Marriage and Family. Lesson 14

Transcription

1 Lesson 14 Marriage and Family MAIN IDEAS: > Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. > Marriage is God s unique design to display the complementary roles of men and women most fully. > Marriage is a picture of Jesus' amazing loving and faithful relationship with His people, the church, in which His people joyfully submit to and follow Him. > Marriage is God's design for the wonderful gift and responsibility of having and training children to be followers of Jesus. > Children are to honor and obey the instruction of their parents. SCRIPTURE: 1. Matthew 19: Ephesians 5:22-25, Psalm 78: Proverbs 1:8 5. Ephesians 6:1-2 FROM THE VISUALS DVD: > PowerPoint Slides for Lesson 14 > Article Excerpt handout (one per small group) > Parent Memo for Lesson 14 (one per student) OTHER VISUALS: > Bible > Name brand candy or treat 135

2 Marriage and Family (DISPLAY LESSON 14.) Small Group Discussion (5-7 minutes) (DISPLAY DISCUSSION.) ARTICLE EXCERPT (ONE PER SMALL GROUP) Choose a student to read the following portions of an opinion article titled "The Traditional Family is Dead, and That's Good Reason to Rejoice": 1 Back in the traditional family, the man was king, and the wife was his servant. Gender roles have changed, though, giving more and more liberation to the female, allowing her to make her own choices instead of being a puppet. Sure, this may be corrosive [destructive] to the family unit, but doesn't everyone deserve the right to have others respect their ideas? Divorce is also liberation from what may be a damaged or a potentially harmful marriage No longer can the commanding fi gure of the father glue the family together in a king's court fashion. This newfound autonomy is actually a boon to the individual, and should be respected as such. Face it, a new traditional family is arising, and with that we must change our views to accept it. How does this author defi ne what he refers to as the traditional family? When you think of a family, do you think of a king-like dad and a servant mom, who acts like a puppet? Where does your view come from? If the view in the article truly describes a traditional family, would it be a good or bad thing? Why? The author admits that more liberation for women might be corrosive [destructive] to the family but comments that, doesn't everyone deserve the right to have others respect their ideas? Do you recall any worldview that expresses truth as being subjective and relative like this? [postmodernism] Overall, do you like the way the author seems to view the death of what he calls the traditional family? Why or why not? Do you think his vision of a new kind of traditional family would be a good thing for our culture? Why or why not? In their journal, ask the students to write a simple defi nition of marriage and family. Is their defi nition different in any way from the one in the article? In what way? Explain to the students that what is most important is not whether or not we understand family from a traditional or nontraditional perspective, but what the Bible has to say about marriage and family. We need to evaluate both views in light of Scripture in order to come to a biblical understanding. 1. Soma, Jonathan. The Traditional Family is Dead, and That's Good Reason to Rejoice. Fredricksburg Free Lance Star, August 30, < FLS/2001/082001/ /367300/index_html> (accessed June 21, 2010). Large Group Lesson CANDY OR TREAT (Display candy or treat.) Briefl y describe it in a manner that is false, and therefore unappealing, such as: Suppose I tell you that this chocolate candy bar tastes awful. It is sour when you fi rst bite into it, and tastes like soured milk. It leaves that rotten taste in your mouth all day long. If the students based their decision on whether or not they wanted the candy only on your description of it, how many would want to eat it? But were you giving them a true 136

3 Lesson 14 description? How many of them have eaten this type of candy? This illustration can help us understand the viewpoint of the article that was read about the traditional family. The author gave a description of marriage and family that was very negative: a king-like dad with a servant mom who acts like a puppet. Just as a bad testimony about a candy bar could discourage you from trying one, the negative views of marriage that our culture presents could also discourage you from seeing God s good design in marriage. In the past 50 years, there has been a great change in our culture regarding marriage and family. Much of this change has come about through a wrong understanding of what marriage and family are to be. But at the heart of the issue is still the same problem. (DISPLAY WORLDVIEWS.) EBefore we learn and examine what these lies are, we must fi rst look at the truth, since God's truth is the standard and measure we must use for examining everything in life. (DISPLAY MATTHEW 19:4-6.) Have the students turn to Matthew 19:4-6. Choose a student to read the text, and direct the students to follow along with the questions about this text in the journal: Matthew 19:4-6 He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Briefly look at verses 1-3 to understand the context of verses 4-6. Who is speaking in verses 4-6? [Jesus] What important question is He addressing? [the question of divorce] Let's look carefully at Jesus' answer for two things. First, what specifi c people are to get married and second, how long is marriage to last? According to the verses, who is to get married what people are involved? [a male and a female, joining together as husband and wife] From the beginning of time, God has designed marriage to be between a man and a woman. This can be seen in the very fi rst marriage in human history: Adam and Eve. According to the verses, how long is marriage between a man and a woman intended to last? Look at the last words of verse 6. What did Jesus mean by this? [Marriage is to last 137

