TripleS: Single, Sexy & Saved Single: 1 Cor. 7:25-35 Vision Church Pastor Jerome Gay Jr.

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1 TripleS: Single, Sexy & Saved Single: 1 Cor. 7:25-35 Vision Church Pastor Jerome Gay Jr. Love God. Love Others. Love our City Announcements: Congrats to Jesse and Katy Parker on graduating from SEBTS together. Theological Thursday resumes this week at 7pm, see you all there (it s going to be a great time. Pray for Hogan s and other family members at Vision Church. From E-Harmony, Match.com and Black People Meet, to Love and Hip Hop, Single Ladies, Single and Pregnant, Parental Control, to Facebook and Instagram and even to Christian Mingle it s obvious that humanity is obsessed with relationships and dating. This is not an evil thing to desire someone to love and share your love with and express your love to someone is a beautiful thing and a gift of grace, but it s clear that as crazy as it sounds we ve fallen more in love with the idea of love than what love truly is. So much so that we value, define and measure ourselves by others and not our Creator. Why? We ll discuss that, but today we begin a new series called TripleS: Single, Sexy & Saved. We re going to talk about what is means to be single, sex and sexuality and how salvation transforms our outlook relationships, dating and sex. Now married people I need you not to check out for this series and assume that nothing applies to you and singles I need you commit to this series and not miss anything and be sure to bring a friend we are allowing text in questions for this series and we have study guides because we really want this to be a blessing to you. For full disclosure, I will start with a HUGE myth that I believed. Here s the myth: If I was the ideal single than I would receive the ideal mate and we would have the ideal marriage. Here s why that s such a big lie, I thought my behavior would ensure the behavior of someone else. I essentially orchestrated my life around a myth and it set me up so once God finally showed me the woman I would marry because I basically put her in a no win situation now here s why. Everything in the church basically told me that I was incomplete, insignificant and abnormal because I wasn t married/dating. No one ever said that, but almost every analogy the preacher used was about marriage, people would try to hook me up with their nieces and everyone in the church assumed that I wasn t happy because I didn t have a girlfriend. Fast-forward to college and I had several women tell me that they were my wives. Here s my favorite one (cafeteria story), so I worked in the cafeteria for the college and I cleaned the dishes; don t laugh I rebuke you. So I m in the back cleaning the dishes and I see an empty tray with folded sheet of paper. I 1

2 open the paper and it essentially says this, God told me that you re my husband and I ve been praying for a time to share this with you. Meet me at the Fine Arts Building so we can discuss how to move forward. Home girl was bold and I guess I didn t have any say so, I was just supposed to believe what God told her. Now I know what you re thinking, did you go meet her? Yes, because I honestly wanted to know who would be this bold, so as I m walking towards the FAB I see a very tall young lady jumping off the section where plants were and I m thinking this can t be her and if it is I m scared. It was her (facial expression I made KH pic) and I let her know that I wasn t seeking a relationship right now and she told me God told her that I would say that and I didn t know what to say so I just walked away and she continued jumping off of the plants. I was still scared. I went through that with several other women who approached me, but I share that because we ve idolized marriage to a point that we think we re incomplete unless we ve attached our lives to another human being and that is a BIG lie. So I want to give singles three truths from scripture and marriage people you can connect with this because if you re married or even divorced God can use you in their lives. Now let me say this before I go any further because most of you in here are single because God hasn t planned for you to get married yet, some of you are single by choice and you left your spouse and some of you have been abandoned by your spouse and I want you to know this. You were and still are valuable and significant in Christ, just because you re not dating or married to anyone does not mean that God sees you any differently nor does it imply that you are used goods. We ll set a foundation for weeks 1 and 2 and week 3 I will give you some practical stuff on how to flesh this out, but singles and married people remember this: Don t allow your relationship status to define you or determine how you live your life. These are the three truths that we ll unpack today, Singles are complete in Christ, Singles are content with Christ and Singles are committed to Christ. The city of Corinth was at the heart of an important trade route in the ancient world. Like many cities that thrive on trade, Corinth had a reputation for sexual immorality, religious diversity, and corruption. The church that Paul planted there (Acts 18) floundered under all of these influences and began to divide over various issues. First Corinthians addresses many practical questions dividing the church questions concerning such things as spiritual gifts, marriage, food offered to idols, and the resurrection. Paul urged the Corinthians to be unified and to give themselves fully to the work of the Lord (15:58). Chapter 13 includes a well-known passage on the nature and importance of love. Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthians from Ephesus about A.D Paul is answering questions that the Corinthians had about marriage and singleness, while addressing them he makes some clear points as to how singleness and marriage are 1 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2001). (1 Co). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society. 2

