Virtue of Temperance: What s Love Got to Do With It? Rev. Kathleen Owens Feb. 13, 2011 Hillcrest

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1 1 Virtue of Temperance: What s Love Got to Do With It? Rev. Kathleen Owens Feb. 13, 2011 Hillcrest I must confess that I was concerned about today s attendance given the main subject of the sermon. Thank goodness we had such wonderful music as a draw! I mean, who wants to hear a sermon about temperance, especially in a culture that can feel like more is always better. In general people don t like being told no, stop, pull back, hold on, slow down, balance. I think humans tend to want what they want, when they want it, as often and as much. And if it s something that feels good more is better. Temperance is not an easy subject as we are so often fed the message that we need something more to feel better or look better. Like the other sermons in this series, this Virtue is based on the workshop at General Assembly given by the Rev. Dr. Galen Guengerich who is the senior minister at All Souls Unitarian Church in New York City. We Unitarian Universalists believe in salvation by character and the growth of character can be achieved through leading a life of virtue. Aristotle said that virtue is the key to happiness. And temperance is a virtue that can lead to experiences of true freedom and pleasure. While working on this sermon, when I mentioned the virtue of temperance everyone said something to me about drinking. And that s reasonable given the Temperance movement we had in this country starting in the late 1780s; by 1839 there were several journals and organizations dedicated to temperance which focused on the drinking of alcohol to excess and wanting it, needing it to stop. Many Unitarians and Universalists of the day were leaders in the movement and in fact, our own Universalist Dr. Benjamin Rush is credited for pioneering the Temperance movement. But he never called for total abstinence. 1 That came later with 1 The Temperance Movement by Henry William Blair, 1887, and The Universalist Movement in America, by Ann Lee Bressler, 2001, page 85.

2 2 Prohibition in Temperance does not mean abstinence but rather it means selfrestraint in one s behavior, usually focused around eating and drinking; it means moderation. I m talking today about temperance as a strength a strength that protects us from excess; excess, yes from drinking but also from anger, greed, and those short-term pleasures that, in excess, have long-term costs. Temperance is the rule of not too much. It isn t that we are meant to live without, without eating or drinking, without desire, but rather, as Jack Kornfield describes it, we are to live with a wise relationship to desire. Not too much. Defying this rule causes more trouble than some of us can handle literally. Rather than taking pleasure from our desires, when they are out of control, when we have defied the rule of not too much and taken our pleasures to excess, we no longer can enjoy them for they control us. And one morning we wake up and find ourselves in bondage to that which once brought pleasure be it drink, smoke, sex, food, or relationships that have turned from equals to an unhealthy and no longer promotes love. Scores of lives have been lost when the rule of not too much has been overlooked. A good test to see if, in fact that one has broken the rule is to ask oneself the morning after test. After an evening of indulgence of pleasure one might want to ask: is there pain this morning from the night before? When the source of pleasure becomes a source of pain, the rule has been broken. And there may be a deeper problem here not just that the rule was broken, but next the question needs to be asked: what pleasure did I take too far to meet a deeper need. For instance, what need was I trying to meet with that third glass of wine or that second dessert? Failing the morning after test can be a wake-up call that addiction may be an issue for which we need help. What I like most about the morning after test is it requires an awareness of myself. Awareness is the key knowing myself is true wisdom mastering over others is strength but mastering myself is true power. Lao-Tzu said it centuries ago and it still is true today. In Steven

