Take Action. Let s stop self- sabotage here. You can do it. Let s start the journey. Dr. Mary Starr Carter.

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2 Take Action Friends, today, choose to take control of your life. You are created for more. Write down your decision on this page, commit to living a life you are designed to live. Let s stop self- sabotage here. You can do it. Let s start the journey. Dr. Mary Starr Carter Copyright Dr. Mary Starr Carter, The Total Wellness Doc and Mom No part of this Listening Guide may be reproduced or copied. If you would like to use this guide with your team members, please write to info@starrhealth.com. Disclaimer: The information provided is a sharing of knowledge from our experience.

3 Dr. Mary: Hello everyone. This is Dr. Mary Starr, The Total Wellness Doc and Mom. Today, it s my privilege to bring to you this special program on success and self- sabotage. Because this is such an important topic, I am so grateful that we have not just an expert to speak about this topic, but a woman who has helped thousands recognize and overcome self- sabotage, Dr. Lavonne Atnip. For the past 38 years, Dr. Lavonne has helped individuals in their marriage, parenting, divorce recovery, addictions, with businesses and relationships. She has done this through individual counseling, seminars, retreats, teleconferences, and even in her syndicated television show that she ran with her husband five days a week for 11 ½ years. Dr. Lavonne walks her talk. She is not just any life coach or counselor. She has been married to her husband, Dr. Jack Atnip, for 53 years, I believe. They have 3 children, 12 grandchildren, 2 great- grandchildren (that may have increased lately), and they are also surrogate parents and grandparents to a large family. Their children and grandchildren are blessed and successful. I have to tell you that I have done my own personal coaching and mentorship with Dr. Lavonne. I met her through some business training over five years ago. In that

4 time, my marriage, my business, and my life have radically been improved, because of the skills that I learned and some of which you are going to learn today. My life really doesn t look the same. I have over two dozen of my personal friends and colleagues who also have been coached or been to her seminars or teleclasses. They have seen radical changes, and I see it in them. She is an amazing encourager and counselor. Her business is known as The Encouragement Center, because her work does exactly that, it brings hope and encouragement to those who need it. Please everyone welcome Dr. Lavonne Atnip. Hi, Dr. Lavonne. Hi, Dr. Mary. It is so exciting to me today to be online with you. I am looking forward to everyone who hears this to be encouraged, to be uplifted, and maybe even taken out of their old way of thinking and put into a new way of thinking about themselves. I am totally excited. I want to answer any questions that you have or any format that you set out for me today. We are going to believe that what we have to say will help multitudes of people. Thank you, Dr. Mary. Thank you. I know it s so exciting, because this topic of self- sabotage, it s insidious for those who don t even recognize that it is in their lives. Those of us who do recognize it, we wonder why do we do the things we do. First of all, why don t we talk about success and self- sabotage. What does that look like? Okay, thank you. Actually, what it looks like when we are struggling to reach for the top and go so far and then don t finish what we are doing. Then we fall all the way back again. This teeters on: How does a person see themselves? People can present themselves from a physical point of view nice hairstyle, nice clothes, nice speech, nice everything. However, they do not see themselves the way they should see themselves. Dr. Mary, these things can stimulate in us and start when we are a very young child, or they can come in when we are a youth or teenager. Many times, it can come in when we are in college or in a university or even after we have married, depending on the type of person that we are linked to in marriage and what type of disasters and downfalls we have. A lot of people think that it all stimulates from their childhood, which can and is the lion share or the majority of reasons. But really, Dr. Mary, it stems from how one sees themselves. We could say in your mind you carry what is known as a mind s eye picture of yourself. This is defined as the way you see yourself. Each day this mental picture is reinforced and embedded into one s mind. The mental pictures do 100% affect

