Most everything I needed to know about living the Christian life, I learned by the time I was 7 or 8 in Sunday School and from my parents.

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1 1 A BLESSING AND A CURSE:LESSONS ON FORGIVENESS Ephesians 4:32, 32 be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, t forgiving one another, even as God for Christ s sake hath forgiven you. The Holy Bible: King James Version. (2009). (Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version., Eph 4:32). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc. Most everything I needed to know about living the Christian life, I learned by the time I was 7 or 8 in Sunday School and from my parents. Often when I dig deep into some theological rabbit trail, often it leads me back to some foundational principal I learned as a youngster in Sunday School. The topic of forgiveness is a great example of this. I would dare say that almost everyone in the room recognized this verse in Ephesians 4:32, and almost as many have it memorized. Misunderstanding or misappropriating forgiveness is the root of much of what we call psychopathology. Things like anxiety disorder, depression, panic disorder, and the list goes on. In the last 20 or so years, secular psychiatry has begun to recognize the importance of forgiveness in emotional health. I would go a step further and say misappropriating forgiveness also can manifest as physical ailments; I m not talking just about hypochondriasis, or imagined ailments. I m talking about real disease. I commonly see folks in my medical practice whose physical ailments improve when they get out of a stressful life situation. As believers, we need to first understand that we are forgiven by God. Some would call this the vertical aspect of forgiveness. In addition we also must understand our responsibility to forgive. This we will call horizontal forgiveness, as we forgive one another. Some commentators/theologians have used these terms to mean something different; but for the purpose of our discussion, these terms mean forgiveness from God and forgiveness among people. I would suggest that you cannot fully grasp either one of these without understanding the other. This is where I would argue that secular psychiatry has only one piece of the puzzle. They only recognize horizontal forgiveness. In other words, you can t fully extend forgiveness to others if you don t understand the nature and extent of God s forgiveness granted to you. AND, when you grasp the extent and nature of God s forgiveness, the natural manifestation of that is to forgive.

2 2 Let s look first at God s forgiveness extended to us vertical forgiveness. If believers could more fully grasp what happened at the cross, it would revolutionize our relationships, our families, and our churches. To be clear, I am talking about believers. If you are not a believer, then you stand before God unforgiven and damned. So, to fully understand what happened at the cross, we must understand the problem Jesus came to solve-sin. Mankind has had this problem ever since Adam ate the from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in Genesis 3. Theologians call this event The Fall. Paul summarizes what happened when Adam sinned in Romans 5:18-19, 18 Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. 19 For as by the one man s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man s obedience the many will be made righteous. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ro 5:18 19). Wheaton: Standard Bible Let this sink it. Apart from Christ, even when we are not actively sinning, we are sinful. If we are in a coma, completely unconscious, we are sinful. We often, and accurately, say that Christ died for our sins. But, it s so much more than that. When you dig a little into scripture we see that Christ didn t just die for the sinful acts that we have and will commit. He died for the wicked wretched person that I am, that you are. Romans 3:10-12, None is righteous, no, not one; 11 no one understands; no one seeks for God. 12 All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ro 3:10 12). Wheaton: Standard Bible One cannot overstate the corruptness of fallen man. We are so spiritually destitute, that we cannot even seek God without his wooing us. Isaiah 64:6, 6 For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Is 64:6). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation. Even our so called righteous deeds are filthy garments, or as KJV says, filthy rags. So, what did God do about our helpless miserable estate?

3 3 To me, these are the sweetest words in all of scripture: 21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (2 Co 5:21). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation. Do you see it?!?! Jesus didn t just die for your sins and my sins; He became our sin. HE BECAME OUR SIN!!! We often, and accurately, say that Jesus came to pay a debt that we couldn t pay, but it s not comparable to him making a mortgage payment for us, or even paying off our mortgage. He became our sin. He took my filth and wretchedness, and bore the punishment for it. He not only became my sin, he freely gave me his righteousness. He gave you the righteousness of God. We should marvel at that. We should wonder at that. We should be driven to our knees by that. We should be driven to a desire for holiness by that. The idea of Jesus becoming our sin, and exchanging it for his righteousness is what some theologians call double imputation. Christ took on our sin, willingly. Our sin was imputed to Him, or put to his account. And He paid the price for our rebellion. And at the same time His righteousness is imputed to us; his righteousness is credited to our account. That s the GOSPEL!!! I heard a preacher say once that Jesus loves you for who you are. I think I understand the sentiment behind that statement. Maybe I m splitting hairs, but I don t think Jesus loves me for who I am, and who you are. Jesus loves you in spite of who you are!!! Jesus loves us as we are, but not for who you are. Romans 5 tells us that Christ died for us while we were his enemies. Jesus does not love us because we are his enemies; he loves us in spite of the fact we are his enemies. We cannot overlook the abject spiritual poverty of unregenerate man. That is, the utter sinfulness of man apart from the power of Christ s death and resurrection. When we see the utter wickedness of mankind in Adam (apart from Christ), and lay that next to the righteousness we receive from Christ, we see the splendor of the Gospel. When we have the false idea that man is basically good (as about half of evangelicals do), the Gospel loses its luster. When we lose sight of the wickedness of man s estate without Christ we cheapen the Gospel, and despise His grace.

