9 Ways to Crowd Out Self-doubt

Transcription

1 9 Ways to Crowd Out Self-doubt Cat O'Donnell

2 Copyright This material is copyrighted by catodonnell.com with all rights reserved, worldwide. Feel free to share using this link: Disclaimer and legal notices While all attempts have been made to verify the information provides in this guide, the author does not assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, or omissions. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

3 9 Ways to Crowd Out Self Doubt Getting to Know Selfdoubt I m going to start out with a bold statement: The best way to deal with self-doubt is not to have it in the first place! Keep reading to see why this is true and how you can become a person who successfully, consistently crowds out self-doubt. But first, let s take a look at what self doubt is, when it s useful, and when it s not. Self-doubt, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is lack of confidence in oneself, one s abilities, etc. Is Self-doubt Ever Useful? Do you think self-doubt is useful? In my experience, it can be useful, because if we are starting something new and feel doubtful about our abilities, it can tell us we need to prepare for our new challenge, by getting training, asking for advice, doing research, and so on. I ve noticed that when people don t have the skill to honestly assess their own abilities and blindly jump into new things, they end up failing, or at least wasting time. So often, though, self-doubt isn t about needing to prepare, but rather, it can be a pervasive feeling of unworthiness or inadequacy. A feeling you just can t seem to shake. And it s keeping you from making progress. If this bad-feeling, something is wrong with me type of self-doubt shows up, rather than try to ignore it or push it away, it s time to face it squarely and get to the bottom of it. Let s start by considering this poem from Rumi, a Persian poet and philosopher born in 1207 and among the top-selling poets worldwide today. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

4 The Guest Houe This being human is a guest house Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. Jalāl ad-dīn Muhammad Rūmī Rather than get upset about self-doubt, resolve right now to be curious about it. Pretend you re a scientist observing the results of an experiment. Use the questions on the next page to see what you can discover about this unexpected visitor. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

5 Questioning Self-doubt What is this self-doubt really about? Is this doubt really important in the present, or is it a remnant from the past? Am I generalizing this doubt to presume that something is wrong with me? What standard am I trying to meet? Is this MY standard, or somebody else s? Is this self-doubt protecting me from something? Keeping me in my comfort zone? Am I comparing myself to other people? Is this about what really happened or a story that I keep retelling? Does this really matter? Am I over-analyzing? What other interpretation could I have about this doubt that would serve me better? What would someone who did not have this selfdoubt think? What would they say? What would they do? When does this self-doubt creep in? When I m tired, hungry, or am in the company of a certain person? Who do I need to forgive? What is the greater truth? What is the opportunity here? Can I be happy that I caught my mistake, realized a weakness or growth opportunity? What action(s) can I take to address this doubt? What small step can I take right now to make progress? Copyright All Rights Reserved.

6 Crowd Out Self Doubt Now back to my original statement: The best way to deal with self-doubt is not to have it in the first place! You can cultivate being more confident, deserving, and finally turn down that noise in your head that undermines your plans and dreams. It s kind of like losing weight. The most effective way to lose weight is to focus on adding more and more healthy foods into your life. That s focusing on what you want (as opposed to focusing on what you don t want). In the same way, the best way to lose self-doubt is to crowd it out by adding positive aspects to your life. This is not a quick fix; so resolve now to take whatever time you ll need. 9 Ways to Crowd Out Self-doubt The place to start is by declaring I deserve to be happy and have a great life. From a linguistic standpoint, a declaration is powerful, because creates a new future. No matter what you ve done in your life, the mistakes you may have made, or the people you ve hurt, it is still your job to be in your own corner, take care of yourself, grow and thrive. Yes, do whatever you need to do to clean up mistakes and make amends. Forgive yourself utterly. After that resolve to reshape your life and your thinking to crowd out self-doubt. Time to let go of the past and grant yourself the freedom to begin again. Now let s get into the details. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

7 1: Surround Yourself with Positive, Like-minded People Who are the five people with whom you spend the most time? This is important because we are tribal creatures. We turn out like those around us. If you have negative people around you, people who are always complaining, being victims, blaming their unhappiness on circumstances, you ve got some tough decisions to make. Surround yourself with people you love and admire, those who are supportive and uplifting. 2: Focus on what You DO Want (not what you don t) I used to pride myself on always being on the lookout for the saboteur to strike. It can be useful, like if you re a project manager and you re mindful of things that could go awry, you can make contingency plans. Now I know that as a general strategy, this is not useful. People who have been traumatized do this they are always looking for things that could go wrong so that they can have the illusion of control. This backfires, because if we keep thinking about what we don t want, we re in effect doing negative visualizations. Our brains get busy creating and recognizing whatever will match those thoughts. To have more of what you want in your life, spend time thinking about what you want. Scientists now know that it s important to not only visualize what you want, but also imagine how it will feel once your desire is realized. Tip: Start by spending just 10 minutes a day deliberately imagining the life of your dreams. Go into juicy details about how it will feel, taste, smell, sound and look. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