4 Marriage and Family a lifetime.] (DISPLAY TRUTH 1.) 1. Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. (Matthew 19:4-6) Next, let's look at what is unique about the marriage relationship. (DISPLAY EPHESIANS 5.) Have the students turn to Ephesians 5:22-25, Choose student/s to read the text, and direct the students to follow along with the questions related to the text in the journal: Ephesians 5:22-25, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. According to these verses, do the husband and wife have the same roles in the marriage? Keeping in mind our recent discussions about manhood and womanhood, how would you characterize the role of the husband? [leader, provider, protector] Who is he to pattern himself after? How would you characterize the role of the wife? [to nurture, submit, and help] Who is she to pattern herself after? Did God just assign these roles arbitrarily? What are they to give us a picture of? Is this to be a wonderfully appealing description, or one of a demanding king-like husband and a puppet wife? Explain that Christ loved the church and sacrifi ced His own life for her! This is hardly a domineering king-like authority fi gure who treats people like puppets. Rather, Jesus relationship to the church is one of love, sacrifi ce, and faithful commitment. Recall that God created men and women in His own image and likeness. Men and women are of equal value and worth. But God also designed us to be distinctly different in order that we would have different primary roles: 138

5 Lesson 14 (DISPLAY GOD S DESIGN.) God has design each man to be a servant-like leader, provider and protector. God has designed each woman to be a willingly submissive helper and nurturer. When these roles are understood and expressed as God intended, it is wonderful, exciting, and delightful. Encourage the students to be on the lookout for godly marriages within their families and church. While no marriage is perfect due to sinful human nature, these marriages do refl ect a level of faithfulness, joy, and commitment that helps us see a glimpse of God s good design in marriage. If possible, give a brief, appropriate personal illustration from your own marriage and family of the goodness of God s design in marriage. The verses in Ephesians bring to light three more important truths about marriage: (DISPLAY TRUTHS 2 AND 3.) 1. Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. 2. Marriage is God s unique design to display the complementary roles of men and women most fully. 3. Marriage is a picture of Jesus' amazing loving and faithful relationship with His people, the church, in which His people joyfully submit to and follow Him. (DISPLAY AND READ JOHN PIPER QUOTE.) Here is how Pastor John Piper has described this last truth: The main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. In other words, marriage was designed by God most deeply, most importantly, to be a parable or a drama of the way Christ loves his church and the way the church loves and follows Christ. This is the most important thing for all husbands and wives to know about the meaning of their marriage Piper, John. "Marriage Is Meant for Making Children Disciples of Jesus, Part 1." (Sermon delivered on June 10, 2007). < > (accessed June 21, 2010). 139

6 Marriage and Family Small Group Discussion (5-7 minutes) Have the students turn to the Truth and Lies chart in their journal. On one side of the chart are the three truths about marriage we ve discussed in class. On the other side of the chart, titled Lies of Satan, have the students discuss and record how Satan lies and skews each of the three truths, and how those lies are then believed and expressed in our culture. For example: Truth 1 is that marriage is to be between a man and a woman. Do all people believe this as objective, absolute, universal, and unchanging truth? How have we seen the lies of Satan expressed in our culture? [e.g., the growing acceptance and push for laws that redefi ne marriage so men can marry men and women can marry women] Truth 2 is that marriage is to last a lifetime. Do all marriages last a lifetime? How does our culture view divorce, as something ordinary and expected, or as something rare and tragic? 3 What kinds of lies might Satan present to make divorce seem more appealing than staying married? [e.g., you'll be more happy and fulfi lled, have more freedom, etc.] Truth 3 is that marriage is mainly a picture of Christ's love and faithfulness to His people and their joyful submission to Him. Do most people see that as the main reason for marriage? What do you think many people see as the main reason for marriage? [e.g., two people loving one another, living together, having children, etc.] How has this view led some people to justify divorce and same-sex marriage? [e.g., marriage is mainly about love, so when the love stops, the marriage should stop; because love is the main thing, it doesn't matter if it is a man and a woman, and can be a man with a man] 3. Please take great care in talking about divorce. Most likely, your group of students will include one who has been personally affected by divorce. The students do need to know that the Bible does recognize that there are certain parameters in which separation is biblically permissible, but it is never God's intended design for marriage as Jesus' response in Matthew 19 indicates. Large Group Lesson The three truths about marriage we ve studied thus far are very important, as they serve to direct our attention to the fourth truth. Whether or not you understand and embrace these three truths will directly impact our culture, society, and even the whole world. What is the fourth truth? Here is a clue: (DISPLAY NEST.) What are nests for? Are they a natural part of the life of a bird? Yes, birds were designed to reproduce and have baby birds. And birds instinctively will build a type of nest in order to properly protect and rear their young. Marriage is like a nest, uniquely designed by God. Marriage is the means through which humans are to reproduce through having children. Marriage is like a nest in that it serves as a proper place for the training of children: a husband and wife working together in their God-designed roles to lead, provide, protect, and nurture their children. And, that training is designed to have a very specifi c goal. 140

