BECOMING A BODHISATTVA IN MODERN TIMES TALK 1. Good evening to you all.

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1 BECOMING A BODHISATTVA IN MODERN TIMES TALK 1 Good evening to you all. I would first like to express my appreciation for your coming to this seminar and making the Dharma part of your lives. Everyone is always trying to improve their lives, usually through changing their outer circumstances. No one just stays still. But there's no guarantee that gaining the circumstances we want wealth, power, career, family will bring about happiness. Usually these come with certain complexities that make genuine happiness hard to attain. But in your effort to make changes through understanding and practicing Dharma, there will be a genuine benefit: greater mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It's possible to become more miserable with the practice of Dharma, but generally that s not what happens. The reason is that instead of trying to accomplish anything outside, we re focusing inside. At first, we're not even trying to change anything on the inside we just want to see what s going on so that then we can naturally let go. For example, I once heard someone say, "I ve done all those things as a teenager. Now I don t have to do them again." Having this kind of clarity shines a light on our confusion and makes it easier to let go, to be less attached. But we need to pay attention. Without some practice of paying attention and some study of what s happening in our mind, our habits repeat themselves. Though we get hit again and again with the same problems, though we want to get beyond those problems and the confusion causing them, we are like flies hitting the window over and over, trying but failing to get out. To be able to see and know what s happening in our own mind, to have some study and practice to help do that and then, as a result, to be able to let go and be less attached is the birthright of every intelligent person. It s a blessing that everybody should be able to share. We're not talking about getting something. We're talking about something easier: getting rid of something. Both may seem hard, since we usually struggle to get what we want and to get rid of what we don t want. But with Dharma in our lives, the natural intelligence we re all born with becomes more refined and sophisticated, so that we can use it more productively. A child may put his finger in a fire, but once he gets burned, his natural intelligence will kick in and he won t do it again. Even if you bring him back to

2 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 2 the fire, he will pull away because of what he s learned from experience. His natural intelligence protects him. Through the study and practice of Dharma, we can see how our shenpas, our attachments, operate. We're usually at the mercy of our various confused attachments, which we ve developed, not intentionally, but habitually, instinctually. Now these attachments are the basis for us to operate, the basis for us to measure our happiness and success, our suffering and failure. But from a wider, more realistic point of view, these attachments will only matter to us for a very short time, because we are only on this earth for a very short time. If we simply get absorbed in these attachments, not reflecting on what could be the real point of this life, not seeing what else we could do that would bring us genuine meaning, we become like the housewife who is so attached to her interior decoration that she s rearranging her furniture while her house is on fire. This is how the realized masters see us. It is also the point of view of those who have already lived full lives, who can look back at what they have or haven t achieved, and, with the experience they ve gained, can now look at others and see them doing exactly what they did. We should be able to think: I am content with everything in my life, just as it is, as long as I can make progress in my wisdom and in my skillful means to work with my mind. That is my deepest wish. I may have to work with my livelihood, with my family situation, with this or that area of my life, but these are simply field trips for my wisdom and skillful means to come through. At my job, getting promoted shouldn t be the driving force for me to work hard. There may be some short-term benefit and gratification in a promotion, but it s even more gratifying to use this job as a field trip: to work with my mind, to increase my wisdom and skillful means, and to bring that wisdom and skillful means into the work situation. In this way, the benefits of going to work will be much greater. I won t be so subject to the conventional mindset of success and failure, and therefore not so deeply attached and vulnerable, as if conventional success is all I live for. If we can have such an attitude in our marriage, in raising children, in relating to parents and extended family members, in social interactions with people inside and outside our community, then we can tie everything together as a path of wisdom and skillful means. Pursuing the spiritual path doesn t require complete isolation. Some isolation is useful, but it's important to have a balance of being alone as in-meditation, and being engaged with work, family, and social interactions as post-meditation. In this way, our mind grows more deeply resolved and content with every passing year. We struggle with many habitual passions, desires, and neuroses, which pop up and confuse us by making us always feel like we re in a race. If we re ahead in the race, we feel we ve achieved something; if behind, we ve failed. Ahead means happiness, behind means suffering. But from others point of view, whatever we achieve through this ego struggle will not be real happiness. Even your colleague, who is working as hard as you but has fallen behind, will have a hard time acknowledging you ve achieved happiness if

