LESSON 12 FORGIVENESS TO OTHERS Lesson Plan

Transcription

1 LESSON 12 FORGIVENESS TO OTHERS Lesson Plan If You Only Knew What He Did Perhaps the greatest anguish we experience in this life is the personal wrongdoing that others inflict upon us. We ve all experienced the pain of: Negative or untrue words spoken behind our back. Mean comments spoken to our face. Disrespect. Deception. Ridicule. Inconsideration. Betrayal of a close friend. Physical hurt. Damage of personal property. Exclusion from a group setting. These actions will almost always produce some type of response within us. Oftentimes we will seek revenge, withdraw from the relationship or remain bitter in our hearts. None of these responses will bring us peace or God the greatest glory. Therefore God s directives are clear. When others impose pain upon us, our best and expected response is to be forgiveness. The Command is Clear Matthew 18: Then Peter came and said to Him, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Ephesians 4:32- Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Colossians 3:13- Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

2 Why is My Forgiveness of Other so Important The primary reason we as Christians need to forgive others is because we have received the great forgiveness that God has extended to us. Because we have been freely forgiven of all our sins by a Holy God, how can we receive that undeserved forgiveness and then not extend it to fellow sinners who offend us? We are to forgive others just as God in Christ also has forgiven [us] (Eph. 4:32). Listen to how these authors put it: It s nothing but sheer wickedness for you not to forgive your offender for what he s done, in light of all that you ve been forgiven [by Christ]. When you compare the trivial offenses which you must forgive, with the enormous, eternal offenses you ve committed against a Holy God, the point is uncontestable (Lou Priolo, The Complete Husband, p. 111). Whenever I see myself before God and realize something of what my blessed Lord has done for me at Calvary, I am ready to forgive anybody anything. I cannot withhold it. I do not even want to withhold it (Martin Lloyd-Jones). The person who is living by grace sees this vast contrast between his own sins against God and the offenses of others against him. He forgives others because he himself has been so graciously forgiven. He realizes that, by receiving God s forgiveness through Christ, he has forfeited the right to be offended when others hurt him. (Jerry Bridges, Transforming Grace, p ). Our Lord Jesus made this point crystal-clear in His parable of the unmerciful servant: For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, Have patience with me and I will repay you everything. And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. But that slave went out and found one of his fellow

3 slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, Pay back what you owe. So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, Have patience with me and I will repay you. But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord said to him, You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you? And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart (Mt. 18:23-35). Need More Convincing Our familiarity with Lord s Prayer often causes us to gloss over a powerful and profound statement. In verse 12 of Matthew 6 Jesus said, And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Did you hear that? The prayer on our part is asking that God would forgive us in the same way we forgive others! Are you prepared for that? If we seek to twist this convicting truth, Jesus made His intentions clear just a few verses later: For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions (Mt. 6:14-15). These verses are not promoting a works-orientated salvation which would clearly contradict the true Gospel of free grace (Gal. 2:16). We are not forgiven by God because we forgive others. Rather the verses are teaching that if we are truly forgiven by Christ, it will be evident in the way we extend to others the forgiveness we ourselves have received. The Puritan Thomas Watson explained it well, We need not climb up into heaven to see whether our sins are forgiven: let us look into our hearts, and see if we can forgive others. If we can, we need not doubt but God as forgiven us. C.H. Spurgeon in his typical wit adds, You are nothing better than deceitful hypocrites if you harbor in your minds a single unforgiving thought. There are some sins which may be in the heart, and yet you may be saved. But you cannot be saved

4 unless you are forgiving. If we do not choose to forgive, we choose to be damned (Sermons, ). Where do I Start Or we can say: Did You Really Forgive If you truly forgave someone you will refuse to: 1. Dwell on the incident. 1 Peter 2:1- Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me (Author Unknown). 2. Use the wrongdoing against the person in the future. 1 Corinthians 13:5- [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. Forgiveness is not that stripe which says, I will forgive, but not forget. It is not to bury the hatchet with the handle sticking out of the ground, so you can grasp it the minute you want it (D.L. Moody, Christian History, n. 25). 3. Gossip to others about it. Proverbs 20:19- He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip.

