CHURCH FOOT.BALL PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC

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Shana Daniels
6 years ago
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pray, work, or apparently do anything but

you realize the sermon is almost over and

1 CHURCH FOOT.BALL Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit. Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the sermon. Halftime - The period between Sunday 5chool and worship when many choose to leave. Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week s illustrations. End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member. Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life. Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer. Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings. Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime". PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - PASSTIMESAZ@LIVE.COM

2 YOU CAN MEASURE A MAN BY THE SIZE OF HIS HEART READ YOUR BIBLE! MANY OF THE BLESSINGS WE SEEK IN PRAYER, CAN COME TO US ONLY THROUGH THE WORD OF GOD "INCREASE YOUR BRAIN POWER"...AUTHOR SARAH BELLUM

I AM ONE SMART COOKIE, TW0 WISE CHOCOLATE CAKES AND

the American colonies, Anne Clarke of the

being deserted by her husband, Denis Clarke.

2, 1811, Timothy Pickering, a Federalist from

by publicly revealing secret documents communicated

1, 1863, a farmer named Daniel Freeman submits the

4 I AM ONE SMART COOKIE, TW0 WISE CHOCOLATE CAKES AND THREE BRILLIANT PANCAKES CHRISTMAS IS LOVE IN ACTION - DALE EVANS * On Jan. 5, 1643, in the first record of a legal divorce in the American colonies, Anne Clarke of the Massachusetts Bay Colony is granted a divorce after being deserted by her husband, Denis Clarke. * On Jan. 2, 1811, Timothy Pickering, a Federalist from Massachusetts, becomes the first senator to be censured. Pickering was accused of violating congressional law by publicly revealing secret documents communicated by the president to the Senate. * On Jan. 1, 1863, a farmer named Daniel Freeman submits the first claim under the new Homestead Act for a property in Nebraska. The act legalized the longstanding practice of squatting on the vast federal landholdings in the West. * On Jan. 6, 1925, at New York's Mad-

WE ARE GOD S HANDIWORK, CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS TO DO GOOD WORKS, WHICH GOD PREPARED IN ADVANCE FOR US TO DO.

He would run a total of 55 races before returning home, losing only his last race, a half -mile sprint.

7, 1947, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" becomes the No. 1 song on the U.S. pop charts.

Johnny Marks later used the story to write the song, which sold more than 2 million units in its first year alone. * On Jan.

Watergate Committee. Nixon would resign from office in disgrace eight months later. * On Jan. 3, 1990, Panama's Gen.

5 WE ARE GOD S HANDIWORK, CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS TO DO GOOD WORKS, WHICH GOD PREPARED IN ADVANCE FOR US TO DO. EPH 2:10 ison Square Garden, Finnish longdistance runner Paavo Nurmi makes his first American appearance. He would run a total of 55 races before returning home, losing only his last race, a half -mile sprint. Some newspapers speculated that Nurmi had lost only out of politeness to his hosts. * On Jan. 7, 1947, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" becomes the No. 1 song on the U.S. pop charts. The story of Rudolph began in 1939, when retailer Montgomery Ward created a holiday book to give away to children. Johnny Marks later used the story to write the song, which sold more than 2 million units in its first year alone. * On Jan. 4, 1974, President Richard Nixon refuses to hand over tape recordings and documents that had been subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee. Nixon would resign from office in disgrace eight months later. * On Jan. 3, 1990, Panama's Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega surrenders to U.S. military troops to face charges of drug trafficking. In 1992, the former dictator was convicted of drug trafficking, money laundering and racketeering, and sentenced to 40 years in prison. (c) 2017 King Features Syndicate, Inc.

6 "WINNING BIG"...AUTHOR JACK POTTS SOMETIMES, WHEN LIFE KNOCKS ME DOWN, INSTEAD OF GETTING BACK UP I LL LAY THERE AND TAKE A NAP "GROWING UP IN THE BALKANS"...AUTHOR HUGO SLAVIA

1. A mechanic 2. A B 3. His 4. Y 5. The Post Office 6. Edam 7. Envelope 8. Short 9. Nothing 10.

POWER. - ABRAHAM LINCOLN RIDDLE ME THIS! 1.

What do you call a bear without an ear? 3.

What is the most curious letter in the alphabet? 5.

What kind of cheese is made backwards? 7.

