How To Feel Brave When You Don't Feel Brave By Kelly Swanson Huffington Post (12/8/16) The Fear Epidemic Whenever I sit in a meeting, I don t say what I m thinking. I sit there with all these ideas and never say a word. I m not sure they will like them. I don t want to sound stupid. I don t understand why everybody else keeps getting the promotion. I m just as good as they are. Aren t I? I hate networking events. Walking into a room full of strangers makes me break out into hives. I end up clutching my glass of wine and standing in a corner looking for someone I know and praying for the night to end so I can go back to my hotel room and watch TV. I have such a hard time selling myself. I don t know what to charge. Any number I choose sounds like too much. I feel desperate on a sales call. I have always wanted to start my own business. It s been a dream of mine for years. But I m just too afraid. What if it doesn t work? What if nobody buys? What if it fails? What if I end up looking like an idiot?
I know I m not happy in this relationship anymore. I wish I could leave. I ve known it for years. But I just can t seem to take that first step. What would I do next? Where would I live? What if I end up alone? Recognize any of these emotions? What do they all have in common? Lack of confidence. If you find yourself scared to take risks, unsure of your abilities, terrified of looking stupid, measuring yourself and always coming up short - then you re in the right place. And you re certainly not alone. In fact, most people feel just like you do. I know, because I meet thousands of people every year, in all walks of life, from the stay-at-home-mom to the business owner, and most of them tell me that they struggle with a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. It s time to stop the epidemic. You were meant to read these words today. They are being whispered into your ear as truth. There are no accidents. This is a divine appointment, and you have been selected to receive a gift. Yes, you. Don t question it. Don t doubt it. Believe it. Trust it. Today your new belief becomes bigger than your fear. Pick A Fear, Any Fear Just about every adventure in my life has come with a healthy dose of fear. I was afraid I wouldn t find a husband. I was afraid this husband wouldn t last. I was afraid I wouldn t be a good mother. I was afraid my new book was going to be an epic fail. I was afraid they would discontinue my favorite eyeliner. With every new stage and every new audience, I still feel the old familiar hammering in my heart and the What If train comes rolling in at full speed. What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if they laugh? What if they don t laugh? What if my butt looks big in these pants? Our lives are being dictated by emotion. Our fears, when given too much power, will determine our course. My fear of selling will make me weak in negotiations. My fear of my audience will take away my authority on stage. Our fear of change might get us fired at work. Our fear of failure will keep us from trying. Our fear of winning will keep us from trying. Fear is an emotion, something we feel, and how we feel determines how we think and how we act. Fear has consequences. Take a moment to look at how your fear is affecting the quality of your life and the decisions you make. Recognize The Fear My most recent fears have been centered around the creation of a new online training program. This is a giant new step for me - WAY out of my comfort zone. I have no idea
what I m doing. I ve been a motivational speaker for fifteen years. I know the stage. But becoming a trainer? I don t know that world. I feel like I ve been living in Florida my whole life, and suddenly I m dropped off into a random field in Wisconsin in the middle of a blizzard, barefoot and with no coat. Often we go through life on auto pilot, not even understanding how our fear is dictating our life. The first and maybe even biggest step is to become aware of the inner script when fear creeps in. When you feel the familiar emotion (anxiety, pit in your stomach, negative thoughts, bitterness, anger, sadness, self-doubt, fear, etc.) stop and spend a moment with it. What fears are you facing today? What is that inner voice whispering? Take a minute and write them down. We ll wait. Honor The Fear I still remember being a child and having my father help me with my homework. The more he explained fractions, the less I understood, and the angrier he became. Inevitably, I would begin to cry, which made him even angrier. Oh, for crying out loud, he would say, this isn t worth getting upset over! And I would nod and cry even harder. My father was taught that emotions were to be stuffed down. His father s term of endearment was, Man up Nancy! No matter how we learn to deal with our emotions, the fact is that we have them. We are humans. Emotions come with the deal. Fear is not a bad thing. When we are afraid of fire because it s hot, that protects us. Having an unexplained gut instinct about danger will likely protect us from that danger. We all have fears. It s human nature. We shouldn t feel ashamed for what we feel. It s not a weakness, it s an indicator. Let yourself have the feeling. Honor emotions for the reason they were given to us. Take a moment and cut yourself some slack. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to kick something, then kick it. Just make sure it s soft. You are allowed to feel. Dig Deeper Into the Fear With this new online course I was creating, I felt a constant ball in my stomach. If I had ignored it, it would have manifested itself in many negative and physical ways. But I chose not to ignore it. I detected it, honored it, and dug deeper to find its root. At first I thought it was too hard and I didn t really know what I was doing. But I had hired a good team of people I trusted to do the work. When I dug deeper, I realized I was afraid people wouldn t buy it, or that they would buy it and find it stupid. When I dug even deeper, I hit the fear that I ve been carrying my whole life - the fear that I am not good enough. Once I was able to get to the root, I knew I would be able to help myself put that fear in its rightful place. Often what we think we are afraid of is not really what we are afraid of. The surface fears are often just triggers for a deeper fear. Often that deeper fear is something we ve been
carrying around since we were children on the playground. I was the kid they picked on. I was the one they laughed it. I was the one who didn t fit. Makes sense that today that voice would still be talking - the one telling me I m not good enough for them. Now that you ve stated your fear, see if there s something deeper. Find its root. Is there anything else you are really afraid of? Move The Fear Once I was able to detect the fear and its root (I m not good enough) and honor the feeling I was having, I then had a good honest look at it to determine its validity. Just because we feel it, doesn t mean it s true. Truth trumps emotion. With every fear, I have to honestly ask myself if there is any truth to it. If I m afraid I m offending people, then there might be some truth to that feeling. I have to take that emotion and ask myself if there is proof that this is true? Just because I feel it, doesn t make it true. I asked myself if I was good enough to teach. Is there proof that I am an expert? Is this feeling based on fact? In my research, I came to the educated conclusion that I am good enough. Thousands of people have paid me to teach them from a stage, to help them in a coaching capacity, people who have read my articles and comment on their value. Why would online coaching be any different? The fear was not the truth. It was time to put it in the back seat and let truth drive this car. Fear is a good gauge, but a bad guide. What about you? Are you letting fear drive the car? Take a moment to analyze from an intellectual perspective whether there is any proof to your fear. And one person telling you that you re stupid, or even two, doesn t mean it s true. There are plenty of people who didn t believe I was good enough to be a motivational speaker. They were wrong. Still A Little Left Over Fear? Try This. There s a little game I play every time I face a new fear. I know that we re supposed to visualize success. I m a firm believer that where you look is where you land. So maybe I m breaking the rules. But it s works for me, and maybe it will work for you. It s a game I call What If...Then and to play this game you walk through this fear as far as you can, stating your What If, and answering with a Then.... Here s how I did it with this fear of my online training program: What if this training program is stupid?
