Discography. Isn't Wasn't Ain't Radical History Tour Jesus Christ Morningstar Ticked Biblical Graffiti 1999

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2 Discography Isn't Wasn't Ain't 1993 Radical History Tour 1994 Ticked 1997 Jesus Christ Morningstar 1998 Biblical Graffiti 1999 Spoofernatural 2000 Keep the Change 2001 Grace Period 2002 Adam Up 2003 New and Used Hits 2004 Apol-acoustiX 2005 Hits The Road 2005 Wordplay 2006

3 Isn't Wasn't Ain't 1993 In March 1999, we finally gave in to years of fan requests and re-released our out-of-print cassette, "Radical History Tour," on CD. Actually, we'd produced a series of four studio cassettes in the old days (not counting numerous "live" cassettes), and "Radical History Tour" was the last and best in the series, although it still has its share of warts. We held off on re-releasing any more old material until 2003, the tenth anniversary of the release of "Isn't Wasn't Ain't (in the Bible)," the last cassette we released before "Radical History Tour" and our first professionally mass-produced cassette. "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" was significantly better than the cassettes we'd released before it, but not even as good as "Radical History Tour," which came out a year later. Consequently, we were hesitant to re-release it on CD, because we didn't want it to be the first taste of ApologetiX for a new listener.?however, many fans already had everything else we'd released and were eager for more. For Christmas 2003, we remastered a limited-edition 10th-anniversary "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" CD for the fan club. The response was overwhelming, but we later discontinued that CD. However, by early 2005, we'd added many new fans to the fold who wanted "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" for their collections. Consequently, we released "Isn't Wasn't Ain't: The Director's Cut," which included two bonus tracks which were on the original cassette in 1993, but not on the 10th-anniversary CD -- "Mrs. Protestant" and "God I Like About You." We also included two songs that were originally on our "Radical History Tour" cassette but didn't fit on that CD, "Love (Ain't Nothin')" and "Verynice City." If you're looking for stellar performances, "Isn't Wasn't Ain't: The Director's Cut" isn't, wasn't, ain't the CD for you. There's a reason we don't sell this CD in stores; it's only for our close friends and devoted fans. It's a good time capsule from 1993 (recorded June 3 and released July 17 that year) that will let you see how we sounded in our formative years, and it contains some great parody lyrics, but we had a lot to learn. It's a scary thing for us... like digging out photos of yourself from those awkward years and sharing them with somebody you're dating. In addition to lead singer/lyricist J. Jackson and lead guitarist/producer Karl Messner (who also sings lead vocals on "I Found the Answer There"), the musicians on "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" were Andy Sparks, rhythm guitar; Steve Kayner, bass; and Keith Harrold, drums. Background vocalists included J., Karl, Andy, original ApologetiX drummer Jeff Pakula, Jo Ann Herdt and Dana "Anad" Spallinger. Yes, we did deliberately go a little bit over the top with background vocals for comedic effect on a number of the songs. Special thanks also to our original bass player, Jerry Hayostek, who set us up with the recording equipment back in 1993, although he had already left the band by this time.

4 Isn't Wasn't Ain't (in the Bible) Parody of "Livin' Lovin' Maid (She's Just a Woman)" by Led Zeppelin Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 1 1 Corinthians 1:18-27, Galations 1:9 One of the first things that amazed me about the Bible was the number of things that WEREN'T in it! I think I remember getting the "Isn't wasn't ain't" parody hook line on McKnight Road in Pittsburgh on my way to Kinko's. It was a total gift from God. The first line of the second verse was a quote from a pastor in Pittsburgh in a sermon Karl heard. We threw it in, because it fit perfectly with the sound and structure of Led Zeppelin's original line, "Alimony, alimony, payin' your bills." We originally led off the cassette with this track (and named the entire "Isn't Wasn't Ain't (in the Bible)" album after it, obviously), because we'd finished the previous cassette ("Want it Dead or Alive? ") with a parody of Led Zeppelin's "Heartbreaker." And, as any classic rock fan knows, you can't play "Heartbreaker" without following it up with "Livin' Lovin' Maid (She's Just a Woman)." Listen the next time they play it on the radio. It's one of those song combos like "You're All I've Got Tonight/Bye Bye Love" by the Cars and "We Will Rock You/We are the Champions" by Queen. Journey has a few of those songs. There's some people who will tell you we can all be gods Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible They go around toutin' New Age quite a lot Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible I know Satan always tells a lie No matter how good it sounds Take a look in your Bible You can bet it isn t written down Purgatory, purgatory, wherever that is Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible Man, there ain t no place for payin off your sins Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible CHORUS Good and bad karma don t make sense to me Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible If you can t remember who you used to be Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible LEAD Somebody says that there are lots of ways Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible But you ll find out different on your dyin day Isn t, wasn t ain t in the Bible Of course, nobody told that to the folks at Atlantic Records. Although the original album leads off side two with "Heartbreaker" followed immediately by "Livin' Lovin' Maid," the cassette version put them on separate sides. They even released "Livin' Lovin' Maid' sans "Heartbreaker" on a single, as the flip side to "Whole Lotta Love." "Whole Lotta Love" entered the charts on 11/22/69 and went to #4, and even became the first single to go gold in the 1970's (not bad for a band that rarely released singles, let alone hit singles), and "Livin' Lovin' Maid" entered the charts on 3/14/70 as the flip side, peaking at #65. Jimmy Page & Robert Plant

5 David & Goliath Parody of "Paperback Writer" by The Beatles Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 2 1 Samuel 17, 2 Samuel 21:15-22, Ruth 4:17 This parody was written spontaneously at a Monday-night ApologetiX practice at Jeff Pakula's house as we were doing some free-form jamming. Yes, we're aware that the vocals are annoyingly sloppy, but that we cultivated that sound for humorous effect... honest! Here's a great funny story about that song from a fan named Matt Peckhart: "Guys, thought you would enjoy this story about 'Isn't Wasn't Ain't.' This past weekend my in-laws as well as some other family members and myself were painting the new drywall in our house. I brought the radio out and put three of your CD's in the player on shuffle. One of them was the 10th anniversary issue of 'Isn't Wasn't Ain't,' which is one of my top three ApologetiX favorites. "Now, my mother-in-law retired from teaching music at the elementary school after about 30+ years and still teaches piano, plays the guitar, and is the director of our small church choir. Anyway, the song 'David & Goliath' comes on and it is just about finished when she says the following. 'That takes a lot of talent to do what they're doing. The tendancy is to make it sound harmonious and nice.' She was serious, but in a very praising way. Finally, thank you for all of your work. It's touched more people than you know." John Lennon & Paul McCartney David & Goliath! David & Goliath! David & Goliath! You've heard about 'em it's a famous scene Between the Israelites and the Philistines The faced each other in the valley of Elah, But the battle fought was a one-on-one with David & Goliath, David & Goliath From the Philistine army came a burly man He was named Goliath, so you understand This one was wearing just a coat of mail But it was made of bronze and weighed 200 lbs. David & Goliath, David & Goliath As he challenged Israel to take the field He was waiting 40 days and wouldn't yield David came along, but he was just a child With a sling-a-shot he went a-runnin' to him. David & Goliath, David & Goliath David threw the rock, and you could hear the sound 'Cause it hit the Philistine and knocked him down Then he struck Goliath, and cut off his head And he saved the day, 'cause the Lord was with him. David & Goliath, David & Goliath

6 Lions Parody of "Signs" by Five Man Electrical Band Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 3 Daniel 6 I think I got the idea for this one about the same time as I got the first line or two for "Daniel" (in early 1992) but I didn't finish the lyrics to Daniel until 1995 or 1996, and we didn't release it until "Lions" was one of our most popular songs in our early days playing out. We probably played it at our first concert as ApologetiX in March 1992, as it was on our first cassette, "Get Your Wigs," which was a "live" performance we recorded in June In fact, the first time I ever heard of one of our songs being played on the radio it was the "live" version of "Lions" from that tape, being played by a DJ named Mike Murr at a small college radio station in California PA. Our drummer, Bill Rieger, didn't hear this recording until 2001 or 2002, and I think it was his favorite of our early recordings, largely because of the line, "Daniel, you down there with them lions?!!" which caused him to burst into laughter. He has quoted it a few times since. I remember the original version of this song from when I was a kid. Karl heard the Tesla version on the radio, and I think he thought it was a brand new song, and he liked it. We had so few "modern" songs, we decided to do a spoof. If I recall correctly, Tesla's version of "Signs" was the first "unplugged" hit, the one that started the trend.. Les Emmerson And Darius had lots of sneaky people giving him advice And they didn't like Daniel and that was that And they plotted to see him die They said "King Darius, let's make a short-standin' law now Here's what we'll do! So if anyone prays within the next 30 days To anyone other than you, we'll throw 'em to the Lions! Lions! In the den of lions! We're talking 'bout carnivorous great big wild lions Vicious golden cats -- Don't you feed the lions!" And Darius said "Anybody caught trespassin' this new law I have signed Will be tossed in a pit with a stone on the top In a den full of hungry lions!" But the king just couldn't figure out It was Daniel they were tryin' to get But you know Daniel still prayed, even three times a day Till they hauled him in under arrest CHORUS "Hey you, Daniel can't you read? You disobeyed the law, now the lions are gonna feed! You can't change the laws of Persians and Medes! Even the king can't free you!" Darius said "Sianora Daniel, hope you make it through the night" Hey, hey, watcha gonna do? Hey, hey, watcha gonna do? And Darius went back to his palace and he fasted And tossed and he turned on his bed When they hauled away the stone at the end of the night He didn't have the stomach to check So he went to the edge of the cavern He said "Daniel! You down there with them lions?" He said "Thank you king for thinkin' 'bout me I'm alive and doin' fine!" CHORUS *NOTE: Pronounce it "Dah-RIE-us" when singing this song.

7 Patients Parody of "Patience" by Guns N' Roses Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 4 Jeremiah 17:9; Mark 2:17; Romans 3:10-23; Proverbs 21:2 When I first discovered what the Bible had to say about general state of the human heart, I was fascinated, because it contrasted so sharply with what pop music and pop culture in general. Society wants to teach us that man is basically good and the heart is the best part about him, whereas the Bible says "There is none righteous, no, not one" (Romans 3:10) and the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." (Jeremiah 17:9) So we all have spiritual heart disease. We're sick. Thankfully, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17) I started thinking about this world as a great big hospital with some patients who are going to make it and some who aren't, all depending on who select as their physician and whether they submit to the treatment He prescribes. When Guns n' Roses' original version came out, I wasn't listening to secular radio (I was familiar with only "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Welcome to the Jungle"), but I was a camp counselor at church retreat, and some of the kids we were talking about were talking about it. However, one of the best ways to get me interested in a song is to hear people talking about it, so when we started doing parodies, I looked up the song, and very quickly came up with the "patience/patients" connection. There's nothing like a good homophone to spice up a spice up a parody. I don't know whether "patience" and "patients" are true homophones, but the way I pronounce them they are -- not that I'm homophonic, mind you :) We started playing this song live in May or June of 1992, and it was one of the more popular songs on our first cassette, "Get Your Wigs" (live). Karl sure could do a mean Axl Rose sway, which was always good for laughs. I shed a tear 'cause I'm wishin' you would just Open up your eyes You still think this world's a sunny day now There was a time when I thought so, too, but now I See it's all a lie There is no doubt it's not that way now Everyone is sick, you know And the world is not that kind All we are is just hospital patients There's a great physician, though And if He healed the deaf and blind Jesus Christ has what it takes to save us It says in Jeremiah, Chapter 17 The heart is sick; it's desperately deceitful Don't try and tell me that you don't sin And that your heart is squeaky clean 'Cause you know every person deals with evil Everyone is sick, you know And the world is not that kind All we are is just hospital patients You can choose to take the cure But if you don't, you'll end up dyin' The choice is yours; it's you who's got to take it And you can make it! Ah, you'll never shake it! But you can't fake it LEAD There's a doctor who can save your life That's Dr. Jesus Christ He's the only doctor in town You know He don't want to see you stuck in the ground And He'll ease your pain, 'cause that's why He came You're never gonna be the same, 'cause He'll heal ya Whoa! Yeah! He'll heal ya! Whoa! He'll heal ya! Whoa! He'll heal ya! Just try Him! Steven Adler, Duff McKagan, Axl Rose, Saul Hudson & Izzy Stradlin

8 Help Me, Rhoda Parody of "Help Me, Rhonda" by The Beach Boys Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 5 Acts 12:2-17 I think I remember writing this parody shortly after our first concert as ApologetiX at the Paradise Club in late March I went to 12 years of religious school growing up, and even though I wasn't a born-again Christian, I did pay attention in religion class, and I was always interested in the stories about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And I loved "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," even back when it was a much-smaller production in the early 1970's. My sister Kris has a songbook with the words and music, and she liked to sing the songs. I loved the song that told the names of Joseph's brothers. That was probably my first experience learning a list from the Bible through music, and it obviously had a big impact on me! Anyway, I thought the Jacob/Leah/Rachel love triangle story was very amusing and dramatic... and just begging to be told in a song. And that's how we got this parody. The germ of the idea originated with the "black water/that daughter" rhyme. I like Karl's acoustic guitar lead in this song. He really underestimates his ability to come up with neat little leads when we need something ad-libbed. Of course, a decade after "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" came out, most of our fans had never heard "That Daughter," so we gave them the headbanger's version of the story with "Downer of a Sister" on the "Adam Up" CD in Interesting note: Not only did we do a parody of "Black Water," we also used to perform a parody of "Backwater" by the Meat Puppets, which was one of the candidates for the "Ticked" CD that didn't make it. Brian Wilson Well, since he let me out I've been out knockin' on your door Come open it up 'Cause I'm the one that you've been prayin' for Ah, Rhoda, you looked surprised (looked surprised) But you didn't let me come inside You gotta help me, Rhoda Help me get inside of the house Help me, Rhoda! Help, help, me Rhoda! Help me, Rhoda! Help, help, me Rhoda! Help me, Rhoda! Help, help, me Rhoda! Help me, Rhoda! Help, help, me Rhoda! Help me, Rhoda! Help, help, me Rhoda! Help me, Rhoda! Help, help, me Rhoda! Help me, Rhoda, yeah, get inside of the house! They were gonna take my life And I was gonna be quite dead But an angel came along And he freed me, now I'm out here instead Ah, Rhoda, you got the door (got the door) But I'm wonderin' what you're waitin' for You gotta, help me, Rhoda, help me get inside of the house CHORUS

9 That Daughter Parody of "Black Water" by The Doobie Brothers Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 6 Genesis 29 I think I remember writing this parody shortly after our first concert as ApologetiX at the Paradise Club in late March I went to 12 years of religious school growing up, and even though I wasn't a born-again Christian, I did pay attention in religion class, and I was always interested in the stories about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And I loved "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," even back when it was a much-smaller production in the early 1970's. My sister Kris has a songbook with the words and music, and she liked to sing the songs. I loved the song that told the names of Joseph's brothers. That was probably my first experience learning a list from the Bible through music, and it obviously had a big impact on me! Anyway, I thought the Jacob/Leah/Rachel love triangle story was very amusing and dramatic... and just begging to be told in a song. And that's how we got this parody. The germ of the idea originated with the "black water/that daughter" rhyme. I like Karl's acoustic guitar lead in this song. He really underestimates his ability to come up with neat little leads when we need something ad-libbed. Of course, a decade after "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" came out, most of our fans had never heard "That Daughter," so we gave them the headbanger's version of the story with "Downer of a Sister" on the "Adam Up" CD in Interesting note: Not only did we do a parody of "Black Water," we also used to perform a parody of "Backwater" by the Meat Puppets, which was one of the candidates for the "Ticked" CD that didn't make it. Patrick Simmons Well, I made me a deal with my old Uncle Laban Read Genesis It's in 29:20 "Give me your daughter; I'll work seven years for her 'Cause I love her so much, it'll seem just like days" For that daughter, keep on toilin' Workin' in the sun when it's hot and boilin' and For that daughter, keep on toilin' Workin' in the field for my Rachel darlin' and For that daughter, keep on toilin' Never thought about Uncle Laban spoilin' my plans He was spoilin' my plans Gonna get a wedding ring But I think there's something sneaky about that man And I ain't got no worries But I hope these years hurry along Well, it was Rachel I loved didn't have no deference to Leah Just want to marry that girl and go home Yeah, but Laban switched them on my weddin' night And then Leah was my wife And I had to go work seven years more CHORUS He was spoilin' my plans Gonna get a wedding ring Then I think I'm gonna leave this Haran land And I ain't got no worries But I hope these years hurry along LEAD Yeah, I wanna pack my bags and leave this land Uncle Laban's always makin' me change my plans Change my plans, plans, makes me change my plans, Uncle Laban, gonna scram since your daddy done me wrong I wanna pack my bags and leave this land Uncle Laban's always makin' me change my plans Change my plans, plans, makes me change my plans, Uncle Laban, gonna scram since your daddy done me wrong (C'mon Rachel! C'mon Rachel!) (Leee-ah! Leee-ah!)

