Unit 3 Channeling Anger It is not that I am incapable of anger, but I succeed on almost all occasions to keep my feelings under control. - Mohandas Gandhi By misapplying anger, we not only destroy our relationships with others, we also wound ourselves in ways that are difficult to heal. - Arun Gandhi 67
Rationale for the Components of This Unit ACTIVITY #1: Anger Profile p. 69 This activity puts students in touch with what made Gandhi angry and then invites them to identify how they deal with their own anger and begin to evaluate their behavior. ACTIVITY #2: What Gandhi Taught His Grandson Arun About Anger p. 72 This activity offers a short course in Anger Management, based on Arun Gandhi s experiences with anger and what his grandfather taught him as a 12-year-old. This teaching provides the framework for the next three activities which offer specific strategies for implementing Gandhi s teaching. ACTIVITY #3: Calming Down Disciplining Your Mind p. 78 This activity offers students a variety of ways for breaking their impulses to lash out, for further calming down when they find themselves getting angry. ACTIVITY #4: "I-Messages" & "Verbal Muscle" p. 80 This activity teaches students how to use words, appropriate words, for dealing with others when they are angry; how to be verbally assertive instead of passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive; thus, how to be respectful of both themselves and others. ACTIVITY #5: Anger Impact Statement p. 85 As a way of concluding this unit, it is important to look back over our use of anger in a variety of conflict situations and how we may have hurt others, perhaps seriously at times; and then have the opportunity to begin to clean up our mess. While we can t change the past, we can certainly reach out to those we have hurt. Making amends will be considered much more fully in Unit 5. See Also: The SOS Process Solving Our Situations (Unit 4, pp. 94-98) This activity is derived from the Violent Offender Program at Missouri Eastern Correctional Center, where violent offenders are helping other violent offenders deal with their anger and the situations where they usually lose it. While this process is a little more detailed and structured than Arun Gandhi s Anger Journal and focuses on all aspects of nonviolent problem-solving, it is also helpful for getting a handle on anger and responding more positively. 68
ACTIVITY #1: Anger Profile STEP 1 What Got Gandhi Angry? Have students read the quotations on What Got Gandhi Angry? (p. 70) and write their answers, perhaps sharing them in pairs before discussing them as a whole class. Use the GANDHI Video, Part I, 2:00 5:00, to show the episode of Gandhi s being thrown off the train at Pietermaritzburg for traveling in a first-class compartment. STEP 2 What Gets You Angry? Have students write their answers to question #1 on Anger Profile Worksheet (p. 71), perhaps sharing their answers in pairs before discussing the question as a whole class. Look especially for what they have in common. STEP 3 How Do You Usually Deal with Your Anger in These Situations? Have students write their answers to question #2 on Anger Profile Worksheet, perhaps sharing their answers in pairs before discussing the question as a whole class. This time look especially for the variety of ways they deal with their anger and write the different ways on newsprint for posting. STEP 4 What works best for calming yourself when you re really angry? Have students write their answers to question #3 on Anger Profile Worksheet, perhaps sharing their answers in pairs before discussing the question as a whole class. Look especially for the variety of ways they use to calm themselves down and write the different ways on newsprint for posting. STEP 5 - What Works for Dealing with the Issues Underlying Your Anger? Clarify with students what this question means and some of the ways they probably have used or thought about talking about it with the person, talking about it with a friend or counselor, writing a letter; but many times they probably didn t choose to deal with the issue(s) and just stuffed it or went off on the person. Have students write their answers to question #4 on Anger Profile Worksheet, perhaps sharing their answers in pairs before discussing the question as a whole class. As part of the class discussion, look especially for the variety of ways they have dealt with the issues and write the different ways on newsprint for posting. 69
What Got Gandhi Angry Frustration with one of his students in S. Africa One of them was wild, unruly, given to lying, and quarrelsome. On one occasion he broke out most violently. I was exasperated. I never punished my boys, but this time I was very angry. I tried to reason with him. But he was adamant and even tried to overreach me. At last I picked up a ruler lying at hand and delivered a blow on his arm. I trembled as I struck him. I dare say he noticed it. This was an entirely novel experience for them all. The boy cried out and begged to be forgiven. He cried not because the beating was painful to him; he could, if he had been so minded, have paid me back in the same coin, being a stoutly built youth of seventeen; but he realized my pain in being driven to this violent resource. Never again after this incident did he disobey me. But I still repent that violence. I am afraid I exhibited before him that day not the spirit, but the brute, in me. AUTOBIOGRAPHY, pp. 414-5; quoted in ALL