Counseling Issues. Week 13. Parenting: Part Four. What God is Looking for In Children

Transcription

1 Counseling Issues Week 13 Parenting: Part Four What God is Looking for In Children 543

2 Other Issues Week 13 COUNSELING ISSUES: PARENTING *The questions in this week s syllabus are intended to generate interaction with the truths of the Word. Students are not required to answer the questions. If you use this study as a resource in counseling others, answers to each question are essential. Topic One: What Is God Looking For In Children? >>>>>The Scriptures Obey parents Ephesians 6:1-2 Proverbs 15:31 Proverbs 16:5 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof Will dwell among the wise. Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD; Assuredly, he will not be unpunished. Treat others with kindness and respect Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. 544

3 Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Do work for God s glory Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 1 Peter 4:10-11 As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Proverbs 10:9 Proverbs 13:4 He who walks in integrity walks securely, But he who perverts his ways will be found out. The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, But the soul of the diligent is made fat. Do not be arrogant Proverbs 11:2 Proverbs 27:2 When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips. 1 Corinthians 4:7 For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I 545

4 live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Replace anger with doing right Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:18 Proverbs 20:3 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute. Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, But any fool will quarrel. The Most Important Issue: Their Relationship with God God Looks at the Heart 2 Chronicles 16:9a For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the LORD are in every place, Watching the evil and the good. Proverbs 16:2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives. 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. Sin Has Consequences Proverbs 15:9 Proverbs 16:18 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, But He loves one who pursues righteousness. Pride goes before destruction, 546

5 And a haughty spirit before stumbling. Proverbs 15:10 Proverbs 29:15 Grievous punishment is for him who forsakes the way; He who hates reproof will die. The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. God Offers Forgiveness to Those Who Confess Sin and Repent 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Psalms 103:11-12 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. God Offers Certain Help to Christians Who Seek It Psalms 1:2-3 Hebrews 4:15-16 Philippians 4:6-7 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond 547

6 what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. Becoming a Doer of the Word as Parents For each topic of study in the preceding section, answer the following questions. Is it our responsibility before God to teach our children this principle? What do we hope to accomplish in training our children in these things? How will we rely on God s grace to do our part? In regard to the truths of God s Word we have not taught, what false things have we taught (by what we spoke, by what we allowed in their lives, by doing nothing) instead? What sins of commission and omission must we confess to God, repent of and confess to our children and ask their forgiveness? What specific actions will we take to instruct our children in this truth? What will we communicate from God s Word? How will we speak of the help God offers? What will we do to train them (help them make habits/patterns) to consistently live out God s Word? What will we do when they sin? What will we use to motivate them? Why will we do this? How will we encourage them when they do well? 548

7 >>>>>Practical Help in Considering What God is Looking For In Children at Various Ages: Opinions on How to Implement the Truths of the Word I encourage you as a fellow Christian indwelled by the Holy Spirit and for whom the Lord causes the Bible to be living and active and reach the level of the thoughts and intentions of your heart to develop your own opinions on how to live out the truths of the Scriptures Years Obeying parent consists of simple, easily understood rules such as do what mom says, do not say no to parents, do not hurt / take from / say mean things to siblings You can help your young ones begin a life of treating others kindly by explaining choices and the thinking behind each and by telling them how you decide how to be kind in basic situations Anger can be changed by not stirring it up with harsh words but by consistently speaking gentle words as well as maintaining rules and consequences daily 5 9 Years Keep the house rules simple Help your children by teaching them how to think in different difficult situations; show them what the Scriptures say; ask for information on what thoughts and feelings occur inside them in various settings so you understand the problem and can help with the solution Help your children evaluate themselves as God does, by what their purpose or motive is, what they are trying to cause, rather than by the outward Help them begin a life pattern of doing work hard and for the purpose of God s glory This age group can also learn to ask for God s help to obey Him by how they work Encourage progress Show them how to deal with sin biblically by being an example of one who repents, asks their forgiveness and forgives the way God in Christ forgives us 549

8 10-13 Years Be an example of a humble believer Help your children to learn how to be humble before God and not arrogant before people; help them learn and know the Word and be able to evaluate what they see by it; help them learn the thought process that results in humbly serving God Increase according to their age level their interaction with God at the heart level; let them know your struggles with sin and your battles that end with yielding your will to God s Cause your home to be a place that is fun, interesting and filled with open conversation Continue to serve as a parent, for the purpose of glorifying God, not for anticipation of the response of your children Years Teach your children how to work for God s glory Show them how to keep work and achievement from overtaking the purpose of glorifying God above all Help them to not become obsessed with work or accomplishment, but to understand what is a balanced Christian life Work hard at conversation Serve by setting aside time for you children Let them see more of how the principles of the Word found in this chapter are lived out in your life, and how you are working to change areas that fall short You are still the parent Connect them in deeper and deeper ways with the Word, the personal interaction with God that can be theirs and the seeking of grace to help in time of need 19+ Years Assess what is left in your child s progress to become a young man or woman who can stand alone with Jesus Christ in the midst of this world, then carefully plan how you can help them grow in these areas and lovingly, energetically serve and give 550