5 ourselves in the negative or in the positive in the way we walk, the way we talk, and the way that we see things. As the Bible says in Proverbs 23:7; As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Dr. Mary, if we are thinking that we aren t going to make it; we re the worst; they ll never choose me, I can t do that. Well, guess what that is going to produce? It s going to produce that constant negative thing. Then we start and we sabotage. How we sabotage ourselves is what we think of ourselves. Out of that comes the sabotage. Absolutely. I remember one of the first times that I met you. We were at a business seminar. I was using the lady s room and there was this woman who said I just hate my hair. You were there, and you got after her about the words that she used. You told her how words are so powerful. So, it s not just what we are thinking, but what we think, we speak, right? What comes out of our heart comes out of our mouth as well. Right. She probably was told at a young age. Thank you for reminding me of that. I do remember that. We don t even know what we are saying about ourselves. Probably sometime in her lifetime, maybe at an early age, somebody might have said to her: You re not going to go out with your hair looking like that, are you? That plants the negative seed within one s person. They begin to think that no matter how good their hair looks, it s not qualified. So then, they speak that over themselves oh, I hate my hair or I hate my face or I hate this about me. That is stuck in the mind s eye. That is a major picture of how such simple words can sabotage our future and our success.

6 What a person says is what they are thinking in their mind. They don t know how, Dr. Mary, to eliminate the negative speech or thought patterns about themselves. Maybe if we have time, we are going to go into some deeper things that this kind of behavior produces. Let s leave a little time for that too. One of the things that I see in the field I work in, both in the health field with our clients, and then I work with a large group of associates in business. In health, common things like, women who lose a large amount of weight. Literally, many of them have said, I just get to this point and I sabotage myself. I start feeling very uncomfortable, and things of that nature. In business, we see people who have great success and they start being successful. Their lives change and their finances change. There are behaviors that they have and they stop doing what made them successful. Are those forms of self- sabotage? Do you agree with that? Am I interpreting that wrong? That is a good interpretation of that. I agree with that statement wholeheartedly. It s really about the perspective that we have of ourselves. I think that the first beginning is to change the perspective that we have about ourselves to begin to first like ourselves. If like yourself, you will take care of yourself. On the weight situation, Dr. Mary, many times here is how very subtly people can self- sabotage themselves on their weight loss program. Maybe they will really go at it for a whole week, and then they get on the scale. They say; look at this, I lost 3 pounds. If they don t start a good perspective right then on their thinking, guess what they will do? They will sabotage the few pounds that they just lost, because what happens now is subconsciously they give themselves permission to either overeat or have a dessert or slide away. Then they get on the scale in a few days, and say; Oh my gosh! I gained all that weight back. Then they get mad at themselves and speak death over themselves, I ll never get this done; I ll just keep going around and around in this circle. They are forgetting that when they lost their few pounds, instead of it giving them excitement and enthusiasm to continue, the self- sabotage comes in and gives them permission subconsciously to overeat, eat sweets, and put it all back on again.

7 Absolutely. Another thing that we see with that, talking about perspective, is that kind of perfectionist. I need to lose 2-3 pounds a week or I m not going to do it. They give themselves such high standards of perfection. That s a case we see too. I know one thing that has come in is specifically about relationships. One woman, now 57 years old, realized that in her previous marriage when she was in her 20 s and 30 s, she was very angry. This wonderful husband loved her, and was so adoring to her, but she sabotaged that relationship by being evil and mean and using words, because she did not love herself. Is that another example of how people are sabotaging themselves, because of how they feel about themselves? Yes, it is an attitude, whether it was picked up from her young years from her parents or somebody who they received rejection from. This presents feelings of resentment or behaviors that they resent things. This kind of a person can also self- sabotage us by in our mind s eye thinking, this, this, and this is going to happen that way. When it doesn t happen that way, total discouragement sets in and sometimes depression or it can be bitterness, resentment, the refusal to communicate, rebellion against authority, and ambivalence and distrust. When I use the word ambivalence, it s a state of having simultaneous conflicting feelings towards a person, a thing, or a set of circumstances. They can coexist. The coexisting is in opposition to the attitude. The feelings come in and they don t know