MEN ARE BROTHER, p. 29. If you were Gandhi in that situation, what would you have done? And why? Gandhi said: I still repent that violence. I am afraid I exhibited before him that day not the spirit, but the brute, in me. If you had done what Gandhi did, would you feel the same way he did? Why or why not? Misbehavior by his sons I have always been opposed to corporal punishment. I remember only one occasion on which I physically punished one of my sons. I have therefore never until this day been able to decide whether I was right or wrong in using the ruler. Probably it was improper, for it was prompted by anger and a desire to punish. Had it been an expression only of my distress, I should have considered it justified. But the motive in this case was mixed. AUTOBIOGRAPHY, p. 415, quoted in ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS, pp. 29-30. Gandhi felt guilty about this physical punishment because he thought it was prompted by anger and a desire to punish. Would you have felt guilty if you were in this situation and did what Gandhi did? Why or why not? Injustice: being thrown off the train at Pietermaritzburg The disgraceful episode drove [Gandhi] to an extreme of anger from which he was to emerge a new and enlightened man who learned that the energy of anger could be used to create peaceful solutions that would affect the world in a far more positive way. LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 18 (see pp. 17-19 for the whole episode) How did Gandhi deal with his anger in this situation? How would you have dealt with it if you were in his situation? 70
Anger Profile Worksheet 1. What are some things or situations that really make you angry? What s the issue or reason in each case? Write down the issue after each thing or situation you identify. 2. What are some of the ways you have handled your anger in these situations in the past? 3. What works best for calming yourself when you re really angry? Why do you think this has been effective for you? 4. What works best for you in dealing with the issues that are underneath your anger? Why do you think it works well for you? 71
ACTIVITY #2: What Gandhi Taught His Grandson About Anger Note: See LEGACY OF LOVE, pp. 72-79, for the whole version of the summary that follows and the Arun Gandhi s Video on Lessons I Learned from Grandfather. STEP 1 Wrong Ways of Dealing with Anger Have students read the Gandhi quotations (p. 73) and write their answer the questions, perhaps sharing them in pairs before discussing them as a whole class. It s especially important to focus on how anger is often used to intimidate. STEP 2 Recognize the Positive Role of Anger Have students read the quotations on p. 74 and write their answer the questions, perhaps sharing them in pairs before discussing them as a whole class. Be sure to focus on the focus on the questions about channeling anger positively and regarding it as a warning system that something is wrong. STEP 3 Calming Down Disciplining Our Minds Have students read the quotations on p. 75 and invite clarification questions before having them write their answers to the questions. Be sure to note that there are two different points here what you can do in the immediate situation to calm down and then what kind of practice can you do longer term to become a more disciplined, focused person. STEP 4 Respond Respectfully Have students read the quotations on p. 76 and write their answer the questions, perhaps sharing them in pairs before discussing them as a whole class. These quotations will serve as the value basis for the Activity on I-Messages and Verbal Muscle (pp. 80-84) that will offer a specific ways of putting these values into practice. STEP 5 Keep an Anger Journal Daily Have students read Arun s description of his Anger Journal (p. 77) and answer the question, perhaps sharing their answers in pairs before evaluating this idea as a class. Discuss the possibility to using this tool for a day or week, using the Components identified on the sheet. 72
Arun s Situation What Gandhi Taught His Grandson Arun about Anger Arun wanted eye for an eye justice as a 12-year-old boy being taunted and beaten by both Blacks and Whites in South Africa. In desperation, his parents sent him to India to live with and learn from his grandfather. Can you identify with Arun s situation and the anger he experience? How so? Wrong Ways of Dealing with Anger 1. Lash out at the other By misapplying anger we not only destroy our relationships with others, we also wound ourselves in ways that are difficult to heal. Have any of your relationships been destroyed by anger? What happened and why? How does anger wound ourselves sometimes? 2. Deal with the conflict but in the wrong way, by getting our way We assume that by using the power of anger to intimidate, we can compel our opponents to accept our own correct way of thinking. We do this with our children when we scold them, and with adults when we threaten or criticize them. Instead of resolving the conflict, these responses cause it to escalate. When words tumble out of our mouths with biting sarcasm, they cannot be retracted. Sometimes bullets fly out of guns with less damaging effect Have you ever tried to intimidate others with your anger? How did you do it? Did you get the results you wanted? If not, what could you have done that would have worked better? Have others tried to intimidate you with their anger? How did they do it? What were the results? 73