3 both gifts, but one is better as it relates devotion to the Lord. Verses 1-5 Sex was idolized by many and Paul encouraged marriage over fornication, but he strongly pointed them to sexual purity. Once married sex should be enjoyed and engaged as much as possible except for times agreed upon. Verse 6 Singleness and marriage are equal gifts given by God to his children and singles are models of devotion to Christ. That s why Paul says I wish you all were as I am (single). Singles are complete in Christ. Myth #1 I will be complete once I get married. Myth #2 Marriage will address all of my sexual desires. Truth: Sex with your mate may not meet all of your expectations. 1 Cor. 7: Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord s mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. Paul says I speak as an apostle by the will of Christ and he makes it clear that this isn t a command, but it s a reality of those are married and opportunity for singles. Now I know you re thinking I thought you were going to talk about us, I am and so is Paul, check out what he says. In verse 6 Paul established the fact that he wished that all were like him, why? Paul knows that he s complete in Christ and he doesn t need a woman to validate his existence or calling ladies you don t need a man to validate your existence or calling. Paul wishes this because he knows and we need to know that we have all we need in terms of identity in Christ. Biblical Marriage Math = 1 Marriage Math = 1 Cultural Math As long as you re waiting for someone else to complete you you ll always view yourself as deficient and you ll make dating/marriage the chief end of your existence and not Christ. 3

4 Thought Tattoo If your relationship status is more significant than your eternal status you ll sabotage any relationship you ll encounter. Why? Life has pressure (present distress verse 26, ten years later after Paul wrote 1 Corinthians Nero would rule and persecute Christians) and pressure reveals commitment and no one is as committed to as Christ. Pressure is hard as a single it s even more difficult when you add someone else to your life (ex. Single financial issues vs. family financial issue more people at stake). When you place your value and identity in the hands of another frail human being you re setting yourself and them up for failure. People make terrible saviors and people make terrible objects of complete hope. Listen you are valued, loved, cared for, embraced, nurtured, accepted and acknowledge by Christ without being in a relationship or marriage. Why does Paul push this point so hard? Da Breakdown (Baggage analogy): Single person (You and your sin). Couple (your sin and your mates sin). Result more sin, more worries, more problems, less time devoted to Christ. When you make someone the source of your identity as some of the Corinthians did you ll begin to covet a life you don t have, consequently married people were wishing they were single and single people were wishing they were married, the very thing they wanted they didn t want anymore. Paul suggests that if you re married stay married, if you re single stay single. Again Paul is not against marriage or being single (he was single himself), but he s addressing the reality of the challenges marriage creates. Myth #3 Marriage is the most important union in your life. Truth: being united with Christ is the most important union in life. They can leave you, He won t! 1 Corinthians 7: This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. Basically what Paul is saying in this section is that earthly things, including people will pass away and remember that eternity is the most important thing. He s not telling people to break their marriage vows he s just addressing the temporal nature of things in creation and how we should value eternity with Christ above EVERYTHING. Singles are content with Christ. 4

5 Myth #4 Marriage will address my loneliness. Truth: It s been addressed with Christ and your loneliness could be a result of you deifying marriage. 1 Cor. 7: I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. The point Paul is making is that marriage may solve some problems, but it also presents new ones. I want to challenge you to maximize your singleness for His glory. Many of you are consumed with thoughts about this ghost (man or woman you dream of marrying) and you re ignoring the calling God has on your life and the truth is you ll destroy that person because you re placing too much of your identity on another frail human being. Let s be honest, how many of you are single and you keep saying you need to spend more time with God? What s stopping you? You re not going to have more time for God if you start dating someone or get married. If you re honest for some of you are spending time trying to be seen and ignoring the fact that you ve been seen and valued by Christ. Remember if you re in Christ loneliness is not a reality because you have God s Spirit inside of you, loneliness is a feeling, but not a reality. Marriage will not address that because there will be times you feel distant from your spouse through misunderstandings, children, proximity due to a work assignment, etc. Marriage is not a solution to loneliness it s a union to make you more like Christ and remind you of your union with Christ. Married Couples Have divided attention as they should, but singles don t and that s better in terms of time with God. Have divided interests as they should, but single can focus on Christ. Can devote their bodies to Christ, married couples bodies are no longer their own. (Ex. Guys asking me to meet somewhere spontaneously) Have divided commitment as they should, but singles have more time to disciple and leverage their gifts for God s glory. (Ex. Crystal s not so quiet time struggle being a mom and wife). Singles are committed to Christ 1 Cor. 7:35 5

6 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. Please don t minimize this, Paul is saying if you get married to stay single you re blessed because your God s child. That s his emphasis throughout this letter; Christ is our example and his devotion was totally to God s will and glory. We have all of this knowledge in the New Testament on singles, relationships and marriage because a single man named Paul devoted his gifting to Christ, but where did get this motivation? Christ the ultimate single in his humanity gave his all on the cross for us. Next Steps Ask yourself what myths do I believe about marriage? (Write them down and discuss with a married couple or single in Christ). Think about how you can maximize your singleness for His glory and DO IT. (You have time). 6

Redeeming Singleness from Misplaced Realities 1 Corinthians 6:9-7:40

Redeeming Singleness from Misplaced Realities 1 Corinthians 6:9-7:40 Introduction: In a recent article in desiringgod.org, Katelynn Luedke explained the plight of a single Christian woman who desires to