Finding Hope in a Past Full of Failures (January 13, 2013) Jerry Wragg Grace Immanuel Bible Church

Transcription

1 Sitting under the word of God we are encouraged, lifted up, and brought low all at the same time. Studying allows us to recognize that in the life s pursuit we have wasted opportunities through seasons and sometimes years and even decades. We look back at a trail of failure where we didn t pour ourselves into our families the way we should have. We have a bitter sweet tug-of-war in the Christian life. We experience hopefulness similar to: Philippians 2:3 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. But at the same time, we can experience great conviction and often a tremendous feeling of regret, because we didn t do what we were supposed to do. As a consequence, one can also spiral into self-pity and despondency. Let s examine how to deal with seasons of failure and regret. We must examine how to press on despite our baggage. There are Biblical principles to help the believer find hope in a past full of failures. Is there a truer verse than this? James 3:2a For we all stumble in many ways. Job agrees: Job 5:7 For man is born for trouble, as sparks fly upward. Failure is part of what we experience in life and it is no different in leading family relationships and family dynamics. In fact, Paul says in Romans 8, that we are groaning in this life. We groan in this life for our outside to match our inside regenerated heart. Romans 8:23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. We press forward, but we have to learn from failure, deal with it, and let God use it. That s the goal! We must encourage one another even if we have let some years go by. Perhaps, we were saved later in life and we made a mess of things in our former pagan life. And, maybe patterns from our former pagan life have been carried into our saved life and our weakness caused us to make a mess of things. Our life has not been simple because of those things, so how do we press on? On the following pages, we will examine the Biblical principles to work through a plan for dealing with failure. In this manuscript, a spotlight will focus on working through these things in relation to family life. First, let s examine Romans as we will look at some very familiar passages. In Romans 8, Paul just came out of a discussion in Romans 7 about the sad reality of sin and how it uses the standard of God and truth against us. In our pagan life, it doesn t matter if you were religious like Paul or without any religious upbringing. Before we get to Romans, you will recall what Paul said about himself when he was a Jew: Philippians 3:5-6 of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless. It didn t matter how long Paul wanted to obey or tried to obey with supreme intentions, because without the Spirit of God, he was powerless. Good intentions mean nothing without the cross. Self-atonement, cleaning up your life and earnest effort are all fruitless. But when the Spirit comes, Paul says in Romans 8:1, Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 1 P age

2 This verse encapsulates the first Biblical principle that we want to mull over and as we come face-to-face with the reality and consequences of our frail flesh. 1. Principle #1: Believe the grace of the Gospel You must go back to the grace of the gospel. There is no condemnation, even as Christ is working to root sin out of you. The Spirit of God is offended by it, but your sin, if you are in Christ, cannot condemn you. Your sin cannot come against the intimate peace with Christ that is born in the regenerated heart. Paul will say it this way: Philippians 1:6,.. He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Paul says at the very beginning of this verse, For I am confident of this very thing. Paul is sure of this promise of God; it is a sure thing! He is perfecting this work in the believer; to be transformed. Under this principle, there is a wonderful expression of grace through the priestly work of Christ. Hebrews 4:14-16 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. o Notice, Jesus knows what it feels like to face temptation and the guilt of sin, but without ever sinning. o Jesus knows what it feels like to bear the guilt of those failures. Jesus understands. Jesus has experienced everything we have ever experienced. o He has been tested, walking the path, tested in it, and He can sympathize. He took on guilt that He didn t deserve to get close to us. o We draw near with confidence to the throne to receive mercy and grace in the time of need. This is what it means to believe with faith in the gospel in the time of need. o When faced with failure, we believe in the gospel knowing Jesus can sympathize with us. Draw near to him. o Psalm 119:73 Your hands made me and fashioned me; Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments. You run to the Lord no matter what you have done. 2. Principle #2: Rest in the perfection of God s providence. Sometimes we rightly say, I wish I learned these things earlier. I was in a weak church. That is true for some of us. We are culpable and responsible. For thousands of reasons and in thousands of ways we exposed circumstances to our families, we exposed our families to other weak families, and we were trained /discipled by weak pastoral teachers. 2 P age