5 Confess your sins, not your neighbor s (Author Unknown). 4. Let the incident stand in the way of reconciliation. Romans 12:18- If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. True forgiveness pursues relationship and restoration. True forgiveness is not satisfied with simply canceling the debt. It longs to love again (Sam Storms, Forgiveness: What It Is, What It Is Not). As one couple said, Frustrated condemnation of others and treasuring of old wrongs are not part of the artillery of God, but the slithering, slimy, deadly creatures of the Prince of Darkness (John and Barbara Miller Juliani, Come Back, Barbara, p ). Can Anything Good Come Out of This Assurance- As Jesus made it clear in Matthew 6:14-15, God forgives those who forgive others. Again, it is not that we merit God s forgiveness by our own, but the reality of our salvation which is forgiveness from God will be seen in our desire and ability to forgive others. Therefore when we by God grace lovingly forgive others (something we d never do in the flesh) we will have clear evidence that the Holy Spirit is alive within us. Peace- Forgiveness comes from the Greek word aphiemi which means to let go. Forgiveness is a release, a letting go of self-destructive feelings that rob us of peace. Holding on to the wrongdoings of others will never produce tranquility within our hearts (Pr. 14:30). Bitter people are miserable. Revenge is a poison to our soul. Keeping records of wrongs is draining. Why not simply forgive and then consciously entrust the entire matter to God? Why take justice into your hands when you can leave it in the hands of the Almighty Judge (Rom. 3:6; 14:10; Jas. 4:12)? Why endure the pain of doing it your way only to forsake your peace through the multiplied burdens, disharmony with others and disapproval from God?

6 Need Some Examples Reconciliation- When two people are holding grudges there will never be any true reconciliation of the relationship. Of course it does take two cooperative people to produce true reconciliation; at least you can take the initiative to do your part to forgive. Your response will ease your conscience, be pleasing to God and hopefully open the door for the other person to follow your example. From Jesus- Imagine having done nothing wrong and then being nailed to a cross to die a painful and humiliating death. How would you feel about your executioners? Here is what Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing (Lk. 23:34). From a biblical figure- Imagine have all your brothers unjustly throw you in a pit and sell you into slavery to live in a foreign land. How would you feel if you had a chance to seek revenge? Here is what Joseph said, Do not be afraid, for am I in God's place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones (Gen. 50:19-21) From a nonbiblical figure- Imagine having your husband brutally murdered by South American natives only because he sought to bring them the love of Jesus Christ. How would you feel about these people? Here is what Elizabeth Elliot said, To the world at large this was a sad waste of five young lives. But God has His plan and purpose in all things The prayers of the widows themselves are for the Aucas. We look forward to the day when these savages will join us in Christian praise. Plans were promptly formulated for continuing the work of the martyrs (Elisabeth Elliot, Through Gates of Splendor, p ). What Happens When I am the One who Needs Forgiveness

7 This chapter has dealt entirely with situations where you need to forgive others. Yet we all know that we are sinners as well and have often hurt or offended others with our words or actions. Robert Williams Seven A s of Confession (adapted) is helpful as to how we are to ask for forgiveness when we are the guilty party. 1. Address everyone involved and only them. Talk to them about your faults. Do it right away and be persistent. Only talk to people who are part of the problem or part of the solution. 2. Avoid if, but, maybe. That s just blaming the other party and finding fault with them for your own failure. Negative examples are: If I offended you, Maybe I was wrong, If you hadn t said that, I m sorry, but you 3. Admit specifically what you did, when possible. 4. Apologize - express your sorrow for your sin. 5. Ask for forgiveness. Most people leave this out. The other party might be 99% wrong, but this isn t about them right now. Specifically ask, Will you please forgive me for? 6. Accept the consequences. Make restitution. It s what you ought to do. Don t demand that they pretend nothing happened. 7. Alter your behavior. You won t be perfect, but you ll get better. Repent before God. A Few Questions What makes the forgiveness of others so difficult? What specific sins of others do you find most difficult to forgive? How did you feel when someone else has forgiven you? In your own words, why does unforgiveness steal your peace and joy? What does a Christian need to do to earn God s forgiveness? Should you forgive others even when they do not ask for it? Is it possible to truly forgive someone and still not fully trust that person?

8 Can you forgive and still seek justice? What bothers you more: Your sins against God or another s sins against you? Bible Memorization Ephesians 4:32- Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.