4 4 In the words of Horatio Spafford in his hymn It is Well : We almost always sing the first and last verses of hymns, the ones in the middle often get censored v.3 My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul And Colossians 2:13-14, 13 And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, 14 by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Col 2:13 14). Wheaton: Standard Bible So, when we get a glimpse of what really happened at the cross, and what really happened when we were saved, how dare we not forgive others who have wronged us. Our sins were forgiven at the cross. Our sins were forgiven past, present and future at the cross. Noting can change that. (Romans 8:38-39). 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ro 8:38 39). Wheaton: Standard Bible And, as a side note, and another sermon altogether, just because you don t FEEL forgiven by God, does not change the fact that you truly ARE forgiven, if you are a believer. In fact, if you don t believe that God can and has forgiven you, then you are calling God a liar. One of the by-products of not believing God can and has forgiven us, is that it gives us an excuse not to forgive others. Now to my text: The parable of the unforgiving servant. Most of us are familiar with this story. It s unsettling. I think Jesus meant it to be unsettling.

5 5 Matthew 18:21-35, 21 Then Peter came and said to Him, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Peter did not just pull this number out of the hat. Rabbinic tradition taught that it was required to forgive three times. After that there was no requirement to forgive further. Peter doubled it and added one; Peter, no doubt thought he was being pious. 22 Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Jesus was not saying 490 times, he was saying we should always have a forgiving spirit, always ready to forgive. 23 For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 But since he a did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. 26 So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, Have patience with me and I will repay you everything. 27 And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, Pay back what you owe. 29 So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, Have patience with me and I will repay you. 30 But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. 31 So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. 32 Then summoning him, his lord said to him, You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you? 34 And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. 35 My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart. New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Mt 18:21 35). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation. Let s unpack this a little. Clearly, the king in this parable is God. The first slave had a huge debt. If you have a study Bible, it may have some calculation of how much money 10,000 talents is in dollars. Different commentators have come up with different amounts. The ESV Study Bible notes say $6 billion. My favorite I found is a zillion more than the slave could ever repay in a lifetime, more than a slave could even imagine. Did the slave ask for forgiveness of the debt? Look at verse 26. NO! He wanted to try to repay the debt. The idea that a slave was going to repay a 6-billion-dollar debt is silly. How often do we do that? Try to repay God?

6 6 The slave s idea of repaying the king was nonsensical; our efforts to earn our salvation by our good works (which we just read that Isaiah calls filthy rags), we are being just as preposterous. So, the slave gets his debt of a zillion dollars forgiven, then he finds another slave who owes him not a trivial amount (a hundred denarii, about 100 days wages), but tiny compared to the zillion that was owed to the king. Those who wrong us often are guilty of terrible sins against us, but it is tiny compared to the debt that Jesus paid for us. What does the first servant do? He demands payment in full and has the second slave thrown in debtor s prison. The king finds out and tosses the first slave in prison. Look at verse 34. He doesn t just toss him in jail, the king turns the guy over to the torturers (NASV) or tormentors (KJV). We must be careful that we don t over allegorize Jesus parables. But, I m going out on a bit of a hermeneutical limb here. Is it possible that the tormentors could very well be anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, eating disorders and the like? Is it possible that an unforgiving spirit results in just such misery for our souls? I think so Again, misunderstanding and or misappropriating forgiveness, either our forgiveness from God or our extending forgiveness to others results in anguish in our innermost parts. Another aspect of forgiveness is restoration. This can be confusing as we examine this passage and others like the Lord s Prayer. Forgive us as we forgive our debtors. Or, earlier in Matthew 18, the chapter we just read from, where Jesus tells the disciples to excommunicate unrepentant believers. Jesus says a similar thing in Luke 17, where repentance would seem to be necessary for forgiveness. If you take these passages out of the context of the rest of scripture, you could easily build a theology that says we only forgive those who repent and ask for it. The entire transaction of what ideally should happen as a result of forgiveness is restoration of the relationship, but that is not always possible. The person you need to forgive may very well be and remain unrepentant. The person who wronged you may see the slight as very trivial. The person you need to forgive may be dead. We must understand that forgiveness is a gift, not just for the person who has wronged you but many times, more so for the one doing the forgiving.