3 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 3 your ego has grown bigger and your self-indulgence and arrogance have increased. If a person competing in the same race doesn t see your success making you happy, then how can the buddhas and bodhisattvas acknowledge that? This happiness you re working for is just in your mind! If you fail, your suffering is also just in your mind, which has been set in a particular motion by your goals and expectations. When things don t turn out the way you think they should, it seems horrible. A student of mine has a Roy Lichtenstein print of a woman crying, with a thought bubble that says, That s the way it should have begun! But it s hopeless! That s how we feel. Many types of suffering we can commonly acknowledge, in a relative way, as actual suffering. But asserting a meaning of life and then feeling we have failed to achieve that is a suffering created by our own mind. Another person could be in the same position, but have a totally different attitude, experience, and state of mind. If we go to another country, we can see clearly that people can be happy without having all we ve been striving for and failing to attain. This proves that happiness and suffering have to do with how we set our minds, and how we see ourselves in relation to others ahead or behind in the race. Staying ahead in the race requires tremendous stress, a tremendous drive that needs to be fueled by passion. To keep going, you almost have to be addicted to that drive. If you relax, or even intelligently question whether the drive is worth the effort, you might completely lose your ground and your orientation as to where you re going. So you never question the basis of the drive. You re continually fueled by your attachments, which come up one after the other, always giving you reasons why you should do this, how this will benefit you. You don t investigate the truth of it, for then you would need to find people who have achieved what you want and are happy as a result and if you found they weren't happy, that would be a big deterrent. But even though this lesson is shown on television, in movies, everywhere, we block it out. We become very selective about what we want to see and know. We want to keep fueling ourselves with reasons to keep going. And in the end, even though it becomes a big disappointment as it does for everyone it doesn t matter. We justify ourselves by thinking we did our share of struggling and working hard. We made good use of our time, and didn t become a useless, hopeless person, a bum. From that point of view, the Buddha is a bum. All the great masters are useless, hopeless bums because they questioned and didn t fall prey to their drives. They didn t fall prey to conventional beliefs about how to achieve happiness or meaning in life. Our own creation of happiness and suffering is our own confusion. What we are struggling for has no reality from its own side; there is nothing other than how we subjectively relate to it with our confused mind. Seeing clearly how your mind creates all this struggle is the doorway to freedom from habitually being caught up, again and again. Whether you have the merit to walk through that doorway, the integrity and strength to break down old habits, the self-confidence to see your spiritual path through to the end that depends on you. If you re like a feather

4 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 4 in the wind, always affected by outer circumstances and by what others say, then even if from time to time you see that doorway to freedom very clearly, you won t walk through it. You will choose to maintain your ignorance and stay in your self-created cocoon. Even though you know how old habits keep coming back and bonking you on the head, knocking you down again and again, you won t have the guts to challenge those habits, see them as your own creation, and thereby overcome them. You will blame this and that, you ll make this and that excuse, you ll say how hard it is to do what you need to do. But deep down, you lack the courage to say to yourself, Since this is self-created, it's something I can overcome. It s my view that matters most, and since I realize that this isn't working out, I can take charge of my life and overcome this. Then you may feel that courage and start getting done what you need to get done, changing from darkness to dawn because that much light is there. But if you lack the self-confidence to be consistent, if you give up too easily, you can return to the mentality of sinking into the sofa, just dozing off and becoming part of what you re watching on the tube. You won't be able to see your spiritual path, your fight against ignorance, confusion, and self-deception, through to the end. For many people, when things are difficult it s easier; and when things are easier, it s much harder to do the job. When everything is arranged in the way you want it to be, and you're happy in your god realm life, that s when you don t see the path through to the end. That s when you may sink into the couch with a beer in hand and zone out in the tube. This is very problematic in the spiritual path. But if we re aware of this tendency, aware of our doorway to freedom, aware that it takes integrity and courage to walk through that doorway, and consistent self-confidence to see the path through, then darkness will become dawn, and dawn will become full daylight without a speck of dust or a shred of cloud covering the sky and the sun. And this can be done by seeing our given work, family, social interactions, and everything else in our lives as field trips. We