10 Little Esther Parody of "Little Sister" by Elivs Presley Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 7 Esther 1-8 Esther is one of those books in the Bible that always whizzes past for me, because it's so action-packed. Even though it's the only book of the Bible that doesn't specifically mention God, you can see God's hand of provision and deliverance throughout the story. Esther's cousin and guardian Mordecai even alludes to that when he tells Esther, "For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father's house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) The first time I ever heard the song "Little Sister" was a "live" version by Robert Plant and Rockpile on a benefit album organized by Paul McCartney. I didn't think much of it, even though I was big fans of both of those artists. When I heard Elvis' original version, however, I was blown away. I already knew and liked many of Elvis' more-famous hits, but "Little Sister" had such a cool sound! By the way, the original Elvis version was actually a B side of the single "(Marie's the Name) His Latest Flame." The A side went to #4 and the B went to #5. I think this is one of the best two-sided singles in rock/pop history. Little Esther was the one Little Esther was the one Little Esther was the Persian king's wife She risked her own life for everyone Little Esther had to do what she knew must be done Now in the days of Media Persia Esther was the queen The king was Ahasuerus But Esther was a Jewess And the best he'd ever seen CHORUS Now there came a man named Haman The king's prime minister He planned the destruction Of all Jewish persons But he didn't count on her CHORUS Now the king was in his chamber But Esther came right in She wasn't allowed to But she knew she had to And she saved us all from death CHORUS This may be the best-sounding track on the whole "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" CD. I love Karl's neat little solo in this song. I thought it was very clever. And the doorbell gag in the third verse was cute -- and fun to do "live." I also like Keith Harrold's drums. When we used to do this song "live" in , we used to say "Haman" in the second verse the same way David Bowie says "Hey man!" in "Suffragette City," and that's what later inspired me to turn "Suffragette City" into a much more detailed account of the Book of Esther, "Sufferin' Just Finished," which eventually saw the light of day on our "Grace Period" CD in This song came after "That Daughter" on the original cassette, as well as the rerelease CD. There was a misprint on the cassette, however, so it said "That Daughter Little Esther," as if that were one song! Doc Pomus & Mort Shuman

11 Don't Try (To Hide) Parody of "Don't Cry" by Guns N' Roses Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 8 Psalm 139 I always liked the title "Don't Try." I thought it was funny, because it's really something if you have to command a person not to even try! The original, "Don't Cry," was featured on both volumes of Guns n' Roses' landmark simultaneous two-album release, "Use Your Illusion I" and "Use Your Illusion II," but each album's version had a different set of lyrics. The hit single version we're spoofing here came from "Use Your Illusion I." The start of this song was inspired by the fact that Guns n' Roses included two songs called "The Garden" and "The Garden of Eden" on "Use Your Illusion I" (not to mention a song called "Bad Apples") and also a song called "You Ain't the First." The way we tied it together was "You ain't the first" to sin; Adam and Eve were -- way back in "The Garden of Eden," but they tried to hide, and you shouldn't. After all, King David, a man who committed some pretty bad sins in his lifetime, including adultery and murder, said in Psalm 139 that there's no place to hide from God. But David received forgiveness for his sins, and so can you. We spoofed Guns n' Roses every chance we got because Karl and I thought they came up with some of the most innovative music, ideas and vocals since Led Zeppelin. Not that we agreed with their ideology or approved of their lyrics, mind you, but their talent was undeniable, and they were "modern rock" at the time, and kids could relate to them. Back in the garden There s something that occured Adam and Eve were naked And hid from the Lord But He knew where they were hiding He knew what they d done You ain t the first to try it So don t you run Don t you try to hide Where would you run to, baby? Don t you try to hide Don t you try to hide There s a Heavenly Father who loves you Don t you try to hide If you will listen Psalm 139 Says that there really isn t A place He can t find Where can you flee from His presence? You know that He could still tell If you ascend to Heaven If you descend to Hell, baby CHORUS And even in darkness There will still be light And even in darkness Still the night is bright to Him now I know you're makin' your own bed But it don t matter where you do it 'Cause even if it s in Hell, now Still He ll find you there now, baby CHORUS The original hit was less than two years old when we recorded our spoof, which was pretty current for us back then. I think the only thing we had done that was more current back then was when we recorded an early spoof of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" ("Sounds LIke Mean Assyrians") on our "Parable Guy" cassette, which came out in November It wasn't until January 1995 that we made a conscious effort to totally immerse ourselves in modern rock and start incorporating a healthy portion of that into our concerts and CDs. Axl Rose, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan & Saul Hudson

12 I Found the Answer There Parody of "I Saw Her Standing There" by The Beatles Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 9 1 Peter 3:15, Hebrews 4:12, Acts 17:11, 3 John 1:3-4, Jude 1:3, Nehemiah 8:8 As "Christians Doin' Music" describes what ApologetiX is and does, "I Found the Answer There" describes what apologetics is and does, containing the key scripture references for Acts 17:11 and 1 Peter 3:15. I wanted a song that would help me remember those verses, and the "She was just 17" opening line in the Beatles' original was a perfect place to get Acts 17 in. I can't believe I missed the opportunity to just call it "I Saw The Answer There," but I rectified that problem when I revised the lyrics several years after "Isn't Wasn't Ain't." They're a lot tighter if we ever record them again, and Karl had the clever idea of revising the " !" at the beginning to "Want to read more!" similar to the way we changed the "1-2-3 O'clock 4 O'clock rock" at the beginning of "Talk About the Lord" to "Want to know a lot more about God." This was one of the earliest parodies I wrote, and it was also the second song on our very first cassette, a "live" tape called "Get Your Wigs." I sang it on that tape, but Karl sings it on "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" (I sing Lennon's harmony vocal). It was fun watching Karl record his vocals, because he put a lot of joy into his performance. John Lennon & Paul McCartney Want to read more! Well, see, in Acts 17 The dudes were known as Bereans And they read the Book Each day when Paul was there Now all of them are our brothers 'Cause they saw the answer there Well, 1 Pete, 3:15 Tells me we should be Ready for the ones That call on us to share Why we have plans for forever 'Cause we saw the answer there Well, you start that book With a heart that looks And an open-ended mind Well, we can't prove what's right If we don't know what's inside So before too long we all should learn the Word Now is your chance to discover How I saw the answer there LEAD REPEAT THIRD VERSE

13 Be Like David Was Parody of "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 10 1 Samuel 13:14 I think this was written possibly on the same day as "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" on a Saturday trip to the Kinko's on McKnight Road in Pittsburgh. If I remember correctly, we debuted it in concert with a bunch of other new songs at the Paradise Club's one-year anniversary show in August almost a full year before it came out on the "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" CD. I always liked 1 Samuel 13:14, when it talks about David being a man after God's heart. The Psalms are so great for showing us how a man after God's heart prays. David made some major mistakes in his life, and they're spread out in the Bible for us to see, and yet God didn't turn His back on him. I find that so encouraging. We did parodies of a couple other Bad Company songs, "Shooting Star" and "Can't Get Enough," but they're not available on CD. I also wrote a parody of "Good Lovin' Gone Bad" from the same "Straight Shooter" album that "Feel Like Makin' Love" came from, but we never did anything with that. Mick Ralphs & Paul Rodgers David, when he'd sing about You, he'd sing about love Psalms he used to write about You, and Your love And if I have learned anything From Thy shepherd David I will seek You in the heavens With my cryin' and my praise And be like David Be like David was, Be like David was Be like David was, Be like David was to You David, when I read about him, I see that he was Someone who You said was after Your own heart And even though he sometimes failed You, still he tried I will take him as my example and hope that I Can be like David CHORUS And if I had one hundred tunes in my head I could not do any better than what David said I'll be like David CHORUS

14 Ain't That a Miracle Parody of "Pink Houses" by John Cougar Mellencamp Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 11 John 9 If I remember correctly, this was one of those songs that started in the shower and continued on the drive to work. Although the hook parody line is "Ain't that a miracle," replacing Mellencamp's "Ain't that a Miracle," I think the line that started it was actually the opening line, "There's a blind man." For years, that's what I thought Mellencamp was singing, and it wasn't until much later that I realized he was saying, "There's a black man." I always thought the story of the blind man in John 9 was so interesting, because it shows how Jesus did an obvious miracle, healing a man whom everybody in the community knew had been blind since birth, and yet people were making up excuses NOT to believe it! They even said that maybe their was an imposter posing as the blind man! To me, the key line in our parody is the last line in the final verse: "Because this world demands a sign and when it gets one it just wants to stick it on the shelf." I've seen that happen plenty of times when I've tried to recount to certain people some of the miracles God has done in my own life, and I can see their eyes glaze over because they don't want to believe it really happened, even though they know me well and they know I'm not a liar. In 2000, I did a serious overhaul on the lyrics. It's still about the same story, but the lyrics are much tighter and even better with the original. Maybe we'll record that version someday, but I have a few other Mellencamp parodies we've never touched that I'd also like to see us try. This one was actually our second Mellencamp parody. We did a parody of his song "Play Guitar" (also from the "Uh Huh" album) on "Want it Dead or Alive," the cassette that directly preceded "Isn't Wasn't Ain't." John Mellencamp Well, there s a blind man he's a beggar He was a blind since birth But to demonstrate the power of God Jesus looked at him and spat down on the earth He made ointment with His spittle Then Jesus put the mud on his eyes And when the man got back from washin' at Siloam He was no longer blind Ah, but ain t that a miracle? Yes, indeed Ain t that a miracle? Now he can see, baby! Ain t that a miracle? Totally free! Anything's possible if you believe -- oh, if you believe! Now the neighbors saw the beggar 'Cause they knew him from his previous occupation Some said, "Is he the one who used to sit and beg?" Some said, "No, this must be some imitation!" But the beggar kept affirming that he was the one who'd been blind He said, "This Jesus guy made clay, put it on my eyes and said, 'Wash and you'll be fine.'" CHORUS Well, the people took him to the temple And brought in his folks Took him up to the Pharisees They said "Is this your son? How did he get healed?" They said "We don't know!" Ooh yeah! But they didn't even listen to the man himself Because this world demands a sign and when it gets one It just wants to stick it on a shelf CHORUS

15 God I Like About You Parody of "What I Like About You" by The Romantics Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 12 (Hebrews 13:5,8) (Hebrews 13:5,8) (Hebrews 13:5,8) Hebrews 13:5-8 This song is a little sloppy, but I think it's one of the most fun, energetic and joyful ApologetiX parodies. It was fun to sing, and it was heartfelt. And I like Karl's solo, which exudes joy to me. It's one of the first parodies I ever wrote, although we didn't record it till It's also one of the only praise and worship songs we've done. Wally Palmar, Jimmy Marinos & Mike Skill Hey! Uh uh uh! God, I like about You You hold me tight Never gonna let me go never let me out of Your sight Keep on listenin to my prayers Tellin me that You will always be there And that s true That s what I like about You God, I like about You You really know how I feel When I get shot down, you re around, Showin me you re truly real Keep on listenin to my prayers Tellin me that You will always be there And that s true That s what I like about You LEAD God, I like about You - You re never goin' away You re the Everlasting One yesterday, tomorrow, today Keep on hopin that where I ll be Is walkin with You in eternity and that s true Because You told me it s true Because You showed me it s true Because I know that it s true Because I know You re the Truth (the Way, the Life) That s what I like about You

16 Faith Pt. 2 Parody of "Faith" by George Michael Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 13 Hebrews 11, Romans 8:16 There are some interesting vocal effects on this song, but it really sounds like I'm really not paying attention at all to the background guitar. That's because I sang my parts before the guitar was there! I have some problems with rhythm, but I'm not that BAD! We had a guide track with the original on it, and I sang to that. The guitar was added later. We didn't have digital tracks or any fancy computers or experience back then. In fact, there was a break later in the song in which we needed to fill up empty space, and Karl encouraged me to fill in the blanks with an ad lib and that's why I sang the "What does he mean, I think he means that we gotta have, gotta, gotta have faith!" line. This song has some clumsy parts, but I still like it. Karl and I have done this song a couple of times (but only a couple) in the past seven years when there was a difficulty with drums and we needed a drumless song to buy time on stage. I love the scripture verses in this song, especially Romans 8:16, about how the Spirit of Christ testifies to us that we are the children of God, and that's another reason we know we've been born again. George Michael Well, I guess it would be nice If I could touch and see it You know, I must believe in A lot of things I can't see But the Spirit of Christ He testifies inside of me That I'm a child of God, you see That's Romans 8:16 Before you tell me That I've gone crazy Before you say there's no way to be sure I've got to tell you This information There's one way to heaven And I'll show you the door First you gotta have faith You gotta have faith You gotta have faith, faith, faith Faith! Faith! Faith! Baby! Some of the things that I have seen I just plain wouldn't have believed From anyone else Maybe I understand why you can doubt The words a-comin' from my mouth Until you see it yourself You know, but Hebrews 11 says Faith is something we hope will happen It's evidence of things that can't be seen And Romans 5:5 says hope like that will Not disappoint us And I know just what he means He means we gotta have faith We gotta have faith You gotta have faith, faith, faith Faith! Faith! Faith!

17 Christians Doin' Music Parody of "Listen to the Music" by The Doobie Brothers Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 14 Psalms 96:1, 100:1 This was one of our earliest attempts to sing a song about who we are, what we do, and why we do it. The opening line, "Practice in the basement, each Monday," is a reference to what we did (first in Jeff's basement, later in Rick's living room and finally Karl's basement) every Monday from Ironically, I think this parody was written during one of those Monday night practices in Jeff's basement. I did some dreadful harmonies on this song. We take a whole day now to record vocals for a song or two whereas we used to take a day or two for a whole album! Tom Johnston Practiced in the basement each Monday We sure knew an awful lot of tunes But we had to find a way; we had a lot of things to say What the music needs is a way to take the style And change a word or two with some knowhow Gotta get the message, put a song to it We're in the world, but we're not of it now Ohhh... Christians doin' music Ohhh... Christian music Ohhh... Christians doin' music... for the times. There are words you know better Than the Word of God 'Cause you've heard them in your favorite song We can take that, change it all around. Oh, we gotta play that rockin' sound If that all sounds good to you And you see the way we see There ain't nothin' this old group can't play Grab your Bibles, pick yourself a line Oh, we're gonna play it one more time CHORUS From the harp of little David Playin' maskils and the psalms To the crowd in Revelation People praisin', trumpets playin' While the world sings a song to God! CHORUS

18 What Is and Will Forever Be Parody of "What is and What Should Never Be" by Led Zeppelin Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 15 Galatians 1:6-9; Acts 20:29; Matthew 24; Deuteronomy 13:1-3; 2 John 1:7-11; Jude 1:3 Galatians 1:8-9 is such a key Bible verse to use when smelling a cult or counterfeit religion. Those verses state clearly that the Gospel would not change in the future, and that if a person or even an angel would bring a new "gospel" in the future, that person was under a curse. Do some homework on some of the religions and cults that have emerged since Paul wrote those verses in the first century. You'll be amazed at how many of them claim to have received their messages from angelic messengers with either a new or restored gospel. The Bible predicted these people would come and yet people still believe in them. Revelation 14 says that it's "the everlasting gospel." It's what is and will forever be. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 13:1-3 that even if a prophet's predictions appear to come true (and most of those false prophets mentioned above didn't even have their predictions come true), if they advocate a different message than what God has already declared, they are false prophets. The Bible also says in Deuteronomy that God will sometimes allow a false prophet to do a sign or wonder in order to test His people to see if they will follow His Word and not just follow wonders. NOTE: During the solo of this song, you'll hear two guitars trading off. One if Karl and the other is our rhythm guitarist, Andy Sparks. Jimmy Page & Robert Plant And if I say to you tomorrow, Take my hand, child, come with me I've got a different kind of gospel One that you've never heard before from me Even if we, or any man, even an Angel from in the sky, oh no! Should preach a different Word Other than you've heard Let him be accursed! Remember this line Galatians 1:9 Ooooooh Oh Oh Oh And if you read in Revelation In chapter 14 you will see It's called Gospel that's everlasting It's what is and will forever be The Spirit says in the last days That some will fall away From in the faith, oh Yeah! With consciences seared, givin' their ears To demons and deceitful spirits! Remember this line Galatians 1:9 Ooooooh Oh Oh Oh FIRST LEAD So if a prophet comes among you And all his dreams seem to come true And he says, "Let us worship other gods" Well, baby, it's a lie, too! Yeah! REPEAT FIRST CHORUS SECOND LEAD Well, you really should know About the wolves in sheep's clothes And the wonders that they show, whoa, whoa, whoa! Read some more in Matthew 24, They're gonna come right among ya! If they do, remember I warned ya! Ma-ma-ma-ma-matthew-a! Ma-ma-ma-ma-matthew-a! Well, in Acts chapter 20 in verse 29, Paul says that it's only a matter of time

19 In Matthew 9 Parody of "I Feel Fine" by The Beatles Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 16 Matthew 9:9-13 All I remember about this song is that it was written quickly and yet it was fun to sing. We wanted to tell the story of Jesus' calling of Matthew and remember what chapter it was in. John Lennon & Paul McCartney Jesus, came to me, you know, He said, "Matthew follow me," you know, and I did so I wrote down the words in Matthew 9 Jesus came to dine, you know At my table He reclined, you know, yes He did so! I wrote down the words in Matthew 9 I wrote down the things I'd seen and heard I'm goin' out and tellin' all the world The amazing kind of things, you know Done by the King of Kings, you know Yes, He did so! Jesus came to me in Matthew 9 LEAD REPEAT SECOND VERSE CHORUS

20 Mrs. Protestant Parody of "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkel Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 17 (John 3:16; Romans 8:1, 8:10, 10:9, 10:13) This is another one of my earliest Christian parody efforts, and I wrote it simply to teach myself the words of John 3:16, Romans 10:9, 13, and Romans 8:1, 10. With a repeated line like "Jesus loves you more than you will know," this song was begging to become a Christian parody. We call this song "Mrs. Protestant," because it symbolizes the average American, not because it's specifically addressed to Protestants. It could also be "Mrs. Catholic," "Mrs. Pagan" or "Mrs. Atheist." It's ironic, but Simon & Garfunkel were right. Jesus does love Mrs. Robinson and everybody else more than they will know. We've heard the expression "Jesus loves you" so many times, it's like a cliche, and we take it for granted, but He does love us, even people who aren't seeking Him and are disobeying His commands like Mrs. Robinson was in the movie "The Graduate." We left this parody off the original "Isn't Wasn't Ain't (10th Anniversary)" CD in 2003 but added it along with "God I Like About You" for the Director's Cut CD in I've tweaked the lyrics somewhat since we originally recorded them, but I don't know if we'll ever re-record it or not. Like most everything else on "Isn't Wasn't Ain't," it's not the greatest performance, but it's fun, and it teaches scripture well. My original exposure to Simon & Garfunkel was at some poetry class I took in grade school in which they analyzed "The Sounds of Silence." I remember it was also used in some commercial in the 1970's. However, I really got into Simon & Garfunkel when I inherited a bunch of records my three older sisters left behind in the basement. My sister Gayle had a copy of Simon & Garfunkel's Greatest Hits, and this was the lead-off track. I used to listen to it while I played with my superhero action figures and Matchbox/Hot Wheels. Paul Simon And here's to you, Mrs. Protestant Jesus loves you more than you will know Whoa-wo-wo God rescued me, Mrs. Protestant Heaven can be entered just one way Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! For God so loved the world, He gave His one and only Son That whosoever will believe in Him Will not ever perish, but will have eternal life God did not send His Son to condemn the world He came to save, Mrs. Protestant Jesus loves you more than you will know Whoa whoa whoa John 3:16, Mrs. Protestant Heaven can be entered just one way Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! And if you confess with your mouth Jesus as your Lord And believe in your heart He was raised From the dead by God the Father, you, too, shall be saved Whosoever calls upon His name is saved I'll say it again, Mrs. Protestant Jesus loves you more than you will know Whoa whoa whoa In Romans 10, Mrs. Protestant Verses 9 and 13 show the way Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! There is therefore now no condemnation for the ones Who are in Christ Jesus by His grace And if Christ is in you, though your body may be dead Yet your spirit is alive in righteousness He died for you, Mrs. Protestant Jesus loves you more than you will know Whoa whoa whoa It's tried and true, Mrs. Protestant Verses 1 and 10 in Romans 8 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!

21 He Really Got Mad Parody of "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 18 Matthew 21; Mark 11; Luke 19; John 2; 1 Timothy 6; Malachi 3:1, 3:10; Proverbs 16:8 A lot of people think the Bible says that money is the root of all evil. That's not true. It says "THE LOVE OF money is the root of all SORTS OF evil." We wanted a song that could address that and get the scripture verse in. Furthermore, I had discovered that Jesus' cleansing of the Temple is one of the few events that is mentioned in all four Gospels (although many scholars would say He cleansed it two different times, in keeping with a parallel to what Jeremiah did, with the one in John being much earlier than the one in Matthew, Mark and Luke). Consequently, I figured it must be pretty important. Unlike many people of my generation, the first time I heard "You Really Got Me," it was the Kinks' original version and not Van Halen's. I would go on to become a huge fan of the Kinks. I didn't hear Van Halen's version until I had to learn it for my audition for my first rock band, Terminal. At our first gig, we opened up with "You Really Got Me," with me singing the Kinks version I was familiar with and the rest of the band playing the Van Halen version they were familiar with. The crowd went nuts! I used to have a cassette of the performance, and it sounded like an old Beatles concert; all you could hear was screaming girls, some muffled guitars, drums and vocals. But the first time I heard "You Really Got Me" it was just that line included in a promo for a radio special about the history of rock and roll, and I mistakenly thought they were singing "She really got mad!" I remembered that years later when we decided to spoof the song. I tried to do a combination Kinks/Van Halen on the vocals. I like David Lee Roth's style, but it always drove me crazy that he changed "You really got me going -- you got me so I don't know what I'm doing" (which rhymes) to "You really got me now -- you got me so I don't know what I'm doing" (which DOESN'T rhyme). That's the drummer, Keith Harrold, counting us in at the beginning of the song, by the way. Since this song was the last song on the original "Isn't Wasn't Ain't," Karl carried on the tradition on our next CD, "Radical History Tour," by having our next drummer, Rick Servocky, count us in on the last track on that project, "Midnight Hour Pt. 2." Ray Davies Yeah, I read in Matthew 21 How Jesus cleansed the temple and threw out everyone Yeah, it's not just Matthew now It's there in Luke 19 and Mark 11 Yeah, it's not just Matthew now It's not just Luke and Mark; it's also in John Oh, yeah, it's there in chapter 2 It must be pretty darn important He really got mad! He really got mad! He really got mad! He called it a den of thieves He said His Father's house should be a house of prayer Yeah, they really got Him mad He made a scourge of cords and threw 'em out of there Yeah, they really got Him mad He turned the tables on the money changers Yeah, they really got Him mad It must be pretty darn important He really got mad! He really got mad! He really got mad! LEAD See? It's in First Timothy The love of money is the root of many sins Yeah, it's there in chapter 6 It says with food and clothing we should be content Yeah, it says that godliness Is not a means of seeking earthly riches Yeah, its says that godliness Is great gain when you have contentment We really want that! We really want that! We really want that!

