The 4 Season Of Marriage. Secrets to a Lasting Marriage

Transcription

1 The 4 Season Of Marriage Secrets to a Lasting Marriage A Book by Gary Chapman St. John s Assyrian EPC- Pastor Edward Eissabake- Summer 2014

2 Part Two (II) Seven Strategies to Enhance the Seasons of Your Marriage

3 Strategy 1 Deal With Past Failures

4 The couples who cannot forget the past failures and mistakes of self and their spouses, they need deal with the past before they can put the past behind. Otherwise, it keeps popping back! What does it mean to deal with it?

5 Three Steps of Dealing with the Past Failures Step 1: Iden%fying past failures Step 2: Confession and repentance Step 3: Forgiveness

6 Step 1: Iden%fying past failures Reminding failures, cri%cism, being %red of shortcomings and not forge<ng them is not iden%fying the failures. It always starts with self. Most of us can easily iden%fy and focus on our spouse s failures. Read MaAhew 7: 3-5. This is a biblical approach when cri%cism on the past failures exists.

7 Naturally we refuse to start with self, because: We believe the real problem is on the other side. As a Chris%an we MUST follow Jesus approach. Start with prayers and %me alone with God. Pray like Psalm 139: Review the %me of friendship and engagement before reviewing the marriage period. Br aware that we may not want to spend enough %me by saying, it s was%ng %me! or I already know the issues or I have done this before

8 As you pray and make your list, Satan will work on your mind as well. Satan does not want you to be honest! Remember Adam and Eve listened to Satan and started blaming each other when there was an failure. Satan will tell and teach you to defend yourself! Don t rush in conclusion! Take your %me to iden%fy the past failures. Maybe this step is the most difficult step.

9 Marriage Does not Operate Like a Vacuum! It affects Everyone Around You! When you make your list, don t just think alone! Ask your children what they have heard and seen. Ask your parents, your in- laws, your friends, and those who have been with you ask them to be totally honest with you. ExcepKons: when children are very young or the in- laws are already prejudice and can t be honest and neutral.

10 Do NOT Be Defensive When Iden%fying the Past Failures Otherwise, you will Stuck in the First Step and Your Judgment and Your Assessment will Be Wrong and Unhealthy

11 How to Make a List of Failures 1. Chronologically? (i.e. forge<ng the first anniversary) 2. SensiKvity? (flir%ng with a coworker in the office) Let each spouse write the list of the failures, start with I felt Exchange the list of spouses and let each spouse read the list of the other spouse form the heart of the writer.

12 The purpose of reading each other s list is to be aware of how each ac%on has hurt the other spouse! As each spouse read the list of his/her spouse, examine the list that each spouse has made! The process of iden%fying past failures takes %me and effort. Be serious and focused on it.

13 Step 2: Confession and Repentance Each spouse need to confess the failures to God (first) and then to each other. Each spouse MUST see the failures from God s eye and biblical point of view. So, use the Bible in reviewing your list. The word confession means I agree with. You MUST be agree with what the bible tells about the failures. We must agree with God that I have caused pain.

14 Repentance means to turn around and walk in the opposite direcbon. By repen%ng of your failures and the hurt you have caused your spouse, you are expressing to God your desire to behave differently in the future. You are asking for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you to love your spouse as God intends.

15 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 NASB) God is fully willing to forgive us and make the changes in us. When each spouse confessed and repented, the other spouse should not judge the sincerity of his/her spouse! God will deal with a dishonest spouse!

16 Step 3: Forgiveness In the Bible forgiveness is ALWAYS the Chris%an response to confession and repentance. If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him. (Luke 17:3) An unforgiving spirit is rebellion against God and must be confessed as sinful.

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18 Remember that Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision to make. We may not be able to forget, but we can forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that we will never remember or think about the failure. It does not mean that the memory won t be painful when we remember it.

19 Forgiveness means that we will no longer hold that failure or hurt against your spouse. As 1 Corinthians 13: 5 says, love keeps no record of wrongs. In other words, the case is closed, although has not been disappeared. We simply do NOT reopen the case and the claim. Forgiveness means that we don t bring up past failure. It means Jesus paid the price and He closed the case!

20 Strategy 1 applies for all four seasons, but those couples who live in winter or fall has more work to do than the other two seasons (Spring and Summer). Dealing with past is very hard for some couples, but the benefits of iden%fica%on, confession, repentance and forgiveness are so good.

21 The Benefits of Strategy 1 1. You will no longer fear the past because you have confessed your failures and have been forgiven. 2. Your marriage rela%onship will be deepened when you and your spouse experience true confession, repentance and forgiveness. Forgiveness makes possible the restora%on of your marriage rela%onship. 3. In forgiving others, you become more like Christ. In other words, dealing with past failures is a huge step toward spiritual maturity.