Life Group. Chapter 26: PATIENCE May 14 & 15, 2016

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1 Life Group Chapter 26: PATIENCE May 14 & 15, 2016 Welcome! Welcome to Session 26 of Believe. If there are any new members in your group, take a moment to introduce yourselves to each other. Getting Started Let s begin by reciting the Key Verse and Key Idea together as a group. Key Verse: Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. (Proverbs 14:29) Key Idea: I am slow to anger and endure patiently under the unavoidable pressure of life. Group Discussion Let s discuss our thoughts and feelings about the following declarations. Which statements are easy to declare with certainty? Which are more challenging, and why? I do not get angry with God when I have to endure suffering. Anger with God is as old as time it goes all the way back to Cain and the first human family (Gen 4:5), and even to Abraham (Gen 18:23-25), who was angry at God for His apparent readiness to destroy the innocent people of Sodom along with those who were guilty. > If you have ever responded to suffering and tragedy by getting angry at God, you re not alone. People get angry at God all the time, even about everyday disappointments. < Anger isn t an indication that someone is turning his or her back on God people can be angry at God while still feeling love or respect toward God. Julie Exline Anger at God and faith and positive feelings about God are compatible. > The thought that belief in God demands calm acceptance of everything that comes our ways is not realistic. < We can see in the examples of Abraham and Moses that dissatisfaction with the circumstances of life can direct our anger toward God. Though God s answers to our prayers often don t come when we want them to, and frequently differ from the ones we seek, we must learn to trust Him during the times of testing. > God never leaves us or forsakes us, no matter how frustrated or angry we become, or how painful the journey may be (2 Tim 2:13; Heb 13:5) -- the work He began in us, He has promised to complete (Phil 1:6), and everything we go through is simply a part of His transformational plan (Rom 8:28, 31, 36; Eph 1:11). < The lovingkindness of the Lord never ceases; His mercies are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness (Lam 3:22-23). Randy Frazee Discussion Page 1

2 Being angry or disappointed with God is a troubling subject for many believers. With deep loss and suffering God is blamed and some people refuse to ever try to resolve their relationship with Him. > Most of us are masters at justifying our own anger or disappointment over far less significant things; but there are times when life can be a very sobering experience. < We may wonder why the Lord allows His people to go through difficult testings and trials, but the Scriptures teach us that God, in His wisdom, sees fit to allow us to be touched by sickness, sorrow, affliction, persecution, difficulties, and distresses. ^ We must remember that God controls trials and uses them to strengthen us in our faith. All of the difficulties we go through in life are designed for a greater cause that will ultimately be for our growth and God s glory. ^ God s glory is manifested through broken vessels (2 Cor 4:7; Job 10:9), through people who endure troubles by relying on His power. I am known to maintain honesty and integrity when under pressure. Honesty and integrity, the character quality of being above reproach, true to your word, and not compromising your principles even when under fire, seems to be scarce among people today maybe even some Christians. > Christians should be people known for their honesty and integrity, especially when put under pressure. < If we waffle when the pressure is on, it hurts our witness and people don t see the reality of the gospel message we are to present and represent. ^ If we give up our integrity, Satan uses it to water down the power of the gospel we are to proclaim. Sometimes when we read the stories about Bible characters it is easy to forget that they were real people just like us. They are not heroes of faith because they were perfect human beings but because they chose to follow God even while facing incredible pressure to do otherwise. > Many Christians today would have a difficult time relating to these people who feared, loved, and trusted God so completely that they were willing to obey Him even if they never gained a single reward while on this earth. > When we forget that the Christian life can often bring suffering and trials, we need to remember that if we trust the Lord while we experience them, we will exchange our sometimes shallow faith for honesty, integrity, compassion, character, wisdom, patience, and a deep faith in Jesus that cannot be shaken. I always put matters into God s hands when I am under pressure. Even though we belong to God, we still seem to experience problems and we can become discouraged and bogged down in those problems. > Because the Bible addresses this problem it indicates that God knows problems and worries are a part of life. He gives us this solution from his word: < Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall (Psalm 55:22). Randy Frazee Discussion Page 2