8 whether to love or to hate, not only that person or themselves. It can be something as easy as simultaneous contradicting attitudes or feelings such as attractions or reputations or repulsions versus attraction toward a person, an object, or actions. It s totally in opposition. It could be hot or cold, love or hate, or anything that is in direct differences. That makes a lot of sense. In relationships and marriages, when you have that person that is so loving one day and the next day doesn t even want to be in contact. I know in my own personal life I have that issue. It is what I was feeling about myself and what came out of me and my issues with others. It s very interesting. We have talked about what self- sabotage looks like and why we might self- sabotage. Do you want to add anything else on those two topics? Actually, I think we are going along good on the self- sabotage connecting with our attitudes and our reactions toward ourselves and toward others. The person who self- sabotage their future or their goals or their dreams or their relationships; the root to that one is the inability to accept love. Deep down inside they do not see themselves in that mind s eye I was talking about, they do not see themselves as being qualified to be loved. If you can t love yourself, you cannot love others, and you cannot allow others to love you. So, we will behave in a manner that says in our own mind s eye; see I told you, that person is a jerk or that person can t be trusted, when all along, Dr. Mary, we are doing things in our own behavior to cause this to transpire. In other words, we will do, say, act, or whatever to get a bad reaction from another person, and then we won t accept it as our responsibility. We will say, see I knew that person wasn t worth two cents, look how they treated me. In all actuality, it was the person who is trying to succeed sabotaging themselves. Let s say we go to an office meeting or to a gathering of some sort or a family unit, a dinner, or anything. If we do not like ourselves, we do not see ourselves the way Almighty God sees us as a special person, we will do things to start an argument, to start a fight, to start a behavior that causes the person that is starting it to get the blunt end of the stick and have a reason to get upset and march out. Not owning any of that themselves, but blaming everyone else for how they were treated. Yet, what they did is they took like a fishing pole, threw a line out there, and everybody in the family unit bit, and it came back to sting the person that threw the line out there.

9 Wow. Many of us have had those family gatherings, it may not be us, but we can pinpoint that person who has that kind of extreme. When you talk about the inability to accept love or feel qualified to be loved, a large portion of the group that I worked with for almost a decade of women, about 40% of them were obese. These women were obese and it wasn t necessarily what they were eating. When they shifted their eating, they lost maybe pounds and then they would seem to plateau. It was so interesting that when we got everything right nutritionally, physically, even to the point of exercise, it wasn t until they maybe even coached with you that got to those root issues of that self- love. What they thought was creating this external environment for them; it was creating this layer of fat. It wasn t what they ate. I find that so amazing, that truly we can sabotage ourselves to the point of that it is creating a physical reaction in our bodies. Absolutely. It produces chemistry from our soul, which is our mind, our will, and our emotions. Our emotions are what we feel like on the inside of us. Emotional results in the rejected person. When I have feelings of worthlessness; that is going to sink into my subconscious mind, my subconscious mind is going to produce chemistry or chemicals that seep into the physical body. This is the reason we hear things like, I m starving myself to death and I m gaining weight or no matter what I eat I m still not able to lose weight. That s because it generates from the emotions. As long as they have these feelings of worthlessness, this will drip chemistry into the physical body, and the physical body

10 will react or respond. If it s negative chemistry or negative chemicals, your body will react to that. If it is positive, it will react to that. Dr. Mary, when we learn to eliminate the negative; sometimes when I make that statement, I have clients that just break down and cry, and they say I don t know how to do that. It s true; they don t know how to do that. It all stimulates on what we actually believe about ourselves. That will determine our attitude about the whole being of person. It absolutely will. How about wishing we had never been born. What type of person wishes they had never been born? Someone who has been told, for example; you are worthless, you will never account to anything; you are just a creep, blah, blah, blah. This person inducts that into them their truth. Therefore, they will sabotage themselves until they come up out of that to prove that statement to be correct about them. I like to say this to some of my clients, Mary: Would you rather be a hummingbird that flies around looking for flowers with all kinds of nectar or would you rather be a vulture looking for rotten dead meat about yourself? A vulture seeks out through smell and fight. When they smell rotten meat, they go for it. Believe it or not, that s what results in a person who has a rejection syndrome disorder which will sabotage their own success. Let s talk about that rejection syndrome disorder. That has come up quite a bit in some of my personal relationships with friends. We ve talked about that. What is that? What does it look like in a person s life? Okay, thank you, Mary, for asking that. We all have had a certain measure of rejection in our life from small to medium to larger and then to severe rejection. When we reach that severe rejection or if we do not get healed from a little amount of rejection on up the pathway, then it does turn into a rejection syndrome. Then it turns into a disorder. In other words, there are all kinds of people out here that have got to have anti- anxiety pills, sleeping pills, a pill for everything, because they have reached a syndrome disorder. Usually, it is to do with rejection. I don t deserve to rest well, therefore, I need a sleeping pill. I don t deserve to get this or that.