Positive Ways of Dealing with Anger 1. Anger has to be channeled positively like electricity. Probably a hundred times during an average working day, each of us is called upon to make decisions about the anger that we feel. Should we consume our lives with angry outbursts when faced with conflict, or would it be better to use the energy positively, so that we and those who surround us can learn and grow with experience? How can you use the energy of anger positively? Give some examples. Anger is good, Grandfather said, and I am glad to see you can be moved to anger Anger, you see, is to people what fuel is to an automobile. Without it, we would not be motivated to rise to any challenge, and life would be no more than mere existence. Anger is an energy that compels us to define what is right and wrong, good and bad, just and unjust. Anger is also like electricity. Electricity is powerful so powerful, in fact, that it can cause devastating destruction if it is mishandled or abused. But if channeled properly and intelligently, it is highly useful to humankind Then Grandfather explained that we can avoid all the evils that anger leads to if we regard it as a warning system that something is wrong. If we can control our thoughtless responses and pause to analyze the situation carefully, anger will provide the energy we need to think of ways to resolve disputes nonviolently, with positive results. LEGACY OF LOVE, pp. 74-75 How is anger like fuel for a car? What good can come from anger? How is anger like a warning system that something is wrong? Back to Gandhi s being thrown off the train at Pietermaritzburg The disgraceful episode drove [Gandhi] to an extreme of anger from which he was to emerge a new and enlightened man who learned that the energy of anger could be used to create peaceful solutions that would affect the world in a far more positive way. LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 18. How did Gandhi use the energy of anger to create peaceful solutions? Are there any situations in your life, school, or community where the energy of anger could be used to create a peaceful solution? How so? 74
2. Calm down and develop a disciplined mind When anger takes control of our minds, we become violent, shouting irrationally at each other, or worse. In these outbursts the casualty is Truth. The ability to respond to anger nonviolently will come to you through constant practice LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 73. Have you ever found yourself shouting irrationally at others? Do you do this often? What s behind most of your violent outbursts? learning to think and act nonviolently does not happen without great effort. For many generations we have been conditioned to respond to conflict with violence, and transformation cannot take place simply because we want it to. In my own case it required the discipline, each time I felt the presence of anger, to force myself to interrupt the process. Hard work and sacrifices are necessary if we are to, as Grandfather urged, live what we want others to learn. LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 76 Arun says each time I felt the presence of anger, to force myself to interrupt the process. What does he mean interrupt the process? What technique could you use to interrupt the process each time you feel your anger rising? Grandfather told me to sit quietly each day for 1 minute before some pleasant object a flower or photo. Then close my eyes and keep that image in front of my mind for as long as I could. It was hard, but gradually I increased my time and focus. What good do you think comes from this kind of quiet, focused sitting? If you were going to do this, what object would you choose to focus on and why? What could make this difficult for you to do each day? Do you think it would be worth the effort to try? Why or why not? It was a struggle for Gandhi too. But he thought it was worth it: It is not that I am incapable of anger, for instance, but I succeed on almost all occasions to keep my feelings under control. Whatever may be the result, there is always in me conscious struggle for following the law of nonviolence deliberately and ceaselessly. Such a struggle leaves one stronger for it Young India, October 1, 1931; quoted in ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS, p. 78 75
3. Respond respectfully when we re angry: If we respect others as human beings, we rarely act rashly or irresponsibly toward them, and so we rarely have to say, I am sorry. With thoughtfulness and respect for others in the presence of anger, we can channel anger into goodness, and make choices that heal, rather than aggravate, the divisions we encounter. LEGACY OF LOVE, pp. 24-25 Arun says thoughtfulness and respect for others in the presence of anger are necessary if we want the situation to turn out positively. What does it mean to be thoughtful and respectful when we are angry? And appeal to the good in others: The basis for Grandfather s belief in the philosophy of nonviolence lies in the Hindu conviction that all people are endowed with good and bad qualities. If we appeal to a person s bad qualities, then what emerges is conflict and violence and, on the other hand, if we appeal to good qualities, then what emerges is compassion and understanding. The proof of this can be seen every day. When we yell or curse at someone, we get the same in return. On the other hand, if we love and show compassion to even the most hard-hearted, he or she will ultimately respond with goodness. We cannot plant an apple seed and expect to reap oranges. LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 127 Name the person(s) with whom you are the most angry and write at least two good qualities after their name(s): Give some examples from your own experience of how yelling or cursing at someone escalated the problem rather than helped to solve it. Give some examples of how love and showing compassion helped to resolve the problem. Does a positive response always work? Gandhi says even the most hard-hearted person will ultimately respond with goodness. Do you agree? Why or why not? What relationships are worth the effort if it might take a long time for the other person to respond positively too? 76
