To Spank or Not to Spank

Transcription

1 Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Proverbs 13:24 has been one of the main Scriptures quoted by Bible teachers and Christian parents to either endorse corporal punishment and the use of an instrument, such as a paddle, spoon or a switch, rather than the hand. Others have also used this Scripture to renounce corporal punishment altogether because of the potential for child abuse. The Proverbs were written to give instruction, that we might receive wise counsel and gain understanding (see Proverbs 1:2-5). All Scripture is inspired or God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16). We must use wisdom when interpreting the meaning and applying the truths to our lives. The best way to interpret the Bible, especially difficult portions of Scripture, is the Bible itself. We must use caution that we do not take Scripture out of context and always bear in mind that Scripture will never contradict Scripture. One example is Mark 9:43-47 where Jesus instructs us to cut off our hand or foot, or pluck out our eye if it causes us to sin. If we took these verses literally our churches would be filled with maimed and blinded men and women. Instead, Jesus is emphasizing the seriousness of sin and cautioning His disciples to guard themselves against sin or even looking upon things that might tempt them or cause them to stumble. Our loving Heavenly Father is not instructing us to mutilate ourselves in order to avoid sin (Mark 9:43-47) or to pick up a rod and beat our children (Proverbs 13:24). God knows our human weaknesses; that we are prone to conditional love and to easily lose patience with our children, therefore He would never give parents license to abuse the children He has entrusted to them to love and train. He does, however, make a strong statement that the use of the rod or neglecting its use is a clear indication of a parent s love or hatred for their child. This verse therefore should not be ignored or disregarded for lack of understanding. Let s examine Proverbs 13:24, compare Scripture to Scripture and seek to understand this important instruction and wise counsel for parents. The various translations below reinforce the key components of this verse: spare, rod, hate, love, and prompt discipline, and are followed by the Hebrew word, definition, and common King James usage. He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (NKJ) He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (NIV) 1

2 He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently. (NAU) He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. (RSV) If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them. (NLT) Spare, withhold, or refuse means: Chasak (Khaw-sak ); a primitive root; to restrain or refrain; by implication, to refuse, spare, preserve; also to observe; to withhold, to hold back, to keep in check. King James usage assuage, forbear, hinder, hold back, keep back, refrain, reserve, spare or withhold. The rod Shebet (shay -bet); from an unused root probably meaning, to branch off; a scion, i.e. (literally) a stick for punishing, writing, fighting, ruling, walking; a measuring device; a clan or tribe. A rod or staff (used of a shepherd s implement to guide the sheep and protect them against other animals). A shaft (used of a spear and a dart for battle). A truncheon, a scepter (a mark of authority to rule). A measuring device King James usage correction, dart, rod, scepter, staff or tribe. It is clear that many of the above interpretations of the rod could not be appropriately applied to spanking a child. This once again reinforces the importance of taking into consideration, not only the application of each word, but also the full counsel of the Word of God. Paul was beaten with a rod by his enemies (2 Corinthians 11:25). On two occasions an evil spirit came over King Saul, inciting him to pin David to the wall with a spear (1 Samuel 18 & 19). It is inconceivable that God would ever condone such behavior as a method of training up children. A shepherd s staff is used to gently guide to control the sheep as well as protect his sheep from wolves or criminals intent on harming them. A truncheon or scepter was a mark of authority and symbolized a right to rule over those entrusted to your care and responsibility, and could apply to a parents responsibility and authority over their children. Many times in the Scriptures the rod, branch, staff or shaft was used as a measuring device. Ezekiel 40:3 is one such instance designating a rod as a portion which had been measured off. 2