11 I am sorry to say that many medical doctors in our culture today, if a person goes and says to them, I am just so upset, I can t sleep, I m not feeling good. The doctor doesn t have a degree or any experience in good counsel for this person to help them get out of that. What they do is give them sleeping pills and anti- anxiety pills. This is not the cure. This is only a cover up. It will continue to stay on the person. Dr. Mary, I also want to bring up that people who have a very large scale rejection syndrome disorder will also go into masochism. In other words, their emotional pain is so severe that they will begin to cut their bodies, because it s better for them to feel the pain of their physical body being cut than it is for them to continue to feel the emotional pain. Then you have things in your mind s eye where you are looking to be rescued; somebody please help me, nobody ever helps me, nobody cares about me. Then they get into this far fetched masochism of cutting their own physical body to find a resolve for the pain within their emotions. Success sabotage and rejection is all about our emotions. Dr. Jack and I have a saying that we adapted from a song back in the 40 s. It s called, eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive, and don t mess with Mr. In Between. To teach that is a big one. It is a song. When something negative comes up in our life, we say, we want to eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive, and let s don t mess with Mr. In Between. Those words are so powerful. That is awesome! You know I just had a new baby. Life can be a little bit stressful with lack of sleep and all that. When my husband and I feel really stressed we have

12 this new saying, we go to each other and give each other a big kiss, and it takes away all the negative and accentuates the positive, which our marriage in the strength of our marriage. Amen. That s a good word. You know that you have a wonderful husband, Dr. Mary. I do too. Many times a woman can go to their husband and they are just expressing their pain and laying it all out there. Then the husband tells them the wrong thing. Well, if you hadn t of done this or you deserve what you got ; instead of just putting his arms around his wife and saying, I know you re hurting and I don t even know what to do about that, but I know that the two of us will come together, and we will get on the other side of this. For every woman listening, that is such a resolve of your pain right then and there. There are not that many men who know how to do this. If you re not married and are a single woman, you may not have a father, a brother, an uncle, a grandparent, or a boyfriend that knows how to do this. I don t know if you ve read this article, Dr. Mary, but it s in a medical magazine that I get that tells about what they have discovered in blah, blah, blah. They are saying now that if a woman is in the hospital with any problem, if a man comes in, whether it s the doctor, the husband, the dad, a brother, a cousin, a minister comes in and holds their hand, instant healing begins to flow to the system. There are good chemicals that flow from the emotions down into the physical body. That is powerful. I know that when I was in chiropractic school we had research on hands. They would have a dummy hand, which was the temperature of a person, but it was not a person. The people would be blinded and they found that the actual physical hand on the person created and stimulated a healing reaction versus not. That is very interesting. That is another reason that I like chiropractic. When you are ministering chiropractic treatment, you have hands on. The Bible speaks of that, Dr. Mary. When we can lay hands and pray for healing, it ministers to the entire body, mind, emotion, and will. Let s tie that back. I think you just gave what I call a million dollar tip. Whether it s a woman or a man listening right now, we talked about eliminating the negative and accentuating the positive and don t mess with what s in between. Then I gave the