3 You didn t know what you didn t know. You stumbled along, perhaps over a number of years. And, your kids were exposed to this and now you look back with regret. You regret not being more faithful with what you did know. Or maybe, you were saved later in life and are thinking, I wish I was saved sooner, so that I didn t make all of those mistakes. You could be tempted to think, Lord, if you are sovereign in salvation, You could have rescued me sooner. Jesus answers that charge: Matthew 23:37 Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling. Christ calls everyone to believe and when you don t believe, you are stubborn; you are responsible. That s the testimony of scripture. Or, you may look at the consequences of your sin and say things like, I wish I had what those people have. This temptation to blame God for His timing or His ways is a dangerous path. It is a precipice or steep perilous cliff. Instead of asking why God wasn t doing anything or suggesting that God should have given you more favorable circumstances, we must ask, What was God doing through it? The testimony of scripture is clear. God is sovereign and through His providence He orders the universe and uses it all for His glory and my good. Mysteriously, while calling us to glory, He can use our sin for our good. That s marvelous and bizarre to the human mind. The past is our teacher as we reflect and meditate on it. God teaches us things like: o The grace of God. Without Him, we would have done much worse. o The deceitfulness of sin. God allows you to learn hard lessons sometimes. Psalm 32 teaches us that God would like to give us His sweet instruction and follow it, but sometimes we don t. He allows in your stubbornness to learn hard lessons. God allowed it often with the nation of Israel. This path brings you low --- God is genius in such things. o Trials rid us of pride. Something is in our hearts that God wants us to see. He wants us to feel the sting of it. With the sting, you can learn the dangers of sin. o Change always takes place in the present. What you did is a past reality. Change doesn t occur in the past. It occurs in the present and the future. We cannot rearrange the past. God wants you to remember what happened, so you can live better for Him in the present. God is not dangling the past over you in condemnation, but at the same time it is a teacher for us in the present and the future, so we may learn from it. 3 P age

4 3. Principle #3: Allow yourself to be humbled. In Evangelicalism today, people want teachers and churches to affirm them where they are, but the scriptures never do that. Scripture is always encouraging you to move from the present and into the future growing more in Christ likeness. Scripture always challenges you to press on. We exclaim, It is exhausting. Yes, it is, I hope so!! Studying this, you could look to Psalm 51. David is facing up to his sin. Saying to the Lord, You are just when you judge. Everything sinful in my pagan life and saved life are worthy of judgment. It is all worthy of Your offense, and I own it. Sometimes we are tempted to say, I did the best I could with what I had. Those words should never come from a Christian s mouth. The challenge is on the phrase, the best I could. Really? We are trying to say that we tried hard. Of course we did. But, a Christian allows himself to be humbled. Like in Luke 18, the story of the sinner and the publican. The sinner is praying for mercy and saying, I could have ruined anything, and the Lord was merciful on me, the sinner. Looking at James chapter 4, some may find these verses depressing, but it is meant to encourage humility. James 4:6-10 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you doubleminded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. o Good, we see battle language, resist the devil and he will flee. o Then verse 8, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. But, here is what you will have to pursue, clean hands, pure hearts, and single allegiance. o And you will have to see yourself as needy, see verse 9, Be miserable, mourn and weep. How would you like that to be the slogan for our church, come here, so we can mourn and weep? Is it a funeral? o You don t see this kind of encouragement from churches, but it is an encouragement to humble ourselves in the presence of the Lord. o If you are having a party and running around with a superficial view, some things are going to get past you, because you are proud. o Life is not lived at that level. You must have sobriety in your life. o This is not talking about being in morbid introspection like a monk in self-abuse. But be honest with the pride destroys our lives and understand that failure is a part of life that will be with us until we see Christ. o Own it, face it, embrace it and allow yourself to be brought low by it. 4 P age