9 >>>>>Important Principles to Consider Being a Servant versus Child-centered Parenting In seeking to be parents who work diligently and effectively to be tools in God s hand to accomplish what He desires in our children (i.e., what He shows us in the Scriptures preceding), we must be servants. This is our role as Christians in all things: Jesus served and we are to follow in His example (Mark ); Paul gladly spent and expended himself in service to others (2 Corinthians 12.15a); we are to regard others, including our children as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2.3-4). You say, That sounds like the child-centered home. No. The parent in the childcentered home is indeed a servant, but one working against the Lord. It could be because of fear of rejection of the children, it could be due to belief in false teachings in our world, it could be the result of immaturity in Christ or any number of other causes, but the fact remains that the servanthood of parents in the child-centered home is going contrary to God s revealed will for them as parents. Such servanthood excuses sin, does not lead, builds self esteem instead of a pattern of doing what the Word says and allows habits of disobeying parents and God to develop. Jesus served by refusing temptation every day, not giving in to false teaching even for a moment, by boldly working to do His Father s will and giving when He was tired. He did not serve by letting the disciples think wrongly or go down a path of destruction and pretend that was love. Paul s service preached Jesus as Lord and himself as the bondservants of the Corinthians (2 Corinthians 4.5). Similarly, the regarding the children as more important is not apart from the Lordship of Christ. Our serving involves loving when we are tired, leading the family by living out the truth of the Word when it is hard, doing the hard work of listening, helping, speaking what is right and not compromising. The purpose is first to honor our God. He is our Lord. Secondly, we therefore love our children as He loved us, living a life of serving to give them the best opportunity to live lives obedient to the Word. What Is God Looking For in Parents? Measure your work as a parent not by whether your life is easy and pleasant, not by your childrens achievements in sports nor by their outward appearance. Honestly 551

10 evaluate your motives. Can it be said that the driving force in how you parent is a desire to be a doer of the Word? If that is not your overriding purpose, what is? Also, as you consider that Scriptures in this chapter about what God is looking for in your children, what have you done to help them become doers of these Bible verses? What must you do differently? How could you become a wonderful helpful force in their lives to benefit them in really knowing God and walking according to His Word? ADD / ADHD and ODD Many sources in our culture these days teach that ADD / ADHD and ODD are disorders caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The answer to the problem lies in psychotropic drugs. However, if you watch the advertisements for such prescription medications or read their websites, it is clearly stated that if chemical imbalances exist, what chemical is out of balance is not known. The prescribed drugs do not alleviate the supposed but unproven imbalance, but only change behavior. Further, the drugs often have side effects if taken for en extended period of time. Proponents of this way of thinking in the church say that the Bible does not speak about ADHD or chemical imbalances. However, as you read the following criteria for diagnosis, compare them with the Scriptures listed previously in this chapter. How many of the symptoms of these disorders are not addressed in the verses from the sections Obey Parents, Treat Others With Kindness and Respect, Do Work for God s Glory, Do Not Be Arrogant and Replace Anger With Doing Right? These things are covered in the Word! God teaches that these problems can be overcome and that they should be overcome. He is not giving us, in His Word, impossible tasks. Further, He offers clear instruction on how a child can deal with sin biblically, beginning with the Gospel but also including steps to put off sin and put on righteousness. Parents are also given clear guidelines on how to train children to obey God and medications are not necessary. For the Christian child there is hope: God does offer certain help to those who seek it and the result is growth in holiness, sanctification, becoming more like Christ. Consider the symptoms of ADHD and ODD. Notice that diagnosis is not based on a measure of chemicals in the brain, nor on tests of physical balances in the body, but only on observed behavior. The document that defines these terms is the DSM4 (latest edition), produced by the American Psychiatric Association. The following quotes are taken directly from said volume: 552