Then it will be stupid. Won t be the first time you ve looked stupid or had a stupid idea. What if people want their money back? Then you ll give them their money back. Don t spend it until you know they won t ask for it back. What if I priced it too high? Then you ll lower it, silly. What I priced it too low? Then you ll raise the price. What if everybody is talking behind my back about what an idiot I am, and how crazy it was of me to create this course, and what do I know about training? And those videos are stupid. Look at her hair. Does she really think that s professional? She wasn t telling me anything I didn t know already. This is basic. It s not worth my time. She should be paying me for taking that course. I m going to tell everyone I know until the day I die that Kelly Swanson is a fraud and doesn t deserve to breathe air. She will never work again in this town, or in this country for that matter. We will have billboards made that say Kelly Sucks - we ll even put it on her tombstone. Okay. Sounds a little extreme. But what if this really would happen? Which you know it won t. But what if...are you willing to give it a try anyway? This is the same place you were standing in when you decided to become a speaker, isn t it? You had no guarantee, no clue, no proof, and plenty of people actually telling you that it was stupid. And what did you do? You jumped anyway. And how did it turn out? Yeah. I know. A dream come true. You had some stupid ideas along the way, didn t you? Yep. Those stung. But in the end, did it really matter? Aren t you kind of glad you tried them, even if they didn t work? Because some did work out, didn t they? You re standing in the same place again, my friend. Time to decide if your dream is bigger than your fear. You can walk away. But then would you spend the rest of your life wondering what if you had taken the risk? Welcome to my head. A lot going in there, right? Needless to say, I chose to jump and risk the fall. Why does this game work? Because we are often afraid of change. Or at least we think it s change we re afraid of, but what we are really afraid of is not being prepared for it. We are afraid of what we cannot see. So walking through the story of the What If, and the Then, allows me to face the fear, walk through it, and see that it was something I was willing and able to face again without it killing me.
Write Your New Truth Once I was able to put the emotion in the back seat, I had to educate the driver. I had to create the truth statements that would overpower this negative emotion and ensure my successful future. Here s where I visualize success. My Truth Statements: I have spent my life studying the power of story. The formulas I have created have been proven over and over in front of thousands of audiences. I know what I am talking about. I am an expert on this topic. I have the successful career to prove it. I speak in over 70 venues a year. My success grows each year. I have been speaking for 12 years. There is proof (the income, the bookings, the testimonials, the standing ovations, the spin off business, the people who send me letters) that I am very good at what I do and have the ability to teach other people how to do it too. I have built a strong community of followers who read what I write, who value what I have to say, who consider me someone who had a strong positive influence on their life. One was enough to make me happy. Hundreds are proof. I have helped people for years craft stories that sell. I have never met someone I couldn t help. I have been able to take what started as a weak story and help turn it into a masterpiece. I have been able to take my gift and help them add magic to their words. I have seen the difference, and those watching have seen the difference. And my clients have seen the difference. They keep coming back. That is proof. I have the respect of my peers and those that I have always looked up to in this business. I have the affirmation and proof that I can stand among the giants and hold my own.
There will be people who don t find value in what I do. That s okay. I ll give them their money back, and at the end of the day, consider it their problem, not mine. Not everyone can be pleased, and that s okay. I can t be something for everybody, but I will certainly be everything for a few. I. Am. Good. Enough. What about you? Are you ready to write your new truth statements? Go ahead. Don t wait. Act On Your New Truth Once I have written my new truths, it s time to act fast or the emotion will try to jump back into the front seat. Fear is clever. He knows that if he waits it out, he ll find a weak moment to strike. That s why I always try to act on my truth in a way that commits me to action. When I decided to start bringing music into my programs, I went out and bought an electric piano. Nothing like spending hundreds of dollars to force you into action. With my online training program, I hired a team of people to do the work I didn t know how to do, and I invested in myself. I put money down - not on them - but on me. No going back now. Invest in yourself. Find a way to act on your new truth. Maybe there is one phone call you need to make. Stop right now, while you re inspired, and make it. Do it. We ll wait. Bravery Comes Down To Choice If there is anything you truly receive today, may it be these words: If you wait to feel brave, the moment may never come. So don t wait to feel it. Choose to be it. Choose it enough, and one day...... you ll wake up and it just is. That is how you make your dream bigger than you fear. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE BRAVE? If you made it this far, then I congratulate you. You are serious about making this change.
You are aware. And that s the biggest step. If you forget, or if fear creeps into the front seat again, print this article and review. Thank you for following me on this journey. I knew our paths were meant to cross. Yours In Courage, Kelly Swanson