13 example of my husband and when we feel a lot of stress, we come together in that positive giving each other a kiss. We talked about feelings. When a woman is voicing, because that is what we do, we like to voice and talk about our issues and the things that go on. When we are saying that, just give that person a hug from the one who is trusted in our life, and just be there. Everything is going to be all right. It sounds so simple, I know if I m voicing a concern and my husband tries to fix it or tells me to say this, it just leads to frustration and can even lead me to tears, because I m upset already and he doesn t understand. So that is a very powerful thing. How does all this go back to self- sabotage? Marriage is a huge priority for so many of us. It comes before our businesses for most of us. It s a foundation. Marriage can be very healing for people. I think that is really key and obviously your expertise. We talked about what are some roots of self- sabotage. You said one of the main roots of why people sabotage in all areas of their lives usually deal with some sort of rejection, whether it s something as simple as someone saying something to them. Dr. Lavonne, I know this is personal, but I think that this can really help many people, would you share about your singing voice and what happened to you when you were young and about singing? Yes, I would be happy to do that, Dr. Mary. Thank you for asking. When I was in the 7 th grade, I wanted to sing in Glee Club in our school. I went and tried out for choir at Glee Club. The music teacher said, Oh no, you have the worst voice. You ll never be a singer. You cannot sing. You have a monotone voice. She just went on and on. You don t know how to carry a tune. You can t stay on key. However, I will let you be the curtain puller. I was devastated; totally devastated, because I loved music and loved to sing. Music brings in happiness; it ministers to the emotions. So, from that time on, I shut my mouth. I wouldn t let anybody sing, because I didn t want to be a detrimental issue to their ears. The only time I would sing is if I was in the shower or was in my automobile by the time I got a driver s license. I would sing in my own car by myself with the radio or whatever.

14 I wouldn t even sing in an atmosphere with people where anybody was around me that could hear my voice. What I would do was just mouth it, and I wouldn t let them hear my vocal cords. Years later, we were sitting in church in the second row, we were singing in congregational singing when I was about 48 years old. My husband, Dr. Jack, has an incredible voice. He is a soloist and is very good. Both of our children are excellent singers. The choir director heard him singing. He turned around and said, You will join the choir. We need you. Dr. Jack looked at him and said, I ll think about it. When Dr. Jack went in to meet with him personally, he said my wife and I don t do anything apart from each other. I want her to sing in the choir too, but if you ask her to sing in the choir, she will literally melt into the carpet. Just accept her the way she is. So, when Dr. Jack told me that I was going to start singing in the choir, I was like I am not. They put me in the alto section out on the very end where I couldn t hear anybody else singing. Of course, it didn t matter, because I wasn t going to sing. I just mouthed it and I would smile. Finally, I said to the Lord: Lord, if you want me up there to sing, you are definitely going to need to do something with my vocal chords, because you know how messed up they are. This was a source of rejection that I had carried for a long, long time, which kept me from being able to sing on key. I thought that I was the worst singer in the whole place. I wouldn t sing. They moved me over, so that I could stand right next to my husband. He was a last bass. I was the first soprano.

15 There was a wonderful lady God brought to stand next to me. She said I will teach you how to read music and how to sing on key. She would put her thumb up if I needed to go up higher and her thumb down if I needed to go down lower. I began through that to receive encouragement for what someone had snatched away from me in my earlier years. Then, Jack and I joined an organization and they wanted him to sing. He decided that he wanted me to sing with him. There was no way that I was going to do that. We had both of our children, Dr. Jack, and myself, form a little quartet. Therefore, I didn t have to sing too much. I sang in that choir for 10 years. I finally got the courage through my healing to step out, eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive, and I didn t mess with Mr. In Between. I began to sing my heart out. I became good enough to join in a quartet my children, my husband, and myself. It ended up that we went around to a lot of churches to put on skits and sang songs together. When my children grew up and got married, Dr. Jack wanted me to sing in a duet with just him and me. That was the testing point. I still had a little bit of confidence in him and my kids being with me. I did it. I began to sing in the duet with him. He began to give me small solo parts. The Lord God healed me, but only when I stepped out. I accepted that healing of who I really am. I began to see myself as having the ability to be successful and not sabotage myself. Wow. There are so many good points in that story. Thank you for sharing that one encounter of this adult figure telling you and your heart literally being broken at such a young age. Then years later, when you were 48, things changed for you. What I think is so interesting in that story is that it was 10 years of stepping out. I think so many times people think, how come I m not better. I have gone to this and I have forgiven myself and have done this, but how come I am not better? First, you have to take action. You stepped out in faith and courage. You got encouragement. You surrounded yourself with an environment of people who were encouraging you. That was another key thing there. In the beginning, you asked God. You didn t have the strength to step out, but you asked God for that strength. Am I getting that right, Dr. Lavonne?