3 3 Mitchell s translation of the Tao Te Ching his notes say it another way: When I know myself, I know others. When I master myself, I don t need to master others. (Tao Te Ching A New English Version by Stephen Mitchell, page 98). Cultivating awareness of ourselves and our desires requires an understanding of who we are and what motivates us. The poet writes, Now I become myself. It s taken time, many years and places; I have been dissolved and shaken, Worn other people s face; Run madly Now to stand still, to be here, feel my own weight and density! There are multiple ways of digging deeper into our own beings. Some enter into therapy or counseling to help understand the inner, unconscious motivations behinds actions and behaviors. When we become aware, when we begin to understand the reasoning behind our words and actions, we then have a greater sense of freedom and control because we can make difference choices rather than reacting all the time and moving through our life like the ball in a pinball machine that reacts upon each hit it receives or barrier it bounces off of. There are many tools available astrological signs and descriptions of characteristics; Tarot cards and readers that might offer insight into behavior; personality tests and inventories that show a light onto patterns of responses and ways of being. The Enneagram is a tool that has some intellectual and spiritual work behind it and has been used by many of my colleagues. The goal of the Enneagram, according to Rev. Guengerich, is for us to learn what drives us emotionally so we won t find ourselves unnecessarily at cross purposes with ourselves or other people. It is a tool that helps us learn about and think about what drives us, identify our deepest desires and thus knowing them, we are not controlled by them. They remain sources of pleasure in our lives, not causes of pain. So what s Love got to do with all of this? It s more than just a song sung by a terrific artist Tina Turner. There are many forms of love. In English we have just one word to

4 4 encompass all the various forms of love. The Greeks however have different words for different kinds of love. There is agape, which is love between God and people; eros, which is the bond between lovers, filia, which is literally translated as brotherly love and there is storge the love of what is comfortable and comforting. My colleague the Rev. Meg Riley describes another form of love self-love in her column from in Quest, newsletter of the Church of the Larger Fellowship. There is a Greek name for this kind of love auto-ektimisi, it translates more to selfesteem but it s deeper than that. She writes that it s a very deep, very proactive concept; not everyone can reach this kind of self-love but it gives us, as we accept our own mistakes, the energy for life. It s more than taking care of oneself but rather more like self-love through selfknowledge. This is where love starts with one s self, accepting and loving oneself, being aware of who you are, what your needs are, what motivates you and standing on the side of love for your own sake so that you are filled up and can then give to others be it to your partner/lover, your friend, your family, your community, your city, your country. It starts here within oneself. Learning about one s self, becoming aware of our own desires and the motivations behind our behavior is not as self-indulgent as it may sound. In fact, I think it s the opposite for being self-aware allows for honest relationships, a deeper freedom to choose behaviors and action (rather than reacting) and in the end, we can be a more balanced, centered person when we are more fully aware of our inner self. This is a form of self-love that we rarely hear about in our society. In fact, many of us were raised to repress our own interests, our sense of self to others wants/wills and desires. We have been taught that what we want is selfish, not okay and knowing and asking for our needs to be met is immature. Some of us have lived with the model of selfsacrifice as a way to spiritual deepening. There are times when self-sacrifice is appropriate but

5 5 martyrdom is not. Self-love, self-knowledge combined with the rule of not too much creates a balance that is healthy. This isn t merely a self-help kind of sermon but this principle is contained within our first principle that we affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every person including ourselves. Respect for the worth and dignity of every person must begin with self for how do we offer to others and the world that which we refuse to give ourselves. What does selflove look like? What is your dharma while on this planet? Do you know? The scorpion did, the monk did. Are you aware of yourself or are you running madly, wearing other people s faces? Cultivating temperance in our lives can keep us safe from over indulgence of self-love, of food, drink, anger. What about temperance around exercise or work? Where in your life are you in need of moderation? For me, living in the balance is my life-long journey, the balance between my heart and feeling with my head, thinking and reason. It is a spiritual practice for me to be aware, and I have to practice it, consciously, every day. Following the rule of not too much can bring us balance in all things. Temperance requires courage and commitment; recently before our very eyes we have seen temperance, courage and commitment demonstrated for 18 days as thousands of Egyptians, who longed for liberty, justice and freedom practice moderation in their action, speech and in their behavior. They were clear on their central needs, for liberty, for justice and freedom and they remained true to those needs, acted on them and acted with temperance, control. Where can we practice some moderation in our lives? What if we tried it in how we talk about others or how we think about ourselves? What if we used temperance in here our minds that so strongly influences our lives?

6 6 Our first principle belongs to us as individuals as well as to those around us; and this religious community can offer support and ways of practice that encourage balance and health in our lives. The payoff of Temperance is huge true pleasure and true freedom; living in balance with desire invites us to enjoy the goodness in this life. May it be so for us all and may we share it with others. Blessed be.