don t have to give any of them away. We can use them as ways to increase our wisdom and our means to work with our mind, rather than falling asleep in those situations and having nightmares. Success and failure are secondary compared to the growth we can get from staying awake and being engaged in those experiences. It doesn t matter what job you're doing. Just know that success, failure, happiness, and suffering don t exist from their own side; not even two people will agree about them. So give up the neurosis of seeing things as if they exist outside of and unrelated to your mind. For me, this is a very helpful way to look at things, because it gives me the liberty not to make anything outside my mind a problem. But for a lot of people, that s inconvenient. People like to see their problems as outside them, so that they can blame rather than take responsibility. You ll have better results, however, if you see there s no problem with your life. Everything is in place, where it should be. You think your problem is something out there, something objective. In fact, it s interdependently created with subjective mind. Therefore, it s not intrinsic; it doesn t exist on its own, from its own side. And

5 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 5 acknowledging this is not just a way of being hard on yourself, because there is no use doing that. If you have less confusion in your mind, then that problem could become a means to bring out your wisdom. Before, you may have read books to give you wisdom and skillful means, but they didn t become part of your life until you encountered these field trips. Now, not only have you read and connected to these books, they have become part of you. And now you can help many others, starting with your family. You can first help them by your example; then, if they are open, with verbal communication; and if they are even more open, with guidance. We can succeed in knowing the wisdom of Dharma, but more effectively, we can become lamps that light many others. A hundred lamps may all have the potential to be lit, but if none are lit, then none can light the others. If just one is lit, it can light the other ninetynine. In this way, we can serve as a lamp in our immediate situation, which is where it matters most. People always think about becoming a lamp like the sun, illuminating the entire earth. Having this level of ambition, they think lighting a small area has little meaning. This is again the attitude of seeing oneself in a race. What really counts is first lighting ourselves, and then serving in our area to light many other lamps, which in turn can light many other lamps. Since all human beings are potentially lit lamps, we can light ourselves with our own awakening and then serve as a reference for others to do the same. This grassroots way of affecting our world is a much more reliable source of happiness than what people on Wall Street do. It s a much greater means to change society and benefit others than what the powerful people in Washington do. I m not saying those people don t do their share, but it s a whole different ballgame. You should see your intention and interest in the spiritual path as a raw diamond that needs to be worked on continually. It doesn t start out pure because it s hard for your intention to be separate from the rest of you. If you re confused and egocentric, you can t immediately have pure intention. In the beginning, it comes with this hope, that passion, this expectation, that excitement. They are like pieces of rock stuck to a diamond, which need to fall away by your seeing through them. Slowly, slowly, you may realize, Oh, I was so excited to become a teacher. That kind of vision or attachment isn t bad, but if it's your main motivation, then the diamond will never be revealed. So at some point that has to fall away. Or you may realize you re practicing Dharma because you think it ll make you attractive. That s not bad, but if being attractive is your goal, it isn t the diamond. You re hanging onto the rock, which at some point has to fall away. Your intention has to be genuinely to know the wisdom for your own sake, for your own freedom and to offer the benefits of that wisdom skillfully to help others. Various intentions may be mixed in with your intention to pursue the spiritual path, and over time you must see that they need to fall away. Seeing them fall away shouldn t dishearten you. It should keep you more motivated to pursue true wisdom for your own self-realization for the freedom and qualities that that realization can bring you, and for the benefit it can bring to others. That aspiration should gradually become cleaner and

6 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 6 more precise, and your prayers to fulfill it should become more and more sincere. Then, when all the rock has fallen away, and you have only pure, crystal diamond in your hand, you ll be a genuine practitioner, with the wisdom and skillful means to work with your mind in all your various field trips. At that point, you will have your audience. You will naturally be a little buddha in the world, a lamp lighting small areas. Wouldn t that be great compared to being rich and fat, and dying with attachments to all you ve worked so hard for and can t take with you? Even when forced to leave everything behind, you can t get rid of those attachments. It s difficult to see how that would be a wonderful experience, but that s what happens. I m not making fun of wealthy people, but no matter how well they know they can t take anything with them, it s difficult not to be attached to what they ve worked so hard for. Similarly, it will be difficult if you re very powerful if you ve had the whole world on the tip of your finger to do