4. Keep an anger journal daily Every time you are moved to anger, stop and write down who or what caused your feelings and what the circumstances were what was said and by whom and why. Most importantly, I want you to create and write down a solution to each problem so that everyone is happy. Whenever you need help finding the right solution, come and talk to me. But before you come to me, I want you to exercise your own good judgment Arun did what his grandfather asked and says this about his efforts: This daily exercise transformed my life in substantial ways. Without it, I might easily have become sullen, emotional and embittered, inflicting enormous damage upon myself and those around me. Studying the implications of anger in this way also made me aware of how one violent person affects the lives of so many. LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 76. How can not dealing with your anger make you sullen, emotional and embittered? What could be the enormous damage to ourselves and others that anger can lead to? What do you think of Arun s Anger Journal? Could it work for you? Components for Each Entry in Your Journal Who or what was the occasion for your anger? Describe the situation with all the appropriate circumstances what was said, by whom, and why What did you do (ignore the person, stuff the anger, respond aggressively, took it out on someone else )? What could you do better the next time so that everyone is respected, perhaps even happy? 77
ACTIVITY #3: Calming Down and Disciplining Our Minds STEP 1 Breakers to Prevent Lashing Out Most of our angry outbursts are because we have not learned to curb our impulses, especially our tongues. Have students read this first section on the Some Ways of Calming Down When You re Angry Worksheet (p. 79), evaluate together the examples of breakers provided, and brainstorm additional possibilities. Have each student choose their own breaker STEP 2- Identify Ways to Calm Down Use the Worksheet to identify a variety of ways of calming down. Read over the two lists and invite students to identify additional possibilities in both categories. STEP 3 Evaluate These Possibilities Have students answer the evaluation question after each list, perhaps sharing their answers in pairs before discussing them as a whole class. STEP 4 Making a Decision Have students write their answer to the final question on their own decision. If you are using the Your Experiments in Love/Kindness Worksheet (pp. 23), have students record their decision on that Worksheet as well. STEP 5 - OPTIONAL: Longer Term Strategies for Curbing Our Impulses Arun Gandhi writes: Gandhi considered discipline in general, but the discipline of the palate in particular, essential for the understanding and practice of nonviolence, which calls upon one to suffer all kinds of discomforts and privations in the interest of willing justice and transforming an opponent s heart. LEGACY OF LOVE, p. 30 Gandhi was able to control his anger for the most part because of the kind of disciplined life he led. Fasting from food was a frequent practice. But he also fasted from speaking at times to curb his impulse to speak thoughtlessly. Have students discuss these two types of fasting and whether either could be helpful to them in some way. Brainstorm other ways of curbing our impulses. Invite students to make a decision about making any of these possibilities a part of their own life and how. 78
Some Ways of Calming Down When You re Angry Breakers to Prevent Lashing Out Most of our angry outbursts are because we have not learned to curb our impulses, especially our tongues. What can you do right away to break your impulse to lash out? Have a word or phrase to say to yourself- e.g., Help, Ease on down, Be me Wear or write something you can glance at right away on your hand or wrist Close your eyes for a moment or squeeze your lips What else: Possibilities for Further Calming Down Some People Need to Be Physical Yell outdoors by yourself Punch a pillow, punching bag, bed or pound your fists on each other Grit your teeth and clench your fists Run or walk around the block Jump up and down Work out Do physical chores e,g,, digging in a garden, Slam a door Tear up old paper or a magazine Others you have tried: Why do these physical actions work for some people? Some People Need to Relax Walk slowly Take deep breaths Listen to gentle music Count to 10 or 20 or Write in a journal Meditate Others ways you have tried: Why do these relaxing actions work for some people? Respecting yourself and respecting others means that you need to find ways of dealing with your anger that don t hurt or disrespect yourself and that don t hurt or disrespect others. What are you going to do from now on to calm yourself down better when you get angry? Write your decision here. 79