3 < Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). The two verses above contain some amazing truths: > God will sustain us, He will never let us fall, and He cares for us. < God declares both His ability and His willingness to be our strength and support mentally, emotionally and spiritually. < He is able (and willing) to take everything that threatens to overwhelm us and use it for our benefit. < He has promised to work all things together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ^ Even at times when we doubt Him, He is still working for our good and His glory. < He has also promised that He will allow no trial to be so great we cannot bear it and that He will provide a means of escape (1 Cor. 10:13) > The statement he cares for you gives us the motivation behind His other promises. < Our God is not cold or unfeeling. ^ He is our loving heavenly Father whose heart is tender toward His children. ^ Jesus reminds us that just as an earthly father would not deny his children bread, so God has promised to give us good gifts when we ask Him (Matt. 7:11). By putting matters into God s hands, it gives us an opportunity to practice Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." > God is bigger than all our worries and problems put together, and we can realize that and have victory in our lives. > Everyone suffers with difficulties. In reality, feelings come from thoughts, so, even though we can't change how we feel, we can change how we think, and this is what God wants us to do. "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 2:5) I keep my composure even when people or circumstances irritate me. There s a familiar line in Rudyard Kipling s poem that reads, If you can keep your head when all about you men are losing theirs then you will be a man my son. If we can maintain our composure under pressure it s a positive testimony to the world that we follow the One who grants us a peace that passes understanding. > We must admit it s not easy to keep calm in a crisis. Most people don t. > How do you keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs? < Although we re not God in the flesh, as Jesus was, He did set an example for us that we should follow in His steps. How do we become like Jesus and stay calm under pressure? > The one essential for maintaining composure is the confidence that, regardless of what happens, the Lord is with us and He is still in control. < When you face stress remember Jesus words, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Randy Frazee Discussion Page 3

4 ^ He promised to never leave nor forsake us. ^ We are not alone. ^ He is our refuge and strength and our present help in times of trouble. > When we re confident that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us: < Disappointments are regarded as temporary < Interruptions are seen as opportunities < Even the most violent storms are manageable. Interestingly, there are times when doing nothing requires a greater strength than taking action. Maintaining composure is often the best evidence of power. > Those who are unjustly accused, and mistreated without cause, know the tremendous strength that is necessary to keep silent and to leave revenge to God. < We have a great example in Paul when he said: The apostle Paul said, None of these things move me. (Acts 20:24 KJV). ^ He did not say, None of these things hurt me. It is one thing to be hurt, and quite another to be moved. > Paul had determined not to move from what he believed was right. ^ He did not value things as we are prone to do. ^ He never looked for the easy way. ^ He placed no value on his mortal life. > Paul only cared about one thing, and that was his loyalty to Christ. The abiding life is not fragile but flexible. Irritability is replaced by equanimity an evenness of mind or temper, a calmness and composure. There is wonderful freedom from fastidiousness because self is not around to kick up a fuss. Through repeated claims on our time and attention, we learn how to cope with interruptions, not by accommodating them but by abiding in Him. This ability to cope spills over into increased all-round productivity through doing all things with a right and unaffected spirit. Restlessness of spirit can be contagious, but so can restfulness. --UNKNOWN Discuss this week s Key Ideas with these questions. 1. What current situations test your patience most? Why? 2. What external forces negatively impact your ability to remain patient? Randy Frazee Discussion Page 4

5 3. How has your relationship with God impacted your ability to be slow to anger in stressful situations? 4. Describe a challenging time in your life that helped you develop perseverance. How did you grow spiritually during that period? Read the section Being Slow to Become Angry in Believe (pages ) and choose 1 2 questions that will lead to the greatest discussion in your group. BEING SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY One of the primary ideas behind the virtue of patience is taking a long time to overheat. The Greek word carries the idea of a thermometer. If a spiritual thermometer were placed in our mouths as we faced a difficult situation how long would it take for our temperature to rise? As we mature, we learn to control our anger and practice patience in all circumstances. Young David was a threat to King Saul. While it was not David s goal, he was popular with the people of Israel. King Saul burned with anger and jealousy towards David. For the next several years, he pursued David, hoping to capture and kill him. David, forced to become a fugitive, proves he is a man after God s own heart when he waits on God s timing instead of taking matters into his own hands. (See 1 Samuel 24:1-26, pgs in BELIEVE.) SUMMARY: Saul came back to pursue David after he had fought with the Philistines. Saul entered into a cave to relieve himself. By coincidence, David and his men were hiding at the back of the cave. As Saul fell asleep, David s men told him that this day God is going to hand Saul into his hand. But David only cut a corner of Saul s robe. After cutting the corner of Saul s robe, David felt guilty. He felt that it was wrong to do that because Saul is the Lord s anointed king. Then, David rebuked his men and stopped them from attacking Saul. Later, Saul woke up and went away. David and his men also went out of the cave. David shouted to Saul from behind. David bowed down to Saul on the ground. He questioned Saul for listening to others telling the King that David wanted to harm him. He showed him the corner piece that he cut off from Saul s robe and proved to him that he could have killed him just now in the cave but he didn t. He asked God to deal with King Saul for what he had done to him. Saul wept and he was conscience stricken. He knew that David was kind to him even though he wanted to kill him. He confessed that he wants to kill him because he felt he is his enemy. He knew that David will be the next king. He made David swear that he will spare his surviving descendants after his death so that there will always be someone to carry a name for his father s family. David swore the oath. After that, King Saul returned home and David went to his stronghold. Randy Frazee Discussion Page 5