7 7 Lest we build a false doctrine of only forgiving the person who is repentant, let s look at a few passages that tell us how to behave towards those who have wronged us. Romans 12:17-21, 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. It may not be possible to live peaceably with someone, but it s up to you to do what you can to restore relationship. Sometimes we need to stop focusing on what someone else should do, and do what we are supposed to do. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. 20 To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ro 12:16 21). Wheaton: Standard Bible Luke 6:27-29, 27 But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Lk 6:27 29). Wheaton: Standard Bible Lest we think this is only a New Testament idea Exodus 23:4-5, 4 If you meet your enemy s ox or his donkey going astray, you shall bring it back to him. 5 If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying down under its burden, you shall refrain from leaving him with it; you shall rescue it with him. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ex 23:4 5). Wheaton: Standard Bible Proverbs 24:17, 17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Pr 24:17). Wheaton: Standard Bible The ways we are to behave towards others who have wronged us is a sermon unto itself but in these passages, we see that: We are not to seek revenge on our enemies. We are to help our enemies in their time of need. We are to love those who hate us.

8 8 We are to pray for our enemies. Here is a hard one for me, Proverbs 24:17, 17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, I would like to put a bow on this with a passage from Deuteronomy. The setting is a sermon Moses is giving the Hebrews in the wilderness recounting God s requirements for living in the land of Canaan when they finally get there. The context is that of their keeping the new Levitical law that God has given them but the principle, I think, is the same. Listen to Moses words. Deuteronomy 11:26-28, 26 See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: 27 the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today, 28 and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way that I am commanding you today The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Dt 11:26 28). Wheaton: Standard Bible The way we handle forgiveness will either be a blessing or a curse. If we accept God s forgiveness, and properly appropriate it to our lives, we will be blessed with salvation and find rest for our souls. If we don t accept His forgiveness, we are cursed, damned. If we extend forgiveness to others, we will be blessed. If we don t extend forgiveness to others from our hearts, we will be cursed; we will be turned over to the tormentors (Matthew 18:34).

9 9 It s not just what Adam did in this perfect world it s he did TO this perfect world.

10 10 Because of what happened in Genesis 3, the whole human race was cursed, along with all of creation. The result was that we are totally depraved (expound, don t use this word). Texts: 1 Corinthians 10:12, 12 Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (1 Co 10:12). Wheaton: Standard Bible Mt 18: If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Mt 18:15 17). Wheaton: Standard Bible Matthew 18:21-34, 21 Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times? 22 Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything. 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, Pay what you owe. 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, Have patience with me, and I will pay you. 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master

11 11 summoned him and said to him, You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you? 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Mt 18:21 35). Wheaton: Standard Bible Lk 6: But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Lk 6:27 28). Wheaton: Standard Bible Romans 12:14-21, 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. 20 To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ro 12:14 21). Wheaton: Standard Bible Proverbs 10:12, Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. ESV Quote from Piper on conditional forgiveness Struggling to forgive is not what destroys us. As long as we are in the flesh, we will do our good deeds imperfectly, including forgiving and loving others. Jesus died to cover those imperfections. What destroys us is the settled position that we are not going to forgive, and we have no intention to forgive, and we intend to cherish the grudge and fondle the wrong that someone did to me and feel the bitterness. It feels good. I like to go to bed with my wrath at night because he legitimately wronged me. I am going to hold this against him the rest of his life. Full article: Thought I had it licked after my lawsuit I desperately need to hear this message

12 12 Not forgetting. Not restoration. 1. Resist thoughts of revenge: Romans 12:19, "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." 2. Don't seek to do them mischief: 1 Thessalonians 5:15, "See that no one repays another with evil for evil. 3. Wish well to them: Luke 6:28, "Bless those who curse you." 4. Grieve at their calamities: Proverbs 24:17, "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles." 5. Pray for them: Matthew 5:44, "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." 6. Seek reconciliation with them: Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." 7. Be always willing to come to their relief: Exodus 23:4, "If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him."