ACTIVITY #4: "I-Messages" & "Verbal Muscle" STEP 1 Four Components of I-Messages" Have students read the essay on Use I-Messages When You re Angry (p. 81) and invite clarification questions before having them answer the questions. Have them write their answers to the questions, perhaps sharing them in pairs before discussing them as a whole class. Use the " I-Message and Verbal Muscle" Worksheet (p. 82) to further clarify the meaning and value of these processes. Use the More Practice Making I-Messages Worksheet (p. 83) for practicing this process. STEP 2 The Four Levels of Verbal Muscle" Introduce the four levels of "verbal muscle," perhaps writing them on newsprint or the board. Use the example on the worksheet and then apply these four levels to other examples that might be more appropriate for your students. Invite students to offer examples from their own lives and brainstorm how to apply the four levels to these examples. STEP 3 Practicing Verbal Muscle" Pair students and have them take turns using the "I-Message" component of "Verbal Muscle" on a situation(s) in their lives where they have been angry. After completing Level 1, have the partners add Levels 2 and 3 to their statements. Finally, have them add Level 4, the follow-through step, to their statements. Have students identify any difficulties they had with using "Verbal Muscle" and brainstorm ways of overcoming these difficulties. STEP 4 - OPTIONAL: Cold Water Words" Have students read the essay Dampen Anger with Cold Water Words (p. 84) and explain what they think this phrase means Have them answer the first question and share them with the class; write these on newsprint for posting. Add your own "cold water words" and times when you used them. Have students answer the last question and add their answer to their Your Own Experiments with Love/Kindness Worksheet (p. 23) Adapted from A Volcano in My Tummy: Helping Children to Handle Anger, by Elaine Whitehouse & Warwick Pudney (New Society Publishers, 1996). 80
Use I-Messages When You Are Angry By James McGinnis We are so quick to judge others, so quick with you-messages. But you-messages usually escalate a conflict. You lazy jerk! Lazy jerk? Who do you think you are, some kind of almighty judge? All you do around here is complain! You never...! We know exactly how such exchanges take place and how they can escalate into a full-blown fight. Imessages can break this cycle of verbal violence and offer us a third way to deal with conflict. Many people know only two -- fight or flight. Sometimes walking away from a situation is prudent. But in many situations it would be better to challenge the injustice or stand up for yourself, but to do so without violence. The best I-messages generally have four components: I feel... when... because... and I need... For example, I feel angry, used, and a little confused when you don t do what you say you will, because I end up doing everything and feeling resentful the whole time, so I need you to follow through on your commitments. This is so much more productive and respectful than starting with a you-message. If this direct statement doesn t produce the desired result, you can try restating it but more forcefully; e.g., I m not sure I made myself clear just now. I really do feel resentful when... If this still doesn t work, you can try adding a consequence that you can follow through with. For example, I keep telling you how angry I get and how hard it is when we re having company if you don t do the tasks you agree to do. If we can t share the preparation, I don t think I can agree to have friends over as often as you would like. Finally, if this still doesn t work, you can take it to the next level and carry out the consequence. This kind of verbal assertiveness is a critical skill for everyone to learn. It takes practice. But it also requires a different attitude or mind-set. It s really a spiritual discipline. I take ownership over my own feelings. I respect the dignity of others and refuse to hurt them with my words. I look at my own behavior honestly and refrain from judging others and jumping to conclusions. I m sensitive to others feelings and try to understand why they are acting the way they are. But I don t let myself be violated or victimized. I take a risk to stand up for myself, but I refuse to fight. What situations are you in where the four-step I-message would be a good alternative to fight or flight? How could you practice being more verbally assertive when this is appropriate? 81
"I-Message & Verbal Muscle" Worksheet The Four Phrases for an I-Message 1. I feel (angry, hurt, scared...) 2. when (say what happened) 3. because (why it upsets you) 4. and I would like (what you want to happen or change) The Four Levels of Verbal Muscle Level #1 -- The "I" Message -- Give an "I" message -- Look the person in the eye and state clearly how you feel and how you want things to be different. For example, "I felt hurt and angry when I found out you told others about what I shared with you in confidence, because you re my friend and I trusted you. I need you to keep my secrets to yourself." Level #2 -- Getting stronger -- Restate your "I" message with emphasis. -- For example, "I mean it. I felt hurt and angry when you told others my personal stuff. You re my friend and I trusted you. I don t want you telling anyone my personal business." Level #3 -- Add a consequence -- Restate your "I" message and say what you will do if the other person doesn t stop. When you make a threat, though, it must be something that you can carry out. -- For example, "I m really frustrated that you keep revealing stuff I tell you not to. If I can t trust you, I can t really talk to you like a friend anymore. Level #4 -- Follow through -- Restate your "I" message and do what you said you would do. -- For example, "I really feel betrayed. You told someone else about that stuff that happened to me. I said if you did, I couldn t be your friend. So I guess that s it. Sorry. 82
