Staying Out of Trouble The Prohibition of Yichud

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1 1 Staying Out of Trouble The Prohibition of Yichud I was returning from Bnei Brak to Jerusalem with Maxim, a pleasant taxi driver with a kippah whom I knew from previous trips. I commented that he looked tired. He told me that he really was tired he had taken a fare to the airport at 2:00 a.m. that morning. He mentioned in passing that since the passenger was a woman, he had asked his wife to come along on this late night trip, to avoid problems of yichud on the deserted streets. Maxim had not studied in yeshivah, but he did know enough not to be alone with a woman, even while at work, and he and his wife made special efforts to stay safely away from trouble. Alone The prohibition against yichud, a man being alone with a woman, recognizes the inherent frailties of human nature on the one hand, and the power of temptation on the other. In the words of the Meiri, 1 yichud is no less than the key and the entree to forbidden intimate relations (Kiddushin 80b). The rationale behind the prohibition is very simple: if a man and a woman can never be alone with each other, they will not sin with forbidden intimate relations. The potential for problems at work is enormous. The first recorded case of yichud issues in the workplace involved a young man far from home and a powerful, insistent woman who made no pretenses: Yosef and Potiphar s wife. When Yosef refused to succumb to her very blunt proposals, she switched tracks and asked that he simply spend time together with her. Knowing where this would lead, he still said no. One day the two of them were home alone together, and it was here that Yosef s resolve wavered. He controlled himself in time and fled the house (Bereishis 39:7-12). All this took place while Yosef was at work, trying to do his job. The Torah forbids physical contact with a member of the opposite gender outside of marriage for both men and women. This prohibition is derived from the verse, Any man should not come close to any of his close relatives to uncover their nakedness, I am Hashem (Vayikra 18:6, Rashi). A number of commentators, as well as the Sefer HaChinuch (188), write that this prohibition includes any pleasurable contact such as hugging and kissing, even if it is not actual intimate relations. They explain that this verse prohibits even acts which come close to intimate relations, or in other words, any contact which could lead to intimate relations. Chazal also enacted a number of related preventive prohibitions, including not gazing at women or smelling their perfume, and essentially, any behavior, even just flirtatious speech, which will lead to thinking about women. Prominent in this set of prohibitions is yichud: it is forbidden to be secluded with any woman other than one s wife. The only exceptions are parents with their children; grandparents with their grandchildren; and brothers with sisters, for short periods of 1 Rav Menachem HaMeiri ( ), a Rishon, was one of the Torah Sages of Provence. He wrote a number of works on Torah topics, including Beis HaBechirah, a commentary on the Talmud.

2 2 time. 2 The prohibition stands regardless of age yichud is forbidden even with an elderly woman or a very young girl from the age of three, and anyone in between. For a woman, yichud is prohibited with a boy from the age of nine (Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer 22:11). The Chinuch warns us not to fall into the trap of convincing ourselves that we are immune to temptation, and need not be careful about Chazal s precautions. A man may feel that he is not interested in women in general, or in a specific woman in particular, so that there is no harm in just looking. In the words of the Chinuch, Many [men] have said so, and stumbled. Chazal warn us that the yetzer hara works slowly and gradually. At first it is so very weak that we underestimate its power, but with time, it swells in size and intensity until it is so strong that we can no longer control it. Unfortunately, even people who are otherwise observant are also susceptible, and cannot assume that since they are religious, nothing could possibly happen. A relationship does not develop in a day. Even if at first there is no particular attraction, spending time together will gradually foster it. This is one of the major principles behind the prohibition of yichud. Larry, a non-jew, hired a secretary whom he did not find attractive in the least. The months passed, and as they spent more time together, Larry, a married man with two children, became increasingly interested in his employee. Two years later he was deeply involved in an affair with the very same woman whom initially, he had not found appealing at all. His marriage ended in divorce. Larry s temptations developed over two years. The yetzer hara can work much more quickly, but it may also take its time. In 2013 the Iowa State Supreme Court ruled on a case which attracted national attention. After working together for a decade, a (non-jewish) dentist in his fifties, married with a family, found that he was becoming too interested in his thirty-two year old married assistant. When they began exchanging personal text messages, the dentist s wife stepped in. In consultation with their pastor, the assistant was fired in order to preserve the older couple s marriage. The former assistant sued, maintaining that her termination was unjustified gender discrimination, but the dentist won the case; he was justified in taking steps to avoid the breakup of his marriage. The attraction had not begun when she first started working in the office in her early twenties it took ten years to develop. Prevalence of the Problem Yichud is a potential problem in any industry, as we learn from Maxim s story. It can crop up anywhere, but some work situations are especially high risk: therapists, physicians, and others who work closely with clients one-on-one; small consulting teams, editors working for extended periods in editing bays, doctors and nurses on overnight hospital shifts, and other situations which put male and female employees together to work on a project; and small firms, where a man spends his working hours together with a woman assistant, secretary, or coworker. Trade shows and 2 A brother and sister are permitted to be in a yichud situation for a short amount of time, but may not live alone in the same dwelling on a regular basis. How long they are permitted to be alone together is subject to debate among the poskim.