22 Love (Ain't Nothin') Parody of "Long Train Runnin'" by The Doobie Brothers Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 19 1 Corinthians 13; 1 John 4:10-21; 2 John 1:6; Proverbs 31:10-31; Song of Solomon 8:6-7 With an original song that uses the words "without love" over and over again, it was a no brainer to make this song about 1 Corinthians 13, and how we're nothing without love. This song was actually originally on our "Radical History Tour" cassette, but it didn't fit on the CD due to time constraints, and we felt it was one of the weaker tracks, because the band speeds up so dramatically throughout our version -- it feels like a roller coaster ride! But it's still a great way to learn the properties of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13, plus other things mentioned in that chapter. Later, we revisited this theme on our "Grace Period" CD with the song "Corinthians." Tom Johnston Down in First Corinthians Chapter 13:1 Paul says it don t matter If I speak with tongues Without love... I'm nothin at all And if I have the gift of prophecy And know all mysteries And I have all knowledge and a mountain-moving faith Without love... I'm nothin at all Without love I ll give you the essentials That s love and hope and faith Now these three things abideth, but Love is the most great Without love... I'm nothin at all Without love It s patient, kind not jealous Not proud, nor arrogant It doesn t act unbecomingly Doesn t seek its own, and yet Without love... I'm nothin at all Without love It s not provoked and doesn t Take wrongs into account Does not rejoice in unrighteousness But when the truth comes out Without love... I'm nothin at all Without love Oooh... what would you be now? Nothin! Oooh... Bears, believes, hopes and endures all things and never fails I said it never fails Without love you ain't nothin' Without love you ain't nothin'

23 Verynice City Parody of "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses Isn't Wasn't Ain't Track 20 Revelation This is one of our most popular old songs despite an obvious glitch, my saying "Hey, uh, something just occurred to me..." during the intro before the whistle. Why? I was talking in the studio to our producer, Karl, and telling him that I'd forgotten my whistle. We later inserted the whistle, but we forgot to take out my comment! We mixed down two versions of "Verynice City," one without the comment and one with the comment. And, wouldn't you know it, the opening vocal mix ("Take me up to the Verynice City...") on the one without the comment wasn't nearly as good as the one with the comment. Unfortunately, we weren't using digital back then, and we were using rented equipment, so we had to choose between a great vocal mix with a strange comment or an inferior vocal mix without. The rest is history... radical history, actually, because this track was originally the next to last track on "Radical History Tour" in the midst of a suite of songs about the endtimes: "Bad Dude Risin'," "Life in the Last Days," "Verynice City" and "Midnight Hour Pt. 2." I wish we could have called our parody "Paradise City," since it's a far more appropiate title for a song about the Holy City New Jerusalem, the new home for resurrected believers in Christ), than for Guns n' Roses' vision of Los Angeles. Of course, G-N-R's title was deliberately ironic. Consequently, since they'd already taken the best title, we settled for an ironic title: If we can't say the New Jerusalem is the Paradise City, you'll have to at least admit it's a Verynice City... an incredible understatement, for sure! Take me up to the Verynice City Where the Bible stops with a new beginning in Revelation 21, yeah, yeah Take me up to the Verynice City Where there s no more pain and there s no more sinning Take me home A brand new earth and heaven that s what I see, but I know Revelation s tough to read But, baby, there is a place in there that I wanna be I ll be there till the end of time Everything is gonna be fine All the Christians that have ever been Will be livin in the city New Jerusalem You know, they gotta have a lot of room for them They say it s 1,500 miles wide And it s 1,500 miles high CHORUS Chapter 21 and 22 in Revelation They got the trees for healin the nations They got a river in the middle of the street You ll never have to think about the judgment seat Because the wrath of God is complete CHORUS Come home with me Come home with me Come home with me Come home with me After the devil s been thrown in the fire Now we can all commence to start to praisin God We ll be livin in the city comin down from the sky Havin a wonderful time What ll we find? Hah! It hasn t even entered your mind! Part of the origin for this parody came when I was reading a Bible commentary about the dimensions of the New Jerusalem, and I was just blown away by it being 1500 miles high and 1500 miles wide, and I wanted to get that into a song. I also wanted to show how the listener can read more about it in Revelation 21. Special thanks to our friend Gary Hayes, who supplied the killer stratospheric Axl Rose impression in the call and response in the final chorus. Steven Adler, Duff McKagan, Axl Rose, Saul Hudson & Izzy Stradlin

24 Radical History Tour 1994 A long time ago ( ), in a duplex far, far away (the fabled Hotel Lelia), ApologetiX cranked out a series of self-produced cassettes, with increasing measures of quality and quantity. The final studio production in this series was "Radical History Tour," released in August It was our most popular cassette to date, but when we ran out of 'em, we moved on to bigger and better things? or so we thought. These days, however, ApologetiX has a lot of listeners who weren't yet "hip" to the band when the "Radical History Tour" cassette was still available. Consequently people were asking us for years to rerelease it on CD, and we finally gave in to popular demand in March 1999, four months after releasing "Jesus Christ Morningstar." That's why the product code on "Radical History Tour" comes third in succession after "Ticked" and "Morningstar," even though those projects came out much later than the original "Radical History Tour" cassette. Problem is, that cassette was over 90 minutes long, and you can only fit about 76 minutes of music on a CD? and that's pushing it! So we had to cut four tracks out of the mix. That doesn't mean the remaining 20 are all polished gems (diamonds in the rough, perhaps?), but we're pleased and honored that so many of you wanted to hear them. Listening to "Radical History Tour" makes us appreciate how far God has brought us since then in terms of musicianship and production. Over a decade later, it's still a lot of fun to listen to, and, most importantly, the stories it tells are timeless. We were tempted to go back and re-record 'em 1999-style, but quite frankly, we had so many new parodies waiting to be recorded, we figured, "Why re-invent the wheel?" We did eventually rewrite and rerecord the opening track, "Bethlehemian Rhapsody," in 2001 on our "Keep the Change" CD. There is also a new "live" version (recorded in 2004) of "Jacob's Name is Israel" available on the "New & Used Hits: Best of ApologetiX Vol. 1 & 2" CD. Furthermore, the song "Enter Samson," which appeared on "Biblical Graffiti" CD in 1999, appeared in an earlier form with different lyrics and instrumentation on the "Radical History Tour" cassette, but it was one of the four tracks excluded from the CD. Special thanks to ApologetiX alumni bass player Andy Sparks and drummer Rick Servocky, who made the original "tour" with us, and to Mark Gulden who played keyboards on "Bethlehemian Rhapsody" and "I Know a Riddle."

25 Bethlehemian Rhapsody (1994) Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody " by Queen Radical History Tour Track 1 1 Samuel 17 This song is called "Bethlehemian Rhapsody" because it's about David & Goliath, and David was from "Bethlehemian." Technically, that makes him a Bethlehemite, but their style of music could be called "Bethlehemian." I got the idea for this in 1992, shortly after the song regained popularity because of its use in the "Wayne's World" movie. I don't remember how the David & Goliath idea came to me, but I do remember that once I got the title, "Bethlehemian Rhapsody," I knew we had a winner. This recording was our crowning achievement when we finished it in We were working with an ADAT machine, and it took three or four days to do just the vocals. Karl did a masterful job figuring out the vocal parts for me to sing. At the time, we had to wait a few months before we could afford to duplicate and release "Radical History Tour." We didn't even have a keyboard player, so we got, Mark Gulden, a vendor I worked with at my job to play, because he was a seasoned keyboardist. We couldn't build the thing correctly from the ground up the way we usually do, staring with drums, so Karl played the drums on the keyboard. By the time 2001 rolled around, we thought we could do a lot better in terms of performance, production and lyrics, and so Karl suggested we release it on "Keep the Change." I like the second version better, but I think the original version has some things about it that make it worth keeping around. Freddie Mercury With the Israelites, First Samuel 17 Saul and his men cried, No escape from the Philistines Up came Goliath; a hundred feet high, it seemed Goliath: I ll end this war, boys. Send one to fight with me Cause it s an easy way we can tell -- I defy Israel Anyone you wish, boys, doesn t really matter to me." Narrator: Goliath was quite a man. There were none who could compare No one bigger anywhere Goliath was a champion... and everyone who saw him was afraid No-one ooh stood a chance against the guy If he came back again this time tomorrow -- 41, 41 days that he s come up for battle Little Dave, said, I m the one. Just a shepherd with a sling, but I ll step into the ring." Good try, little buddy, King Saul replied But we need someone real big to face this brute. C mon, ooooh (David said to King Saul) I ain t gonna die This uncircumcised Philistine s gonna fall. Goliath: I see a little bitty shepherd not a man. Are you fools? Are you fools? You re just fueling my anger! Am I just a dog, you come at me with rocks and sticks? David: Gol-la-liath! Gol-la-liath! Gol-la-liath! Here with go With sticks and stooooooones! I trust the Lord but nobody trusts me Crowd: He s trusts the Lord, but spends his time tending sheep Facing a giant with a stone and a sling David: Evil man, you must go! God will strike you down Goliath: He will not, no. He will not strike me down David: Yes, He will Goliath: He will not will not strike me down David: Yes, He will, etc. etc. Goliath: Come-a-here, come-a-here! Come-a-here, little boy I ll give your flesh to the birds of the sky to eat, to eat, to eat David: So you think you can mock the invisible God? So you think you re just fighting a sling and a shot Oh, baby, you ain t just fighting David You re fighting God, and He ll knock you right out of here Doesn t really matter... what your size might be God will fight my battles -- God will win my battles for me Voice of Experience: David will be king soon

26 Isaac Man Parody of "Ice Cream Man" by Van Halen Radical History Tour Track 2 Genesis 17, John 6:37 This is the story of Isaac told by the man himself. Sometimes God's promises seem to take a long time to come to pass, but they're always right on time. John Brim Dedicate one to the babies! In Genesis 17, Abraham was gettin old Ah now, Genesis 17, Abraham was gettin old But he didn t have a child quite the way God said that he would... but he finally did I m the Isaac man; Poppa was 99 (repeat) When the Lord told Abram that Sarah and he d have a child Well, the Lord said to Sarah, Did you laugh? This baby ll be your son, too!" I'm the Isaac man; Poppa was Well, the Lord said Abram, I m gonna make Sarah a mom. She ll have a son! (Repeat) "and if you listen to Me, Abram, there ll be a nation to come Well, one day it happened; there I was! The promise of the Lord came true I'm the Isaac man; Poppa was They say all God's babies are guaranteed to come in time

27 Jacob's Name is Israel Parody of "Takin' Care of Business" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive Radical History Tour Track 3 Genesis 25:26, 32:28, 35:10 This song tells the story of Jacob from birth until the night when he got his name changed to Israel. Although our bass player, Keith Haynie, is one of the world's most-devoted fans of Bachman-Turner Overdrive, we recorded this parody over a year before he joined us. This song is one of our most-popular audience-participation numbers in concert. We recorded to versions for "Radical History Tour" -- one with the crazy lead at the beginning and one that sounded more like the original. We just liked the crazy lead better. However, by 2004, we thought we could do a much better job, so we recorded an improved live version for "New & Used Hits." Randy Bachman When Jacob was born he took a long time comin. Took the ankle of his older brother They were twins, but Jake was later; Esau was his father s favorite Cause he spent his time as a hunter And every single time, Jacob had to wait in line He started then to strive to get his way He was just a little boy; he was mama s pride and joy He loved to work with mother all day But now, now, Jacob s name is Israel What d you say? Jacob s name is Israel By the way, I said Jacob s name is Israel Cause he strived Jacob s name is Israel The father of the tribes All 12 You could read in Genesis how Esau burst into the kitchen And said, "Jacob, give me some stuff to swallow!" Jacob said, Sell me your birthright! Esau said, What is it worth right now, I m dyin' of hunger; my stomach s hollow!" And so Esau sold his rights; Jacob later set his sights Upon the blessing Isaac would pray He pretended he was Esau, and his father couldn t see so Jacob stole the blessing and ran away After 20 years with Laban, well, the Lord spoke to Jacob: Take your family with you back to Canaan. Jacob knew he d meet his brother as he travelled through the dessert He was scared, and I wouldn t blame him And in the night he fought with a Man we think was God He wrestled with him to the break of day He took Jacob s hip and knocked it out of joint right at the socket He blessed him, and He gave him this name

28 Judgment Gets Passed Parody of "Jumpin' Jack Flash" by The Rolling Stones Radical History Tour Track 4 Hebrews 9:27 The Bible teaches against any concept of reincarnation. As it says in Hebrews 9:27, "man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment." A relative of mine in junior high came to me and asked what the Bible taught about reincarnation, because he was trying to minister to a classmate, and that's how this parody got started. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards Well, you re born and you just got one chance Use it now, cause you won t be back again Well, we all die once but what s after that? Well, we all rise the judgment gets passed and you can t come back Well, now Hebrews 9:27 says that there s one time to die for every man Wait around til your time s up and then you re dead Are you countin on bein reincarnated? Are you found in the Lamb s Book of Life, my friend? Will you frown on the White Throne Judgment Day?

29 Check Out The Book Parody of "The Look" by Roxette Radical History Tour Track 5 2 Peter 3:15,16 I personally have found that the people who criticize the Bible the most are often the ones who've read it the least! Oh, they've read ABOUT it, but they often haven't spent much time reading the actual Bible, and if they have, it hasn't been with an open mind. Believe it or not, when we first recorded this parody, we thought it was rather modern. After all, the original song was a hit in 1989, and we recorded the parody only five years later :) Per Gessle God has got a plan, and He always had it He s revealed it to man very, very simple If you wanna find out check out the Book Heaven is found in between the covers Take a look around; is there any other Book that s like the Bible? Check out the Book Check out the Book, Check out the Book How can the world just say the Bible isn t true They never think to read the Book the whole way through But we say, na na na na... Check out the book! Existentialist people ve never read it, but there s just one way, So they reach a dead end Should have got the map out check out the Book Make your arguments, but I recommend Before you take your stance, make sure that you ve read it Study for the test, man check out the Book Try to understand: you can go to Heaven It s a sure-fire plan, guaranteed forever What are you afraid of? Check out the Book

30 Yer Maker Parody of "D'Yer Maker" by Led Zeppelin Radical History Tour Track 6 The Epistle to the Romans I got part of the idea for this one from our original drummer Jeff Pakula. Some folks spend so much energy telling other people they're going to Hell. Why not tell them they don't have to go to Hell? John Bonham, John Paul Jones, Jimmy Page & Robert Plant Oh oh oh oh oh oh... you don t have to go... to hell, hell, hell You don t have to go... to hell, oh oh! Baby, please, don t go I follow Jesus Christ; I swallowed all my pride... then He saved... my soul When I read the letter to Romans, it said, You re bad, bad, bad. When I saw the place I was goin, it made me scared, scared, scared But He still loved me so, He wouldn t let me go He loves you... Ooh baby, you got to know Oh oh oh oh oh oh... everyone gets saved, oh oh oh oh Only if they call His name hey, hey -- but if they refuse Uh oh I Know He saved my soul, oh, oh, oh, oh You heard me, He saved my soul, oh, oh... Baby, please, don t go

31 I Know a Riddle Parody of "I Know a Little" by Lynyrd Skynyrd Radical History Tour Track 7 Judges 14 Samson was more then a strong man. He was also a poet and a riddler (holy multitasking, Batman!), as we see in Judges chapter 14. The original cassette version of "Radical History Tour" had two songs about Samson - this one and a primitive form of "Enter Samson." This is the only one that survived to make it onto CD, thanks in part to the smoking-hot keyboards of guest keyboardist Mark Gulden. Steve Gaines Well Samson, he went to go and find him a wife He killed a lion when it threatened his life He came back and he looked inside A bunch of buzzin' honey bees had made it a hive He said, "I know a riddle, I know a riddle 'bout this I know a riddle I ve got a riddle for you. I ve got a riddle for you Baby, why don t you take a guess?" Well, he got married and he made a feast. He gave this riddle to the Philistines He said, "Out of the eater came something to eat Out of the strong came something sweet!" Well, the Philistines, they didn t understand They said, let s get his woman; she can tell us the answer Ooh I think that was a stupid plan Cause you don t wanna go and make Samson mad You see, I know a little I know a little bout him I know a little I know a little bout him I know a little bout Samson -- baby, I can guess the rest Oh, I know a little bout Samson... baby, he ll bust your heads.

32 I've Got Elijah Fightin' Baal Parody of "I've Got a Tiger by the Tail" by Buck Owens Radical History Tour Track 8 1 Kings 18 I was always a huge fan of the story of Elijah vs. the prophets of Baal. Karl was always a huge fan of Buck Owens. So we gave it the "Reese's Peanut Butter Cup" treatment: "Hey, your 1 Kings 18 is in my Buck Owens!" "Hey, your Buck Owens is in my 1 Kings 18!" If you didn't get that joke, you didn't watch commercials in the 1970's. Harlan Howard & Buck Owens I ve got Elijah fightin Baal it s plain to see I know I ain t much, but you-know-who s with me You choose your way, but you ll learn, and I won t fail And it looks like I ve got Elijah fightin Baal Well, I talked to Ahab when he was the King of the land Said it s time to make you understand Bring all your false prophets up to Mt. Car(a)mel Now it looks like I ve got Elijah fightin Baal Well, I said, Let s have a contest to call fire from the sky You go first, and then I ll have a try Well, 450 prophets cried out to no avail Now, it looks like I ve got Elijah fightin Baal Well, they cried to Baal all day; it didn t do them no good I poured 12 barrels of water on the wood And I cried out, Lord please prove today you re God of Israel Please prove I m right with fire from the air I got the fire from the air; it came for me It burned up everything immediately Well, 1 Kings Chapter 18 tells the tale In the Book called the Bible -- Elijah fightin Baal

33 Not Logs Lincoln Parody of "Hot Rod Lincoln" by Commander Cody Radical History Tour Track 9 Genesis 6-8 I wrote this song in 1992, I believe. We were playing it "live" as early as June 1992, because it originally appeared on our "Get Your Wigs" cassette, which was recorded "live" at the Paradise Club in June I wanted to write a song that would have all the facts and figures regarding the dimensions of Noah's Ark (inspired by Bill Cosby's "What's a cubit?" comment), the number of animals and the amount of time that elapsed during the story. I knew the "Not Logs Lincoln" part was crazy, but it was too much fun to pass up, and I figured many other people would remember that classic toy Lincoln Logs, as I did, from childhood. Karl used to comment in concert that an ark made of Lincoln Logs would need to be held together by Log Cabin Syrup! In the line, "Take seven of every clean animal, two of every unclean one, male and it's mate," Karl had to go back and fix my vocal, so the word "seven" is actually said by Karl. Make sure you listen for the moment in the song when our drummer, Rick Servocky, drops a stick and has to keep playing. He shouts "Ahhh!" Charlie Ryan & W.S. Stevenson oah had to have a boat to survive or he d be sinkin So he built it out of gopher wood and not logs Lincoln! Well, have you heard the story of the giant ship, Which Noah started buildin in Genesis 6 That story s true, I m here to say there s archeological evidence around today One day God decided He d finally had enough, Told Noah and his family it was time to pack up Said, Build yourself an ark out of pitch and wood, I m gonna hit the earth with a worldwide flood 300 cubits long by 50 cubits wide -- make it 30 cubits deep for a roomy inside With three decks dividin and windows on the top Then start gatherin animals and just don t stop 450 feet long if my numbers are correct, 75 feet wide with the same three decks So the roomy inside s 45 feet deep -- that s more than a million and a half cubic feet Let s look at displacement just for fun; that s 43,300 tons, So the basic dimensions you could probably say Were about the same as many ocean liners today So the Lord told Noah he was gonna start a zoo: Take seven of every clean animal, two of every unclean one, male and its mate And stick em in the ark and don t be late Now, I read somewhere there s about 290 main species of land animals you can find That are larger than sheep and not only that; there s 757 more from sheep to rats With 1,358 more species that are smaller than rats, well, you know it wasn t easy But it says there in Genesis 6:22, Noah did everything the Lord commanded him to do And his other son, Japheth and the wives of each of them And he got inside the ark, when he turned 600, And the sky grew dark and it probably thundered On the 17th day of the second month, then, Well, the springs of the great deep burst open And the floodgates of the heavens opened up wide And the Lord sent rain 40 days and 40 nights So the rains came down and the floods kept risin Over the tops of the mountains and the whole horizon And the waters stayed level for 150 more And a bunch of birds later, Noah opened up the door After 371 days in the ark, old Noah got out, and he prob ly said Hark! I m glad I had a boat to survive or I d be sinkin, That's why I built it out of gopher wood and not logs Lincoln!

