A Thorn in My Flesh 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 May 25, 2014

Transcription

1 A Thorn in My Flesh 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 May 25, 2014 Prayer An incredible thing happened here last Sunday - - and we are no strangers to incredible things happening here. Let me recap: our beloved sister Cricket delivered the Opening Words, flanked by the support of Deacon Amy Andrew and Pastor Andrea. Cricket shared with us a glimpse into her life and her struggles, her ongoing struggles with mental health, offering us a poem of encouragement from Paul Coelho s Warrior of Light. Along with that witness, Amy shared her own struggles with mental health. Pastor Andrea preached a fantastic message about our call to offer witness, and in our sermon response time, others felt encouraged and safe and courageous enough to witness to their own struggles with mental health. It was a moment of truth and vulnerability - - one that was at once full of heartache and hope. The message was clear: courage, sister, you do not walk alone. This is was certainly a Holy Spirit Moment. Pastor Andrea then invited those among us who have faced and who live with depression, anxiety, psychosis, and other mental health issues to stand and be blessed. I chose to walk down from my seat on the chancel to join hands with Lisa - - not so that I might offer a blessing, but so that I might be blessed as well. I have already outed myself a little bit on Easter by holding up my cross, testifying to my transformation from someone filled with anger and despair to being someone filled with grace and hope. But now let me be clear about what I have only hinted at before: I have struggled with depression and mood disorders for over 20 years, maybe longer. My depression seems to have come about through a combination of genetic predisposition and social triggers. I did not endure a traumatic childhood by any means, and I ve not suffered any greater amount of loss, death, betrayal, disappointment, or disillusionment than your average person. This is just how I m wired, just my cocktail of neurochemicals, just the tint to the lens of my worldview. On the spectrum of human pain and suffering, I m still at the low end - - but that is not to say that my suffering has not been real to me. I ve cycled through the various mood disorder diagnoses, tried this and that medication, some forms of self- medication, therapy, meditation, denial, and embrace. Coping with and managing my own mental health has required a complex, still- incomplete and on- going mixture of tactics and practices. For me, faith has been a sizable and effective ingredient in this mix. I have found great comfort, grace, peace, and hope in my faith - - both in my lived experience and biblically inspired. Scripture - - and, indeed, religion - - is loaded

2 with seemingly flawed people doing incredible things by the grace of God. I am encouraged by and identify with two scriptural images in particular. First is the transformative power of the resurrected Christ - - not for the pain, humiliation, and suffering endured, but for the victory over death, the promise of reconciliation, and the hope of liberation. Second, and a little more accessible perhaps, is the Apostle Paul s boasting of his weakness caused by a thorn in [his] flesh. 1 In today s reading from Paul s Second Letter to the Corinthian church, Paul is deep in an argument with his detractors who claim he has no authority by which he can claim to be an apostle. Paul first presents a thinly- veiled story about a person he knows who went through an ecstatic, cosmic experience where this person found himself in the presence of God in heavenly paradise 2. Clearly, Paul is speaking of himself and his encounter with the resurrected Christ. For Paul s contemporaries, this would be a point of great pride, evidence of one s holy ordination into apostleship. In what we might now refer to as a humble brag, Paul eschews this divine credential for a boast about his great weakness, what he refers to as a thorn in his flesh that keeps him modest and grounded. The nature of Paul s thorn is not known. Scholars and theologians have tried in vain to identify an exact ailment, but with no incontestable results. Some have speculated that it was a physical disability, others have said it was a struggle with temptation, maybe even sexuality. The unknown nature of the affliction works to our advantage, however, as we can read in or project our own thorns into Paul s teaching that we ought to embrace and make use of our afflictions. Paul does not present his thorn as a curse from God, not some sort of divine punishment earned through a transgression - - but he does describe the thorn as something that brings him pain and torment. And three times, the pain of this thorn was so great, so overwhelming that Paul pleaded with God that it might be removed from him 3. But God s response was that Paul was called to use that weakness to demonstrate God s power - - not the power of God to give or remove affliction, but the power of God s grace that is present in and during and despite affliction. Paul s thorn, whatever it might have been, was possibly something not only physically debilitating but also socially stigmatizing - - a source of humiliation for him. One writer suggests that his condition may well have been something that repelled people away from him. His was a condition that would make him 1 II Corinthians 12:7b 2 II Corinthians 12:1-7 3 "Paul's Humiliation," Rev. Bryan Findlayson, Lectionary Bible Studies and Sermons, Pumpkin Cottage Ministry Resources. Includes detailed textual notes. From textweek.com for 2 Corinthians 12:

3 inadequate and unqualified for greatness in the eyes of his contemporaries and in his culture 4. In Paul s Greco- Roman context, persuasive intellectuals and leaders would boast of their great strengths: knowledge and wisdom, piety, power. But that is the way of the world, not of God. Paul reverses that and proclaims his weakness as evidence of and a source of his strength. Our world, today, is not much different in the sense that we admire and follow these same strengths, and seek to nurture them in ourselves. We are expected to boast of our strengths and deny and hide our weaknesses. You don t typically go around boasting about your weaknesses when you want to be taken seriously as a qualified, authoritative leader. Think of political campaigns: a candidate is strong on crime, strong on fiscal responsibility, strong in the face of enemies. Their only weakness: loving this country too much. Any candidate that dared to bare their true human vulnerabilities and weaknesses would be attacked and preyed upon, like vultures to a dying animal, and would see their stature and prestige plummet along with opinion polls. You do not boast of your true weaknesses and claim them as strengths. Imagine if we did that, if we boasted of our weaknesses the same way we inflate our strengths on a resume. Maybe the next time I head into a job interview, I ll give it a try: OK, Chris, tell us about yourself. Well, I tend to overeat, I watch a lot of TV instead of reading, I m fond of naps, I can be hypersensitive and anxious, sometimes I find it exhausting to be around people, and sometimes I cry for no reason And I d love to be your next pastor! I might only get away with that here. What would it be like if we shared and admired weakness - - our own and the weakness of others - - recognizing that these qualities are but just a part of who were are, and not our defining or damning characteristics? What if we recognized that our weaknesses could be, not the opposite of strength, but the potential for strength in a different form? What if we transformed our human weaknesses into a strengthened reliance on God s grace? Now, unlike Paul, I don t aim to boast about my so- called weakness: I do not want you to think that I am uniquely brave, nor do I want to romanticize depression or mental illness in general. I simply feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with you, to let you know me a bit more, and to share the message that you are not alone 4 "Paul's Humiliation," Rev. Bryan Findlayson, Lectionary Bible Studies and Sermons, Pumpkin Cottage Ministry Resources. Includes detailed textual notes. From textweek.com for 2 Corinthians 12:

4 and that you are a vessel for God s love and grace no matter your thorns. I have tried to embrace and understand my thorn, and to uncover the ways in which I can utilize my depression to my benefit and the benefit of others. Yes, sometimes I would absolutely love to awake one morning feeling bright and cheery, and never experience another moment of inexplicable, crippling despair or unprovoked sadness - - but that is simply not how I am or who I am, so I might as well make meaning and purpose out of my condition. It is just as Paul writes in his first letter to the Corinthians: whatever condition or situation you were in when you were called by God, make use of that to proclaim your faith and God s grace 5 ; for God is present in all of our conditions. Whatever your situation, make use of it. I am not quite able to say that my particular thorn has been a gift, though I hope that - - in my acceptance and journey with it - - I have made use of my depression, hopefully even extending some of God s love and grace in the process. The thorn itself has not been a gift, but maybe it has fostered other gifts. While the shadow side of my depression has led me to feel isolated, incompetent, numb, and stuck, it has also afforded me a unique perspective that I feel has deepened my empathy. The ironic benefit of my occasional numbness seems to manifest in a form of level- headedness and the ability to avoid a panic or crisis mentality, or get too drawn into drama. I also attribute some degree of my creativity and twisted sense of humor to my depression. However, it is that same depression that makes writing and sharing those positive things about myself seem shameful, foreign, and overly boastful! And it is because I am under the influence of depression that I so often feel shame, humiliation, and inadequacy. No one does this to me; I do it to myself. But I cannot rely only on myself to transform these awful feelings, my pain, the thorn in my flesh. If I am to do this, I need to own, embrace, and proclaim my weakness. But most of all, I need God s presence and transformative power. It is in our times of suffering and weakness that we most often call upon God and long for God s presence, grace, and power to be made known to us. And nowhere is God s power made more fully present than in the resurrection of Christ. Because of his afflictions, Paul found comfort, healing, and strength in the grace of God through the resurrected Christ. And just like Paul, I need that resurrected Christ. For the sake of my mental health, I need the resurrected Christ. When I am wracked with anxiety and filled with self- hatred, I need the resurrected Christ. When my blunted emotions and isolation impede my ability to show love, and make me feel unworthy of love, I need the resurrected Christ. 5 I Corinthians 7:

5 When I choose self- destructive and self- defeating coping mechanisms instead of life- giving and healing practices, I need the resurrected Christ. When I feel disconnected from my body and my spirit, I need the resurrected Christ When my depression clouds my perception of reality and of myself, I need the resurrected Christ. When my depression feels like incarceration, and is bearing down on me like a merciless, torturous prison guard, I need the resurrected Christ. And it is only the enduring love, holy peace, boundless grace, and eternal liberation of the resurrected Christ that can give me greater hope. Make no mistake, don t misunderstand me: I need the therapy, the medication, and the love of my support network to cope and heal, but I could not recognize or engage with any of that if it were not for the hope I find in the resurrected Christ I cherish this opportunity to share the thorn in my flesh with you - - not with the hope that you will think more or even less of me, or to boast or even humble- brag - - but with the hope that my sharing might lead you to share as well, and that you might come to a place where you can transform - - even a little bit - - your weakness into a testimony of God s grace. At the very least, I hope to be a witness, to let those of you who struggle with your mental health know that you are not alone, and that you are deserving of and are a vessel for God s grace. Your thorn might bring you shame, carry a stigma, or cause you humiliation. Your thorn might make you feel unworthy, broken, alone, or isolated. Perhaps you feel a crippling amount of shame because of what you or others have labeled as a weakness. You may have a thorn in your flesh, but that does not mean that you are not a beloved Child of God. Perhaps, even, you are just that much more valuable to God and valued by God because of your thorn or your weakness. Don t be ashamed. Be transformed. Be resurrected. Embrace, proclaim, even boast of your weakness. For God s power is made perfect in weakness 6. Amen. 6 II Corinthians 12:9b 5