by getting it off their chest. But even psychological studies have questioned this advice. While venting might provide some relief, it s only temporary. The studies have found that those who let it all out, actually become angry more often! It s not that healthy after all! A better course of action is speaking openly and honestly with the Lord. I don t mean venting our anger and frustration on Him. But letting Him know how we feel, how we re struggling and how desperately we need (and want) His help! Many of the Psalms are prayers like that, in which we find the writer crying out to God. 4. Be careful with your words. Listen to Proverbs 15:28, 28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Evil things don t involve just profanity and swear words. It also includes hurtful comments, rude remarks, harsh statements, heated accusations, sarcastic comebacks. The mouth of those who have no care or consideration for God pours out such words! But the righteous thinks carefully 28a... how to answer Proverbs 14:29 29 He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. Ecclesiastes 7:9 9 Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools. 2 Cp. also Exodus 34:6; Numbers 14:18; Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 86:15; 145:8; and Nahum 1:3. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 8

9 Consider also Proverbs 15:1. It reminds us, 1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Gentle is not just about volume. Someone might say, I m not yelling. I m speaking very softly. That s fine, but gentle is really about tone and spirit. Gentle is kind and considerate as opposed to harsh. It s self-controlled. Be careful with your words. I love this saying, The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you re swimming and when you re angry. Another good piece of advice is: Speak when you are angry and you ll make the best speech you ll ever regret. 3 We might say, I take that back! But as much as we wish we could, we can t! Be careful with your words. James 1:19b cautions us to be 19b... slow to speak Stop before you lose control. We know when we re getting angry. We know when the heat is rising, when a disagreement is nearing a conflict. That s the time to stop or else it ll get ugly and turn into a fight. I don t mean just turn your back on someone and walk away. But politely say, I want us to get this resolved, but I need to step away for awhile to calm down and think. Proverbs 17:14 draws this comparison: 14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. Don t let the pressure build, or you ll reach a point where it s too late. One of the common mistakes we make is to be rash in our judgment. We assume we know what happened, what the other person is thinking or what his motive is. We believe we have enough information to draw the right conclusion. And we act prematurely. But what a terrible mistake that is. Proverbs 18:13 warns, 13 He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him. When we react without thinking (when we act assuming we ve got the picture) we behave foolishly (out of control) and heap shame upon ourselves. How embarrassed we feel when we find we ve jumped to the wrong conclusion! Stop before you lose control. 6. Guard your thoughts. Emotions are generated from the mind. That s right! From the mind. You see, what you think about triggers your feelings - whether it s anger, worry, fear, guilt, or depression. The more Cain thought about it, the angrier he got with Abel. The more Saul thought about it, the angrier he got with Jonathan. The more Jonah thought about it, the angrier he got with God. They all needed to stop and evaluate what was racing through their mind, what scenes were being replayed, what outcomes they were imagining. We have to do the same - guard our thoughts. We might be saying to ourself, I didn t deserve to be treated like that!, Why doesn t he just do what I say?, How could she be so rude and inconsiderate?, I m always the one having to clean up!, This is so unfair, Why does it always happen to me?, I deserve to have what he has, I should be appreciated, I have a right to be shown respect and so on. 3 Henry Ward Beecher Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 9

10 Get the picture? The next time you get angry, listen to what you re saying to yourself. The more you say these things, the more fuel you pour on the flame. But let the words of Psalm 19 be your constant prayer, 14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. Let God help you - guard your thoughts! 7. Don t carry anger with you. In Ephesians 4 we read, 26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. This doesn t mean you have to settle a conflict completely before you call it a day. But what you have to deal with is your own sinful attitude, your angry reaction. Make that right with God. Clear your conscience. You can agree with other person that there s more to talk about to get things resolved. But dealing with your sin is your own responsibility. And it s not a matter you can just sleep on. By the way, people often say, Time heals all wounds. I ve got news for you it s not true. It s not true physically or spiritually. If you don t treat a wound properly, what happens? It gets infected and becomes worse. Likewise, if we don t deal with anger properly, time will only cause it fester and spread the infectious poison of bitterness. Don t carry anger with you. 8. Confess your anger to the Lord with true repentance. Don t excuse it or minimize it. The only way to deal with sin is to repentant of it. And keep in mind that repentance is a 180-degree turn. You are turning from what s wrong. But you re also turning to what s right (that is, what s right according to God). When there s true repentance, you acknowledge that what you did (or said) was wrong. You accept the blame and take full responsibility for it. You seek God s forgiveness through humble confession. And you forsake the sin and commit to do what s right - to do what God wants you to do to change. Listen to what Proverbs 28:13 says: 13 He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion - God s compassion (His mercy, His forgiveness, and His transforming work in your life). And with that change of heart, you begin to show the fruit of repentance. The first step towards victory is to confess your anger to the Lord with true repentance. 9. Examine the desires of your heart. Remember this: sinful anger is rooted in selfishness. Here s what James 4 explains: 1 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2a You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel.... Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 10

