CFC SINGLES FOR FAMILY AND LIFE CHAPTER ASSEMBLY TOPIC HEALING WOUNDED HEARTS AND MENDING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS SPECIFIC OBJECTIVES At the end of this session, the participants will be able to: 1. Understand that community is not perfect and understanding and patience is needed 2. Realize that their CFC SFL brothers and sisters are works in progress 3. Learn how the proper attitude in handling conflicts in community METHODOLOGY Talk Proper Activity 45 minutes 15 minutes SPEAKERS PROFILE A CFC SFL Household Servant or Couple Servant living out the principles of this talk. EXPANDED OUTLINE I. Introduction Growing in the Lord in community is a life-long process where we develop many new friendships and lasting relationships. In this process, however, many misunderstandings occur and many hearts are bruised, hurt and broken. Even after staying with CFC SFL for quite a time, we continue to experience being bruised, wounded and broken in our lives and service. For most of us, we step in and out of the ICU of the heart quite often. Let us discover the reason for this. II. How Do We Get Our Hearts Bruised, Wounded and Broken Let us examine the trail of hurt and brokenness in CFC SFL. A. This story in community: After the CLS, we are very much on fire that we resolve to change our lives. We become joyful and enthusiastic. We are excited of the new things that we are experiencing in community. But, somewhere along the way, while serving with one another, we experience hurt, disappointment and frustration. Then, we become: critical, cynical and negative unloving and mean apathetic, cold and uncaring
Not one among us would want this to happen but the truth and reality is this unloving side of us emerges when we get hurt or disappointed. B. What are the common sources of hurt in CFC SFL? 1. Unmet expectation especially from our leaders. a. Unloving leaders (in words and/or in deeds) b. Unloving brethren (the gossip, unfair judgments and generalizations, lack of loyalty, love and concern, etc.,) 2. Rejection. Rejections happen when we: - Are transferred us from household to household; - Are being passed over in the choice of leaders (In this case, we appear to be emphasizing the SERVICE of the Lord and not the LORD of the service.) 3. Not having our own way. We feel that the community is too demanding or imposes on our free will. There are a lot of do s and don ts. Sometimes, our suggestions are seemingly not considered or given value. 4. Lack or poor communication within the CFC SFL structure and network. These miscommunications result to misunderstanding. 5. Failure of CFC SFL to provide pastoral care. When we are new, we expect to be taken cared of and nourished through the households. When this does not happen, we get frustrated and question our joining of the community. All of these, among other causes, can lead to brokenness easily seeping in our relationships in community. This can lead to further brokenness because when we are vulnerable, we allow our old nature to come back the demons of our past. SO WATCH OUT! C. The Demons of the Past What are these demons of the pass that haunt us or even possess us? They are our:
1. Negative nature our being contentious, our complaining a lot, being critical, and possessing a malicious spirit (e.g. wanting to have our own way; being rebellious against authority) Note: Share the story of the old woman There was an old woman who went to a tour in Europe and visited one of its most beautiful and historic castles. The guide noticed that this woman would stare extremely close to each painting, statue and furniture on display. The guide thought to himself, This woman must admire the perfect beauty of all the artwork in the castle. He couldn t help himself anymore so he approached the woman and commented, Isn t it fabulous, Madame? So much beauty in one place! The old woman replied, Yes, not one speck of dust on any of them! Explanation: Isn t it a pity how many of us miss the beauty, the grace, and the blessings that surrounds us all because we choose to seek only the speck of dust, the bad experiences, and the evil in the world. Eventhough there are a lot of good things happening in community, because of occasions that caused disappointments and hurts, we choose to be blind to them. We only choose to see that bad stuff. 2. Bad moods. 3. Wrong attitudes and conduct lack of trust in leaders. a. Possessing the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit. b. Cardinal sins: pride, greed, lust, etc. D. These demons, when not controlled, can cause hurts and disappointment in others which in turn, bring back their demons. This is a vicious cycle that must be stopped. We should allow Jesus, who is more powerful than these demons to take control of us. We must surrender to His authority and will for us. III. The Healing and Mending of Our Hearts in Christ Healing Begins When We Discover Our Strength is in God and Through One Another A. God is the source of our strength. We need to understand that we have difficulties in dealing with hurts and we remain broken unless we allow God to strengthen us. Example: A sister, who was unfairly charged, slandered and condemned by her elders and brothers and sisters in CFC SFL. She was hurt and wanted to hurt but she fixed her eyes on the Lord and found the strength and grace to respond lovingly. While praying before the crucifix this thought came to her mind: If Jesus, who was all good and did nothing but to love and serve his brethren, underwent trials, misunderstanding, and death on the cross, how could I, so full of sin, think that I could experience life (even service) differently? B. We are wounded healers. CFC SFL is not a perfect organization but it is God s gift to us. Despite our individual imperfections, our hurts and wounds, we continue to administer to one another as wounded healers.
a. We experience hurts and pains, but with brothers and sisters also in pain (many times, even greater pain), our hearts are capable of expanding in compassion for their hurts. And we begin to intercede for them. b. We are hurting but victorious! We experience real pains but we are capable of rejoicing in the Lord by not focusing on our hurts but by consoling others who are hurt. When we heal others, we also heal ourselves. c. This condition in our community also helps us become tolerant and patient with one another when we experience conflicts in service. Remember that God is not finished with all of us yet. We are all in different stages of becoming men and women of God. d. Areas for conflict are vast and we will find something to debate on since people have different orientations and ways of thinking. But conflict is not the issue, what is important is how we deal with these conflicts. Will we choose to love or hate our brother/sister? e. Always guard unity. When in conflict, always think of the betterment of the whole body. Our point may be right but sometimes, love and understanding is more important. with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace: (Ephesians 4:2-3) C. Claiming healing and victory is only through the way of the cross. The war has been won; we only have to claim it. Note: The speaker can share a personal experience of pain while in the community and how fixing your eyes on God and the support of CFC SFL has helped you overcome it. A. Receiving Victory 1. Cultivate a grateful and contented heart to God s goodness. a. Foster openness, a forgiving heart, and an upbuilding spirit vs. a critical and negative one. If someone appears to have wronged us, interpret his actions positively. We should not judge motives or intentions. Instead, give a positive interpretation to the motives of that person. This is giving that person a plus (+) sign. b. Shift our mindset and attitudes. We must begin to look at difficulties as opportunities and stepping stones rather that limitations and obstacles. (ex. Trials strengthen us.)
2. Relate with one another with honor and respect (topic 2 weeks ago). 3. Pray unceasingly; otherwise, demons will come back. 4. Remember that we are God s sons and daughters, men and women of the Spirit. IV. Conclusion Let us not nurture our resentments. Yes, disappointment can happen and cannot be avoided, but how we deal with it matters. Let us all choose to be loving and good just like Jesus. These challenges in relationships help us to grow and mature as Christians. Remember to look at problems and difficulties as stepping stones. Remember that CFC SFL is God s gift to us. This is where He will toughen us up to face life s difficulties. Let us protect it. Let us build it up in love and understanding. ACTIVITY 1. The speaker will lead the participants to a reflection. Music, with the message of healing may be played. 2. The speaker asks the participants to recall their past hurts and disappointments in community. The speaker reminds them that these experiences are events and not the people. People can change if they are loved. 3. The speaker asks the participants to let go of these hurts and choose forgiveness. Only forgiveness can set us free from the bondage of our ill feelings. 4. After the prayer, the speaker encourages everyone to conduct the household topics for the month for further understanding of the topic.