6 Saul returned home, but his jealousy remained. As the days passed, Saul allowed his anger against David to fester and grow. Once again Saul led three thousand troops on a mission to capture and kill David. (See 1 Samuel 26:1-25, pgs ) The Ziphites informed Saul that David was hiding in the hill of Hakilah. When Saul heard this, he traveled to the Desert of Ziph with 3,000 men. Saul set up his camp beside the road on the hill of Hakilah. David remained in the desert. David sent out scouts to find out if Saul had already arrived. When David learned that Saul had already arrive, he asked Ahimelech and Abishai, which of them want to follow him into the camp. Abishai said he will go. David and Abishai sneaked into Saul s camp while he and his men were asleep. Abishai told David that this day God had handed Saul to him. He asked for David s permission to kill Saul with one strike of the spear. But David rebuked him and said that Saul was the Lord s anointed king. David said God would handle Saul's death. Saul would die over time or be killed in a battle if he had sinned against God. After that, they grabbed the spear and water jug near the head of Saul and slipped out of the camp. After they sneaked out of the camp, David went to the top of a hill in a distance and called out to Abner (a leader in Saul's army). He rebuked Abner for not guarding King Saul s life efficiently. David asked Abner if he can search for the spear and water jug near Saul s head. Saul recognized David s voice and he called out to him. David replied that he is not worthy to be pursued by him. He reassured King Saul that he had no intention to kill him. Saul's pursuit of David kept him from being able to live in his homeland, which brought David great sadness. King Saul admitted that he had sinned and he invited him to join his service again. Then, David told Saul to send his men to come and get the spear. He hoped God will deliver him from all the troubles since he did not take King Saul s life. David was the chosen heir to Israel's throne, but he spent years dodging King Saul's angry pursuit. > Despite having two different opportunities for vengeance, David resisted the temptation and spared Saul's life. He chose to let God be charge of Saul's life, and his eventual crowning as King of Israel. > David not only achieved his objective through patience; he also observed that God's way was always best. < David left behind a marvelous testimony of God's faithfulness for us. ^ He was committed to waiting upon the Lord, and as a result, he had the Father's approval and blessing. ^ We cannot underestimate the reward of living in God's favor. That isn't a special state reserved for "giants of the faith" like David. All who obediently endure until the Lord acts on their behalf have His favor. > David trusted in God's faithfulness, he endured hardship with patience. We, too, can expect to be blessed when we wait upon the Lord. Saul eventually dies in a battle against the Philistines. When David gets word of Saul and his son Jonathan s death, he refuses to celebrate victory for himself but grieves the loss of Israel s king. David waited for God to work out his plan. In the course of time, David became king of his own tribe, Judah; and seven years later he was crowned king of all Israel. David s son Solomon took the throne of Israel Randy Frazee Discussion Page 6

