Rural Youth Ministry Thrive Where You re Planted Brent Lacy. group.com simplyyouthministry.com

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2 Rural Youth Ministry Thrive Where You re Planted 2012 Brent Lacy group.com simplyyouthministry.com All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission from the publisher, except where noted in the text and in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, visit group.com/customer-support/permissions. Credits Author: Brent Lacy Executive Developer: Nadim Najm Chief Creative Officer: Joani Schultz Copy Editor: Rob Cunningham Cover Art and Production: Veronica Preston Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture notations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV ). Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. ISBN Printed in the U.S.A.

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5 CONTENTS Foreword... i Chapter 1: My Story...1 Chapter 2: Thriving in Rural Youth Ministry (Stop, Look, Listen, and Learn)...9 Chapter 3: Building Relationships in the Slow Cooker, Not the Microwave...19 Chapter 4: Avoiding the Crossfire (Surviving Church Politics)...27 Chapter 5: County Fairs and Festivals Are Good for More Than Funnel Cakes...33 Chapter 6: Harvest the Fields (A Missional Look at Rural School Districts)...43 Chapter 7: You Are Alone Only If You Choose to Be

6 Chapter 8: How to Make Use of Technology in a Rural Ministry Context...61 Chapter 9: What Do You Know? You re Just a Transplant! (Adjusting to a New Church or Community)...83 Chapter 10: Closing Thoughts...93

7 Foreword When Brent first asked me to write the forward for this book, I hesitated a bit. After all, what did I know about rural youth ministry? At first glance, the fact that my last name is Stier (pronounced STEER ) is the closest I come to identifying with farmers, ranchers, and smalltown living. My story was framed in the shadow of skyscrapers, not grain silos. I was raised in the inner part of the inner city of Denver and have since stretched my wings to the burbs. The only times I engage in rural ministry is when I drive through Nebraska and stop to fill up on gas, beef jerky, and Diet Dr. Pepper. If I have a brief spiritual conversation with the cashier (and the cashier happens to be a teenager), then, boom, there s my rural youth ministry experience. Not too impressive. But before I could tell Brent no, my mind drifted back to a summer-long experience I d had while immersed in a rural area. Somehow, when I was a teenager, I got talked into going to Perryton, Texas, for a summer of custom hay hauling with some buddies. They i

8 promised good money and good times. I accepted their offer, having no idea what I was getting myself into. The work involved traveling from farm to farm on a diesel flat-bed truck, loading the truck by hand with countless hay bales, and then unloading it somewhere else under the hot Texas sun. It was hard, backbreaking work, but it gave me a gritty taste of what work was like in the real world. But this new real world was unreal to me. In Perryton, Texas, teenagers cruised main street on Friday night for fun. Guys were looking for girls and hankerin for a fight. I felt like I was on a different planet, and it took all summer for me to adjust. It s this singular memory that convinced me I could write this forward. Although I still don t know jack about rural youth ministry, I had experienced the shock of spending a summer in a real rural setting. Suffice it to say that if I were preparing to minister in a rural setting today, I would need a guidebook to help me adjust. Rural Youth Ministry would be my guidebook. Writing with a sense of urgency, humility, and mission, Brent Lacy gives a crash course on navigating the trickier-than-you-might-think world of rural youth ii

9 ministry. I ve known Brent for years now through his attendance at Dare 2 Share conferences. Over those years I ve come to appreciate his relentless focus on reaching as many rural teenagers as possible with the gospel of Jesus. You will find this book encouraging, strategic, and downright practical. If you drink it in slowly, you ll walk away from it refreshed and ready to do rural youth ministry in a way that makes a maximum impact for the kingdom of God. Greg Stier City Slicker and Current President of Dare 2 Share Ministries iii

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11 CHAPTER 1: MY STORY 1

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13 It s remarkable how God has a distinct plan to use each of us in accomplishing his plan to reach this world. That has certainly been true in my life, when it comes to rural life and rural youth ministry. I was the third child born to a coal miner and a stay-athome mom who lived on a cattle and grain farm. If you could raise it for money, we tried. At the peak, we were farming about 700 acres of corn, soybeans, and wheat. We also had a little over 70 head of cattle for breeding or market sale. We were never what I saw as poor growing up. We had lean times with bad droughts, layoffs at the mine, and other hardships, but we never missed meals. We were taught to work hard, and we did. And along the way, these rural roots and my time in rural ministry have shaped my life. I ve witnessed ministry in rural settings My mom and dad were both very committed Christians who worked hard to see that their children and others got to meet Christ. At a time when church revitalization was not a regular practice, my parents would go help small and struggling churches start or restart their Sunday school programs for children. Once my 3

