The Last Laugh by Arjuna Ardagh. Chapter Five. I stepped back into the short alley, then into the street. The light drizzle,

Transcription

1 The Last Laugh by Arjuna Ardagh Chapter Five FLEETING HEAVEN I stepped back into the short alley, then into the street. The light drizzle, lit up by passing headlights, fell to the earth like millions of tiny diamonds. The sidewalk glistened under my feet as the tickle in my lower belly spread throughout my body. I was invigorated, consumed with lust for it all: the people, the food, the jeweled luminous moisture. The city smells of cooking caressed my body. Chinese, Indian, Italian all fed my insatiable lust for raw experience, for life itself. Finally I was pulled, bursting with appetite, into the magic world of Taco Bell. I looked around at the shiny small tables, the illuminated pictures of the kitchen s offerings, the abundance of small packets of hot sauce, and I knew: the world was infused with a divine and benevolent intelligence. The short journey from the door to the counter felt liquid. I was swimming through myself, through an ocean of living presence. I was received at the counter, still holding my rose, by the divine mother. I wanted to fall at her feet in adoration, but instead opened my arms wide in a greeting of recognition. She was black and huge, more than two hundred pounds of pure divinity. Her hair was braided into hundreds of little multi-colored beaded ropes. Her eyes were enormous saucers of

2 infinite love, absolutely still in their capacity to embrace the suffering of all humanity. Next, spoke the goddess of all creation. I get it; she s undercover, pretending to be a poor and uneducated woman working for minimum wage. She s good, really good. She s probably fooled most of her customers, but she doesn t fool me. I looked back into those deep pools of compassion with a devotion I could not suppress. A super burrito, please, I asked, trying not to blow her cover, and then, unable to fully hide that I saw her, I added, Your eyes contain galaxies. She looked a little startled, and peered at me. Excuse me? she asked. Your eyes are very, very beautiful, I said, standing my ground. Uh... thanks? Want anything to drink? The divine mother cares only for her children, thinks constantly of their every need. Sprite, I replied. She took my money, keyed some codes into her cash register, and turned her back on me to take a foil-wrapped offering from the display. Turning back, she dropped her disguise for a moment. She beamed. Every cell of her body was smiling heavenly love. You have a nice day now. The mother had blessed me. I kissed the rose, and offered it to her. She did not refuse it. A sign. As I continued down the counter, I saw another incarnation of divinity, a young man of 20 or so, sporting a goatee and a musketeer mustache. A gold hoop dangled from one ear, and his oiled hair lay in ringlets on his

3 shoulders. His eyes were bright, laserlike. As they fixed onto me for a moment, a spark of fierce energy ignited between us. Mother had brought Shiva along to help with the tacos. Need anything more, man? asked Shiva, jutting his jaw toward me in a gesture nudging me further into the cosmic void. Nothing more than this, I beamed. It s all perfect. It s all utterly perfect. We are blessed. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as we shared this brief moment of rapture. Cool. Thanks for choosing Taco Bell, replied Shiva, obviously also undercover. I winked at him, and took my sanctified foil-wrapped prize to a vacant table. I wished I had a second rose. As I unwrapped the burrito I was flooded with gratitude such care and love had gone into the creation of this miracle. Rice and beans were cradled together in a cheesy sauce. I sank my teeth into the sacrament acutely aware of the food passing through my mouth and down into the belly. The bliss intensified. I had no idea that nectar such as this could be served under such humble cover. I was making hot wet sticky love to all of it. As I sipped my Sprite I tasted rose petals and sacred fragrant herbs from the Himalayas. The entire staff were celestial beings. Their eyes completely blew their thin disguises, no matter how bored or unhappy they pretended to be. Shiva came out from behind the counter and began wiping off the little stand where more packets of hot sauce were made available for devotees.

4 He was so close to my table now that we could talk without being overheard. He leaned toward me. Hey man, what are you on? he asked. It must have been a divine riddle. It has no name, but one drop of this has destroyed all that is not love, I replied. Surely he would follow my coded language. Hey, man, got any more? It is infinite; it is everywhere, once you know where to look. Could you get me some of what you took? Shiva was serious. Although full of Grace, he was longing to drink yet again at the fountain of eternity. I reached into my jacket pocket and found the check Sam had written on the night before. I copied the number for Shiva. Hey, thanks man. Cool. He reached out his hand. Carlos. I shook the hand, winked at him as though to say I ll call you Carlos, but I know who you really are, and returned to my blessed burrito. As I stepped out again into the night drizzle, I noticed the invasion of divinity was not restricted to the fast food restaurant. God was everywhere in many disguises: waiting at bus stops, walking along hand in hand, even playing at being a street person. Each and every person I saw became immediately fascinating to me. I had to restrain myself from rushing up to people randomly to ask if they would like to have a drink, share intimate secrets, let our hair down, and go really deep and get real.

5 As I turned from Broad Street onto Moulton to catch the bus, a wave of doubt came over me like a visitor from nowhere. Thoughts began to coagulate again: Am I just fooling myself? Has anything really happened? Am I just projecting all this divinity onto ordinary people? Then I saw the sign, a direct communication from the intelligence that protected me completely. Across the street was an enormous billboard blaring the slogan: Your Search Ends Here. I knew it was meant for me, a direct confirmation that what had been found was real and true. I stopped dead in my tracks and held my hands to my chest. Oh, yes! I called out aloud. Yes, it is over, the search is truly over! I stood there, gazing in awe. A couple, walking arm in arm down the street toward me, stepped aside to avoid me, looking embarrassed and intrigued. I can t believe how emotional people get about a search engine, I heard the man say sarcastically to his companion. I floated along the remaining few blocks to the bus stop in unwavering contentment. The light drizzle made my hair and face damp, but even that and the cold of the night mysteriously added to the sense of unconditional pleasure. Nothing was out of place anywhere. Nothing was resisted; nothing needed to be different than it was. The bus arrived at the stop at exactly the same moment as I did. Perfect, just perfect, it s all part of the great plan. I recognized the driver riding the bus for the last several months I had come to know every driver on this route. But tonight I realized I had seen only a face. Now I could feel the real

6 man. I was getting the picture. Everyone was undercover, pretending to be small and suffering. Almost everyone had persuaded themselves to believe their own disguise. The driver must have been in his mid-50s, with graying hair brushed back and a lined face with pockmarked skin. His whole presence smelled of fatigue, of a life lived oblivious to any passion. His eyes flickered, betraying a fear he might be suddenly accused of wasting precious human birth. Howyerdoin, he grunted to me. Very, very good, I replied, in a voice that also said, It could not get any better than this. I could not lie. I had been living a lie for too long. He peered at me through the decades of habit. Something deeper than words or even thought was calling out to be rescued from the damp cellar. Well, you have a good night, came the driver s response, still speaking in automatic transmission, while his eyes said: I desperately want to dance and love and laugh and scream. I want to make love all night. I want fifth gear. I took my seat in the bus and looked around me. The world was fresh, new, and interesting. I felt I had just arrived on a flight from Pluto. Suddenly the world was 3D, where it had been flat. There were only a few other passengers. As I looked into each one, I saw an exquisite mystery trapped inside a personal soap opera. I wanted to jump up and pull the emergency cord and shout, Listen, none of this is necessary! You are not what you think! You can shake off your habits of self-restraint with one

7 finger snap and be free. But a sign above the cord warned of huge fines for improper use, so I restrained myself, exploding with urgent love. Arjuna Ardagh 2012