3 3 conventions involving hotel stays are notorious for their atmosphere of casual promiscuity, requiring special vigilance when there is no choice but to attend. Especially in a secular or non-jewish workplace, being careful about yichud may be inconvenient or even embarrassing. Is simply being in the company of a member of the opposite gender really such an issue? Based on statistics, it is more of an issue than we may realize, with the prevalence of marital infidelity on the rise. According to one set of statistics, ninety percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong. And yet, twenty-two percent of married men and fourteen percent of married women admit to having been unfaithful to their spouse. According to another study, the figures are even higher: fifty to sixty percent of married men and forty-five to fifty-five percent of married women. Neither of these figures can be entirely accurate because they are self-reported, rather than the product of objective research; not everyone will be willing to admit their indiscretions when responding to a survey. Whether the lower figure or the higher one is accurate, the findings are disastrous. Two major factors contribute to the growing number of married men and women involved with others. The first is the increased presence of women in the workplace. Many more women, including married women, are in the workforce than in the past, throwing men and women together on a daily basis. According to one study, two out of three women and three out of four men admit to having improper thoughts about their coworkers. An astonishing sixty-five percent of women and seventy-five percent of men admit to having intimate relations with people they work with! Second, the internet, texting and have made it all too easy to develop contacts with members of the opposite gender. The relationships may advance from correspondence and Skype conversations to personal meetings. Approximately seventy percent of time on-line is spent in chat rooms or sending ; of these interactions, the vast majority are romantic in nature (Dr. Michael Adamse, PhD., co-author of Affairs of the Net: The Cybershrink s Guide to Online Relationships). Even if not in person, the repercussions of emotional attachments with friends on the internet, in particular on social networks, may be even worse. We live in a society that has become grossly immoral. Top Three The Rambam writes that for most people, nothing in the Torah is as difficult to contend with as the prohibition against forbidden intimate relations (Hilchos Issurei Biah 22:18). He goes on to quote a Gemara which appears to contradict this statement: Chazal say that the majority of people sin with theft, 3 the minority with forbidden intimate relations, and everyone with avak lashon hara 4 (Baba Basra 165a). In other words, the Rambam writes that for the majority of people, forbidden intimate relations is the most difficult prohibition in the Torah. However, the Gemara in Baba Basra, cited by the Rambam, says that the minority and not the majority sin with forbidden intimate relations. 3 Theft is considered the most widespread, because it is a very broad term. It need not mean shoplifting or armed robbery; it can be any sort of financial irregularity or deception, even reusing postage stamps that were not canceled by the post office. 4 Talk which is not actual lashon hara (forbidden gossip) but which leads to lashon hara (see Shaarei Teshuvah, Shaar Shelishi, 226).