16 Yes, that s right, Dr. Mary. I think that we can become more than a person by accepting the challenge to make the changes necessary. Accept the challenge. Eliminate defeat and weakness, which causes a person to give up. If we could all believe that as long as I am alive I want to live, I want to dream, and I want to expect. Make a decision and I would like everyone to come along side me and accept this that as long as I am alive I want to live, I want to dream, and I want to expect the best. Saboteurs expect the worst. We have got to change that. I ll tell you another example, Dr. Mary. There was a time in our lives when we had an enormous financial reversal. Instead of going into the dumps and feeling sorry for myself and think we d never come up out of that, what I did was I took my checkbook; let s say it only had $200 in there, I put a 10, in front of that. I looked at that every day, and it appeared in my mind s eye that I had $10,200 in there. Dr. Mary, I have to tell you that I began to live based on what I expected. It wasn t long; it was only a matter of a few years, that I had $10,200 in there. Did I erase my 10? No! I added a 2 on there and made it $20,200. I read the part in the Scripture that says; I am the head and not the tail, I am above and not beneath, I am the lender and not the borrower. Saboteurs never see themselves in that position. They must begin to change their attitude, their concepts, and their perspective about themselves. If they feel unworthy, it does not make them unworthy. They must say; No, this is a feeling because of some type of damage and I am going to get to the end of that through help. I am not worthless. I am worthy. I am worthy to receive everything that I want to have to live life. I want to live not just exist.

17 Dr. Mary, it is a decision. Is it easy? No, it isn t. It takes a lot of work. Accept the challenge. Get up! Move forward. If you get knocked back, get up, brush yourself off, and go for it. This is wonderful, because you have literally given steps to our listeners on where they need to start. I think all of us are self- saboteurs in some sense, but we don t have to stay that way in different areas of our lives. The first thing you said is that I am worthy to live. I love that. If you are alive and breathing, begin to live, breath, and expect the best not the worst. That is powerful. I think one of the questions that people send in and they say I wrote my affirmations or I did this. What you are saying is, it s not about writing affirmations or saying 100 times a day I am skinny ; it s really getting to the core and root. How important do you think it is that people understand their roots of self- sabotage? Thank you, Dr. Mary. Let me say it this way, once again the Bible says, take an ax to the root and pull it out. If we don t get the root pulled out, it s going to reappear. If you chop down a tree or you cut your grass or weeds, if you don t pull it out by the root, it will just shoot right back up again. It s the same thing with us. We can t just pretend its not there. We got to get to the root and pull it out. You and I have worked with 100 s and you 1,000 s of people. How come some people can get to that root and make the change and overnight have deliverance from their bad behavior or relationship or whatever; but for others, it takes a long time. It s a different set of circumstances. It depends on the depth of the emotional pain, and how strong we are or how strong we are not. In other words, some people s pain and hurt is so deep and so difficult that it s just like clawing their way up a wall with nothing to hang onto. Whereas others may have developed stepping stones to help them step up. It has to do with the personality, the person, the set of circumstances. Dr. Mary, there are people who have been hurt to the depth that they have adapted a victim mentality. They see themselves as a victim. So, their pain is twice as hurtful rather than someone who has come up out of victim mentality and made a decision

18 that No, I m going for the goal and if I get knocked down and get hurt, if I feel this pain, I m going to calm down, I m not going to react, I m going to respond to difficult set of feelings or circumstances, and that is it. I ve said to people cool down, chill out, get on the back burner, slow down a little bit. We live in a culture, Dr. Mary, of an instant everything. When they aren t instantly healed, then they begin to think the negative. I m not really healed. This is all a big farce. No, that is the enemy of our soul or our old thinking coming back in again. You need to nip that in the bud right then and there. Absolutely. We ve talked about that victim persona and that s their identity. They are not ready or willing to let go of that. That s exactly right. In fact, I had a client last month who wants her husband to come to Dr. Jack for counsel. He said quit pushing me; when I m ready, I ll go. I told her to just honor that.