11 Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD, is diagnosed based on the following criteria: Either six or more of the following symptoms of inattention have persisted for at least six months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level: 1. Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work or other activities 2. Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities 3. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly 4. often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions) 5. Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities 6. Often avoids, dislikes or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework) 7. Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils, books or tools) 8. Is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli 9. Is often forgetful in daily activity Or, six of the following symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level: 1. Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat 2. Often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected 3. Often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate 4. Often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly 5. Is often on the go or often acts as if driven by a motor 6. Often talks excessively 7. Often blurts out answers before questions have been completed 8. Often has difficulty awaiting turn 9. Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games) Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ODD, is diagnosed based on the following criteria: A. A pattern of negative, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four or more of the following are present: 553

12 1. often loses temper 2. often argues with adults 3. often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults requests or rules 4. often deliberately annoys people 5. often blames others for his or her mistakes os misbehavior 6. is often touchy or easily annoyed by others 7. is often angry and resentful 8. is often spiteful or vindictive B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic or occupational functioning. C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of Psychotic or Mood Disorder. D. Criteria are not met for Conduct Disorder, and, if the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Given the facts that experts who write these things and prescribe drugs for their treatment believe that if there is such a thing as a chemical imbalance, the medications do not directly address it, and that long term use of these medications is not endorsed, you would think that they would be looking for other ways to help children change their behavior so that the problem would be solved. But that would go against the idea that man is basically good. Then there would be responsibility for actions. If you are a Christian today, take hope. God does address these issues in His Word. Certainly all of us have susceptibility to one temptation or another more than most people. But as in any other sins, they can be overcome. I once counseled the parents of a boy diagnosed with these disorders. As I got to know the boy and the parents, it was confirmed that he did most of the things listed in DSM4. The parents form of discipline was to let him do what he wanted until they had had enough, then yell or say harsh words. He often hurt his siblings, cursed at his mother and disrupted his classroom. After seeing all that the Word said about parenting and these so-called disorders, we developed a course of action. The father met with his son when the boy came home each afternoon. They read verses on the boy s temptations to sin and discussed the choices he would likely face in the next three hours. There would be consequences for his choices: to disobey God would result in the two meeting again and a spanking being administered; 554

13 to obey God would result in the two meeting together and the father hugging his son, encouraging him and the two engaging in happy conversation. Then they would pray for God s help for the boy to do right. They also discussed strategies for remembering what the Word said when temptation came and how to think differently than before when he would act selfishly. The father did his part consistently. By God s grace, the ten year old boy became a Christian a short time later. For the first time he understood he was a sinner, needing forgiveness through the blood of Christ, rather than a boy with a disease beyond his control. His sin decreased steadily. He learned self control, love and obeying God even when he didn t feel like it. The home changed dramatically. It became a place of love, pleasant conversation and joy, for the boy, the father, the mother and the other children. Five months after the change in parenting, a month into sixth grade, the parents got a note from the teacher. Their son was a hard working student, helpful, obedient to the teacher and kind to other children. God has answers to all problems. He was glorified in that family that obeyed His Word. Choose this day to pursue with full energy being a parent who obeys God s Word. 555

14 Week 13 COUNSELING ISSUES: PARENTING *The questions in this week s syllabus are intended to generate interaction with the truths of the Word. Students are not required to answer the questions. If you use this study as a resource in counseling others, answers to each question are essential. Topic Two: Other Parenting Issues >>>>>The Scriptures In this section the pertinent passage from the Bible will be included within the discussion of each topic. >>>>>Important Principles to Consider False Teaching in Our Time False teaching regarding parenting generally revolves around the world s wrong view of the nature of man. God says we are all sinners, falling short of His glory and are in need of forgiveness and the power of the Spirit to be able to overcome temptation. Apart from new life through the blood of Christ, we cannot please God. Our society says that man is basically good. Therefore, children should follow their own instincts, they inner child is pure and truth comes from within. They can best figure out truth on their own. They should not be punished for wrongdoing. In fact, if they are selfish, lack self-control and are rude, they suffer from a disease and need medication. Teen aged girls can best decide for themselves if they should have an abortion or not. Believing in yourself is right thinking, key to success. Do you see how these two sets of beliefs are mutually exclusive? Which do you believe? How do these ideas affect how those who follow the Scriptures parent their children? How do they impact those who raise their children based on the false teachings of our society? How are the above ideas opposed to the Word manifested in the way 556