5 o Why? Because the Lord will exalt you at the proper time after encouragement, teaching, and sanctifying work. The writer of Hebrews 12:5 says, My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; Don t regard discipline with little value. If you see failure in your family and your marriage, you definitely want to grow, but don t regard the learning and discipline from the Lord with little value. You want to own His discipline. The Lord only disciplines those He loves. Hebrews 12:10b, He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. Our tendency when we find a problem in our lives and marriages, we either crank up a human solution or fall into a pile a self-pity. Neither will increase the grace of God in our lives. Allow our lives to humble us. Stare at the mess and confess/agree with the Lord saying, Yes, this is my reality. Yes, I am like that. Yes, Lord, I did not pray. Yes, Lord thank you for the discipline and examples around me to soften my heart. Allow yourself to be humbled. 4. Principle #4: Worship God for exposing sin. Worshiping God for revealing sin allows us to have clarity. Apart from the Spirit s illumination, you will never be able to see what your problem is. The Psalmist says, Psalm 119:18 Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderful things from Your law. The psalmist is agreeing that it is the Lord who opens his eyes. He acknowledges that it is God that must open his eyes to understand the law. I am going to come with a humble heart and learn from the Lord. 1 Corinthians 2:15 says, we have the mind of Christ by His Spirit. When sin is exposed through a friend, discipler, a sermon or a confidant, don t tuck tail and hide. Raise your voice to God and praise thanking the Lord. Before, I was not able to see my sin, but now I keep Your word because I can recognize my sin and shortcomings. We have now seen four principles for finding hope in a past full of failures. You believe in the grace of the Gospel. You got saved when God wanted you to in His providence. You are progressing in your Christian life as God has grown you. You are now recognizing in a humble fashion your shortcomings. But you may look at others as being more useful and you feel useless to the Lord, because of the mess you have made in your past. It is true that the past is water under the bridge. But, you don t have to be on the sideline and useless because of your past. Sure, others have been more obedient and have done better. And, for them, there will be blessing and usefulness at a level that is commensurate to their obedience according to God s plan for them. You may 5 P age

6 be tempted to think that you have been so disobedient and that you will not be as useful as them. If you can go before the Lord and say, That s who I have been in my past. Thank you for showing it to me. Thank you for softening my heart so I can see it and own it. Thank you for humbling me in the fallout. Thank you for showing me things that I have to work on; sins that require correction for Your sake. When you do all of these things, God is going to take all of that failure, overpower it, overwhelm it, and fashion it in a new level of usefulness that you could have never imagined. The additional principles are on a more practical level and with more focus on the family. 5. Principle #5: Confess your sin to your family; to the ones whom you failed. Why do I need to do that? i. First, because you are leveling the field. You are saying to your spouse and your children, Like you I am a sinner. What I do is dishonoring the Lord and has an effect on our family. I had a responsibility and I didn t faithfully carry it out. I don t want to think that you are required to confess your frailties and I get to hide mine. I am a sinner like you. ii. Secondly, it makes you the object of prayer by the others in the family. Your spouse and your children pray for you. When you model confession, your children learn that you recognize failures as sin. You seek their forgiveness and enlist their prayers for you. Confessing to others sobers the mind for repentance and real change, not just temporary kinds of corrections. As a teenager sees a parent struggling and points out a returning pattern of sin, the whole family can gather and learn about repentance, forgiveness, and prayer. Each person can ask the other for more prayer and consideration in weaknesses. Admitted shortcomings by neglect or commission, and illustrating the consequences often, you can show how you wrongly taught your children. Now you have a platform to make changes and teach new things. Basically, you say, I have taught you wrong and with prayer and patience, I am making a change to teach you right. It sobers the mind for real change. Sometimes parents fail to tell children about shortcomings and failures, but instead start implementing changes and there is confusion about radical changes. There are missed opportunities for forgiveness and a complete family understanding. It also stirs compassion for the universal plight of the family. Maybe, kids will want to lash out in anger, but confessing openly will ultimately soften hearts as self-righteousness among us dies a natural death. 6 P age