19 Take your hands off of trying to fix him and concentrate on your own situation and move forward. Love him where he is. When he says things like that, you say to him; Okay, sure I can honor that. Then, let go. What is that? That is someone who feels the need to control. That is another issue, which you and I can cover at another time. That is someone who doesn t feel good about themselves and feels like they must control in order to feel good. Yes. One thing I want to talk about as a business leader. I know a lot of business leaders will be listening to this program too. Sometimes we can get into a bad pattern of trying to fix everyone or being more of a counselor versus a coach and a team leader. I think not only have you given some great points in here, but as a leader we have to understand that some will and some won t say, so what someone else is waiting now. It s not that we are being heartless to that, but rather than trying to do the work that you do, we have resources that we can send people to like First Steps to Success. That is the one you and I both love and encourage people to go to. Also, to get counseling with you, rather than us trying to be that person who points out people s roots. Sometimes it s obvious when you ve had all this counseling and you are at a place of success in your life and it comes through as a personal work that you ve done, it s easy to look at someone s life and say, I think this is it or that is it. That s not really our place to do, but rather to get the resources, which are counseling that you do. Before we end this call, I want to make sure that everyone knows how they can do that. We also did a great program last year too that people can find on the website called Break Free with Dr. Lavonne. In that program, we talked about everything from weight loss to addictions and physical disease to identifying what s keeping people in bondage. That s a great program. I think that is on special right now. People can listen to that. I believe it is about 90 minutes long. It helps people get back into business, but not being that person to do that, but giving the resources. Dr. Lavonne, before we end and before we review what we have gone over, is there anything else that you want to bring out or any points that you want to bring out in this call about self- sabotage? It s very meaty. We have given a lot of good points and even given some tips on how to overcome some of that. Is there anything else that you would like to add?

20 Thank you, Dr. Mary. There is one thing that I would like to say on being a business owner or a manager. The difference between a leader and a micromanager is a major difference. A leader can take their hands off and lead the person and lead them into referrals and resources. Whereas, a micromanager feels like that it s all about them getting the person squared away. I ll move on to say to each and every person out there, change your perspective by first liking yourself, which is what we started with today. Remember that you are the one that can take action. Goals are nothing without action. Do not be afraid to get started now. Just do it. If you hit the wall, get up and start over again. If you are a self- saboteur, you do need some further help. You make a decision of do I want to be the hummingbird that flies around to the beautiful flowers getting the nectar or do I want to be a vulture just looking for dead meat? You, yourself, anyone that might be listening to this, you are not dead meat and you are not a vulture. You are going through something in your life that desperately needs help. I want to take my hat off to Dr. Mary. She is excellent at what she does. She is good at what she does. She is a helper. I am very thankful that God Almighty actually put us in touch with each other. I think that was done through DJC events. Yes, absolutely at First Steps to Success. Wow, this has been so helpful, Dr. Lavonne. For those self- saboteurs who are thinking about it, maybe you just realized that, wow, I am self- sabotaging myself. I thought I had gotten through that. I just want to encourage you to get to an event that Dr. Lavonne is at to take advantage of the resources that she has put out there and get some counseling. I will tell you that it will be the best investment that you will make in your life. I just had someone write me on Facebook, a team member. I got to tell you Dr. Lavonne, that a couple months ago, she had written something and it was in a negative perspective. I used one of your things and wrote back to her. The funny thing is that I have seen a radical shift in her in the past few months and in her business as well.

21 I just found out that she has been coaching with you. That s just one example of the dozens of people that I know personally that coach with Dr. Lavonne. Get to a retreat with her and Dr. Jack. Their information and just spending an hour with them or listening to one of their recordings is so valuable. Again, you can find her Break Free teleclass, which is on special on our website at: It s also under Dr. Mary Audios & Classes Break Free Seminar with Dr. Lavonne. Take advantage of that special. Also, Dr. Lavonne, you have some private coaching. I know that it is a great opportunity to coach with you. How can people go about doing that? Thank you, Dr. Mary. They can call me on my office phone. If I m with a client, they can leave a message, and I will get back with them. The number there is: They can call anytime. As soon as I get the message and have a free minute, I will get back with them. That s wonderful. If there is anyone who wants to make an appointment with Dr. Lavonne, make sure that you call her. Thank you to Dr. Lavonne and all our listeners. I hope that you took good notes and go back and listen to it. I will tell you that I have listened to Dr. Lavonne s calls even years later and I pick up nuggets each and every time that I listen to it. Thank you again Dr. Lavonne. You have a great day. Thank you for having me. It was my pleasure. You have a great, awesome day too. Bye now.