15 classrooms and sports teams are typically led? What movies and television programs endorse one view or the other? What do you say about these issues when discussion occurs in your family? For more information and specific Scriptures on this topic, please look at the end of this chapter in the Practical Tools to Help You section. Unequally Yoked Parents The Christian woman, alone, is capable of teaching and training her children from the Scriptures and so is a Christian man (Proverbs ; Ephesians 6.1-4; Philippians 1.6, Philippians , 1 Corinthians 10.13). By embracing the principles of the Word discussed throughout this study, the one parent can effectively train his or her children in the Lord. Certainly, the opposition of a spouse who cannot please God and does not subject their will to the Lord s (Romans 8.6-8) makes it more difficult, but not to a greater degree than the plentiful grace of God (Hebrews ). The unequally yoked Christian man has it a bit easier than his female counterpart in that he is attempting to lead the family and she is attempting to follow her husband s direction when it does not directly oppose the Word, however the Lord provides the woman with a direction, a mindset of strength in Him: Do what is right without being frightened by any fear. (1 Peter 3.7, in a paragraph whose topic is the wife of a man not obeying God s Word). The believing man or woman is to fearlessly go forward. The Christian may not divorce the unbeliever, except if the latter has sinned by having intercourse outside the marriage (1 Corinthians , Matthew ). If the non- Christian spouse has been unfaithful to the marriage bed, the believer is not required to divorce, but is free to do so within the will of the Lord. In such cases, until the divorce is final, the believer should still act in love and the desire for the other to come to faith in the Gospel (Ephesians applies until the last day of marriage). If the unbeliever divorces the Christian for any reason, the believer is free to remarry a Christian in the future, as is the case if the brother or sister in the Lord divorced for the biblical reason stated above. It is a hard life, but not an impossible one. In any hardship, it is the honor of a child of God to know the grace, love and care of God in a special way (2 Corinthians ). Such a one can live a life that brings their spouse to understand the reality of the Gospel, be a great example and blessing to his or her children and know the camaraderie with the Lord that is only borne by traveling through the storms of life together with Him (John 16.33, 2 Timothy , 1 Peter 1.6-9, 1 Peter 4.1-2). 557

16 Special Needs Children A good friend once said, there will be children with various difficulties born into the world, I am thankful that these two are born into this house where they will be loved rather than somewhere else. This was a right attitude, one that encompassed love for God and his children, and assumed the hope God gives for difficult times is true (Romans 8.28, 1 Corinthians 10.13, Galatians 2.20, 2 Timothy , 1 Peter 1.6-9). Big questions loom. If the parents sinned in some way that may have contributed to the child s hardships, can they be forgiven? Yes (Psalm , Psalm 51, 1 John 1.9, Revelation 3.19: the repentant believer is clean and should only think about God s great forgiveness, not the guilt for sin that has been removed in God s eyes). Is God choosing to make the parents suffer? No (Romans 8.28, James 1.2-4: His intent in any trial, no matter how it came to be, is to cause all things to work together for good for the believer and transform adversity into a tool to know Him, His Word and His love in a deeper manner). For more, see Hope From God s Word in the Practical Tools at the end of this chapter. Parents should work hard to assess their child s capacities along the way. Is he or she able to understand the Gospel? If so, work as you would with any child to give them the greatest opportunity to come to saving faith in Jesus Christ (Matthew , *1 Corinthians ). How does their world look from their eyes? Follow-up question: how can I love and care for them best? (Philippians 2.3-4, 2 Corinthians 4.5, 1 Peter 1.22). How does God view this season of my life? He has chosen this setting as your stage on which to love, give and serve for the sake of His glory (Galatians 2.20, Philippians ). The Word How crucial are the Scriptures in parenting and in the lives of children who are believers! How can each of the following factors be incorporated into how you view yourself as a Christian parent and what you are trying to accomplish in the lives of your children? Psalm How blessed are those who observe His testimonies, Who seek Him with all their heart. 558

17 Psalm You have ordained You precepts, That we should keep them diligently. Psalm How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your Word. Psalm I shall delight in Your statutes; I will not forget Your Word. Psalm Your testimonies also are my delight; They are my counselors. Psalm This has become mine, That I observe Your precepts. Psalm I am a companion of all those who fear You, And of those who keep Your precepts. Psalm Before I was afflicted I went astray, But now I keep Your Word. Psalm Forever, o Lord, Your Word is settled in heaven. Psalm I will never forget Your precepts, For by them You have revived me. Psalm O how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. Psalm I understand more than the aged, Because I have observed Your precepts. Psalm Your Word is a lamp to my feet, And a light to my path. 559