anything and everything for you and now you have to go alone, without a single attendant. You know you have to go, but you re not ready because you haven t even learned to go to the bathroom without assistance. We see very clearly that such people, when they lose power and control of their life, suffer the most. It s not that they re bad people, but they ve had so much power and control that having to give it up and accept themselves as vulnerable and powerless makes it much harder. The mind makes it that way. So being rich, powerful, or famous at the end of your life isn t a great scenario. Some people with wealth, power, or fame, may also develop wisdom and skillful means in their lives, which helps them in the end, but in that case you have to give the credit to their wisdom, not their wealth, power, or fame. We should compare all these scenarios to becoming a small buddha, a small lamp that lights itself and never goes out, a lamp that can light others around us, in our own small area. That is a genuinely incredible outcome. We have that very possibility. We re all in the Dharma for that. So we need to chip off the various rocks attached to our diamond, and thereby crystallize our intention. We need to deepen our wisdom mind and our skillful means in working with our mind and have those really blossom. This process has to be set in motion as early as possible in our spiritual path, not at the last minute. We can t expect it to happen on its own; we have to be consciously involved. People can put so much effort and energy into being practitioners and working hard on their spiritual path, but they may still be confused, even at the end, about why they re doing it. And some may have developed a lot of wisdom and skillful means over years of living and practicing, but they haven t consciously aimed to light their own lamps and light others surrounding them. They haven t used their fields trips as well as they could have. They ve seen them as annoyances: I m a spiritual person. I want to be by myself, in retreat. Because they feel conflicted, they can t use their fields well, or can't work effectively to help others in those fields. So it s important to start doing this as early as possible, in small ways, since you do have to interact with people: with your children, your spouse, your extended family, with people at work and in your community. You can try to communicate something more

7 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 7 meaningful than Hi. Not wanting to go deeper or get personal, and thereby maintaining your bubble, may preserve privacy, but it also creates isolation within the family and society. So if you ve thought through some things and found some deep answers to your questions and beneficial wisdom in your mind, try to engage with others a little, in appropriate ways. See if you could help them in how they use their mind, in how they re thinking, questioning, and seeing. It s not that you re trying to teach something, you re just having deeper interactions and conversations. You may not be able to do that with your kids, especially when they re full of hormones and totally in their own world, but even if you can sit them down for a minute, it will leave a deep impression. They will remember such parental guidance forever. If you just let them be loose and wild, if your attitude is, Do whatever you like. I m so glad you re off my back, that won t go anywhere. And with spouses and Sangha members, it s important to engage appropriately in deeper conversations. Otherwise the conversation always gets shallower and shallower, with more and more gossip, passion, ignorance, and aggression. If you orient your life toward progress, toward being engaged with the world, with wisdom and skillful means as your focus, then you'll make so much meaning out of your field trips, out of your studies and practice, out of your connection to the Three Jewels, and out of the blessing of your own mind. And I can guarantee you that in the end, you won t regret how you ve lived, whether the karma of your life has been smooth or turbulent. You can use either for your growth. So I really encourage you to develop the wisdom of Dharma. The Buddha s wisdom didn t just come to him. He accumulated it for countless lifetimes, collecting each piece, one by one, with keen interest and effort and hardship. I don t know why he had to do this, but it s said that to obtain one piece of wisdom, he gouged holes in his flesh and filled them with oil and burning wicks to make offering lamps with his body. And in the end he became enlightened, and left all his wisdom as his legacy for future generations of beings. Because of his effort, we have it easy. We ve already gathered so much wisdom without having to collect it piece by piece the way the Buddha did. It s all at our disposal, if we press our minds a little and orient ourselves to deepening that wisdom. It s not about superficially learning more things and keeping them in our knowledge bank without using them. We can know that contemplating impermanence is a great way to cut through our attachments, but then never really apply that knowledge. We can know that everything happens because of karma, and know that accepting karma helps us not blame anything outside ourselves, but then never apply that knowledge. We can know that nothing exists objectively from its own side, that whatever reality we impute is produced by our subjective mind and how it relates to appearances. But when it comes to getting attached to something, getting angry at someone, seeing a threat coming at us, seeing a person or a situation as a problem, we don t apply that knowledge. We leave it in the bank, not pressing our brains enough to squeeze out that blessing which can touch us.