More Practice Making I-Messages Make I-Messages for the following situations. Remember the format: I feel when because and I want. A classmate gets caught taking something from a school locker and tells the person it was your idea. One of your good friends has been ignoring you lately. You don t know if something is wrong. A guy you know keeps pestering you about going out with him. A classmate keeps teasing you about the clothes you wear. It s starting to bother you a lot. A friend is telling sexist jokes. A friend is telling racist jokes. A classmate is pushing around a younger student. A friend keeps pressuring you to smoke pot with him. Adapted from CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL, Educators for Social Responsibility, Cambridge, MA; 1987 83
Dampen Anger with Cold Water Words By James McGinnis Often in anger, and especially when we are tired or stressed, we say things that we regret. Feeling hurt or attacked, we counter-attack with words and gestures that only fuel the flames of discord and escalate the negative situation. It takes some self-control, but there are words and ways to defuse or de-escalate a conflict. Some practitioners of anger management call these cold water words. More and more I am learning how helpful they can be. For example, I can remember saying to one of our sons as a teenager, in the midst of an argument where we both had clenched our fists and were in each other s face - - we can do better than this. I didn t say, You can do better than this. No, I took responsibility for my own part in the conflict and appealed to the best in both of us. A friend told me he has used the expression let s not go down that road in a number of conflicts at work. Many people use the expressions don t go there or don t be trippin on that or I m not going there to head off a battle before it can begin. Maybe you re right can also calm a conflict down. Let s start over is a great way to stop a battle before it gets further out of hand and to remind ourselves that we can indeed do it differently. All these expressions have a way of cutting both the emotional tension and the physical rush of adrenaline that are part of an escalating argument or fight. The inner attitude that nurtures these outward conciliatory expressions is reflected in Gandhi s words that are common to most religious traditions -- Love your enemies. We can put this principle into practice in several ways. First, we can decide that we will refuse to think of those with whom we are in conflict as enemies in the first place. We need to try to see this person attacking me verbally, perhaps even physically, as a human being like ourselves. Secondly, we can try to understand where they are coming from. They may be just as fearful, if not more so, than I am. Thirdly, I can decide to be a more positive person in general and look for the best in people. When others are being critical, I can refuse to join in or perhaps I can even challenge them. As my grandmother used to say, If you can t say anything good about someone, then don t say anything at all! What cold water words might work for you? Is there a person in your life that you are pretty hostile toward? Would you like to have a better relationship with this person? If so, what could you do to reduce the hostility between you two? 84
ACTIVITY #5: Anger Impact Statement STEP 1 Clarify the Anger Impact Statement & Brainstorm Examples Explain the questions (p. 86) and brainstorm as a whole group ways that anger can hurt ourselves as well as others STEP 2 Complete the Statement Have students identify one situation to focus on and complete the Statement Offer heart-shaped pieces of construction paper as well as index cards as options for writing down their decision and remembering to do it. If you are using the Your Own Experiments with Love/Kindness Worksheet (p. 23), have students record their decision on this Worksheet as well. STEP 3 OPTIONAL: Set a Time for Reporting Back If it seems appropriate for your class, set a time with them for reporting back on their progress carrying out their decisions. 85
Anger Impact Statement 1. Have your actions done in anger ever hurt you? If so, how? 2. Choose one situation in which your actions done in anger hurt someone else. Describe what you did and how you think your actions affected that person. What feelings do you think that person experienced? What thoughts went through their mind? How did they act? 3. List some of the things you could do even at this point to make amends for your actions. 4. Write the person s name on an index card or a heart and on the back write at least one action you will take to mend the hurt. Carry this card or heart with you as a reminder to carry out your decision and to think first before acting in anger in the future. 86