How to Use This Book RONNIE FRIEDLAND...xvii. Foreword ANITA DIAMANT...xx. Preface RABBI KERRY M. OLITZKY...xxiii. Introduction PAULA BRODY...

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1 Contents How to Use This Book RONNIE FRIEDLAND...xvii Foreword ANITA DIAMANT...xx Preface RABBI KERRY M. OLITZKY...xxiii Acknowledgments...xxvii Introduction PAULA BRODY...xxix 1. INTERFAITH WEDDINGS...1 You Don t Need a Rabbi to Have a Jewish Wedding ANITA DIAMANT...1 Our Jewish-ish Wedding JIM KEEN...4 Why Do You Do This? A Rabbi s Experience with Interfaith Marriage NEIL KOMINSKY...8 How I Honored My Non-Jewish Parents at My Jewish Wedding ALICE WAUGH...11 One Rabbi s Approach to Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies DEVON A. LERNER...14 What s Jewish about the Jewish Wedding? JEFFREY K. SALKIN INTERFAITH RELATIONSHIPS...23 Opening Up Communication in an Interfaith Relationship PAULA BRODY...23

2 viii Contents What Jews and Christians Should Know about Each Other BRUCE KADDEN...27 Approaching Our Twenty-seventh Anniversary JANICE G. FISCHEL...30 Acknowledging a Dual Heritage While Choosing One Religion WENDY WELTMAN PALMER CHOOSING A RELIGIOUS IDENTITY FOR YOUR CHILD...37 If I m Jewish and You re Christian, What Are the Kids? ANDREA KING...37 Raising My Children as Jews ANNIE MODESITT...40 Intermarried and Pregnant: Thoughts about Our Child s Religious Future CHRISTINA PERTUS-HENDELMAN...44 But Josh Isn t Religious. Why Should We Raise Our Children as Jews? ROBERTA KESTEN CALDERONE...47 Making Religious Choices for Our Children ARLENE SARAH CHERNOW TELLING YOUR PARENTS ABOUT YOUR RELIGIOUS DECISIONS FOR YOUR CHILDREN...53 A Very Difficult Thing to Do: Telling Your Parents You are Raising Your Children in Your Partner s Faith PAULA BRODY...53 Telling My Christian Parents I m Raising My Children in the Jewish Faith CHERYL OPPER...57 You re Raising Them What? Telling Your Parents You Are Raising Jewish Kids JIM KEEN...59

3 Contents ix 5. BIRTH CEREMONIES: BAPTISM, BABY NAMING, AND BRIT MILAH...63 Welcoming Babies into Intermarried Families: Choosing Ceremonies ANITA DIAMANT...63 Is Heaven Denied to an Unbaptized Child? Advice and Perspective for Catholic Parents Who Are Raising Their Children within Judaism WALTER H. CUENIN...67 Helping Couples Cope with the Bris/Baptism Question ROBERTA KESTEN CALDERONE...70 Baby Namings in My Interfaith Family JIM KEEN...72 Planning a Brit Bat for Your Daughter ANITA DIAMANT...76 Through the Eyes of a Mohelet: An Interfaith Bris LILLIAN R. G. SCHAPIRO...80 Our Jewish Family: Two Sons, One Circumcised and One Not; a Scottish, Presbyterian, Circumcised Husband; and Me, the Jewish Mother AVIGAIL LIPMAN...82 Welcoming a Son into an Interfaith Family: What Is a Mohel and How Do You Find One? KENNETH S. WEISS...86 On the Eighth Day, in Every Generation: A Guide to Brit Milah BRADLEY SHAVIT ARTSON PARENTING IN INTERFAITH RELATIONSHIPS...93 Why Isn t Daddy Jewish? Questions Children of Intermarriage Ask ANDREA KING...93

4 x Contents Raising My Kids Jewish, When I m Protestant JIM KEEN...95 So You Want to Be a Jewish Mother, but You re Not Jewish? BARBARA ROSMAN PENZNER...98 A Catholic Mother of Jewish Children PATRICIA LOMBARD How to Talk to Your Kids about Jesus DEBRA B. DARVICK Parenting My Jewish Children in Our Interfaith Family: A Non-Jewish Parent s Point of View WENDY CASE Parenting My Jewish Children in Our Interfaith Family: A Jewish Parent s Point of View EDMUND CASE Musings about Raising Children of a Different Religion WENDY CASE BAR AND BAT MITZVAH IN AN INTERFAITH FAMILY Of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and Non-Jewish Parents DANIEL SIEGEL Attending My Niece s Bat Mitzvah: A Non-Jewish Perspective MARTHA LITTLE Creating a Comfortable Bar or Bat Mitzvah for Intermarried Families BARBARA ROSMAN PENZNER Our Jewish-Italian Family s Celebration of Our Daughter s Bat Mitzvah DEBORAH FREEMAN...126