7 Lesson 14 Ask the students to turn to Psalm 78:5-7. Psalm 78:5-7 He [God] established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments. What is to be the main aim of parents as they rear their children? Look carefully at verse 7. [that their children might put their hope in God and obey His commands] What does it mean for a child to put his hope in God? [to put his hope in Jesus for his salvation; To respond to the Gospel in belief and trust] Children are a wonderful gift from God (Psalm 127:3), and God has uniquely designed marriage with its distinct roles in order that parents might properly lead and nurture their children in the hope that they would someday come to trust and follow Jesus. (DISPLAY TRUTH 4.) 1. Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. 2. Marriage is God s unique design to display the complementary roles of men and women most fully. 3. Marriage is a picture of Jesus' amazing loving and faithful relationship with His people, the church, in which His people joyfully submit and follow Him. 4. Marriage is God's design for the wonderful gift and responsibility of having and training children to be followers of Jesus. (Direct students to complete this truth statement in the journal.) (DISPLAY SIX QUESTIONS.) 1. How did we get here? 2. Why do we exist? 3. What is wrong with the world? 4. What is the solution? 5. What will happen when we die? 6. How now should we live? These are the most important questions that all people must ask. And the only true answers to these questions are found in the Bible. God has designed marriage and the resulting family to be the fi rst and primary place in which the truth is taught to the next 141

8 Marriage and Family generation. Parents are to love and train their children in the truth of the Bible. God designed marriage as a means for making and multiplying Christians having children who will grow up to know, love, trust, and obey Jesus. As young people, do you believe you, too, have a unique role in your family, just as your father and mother do? What do you think it might be? Can you think of one or two verses that state the truth? [Allow a few brief responses.] (Quickly display and read PROVERBS 1:8 and EPHESIANS 6:1-2, and direct the students to the related summary question in the journal.) Proverbs 1:8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching. Ephesians 6:1-2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise). There are many views about what marriage is and what a family is, and how children are to relate to their parents. Some of these views state that marriage can be anything you want it to be. Some views state that fathers and mothers should have the exact same roles in the family. Some views state that dads aren t important for leading the family. Some views state that children aren t important, that children shouldn t listen to their parents instruction, or that children and parents are equals. But these views are all lies. Only the Bible tells the truth about God s design and intention for marriage, parents, and children. God's truth, when rightly understood and enjoyed, is a wonderful gift for husbands, wives, and children. And where marriage and family is expressed as closely as possible to God's intended design, all society benefi ts from it, demonstrating again that God's word proves true. Small Group Application The following examples are possible discussions for the small group application time. Select the topics that are most applicable to your group. (See Introduction for more information.) 142 Truth Statement: A Christian view of marriage comes from Scripture, not from our own feelings about marriage or experiences with it. Think About It: Have the students quickly look at the defi nition they wrote out in the journal in the fi rst small group discussion time. Then quickly review the four key truths about marriage that were presented in the lesson. How does their initial defi nition compare to what was revealed in the Bible? Were there any contradictions, or was it simply incomplete?