7 1. A mechanic 2. A B 3. His 4. Y 5. The Post Office 6. Edam 7. Envelope 8. Short 9. Nothing 10. Lettuce NEARLY ALL MEN CAN STAND ADVERSITY, BUT IF YOU WANT TO TEST A MAN'S CHARACTER, GIVE HIM POWER. - ABRAHAM LINCOLN RIDDLE ME THIS! 1. What do you call an Amish man with his hand in a horse s mouth? 2. What do you call a bear without an ear? 3. A man rode in to town on Tuesday, and left two days later on Tuesday. How so? 4. What is the most curious letter in the alphabet? 5. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has thousands of letters? 6. What kind of cheese is made backwards? 7. What word begins and ends with an E, but only has one letter? 8. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? 9. Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it, you ll die. What is it? 10. I have a head but no body, a heart but no blood. Just leaves and no branches, I grow without wood. What am I? "VACATION SPOT IN THE TROPICS"...AUTHOR SANDY BEECH

8 A GOOD HEART IS A CONTINUAL CHRISTMAS THE PROBLEM WITH BEING WELL INFORMED IS THAT IT GIVES YOU SO MUCH MORE TO WORRY ABOUT STOP WAITING FOR PRINCE CHARMING. GET UP AND FIND HIM. THE POOR IDIOT MAY BE STUCK IN A TREE OR SOMETHING...

MORALITY: NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE IF YOU DON T HAVE CHRISTMAS IN YOUR

your Divine Son to redeem us by his death and resurrection and to give us new

How many times in the past we have forgotten this sublime dignity.

target of our criticism is a child of God and is indeed wellloved by the same

So, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be

9 MORALITY: NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE IF YOU DON T HAVE CHRISTMAS IN YOUR HEART YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT UNDER A TREE A PRAYER Merciful Father, you sent your Divine Son to redeem us by his death and resurrection and to give us new life. By this you make us your children to love one another in Christ. How many times in the past we have forgotten this sublime dignity. We have sinned against our brothers and sisters; we have offended you. Merciful Father, forgive us. Repenting sincerely of our sins we ask your mercy; may we always live as your truly devoted children. Amen. A TRUTH Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. (Rom 15:14) AN INSTRUCTION Rebuke each other lovingly, keeping in mind the target of our criticism is a child of God and is indeed wellloved by the same Creator Who made you and me. So, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. A HOPE Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. (Ps 141:5) GOD IS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT YOU THROW A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR JESUS; HE LL ALWAYS BRING GIFTS

11 WHEN LIFE IS STRESSFUL, DO SOMETHING. GO FOR A DRIVE. GO TWO OR THREE THOUSAND MILE AWAY. CHANGE YOUR NAME WHY AREN T ANY SIDE EFFECTS GOOD? JUST ONCE I D LIKE TO READ A MEDICATION BOTTLE AND SEE MAY CAUSE EXTREME AWESOMENESS. ONLY GOD CAN FULLY SATISFY A HUNGRY HEART

I WIL DRINK YOU UNDER THE TABLE...I WHISPER TO MY COFFEE AS WE HIDE FROM THE CHILDREN.

following sage observation: "A poor idea well-written is more likely to be accepted than a good idea poorly written.

Julenisse puts gifts under the tree. And instead of cookies and milk, children put out a bowl of porridge for him.

However, recent research suggests that there's not as much truth to the trope as many think.

painters during the year following a loved one's death were worth about 35 percent less that other works by the same artist.

* Those who enjoy making calculations have determined that Santa would have to visit nearly 900 homes every second to finish all his

* The first time a news event was shown in a motion-picture film reel was in 1896, and the subject was the coronation of Russian Czar

12 I WIL DRINK YOU UNDER THE TABLE...I WHISPER TO MY COFFEE AS WE HIDE FROM THE CHILDREN... LOVE IS A FURNACE, BUT IT WILL NOT COOK THE STEW * It was 20th-century American professor and noted author Isaac Asimov who made the following sage observation: "A poor idea well-written is more likely to be accepted than a good idea poorly written." * According to a Scandinavian tradition, Christmas gifts aren't delivered by Santa Claus or Saint Nicholas -- a little gnome called Julenisse puts gifts under the tree. And instead of cookies and milk, children put out a bowl of porridge for him. * It's commonly believed that misery sometimes can beget genius -- the stereotype of the tortured artist is ubiquitous. However, recent research suggests that there's not as much truth to the trope as many think. According to a study titled "Death, Bereavement and Creativity," recently published in the journal Management Science, works created by painters during the year following a loved one's death were worth about 35 percent less that other works by the same artist. Those paintings also are significantly less likely to be included in the collection of a major museum. * Those who enjoy making calculations have determined that Santa would have to visit nearly 900 homes every second to finish all his deliveries on Christmas Eve. * The first time a news event was shown in a motion-picture film reel was in 1896, and the subject was the coronation of Russian Czar Nicholas II. * Like many of us, those in the Netherlands celebrate Christmas on Dec. 25. However, the children there eagerly await the arrival of "Sinterklaas" on Dec. 5, when children receive their presents. The name Santa Claus supposedly derived from older Dutch "Sinte Klaas." *** Thought for the Day: "We have to face the fact that either all of us are going to die together or we are going to learn to live together, and if we are to live together we have to talk." -- Eleanor Roosevelt (c) 2017 King Features Synd., Inc.

Preaching The Word of God

Preaching The Word of God 2Ti 4:1 I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; 2Ti 4:2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season;