4 4 The Rambam s assessment and that of Chazal are not really contradictory. The Chidda in Birkei Yosef 5 explains that while the majority of people may have the desire for forbidden relations, they restrain themselves because they love and fear Hashem, and that is enough to keep them from sinning. Only the minority will actually go beyond an unfulfilled craving and commit an immoral act. As the Chidda writes, it is fear of Hashem and love for Him that enables people to overcome temptation and refrain from sin (Birkei Yosef, Even HaEzer 25, 2:1). I often ask my students what they consider to be our most powerful innate temptations and desires. Amazingly, their answers generally all come down to the same three mentioned by Chazal: women (forbidden intimate relations), money (theft), and power (lashon hara, which puts another person down to advance one s own position). Origin of the Prohibition D Oriesa Chazal teach that there is an allusion ( remez ) to yichud in the Torah, in the passuk, And if your brother, the son of your mother will incite you, saying, let us go worship other gods, whom you and your fathers did not know (Devarim 13:7). In this passuk the Torah lists people with whom we have a close relationship, who are in a position to have a strong enough influence to tempt us into idolatry. Chazal point out that the passuk specifies a half-brother who has the same mother, but not a brother from the same father. The relationship with a half-brother from one s mother is likely to be closer, because a son can spend time freely at his mother s home without the concern for yichud. At his father s home the situation will be different he will have to be careful of yichud with his father s wife. As a result, he will not be there as often, and not become as close to a half-brother who is his father s son (Avodah Zarah 36b). The majority of poskim, among them the Tur (Even HaEzer 22), rule that the prohibition against yichud with a married woman, or any other woman who is for him an ervah, 6 is Torah ordained, based on this passuk. 7 D rabbanan According to the Rambam (Hilchos Issurei Biah 22:3) and the Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 22:2), any type of yichud, even with a married woman, is a rabbinic decree, punishable by lashes for both the man and the woman. In their opinion, even yichud with a married woman is not d Oriesa, as we learn from the Gemara which says that there is [only] a remez (hint or allusion) to yichud in the Torah (Beis Yosef, Even HaEzer 22). 5 A commentary on the Shulchan Aruch by Rav Chaim Yosef David Azulai ( ), known as the Chidda. The Chidda was a great rav, posek, mekubal, and a highly prolific author. He was born in Jerusalem and passed away in Leghorn, Italy, where he served as rav. 6 An ervah (plural: arayos) is a woman with whom one is forbidden to have relations even in the context of marriage, usually because she is closely related. 7 See Otzar HaPoskim (Chapter 22:1-2) for a detailed discussion of the various opinions concerning if and when yichud is prohibited d Oriesa or d rabbanan, including a number of opinions that the prohibition is d Oriesa with a women who is a niddah, even if she is unmarried (ibid 22:2, note 8).

5 5 In his commentary on the Shulchan Aruch, the Vilna Gaon writes that the passuk in Devarim cited above is an asmachta. It is not the actual source of the prohibition, but rather, support derived by Chazal from a passuk. Yichud with a single Jewish woman and with a non-jewish woman (married or not) are ancient rabbinic decrees. King David extended the prohibition of yichud to seclusion with a single Jewish woman. The students of Beis Hillel and Beis Shammai decreed in addition against yichud with a non-jewish woman, whether married or single (Avodah Zara 36b). Bitter personal experience led King David to expand yichud to include seclusion with single women as well as married women. His son Amnon feigned illness and asked that his unmarried half-sister Tamar come to his house to prepare food for him. Once they were alone, he raped her and then threw her out of the house (II Shmuel 13, Sanhedrin 21). Brief Summary of the Laws of Yichud The laws of yichud are extremely detailed, the subject of numerous halachic works. A competent rabbinic authority should be consulted with any questions concerning individual cases. What follows is a brief summary of some of the major halachos, based on Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer. It is forbidden for a man to be secluded with any girl or woman from the age of three, young or old, with the exception of a mother and son; father and daughter; grandmother and grandson; grandfather and granddaughter; and husband and wife. The prohibition works both ways it is equally forbidden for a woman to be secluded with a man or boy from the age of nine, other