18 Psalm I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes, Forever, even to the end. Psalm Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. Family Identity Carefully consider before the Lord what identity your family will pursue. What things will you do in the seeking to be doers of the Word that will become who you are? What events or practices will you develop that will benefit each of you in becoming more like Christ or in viewing life according to His Word? What will you do together as a family to enable the building of relationships to their fullest levels? How and where will you spend time discussing occurances of life, ideas, events and the actions and desires of human souls under the light of the Word of God? How will you set the stage for your children to be comfortable in coming to you with their questions, their fears and their struggles? These and a dozen other related questions should be evaluated by parents. Sibling Relationships Many Christian children grow up in families where the parents allow brothers and sisters to treat each other unkindly. Too many parents assume that there will be conflict and they allow it to dominate sibling relationships. This is wrong on a number of levels. First, children who are taught to obey parents, treat parents and others with love and respect and speak words that are honoring to God are allowed to sin against each other. Also, patterns of thinking, talking and resolving conflicts that are not pleasing to God become habits that continue into relationships with friends when the children leave home and even how they relate to their spouse (often, the most significant relationship a boy or girl has with the opposite sex in their youth is with their brother or sister). As well, the testimony of the Gospel by the family and the siblings individually is harmed as unbelievers see only what they experience in their homes. How can parents alleviate this common problem? The easiest way is to have as one of the basic house rules from the beginning that each child must treat their brothers and sisters properly (no yelling, no stealing toys, no hitting, no hurting each other, no hurting the other s feelings, and so on). When part of what happens in the 2 to 4 year old time is that each child knows they are protected from the sins of other children as well as held to this standard, then a lifelong pattern has been set. Certainly there will be occasional 560

19 transgressions, most of which will be able to dealt with by words of correction, but the predominant atmosphere in the home between siblings is love, fun and mutual help. The results of such a course are God-honoring and beneficial to the children. They have close and lifelong friends in their brothers and sisters. They have developed skills of communication, forgiving, solving problems biblically and how to be a real friend that will go with them into every relationship in the future. If you have allowed your children to fight and argue for there whole lives so far, it is time to implement change (see the next topic). As a starting point, here is truth from Scripture addressing the right way for brothers and sisters to relate to each other: Proverbs 12.18, 12.22, 15.4, 15.18, 16.5, 17.17, 17.22, 18.2; Mark ; Luke ; John ; Ephesians ; Philippians 2.3-4; Titus Single Parents What Scriptures address the common questions of single parents: Can I be adequate on my own? Yes: (1 Corinthians 10.13, James 1.2-4, women: read Proverbs 31). How can I fill the needs of my children as well as me and a spouse could have? In general, you are equipped to teach and train (2 Timothy ), if you are a doer of the Word God s blessing will fill in gaps (James 1.25); also, you have the resources of the church to help with specific needs (Titus 3.14) and it is okay to ask (Philemon ). Can things turn out well? See the Hope From God s Word study at the end of this chapter and portions of the Unequally Yoked Parents section above. Implementing Change in Your House Follow the normal course for becoming a doer of the Word. Consider the truths of the Word and how they pertain to you and your family (1 Peter 2.1-3, James ). Work with your spouse to evaluate how to become doers of the Word in your setting. Get help in refining your conclusions from a pastor, elder or biblical counselor who understands the Word well. Make a general plan to be followed. Confess your past sins and turn to a course of obedience to what you now understand from the Word (Psalm ). Be confident in the forgiveness and cleansing from the Lord (1 John 1.9). Explain your past actions in light of the Word and ask the forgiveness 561

20 of your children. Show them from the Word the direction the family will now be going. Explain the changes and the responsibilities for each person. Ask for their response. Answer any questions. Discuss any ideas and input they may have. Pray together and commit your way as a group to live the truths of the Word. >>>>Practical Tools to Help You For all studies on parenting in this syllabus, the Hope From God s Word study (Theology of Counseling course, semester one, week 10) provides essential hope for parents and children. 562

21 PARENTING: OBEDIENCE JOURNAL FOR CHILDREN Scripture to Memorize Ephesians 6:1-3 Hebrews 4:15-16 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. 1 John 5:1-4 Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and whoever loves the Father loves the child born of Him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome. For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world our faith. 2 Chronicles 16:9a For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. The circumstances: Today s Most Important Opportunity to Obey My Parents What was communicated (today or previously) by my parents about these 563

22 circumstances: What I thought: What I felt: (Option #1) To obey my parents, I would: (Option #2) If I needed more information or my parents didn t have all the relevant information from me, the questions to ask or words to speak in a God-honoring way would be: (Option #3) To disobey my parents, I would: What Scriptures best address this decision: What I chose to do: What I hoped would happen when I did that (why I did it): What happened after I did what I chose to do: Prayer If you sinned: Confess sin to God and repent (1 John 1:9) Confess sin to parents and ask forgiveness (James 5:16) OR If you obeyed God: Give thanks to God for His answer to your prayer for help (Galatians 2:20, Philippians 1:20) 564