9 Lesson 14 Examine Your Heart: When you look ahead toward the future, do you see marriage as something appealing or something to be avoided? If it looks appealing, what appeals to you? Are you trusting God with your future in this area? If marriage feels like something to be avoided, are you trusting God s good design for marriage? What is causing that struggle, and will you ask God to change your heart? How can you submit this area of your life to God and to His perfect wisdom? If possible, from your own experience or pointing to others, give the students an example of the wonderful appeal and benefi ts of a marriage understood and lived out as God intended. Live It: Pray together with your small group that God will grant you the grace to both understand and admire His design for marriage. Truth Statement: God s truth about marriage is unchanging. Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. Think About It: Point out that in the United States there is a major debate about how society should view marriage. Some states now have laws that recognize same-sex marriage a man can marry a man and a woman can marry a woman. Does that mean these people are truly married? Do man s laws change God s law? (See Psalm 33:11 and Isaiah 40:8.) How should Christians respond to these challenges? Are there arguments for a biblical view of marriage that even unbelievers would fi nd convincing? What might these be? [Since the beginning of history, almost every culture, religion, society and government has only recognized and encouraged marriage between a man and a woman. This is a demonstration of God's common grace in the world, as God's design and intention for marriage benefi ts the whole society, and not just Christians.] How do marriages in which a husband and wife rightly express their God-given roles especially in regard to children, benefi t all of society? (You may want to even give an example of unbelieving parents, who have a loving and faithful marriage, and train children who grow up to be law abiding and productive members of society.) Examine Your Heart: Do you ever feel embarrassed about going against the culture s tide in order to explain a biblical view of marriage to others? Are you ashamed of the truth, or do you simply fi nd it hard to explain to others? Did thinking through the benefi ts of God s design for marriage that even nonchristian families could enjoy help you to think of ways to explain it or defend it better? Live It: Pray with your small group for opportunities to explain your beliefs about marriage to someone this week. Pray for boldness and humility in sharing God s truth with others. Truth Statement: Marriage is God s unique design to display the complimentary roles of men and women most fully. Marriage is a picture of Jesus amazing loving and faithful relationship with His people, the church, in which His people joyfully submit to and follow Him. 143

10 Marriage and Family Think About It: Read and discuss the specifi c roles of husbands and wives found in Ephesians 5: How do these roles complement one another? How do these roles serve to show the world the kind of relationship that Jesus has with His people? Why is it so important that this relationship in marriage last for a lifetime? (Does Jesus ever break His promise to love and commit Himself to His people?) Is this the way we always see marriage lived out in the world? Why not? What sometimes happens? (Be very sensitive to your students here, especially those who come from families where parents are divorced. The children need to see and understand that divorce does happen we live in a fallen world. A divorced parent is not necessarily a bad parent and, by grace, may be doing a wonderful job in trying to fulfi ll the diffi cult responsibility of parenting alone. And even within marriage, there may be parents who fail to parent in the way God intends. Their parents are not perfect. But God s intention is that marriage between one man and one woman would last for a lifetime, and that Ephesians 5:22-29 and Ephesians 6:1-4 be lived out. Furthermore, whatever the measure of their own parents, God through His church provides us with examples to observe and follow. In the end, only the covenant-keeping love of Jesus for His church provides the perfect example of marriage.] Examine Your Heart: How do you see God s design for marriage being lived out in your family or in other families that you know? Have you ever thought that divorce was an acceptable option for a marriage? Why? Do you have any fears or concerns about God s design that you would like to share? How can you submit these to God? Live It: Pray with your small group that you would submit any concerns you have about God s design for marriage and for your future into His hands. As time permits, try to look up some Scriptures that can encourage you when you feel fearful about God s design for a lifelong commitment in marriage. Truth Statement: Marriage is God s design for the wonderful gift and responsibility of having and training children to be followers of Jesus. Think About It: Read and discuss 2 Timothy 1:5 and 2 Timothy 3: What role did Timothy s grandmother and mother serve in acquainting Timothy with the Bible? When did this begin? Notice that Timothy s father is not mentioned. Not everyone comes from a home with two parents; we live in a fallen world and God s design is not perfectly lived out in the world, but this needn t discourage us from learning about and pursuing God s design for marriage and family. (Be sensitive to the home lives of your different students. Offer suggestions for helping those from single-parent homes to respect and love their parent for attempting to fulfi ll both roles to the best of their ability.) (See Deuteronomy 6:5-7 and Proverbs 1:8.) Why is the family to be the foundation through which the truth of the Bible is passed on to children? [Children spend the most time at home, and their parents are primary infl uences in their life; God has designed them to meet your spiritual, emotional, and physical needs.] How is God s unique design for your fa- 144