5 Contents xi 8. TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT INTERFAITH DATING How to Talk to Your Kids about Interfaith Dating EDMUND CASE Feelings about My Sons Interfaith Dating CHARLES B. MCMILLAN My Quandary: A Happily Intermarried Mom Talks to Her Daughter about Potential Problems in Interfaith Marriages RONNIE CAPLANE RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE EXTENDED FAMILY Him, Her, or Us: The Family Loyalty Knot ELEANOR W. JAFFE Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother: Reflections on Being Part of an Interfaith Family REENA G. W. JUDD How I Prepared My Kids for Their First Mass and Their Aunt s Catholic Wedding JERI ZEDER GRANDPARENTING On Being the Jewish Grandmother of a Christian Grandchild PAULA LEE HELLMAN On Learning That My Jewish Son Would Raise His Daughter Catholic NAN MEYER How Joining a Parents of Children with Interfaith Relationships Group Helped Me BOBBIE FRIEDMAN...155

6 xii Contents 11. DIVORCE AND STEPFAMILY ISSUES FOR INTERFAITH FAMILIES Divorce and the Interfaith Family JEFFREY A. MARX Divorced, Not Jewish, but My Kids Are DANIEL LITTLE When Her Christian Mother and Her Jewish Stepfather Divorced, She Kept Her Judaism RONNIE CAPLANE When a Divorced, Traditional Mother of Two Fell in Love with a Non-Jew JENNIFER M. PAQUETTE GAY INTERFAITH RELATIONSHIPS Interfaith at the Top LEV BA ESH My Life as the Non-Jewish Partner of a Rabbi C. ANDREW MARTIN CREATING JEWISH ADOPTIVE FAMILIES With Chai You Get Eggroll: Raising a Jewish-Chinese Daughter in America MARLYN KRESS On Adopting Children from a Different Religion and Culture CHERYL A. LIEBERMAN Our Son s Conversion to Judaism SUSAN SILVERMAN GROWING UP INANINTERFAITH FAMILY Joyful Family Traditions ROHANNA GIBSON GREEN...189

7 Contents xiii Growing Up Half and Half but Feeling Whole STEPHANIE BRUCE Growing Up Jewish in an Interfaith Family EMILY CASE Visiting Israel a Land I Feel a Strong Bond with, but Where I Am Not Considered a Jew ADAM CASE THE DECEMBER DILEMMA Happy Holidays? Understanding December Dilemmas in the Context of Jewish Family Memories PAULA BRODY Negotiating Christmas RENA MELLO The Disappearing Christmas Tree PAULA LEE HELLMAN Will Santa Bring Me Presents, Even If I m Jewish? JIM KEEN How Can I Embrace the December Holidays without Offending My Jewish Family? CHERYL OPPER My First Christmas EMILY H. CAPPO December Angst SHERI LEVIN MCNERTHNEY Facing the December Dilemma: Guidelines for Interfaith Couples JUNE ANDREWS HOROWITZ...222

8 xiv Contents 16. CELEBRATING OTHER HOLIDAYS Eggs and Plagues: Handling Easter and Passover in Our Interfaith Family JIM KEEN Holy Promised Spirit Land BONNI GOLDBERG Understanding the High Holy Days: A Primer for Non-Jewish Partners JONATHAN E. KRAUS How Jews Can Help Their Christian Partners During the High Holidays: A Protestant Perspective JIM KEEN Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and the Non-Jewish Partner ANDREA KING How I Used My Christmas Tree Decorations to Light Up My Sukkah PAULA C. YABLONSKY Shabbat Becomes My Own RACHEL GOLDSMITH DEATH AND MOURNING IN INTERFAITH FAMILIES Till Death Do Us Part ANITA DIAMANT Mourning My Episcopalian Mother as a Jew-by-Choice PAULA C. YABLONSKY Jewish Burial and Mourning Practice for Non-Jewish Relatives PAUL J. CITRIN Bereavement and the Interfaith Family ELIAS LIEBERMAN...259

9 Contents xv My First Wake DAVID HOROWITZ My First Shiva JUNE ANDREWS HOROWITZ INTERFAITH FAMILIES AND THE SYNAGOGUE Sojourners among Us: Non-Jews in Jewish Life DAVID REGENSPAN Is There a Place for Me in Judaism? WENDY CASE Walking the Tightrope: Dilemmas a Rabbi Feels with Interfaith Families JONATHAN E. KRAUS Interfaith Families and Synagogues: A New Approach SAMUEL N. GORDON Welcoming Intermarrieds in Shul: An Ordained Orthodox Rabbi s Perspective MARK HILLEL KUNIS Will Christopher McNulty Feel at Home in a Jewish Religious School? SHEILA E. GOLDBERG Is Judaism Necessarily Insular? RACHEL BARENBLAT The Synagogue as Village: Will It Welcome Interfaith Villagers? ROSE L. LEVINSON Intermarriage Has Our Blessing MYRNA BARON First Steps into Synagogue Life DEBORA W. ANTONOFF...298

10 xvi Contents A Challenge to Action ELEANOR W. JAFFE Judaism Is Not a Closed Club DRU GREENWOOD CONVERSION My Conversion Story ANITA DIAMANT Becoming Jewish in the Eyes of My Parents CATHERINE BRENNAN REIN Sanctifying Waters: The Mikvah and Conservative Judaism MYRON S. GELLER Doing the Conversion Two-Step KERRY M. OLITZKY Welcoming Initiates to Judaism: Why I Prefer the Term Initiation DANIEL SIEGEL Afterword EDMUND CASE Glossary Resources About InterfaithFamily.com About Jewish Lights...337