34 Read Ephesians Parody of "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith Radical History Tour Track 10 Ephesians 6 This is a song about the full armor of God as described in Ephesians 6: Why do we need the full armor of God? As it says in Ephesians 6:12, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." We started performing this parody live in the late spring of 1992, I believe. I think it was on our first live cassette "Get Your Wigs," and I know we played it at the concert where that was recorded. Karl's old housemate Ryan Tomazin played a little guitar near the end of the version on "Radical History Tour." We thought the weird sound effects Karl did at the beginning of the song were "the bomb" at the time. Steven Tyler & Tom Hamilton Talk about Paul, apostle of Christ. This is the fifth epistle he writes Says that our struggle ain t against flesh and blood Says that we need the armor of God One piece of the armor is a plate for your breast Says to put on the breastplate of righteousness Truth for a belt and shoes for your feet -- the preparation of the gospel of peace Read Ephesians, Read Ephesians Put on the salvation helmet, then the shield of faith, you can use it when The devil starts shootin his fiery darts And the sword of the Spirit that s the Word of God Standing firm, cause our struggle is against The forces of darkness and wickedness Talkin bout somethin that's gonna help you stand With prayer and petition every time that you can

35 Lazzie Lay Parody of "Maggie Mae" by Rod Stewart Radical History Tour Track 11 John 11 This is the story of Lazarus' resurrection as told by his sisters, Mary and Martha. I believe got the idea for this song somewhere between my home at the time in Mt. Washington, Pittsburgh, and the McDonald's on the North Side, near where I worked. I wrote much of it in the car trip between those two points. Martin Quittenton & Rod Stewart Wake up, Lazarus, Jesus got somethin to say to you Your funeral s over, but you really should come back, it s cool I know you re deep in the tomb, but I believe you ll be leavin soon And Jesus He stood and just cried when He saw He said, Roll away the stone, cause he didn t wanna see ya gone You know His power and that stuff really works We re mourning some cause it s been four days since we closed your grave But that don t worry Him none, He says Christ can do anything But after somebody dies, can Jesus really make em rise? Oh, Lazarus shouldn t have died, anyhow He said, Roll away the stone. Just to save us from bein alone We rolled the stone and now we re waitin for you come out! Our Lord Jesus was your friend, so when, we called for Him Well, we told Him bout you, brother, But somethin must have happened; He s four days late Tried to tell Him that you re dead and then the Lord, He only shakes His head Oh, Lazzie, I couldn t have tried any more He said, Roll away the stone cause He didn t wanna see ya gone I don't know how, but I trust Him anyway I supposed you d resurrect some day, when all the others do But Jesus says that you will be a livin when He calls for you They finally got the rock-a-rolled back. They re helpin you unwrap Oh, Lazzie, I thought I d never see your face He made a faithless fool out of me, cause you re alive, as any fool can see You look so good; I can t believe you ever died

36 Catch that Fever Parody of "Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent Radical History Tour Track 12 Luke 12:49, Revelation 3:15-16, Acts 4:23-31 Jesus likes members of His church to be excited about the Gospel. As He says to the church in Laodicea in Revelation 3:15-16: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm neither hot nor cold I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Another one of His surprising quotes is in Luke 12:49: ""I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!" Ted Nugent Well, I don t when He s comin, but the Lord will come. I hope He s comin for me And He says that if we re lukewarm then He ll just spit us out In Revelation Chapter 3 We need to catch that fever! Catch that fever! Well, He told them go into the into the world, but they didn t go He prob ly wondered what they were waitin for Then the church got persecuted and the next thing you know They busted open all the doors We need to catch that fever! Catch that fever! Acts kind of fever! Catch that fever! Listen to Jesus! He said He came to bring a fire to the earth Wish it was started, a long time ago -- What do you think about His words? Have you ever really burned? LEAD Well, the church was gettin kicked around in Acts chapter 4 They got together and prayed And they asked the Lord for boldness to go preachin His word I think we need that today

37 Triune Godhead Parody of "Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones Radical History Tour Track 13 Acts 3:26, John 2:19, Romans 8:11, Colossians 1:16, Genesis 1:2, Hebrews 1:2, Matthew 28, Luke 3:21 This song about the Trinity was inspired by an article I read by the original Bible Answer Man, the late Walter Martin. He pointed out that four of the best illustrations of the Trinity at work in the Bible are: Creation The Bible says that God the Father created the Earth and everything else (Genesis 1:1, Isaiah 64:8, and many more). Yet in Genesis 1:2, it says that the Holy Spirit was there at the time of Creation. Furthermore, in Colossians 1:16, it says that the Son, Jesus, created all things. Christ s Resurrection In Acts 3:26, it shows that the Father raised Jesus from the dead. Yet in John 2:19, Jesus said that He would raise Himself from the dead. Romans 8:11 says it is the Holy Spirit who raised Christ from the dead. God was at the resurrection, God was at the resurrection There s a Tri-, He s a Tri-, He s a Tri-, He s a Tri- Triune Godhead! Triune Godhead! Well, in Acts 3:26, it says the Father was the one who raised the Son But what do you think of this? John 2:19 says it was Jesus Romans 8:11 says it was the Spirit. I can t forget those! No no no! Hey hey hey! That s what it says God was at the Earth s creation... In Colossians 1:16, well, it calls the Son creator but the Spirit was on the scene in Genesis 1:2 n the same verse in Hebrews says the Father made everything I can t forget those! No no no! Hey hey hey! That s what it says God was at the Great Commission. God was at the Lord s baptism... When He sent em out into the world in Matthew 28 he said baptize in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost And Luke 3:21 it says that there was all three when Jesus was baptized, you see I can t forget those! No no no! Hey hey hey! That s what it says Christ s Baptism When Jesus was baptized, He was standing in the water being baptized by John the Baptist. The Holy Spirit descended upon Him in the form of a dove, and the Father spoke from Heaven, saying, This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. (Matthew 3:17) The Great Commission Before Jesus ascended into Heaven, He gave marching orders to His disciples. One of the things He said was that they should wait for the Holy Spirit to come, and He said that the Holy Spirit couldn t come if He (Jesus) didn t go away first. In John 16:7, Jesus says, But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. Also, in the last words of Jesus recorded in Matthew 28:19-20, Jesus says, Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards

38 Ignorant Song Parody of "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin Radical History Tour Track 14 Romans 1:18-32 I love the title for this song! Of course, we're talking about people who willingly choose to remain ignorant. As it says in Romans 1:18-19, "The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. Before we had this title, we briefly considered calling it the "Amygrant Song." But just for a second. :) Jimmy Page & Robert Plant Sung to Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin (Romans 1:18) Well, the atheists and the agnostics know But they don t wanna listen to their conscience, though Man was made by God; everybody knew it Some ignore it, some deny it; Gehenna knows they re coming Always pleading ignorance -- willingly denying your common sense Romans 1:18 listen to the words of Paul: The wrath of God abides upon people who pretend that they don t know All creation that you saw was evidence of the existence of God Tonight you d better stop acting like your stupid If you don t you ll find yourself with those who willingly deny the truth

39 E-Z Kiel Parody of "Suzie Q. (Part One)" by Creedence Clearwater Revival Radical History Tour Track 15 Ezekiel 1 Our original decision to spoof this song was partially inspired by the fact that our drummer at the time, Rick Servocky, played the drum beat really well, and we wanted to put that to use. It was also inspired by seeing a front-page story on a supermarket tabloid that talked about U.F.O.'s in the Bible, based on the Prophet Ezekiel's visions. Stan Lewis, Dale Hawkins & Eleanor Broadwater Oh, EZ-kiel Oh, EZ-kiel Oh, EZ-kiel, well, he saw a wheel within a wheel By the riverside, he saw the wheels in flight Covered with eyes, he saw the wheels in flight, EZ-kiel It ain t no U.F.O., it ain t no U.F.O., It ain t no U.F.O., the Bible tells you so, EZ-Kiel It s cherubim divine, it s cherubim divine, it s cherubim divine, baby, prophesy

40 Virgin Parody of "Urgent" by Foreigner Radical History Tour Track 16 Isaiah 7:14, Genesis 3:15 My youngest sister, Gayle, was dating a guy from the Middle East when Foreigner's original song came out in 1981, and he misheard the lyrics and really thought that they were singing "You're a virgin," instead of "You say it's urgent." I was visiting them in Champagne-Urbana IL on vacation at the time. Years later, when we decided to that song, I remembered that funny story, and thought it would be a great opportunity to talk about Christ's virgin birth, which was prophesied in Isaiah 7:14: "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel." Mick Jones There d be a sign the Lord would bring And after time we d understand what it means Now some folks don t understand Virgin birth had to fulfill the plan, because original sin Is passed on right through the seed of the man Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: behold, a virgin will be with a child And the Son, yes, the Son, it was Jesus Christ That s why we all need to receive Him in our lives Because a virgin a young virgin A virgin bore the seed a virgin named Mary; she was a virgin The snake tricked poor little Eve. He told her lies and then she ate from the tree And gave to Adam, which made it worse, Cause we re his seed; we inherited the curse But God was not about to be defied. He knew what to do and He prophesied That one day the seed of the woman would Crush the seed of the serpent on the head, underfoot

41 The Sounds of Silas Parody of "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel Radical History Tour Track 17 Acts 16:23-34 I think this parody was started in the shower and finished in the car. If I recall correctly, this was one of those songs that came seemingly from out of nowhere, like God turned on the spigot, and I just tried to write it down as quickly as I could. Karl and I never were satisfied with the way the harmonies turned out, and that's the main reason we re-recorded it on "Apol-acoustiX." Paul Simon Paul and Silas, the Bible says, had come to talk to the Philippians Because a vision of a man speaking came to Paul while he was sleeping And the vision of the Macedonian man, said to them Come help us, Paul and Silas In Acts 16, they walked around, and tried to get to know the town Went to pray down by the river. They met a lady there named Lydia They baptized her there and she asked, If it be all right, "Come spend the night, and stay a while at my house. They met a slave girl later on, who made her masters quite a lot Fortune-telling was her occupation; she had a spirit of divination It was driven out when Paul said Jesus name But then they came and arrested Paul and Silas Threw them right into the jail; Paul and Silas faith prevailed Prisoners at midnight heard them praising God that they were Christ s servants Then an earthquake came and shook the jail and let go from the cell Paul and Silas And the jailer bowed and prayed, What must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe in the Lord Jesus and you shall receive His forgiveness." Paul and Silas taught the word of the Gospel to him and his entire house and everyone now is in heaven with Paul and Silas

42 Bad Dude Risin' Parody of "Bad Moon Risin'" by CCR Radical History Tour Track 18 2 Thessalonians 2:1-12 We've done other songs about the Antichrist, but the main point of this song was from 2 Thessalonians, in which Paul says that Christ won't come back until the Antichrist comes, so don't believe anybody who tells you Christ has already come. CCR never had a #1 hit, but they had five songs that stalled at #2, including three of them in 1969 ("Proud Mary," "Bad Moon Rising," and "Green River"), which was the same year that another group that never hit #1, Blood Sweat & Tears, also had three #2 hits ("You've Made Me So Very Happy," "Spinnin' Wheel," and "And When I Die." John Fogerty I see a bad dude arisin ; I see the devil on the way I see a master of disguises; I see the world led astray Don t fall for the lies cause he s just a fake, not Christ There s a bad dude on the rise I read in Second Thessalonians; I know the man is comin soon He ll set himself upon the throne and he ll get the world to play his tune Don t get all surprised cause he comes before the Christ First the bad dude must arise He ll bring the countries all together. They ll see his miracles and signs They ll think this world is gettin better. They ll find he s really anti-christ

43 Life in the Last Days Parody of "Life in the Fast Lane" by The Eagles Radical History Tour Track 19 The book of Revelation This is one of my favorite parody lines, changing "Life in the Fast Lane" to "Life in the Last Days." The song itself is a synopsis of the Book of Revelation, starting with the story of how the Apostle John got the Revelation in the first place. I think the first time we ever played this "live" was at Invasion '94 in St. Mary's PA. It was exciting to play. The first time I remember hearing the original version was in my cousins' car in Columbus OH in Joe Walsh, Don Henley & Glenn Frey It s pretty hard to understand, but it s totally awesome... and it s eternally true Who wrote the book? It was John the Apostle... from the Lord, to me and you It s a fantastic revelation of the future news. It came from Jesus; it ll come true When he saw Jesus comin, John fell down as dead He told him, Get up, Johnny, and write this down instead. Life in the last days... sure to make you lose your mind Life in the last days... uh huh He saw four horsemen, holding the reigns Of colorful stallions, who brought different things He who rode the white conquered, and the red one brought war And the black one brought famine; then pale horse number four There was death in the saddle, ridin out through space He had Hades right behind him, killed a fourth of the human race All of the people, were trying to hide When the earth started shakin and the moon turned to blood. The sun was Black in the last days... sure to make you lose your mind Life in the last days... yeah, yeah. Life in the last days... everything prophesied Life in the last days... uh huh So much to tell you; I ve got one verse. Man didn t heed the stop signs And the earth got worse and worse If you re a Christian, baby, don t you fear a single thing If you re not, go read the Bible cause there s more than I can sing There s a false messiah, they ll think that he s the Christ The world will take his number, but they ll have to pay his price They ll look up and they ll see Jesus and they ll know that they ve lost He won the war when He was dyin on the cross

44 Midnight Hour Pt. 2 Parody of "In the Midnight Hour" by Wilson Pickett Radical History Tour Track 20 2 Peter 3:9 This is one of those songs that has been covered a lot of times, and I enjoyed all of the covers I heard over the years, including the Rascals (I had that on cassette), Roxy Music (I had the single on 45), and the Jam (I had that on cassette, too). But the version we're spoofing here is by the Commitments from the movie, "The Commitments." The point of this song is that there's still time to come to Christ and God is a mericful God, and that's why He's waiting till the last minute for as many people to be saved as possible (2 Peter 3:9, 1 Timothy 2:4). Wison Pickett & Steve Cropper He s gonna wait till the midnight hour -- till everyone is saved He s gonna wait till the midnight hour That s when the dead come from their graves He s gonna come on down from Heaven At 60 minutes past The midnight hour He s gonna wait till the stars fall down Until He cleans up all the mess He's gonna wait till the knees bow down Till every tongue confess He s the only Lord above and He s really, really comin -- In the midnight hour He s gonna wait till the midnight hour Till everyone is saved He s gonna wait till the midnight hour That s when the dead come from their graves He s gonna take us up to Heaven At 60 minutes past The midnight hour

45 Ticked 1997 We started writing songs for Ticked in the late summer of 1994 as our foray into alternative music. The project developed in an interesting way; whereas most of our previous parodies had told specific Bible stories, many of the new parodies addressed Biblical issues (suicide, atheism, evolution, hypocrisy, the end of the world, separation of church and state, etc.) Although people always expect humor from us, many of these songs had a jagged little attitude, hence the name, Ticked. In the three years that followed, we waited for the proper equipment and finances to record, while weathering some personnel changes, too. Some of the songs written for Ticked endured, some didn t, and new ones were added... but the title stayed.

46 Come Out and Pray Parody of "Come Out and Play" by The Offspring Ticked Track 1 2 Chronicles 7:14 This is a song about the misuse of the term "separation of church and state" and the consequences that occur when a nation turns it back on God. But there is still hope, as God says in 2 Chronicles 7:14, "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." The Offspring And students, the thing to remember about church and state... (You gotta keep em separated!) Don't try to pray in the classroom You can t be spreading your faith They turn our class into an atheist vacuum While they re separating church from the state They can t stand God, so they took Him out Started back in 62 and look at us now They warn that government and God just don t mix You're gonna have to stop, have to stop, have to stop, have to stop Hey! Are you talkin bout your faith? Take him out! (You gotta keep em separated) Hey! Are you mixin church and state? Take him out! (You gotta keep em separated) Hey! Don't you see the rise In murder, rape, teenage pregnancies and suicides? Hey! Come out and pray! Now it s sex, drugs and violence -- the American way Crumble the morals and the government fails Once God's ousted, it s a matter of fate We re goin down the same path as others before Everyone from Sodom to the USSR They never ever see it till it s finally too late You better find your own hope, find your own hope, find your own Faith -- Man, is this what's left for me? Where to now? (You gotta keep em educated) Hey! When they all grow up to be -- criminals (You gotta keep incarcerated) Hey! I hope you don't mind Murder, rape, teenage pregnancies and suicides Hey! Come out and pray! The moral is the same 'cause it's happened before Turn to Second Chronicles and turn to the Lord In 7, verse 14, He says, "If My people pray..." They're gonna finally know hope Finally know hope, finally know hope, finally know Hey! Man, there's nothin' to believe -- where to know? (You gotta keep 'em motivated) Hey! And the kids grow up to be animals! (You gotta keep em all sedated) Hey! I hope you don't mind Murder, rape, teenage pregnancies and suicides Hey! Come out and pray

47 All ApologetiX Parody of "All Apologies" by Nirvana Ticked Track 2 1 Corinthians 9:22 In Jude 1:3, he urges believers "to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints." That's why we try to do with these silly little parodies. We wanted a theme song for "Ticked," and this is it. We even used a line from this song when we developed the very first official ApologetiX t- shirt for our 1996 tour of the Southeast. The front of the shirt, "Don't you guys do anything original?" Kurt Cobain Weird Al should agree; it s all a parody Someone else could've made -- every song we played What if you don t like -- lines the band rewrites What else do you need -- our apologies? If our songs get someone to sing along Is it wrong? Is it wrong? Really? Really? Writing music that's new is easier to do But that's not the goal -- let me save some souls I change all the names -- I can see no shame Then someone to me will turn (And say) Don t you guys do anything original? But if our songs get someone to meet the Son Is it wrong? Is it wrong? Dare we? Yeah, we... really... feel we... can I know it s all right

