WISDOM LIT (Part 2 - How to be Parent of the Year) Introduction: Parental wisdom from our small group: Don t stress about the hair. It ll wash out. Pick your battles. (And you re the parent so you can win them.) Turn the table on its side. Two questions: What do you need most as a parent? What do your children need most from you? GRACE!
Until you have the wisdom to see where grace comes from, you won t be able to receive grace. And if you re not receiving grace, you won t be giving grace. (Two Reminders): Proverbs is about situational choices. Wisdom is growing in our understanding of how to apply God s Word to God s world. Proverbs are not promises. Remember, Proverbs are condensed truths about how life generally works out when you dance with wisdom or when you dance with folly. The problem with interpreting Proverbs as promises Proverbs 22:6 6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Cain and Able grew up in the same household Parenting techniques (follow these steps to produce the child you want) What changes lives? A list of rules? Or a growing love for Jesus Christ? Wisdom is growing in our understanding of how to apply God s Word to the children God has given us. Purpose today: You need grace from God to give grace to your children. In His grace God wants to give you the wisdom to lead your children to Wisdom. THE GOAL OF CHRISTIAN PARENTING Proverbs 1:32-33 32 For the simple are killed by their turning away, and the complacency of fools destroys them; 33 but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster. Isn t that what every parent wants for their children? To dwell secure? The goal of Christian parenting is not just children who behave well, but children who behave well because they know Christ.
With the right mixture of fear and guilt, I can get my children to obey in the short term. But my desire is not that they obey for five minutes or even five days. My desire is that they obey for fifty years! And that will take something bigger and brighter than fear and guilt. The primary reason our children fail in their doing is that they fail to grasp at a deep, heart level what Jesus had already done. (Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus) God wants to give you the wisdom to lead your children to Wisdom. So, if that s the goal of Christian parenting, how do we actually do it? Part 1: WALK CONSISTENTLY Proverbs 1:7 7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. A) If wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord and Christ is the wisdom of God, then your parenting begins and ends with a consistent walk with Jesus. Nothing will speak so loudly to your children as your own personal walk with Jesus. It s not about perfection. It s about consistency. Your children will never be what you yourself are not. If you re not secure in God s grace, then your children will not be secure in God s grace. If you don t understand the difference between the law and the gospel, then neither will your children. Are you consistent and are you consistently growing? Part 2: DISCIPLINE DILIGENTLY Proverbs 13:24 24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 22:15 15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Spanking (Corporeal Punishment) Agricultural society This cycle of plowing, sowing, and harvesting involved the entire family in ancient times.
two months of ingathering (olives) two months of sowing cereals two months of late sowing a month of hoeing weeds a month of harvesting barley a month of harvesting (wheat) and measuring (grain) two months of grape harvesting a month of gathering summer fruit. 12-year old taking over family finances Proverbs 23:13-14 13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. Victims of wolf attacks may be repeatedly bitten on the head and face and dragged off and consumed. Joseph has been torn to pieces and eaten by some wild animal. (Gen. 37) The boy who cried wolf, the big bad wolf, the werewolf, wolves in sheep s clothing, etc. Proverbs 29:17 17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. The point we re trying to get across to our children is that there are consequences of behavior. Like a wolf, a bad choice can eat you alive. It can devour your life. We want our children to embrace wisdom because ultimately we re dealing with matters of eternal destiny. This is why they need to be disciplined (not punished) consistently. This is why being consistent is so important. To discipline our children takes discipline. The word discipline comes from the word disciple, which means learner. Part 3: PARENT REDEMPTIVELY It s not just that they need to be disciplined, but they need to know why they re being disciplined. Proverbs 29:15
15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Discipline (rod) Reproof (teaching) Reproof is correction. Now, if you re in middle school or high school, you might be asking, Well, why should I listen to my parents? They re only human. They re not always right. No, they re not. But here s a question. Why even listen to Solomon? His life end badly. Are there people who give good advice, but don t follow good advice? Proverbs 19:27 27 Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. Spiritual success today does not guarantee spiritual success tomorrow. Your parents are correcting you because they don t want your life to end badly. Here s the warning: 26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you, 27 when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you. 28 Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. 29 Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord, 30 would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, 31 therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices. Your own wisdom will ultimately deceive you. That s why we all need teachers. The primary teacher of the child is the parent. Proverbs 1:8-9 8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, Proverbs 23:22 22 Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Now, we don t want them to obey for the sake of obeying. We want them to understand. Proverbs 3:1-8
3 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. 3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Children have to understand why they re being disciplined, but they need to understand why they re being disciplined in light of the gospel. What does the Lord say about that? Turn their behavior back to their heart and their need for Jesus The goal of Christian parenting is to go after our children s hearts. We want them to understand their heart, the source of their behavior. Remember Proverbs 22:15, Folly is bound up in the heart of a child. We want them to understand why they do some of the things they do. We point their behavior back to their heart to show them their need for Jesus. We show them their need for Jesus because we have seen our need for Jesus. Part 3: PARENT HUMBLY Ephesians 6:1-4 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Dad s and anger Proverbs 12:16 (NIV) 16 Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. Proverbs 14:17 17 A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.
Proverbs 14:29 29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. A lot of men mistake loudness for authority. They don t understand that godly authority can be quiet and gentle in its answer. They don t know the difference between authority and authoritarianism. As you parent, it s important to remember you parent in the context of the gospel where God has adopted you as His child. God is now your Father who demonstrated His love for you by sending His Son to die for your folly. In other words, you ve received grace, so you can give grace. Hebrews 12:5-6 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. We can parent humbly when we recognize that we re being parented by God as our Father. He disciplines those He loves and if you don t recognize any of His discipline in your life, then Scripture says you re not His child yet. Romans 8:15 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, Abba! Father! Foster care gospel God is our Father. Some people object to this idea. It s often said that the only reason we refer to God as Father is because the culture of biblical times was male dominate. There are feminine images used throughout Scripture to describe God's compassionate and loving nature. Isaiah 66:12-13 But it's important to note that God is never addressed as Mother.
If patriarchy is responsible for cultures portraying God as male, then we would expect goddess worship to reflect a matriarchal society one in which women are given superior status or at least are equal to men. But this is not the case. Even today, many societies devoted to goddess worship remain oppressive toward women. Devotion to the goddess Kali in Hinduism, for instance, has never resulted in better treatment of women, even among Kali devotees. (Simon Chan, professor of theology) God being our Father is at the heart of the gospel, because the Father sent His Son to die in our place. The Son loved and obeyed the Father who said of His Son that He was well-pleased with Him. The gospel is about a Father who sacrifices His Son for the children He loves and a Son who sacrifices Himself for the Father He loves. God is our Father. He is our Parent and has made us stewards of our children that we might point them back to Him. CONCLUSION: Did you grow up with a parent you couldn t please? God doesn t ask you to please Him. He asks you to look to His Son with whom He is well-pleased. If what you need as a parent most is grace, then are you going to Christ for the grace you need? Do you have a consistent walk with the Lord? Are you growing in your love for Christ? Are you struggling with the guilt over your grown children who no longer walk with the Lord? We serve a God of the future who covers the past. Purpose today: You need grace from God to give grace to your children. In His grace God wants to give you the wisdom to lead your children to Wisdom. Hebrews 4:16 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. And if you re a parent, you know that is daily.