3 Could a clan or tribe refer to our family and children? Hates his son means: Sane (saw-nay ); to hate (personally) King James usage enemy, foe, hate, odious. Because discipline is evidence of true parental love, hate is used figuratively in the sense that refusal to discipline a child is to act as his enemy, allowing the child s self-will to control his life and behavior. Diligent Shachar (Shaw-khar ); to dawn, to be up early at any task with the implication of earnestness, to search for with painstaking. King James usage to do something speedily, enquire early, prompt, rise (seek), seek diligently, early in the morning. Muwcar (moo-sawr ); to discipline our children means to discipline early, earnestly, promptly Discipline King James usage: properly, chastisement, correction, rebuke, reproof, warning, or instruction or to train. I strongly believe that Proverbs 13:24 is biblical instruction on the necessity for parents to establish and maintain their God-given place as the authority over their children. Parents must begin this training early in their child s life and remain consistent. Spanking should be used as a form of punishment to motivate a child if he or she refuses the discipline given to them. Hebrews 12:6-11 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:6-11 tells us that God disciplines & scourges those whom He loves for their good, in order that they would share His holiness and live in peace. As parents, we are to follow God s example and train up our children for the same reason. Hebrews 12:6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives. 3

4 The word chastens means: to bring up a child; to educate; to train; to discipline. It includes moral character and mature character. The word scourges means: to chastise; to punish. It entails any and all suffering which God ordains for His children, which is always designed for their good. Notice the order in which these two words are given. First we have chastens; to train them. Second we have scourges; to punish them. This is a very important principle and order parents must understand and practice in the training of their children. Scourging or punishment comes after chastening or disciplining/training meaning that punishment is to be used if a child refuses to receive or accept the discipline or training. Punishment is NOT to be used as the only way to train our children. It is using them together in their proper order that God s Word instructs us how we are to train them. All children are born foolish and without character and need to be trained. A parent is to train their children diligently, not just when they feel like doing it. When a child breaks a rule, they are proving to themselves and the parent/s that they are not mature yet. If a child is unwilling to receive the discipline or training when they do fail, that is when a parent needs to be willing to motivate them, by a punishment, to get them to yield to the parents authority and accept the discipline. It is very important for parents to make this clear distinction between discipline and punishment (1 Samuel 12:15). The following is from Ironside Commentaries on Proverbs, H.A. Ironside: Family discipline should be patterned after the divine discipline of Hebrews 12. It is not love, but the lack of it, that allows a child to go undisciplined. He is allowed to develop unchecked tendencies and inclinations that will result in future sorrow. Ours is a day of great laxity in discipline. The coming generation will reap the bitter fruit of the absence of restraint and the evident aversion to discipline in the majority of homes. A sickly sentimentality, supposedly wiser and more compassionate than God Himself, has made it fashionable to denounce the use of the rod as a relic of a barbarous age. But the difference in the character of disciplined children and the well-ordered home certainly proves the truth of Scripture. It is even worse when control is ignored among Christians on the plea that grace is reigning. Grace never sets aside restraint. The two principles are not opposed. In the divine ways, grace and restraint work side by side, as they should in the home. Contrast Eli (1 Samuel 3:13-14) with Abraham (Genesis 18:19). In Conclusion As you use Scripture to analyze these verses I believe it is very clear that God is instructing parents that when needed, we must be ready to use even pain if our children do not yield to our authority and accept our discipline. Most parents are very confused over the difference between discipline and punishment and due to their ignorance, most parents use punishment to train their children when they make a mistake or break a rule. 4