48 Naomi Gonna Be with Ruth Parody of "Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie & the Blowfish Ticked Track 3 Ruth 1-4 This is the story of Ruth told from the perspective of Naomi. Perhaps the most famous line in that book is verse 1:16, where Ruth tells Naomi, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." The idea for this song was a surprise gift from God. My only problem was trying to get used to Ruth singing in a deep male voice like Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish. But it worked. Mark Bryan, Dean Felber, Darius Rucker & Jim Ruth and me, we come from different worlds She was a Moabite, I was a Jewish mother's girl In time, she married a son of mine It's such a shame because my son and husband died But there's nothin' I could do I said, Ruth, I'm gonna go back home She looked at me, she had something left to say I'm gonna follow you and with you I will stay I won't let... you just leave Because, Mom, I love you, and you are my family And there's nothin' you can do Naomi's gonna be with Ruth I will call on your God, too Naomi gonna be with Ruth Went home to live in Bethlehem, seen all my friends I said, "My family collapsed when all the men died "But Ruth has not abandoned me Changed my life to bittersweet "She was married to one of my sons And when he died, she came with me "I better help her find a hubby A lonely guy who needs her, too "Somebody local. Naomi gonna see her through "You can call me 'old school' Naomi gonna see her through And I think I know just who Naomi gonna see with Ruth Sometimes I wonder what might have been If Ruth abandoned me when I told her to back then Ruth had a baby... and down the line Great grandson David, yeah, the one who fought the giant And there's the King of the Jews I know you've heard of Jesus, too You can call Him, Lord, too Naomi gonna be with you Yes, He came from out of Ruth Naomi wanna be with Ruth Naomi gonna be with Ruth

49 Shepherd's Paradise Parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio Ticked Track 4 Psalm 23, John 10:1-30, Matt. 25:31-46 This song paraphrases (or rapaphrases) Psalm 23, which begins with the famous line: "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." In John 10:11, Jesus reveals the following: "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." He talked a lot about sheep, and He said that one day He would separate the sheep from the goats (Matthew 25:31-46). We actually flew on the same plane with Coolio on our way to a concert in Dallas in In fact, the radio station had a limo waiting for us (not something we're used to) at the airport, and Coolio mistakenly thought it was his limo. Karl had to tell him. Artis Ivey, Jr., Larry Sanders, Doug Rasheed & Stevie Wonder Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will not fear for my life -- I realize that God's with me His rod and staff have been with me so long He's been keepin' me from all the places that I might go wrong But He's the shepherd, I'm the lamb and dinner He serves me Lets me eat it right in front of foes who would hurt me They better not touch,they watch me, but they can't touch me They do and they know that they'll be fighting with God He filleth up my cup and it overflows It's no joke, come see yourself, see my cup is so... full I'm the kind of sheep that's where the grass is always green Still waters He leads me beside, stayin' there is a sweet life The Good Shepherd rules my life I'm givin' Him the thanks for Paradise You can spend eternal life Livin' in the Shepherd's Paradise Look at the declaration that God is makin': "I will give my own life in exchange for the sheep." And he's got it written down in the Good Book Turn the television off a while and take a look He's a shepherd who is good to everybody in His flock Chapter 10, verse 11 in the Gospel of John Yes, the Lord's my shepherd -- what could be better? And my home is a mansion in His house forever (Cool!) Death ain't nothin', so I'll not be afraid His lovingkindness with follow us all the way Psalm 23 tells you all of this but there's plenty more You may even know it -- I don't know Tell me why is He so kind to His sheep When we wander away so easily? An hour is a-coming -- coming in a while where He will make divisions -- by His mighty power Shepherd's gonna come and Decide between the sheep and the goats And we're all gonna listen as final words are spoken He'll say you goats deserted me when I was poor and needy A naked, hungry, stranger -- how did you treat me? I guess they failed, I guess they're goats, I guess they flunked That's why I know I like it in the sheepfold

50 Counting Blessings Parody of "Counting Blue Cars" by Dishwalla Ticked Track 5 Phil. 4:6-8, 1 Peter 5:7 In Philippians 4:8, the Apostle Paul writes, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things." Ironically, he wrote that passage from a jail cell. Based on the his attitude of praise throughout this epistle, he was practicing what he preached! I wrote this song in January 1997, the day the New England Patriots beat my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers in the second round of the AFC playoffs. It was a good opportunity for ME to start practicing what I preached! Unfortunately, I wasn't as good at it as Paul. J.R. Richards, Rodney Browning, George Pendergast, Scot Alexander & Greg Kolanek It must have been miraculous Paul was jailed -- but how come his smile wasn't snuffed out? He talked with the churches In his letters, he would preach, we have Many blessings -- so fill your thoughts with good He said Focus all your thoughts on God It tells me in Philippians 4 I must admit it's tough to do All our days there's stuff that's bringin' us down Think about only good thoughts Skip the bad -- and you'll see, we have Many blessings -- so fill your thoughts with good He said Focus all your thoughts on God It'll make your life much easier And thank Him that you got this far Focus all your thoughts on God Cause the devil's a deceiver He'll tell you life is very hard -- It's not very hard now When getting low, lift up the praise All our moods they are choices we must make Our souls are saved We are family -- God's own people, and have Many blessings -- so fill your thoughts with good CHORUS

51 Plump Parody of "Lump" by Presidents of the United States of America Ticked Track 6 Judges 3:12-30 Although our society today constantly focuses on obesity, the Bible doesn't single out very many people as overweight. Eglon, the king of Moab, is one of them. Judges 3:17 says very bluntly that he was "a very fat man." He oppressed Israel until a judge named Ehud assassinated him in a way that actually used his weight against him. We thought we'd be polite and just refer to Eglon as "plump." Chris Ballew & The Presidents of the United States of America Plump man on a throne with a body large Totally controlling Israel from afar From Moab he had come upon us He seldomly refused when he passed a McDonald's He's plump, he's plump -- he's been widespread He's plump, he's plump, he's plump -- politely said Plump King Eglon made life a pain So the Israelites all cried to God to end his reign God sent Ehud to save the land In Judges chapter 3 it talks about his secret plan He's plump, he's plump -- a king-size bed He's plump, he's plump, he's plump -- he might regret Eglon was left alone with Ehud because He said to the king, "I've got a word from God" He pulled a sword out from underneath Plump got the point; it went very deep He's plump, he's plump -- he's been quiet He's plump, he's plump, he's plump -- he might be dead Is Eglon out of our hair? I think so Is Eglon out of his chair? I think so Was Eglon caught unprepared? I think so Where's Eglon? Down over there

52 Letterman Parody of "Better Man" by Pearl Jam Ticked Track 7 Luke 6:46 No, it's not the "Adventures of Letterman" from the old PBS Electric Company series; it's David Letterman. I just thought it was interesting how we do "stupid human tricks" all the time in everyday life. And just like Dave, we smile, but there's a big gap, until Christ fills it in. Eddie Vedder Late night, watching the TV, it's 12:00, we're watchin' David Letterman With the Lord, we practice our routines as He opens the show, we roll over Pretend we're dead just like Spot and Rover The Bible gives us a top 10 list you can't find on Letterman We do the stupidest human tricks you can't find on Letterman Talkin' to our guests, we joke and jest, He sees our show, He's not impressed Letters that we read, we throw them out the window When the wordly turn on us on -- we cut to music as the band plays on The Bible gives us a top 10 list you can't find on Letterman We do the dumbest of human tricks you can't find on Letterman We smile, but there's a big gap there you can't find on Letterman We need somebody to fill it in you can't find on Letterman He loves us -- Yeah -- He don't want some T.V. stage We need Him -- Yeah -- then why do we act this way Just like on Letterman -- Late Night with Letterman

53 People Parody of "Pepper" by Buttonhole Surfers Ticked Track 8 Revelation 6:9-11, Matthew 5:10, 24:9 As famous apologist Josh McDowell says, "Who would die for a lie?" If Jesus didn't really rise from the dead, why would His followers bother to fake it? What did they stand to gain from that? There was no prestige, fame or fortune attached to being a Christian in the First Century. Yet, from what we understand from church history, aside from Judas (who hung himself) and John (who did suffer imprisonment), all of the other 12 Apostles (and the later Apostles Matthias, Paul, and Jesus' half brother James) died as martyrs. Former ApologetiX drummer Bob Flaherty resurrected this song. I had it half done, but the research it was taking (in the days before Google) was so time-consuming, and then I had to make it rhyme! Bob said, "Dude, you HAVE to finish that song!" I also owe a great debt to a book called "The Search for the Twelve Apostles by William Steuart, McBirnie, Ph.D. Jeffrey Coffey, Gibby Haynes & Paul Walthall James was caught by Herod, Herod captured Peter They were sharin' Herod's outbreak of attacks upon believers James would have to face the sword and Peter would escape it They were not afraid of dyin'; they both knew that they could take it Thomas preached in Babylon and India they claim Then the local folks impaled him with a lance while he was prayin' They were all about to die but they weren't thinking much about it And their story didn't have a chance but none of 'em were doubters Why oh why would someone die if it was just a hoax? Why then take the awful risk to tell us Jesus rose? Simple men from Galilee would not have spoken lies To get enrolled in history books as martyrs for Jesus Christ Simon died along with Jude from arrows, spears or crosses Someone gave Bartholomew a skin-removal process Some of them were stoned alive like James the son of Alphaeus And their stories are the evidence that none of them were doubters Why oh why would someone die if it was just a hoax? Why then take the awful risk to tell us Jesus rose? Simple men like you and me would not have spoken lies To get well known in all the books as martyrs for Jesus Christ A lot of guys were crucified for calling Him Messiah Philip was and Andrew was and possibly Matthias Peter's was a most unpleasant death for being Christian They would turn him upside down and then go through with crucifixion Paul he was beheaded probl'y Matthew did the same Well, they threw off of the temple top the other guy named James They were all about to die but they weren't thinking much about it There's a gorey bunch of evidence that none of them were doubters

54 Big Deal Parody of "Big Me" by Foo Fighters Ticked Track 9 James 2:14-26, Acts 26:20 Some people think that simply believing in the existence of God constitutes faith. Jesus' half brother James says this to that: "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder." (James 2:19) In other words, big deal! As I've said in concerts, I believe that politicians exists, but that doesn't mean I believe IN them. If you believe in somebody, your accompanying actions will provide external evidence. Yes, we're saved by grace through faith and not by works (Ephesians 2:8-9), but once Christ is in your heart, good works naturally follow (Ephesians 2:10). As Jesus said in Luke 6:46: "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" Well, you talk about your faith in God -- read James chapter 2 Well, you talk about your faith in God -- trees must all bear fruit Big deal to talk about it -- demons do that, too They believe that there's one God but that don't make them good Well, you talk about your faith in God -- Jesus knows if it's true But it's proved by what you do When you talk about your faith in God -- feed the destitute When you talk about your faith in God -- give them clothes and shoes Big deal to talk about it -- demons do that, too They see that there's one God and tremble when they do When you talked about your faith in God, I never doubted you But it's proved by what you do Well, I don't deny that faith is all savin' me and you But it's proved by what you do -- by what you do -- by what you do Speaking of works, this is yet another song written while I was doing yard work (i.e. mowing the front lawn). Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel & Chris Shiflett

55 Little Sins Parody of "Little Things" by Bush Ticked Track 10 James 2:10, Matthew 5:17-30 Don't ask me how it is that I wind up writing so many songs based on the Epistle of James. That's a hard book for me, too! But on "Ticked," we wound up with back-to-back songs based on James 2. I thought it was cute that one was called "BIG Deal" and the other was "LITTLE Sins." This song is based on James 2:10, which says, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." In Matthew 5:17-30, Jesus expounds up two sins, murder and adultery, and by the time He's done talking we realize that all of us are murderers and adulterers to some extent. Just imagine how guilty we'd feel if Jesus had taken the time to expound upon the other eight commandments. Gavin Rossdale Now Jesus Christ never did like Folks who'd done wrong but swore they'd done right Sinning is bound to happen to you But prayer can repair whatever you do But hypocrites don't want to admit they need saved Make the suggestion they punch in your face They die by the law and you'd be dead, too If you would try live out all its rules Those who want to keep the law -- must obey But it's the little sins that kill -- turn it back to James 2:10 It's the little sins that kill -- the little sins that kill There goes a girl -- her figure is great You're lustin' inside but you guess that's O.K. I'd call it adultery -- and Jesus did, too Matthew 5:28 -- you always knew All of us have fallen down -- by the way It's the little sins that kill -- turn it back to James again It's the little sins that kill -- second chapter, James, verse 10 Oh, the little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little Letter of the law letter of the law letter of the law letter of the law Now watch your mouth -- it really gets rude I'm an idiot to ya, I'm a nincompoop, you said You kill with words -- it's really a sin 'cause verbal abuse -- is murder, my friend CHORUS Here come the little sins, here come the little ahhhhhh sins!

56 Stupid World Parody of "Stupid Girl" by Garbage Ticked Track 11 1 Cor. 1:18-29, 1 Cor. 3:19,20 This song is best summed up in these three Bible verses: "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: 'He catches the wise in their craftiness.'" (1 Corinthians 3:19) "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." (1 Corinthians 1:18) "Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools..." (Romans 1:22) N'uff said. Garbage, Joe Strummer & Mick Jones You pretend you're wise but you can't ignore You have this emptyness Could it be the Lord is what you need? You just forget You don't believe in Him, you don't believe in me You don't believe in anything that you can't see Stupid world, stupid world All you have for wisdom is phony atheism What's wise to God seems unwise to man And man in his wise intelligence to God is ignorance You don't believe in God, you don't believe in faith You don't believe in anything, so you can't pray Stupid world, stupid world I can't believe you're wastin' a chance for free salvation You don't believe in sin, you don't believe in grace You don't believe in anyone -- but you just wait Stupid world, stupid world Paul in First Corinthians nullifies your wisdom Stupid world, stupid world Chapter 1, verse 18 totally explains things Stupid world, stupid world Chapter 3, verse 19 totally defines things

57 A Lie Parody of "Alive" by Pearl Jam Ticked Track 12 Romans 1:18-23 The chorus couldn't be simpler. "Evolution is still a lie." If you dress up a lie in pseudo-scientific terms, but it's still a lie. That doesn't mean we think that all evolutionists are deliberately lying, but we think they have been deceived by a theory that is a lie. In ordinary life, if you tell a lie, you have to keep telling more lies to cover it up. The same thing has happened with evolution. But the truth eventually comes out, doesn't it? I'm not asking you to blindly believe what I say. Watch a debate between the best evolutionary thinkers and the best creationist thinkers some time. They're available on video. Listen to both sides of the story. Son, they said, have we got a little theory for you What you thought was your daddy was really a gorilla Science teachers show you all the bones, but they don't fit Your real daddy was Darwin "Sorry, we still can t prove it, but it has to be taught" Evolution s still a lie (Repeat) Why does your school enforce it like its true? It s just a theory, you know? Why can t they show me any missing links in the chain? They dug, they dug -- no evidence -- just quantum leaps Can t you see -- evolution s a lie Is something wrong with that? Of course, there is You re not an accident or do you prefer to be? You re God s creation, and it s so, it s so So obvious, so obvious I can't help but think of Romans 1:25, which says, "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator who is forever praised. Amen." Eddie Vedder & Stone Gossard

58 Preachers Parody of "Peaches" by Presidents of the United States of America Ticked Track 13 Philipp. 1:15-18, 2 Cor. 2:17 We're all familiar with the stereotype of the preacher who's just in it for the money. That's nothing new. In fact, way back in 2 Corinthians 2:17, the Apostle Paul was already saying, "Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God." Even more surprising is a passage Paul wrote to the Philippians about this topic. He pointed out that although some people preached Christ sincerely and others insincerely, as long as they taught the correct doctrine about Christ, it was still a life-changing message: Movin' through the country, gonna see a lot of preachers Movin' through the country, gonna meet me a lot of preachers Movin' through the country, gonna hear a lot of preachers Movin' through the country, gonna meet a lot of preachers Preachers come good and bad -- they are ordinary men -- it's a factor we must count And if some have been led astray -- that don't mean that they're all fakes Some still can point you to the Way CHORUS A couple scandals happened -- a real short list Yes they caught some evangelists -- with greed and fraud and women Point my finger back to Christ -- take a little look at a sinless life Base your stand on Christianity on His -- not mine LEAD Millions of preachers, preachin' to me -- Which ones believe it? Which preach for greed? Philippians teaches -- verse 1:18 -- if they really preach Jesus, they're preachy keen "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice." (Philippians 1:18) Of course, that doesn't mean that insincere preachers won't have to answer to God. But their insincerity doesn't negate the truth of the Gospel. Chris Ballew & The Presidents of the United States of America

59 Who's There Parody of "Loser" by Beck Ticked Track 14 Rev. 3:20, James 5:9 In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." Some people see that as a salvation verse and others see it just as rebuke to people who are already believers. Yes, it was originally written to the church of Laodicea. Technically, a church is composed of believers, but churches all across this world often have both believers and unbelievers (wheat and tares and some undetermined), not just in the church building but also in the church body (at least those in the visible church body; Christ knows those who are all His). I believe that part of the problem with the Laodicean church (Christ calls them "lukewarm") is that they had some people in there who really weren't believers at all. When God addressed Israel and Judah in the Old Testament, He was speaking to both believers and unbelievers, all were circumcised in flesh, but not all in the heart. Unbelievers may hear but not grasp it (Acts 28:26, Romans 2:13, Romans 11:8), but believers will hear, and the undecided make their determinations based on what they hear. Even the seven churches in the Revelation had the Nicolatians and Jezebel within their borders, and those people were obviously not true believers. An argument could be made that some church congregations today that claim to be Christian have few true believers therein. Jesus says that if anyone (a word you would use for a person, not for a group/fellowship) opens the door after hearing His voice, He will come into him ("him" is a word you use for a person, he doesn't say "them" like he would for a group/fellowship). I would ask this question: If Christ is addressing only believers here, why would He tell these people that He would come into them? According to 2 Cor. 13:5, Christ is already inside all true believers: From your time of infancy Christ was a-knockin You say it's in vain but I've got to tell you somethin' When the bad things I'd done made me detestable God proved His love because He saved me anyhow Flick the porchlight and go get the doorbell Knock, knock! Jesus there, He s lookin for a place to dwell Make Him some dinner and invite Him to eat God'll come in your house if He's got the house key Someone kept prayin' I would change and I came around God was ready and He came to me first Hopefully you'll believe what you read It's in the book of Revelation there in chapter number three So save some space and a place in your heart Save another soul from burnin in the Lake of Fire! Yo! Got it? Someone's at the door Find out who's there, baby -- go light up your building (Double doors locked shut) Go and tell the Lord "I want you to save me -- so why don't Ya fill me?" Doors are shut even when you know He's right there Man, don t refuse Him, don t you know that that s dangerous Cause one spot of evil is enough to call you bad What's on your soul is a lot more sin than that And the rerun shows that your door stayed closed up You said, Come back at a more convenient time He rung the bell, but you kept on sinning Snuck around the back, He was bangin on your kitchen screen Gotta get Christ and you can t delay Make it fast cause you need Him in your heart to be saved And it s time to repeat the facts For all who want eternal life -- which you can now consider CHORUS (Get face to face with Jesus) (That's right God is here -- Yo! Bring Him in now) I'd invite Him home for dinner then you're gonna change, I can feel it CHORUS (Ya better believe it!) CHORUS (Yo! Open ze door-zy, baby!) "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you -- unless, of course, you fail the test?" Other verses in the Bible talk about believers having Christ in them (Ephesians 3:17, Romans 8:10 and John 14:20, for example) too. So that's why I don't have a problem with people using Revelation 3:20 as a salvation verse. Beck & Karl Stephenson

60 Heaven Isn't Like That Parody of "Shine" by Collective Soul Ticked Track 15 1 Corinthians 2:9 The way our society describes Heaven, it's no wonder so many people don't care whether they go. It's more than fluffy clouds and harps. As the Apostle Paul told the Corinthians, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Cor. 2:9). It's far better than we could imagine. There are plenty of descriptions of Heaven in the Gospels, the Epistles, and Revelation. It sounds like an awesome place! In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul reveals that he once was allowed a brief visit to Heaven. Having seen it for himself, he makes statements like this: "We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord." (2 Cor. 5:8) and "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18). Ed Roland Do some good works and lead a good life Always go to church and try to be really nice... really nice Say a couple prayers and finally when you die Go to Saint Peter, tell him, Let me come inside At least I tried Yeah? No! Heaven isn t like that, child! (now) (pal) (now) Learn to play the harp, you ll need it while you re there Pick yourself some wings; I m sure you ll get a lovely pair A lovely pair Reach for a halo, keep it in your hair Lead a wimpy life eternally with nothing there But fluffy air CHORUS Get in God s word; see what you find Only place to look to tell you how to get inside Let me tell you now; you gotta go through Christ Open up your heart and tell Him He can come inside Come inside Yeah! Yo! Let Him in your life right now (Repeat 3X) You know what Heaven s like? It hasn t entered your mind Heaven is the best place that s ever been You wanna get in? Let Him Let Him in your life; that s the only way C mon... Nowwwwwww... come on in, in C'mon Nowwwwwww C mon inside!