than her husband (Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer 22:1). The Shulchan Aruch goes on to discuss a number of heterim, specific circumstances where it is not a violation of the prohibition of yichud for a man and a woman to be alone together. The first three are based on the concept of a shomer, literally translated as a guard, or in other words, a chaperone. The fourth depends on a physical setup which does not allow for real privacy. Heter No. 1 It is permitted for a man to be together with a woman if either his wife or her husband is also present, because the spouse serves as a chaperone (shomer). However, a Jewish woman may not be alone with a non-jewish man, relying on the presence of his wife (ibid. 22:3); we cannot assume that two non-jews will act as each other s shomer. Yichud does not apply exclusively to one-on-one situations. The Shulchan Aruch rules strictly regarding yichud even with more than one member of the opposite gender a woman may not be alone with several men, and a man may not be alone with many women, unless a spouse is also present, or unless one of the other heterim applies. Heter No. 2 The Rema s ruling is more lenient. He writes that one woman may be alone with two men if they are kosher (observant Jews). Any religious man is considered a kosher Jew for this purpose. If the men are prutzim (promiscuous individuals) who do not

6 6 keep the laws of yichud and negiah, 8 they are not considered to be reliable chaperones for one another, and it is forbidden for a woman to be alone with even ten such men. This heter only applies in the city, where there are generally other people around, and only in the daytime. But out in a field or other desolate location, or at night, even in the city, three men who are kosher are required. Two men, even if they are both observant Jews, would not be enough, because one may fall asleep or walk away, leaving the other man alone with the woman. It is worth noting that the kosher individual has to be Jewish! During my years as a student at the University of Pennsylvania, I would occasionally study in the library of the campus Hillel, on the second floor of the building. For security reasons, we would keep the building locked. I was in the library one day, and there were three other students on the premises: Leah, who was working in the kitchen, my friend Menachem, who was downstairs in the lounge, and Jonathan, who was learning in the beis medrash. Jonathan was a very committed young man who came to minyan three times a day and spent much of his time learning. Menachem came in and asked if I was planning to stay in the library, or if I would be leaving soon. When I told him that I was going to stay and study, he said he would wait with me. I wondered why Since there were two of us Jonathan and me yichud with Leah was not an issue. Menachem later told me that I really did need him there. Although he was seriously considering conversion, Jonathan was not Jewish and therefore could not act as a shomer. The Rema goes on to say that some halachic authorities permit one man to be in yichud with many women (at least three, or at night, four; see Chelkas Mechokek 9 ibid. 8), if his profession is not related to women. A man in this position, for example the owner of a women s clothing shop or the male principal of a girls school with a female staff, is considered to be at a higher risk, because he is constantly around women, which requires a greater degree of caution. Heter No. 3 It is permitted for a man and a woman to be in yichud with one another if the woman s husband is in the city. This heter does not work in the opposite direction; a man whose wife is in the same city but is not actually present cannot be in yichud with another woman on this basis. However, if the man is very familiar with this specific woman for example, if they are related or grew up together, or are coworkers or if her husband informed her that he does not want her to be in this particular man s company, it is forbidden for them to be alone together on the basis of this heter (ibid. 22:8). A plumber s work is largely done at his customers homes. More often than not, only the lady of the house will be home while he is there. A professional plumber who came to learn in the yeshivah for a few weeks asked a very practical question. Can he rely on the heter of her husband is in the city in all cases? Or is this heter only relevant if the husband could actually be expected to stop by the house unannounced? 8 Literally touching ; physical contact with members of the opposite gender. See Otzar HaPoskim (Chapter 22, note 24) for a detailed analysis of who is classified a parutz. 9 Commentary on Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer by Rav Moshe Lima ( ), a major Polish Achron and the rav of Slonim, Vilna, and Brisk.