5 This is the big problem and why so many people are against using corporal punishment for children. God s Word tells us that our children are born foolish (Proverbs 22:15); which means they are lacking morals and mature character. So as parents, our job, besides to love them, is to instill Godly morals and values and mature character. Parents are to train them or discipline them. Failures are to be seen as opportunities to train or discipline them, not punish them. Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 22:15, & Proverbs 23:13-14 are instructions to us parents to discipline or train up our children and in the event a child does not yield to our authority and accept the discipline or training, we then need to find a way to motivate (punish) them to accept our training. Most parents go straight to punishment, which is wrong and sends the wrong message to our children. Punishment is to be used for defiance and/or rebellion not foolishness. The Hand or an Object? A commonly asked question is, Should parents use their hand to spank or an instrument such as a spoon or paddle? Some believe that parents should not spank with their hand because this may send a mixed message to their child, that the hand should be used only for love and affection and not punishment. In answering this question we must look to our Heavenly Father as our supreme example. First, let s look at how God used His hand to inflict punishment to His people. Joshua 4:24 That all the peoples of the earth may know the hand of the LORD, that it is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever. Ruth 1:13 it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the LORD has gone out against me! 1 Samuel 5:6-9 But the hand of the LORD was heavy on the people of Ashdod, and He ravaged them and struck them with tumors, both Ashdod and its territory. So it was, after they had carried it away, that the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction; and He struck the men of the city, both small and great, and tumors broke out on them. 1 Samuel 12:15 However, if you do not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then the hand of the LORD will be against you, as it was against your fathers. 5

6 2 Samuel 24:17 Then David spoke to the LORD when he saw the angel who was striking the people, and said, Surely I have sinned, and I have done wickedly; but these sheep, what have they done? Let Your hand, I pray, be against me and against my father s house. Scripture confirms that the hand of the Lord brought discipline and punishment upon His people. But with that same hand He patiently guided and instructed them with abundant mercy and lovingkindness. 2 Samuel 24:14 And David said to Gad, I am in great distress. Please let us fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercies are great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man. 1 Kings 18:46 Then the hand of the LORD came upon Elijah; and he girded up his loins and ran ahead of Ahab to the entrance of Jezreel. Psalm 45:4 And in Your majesty ride prosperously because of truth, humility, and righteousness; and Your right hand shall teach You awesome things. Psalm 48:10 According to Your name, O God, so is Your praise to the ends of the earth; Your right hand is full of righteousness. Psalm 118:16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted; the right hand of the LORD does valiantly. The same hand that punished also lovingly embraced, bringing no confusion or contradiction. We can only site two occasions in Scripture when Jesus used an instrument to either punish or bring judgment, neither of which were directed to God s children. In one case He drove the money-changers our of His Father s house with a whip (John 2:15), and the other will occur when He returns in His Second Coming to bring divine judgment upon the unbelieving world (Revelation 14:14). Like our Heavenly Father, our hand should be the instrument of both love and training to our children. The same hand that sooths and comforts, feeds, holds, caresses, tickles, rubs a child s head or holds their hand is the same hand that also brings forth punishment when that child refuses to accept the parent s authority and discipline. Using the hand, rather than an instrument also assures that the parent will have more control both in where their hand will land as well as the amount of pain they will inflict. Because this control is lacking when using an instrument, there is a greater potential for abuse. The use of spanking as punishment when a child refuses the parent s authority and discipline is Biblical and should be used according to the following Biblical guidelines. 6

7 Spanking should be done promptly when a child is defying your authority and not accepting the discipline before sinful patterns are developed Proverbs 13:24. Parents should clearly explain to the child the offense for which the child is being punished Proverbs 4:4, 11. Parents should express grief for the child s act of defiance Proverbs 17:25. Parents should always avoid unnecessary severity Ephesians 6:4 (see notes in Session 8 Principles for the Use of Spanking - of the Parenting is a Ministry course, page 63). We have seen in Proverbs 13:24 & Hebrews 12:6-11 that discipline is love, that a parent who disciplines their child promptly and consistently loves them, and the parent who refuses to discipline their child is behaving toward that child like an enemy. Proverbs gives additional benefits of discipline, which may include the use of spanking. Gives hopes for the child s future, rather than destruction by his own willfulness Proverbs 19:18. Cleanses and purifies the child s heart Proverbs 20:30. Drives out foolishness out of the child s heart Proverbs 22:15. To break the rebellious heart and deliver the child from eternal punishment Proverbs 23:13,14. To teach wisdom and understanding Proverbs 10:13, 29:15. Brings peace to a home and comforts a parent s heart Proverbs 29:17. 7