7 6. Principle #6: Teach others from your well of consequences. Look at this, this is very exciting. Luke 22:31-32 (Jesus said), Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers. Satan was going to sift Peter like wheat and Jesus prayed for Peter, similar to how I pointed out in principle #5. Jesus prayed for Peter like family. Jesus knows Peter will fail, but at the end, see how Peter will turn or in other words repent from his sin failure. And, Jesus tells him to strengthen your brothers. This is amazing! Peter will have an opportunity to share how Satan s temptations can result in failure. He will be able to teach against sin with great vigor, because he fell in the temptation! Sometimes, you will be the person to teach out of a well of faithfulness and other times you will teach out of a great well of consequences. This profound truth puts God s glory on display. God can take a mess and makes him a teacher. What did David say in Psalm 51? Psalm 51:12-13 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners will be converted to You. That s an amazing truth beloved that God will allow you to be useful in helping others repent in their walk toward salvation. You put God s amazing work of saving sinners on display! Like Adam & Eve, I am sure that David would have been an amazing teacher and discipler from his well of sin consequences, after he was restored. One would have wished that his son, Solomon, would have gotten the lesson. David made mistakes. So have you, but teach others not to make the same mistakes. 7. Principle #7: Practice patience with new changes and directions as a family. When you have made mistakes and then become filled with truth, perhaps after a good church conference, you are going to want to make changes. You may want to turn everything on its head. Moving in a new direction with your family and admitting mistakes, requires an infusion of grace and patience with the change. This will test you, because we all want instantaneous growth, progress and new habits. Rarely does God move with such swift action. You stand in grace and pouring out a patience grace teaches your family that God makes the change and not you. The first step is admitting it and mapping out a new plan, but you must allow God to move in patient day by day practices. The echoes of the old patterns will be calling. 7 P age

8 Demanding instant change will make matters worse. God moves according to God s speed. Wasn t the Lord patient with you? How long was He longsuffering with your rebellion? 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. 8. Principle #8: Hope in God Psalm 43:5 Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God. Don t despair or be disturbed. You may in fact have a mess in your life, but hope in God for you shall again praise Him!!! He is the help of my countenance and He is my God --- this is so uplifting that He is a God that wants to lift us up in real hope. We must turn to him and not to despair! Your hope doesn t disappoint. You might have a family that is lost and the children are out of the house. We might want to go back and desire to relive our lives in selflessness instead of selfishness. Who would want to go before the Lord and say, I contributed to my child s dislike of God, because I was petty and selfish? No one wants to live with that on their shoulders, but indeed that is the reality sometimes. We sometimes make so many errors misrepresenting Him with our sin and hypocrisy that we may want to think they are not saved today because of something I did? Please be encouraged if today you are praying for an unbelieving child that is now an adult and their unbelief is now confirmed. I want to leave you with a few encouragements: If there is a clear line that can be traced back from your children to your misrepresentation of God, or your sin, or your leadership and/or hypocrisy, then just own it. Own your contribution to their unbelief. Acknowledge it. You are not at fault for their unbelief; they will be judged by themselves. Accept God s sovereign rule. God does not promise to save everyone. He is a saving God. He loves to save. He can save them, if He chooses. God knows all that it is required to save a sinner. It may take 20, 30, 40, 50, 60+ years until the soil is sufficiently softened for the Lord to save them. Are you willing to trust God in His plan for them? Sometimes it takes a tragedy. Sometimes it takes a lifetime of unbelief to soften the heart of your children. Know that God responds to the prayer of the faithful. James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. 8 P age

9 1 John 5:16 This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. o God promises to respond to your prayers. He promises to respond not with what you want, but with what will glorify Him. Line-up saving prayers for your children according to God s will and be confident to leave them there at His feet. Every time you pray for a believing child, it reminds you of what it took God to save you. You know how you rebelled and rejected for years. It takes God s grace to save. You cannot save anyone. John 12:35-36 So Jesus said to them, For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes. While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light. As long as there is breath in their lungs and as long as Jesus has not returned, there is still time for them to be saved. And, you are a light in this world amid a wicked and perverse generation, and He is shining through you. You can still pray for your kids and be a light for them. One Final Principle: God is always righteous. John 5:30 (Jesus said), I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. Don t imagine that if you are praying for an unsaved child that God is not just. God is using your unsaved child in your life, your family s life, in the other children s lives, God is encouraging prayer, and God is bringing you into a dependent relationship with Him. God is using you as a prayer warrior in your unsaved children s lives. And as long as there is air in their lungs, you can rejoice because all is not lost. Perhaps, you have buried a child or a parent who did not accept Christ. This side of glory, there is no greater agony that someone would reject their only hope in eternity. But, don t make it something sentimental and cheapen it. No one dies in their sin because God was unfair. No one goes into eternity because God was unjust or unrighteous. No one meeting the Lord will have a legitimate gripe. As someone once said, when we get to glory and if my child is rejecting Christ, I will be on Christ s side defending Him. If you messed up in your family, God knows it. Allow God to bring about new hope and new glory for Him. Amen. 9 P age