7 7 The Achronim discuss the concept of the woman s husband is in the city, and if it should be a factor in permitting yichud even if the husband is not likely to walk in. Is it permitted because psychologically, a woman who knows that her husband is in town will have a certain level of fear or at least discomfort, which serves as a restraint even if she does not really anticipate that he will suddenly show up? Or is it a strictly technical issue, because if he in the same city, he could reasonably walk in at any moment? In the latter case, the heter would only be relevant if he could realistically come by unannounced. This question clearly has major halachic ramifications for the application of this heter and is the subject of debate among the poskim. Heter No. 4 This is perhaps the most relevant heter. It hinges on the setting in which the man and woman are alone: Rav Yosef said, [where there is] a door open to the public domain (pesach pasuach l reshus harabbim), we are not concerned about yichud (Kiddushin 81a; Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer 22:9). This particular heter is the subject of extensive discussion among the poskim. What qualifies as an open door, and what is a public domain? I had a meeting scheduled with Mordechai, an Orthodox attorney whose office was located in a building in the center of Jerusalem. Once I made it to the building, it took almost as long to find his office. I walked up two flights of a dark, little used staircase, searching the deserted hallways for his out-of-the-way office. I found it, eventually there were no passersby to ask in that part of the building. Mordechai employed a woman assistant. While the door may have been unlocked, considering the isolated location, I could not help but wonder if this was considered a door open to the public domain. Defining the Heter of Pesach Pasuach Beis Shmuel 10 (ibid. 13) writes that there is a debate among the Achronim about whether or not the heter of an open door applies in all situations, or only when the man and woman do not have a certain level of familiarity with one another. For example, a repairman on a house call will not usually feel especially familiar with a woman customer. In contrast, there is a higher level of concern if the man and woman are relatives, coworkers, or a boss and his secretary who have worked together for some time and are already familiar with one another. Beis Shmuel cites the Chelkas Mechokek, who writes that if a man is very familiar with a specific woman, they may not rely on the heter of an open door. Other Achronim rule that even in a case where the two parties are familiar with one another, it is still permitted to rely on the open door heter. It is probably more common for people to rely on this heter even under these circumstances, although it would seem reasonable to define a door open to the public domain more strictly when the man and woman have a greater degree of familiarity. For example, a friend of mine is the owner of a very small business. He employs an Orthodox woman as his assistant, and they are alone together in the office on a regular basis. He asked a posek about the issue of yichud, and was told that he can rely on a 10 Commentary on Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer written in the late 17 th century by Rav Shmuel ben Uri Shraga Feivush, rav of Shydlow, Poland and Furth, Germany.

8 8 door open to the public domain. In a case like this, it would make sense to adhere to a stricter definition of an open door. What exactly qualifies as a door open to the public domain? There are several opinions among the poskim concerning the requirements for this heter. Opinion No. 1: The door must be unlocked The rationale behind the heter of a door open to the public domain is that someone could theoretically walk in at any time. This fear will serve to restrain the man and woman inside from improper conduct. The Rashba 11 is lenient in his definition of an open door (Responsa of the Rashba, vol. I, 1251). He writes that as long as the door to the room or house is not actually locked, even if the door is closed, it is not considered yichud, because there will still be an element of fear that someone might walk in without knocking. Some other halachic opinions permit yichud where the door is closed, but unlocked, in keeping with the Rashba. However, according to certain Achronim, the Rashba s heter only applies in a place where people commonly walk in unannounced, such as a store or office with a regular flow of traffic throughout the day, even if the outside door is not ajar. But if those inside have no reason to fear that someone may walk in, even a closed, although unlocked, door is yichud. My Orthodox college roommate staggered into our apartment looking white as a sheet. He had just stepped into one of the other student apartments on our floor unannounced, which was not uncommon in the relaxed environment of the building. To his shock, he had entirely unintentionally marched in on an undergraduate and his girlfriend. The two were not inhibited by the fact that the door of the apartment was unlocked and open to the public domain, where anyone might walk in at any moment. Perhaps compounding his shock was the fact that sad to say, the student was Jewish and kept Shabbos. Greater care concerning the laws of yichud and negiah could have saved him from serious transgression. It appears that in promiscuous times, the Rashba s safeguard of an unlocked door is not sufficient. Opinion No. 2: The door must be open Some Achronim disagree with this pesak, and rule that as long as the door is closed, even if it is unlocked, it does not qualify as an open door which would permit yichud it must be literally open to a public domain. Rabbi Akiva Eiger 12 cites the Rashba, but disagrees with his lenient ruling. He rules in keeping with the Beis Meir, who writes that the wording of the Gemara in 11 Rav Shlomo ben Avraham Aderet ( ), a great Spanish Rishon, renowned posek and rosh yeshivah, the author of numerous halachic works, including thousands of responsa. The Rashba was a student of the Ramban and Rabbeinu Yonah, and the teacher of many of the Torah authorities of the next generation, among them the Ritva and Rabbeinu Bechayye ben Asher. 12 Rabbi Akiva Eiger ( ), born in Eisenstadt, Hungary, was a renowned rav and posek, and the father-in-law of the Chasam Sofer. He wrote commentaries on the Talmud and Shulchan Aruch, and responsa.