8 3: Focus on your Big Why and your Purpose. It is hard to go wrong in life when you know what your life is about and what is important to you. Some people think that everyone has a very specific purpose and we must find it out. I don t see it that way. Rather, I believe that we have a general purpose: to be happy and to contribute to the Greater Good. Regardless of one s opinion on that question, we know we are happiest and at peace when we are aligned with whatever we consider our purpose to be. That means focusing our thoughts, words and deeds on living in a way that suits our purpose. By the way, realizing our purpose is intimately connected to our relationships. We humans are wired to be fulfilled by contributing to our partners, families, animals, communities and the world. 4: Learn to Change your State I ve noticed that a very important factor in how I m feeling about my life is what kind of physiological state I m in. Sleeping and eating well, getting exercise and being out in nature are keys to maintaining a productive state. Some of these are covered in more detail under Self Care is critical, below. If you find yourself in a negative state, there are lots of ways to change it, even in the moment: Special breathing techniques like Breath of Fire in Kundalini yoga Taking a dance break Watching comedy Singing In Tony Robbins training, Unleash the Power Within, many thousands of people have learned to walk across hot coals after getting into the appropriate state. (I did this myself!) If you can change your state enough to walk on 2000 degree hot coals, you can do almost anything. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

9 5. Self-care is Critical Self-care, like taking care of our bodies and keeping our lives orderly, is critically important to crowding out selfdoubt. It is not only the actions themselves that help, they are also statements to ourselves that we are worthy of care. 6. Develop More Awareness Sometimes we stay stuck in self-doubt because we don t completely address whatever is triggering it. If you don t know specifics on why and when self-doubt shows up for you, here are ways to develop more awareness: Talk with a trusted friend, coach or therapist Meditate Use brain wave entrainment technology like Holosync. I have found this to be particularly effective. You can learn more about it here: 7. Build Your Trust Muscles Trust is key to having a happy, productive life: trusting yourselves, other people, and the Universe. We can trust ourselves even though we aren t perfect. In fact, taking responsibility for flaws or weakness and creating workarounds for them is key to building confidence. 8. Practice Gratitude Gratitude is the acknowledgement of what is good in your life. Staying to attuned to what s working, thanking others for all they do for you, and celebrating your accomplishments all contribute to your happiness, optimism, confidence and faith. To really see your life take off to new heights, imagine how you want life to be and start being grateful in advance! 9. Gather and Give Inspiration Being confident and peaceful is greatly enhanced by treating yourself to videos or audios of inspiring speakers, or reading books by great authors, especially if you do this instead of watching the news or other scary TV. Perhaps even more importantly, being an inspiration for other people is a life-giving, powerful way to crowd out selfdoubt. Copyright All Rights Reserved.

10 Thanks so much for reading this and for subscribing! Keep an eye on your inbox for innovation and inspiration to help you along your path. In the meantime, here s a video you ll find intriguing: my friend Stephanie Mulac has created an interesting piece about energy pathways in our bodies. She s been a leader in self-healing and growth for over 20 years and this video is a culmination of her entire life s work. Have a look: With heart, Cat O Donnell Copyright All Rights Reserved.

11 About the Author: Cat O Donnell is a coach and mentor dedicated to providing innovation and inspiration for people who want to accelerate growth towards their ideal lives. Cat became keenly interested in personal growth at the age of 14. Having had a challenging upbringing with family violence, alcoholism, and way too much moving from place to place (40 households and counting!), she compensated by experimenting with a very wide range of books, seminars, workshops, online courses, gurus, religion, psychotherapy and lots more. All this searching led to a great career, love, friends all over the world and especially, wonderful adventures. Cat ran the New York Marathon, learned to fly, and dived the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. And up until about 5 years ago, she had lived a pretty charmed adult life and thought she had it all figured out. Then, disasters struck: a house burnt down, she was diagnosed with cancer, her wonderful husband of 22 years died after being ill with heart disease for 16 years, she had responsibility to care of her ailing mother, her mom died, she had a couple of extremely painful relationship endings, she got laid off from work, and even more. In short, Life showed just how much she didn t know. To rise from these ashes, she had to dig deep. She spent 3 years getting back on her feet and learning the difference between knowledge and wisdom and how to be truly resilient. And discovered that a key to fulfillment is sharing from the heart to empower others to rise above their circumstances and limitations. Catodonnell.com is her gift to You. Please use what you learn and pass it on! Copyright All Rights Reserved.