8 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 8 And even if we do apply our knowledge, we have to know how to do it in a bigger context. What is the meaning of our life? What are we trying to accomplish? How are we balancing what s already on our plate as a parent, a worker, a community person, a person in the world with our spiritual path? If we have to do many of the same things in our lives as everyone else, how do we differentiate ourselves by being on the spiritual path? Do we have more inner strength and clarity? Or do we simply subject ourselves to the same kinds of thoughts and emotions as those who have never even been exposed to the spiritual path? Do we see success and failure, happiness and suffering, the same way as anyone not on the spiritual path? If we are different, then how? Where is our strength? Outwardly we may be similar, but inwardly, there should be a lot of difference. If not, then in these situations, our mind is just like that of anyone who hasn t been exposed to the teachings. We can think that these aspects of our lives are pointless nuisances, that we would rather be alone in a cave like Milarepa, but if that s not our karma, how do we work with what s on our plate in a more sensible way? How do we relate to modern life, both on and off the cushion? Only if we have clarity, and an overall good sense of things in this way, can we become a lamp in the modern world, able to affect the modern people around us. For we can t expect all modern people to become as deeply committed to the spiritual path as Milarepa, willing to abandon everything to go into a cave. Being a lamp has to do with relating to everything where we are, and where society is. If we can make progress with what we re doing, we shouldn t think we re doing anything less than the sages of the past, who put their time and effort into being in solitude, and thus inspired many others to follow them. If those sages came back to this world, I don t know whether they would do the same thing. What would be the point if no one followed them? It would make more sense for them to be effective in society as it is now. I feel that all of the above questions need to be answered, and that is my intention in presenting this overall view on how to become bodhisattvas in modern times. Questions and Answers Student: Rinpoche, in my life, I often feel like I m behind in the race, and I view that as a reflection of my own mind that there s something I haven t understood or realized. Is that an accurate way of looking at it? Rinpoche: Using the reasoning of interdependence, ahead doesn t exist without behind; and if there are no ahead and behind, there's no middle. Your mind constructs all this, and then it seems real. This confused mind has been operating on automatic pilot for many lifetimes, so the habit won't go away by itself. But if you penetrate the habit with wisdom, then you see that ahead, behind, and middle all come from your own ignorance. Since it all comes down to your mindset, you can see whatever situation you re in as perfect. For an infant, mashed apple is perfect food, not Chinese cuisine. So you can relate to your situation as perfect, and if it changes, for better or worse, you can relate to the new situation as perfect, too. Everything is meant for you; it s what it s supposed to be at that moment of your life. Yet you still keep working in that situation.