9 9 Kiddushin includes two requirements. One, the door must actually be open, and two, it must be open to a public domain. Both are required in order to permit yichud (Responsa of Rabbi Akiva Eiger, Mahadurah Kamah 100). Opinion No. 3: Someone can enter at any time Responsa Binyan Tzion 13 cites both the Rashba, who is lenient, and Beis Meir, who rules strictly. While he disagrees with the Rashba, he also considers the Beis Meir s ruling to be too difficult to comply with on a practical level. For example, in a household which employs cleaning help, if the female maid were to close the front door on a freezing winter day when only the man of the house was at home, there would instantly be a problem of yichud. Binyan Tzion concludes that the deciding factor is whether or not the man and woman in a potential state of yichud have reason to fear that someone may walk in on them at any time. If the door is open to a public place accessible to passersby, this fear will always exist. When the door opens not on a public thoroughfare but on a courtyard, the situation is somewhat different it depends on what actually goes on in that particular courtyard. There may be reason to expect someone to walk in at any moment, or there may not. The heter of a door open to the public domain requires that someone is likely to walk in uninvited at any time. He also points out that there can be a state of yichud even with a completely open door, for example in a top floor apartment where no one ever ventures, or in a deserted building (Responsa Binyan Tzion 138). According to some poskim, yichud with a locked door would be permitted if someone can still walk in on his own. This may be because he has been given a key and specifically asked to occasionally drop in without notice in order to prevent yichud, or because several people have keys or keypad access and could enter at any time. This eventuality would be considered a sufficient deterrent (see Minchas Ish 13:5). In Los Angeles I worked out of a home office. We employed a cleaning woman, and if my wife had to leave the house while she was there, I was faced with a yichud problem. My solution was to leave a key out in a prearranged hiding place. I would a yichud alert to my friends in the neighborhood as needed, asking them to stop by while my wife would be out and let themselves in with the key. The system worked beautifully with the very first I ever sent, one friend was over in a flash, piling into the house with four children! Elevators We have discussed the three main halachic opinions concerning an open door and yichud. The Rashba s lenient opinion: it is only considered yichud if the door is locked, not just closed. The Beis Meir s stricter opinion: a closed door, even if it is unlocked, is yichud. 13 The responsa of Rav Yaakov Etlinger ( ), a rav and rosh yeshivah often known by the title of his commentary on the Talmud as the Aruch LaNer. Among his students were Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch and Rav Azriel Hildesheimer.

10 10 The Binyan Tzion s opinion: yichud is defined by whether or not the parties have reason to fear that someone could walk in at any time. This difference of opinion is especially relevant when it comes to the question of taking an elevator alone with a member of the opposite gender. Is an elevator ride yichud? It would seem that according to the Rashba, an elevator is not a problem. The door is unlocked, and the elevator can stop at any time, with new passengers walking in. According to the Beis Meir, an elevator could in fact be yichud. The elevator door is closed, even if it is not locked. According to the Binyan Tzion, the surrounding circumstances would define whether or not a particular elevator ride constitutes yichud. Possible factors would be the time of day, how much foot traffic there is in the building, and the length of the elevator ride. The express elevators in the new One World Trade Center are the fastest in the Western Hemisphere to date, traveling at a speed of 2,000 feet a minute. A trip to the top of the tower should take no more than three-quarters of a minute, a real plus for those concerned with issues of yichud. This is yet another way of using technology in the service of Torah, by minimizing problems of yichud! How Long Does it Take? How long does it take to violate the prohibition against yichud? Is it forbidden for even the shortest amount of time? Or is there a minimum time requirement for yichud, and anything less does not violate the prohibition? Both the Rambam and the Shulchan Aruch write that yichud is forbidden because it leads to forbidden intimate relations (Hilchos Issurei Biah 22:1; Even HaEzer 22:1). Is the concern here that the couple will engage in intimate relations right then and there, or that the familiarity fostered by the time spent in yichud will eventually lead to forbidden relations? This is a relevant point in determining whether or not there is a minimum amount of time required in order to violate the prohibition of yichud is ten seconds alone with a coworker or household help yichud, or does it take longer? If the concern is that the pair will engage in intimate relations while they are secluded, yichud would only be forbidden when there is enough time for this to happen. If the concern is that time spent alone together could lead to affection and incidents in the future, even the shortest amount of time would be forbidden. The Gemara and Rishonim, including the Rambam, Tur and Shulchan Aruch, do not mention any minimum time to qualify as yichud. Nonetheless, some Achronim equate the time which defines a situation as yichud with the time limit related to the case of a sotah. A sotah is a woman whose husband suspects that she is being unfaithful to him with a particular man, and warns her not to be alone with him. If, after being warned, there are witnesses who saw that she was secluded with this same man for a time period long enough to be unfaithful to her husband, she is prohibited to her husband (Mishnah, Sotah 2:1).