61 No Chain Parody of "No Rain" by Blind Melon Ticked Track 16 2 Timothy 2:8,9 This is a song sung by a student wondering why he gets harassed for wanting to read his Bible. I'm reminded of 2 Timothy 2:8-9, where the Apostle Paul says, "Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained." History shows that true faith in Christ thrives in the face of persecution. I'm not looking for persecution, nor am I looking forward to it, but the point is, people have tried to suppress the Gospel for 2000 years. They're long gone, and the Gospel's still going strong. Blind Melon All I can say is that my Bible s pretty plain It s not that difficult to understand And I've read it through and I think you should read it, too But teachers at the school say it s not safe, it s not safe Don t care what anyone may say to me I m gonna read it anyway I know they d like to get my teeth extracted So I can t say what I have to say And I don t understand why the people say That I m not separating church and state When all that I do is read a book that says to me To forgive my enemies and pray that they get saved Get saved, get saved Paul writes to me; he says in Second Timothy You know the Gospel still gets through even if I m in chains It s not chained, it s not chained I just want someone to explain to me Why can t I read it anyplace? You know I d like to use my free speech rights today So let me say what I have to say

62 Young as You Are Parody of "Come As You Are" by Nirvana Ticked Track 17 Ecclesiastes 12:1 I have never to my knowledge mocked Kurt Cobain in our lyrics, in interviews, from the stage or in casual conversation. What happened to him was a tragedy. This is not an anti-cobain song or an anti-nirvana song. It is a song that attempts to bring hope to people considering suicide. I know at least two instances in which this parody being played on the radio prevented people from committing suicide. In each case, a listener contemplating suicide called the DJ and was talked out of it and given counsel and help. Young as you are, as you were, as we want you to be Kurt Kobain lives again in our own memories Tape rewinds; there you are; the voice is yours And the face, stays preserved evermore when you re on M-TV, yeah, M-TV Young as you are, can t you see that that s no way to be? Kurt is dead; that s the end and there s no remedy, yeah, remedy It s a chance that he won t have again, no he won t have again Young as He was, 33, Jesus died for you and me Let Him in as a friend, and you know where you ll be... yeah, Heavenly And that s when, man, you ll be born again Yeah, you ll be born again This parody takes the media to task for running endless videos and glamorous photos of people like Kurt, who die young and die in despair. It was inspired as I watched endless reruns in 1994 of the Nirvana unplugged special and and Nirvana tributes, and I felt the media was exploiting somebody else's tragedy. The media perpetuates a myth that we should all die young and stay pretty. Kurt's death wasn't pretty. Kurt was a very talented young man in a very tragic situation. By glamorizing his death and elevating it to martyrdom as many publications and programs and fans do, we do him a grave disservice. Superstars who who die young seldom die happy or glamorously, whether it be Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin or Jimi Hendrix, or some of Kurt's fellow artists in the alternative movement like Shannon Hoon of Blind Melon, Doug Hopkins of the Gin Blossoms, or Layne Staley of Alice in Chains. The only person who ever died young and is truly worthy of hero worship is also the only person who ever died and brought Himself back to life. He's the only one who can help us. Knowing what I do about Kurt Cobain, I think we can safely assume that he wasn't into hero worship and he wouldn't want somebody else trying to pattern their life after him, even when he was alive. Considering the tragic way in which he died, I'd say he most emphatically wouldn't want others to follow in his footsteps. And yet many do. Suicide is contagious. People see it, and when it gets glamorized, they copy it, especially young people. Furthermore, look at how Nirvana reacted when they became an overnight sensation. Those guys ran from that popularity. They didn't want people blindly copying them. Kurt Cobain & Nirvana

63 Casket Place Parody of "Basket Case" by Green Day Ticked Track 18 Matthew 24 This world's a crazy place. People ask me sometimes if I think Jesus is coming back in my lifetime. I don't know when He's coming back. Jesus said that even He didn't know, only the Father. (Matthew 24:36) People have been speculating about when Christ would return since He first ascended into Heaven. But I do know two things: Every day that goes by brings us one day closer to that day. And we'll all have to face Him someday, so in a sense He's coming back at the end of my lifetime, whether I meet Him in the air or in the afterlife. Billy Joe Armstrong & Green Day Do we have much time to live until we find A lot of things are happening all at once Crime and violence grow while earthquakes take their toll Morality is low... and what about AIDS? Sometimes I think this world s asleep Soon we just might be history Signs keep adding up; I think I m waking up I m not just paranoid; I m not alone I went to a bank to use the cash machine What happens when those cash machines all shut down? I went to Al Gore. He said Earth s life support Has nearly been destroyed -- no cure can be found Sometimes I think this world s asleep Keep your eyes on the Middle East Signs keep adding up; I think I m waking up I m not just paranoid; I m not alone Christ will soon return, so you'd better know God

64 Lightning Flashes Parody of "Lightning Crashes" by Live Ticked Track 19 Matt. 24:27 The following is a true story. I wrote it down the day it happened, because I knew I would start to wonder if it really happened as years went by. Here's what I wrote: On Nov. 21, 1995, something really wild happened to me. A few days before, I had written "Lightning Flashes," a parody based on Jesus' prediction of his second coming in Matthew 24:27. I wondered, Am I writing too many songs about the endtimes lately? Is "Lightning Flashes" just one more?" As I walked across the bridge to work that morning I came upon a beggar with a styrofoam cup, who was sitting on the sidewalk in one of the compartments of the bridge. He wasn t dressed well for the chilly breeze over the river his underwear was even showing through holes in his jeans. I gave him some change and a pocket Bible, said Jesus loves you, and kept moving to try and get to work on time... but something told me to go back and at least give him a dollar bill...not that a dollar is much. When I got back to him, he was already reading the Bible. He looked up at me and said, Matthew Chapter 24, Verse 27, As the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. It really blew me away, because he wasn't even on that page in his Bible; he was quoting it from memory. We introduced ourselves. His name was Anthony, and he'd obviously been drinking. I asked him why he was on the streets and he told me how his wife had thrown him out and how he missed his kids. Lightning flashes all over the sky Weather center calls for a storm This ain't no ordinary sky The invasion begins Who thought that God would step in and stop the war? Lightning flashes... an old book of mine Clearly mentioned all this before We ain't supposed to be surprised But the few who prepared Are gone now as we face the wrath of God Ooh, I see Him comin' back again Like the lightning comes from east to the west Faces fallin' as the Son returns to earth again... I can see Him Lightning flashes... the moment of Christ This moment He's been waitin' for The angel hosts have arrived! Pale and paralyzed, we face the Son But the glory is too bright! Bright! Ooh, I see Him comin' back again Like the lightning comes from east to the west Voices callin' out as sinners on the earth confess, "I believe it!" Ooh, I see Him comin' back again Like the lightning comes from east to the west We're so sorry, but repentence doesn't work right then, I can see it Ooh, I see Him comin' back again Like He told in Matthew's Gospel back then Chapter 24 the 27th verse, amen... I believe it He knew his escatology (endtimes theology) pretty well. I asked him how he knew about the Bible, and he said "From reading it in prison." Then we prayed together. I knew I would soon be late for work, so I quickly asked him if he was hungry. It just so happened that I had two strombolis in my lunch instead of just one. Finally, we said our goodbyes to which he added, J., He s coming back. I hurried across the rest of the bridge, where I met a co-worker who'd seen us praying. He asked what we'd talked about. He wasn t too impressed with my Lightning Flashes story, but I think he was impressed by my taking time to talk to Anthony. Here I thought I was going to witness to Anthony and I wound up witnessing to somebody else... while God was witnessing to me. Edward Kowalczyk & Live

65 Inyerface Love Song Parody of "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots Ticked Track 20 Romans 10:9,13 I'm not really an in-your-face kind of person in everyday life, so I have to use music to do it. This is a simple song about salvation, based on Romans 10:9,13, where the Apostle Paul says: "That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." and "for 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'" I must admit that I took this tune for granted (or at least wondered if it ever had much of an impact on anybody) until a former co-worker told me this song played a pivotal role in bringing him to Christ. That blew my mind. Praise the Lord! Dean DeLeo & Scott Weiland Feelin like there s someone after you? Don t run away from Jesus Christ... tonight Feelin like a man who wants to change So do you want eternal life? Decide! Believe that He rose from the grave And confess your faith in Christ Call His name and believe in Him And then watch Him change your life All you need is to pray to Him Prayin is the hardest thing you ll do The rest is easy cause He changes you... inside... for life Believe that He rose from the grave And confess Him with your mouth Romans 10 says that He will save Everyone who trusts Him now All you need is to pray to Him

66 You Gotta Go Parody of "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette Ticked Track 21 Ecclesiastes 7:5, Romans 1:18-21, 10:9-13 The "Ticked" CD has the dubious distinction of featuring two songs on which I had to try to sing songs originally sung by women. I think that worked decently on "Stupid World," but I don't know about this one. Our producer, Karl Messner, loved the vulnerability of my vocals. I prefer the vulnerability of the lyrics. This is me being gut honest to anybody I know who's heard the Gospel and continues to turn it down. Some people find the words to this song much more offensive than the original lyrics by Alanis Morissette. Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think? Alanis Morissette & Glen Ballard I want you to know that I have prayed for you I wish nothing but the best for your soul I know you're worried probl'y -- you'll get converted like me When it comes down to it there's a fear there Cause you say, "Hell -- it can't be" You should play poker, baby You sure do make a really excellent bluffer Those who call on His name will be saved by His grace Cause He paid quite enough for you when, you know, He died And every time you speak His name it's in vain, what a shame Cause His arms are still open wide -- open wide -- while you're still alive But I'm here -- to remind you of the mess you're in if you turn away If you dare -- to deny Him and the cross then there is a different place You, you, you -- gotta go You think there's no Hell -- you're not evil I'm not nice to tell you that you could go If you forget about me -- you can do as you please I ain't above you -- I'm a miserable sinner But there's a path we must take Now if we wanna be saved And if you think it's a joke -- then you'll suffer Those who call on His name will be saved by His grace Cause He paid quite enough for you when, you know, He died And every time you speak His name it's in vain, what a shame Cause His arms are still open wide -- open wide -- while you're still alive But I'm here -- to remind you of the mess you're in if you turn away It's not fair -- to deny Him And the cross and just think you'll get away You, you, you -- gotta go There's no one who can say that He sent them away Cause an offer was made to you and you closed your eyes -- and you knew it And every one who goes to hell has no-one else to blame That's not appealing -- I hurt your feelings CHORUS

67 Jesus Christ Morningstar 1998 "Jesus Christ Morningstar" has its roots in the '60's and '70's. That's where most of its music came from, and that's when "Jesus Christ Superstar" came out. For many, "Superstar" was an introduction to Christian rock or even to the Gospel itself. Sure, the lyrics took some liberties with the Bible, but God still used it draw people to Christ. But Jesus was so much more than just a superstar. He called Himself many things -- the Son of Man, the Good Shepherd, the Way, the Truth and the Life -- but the last name He uses in the Bible is "the Morning Star" (Revelation 22:16). "Superstar" focused on the humanity of Christ. "Morningstar" focuses on His divinity. "Superstar" took us to the crucifixion. "Morningstar" takes us further... to the resurrection, the ascension, Pentecost and beyond. "Superstar" asks Jesus, "Do you think you're who they say you are?" "Morningstar" asks the listener, "Do you think He's who He said He was?" Of course, we can only fit 74 minutes of music on a CD. If all the things that Jesus did were described, I suppose all the CDs in the world couldn't contain them! But we've chosen some main points, and we've tried to imagine them being told from the perspective of the people who knew Him best -- His friends and disciples It is their humanity that we primarily focus on in "Morningstar" -- and that's appropriate, because it was humanity in general that was the focus of Jesus' mission: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16) (NIV)

68 Hotel Can't Afford Ya Parody of "Hotel California" by The Eagles Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 1 Luke 2:7 This song is the story of the Nativity told from the perspective of Jesus' foster father, Joseph. I remember getting the idea for this one in a Giant Eagle supermarket parking lot near my home in Pittsburgh in Snow was falling, and the original song was on the radio. We originally released "Hotel Can't Afford Ya" on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" in 1998, but after playing it live for a few years, we felt we could do a much better job. Consequently, when we made a Christmas EP in 2001, we decided to re-record "Hotel," and we also added the Eagles puns at the beginning and the "Silent Night" part at the end. Since the Christmas EPs were never available in stores but included some of our favorite parodies, we put four of those songs on "New & Used Hits." Don Felder, Don Henley & Glenn Frey From a dark desert highway we pulled into the inn Rome called for a census -- I was from Bethlehem Up above from a distance a star was giving me light My wife was heavy cause her child was due -- We had to stop for the night So we stood in the doorway of Bethlehem Hotel And I was thinking to myself, "I hope to Heaven they'll give me some help" But they told us no-can-do and they sent me away "There's a place around the corner though where you both can stay" Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya Such a lovely place but we're out of space Ran out of room and the hotel can't afford ya It's the time of year -- with the census here My wife was definitely gifted -- That's what the Lord's angel said She was about to have a baby boy while still virgin Spent the night in a barnyard -- cheap slumlord's rent Some night to remember -- some night to forget So because of what happened I was grieving for my wife I said, they probably haven't cleaned in here since B.C. 65 Animal voices were calling for straw and hay Keep you up through the middle of the night just as if to say Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya It's a lovely place, but we're out of space Holiday rush and the hotel can't afford ya What a nice surprise for your silent night He was born that evening and shepherds came that night And they said, We are all just visitors here -- of the Holy Christ And in an ass's manger, they found the boy asleep They started gettin' teary eyed so they went back to their sheep Last thing I remember there were wise men at the door They had a bunch of packages from the place they were before We're late, said the wise men, We had problems Christmas Eve We've been checking out your shiny light all through the Middle East

69 Go Right Now Parody of "All Right Now" by Free Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 2 John 1:29-51 I first wrote the original version of this parody in late It had extra verses that also described the calling of Philip and Nathanael, but we decided to shorten it and put it in a medley with "Apostle Me," since they both used a similar guitar pattern and both talked about the Apostles. I thought is was very rap-esque to have the Apostle John refer to John the Baptist as "John B.," especially with the similarities between "Sloop John B." and "Snoop Doggy Dogg," who later shortened his name to "Snoop Dogg." Paul Rodgers & Andy Fraser There we stood with John B. -- Simon's brother, Andrew, and me He said, "Hey, look at this -- now baby, there's the Lamb of God who frees us from sins!" I said, "Hey, what's he sayin', baby? Andrew, could you please explain" "No time to waste," oh, he said to me "Let's move before the Savior walks away!" Ow! Go right now! Baby let's go right now! Go right now! Baby let's go right now! We took a walk to Christ's place -- Talkin' with the dude all the day When we left, Andrew says, "Maybe -- I'll get Simon, should we get James?" He said, "Bro! Come over fast! Cause I think the Lord's here at last!" He said, "What? The Lord above?" But Simon found out quickly enough! CHORUS

70 Apostle Me Parody of "Rock 'n Me" by Steve Miller Band Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 3 Matt. 10:1-4, Luke 6:13-16, Acts 1:26, 1 Cor. 9:1, 5-6 The original title of this parody was "Apostl'y Namin'," and it appeared on our first cassette, "Get Your Wigs," recorded live at the Paradise Club in June This was one of the earlier parodies I remember writing, sometime in I always loved how some people could name all of the Apostles, so I wanted to teach them to myself. Of course, I wanted to make sure I got both names if an Apostle had two, like Simon-Peter and Jude- Thaddeus. Our original parody version also included other people mentioned as apostles in the Bible for a total of 17 people including people like Jesus' brother James and Barnabas. But I decided to rewrite the parody with tighter lyrics and to focus on the original 12 plus Matthias (the first replacement) and Paul (the famous latter Apostle) to avoid confusion. Regarding the original song by Steve Miller, in our 2002 concert schedule we really did go from Phoenix AZ all the way to Tacoma (WA), Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A., and Northern California... plus Hawaii! Steve Miller Well, if you're lookin' real hard and you're tryin' to find the apostles But it just keeps gettin' tougher on your brain Then I've got to do my part 'cause I know 'em by heart I've got an easy way to say their names Well, their names ain't fictitious so now don't get suspicious Cause I know them and they're friends of mine And I know that it's true that I can sing them for you They'll come back to me if I make 'em rhyme So keep apostl'y namin' Keep on apostl y namin Keep on apost'ly namin' Keep on apostl'y namin' Simon called Peter, James & John & Andrew, Levi, nicknamed Matthew Philip, Doubting Thomas and James the Less Simon called the Zealot, and Nathanael Who's called Bartholomew, then Jude-Thaddaeus Keep on apostl'y namin... Judas is missin' -- he lost his position but you know there were two men in line And you know they did choose Matthias to fill his shoes And Paul would come and join them in his sweet time Simon called Peter, James & John & Andrew, Levi nicknamed Matthew Philip, Doubting Thomas and James the Less Simon called the Zealot, and Nathaniel Who's called Bartholomew, then Jude-Thaddaeus CHORUS

71 Jesus (Sermon on the Mount) Parody of "Venus" by Shocking Blue Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 4 Matthew 5-7 The Sermon on the Mount is recorded in Matthew chapters 5-7. Jesus covers a lot of ground in those chapters. It really blew my mind the first time I read it. Revolutionary stuff. At the very end of that passage, it says: "When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law." (Matthew 7:28-29) The teachers in Jesus' day would cite the opinions of teachers who had gone before them as their authority. No so with Jesus. He didn't have to consider anybody else's opinion on the Word of God, because He was the Word of God. He taught us on a mountain top A sermon that was clear and plain A sermon on duty and love And Jesus was His name He taught it! Yeah, baby, we caught it! Well, come to Jesus And you'll find out He's your messiah! His lessons had us mesmerized Amazin' every man He met That was because my Jesus Taught like no-one else had Wow! This parody originally appeared, in a rougher form, on our "Want It: Dead or Alive" homemade cassette back in late Robbie van Leeuwen