11 Lesson 14 ther meant to meet your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs? How is God s unique design for your mother meant to meet your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs? Examine Your Heart: How do you respond to your parents as you see them doing this? Do you thank God for this gift in your life? Do you ever verbally thank your parents when you see them demonstrating godly marriage and parenting? Live It: Tell your parents this week how much you appreciate their love, care, and guidance in your life. Truth Statement: Children are to honor and obey the instruction of their parents. Think About It: Point out that God s intention for parents is that they speak and act in such a way that they represent what God is like to their children, even though very imperfectly! (See Ephesians 6:1-4.) What does it mean to honor your parents? Why is this important? How do you learn to honor God who you cannot see? Why is it so important to obey your parents? What is this meant to train you to do? Does verse 1 mean that you only obey when you think that your parents are being fair? Or when you feel like obeying? Examine Your Heart: On a scale of 1-10, how obedient are you toward your parents? Do you have a heart attitude of honor toward them? If not, why not? Live It: What steps this week could you take to make your part of the relationship with your parent/s better by honoring and obeying? Be specifi c. Give an example of how an act of obedience to your parents has resulted in things going well with you in the past. Does this encourage you to obey them now? Send Home Encourage students to apply one thing from the discussion to their lives this week. Try to follow up with them next week. Also, if time permits, ask them about how they applied one thing from last week s lesson. Parent Memo for Lesson

12 Lesson Your Word is Truth Lesson 14 Lesson 14 Did God design these roles arbitrarily? In Class What are these roles to give us a picture of? Marriage is Truth and Lies Chart For each TRUTH about marriage, give one or more examples of how that truth has been suppressed in our culture. Examine Matthew 19:4-6 by answering the following questions: Who is speaking in this text? Who designed marriage? The Truth The Lies of Satan 1. Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. What two specific people are involved in a marriage? How long is a marriage intended to last? Examine Ephesians 5:22-25 and by answering the following questions: Do husbands and wives have the same roles in the marriage? Who is the husband to pattern himself after? Who is the wife to pattern herself after? 2. Marriage is God s unique design to display the complementary roles of men and women most fully. 3. Marriage is a picture of Jesus' amazingly loving and faithful relationship with His people, the church, in which His people joyfully submit to and follow Him. 90 Your Word is Truth 2010 Jill Nelson, Published by Children Desiring God Your Word is Truth 2010 Jill Nelson, Published by Children Desiring God 91

13 Your Word is Truth Lesson 14 TRUTH # 4 ABOUT MARRIAGE: Marriage is God's design for the wonderful gift and Small Group Notes responsibility of having and training to be followers of. Summarize God's intention for children from Proverbs 1:8 and Ephesians 6:1-2: This week, I plan to apply the following truth to my life in this way: Lesson 14 Review Marriage and Family Main Ideas: > Marriage is God s design to join together one man and one woman in a unique lifetime commitment. > Marriage is God s unique design to display the complementary roles of men and women most fully. > Marriage is a picture of Jesus' amazingly loving and faithful relationship with His people, the church, in which His people joyfully submit to and follow Him. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise). EPHESIANS 6:2 > Marriage is God's design for the wonderful gift and responsibility of having and training children to be followers of Jesus. > Children are to honor and obey the instruction of their parents. 92 Your Word is Truth 2010 Jill Nelson, Published by Children Desiring God Your Word is Truth 2010 Jill Nelson, Published by Children Desiring God 93

14 Your Word is Truth Lesson 14 At Home With your parents, discuss the four truths about marriage and family presented in this lesson. Ask your parents to share the story of their courtship and marriage. How have they seen God's grace and goodness in their marriage? How has marriage helped them to better see and understand Jesus' love for His church? In what ways have they fallen short of this? How has God graciously shown His goodness and faithfulness in these circumstances? Word Search on Marriage Do a search on the word marriage in the book of Revelation on E-sword (free Bible software online: and see what other truth you can discover about marriage. To what marriage does every marriage ultimately point? (Note: if your parents are divorced, or if you have only one parent at home, ask your mentor or a couple that you know and respect at church these same questions. Encourage your parent by explaining that you understand he or she is trying to fulfi ll two roles at once in the home, and that you appreciate his or her efforts. You could ask your parent to tell you about God s faithfulness to him or her.) Read Revelation 19, and describe in your own words what this day will be like. Prayer Ideas for the Week: > Thank God for your parents and verbally express this gratitude to your parents. How does a godly marriage point people toward this day? > Ask that God would help your parents to grow in their marriage to better reflect Jesus' love for the church and the church's submission to Jesus. > Pray that the truth of God's intention for marriage would be expressed in our culture and the lies of Satan would be resisted. > Ask that God would work in your heart so that Ephesians 6:1-2 would become increasingly the desire of your heart, demonstrated daily in your actions. This week, be on the lookout for examples of marriages in which God's intention is rightly expressed. He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?" MATTHEW 19: Your Word is Truth 2010 Jill Nelson, Published by Children Desiring God Your Word is Truth 2010 Jill Nelson, Published by Children Desiring God 95