THE BENEFITS OF BEING SINGLE

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1 THE BENEFITS OF BEING SINGLE Single, finding your value is not tied to finding your mate. God has a Plan For You. It was God that said : For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 The Apostle Paul understood the single lifestyle far better than the social commentators of our day. A summary of his inspired words in the New Testament present us with a challenge that cuts across the grain of our society: Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8: I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. Notice that he says some have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God's will for everyone. Paul, for example, did not have to worry about the extra problems and stresses that come with marriage and/or family. He devoted his entire life to spreading the Word of God. He would not have been such a useful messenger if he had been married. Being single has its benefits There s a good deal of controversy surrounding that concept, even though it is every bit as biblical as John 3:16. Make no mistake about what Paul is saying: If you are single, you are in a good position. Far too many single people fear they are missing out on God s plan or God s best for their lives if they aren t married. Many singles feel as if their lives are in a holding pattern, like an airplane that is supposed to be landing at its destination but has been ordered to circle the airport.

2 The Scripture deals with the subject of singleness head-on in 1 Corinthians 7:25 40, where the apostle Paul answers his readers questions concerning marriage and singleness. In this passage, we discover vital principles for singles: These main components make up much of what it means to be single and empower you to embrace your singlehood while maximizing every moment of your life. 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 New International Version (NIV) Concerning the Unmarried 25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord s affairs how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world how he can please his wife 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

3 36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. Paul makes it clear that if you are single, God can make your situation a blessing rather than bitter if you look to Him to do it. If you are single, take courage and pride in your position because God Himself is your purpose. You have been made for Him. As He says in Isaiah, Isaiah 54:5-6 New Living Translation (NLT) 5 For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. 6 For the Lord has called you back from your grief as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband, says your God. 1. If you can remain single and be devoted to the Lord in purity, do it.

4 Paul teaches that being single is good if a person is gifted for it, since it opens some opportunities for serving Christ that are closed to married people A. ADVANTAGES OF REMAINING SINGLE: Paul mentions at least two advantages for the person who is gifted to remain single. (1) Singles have more freedom in difficult times (7:26) 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.. Paul is quick to add that a person who marries at such a time has not sinned (7:28). But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. (the Greek word means pressure ), and Paul is trying to spare him. (2) Singles have more freedom to devote themselves fully to God and His service. In 7:32-35, Paul points out that the married person, of necessity, cannot be as devoted to the Lord as the single person. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord s affairs how he can please the Lord Marriage carries with it certain responsibilities and obligations that take time and effort which otherwise could have been given to the Lord. B. REASONS TO MARRY: The main reason Paul gives is that being celibate is a gift from God, and while he wishes that everyone had that gift, he recognizes that this is not so (7:7-9). You ask, How can I know if I have the gift of being celibate? There are two tests you can apply: (1) Can you control sexual desires? Paul is quite practical and human at this point (7:9) But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

5 If you are single and find that fighting sexual temptation is a daily, constant battle, then you need to pursue marriage. Paul is not saying that it is impossible for a single person to resist temptation, because he later says that in every temptation, God provides the way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). Every Christian can be pure in thought and deed. But if all your energy is directed toward fighting the battle of purity every day, the best solution is not more self-discipline, but a spouse. (2) Are you constantly lonely in spite of close relationships with the Lord and with other believers? I am going back to Genesis for this point, where we find Adam in a perfect environment, in unbroken fellowship with his Creator, and yet God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him (Gen. 2:18). To be lonely when you re single is not necessarily a sign of a spiritual problem. If as a single you can reasonably control your loneliness through Christian fellowship, then you may be able to remain single. 2. If you re not gifted for celibacy, pray and look for a godly mate. You maximize your potential while you are waiting A. FOCUS ON PERSONAL GROWTH IN GODLINESS. You can use your time as a single person to sit around feeling depressed and lonely Or, you can use it to seek the Lord in His Word and in prayer. If you use your time to read and study God s Word, to read good Christian books, to pray, and to serve the Lord in some capacity, when God introduces you to your life partner, you will be mature enough for the responsibilities of Christian marriage. If you want a godly mate, you ve got to become the kind of person the kind of person you want to marry would want to marry, namely, a godly person!

6 B. NEVER CONSIDER MARRIAGE TO AN UNBELIEVER. Burn it into your thinking: It is never God s will for a Christian to become unequally yoked with a non-christian in marriage (7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14-18). For some reason, it is usually Christian women who get tangled up with nice (they re always nice!) unbelieving men, rather than the other way around. He s the rule of thumb-i don t care how nice he is to you, if he is not committed to Jesus Christ and if he is not denying himself daily to follow Christ, then he s living for self. You re going to be miserable married to such a person. Your children will suffer. Your devotion to Christ will be hindered. Don t do it! C. GUARD YOUR MORAL PURITY. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:18, Flee immorality. Your body belongs to God, whose Spirit dwells in you. Therefore, you are to glorify God in your body (6:19-20). Paul says that even if a man gets involved with a harlot, he becomes one flesh with her (6:16). If you give into your flesh it becomes more than merely a physical union. Physical intimacy, even in a so-called one night stand, creates the illusion of personal intimacy. Without the protection of the heart it leads to a soul tie If you re going to guard your moral purity in our sex-saturated society, you ve got to plan for it. E. BE WISE, BUT NOT SUPER-SPIRITUAL. By this I mean, God expects you to pray and wait on Him, but He also expects you to use appropriate means for finding a mate. Sometimes we get super-spiritual, thinking that God is going to rain down manna from heaven, when He expects us to plow our field and sow some seeds! There s nothing wrong with putting yourself in situations where you may meet a godly mate.

7 That can include involvement with campus ministry groups, attending conferences for Christian singles, getting a job at a seminary or other Christian organization, etc. Also, even though godly character should take precedence, there s nothing unspiritual about being physically attracted to someone. Read the Song of Solomon and you will discover that the couple isn t extolling the finer points of each other s personalities! In its proper place, there s nothing wrong with physical attraction. Also, don t be so super-spiritual that you overlook liking the person. You re looking for a companion, and a lot of companionship involves enjoying the person s personality. You should have some common interests and be able to enjoy just being together without having to do things. You should be able to accept the person as he or she is, without major remodeling. Also, seek the counsel of those who know you well, especially your parents. Any strong opposition from parents should be weighed very carefully. 3. Marriage is not the final solution to your problems; God is! Marriage is a gracious, good gift from God. As Proverbs 31:10-12 exclaims, An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Amen! But at the same time, if God is not at the center of your life and your mate s life, marriage creates more problems than it solves. Without the Lord at the center, marriage just brings together two self-centered people seeking self-fulfillment from one another. It doesn t work. Put God at the center of your life.

8 Pray that He will bring you a mate with the same commitment. Then joyfully serve Him together. Whether you re single or married, your purpose should never be to seek self-fulfillment and personal happiness. Rather, your purpose should be to pursue a course that leads to the greatest devotion to Christ and His cause in these days that remain before His coming.