72 Temple Physician Parody of "Pinball Wizard" by The Who Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 5 Isaiah 35:5-6, Matthew 11:4-5, 21:14 The Who's "Tommy" was a rock opera about a deaf, dumb, and blind person who becomes a would-be messiah. "Jesus Christ Morningstar" is a would-be rock opera about the Messiah who heals deaf, dumb, and blind people. And "Temple Physician" describes those miraculous healings and the growing excitement that fills the crowds as they talk about Him and speculate about His identity. When John the Baptist sent messengers to Jesus to ask if He truly was the Messiah, Jesus said: Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor." (Matthew 11:4-5). I liked the word combination "temple physician" not just because it sounded like "pinball wizard" but also because the Temple was God's house, and a physician is a doctor. Is there a doctor in God's house? Yes! And everybody needs Him, although only some realize it. As Jesus said in Matthew 9:12, ""It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Ever since I was a young boy I prayed in the synagogue That somehow the Messiah would rush to save us all But I ain't seen nothing like Him in any Jerusalem hall The deaf, dumb and blind came -- the Lord Jesus healed them all They says He's got an attitude -- He's not part of the regime Healin' all the lepers -- although they're unclean Breakin' men's traditions -- that didn't count at all The deaf, dumb and blind came -- the Lord just healed them all He's a temple physician; a pastor to the sick A temple physician -- one touch just does the trick Why do they think He's trouble? I don't know! Some say He's no good And when John the Baptist was havin' some doubts in jail He sent people to Christ to ask Him, "Hey, Christ, what's the deal?" All Jesus said was, "Relay -- everything you saw The deaf, dumb and blind came -- the Lord just healed them all" The Romans want a very evil king But God just handed down Israel's crown to Him Even Sabbath Day He's available -- Jesus needs no rest His disciples believe in Him -- and we just must confess If God's savin' sick and sinners -- maybe we should call The deaf, dumb and blind came -- The Lord Jesus healed them all We started playing this parody live sometime in the spring of I don't think we were performing it yet when we played our first concert, but it does appear on our first live cassette, "Get Your Wigs," which was recorded in June 1992, and also on our second cassette, "Parable Guy," from the fall of As you might guess, the words were modified for the version that appears on "Jesus Christ Morningstar." Pete Townshend

73 Love & Kisses Parody of "Rock and Roll All Night" by Kiss Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 6 Deut. 6:5, Matt. 22:36-38, Mk. 12:28-30 In Deuteronomy 6:5, it says, "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Almost a millennium and a half later, Jesus referred to this verse when asked what the greatest commandment was. I thought it would be amusing to take this classic party anthem and turn it into a song about living for God. I think I wrote it during the six months or so we took off in the second half of 1997, because we started playing it soon after we came back in January Then we released it on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" at the end of that year. I used to do spontaneous hand motions while I sang this song live, and I noticed that people in the audience were copying them, so we started teaching the motions to people before we'd play it in concert. We've long since handed those duties over to our bass player, Keith Haynie, who was the band's biggest KISS fan until Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner took over on drums. You know Moses and the things of God The 10 Commandments and the Jewish laws You try to find which one's the greatest You say you wanna know where it is It's part of Deuteronomy chapter 6 You try verse five; you'll find it baby You read about it You need to shout it I love the Lord with all my might My heart and everything (4X) The people came to Jesus Christ for a while They looked for answers and they liked His style You tell us, Christ, which law's the greatest? "Love the Lord with everything you've got," Jesus said, "Well, that's My first law "Do all this while you love your neighbor." Don't even doubt it You need to shout it CHORUS Kiss did a studio version first and then released an even-better live version, so we thought we'd try the same on "New & Used Hits." Paul Stanley & Gene Simmons

74 Parable Guy Parody of "American Pie" by Don McLean Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 7 Mark 4:33,34 Jesus did so much of His teaching using parables, and it's easy to see why. Those word pictures stick with you. Who can forget the images of the Prodigal Son or the Good Samaritan? I wanted to cram as many of His parables into one song as possible. Thankfully, we used one of the longest hit songs in rock history! I got the idea for this song in 1991 while driving home from visiting a girl I was dating in Washington. It was a Sunday night, and the ideas started coming at me like a meteor shower. I had to pull over to the side of the road to write them down. The original version of this song appeared on our first homemade cassette, "Parable Guy," in the fall of Of course, I can never leave anything alone, so I had changed most of the words by the time we rerecorded it on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" in If you listen closely to the version on "Morningstar," Karl's dog, Marcel, barks in perfect time with the words "selfish wealth." Don McLean A long, long time ago, I can still remember how amusing He could make things sound And I knew if I'd had my pen, that I should take notes even then And maybe then I'd have them for you now But every word He said was clever -- and every parable I remember Matthew has recorded -- and Luke, I think, has more yet I can't remember if I try -- what I learned about in junior high But some things taught by Jesus Christ remain, refusing to die So bye, bye Mr. Parable Guy Got my blessin' through the lessons taught by Heaven's Messiah Them good old days of seekin' wisdom divine Sittin' list'nin' to the Parable Guy -- Listen to the Parable Guy Did you like the Book of Luke and do you like fables that are true If you like I'll tell you some Cause a true believer's crop is slow when seed gets wasted on the road, but Plant 'em deep and plow the land and they'll grow Now I know the storms will come again so don't start your mansion in the sand He won't pick off the fruits if that fig tree didn't produce And if a lowly widow won't give up she can make her case and win a wicked judge But the new wine is powerful stuff -- it waits for you to try You gotta drink it CHORUS Now, if a shepherd's sheep are all at home and one goes out on his own alone Well, that's not where he needs to be Won't the shepherd search for the missing sheep and of course, a woman doesn't sleep Till the coin she can't find is retrieved Oh, and while the kid was gettin' down and spendin' all his money in town Of course his father yearned -- oh, for him to return And all the weddin' guests who don't get smart The Lord just catches them off guard And leaves them virgins in the dark the day the groom arrives Bells were ringin' CHORUS Selfish wealth it isn't gonna help if your barns are stocked like a fallout shelter Grain piled high with all your cash The wedding has a lot of guests -- Today it's time for your formal best I'd suggest you follow guidelines when you dress Now at halftime there were things to do so the farmer paid another crew They all got paid for that -- Oh, but the jealous ones were mad And as the treasure finder pays takes the field -- The merchant says this jewel's a steal They'll lose it all for such a deal and pay the fullest price They got the kingdom CHORUS Oh, and there they were all in one place from every nation, tongue and race With goats and lambs apart in pens So c'mon, drag the fishnet, catch the fish -- Don't splash that on your candlestick cause Flour with the leaven's gonna spread Oh, and as they robbed him on the way the man was left in disarray No neighbor stopped to help -- And he couldn't save himself And as a stranger finally pulled aside -- He spied the battered Israelite I saw Him save him gladly with delight -- He made it through the night He was strengthened CHORUS The little children sang the blues and they blasted forth some happy tunes But things just failed to turn their way "I went out and I made some more!" said the servant who got his reward But the man that had excuses couldn't pay And when the wheat was filled with weeds The mustard climbed from the smallest seed And all the birds were hopin' the birdhouse now was open And the thing that I admire most from all those funny parables They taught the lessons for the folks whose faith was rooted in Christ Cause they were seekin' CHORUS

75 I'll Prepare for You Parody of "I'll Be There for You" by The Rembrandts Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 8 John 14 This song is based on Jesus' words at the Last Supper in John 13-17, the title and chorus comes from John 14:2-3, when Jesus says, "In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." Later in that same discourse (John 15:13-15a), Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends." Since He used the word "friends" in three consecutive verses, it seemed appropriate that we use a song that was also used as the theme for the television show "Friends." M. J. Skloff, D.L. Crane, M. F. Kauffman, D.C. Wilde, P.R. Solem & A.S. Willis So Jesus told His disciples, "I'm gonna go away "But where I go you know." They all cried, "Please explain." He said, "You've all been stuck in second grade "If you haven't seen the Way, the Truth, the Life is here in your face... but "I'll prepare for you... prepare a place up above "I'll prepare for you... 'cause I've been there before "I'll prepare for you... and you prepare for me, too." "I'll send another friend to help you on your way "You'll learn from Him, you'll go far. Please don't be afraid "The Father helped me do the things I did "But you even will do greater works than that if you believe -- that CHORUS "The world could never know Him -- The world could not receive Him "So you're the only ones who know what it's like to know Him "There'll come a place and day when He'll come to live inside you "Soon when all of this happens you will know the words I said were true." LEAD "Seems like you've all been stuck in second grade "If you haven't seen the Way, the Truth, the Life is here in your face, but CHORUS

76 I Have to Die First Parody of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 9 John 12:23-24, Mk. 8:31, 9:31-32, 10:34, Lk. 18:31-33, 1 Cor. 15:26,55 Jesus predicted His death a number of times in the Gospels, including three separate times in three consecutive chapters in Mark (Mark 8:31, 9:31-32, 10:34), but His disciples still didn't get it. After His resurrection, two angels had to remind the women at the tomb: "He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.'" (Luke 24:6-7) We started noodling with "Eye of the Tiger" during practice in Karl's basement, and this words started coming to me as I improvised. In a few days, the song was complete. Frankie Sullivan & Jim Peterik "I'm risin' up," that's what He said. "It's My time. Let's commence this "In three days I will be back from the dead -- There's a plan to fulfill in My life" So many times, He'd talked in the past -- About His passion and glory "Just like the grain used for wheat has to die, I must die, so the wheat can arise." He said, "I have to die first to fulfill all the signs Risin' up through the power of My Father And at last when the hour has come you'll know I was right And I warned you before this -- that I had to die first" Facin' death, in Gethsemane -- Sweatin' blood, feelin' lonely He prayed to God, "You can take this from Me if You will," but He still had to die He said, "I have to die first in this terrible fight Risin' up through the power of My Father And my last lonely hour I'll be prayin' tonight But I want you to know this -- that I Have to die first" Risin' up, hate filled the mob -- Took the Lord up to Calvary Read the sentence, nailed our Lord to the cross -- Yet the Man that they killed is alive He said, "I have to die first -- it's a strange way to fight Risin' up through the power of My Father And at last I'll arise and put the devil to flight And I warned you before this that I have to die first" That I have to die first

77 Didn't Just Die Parody of "Live and Let Die" by Paul McCartney & Wings Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 10 1 Cor. 15:12-20 In 1 Corinthians 15:17-19, the Apostle Paul talks about the importance of the Resurrection: "And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men." When He was hung on the cross like a common crook His accusers said He was just dead (You know they did, you know they did...) But it was everlasting life that He was livin' -- And they'd get a surprise He didn't just die! Didn't just die! Didn't just die! Didn't just die! LEAD What He did matters to ya -- Man He did a job for you -- you couldn t do yourself He had to save ya from the pit of Hell LEAD Now you still say He was just dead (You know you did, you know you did...) But He could never save this world unless He's livin' Don't you give up on Christ -- He didn't just die! But there's good news: He didn't just die! I got the idea for this one sometime in the spring of 1992 after our first concert as ApologetiX, and it appeared on our first live cassette, "Get Your Wigs," which was recorded in June of that year. I loved the way "He didn't just die" rhymed with "Say 'live and let die,'" and the way the music matched the climatic moment. I played with the words a little bit before we recorded the song on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" in However, I wound up changing one line back to the 1992 version when we recorded "Hits: The Road" in I decided I like the line "You should sing hallelujah" better than "what He did matters to ya." Paul & Linda McCartney

78 Died and Rose Parody of "China Grove" by Doobie Brothers Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 11 1 Cor. 15:3-5, 1 Thess. 4:14 When Paul is summarizing the Gospel to the Corinthians, he starts it out with this: "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures..." (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) Simply put, He died and rose. "Died and Rose" was actually written the year before "Didn't Just Die," even though they became great companion pieces on both "Jesus Christ Morningstar" and "Hits: The Roads." The titles flow well together, as do the lyrics, and the music. When the Son come down He was deep within the ground surrounded by a giant stone And it's no surprise that on the Sabbath day all His pals stayed home But things were all about to change and they never were the same Well, we're talkin' cause He died and rose -- Lord, died and rose! Well, their leader, Simon Peter, and John the Apostle, they took a walk to the tomb And the Gospel came alive when they arrived and they found an empty room But they had forgotten His claim that He'd resurface again Well, we're talkin' 'cause He died and rose -- Lord, died and rose! Then He came when the group met Sunday -- They'd locked the doors and shut the room But standin' right among them was the man they called Lord You just should have seen the look in their eyes! But Thomas would doubt it for eight more days Till Jesus came when he was there -- He just took one look and he believed! LEAD "Died and Rose" appeared on both our first live homemade cassette, "Get Your Wigs," and our first studio homemade cassette, "Parable Guy." Tom Johnston

79 You May be Bright Parody of "You May be Right" by Billy Joel Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 12 John 3:19-21 Some skeptics claim Jesus' disciples faked His resurrection, stealing His body after He died, even though there was a large stone rolled in front of the grave and a Roman guard present to prevent such a thing. Doesn't it seem strange that the same disciples who ran and hid when the living Christ was taken by the religious authorities would suddenly get bold and try to take Christ's dead body from the far more intimidating Roman army? Other unbelievers say Jesus faked His death, and that He was only "near death" but not actually dead after receiving 39 lashes, being beaten with rods, getting crowned with thorns, carrying a cross out of town and up a hill, being nailed to a cross, and then having a spear thrust through His side. Think about that. If you saw anybody short of Superman take that kind of punishment in a movie and not actually die, you'd saw that movie was impossible to believe. Isn't it funny that those people who find it so hard to believe in Christ's resurrection explain it away with theories that are just as hard to believe? They may be bright; I say they're crazy. Billy Joel Friday Christ had just departed, Saturday Christ's grave was guarded Sunday came and Christ came out again And the stone they had in front was a sturdy heavy one That they all were much too weak to roll away Now the men they had to guard that stone were top defensive guys from Rome Even though Christ's own disciples were afraid But the stone was knocked aside and He made it out alive So you said they only moved Him from His grave You may be bright -- I say you're crazy Hey, but you just may need illuminated a little more Turn on the light -- it's kinda shady My faith is strong because I know the way He died Remember how they crowned Him there 'cause Rome had no electric chair They slowly tortured folks until they died Yeah, the Romans scourged Him and -- they said "Take this cross and stand Cause we'd like you, Boy, to drag this for a while" Then on top of all the things they'd tried, when Christ was done they crucified Him Someone's spear went straight through at His waist But you say the Man just swooned and they all were just confused And He really was just in a coma state You may be bright -- I say you're crazy Hey, but it just may be excuses that you're lookin' for If you hate the light -- It's too late to save ya My faith is strong because I know the way He died You may be bright -- I say you're crazy Hey, but I just can't be the humanist you're lookin' for Throw out the lies -- don't try to phase me You say we're wrong because I know you hate the light

80 L.S.F. Parody of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by The Beatles Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 13 Acts 1:1-12 This tune takes a look at Jesus' Ascension into Heaven as described in Acts 1, Luke 24, and Mark 16 and His future return from Heaven to earth as described in 1 Thessalonians 4 and 1 Corinthians 15. I know the chorus is corny, but I couldn't resist. I remember pulling into the parking lot at Station Square in Pittsburgh on my way to work in early 1996 with a big smile on my face. John Lennon & Paul McCartney Picture yourself on the Mount called Olivet You're standin' with Jesus... a marvelous time Then while you talk He begins to rise slowly -- and gives you His final goodbyes Aeroplane flyers were seldomly seen down in Jerusalem then Look for the Lord with the sun in your eyes and He's gone! Lookee, in the sky, He's flyin'! REPEAT Following that there appear on the mountain a couple of angels in garments so white "Ye men of Galilee," they say, "please tell us how come you still stare at the sky? Soon He'll be back, He'll appear as before where He was taken away When He comes back, He'll descend through the clouds." Then they're gone! Lookee, in the sky, you'll find Him! REPEAT Scripture foretells of a day we'll be taken "The Rapture," they call it -- it's looking like time Suddenly trumpets declare His return while the church will arise to go with Christ Lookee, in the sky, we're flyin'! REPEAT

81 Spirit Inside Parody of "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 14 Acts 1 & 2 As we say in concert, this song is based on Acts 2... and Apollo 13. The lyrics remind us of the arrival of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost and the music reminds us of the famous Tom Hanks movie. In Acts 1:8, Jesus promised His disciples, "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." In Acts 2, that promise came true. A lot of people see "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum as a Christian song. My biggest issue with that is the line "Never been a sinner -- I never sinned," which flies in the face of the Gospel. The Bible says "If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." (1 John 1:10) I used to sing this song in a band called Nice Piranha back in 1987, right before I became a born-again Christian and got the Spirit inside. Norman Greenbaum When He died and was raised from the dead -- taught us all 40 days then He said Well my friends, It's time to fly, but wait up for the Spirit to arrive Go wait up for the Spirit from on High That's who you're gonna know when I fly When I fly and you may be depressed He's gonna grow you in faith to pass the test Prepare yourselves, but don't get so rushed -- God'll have a Friend come teach ya Don't you know that when I fly -- I'm gonna recommend He put the Spirit in you guys Gonna recommend He put the Spirit in you guys To show you miracles, make you wise When I fly if you wait you'll be blest He's gonna blow through this place in just a bit LEAD When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. (NIV) Never been a preacher but ever since I got that Friend from Jesus Don't you know I've been on fire 'cause God has filled me up with the Spirit inside God has filled me up with the Spirit inside That's why I'm gonna go far and wide Far and wide with the faith I confess I'm gonna go every place and tell the rest -- Show 'em the way that's the best

82 Walk His Way Parody of "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 15 Acts 3:1-12 This is the story of a 40-year-old crippled beggar -- lame since birth -- who was healed by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the Apostles Peter and John in Acts chapter 3. That was the day he learned how to walk His way. Joe Perry & Steven Tyler Bad-footed brother, I was hopin' to recover but the doctors I'm sad to say Said "We can't do nothin' so you're down on your luck because You're sure to be lame to stay." It was clear to me that what I needed was to be the kind of guy you could never resist Had to beg for my supper with a system I discovered When I started as a little kid -- like this! LEAD See my sign sayin' "Give a coin to the poor"? Could you please find somethin' to spare? I'd say, "Hey, give a little bit of pity to a cripple!" When it seemed like they didn't care But I took a big step as the Bible says with some Christians who were ready to pray Cause it seemed my feet was ruined but they knew what they was doin' When the both of them appeared today And they told me to... walk His way (4x) They just gave me a gift -- like this! So John and Peter -- was a passin' by this afternoon for prayer time today at three I said, "Please, I'm beggin' -- put some gold in my pockets!" When they told me, "Baby, look here at me!" I was a-quite confused I never made it with my legs Until their voice told me somethin' was diff They said, "Forget those treasures 'cause we got a better favor." And they gave me just a little gift like this LEAD Things started tinglin' and the boys gave a pull with my feet flyin' up in the air Sayin', "Hey, it's a miracle!" It's really pretty clear because I didn't have to sit in a chair So I took a big step with my right foot and left With those Christians who were ready to pray Was a really big improvement 'cause they knew what they was doin' When they told me now to walk His way -- I'm goin' to Walk His way (8x) He just gave me a gift -- like this!