9 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 9 A lot of people are confused about this. They think, How could you keep working in that situation, how could you have any goals, if you see it as already perfect? This is exactly what Vedanta teaches: Keep working at the situation while seeing it as perfect. That will improve your situation, not from worse to better, but from one perfect situation to another. There won t be any climbing, just going from one perfect situation to another, without the stress of feeling that you re falling behind or going ahead in the race, without feeling, on one hand, despair and disappointment, and on the other, pride and arrogance. But this way of seeing everything as perfect has to gain strength; it has to help you overcome your small neuroses before it can affect major ones. If you want Chinese takeout but get pizza, you should think, Chinese is good, but pizza is good, too. But attacking your major neuroses right away is too difficult; the habits are so strong that they're hard to penetrate. It's also easier to analyze your struggles when your mind s not in stress. Then you can see what leads to your stress how you invest relative phenomena with absolute reality. Then next time your mind is in stress, that wisdom can be available to penetrate your struggle. Student: I m hearing all these things about wisdom. What is wisdom? Is it an experience, is it something you know when you see it, is it more like a tone that resonates when you have it? Rinpoche: I ve touched on quite a few kinds of wisdom without really articulating how they are wisdom, so I m glad you ask this question. Say I m struggling to have something that I don t have. Full of desire, I m going through all the schemes of how I could get it, and I m becoming stressed out. My heart is becoming discontent because I m so fixated on the one thing I don t have that I m not even noticing everything positive in my life. This all happens in my unconscious mind; it s the confused way my mind automatically operates. Then, in my meditation, it becomes clear what s happening. I see how I m not appreciating the good things in my life because of my fixation on this one thing, because of my strong drive to have it. And why do I have that drive? Because I think that thing will bring me deep satisfaction. When I see that, I have to ask myself if it s really true that I ll be deeply satisfied. Or will I just move from this thing to the next thing, and then to the next and the next? I can recall my last experience of wanting something, scheming to get it, and then actually getting it. Now I don t even notice that thing. I don t even feel a trace of contentment from it. So why will it be different this time? If I make these connections, I can see that all this is just a habit playing itself out. My neurosis tends to take on a life of its own, and I become that struggle. But if I can see this habit clearly, then I can disengage myself from the neurosis. This whole process of working with desire illustrates many kinds of wisdom. Seeing clearly what s happening; knowing how it didn t serve in the past and therefore won t

10 2009 Mahayana Seminar: Talk 1 10 serve now; having perspective about one s thoughts and emotions, rather than being them; knowing that the drive is merely confusion; knowing that the habit will get stronger and stronger unless a remedy is applied; reacting differently; applying the remedy and overcoming the problem; changing oneself all of this is wisdom. Student: My friend is dying of cancer. I d like to be a light for him. I m afraid he ll retreat into himself and go through the process of his passing alone. He doesn t easily accept people s help. It s painful to watch somebody go through that. I d like for him to get some peace by seeing that this is part of a natural process. Rinpoche: Often people don t feel it s natural for such things to happen to them, so they become angry, or wallow in self-pity, or think, Why is this happening to me? One shouldn t resent such emotions. It s healthy to go through them. But it s not healthy to get stuck in them. If your friend is not moving through these emotions, you have to see where he s getting stuck. Let s say he s feeling let down. People can feel let down by life, or by those they take refuge in such as God, or the Three Jewels, or the guru or they could feel let down that this has happened to them despite their being a positive person. Very gently and effectively, you have to argue them out of their stuck mind. God and the Three Jewels are powerless in this. Even one's good deeds are limited. One may have lived a very positive life, but that doesn t mean one has lived that way in past lives. The negative karma from past lives that causes illness hasn t been exhausted. And it won t be exhausted before the end of this life because the end is too near. The most important thing is to see that this is not a curse. One way or the other, this is how every one of us has to go. The manner in which we go from this world into the next is often predestined by past karma, so we have to accept that. Accepting makes it much easier to go through this period. It frees our mind, making it more available to do the work we need to do in order to make the transition and be well-prepared in the next life. You could talk to your friend in this way, without judgment, but with an open, compassionate heart. Then you will earn your friend s trust that you are not some wise person lecturing him, but that you really care. I think that could have positive effects.