7 after David s death. In Proverbs Solomon shares from his amazing reservoir of God-instilled wisdom. Here is what he wrote about the virtue of patience. Proverbs 14:29 29 Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. Patience brings greater understanding. When we are hasty in our reactions because of anger, we do not get the full picture of what is happening, thus we do not have a good understanding of what our response should be or should have been. Proverbs 15:18 18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Reacting with anger to a person is usually responded with more anger until it escalates into a conflict. Our responses to those who are angry need to be quickly thought through with wisdom and calmness and not from a reactionary reflex. Proverbs 16:32 32 Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city. Contrary to the many who would say it is good to vent one s anger, Proverbs advocates being patient. > The teaching here is simply that a person who can take charge of his own conduct, discipline and command his own behavior, having complete control of his appetites and passions is greater than any world conqueror or military hero. Proverbs 19:11 11 A person s wisdom yields patience; it is to one s glory to overlook an offense. In many cultures, any sign of disrespect to a man is a challenge to his honor, and he can regain it only by fighting whoever insults him. Here, patience and overlooking slights bring honor to a man. Proverbs 25:15 15 Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone. Diplomacy with peers or superiors means using tact even while trying to persuade them. > With a gentle tongue, or words delivered in a gentle language, one can remove hardness and roughness from the mind of men. It can work upon, influence, and bend men, whose wills are obstinate and stubborn, and make them pliable; thus breaking down their hardness, like breaking a bone. James offers this advice to use in our relationships with others particularly those who push our buttons. James 1:19 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, Listen ( quick to listen ). Wait ( slow to speak ). Respond ( slow to become angry ). > How many of our conflicts would dissolve or never even happen if we: < Listened to really understand a person s concern or complaint, Randy Frazee Discussion Page 7

8 < Waited until ^ Our initial impulse passed (which is typically wrong) ^ We have prayed about the situation ^ We have asked clarifying questions < Responded with patience, graciousness, honesty, clarity, and, if possible, brevity. Let s look at these three points even closer > Listen. < Being quick to listen is a mark of humility. It considers someone else more significant than one s self (Philippians 2:3). < Listening to understand before responding is a sign of being willing to consider the advice of others (Proverbs 12:15), and to seek God s understanding (Proverbs 3:6). > Wait. < Waiting before responding is often a way God calls us to love others (1 Corinthians 13:4). < Waiting to speak allows us to get past our initial response which often brings an impulsive reaction (Proverbs 10:19). < Waiting allows us the time to seek God for wisdom and discernment. < Waiting allows us time to ask clarifying questions that often don t come in the heat of anger or reaction. > Respond. < When we respond it is import that our words are full of grace (Proverbs 16:24; Ephesians 4:29). ^ Gracious words are sometimes tender and sometimes tough (Prov. 27:6), but they are always thought through, clear, honest, and if possible, concise (Proverbs 10:19). ^ They always aim for truthful restoration and genuine agreement (2 Corinthians 13:11). Being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry is very hard. But with God, all things are possible (Luke 18:27). > So as we face conflicts today, we need to listen, wait, and respond in the spirit of James 1:19. PARAPHRASED FROM THINK, ACT, BELIEVE LIKE JESUS by Randy Frazee Consider these scenarios as we think about how our inability to wait has impacted modern culture: writing s versus handwritten (or typed) letters sent in the mail talking on cell phones versus landlines picking up food at drive-through windows versus sitting down for a well-prepared meal at home cooking in microwaves versus cooking on the stove downloading music on itunes versus buying CDs streaming movies on a laptop versus renting DVDs using single-serve coffee pods versus multi-cup coffeepots We find ourselves more and more often becoming frustrated because we have to wait five minutes to get what we want, whereas just a few years ago we might have had to wait five hours. We no longer want to wait for anything. so patience is a crucial virtue for a Christian. God provides help for our impatient souls in a number of ways: 1. By example. God s long-suffering in dealing with us provides an ongoing model of how we should respond to others and to difficult situations. Randy Frazee Discussion Page 8

9 2. By empowerment. God s Spirit gives us the strength to see life through his eyes and not just view the urgency of the issue. His perspective, which he shares with us, can help us see the bigger picture. 3. By encouragement. Scripture is filled with inspirational and motivating words to slow us down and wait for God s timing and provision. 1. How did the years David spent waiting to become king prepare him for the responsibility of the throne? 2. In what ways have periods of waiting developed your character? 3. In what ways have you experienced the foolishness of quick-temperedness? Case Study Use the following case study as a model for a real-life situation where you might put this week s Key Idea into practice. Kelly has been dreaming about creating her own family since she was a little girl. She was engaged soon after college but felt led by God to call it off. Since then, she has tried numerous ways to find a good husband, but nothing has materialized. Anxiety and fear breed within her as each year passes. She is beginning to believe she will always be alone. Using the Key Applications from this session, what could you say or do to help Kelly? Closing Prayer Close your time together with prayer. Share your prayer requests with one another. Ask God to help you put this week s Key Idea into practice. Randy Frazee Discussion Page 9