11 11 How long must the woman be secluded with the man in order for her to be considered a sotah? The Gemara brings a number of opinions, including two conflicting views in the name of Rabbi Akiva. In one place he says it is as long as it takes to eat an egg, and elsewhere, that it is as long as it takes to roast an egg. Chazal s resolution of this contradiction is that both opinions are correct according to Rabbi Akiva, the time span is as long as it takes to roast the egg and then eat it (Sotah 4b). This is Rav Yosef Karo s pesak in the Beis Yosef and Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 178:4). According to some lenient opinions, among them the Igros Moshe (Even HaEzer, vol. IV, 65:22) and the Tzitz Eliezer (vol. VI, 40, Kuntres Issurei Yichud, Chapter 22), if a couple is secluded for less than the time it takes to roast an egg and eat it as in the case of a potential sotah the situation does not qualify as yichud. Other poskim, including Maharil Diskin (Kuntres Acharon 206) and B Tzel HaChochmah (vol. II, 70), rule more strictly: any amount of time alone is yichud. Practically speaking, how long does it take to fry an egg and eat it? At age ten, my oldest daughter enjoyed preparing omelets and scrambled eggs for the family. One day, as I was learning this topic at the dining room table, she began preparing eggs for lunch. I asked her how long it would take to fry an egg and eat it. She said, around five minutes. This answer did not take certain variables into consideration does it assume that the frying pan is already hot, or does it include the time it takes for it to heat up? Is the egg well cooked or only lightly fried? Is it eaten with a fork and knife, or as a quick snack? The poskim mention different amounts of time, ranging from thirty-five seconds (Devar Halachah, Hosafos Chadashos,15); a minute and a half (Rav Salman Mutzafi); three minutes (Rav Nosson Gestetner, 14 cited in Minchas Yitzchak); and five minutes (Minchas Yitzchak). Kovetz Ohr Torah (Year 21, 175) cites the opinions of all these poskim, and arrives at an average figure of three minutes as the time which would qualify a situation as yichud. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach points out that it does not matter if we personally plan to remain in a situation which is yichud for less than the defined time. If the setting is such that we could remain there long enough to qualify, the prohibition begins as soon as we walk in even if we intend to leave right away (Responsa Minchas Shlomo 1:91). The potential issues, problems and circumstances surrounding the prohibition against yichud are individual, and almost endless. Any questions should be directed to a qualified rav familiar with these halachos and their practical application. Adhering to the laws of yichud in the workplace can at times be as easy as turning a doorknob, but it may also demand considerable dedication and commitment. As we learn from the story of Yosef, the first of our forebears to contend with yichud on the job, the rewards are great. The Chafetz Chaim writes that Yosef merited his phenomenal rise to power specifically because he overcame temptation with Potiphar s wife. 14 Rav Nosson Gestetner ( ) was a Hungarian-born rav, dayan, posek and rosh yeshivah in Bnei Brak, and the author of numerous sefarim.

12 12 Many centuries after Yosef, a young man named Mordechai Yaffe was summoned to the home of a non-jewish noblewoman on the pretense of business affairs. This woman had been attracted by his exceptional good looks, and her intentions, openly expressed, were very far from business. He found himself locked in the house with her, with only one avenue of escape the filthy sewage ditch under the outhouse. He crawled through it without a second thought. The ten articles of clothing he was wearing at the time were completely ruined, but he personally emerged intact. Rav Mordechai Yaffe ( ) went on to become one of the great rabbanim and poskim of his time, and the author of ten important works of Torah. The title of each work included the word Levush (garment) as a reminder of this incident. In the words of the Chafetz Chaim, It was in this merit that he was granted from Heaven to compose his magnificent works the Levushim (cited in Machaneh Yisrael, Chapter 19).