11 You see, we get angry because there s something we want but can t get. So we get frustrated and angry. But then, we should stop and ask ourselves: What were my desires? What did I want? What did I expect to have? Was my desire legitimate? Was it selfish? Was it something God would say I must have? Anger is a matter of the desires of our heart. In some way, we re frustrated. There was a desire we not only hoped for, but demanded to have. It would be nice to be appreciated. But when I don t get it, what then? How do I respond? Examine the desires of your heart. 10. Believe God s Word that you can control anger. Remember the Hulk? When he got angry, look out - he turned into something he didn t want to be. He couldn t help it. But the Hulk is a fictional character. It s not that way with us. Listen - no one can make you angry. Anger is a choice. We might be tempted to say, You make me so angry! Well, toss those words from your vocabulary! Don t say it to anyone. Don t say it to yourself. Instead, remind yourself what is true. And the truth is: the Spirit of God gives us the power of self-control, meaning that we can choose not to give in to anger. And if we re getting angry, self-control means that we can stop. What s more, self-control means that we can choose to respond in the opposite way (and surprise everybody around, even ourself). We can choose to 32a... be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other Do you believe it? That s what God said. Believe His Word that you can control anger. 11. Learn from the injustices you encounter. When you re wronged, consider what lessons God is teaching you and what areas of your character He is testing. Don t focus your attention on the offense (on what happened to you and how you feel about it). Don t replay the injury or the wrong over and over again in your mind. Instead, bring God into the picture. Remind yourself that He is in control of every circumstance in your life, and He has a purpose behind them all - to work each one out for your good. 5 And that includes the injustices and mistreatment you suffer. Follow the example of Christ. 1 Peter 2 tells us, while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. Whatever offenses you go through, consider that God is up to something good in your life. Trust Him that whatever He decides is right. He has a plan and purpose He is seeking to work out that will grow your character and help you mature. Rather than focusing on how you ve been treated, focus on what God is showing you. Learn from the injustices you encounter. 12. Let the Spirit do His work in your life. 4 Ephesians 4:32 5 Romans 8:28 Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 11

12 Galatians 5 presents two options: we either walk by the flesh or by the Spirit. In other words, we ll be controlled by one or the other either by the flesh (what comes naturally) or by the Spirit (what comes supernaturally). When the flesh has control, anger takes control. But when the Spirit has control, the result is just the opposite. We ll grow in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23a gentleness, self-control.... And when this fruit is abounding, there s no room for the weeds of anger and bitterness. Trust God to make these qualities evident in your life. Let the Spirit do His work in your life. 13. Replace anger with what God wants you to put on instead. The power to change comes from God. But we have a part in it as well. Let me take you back to Ephesians 4 again: 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And we replace it with: be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. The key is not just to stop getting angry (to put away anger). The way to gain victory is to replace it with the opposite - in this case, being kind... tenderhearted, forgiving.... We might ask someone, Are you still upset? And they might respond, Why are you asking me that? I m not saying or doing anything wrong, am I? They re just not talking to us. They re avoiding us. They think they are controlling anger (by burying it). But are they trying to replace it with God wants to see - kindness, tender-heartedness, and forgiveness? That s the real test of change. You see, change is not subtraction. Change is replacement. In fact, that s the way to tell that you ve really gained victory over anger. Are you changing? Determine to replace anger with what God wants you to put on instead. 14. Don t associate with an angry person. Proverbs 22 warns, 24 Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hottempered man. A 24a... man given to anger.... is one who hasn t learned to control his anger; it is in control of him. Why are we not to associate with him? What s the danger? Well, let s read on: 25 lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself. 6 Sometimes we can t help being with certain people in our life who are given to anger. They are people whom we work with. They are our supervisors. They are teammates or coaches. They are neighbors. They may be parents, spouses or relatives. In that case, we have to do what we can to guard against their influence on our attitude. But when we can, we must choose our friends wisely. By the way, Proverbs 19 warns not to make excuses for an angry man, 19 A man of great anger shall bear the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again. Don t associate with an angry person. 6 1 Corinthians 15:33 33 Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 12

13 15. Ask a friend to hold you accountable. If it s become a pattern of behavior (a habit), then you ll need all the help you can get. Find someone who will be a real friend - who cares enough about you that he ll be open and honest, remind you of your commitment to change, confront you when you re losing control, and even rebuke you when you re being stubborn. Proverbs 27 says, 5 Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed, meaning: 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. You can also be accountable by spending time with people who have a heart for God. Find a godly Christian to disciple or mentor you. Get involved with a small group who will encourage you spiritually. The truth is: God uses people in our life to help us along the way. Closing Thoughts You can gain victory over anger! It is not an incurable disease ( I have to live with it ). It is not a genetic disposition ( It runs in the family ). It is not a personality disorder ( This is how I am ). It s not an lifelong addiction ( I can t help it ). It s a sinful habit you can overcome - with God s help! No one is beyond reach. There s always hope for change - for anyone! Let God s Word encourage you and believe that you can change. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. And don t wait until you re in the heat of battle to come up with a plan. Prepare for victory before it strikes, before the enemy attacks. Keep increasing in your love and knowledge of Christ. Keep growing in godly character, letting the Spirit produce His fruit in your life. Go over the principles we re covered and put them to work - starting today! Life is too valuable to waste on self-destructive patterns of anger. Time is too short to waste on sinful outbursts of anger. Your testimony for Christ is too important to waste on embarrassing displays of anger. God wants Jesus love, kindness, patience and forgiveness to be on public display in you so that others will be drawn to Him. That s the reason we re here! Wherever you go, keep in mind: the way you handle the problems and pressures you encounter can be a compelling testimony to the awesome, life-changing power of Christ! Sunday morning, September 23, Faith Bible Church. Gaining Victory Over Anger - Page 13