14 parents were even part of starting a congregation s bus ministry. Church involvement was part of the DNA of our family. As I was growing up, both of my parents taught in children s classes for as long as I can remember, so it was fitting that the Sunday school teacher in the preschool class did a lot to help lead me to the decision to follow Christ. On a Sunday morning in April 1985, we had a revival speaker named Don Short (who, despite his last name, was probably 6 2 or so) preaching that morning. He explained the Romans Road in a way that even I as a 5-year-old could understand. My life and eternity changed that morning. Rural youth ministry helped define my teenage years I was involved in the youth ministry of our local church as a teenager during the era of youth ministries being led largely by volunteer leaders but this also was the era of Chubby Bunny and Honey, if you love me, you ll smile (in my mind, two of the worst things to ever happen to youth ministry). I was a teenager that didn t fit a lot of the predesigned cliques in my school, so I was kind of out by myself, even in youth group. 4

15 We had things going on that should never happen in any youth group and I wanted out. If I d been a bit more rebellious, I might have simply walked away from church. My parents allowed me to attend another church with some friends from school, a visit that changed my view of youth ministry forever. I met Debbie, the mother of a couple of students at that church. She helped everyone feel loved and welcome, no matter the teenager s family, clique, or attire. She was a volunteer who was everything good about rural youth ministry. Today, even though her children are grown and married, and she is now a grandmother, Debbie still works to help students pursue a Christ-centered life. She has had a huge impact on how and why I do youth ministry. Her heart for ministry and for teenagers continues to impact how and why I do youth ministry. I ve experienced life s ups and downs At the mature age of 19, I thought I had the world figured out and knew how I was going to conquer it. I had been offered a position contracting information technology services to large companies at the height of the Y2K scare. I had more money at my disposal 5

16 than I should have ever been allowed to touch. I could have resumed my college work and finished debt free, but I really wanted that cool brand-new truck particularly because I had just met a cute redhead that I really wanted to date. (On the upside, that cute redhead is now my beautiful wife of 10 years and mother of three awesome kids!) During the time on the road, I became miserable. I was working more than 90 hours each week, finishing each week completely exhausted. I hit the end of my rope. In time spent with God searching for my real purpose in life, God revealed his plan. It was a plan that involved reaching students that were like me, teenagers on the edge of walking away from church. I told God that if his plan meant me walking away from information technology, his plan was better than mine. In 2002, I was blessed to marry Elayna, and I moved to join her in Bolivar, Missouri, at Southwest Baptist University, where she was already a student. Married life got off to a rough start. While still on our honeymoon, we found out her parents business was going bankrupt. And the week after spring break in March 2003, my father committed suicide after a sixyear affair came to light, throwing away 37 years of 6

17 marriage. A few months later, a miscarriage rocked our world. Elayna and I were also working as much as we could while carrying full course loads to finish college. I was also working as the youth minister at a small rural church in the area. Fortunately, things did get better. Her parents recovered and managed to keep their house. Our oldest son was born in August My mother got remarried to a great Christian man who takes great care of her. Elayna and I both graduated with honors: Elayna in 2003, and I finally finished in I ve served in rural youth ministries In 2001, I accepted my first youth ministry position, starting with a youth group of two brothers in a church of 20 people. The oldest brother is now married and in ministry himself. We were able to reach a group of kids in that small town. After college, I accepted a position as a child abuse investigator for the state of Missouri while still keeping my youth ministry position. It was a very stressful job, but I often thank God for what I learned while there about recognizing normal and abnormal family 7

18 dynamics, dealing with child safety, and interacting with the public sector. In 2006, God provided our family a full-time youth ministry position near Kansas City, Missouri. I had the opportunity to learn much about working with other churches in the community to reach at-risk teenagers. I also learned about working with stakeholders in the community to impact teenagers in a positive way. We also celebrated the births of our other two children. In 2009, we left the Kansas City area to come to Rockville, Indiana, a community of about 2,600 people (new.rockvilleindiana.org). I was called as the first paid youth worker in a church that s more than 120 years old. Working with other churches in the community, we have been able to see many successful outreaches in our county, as well as building great relationships with the local school districts. We have seen many blessings here and look forward to many more in the future. So I m no stranger to the realities of rural youth ministry the joys, the challenges, the rewards, the heartaches. It s an amazing adventure. 8