83 John 1:1 Parody of "Fun, Fun, Fun" by Beach Boys Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 16 John 1:1 John 1:1 says the following: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:14 leaves no doubt as to who the Word was, when it says "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." Jesus was the Word. I wasn't the best student in algebra class, but I do remember that if A equals B and B equals C, then A equals C. Consequently, if Jesus was the Word, and the Word was God, then Jesus was God. And He still is. The Jehovah's Witnesses New World Translation will try to tell you that "The Word was a god." Don't buy it. All the reputable Greek scholars and reputable Bible translations agree; the Word was God, not "a god." Mike Love & Brian Wilson Well, it's not a very hard thing to prove so I can't understand now Seems they forgot all about when Christ very nicely told them "I AM," now But here's a way we know that the Lord Jesus wasn't just a good man now You'll see that John 1:1 tells us God is really Jesus the Word You know the verse says the Word was with God in the very first place now (You watch what it says now, you watch what it says) Its says that in the beginning the Word was God -- it's there in your face now (You look up the place now, you look up the place) A lot of guys might not catch it yet but Jesus was the Word made flesh now (The Bible explains now, the Bible explains) You see that John 1:1 tells us God is really Jesus the Word LEAD Well, you knew all along but you had to get some Bible proof now (The proof is supplied now, the proof is supplied) And if you look yourself you'll see that the things we talked about are all true (We wouldn't have lied now, we wouldn't have lied) The truth is John 1:1 says Jesus is God and not a big guru now (Yeshua's divine now, Yeshua's divine) You see that John 1:1 tells us God is really Jesus the Word REPEAT

84 Narrow Way to Heaven Parody of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 17 Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24 John 6:44, 14:6 In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says this about the way to Heaven: "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." In John 14:6, He elaborates on what (or rather, who) the way to Heaven is, when He says "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." This song was our standard altar call song for much of our career. In the early days, we called it "Yourway to Heaven," and it had the same theme but different lyrics. That version appeared on the original "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" cassette in I was never really happy with that version, so I spent a lot of time crafting a better version, "Narrow Way to Heaven," which we recorded in 1998 on "Jesus Christ Morningstar." I think we play this a lot better "live" than we did even on "Morningstar." We had planned to record it on our "Hits: The Road" CD, but technical difficulties prohibited us from doing so. Jimmy Page & Robert Plant There's a way Jesus showed all us sinners must go And He called it the narrow way to Heaven If to get there's your goal -- with a pure heart and soul In His Word you can get what you came for Ooooooh and he described it right there in Matthew 7 There've been signs all along but you want to be sure Cause the road sometimes swerves as you're reading In the free Bible book, there in John 3:16, come find how all our faults are forgiven Two ways to ponder -- two ways to ponder There's a freeway of death and it hooks to the left And the steering and driving is easy It is not quite as seems -- see that smoke, feel the heat Hear the voice of the Lord who stands knockin' Ooooooh... it takes you under. Ooooooh... it really takes you under And it's His Word that's true -- if we all follow through Then the Bible will lead us to Jesus And the true way will dawn -- on those who've read John Chapter 14 verse 6 and thereafter Ooooooh... If there's a possible dead end road -- don't be a lost man It's best to think before you take it Yes, there are two paths you can go by -- but there's a wrong one But there's still time to change the road you're on Ooooooh... can it take you up there? You're headed somewhere but it won't go the place you wanna go If Christ has called and you avoid Him The way to Heaven's very narrow, and did you know It's very wide on the way to Hell? LEAD Where will you wind up down the road -- a shadow land or street of gold? There is a Way that we all know -- He shines bright light on words that show How every man will turn to dust -- but if you let Him in your heart The Truth will come to you at last -- and our Lord warned us where to go And He was God -- He ought to know And He called it the narrow way to Heaven

85 Fakey Shaky Parts Parody of "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus Jesus Christ Morningstar Track 18 2 Tim. 3:16, Matt. 24:35, Mark 13:31, Luke 21:33, 2 Peter 3:16, Rev. 22:18-19 Some people want to pick and choose which parts of the Bible they think are inspired. The Bible doesn't give us that option. As it says in 2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness..." Either believe it all or don't believe it at all. All of the parts go together, and the New Testament is built upon the Old Testament. I wrote this parody in 1994, along with "Bends to Low Places," as Karl was rediscovering his love for country music thanks to his new bride, Deb. On this track, David McKee carries on the grand tradition of having the drummer count in the last song on a CD, started by Keith Harrold on "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" and continued by Rick Servocky on "Radical History Tour." Bob Flaherty didn't count us in on the last track on "Ticked," but when we were recording those, we didn't know which track would be the last track. Donald Von Tress You can tell the world with banners all unfurled -- You just learned Theology 101 And you can say you went to Bible school and then The class you took said half the book was wrong You can fill your heart with lots of question marks You'll still tell me Jesus is your Lord But I can tell you this -- If it was hit or miss -- I wouldn't read the Bible anymore Don't tear apart the sacred Word of God -- You just gotta take it as it stands Cause if it's all a farce with fakey shaky parts You might as well dump it in the can You can tell me John and Luke and Mark was wrong You can say that's not what Christ would say But tell me, brother, this: Did Jesus tell a fib? He said His words would never pass away Go read verse 3:16 in Second Timothy -- It says all Scripture comes with God's O.K. So you I'll tell goodbye and watch out for your pride Cause I'll be walkin' out on you today CHORUS Noah and the ark and Abraham and Lot -- Isaac and Rebekah and the twins And Ishmael I forgot and Jacob and Esau -- The Bible's built upon these men

86 Biblical Graffiti 1999 Yeah, we admit that "Biblical Graffiti" is an unlikely combination of words,but, then again, so is "Christian Rock" and "Jesus Freak." Thirty-five years ago, Simon and Garfunkel said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls." But thousands of years ago, you can find much older biblical graffiti way back in the book of Daniel, chapter 5, with the original "writing on the wall." We confess that we weren't thinking about Daniel when the words "biblical Graffiti" first came to us, although that was a confirmation. Actually, we were thinking about how this CD would have many songs encompassing many styles, so we considered spoofing some famous diverse double album from the past like the Beatles' White Album, the Rolling Stones' "Exile on Main Street," or Pink Floyd's "The Wall" (yeah, we obviously thought about that one.) Then, we remembered Led Zeppelin's "Physical Graffiti." and a light bulb went on. Not only is "Biblical Graffiti" a cool title,it's got a nifty little story behind it: When ApologetiX lyricist J. Jackson was in grade school, a bunch of kids in his grade were writing smutty graffiti on the walls and stalls of the boys' room and it bothered him. Although J. wasn't a born-again Christian yet, God was already working in his life and he started writing scripture verses and verse numbers (He didn't really know verse numbers so he made them up from what he remembered from church) next to the offensive graffiti. Anyway, it's kind of ironic because J. didn't know the Bible very well back then but there he was back then trying to sanctify the sacrilegious by adding scripture verses and verse numbers way back in grade school. Kind o f prophetic on God's part, don't you think? All in all, it was another brick in the wall of what God was building in ApologetiX

87 One Way Parody of "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies Biblical Graffiti Track 1 Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24, John 6:44, 14:6; Luke 13:23-24, Acts 4:12, 1 Cor. 8:5-6; Deut. 5:7, 6:4, Exodus 20:3 The Bible has a lot of different ways of telling us there's only one way to Heaven. In other words, there are many verses but they all the say the same thing. Jesus makes it clear in John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Peter adds the following in Acts 4:12, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." And Paul elaborates in 1 Timothy 2:5: "For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus..." I remember working on this parody outside a Salvation Army church in Somerset PA. It's one of my all-time favorite ApologetiX songs. Ed Robertson It's been one way, take a look and see, up to Heaven, the Bible says it plainly False faith and philosophy can't get ya to Heaven -- come back to Jesus He's the way and the living truth You realize that all those false gods couldn't help you Yes indeed, He's forgiven me, and He can still get you saved if you say you're sorry Holy cow they got you hoodwinked with the pagan god thing I think you're lookin' at also rans But some of this superstition though it might be called religion Finds find you sizzlin' with the devil in the fryin' pan It's not like the Bible says it one time More like 300 times it says there's only one avenue First C'rinthians chapter 8:6, the Bible says this You try to tell me that it's not true I think you're makin' a mistake -- I'd like to take and wake and shake ya Like to tell you how to find yourself the way there Cause Jesus showed us and we know where every soul is gonna ago Unless n' they confess Him as their Lord and Savior I cannot help it if I think there's one way and you're mad Tryin' hard not to sin but you're still bad There's a time to die and after the funeral Then you'll understand what I mean when it's too real I have a tendency to stand behind John 14 John 14:6 could be my favorite Bible verse. It s been one way, take a look and see, Deuteronomy says it pretty plainly 5:7 the passage reads: "You shall have no other gods before me" (You can) read Exodus halfway through You read that line in chapter 20 'cause it's there, too Yes, indeed, chapter 20, verse 3 Now, it's written in two places for you, and you saw it (Catch your breath here) Check into China the Chinese Christians They haven t done zip but they're chained up in prison Cause they read their Bibles with the lights on or cause they prayed once Or cause they spoke on their religion In America it's more like getting dandruff, they see you stand up They snicker when they see you passin' by They'd cure us all of all our bad flaws -- They wanna make laws But if they did they'd have us sterilized They get upset at anyone who tries definin' God above They're so alarmed they always try to start attacking Their attitude is that you're rude and that no truth is absolute anyway, babe So let them think the wrong thing I cannot help it if I think there's one way into Heaven Kinda hard to ignore Matthew chapter 7 I can find the line in Acts chapter 4:12 Cannot be saved by the name of someone else I have First Timothy to verify my beliefs, there's quite a bit to read but 2:5's the verse It s been one way, take a look and see, drop your guard and your pride and say I'm sorry Bible says what you have to do It says you just confess that Christ is Lord -- He'll come in you Believe that He's risen, too, you'll realize you're born again, I wouldn't tease you Yes, indeed, we can all be saved But there will still be too many who won't say they're sorry And still Jesus waits till we say we're sorry And still Jesus waits so please say you're sorry At least God don't speak in code like Hammurabi

88 Twins Came Out Parody of "Twist and Shout" by The Beatles Biblical Graffiti Track 2 Gen 25:24-27 Long before the Olsen Twins, the Doublemint Twins, and even the Bobbsey Twins, there were Isaac and Rebekah's twin sons, Esau and Jacob. These guys were anything BUT identical twins. Everybody knows about Jacob, who went on to even greater fame as Israel. This songs focuses on his older (slightly) brother. As it says in Genesis 25:25, "The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau." I think I remember getting the idea for this song on a car trip on the way back from Jumonville PA in the mid-1990's. Bert Russell & Phil Medley When Jacob was a baby now (Jake was a baby) Twins came out (Twins came out) He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't the baby now (Wasn't the baby) Who was the first to come out (First to come out) You know the first to come out now (First to come out) You know he looked so red (Looked so red) He could have played for Cincinnati now (Played for the Reds) Became a hunter instead (Became a hunter instead) When Jacob was a baby now (Jake was a baby) Twins came out (Twins came out) He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't the baby now (Wasn't the baby) Who was the first to come out (First to come out) You know, the first little boy (First little boy) You know he looked so wild (Looked so wild) He barely needed winter clothing now (Needed winter clothing) He was a hairy little child (Hairy little child) LEAD E-sau -- ah -- ah -- ah -- ah Whoahhh! When Jacob was a baby now (Jake was a baby) Twins came out (Twins came out) He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't the baby now (Wasn't the baby) Who was the first to come out (First to come out) You know the twins' little mom (Twins' little mom) She knew the twins would fight (Twins would fight) Cause they were wrestlin' deep inside her now (Wrestlin' inside her) Just like the Lord prophesied (Lord prophesied) When Jacob, Jacob was a baby now (3x)

89 Every Step to Take Parody of "Every Breath You Take" by The Police Biblical Graffiti Track 3 Romans 10:9-13, 2 Peter 3:9 This song discusses salvation, only it's not like there really are a bunch of steps. Aside from Romans 10:9-13, the other key passage of scripture discussed here is 2 Peter 3:9: "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." I was in my second band the summer "Every Breath You Take" came out as a single. I was a big Police fan, so I bought the "Synchronicity" album the day it came out, and we learned the song right away. Sting Every debt you face can be removed through grace Every law you break can be fixed through faith if you want them to Every sinful way can be cured today Every stain will fade -- they'll be wiped away if you want them to Oh, can't you see? You'd be wrong to flee While the good Lord waits till every soul is saved If you move too late there's a price you pay There's no time to waste -- get a clean, new slate cause He wants you to Sinned so long I d be lost without His grace cause Jesus Christ is the only way that saves You're lookin' 'round for a truth you can embrace He'll fill your soul with a strong enduring faith At least try Him, baby, baby please. Oh, can't you see -- Second Peter 3? How the good Lord waits -- till every soul is saved If you use true faith, if you bow to pray Use your mouth to say Jesus' name today cause that's what to do He'll remove your shame, just confess His name cause that s what to do Cause He wants you to

90 969 Parody of "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams Biblical Graffiti Track 4 Gen. 5:1-32, Romans 10:6-9 According to the Bible, people used to live a lot longer than they do today. Adam and a number of his descendants lived to ages over 900! The oldest age recorded in the Bible is 969, attained by a guy named Methuselah, the grandfather of Noah (Genesis 5:27). No matter how old you are now, you have no guarantees for tomorrow unless you give your heart to Christ. That's why the Bible says in the Psalms and in Hebrews (three times): "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts." We started jamming on this song in practice back in 1997, and I got all the parody words over the next few days. I remember having some of them come to me while I was at Wal-Mart. Bryan Adams & Jim Vallance You got to learn a little history -- Oldest man in Bible times Name was called Methuselah -- Was nine hundred and sixty-nine We had some guys come close -- Almost ran for a thousand yards Didn't they quit till they got buried -- They should've known it just was too hard When we look back now -- Those fellas seemed to live forever And you just get annoyed -- cause you don't wanna believe it Those guys were blessed with such long lives Ain't no use in explainin' -- if you're gonna doubt the truth Spent your life doubtin' the Bible -- and that's the fountain of youth yeah Standin' knockin' on your door -- He told ya you could live forever I hope you understand -- the truth is it's now or never These are the last days of your life That should be somethin' that sticks in your mind Yeah, we're runnin' out of time -- But the young forget that they need eternal life To get somethin' that last forever -- forever -- Whoa! Yeah! And all the time we're agin' -- Look at every wrinkle comin' on Some guys don't even live to be Think about that while I end this song Standin' knockin' on your door -- He told you how to live forever I hope you understand -- Hebrews three says it's now or never These are the last days of your life. That should be somethin' that sticks in your mind

91 Second Timothy Parody of "Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground Biblical Graffiti Track 5 2 Timothy 3:16 I think I got the idea for this parody while riding in the band van on the way to a concert in Gaffney SC in It deals with the accuracy, applicability, and inspiration of scripture, as discussed in 2 Timothy 3:16-17: " All Scripture is Godbreathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. I am reminded of a woman who was trying to reach a particular tribe who had never heard the Gospel and she took the long time to learn their language and translated the Gospel of Matthew, but she left out the beginning with the genealogies, because she didn t think it mattered. When the Gospels arrived in the village, the people were all excited, and she was, too. Then she realized it was because they d never seen a truck before and that s all. Her Gospels lay unread. Hangin' round, found a Bible on the shelf And I had so much time to sit and read it for myself and there it was My Bible verified my very thoughts -- all Scripture is inspired I saw Second Timothy, yeah -- Verse 3:16, it s right there Who says that there's previous errors in my Old Test'ment? You know it surely isn't me (yeah) -- Mama, they should read 3:16 (dig it) Bring it down, down from off your shelf And go read verse 3:16 in Second Timothy yourself Go there because -- cause that verse demonstrates Oh, yes it does -- all Scripture's heaven-made I saw Second Timothy, yeah -- Who's got doubts cause -- it's quite clear Who says that there's grev-i-ous errors in my Old Test'ment? Mama, it surely isn't me (yeah) -- Mama, they should read 3:16 (dig it) I saw Second Timothy, yeah. Who's got doubts cause it's right there Who says that there's devious errors in my Old Test'ment? Mama, it surely isn't me (yeah) -- Yeah, mama, they should read 3:16 Yeah, mama, it shows you what I mean -- Yeah, mama, I trust what I read Later she took the time to translate the genealogy and do the complete story. Much to her surprise, the village chief contacted her one time and wanted to know what the genealogies meant. She explained, and then he said, Do you mean this Jesus is a real person? He never understood that until he saw the genealogy, which was something he could relate to. Then he said, How come nobody ever came and told us about Him before? True story. You never know what God is going to use (like genealogies) and He promises that His Word never comes back void (Isaiah 55:11). John K. Wozniak

92 You Ain't Been Nothing Yet Parody of "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by BTO Biblical Graffiti Track 6 Exodus 4 I got inspired to write this parody after watching the San Diego Chargers upset our beloved Pittsburgh Steelers in the 1995 AFC Championship game. After the game, they interview Chargers running back Natrone Means, who talked about how nobody had given his team a chance. He stuttered as he spoke, and it reminded me of Moses back in the Bible when he said, ""O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." (Exodus 4:10) Whether Moses was just a poor public speaker or he had an actual speech impediment, it's interesting to note that he didn't think he'd gotten any better at speaking after God appeared to Him. But God still wanted to use him. And, boy, did He use him. The Father knows best! The original title for this parody was "He'll Make You Something Great." I revised it in 1999 for release on "Biblical Graffiti." The Lord appeared to Moses. He told him what to say He said, "I have a tongue that's goofy" but God wanted him that way He said that any tongue is good enough "so you do what I just said You go to Egypt to them Israelites and then I'll make you something yet!" M-m-m-moses said, "I ain't been nothin' yet! Did someone that's in Heaven up there forget? You know, you know, you know, I'm 80 and I ain't been nothin' yet!" ("They'll say, You ain't been around -- That's what they'll tell me") I've heard that Moses stuttered or something of the sort He turned into a prophet yet he never found the cure You see that anyone is good enough if they trust what God has said In the book that I just read cause then He'll put belief in them deep down inside And then He'll make them something yet M-m-maybe, you just ain't been nothin' yet It's comin', it's comin' -- You just hang on and don't fret B-b-b-baby, He'll make you something yet. (You need elevated -- God'll make you cool!) Anyone can be something -- If they trust what God has said In the book that I just read and then He changes you deep down inside And then He'll make you something yet M-m-maybe, you just ain't been nothin' yet It's comin', it's comin' -- He's the Lord and you never oughta forget B-b-b-baby, He'll make you something yet

93 Donkey Talked with Him Parody of "Honky Tonk Women" by The Rolling Stones Biblical Graffiti Track 7 Numbers This is the famous story of Balaam and his talking donkey in Numbers 22. Balaam was a sorcerer, and it's interesting to note that he didn't even seem surprised when his donkey spoke. He was more shocked at sight of the Angel of the LORD with the drawn sword who appeared in front of them both soon after. I got the idea for this song while I was on the phone with Karl one day. I was thinking about AC/DC's song "Moneytalks" and said, "We could do 'Donkeytalk.'" And then the idea for "Donkey Talked With Him" popped into my head. Eureka! Since the subject of this song was a donkey, we couldn't resist adding an additional spoofed snippet of our favorite donkey-oriented Rolling Stones song, "Beast of Burden," in the middle. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards They sent a man of prophecy against us They tried to make him curse us for a price He had to leave without it 'cause he told them "Guys, I just can't seem to curse the Israelites!" His do-o-onkey talked with him Give him, give him, give him the donkey talk blues King Balak sent for Balaam to curse Israel He had to get on his donkey for a ride An angel nearly cut him into pieces His donkey froze and then she spoke her mind! CHORUS I ve never seen no beast of burden Who actually spoke, but it's for certain All I want is for you to read Numbers please Chapter 22, sugarpop! CHORUS

94 Ronomy Parody of "Runaway" by Del Shannon Biblical Graffiti Track 8 Deuteronomy 29:5 This is a simple song about the Israelites in the Exodus and wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. I can't remember where I was when I got the idea, but it came pretty quickly, sometime in the mid- 1990's. Even in the midst of the wilderness, when God refused to let the Israelites enter the promised land for 40 years, He was still performing miracles. One of the most amazing ones is mentioned in Deuteronomy 29:5: "During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet." As they walked along they numbered two million strong With all of their wives and all their young And as Israel walked out of Egypt some things went wrong in the desert That's why they took so long In the book where it began, Israel found itself in Egypt's land Bid adieu in Exodus, straight through Leviticus and Numbers They wa-wa-wa-wa-wandered While, while, while, while, while they went astray And they wound up their desert stay in Deuteronomy A-ron-ron-ron-ron-ronomy

95 Credence Thru Deepwater Survival Parody of "Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival Biblical Graffiti Track 9 Psalm 18:16, Exodus 14, Joshua 3, 2 Kings 2:8-14, Jonah 1-2, Genesis 6-8, Acts 27, 2 Cor. 11:25 Everybody knows that Moses led the Israelites through the Red Sea, but did you know that Joshua did the same thing through the Jordan? God brings His people through deep waters both figuratively and literally as demonstrated in this song's accounts of Moses, Joshua, Elijah, Elisha, Noah, Jonah, and Peter. Note: Creedence Clearwater Revival deliberately misspelled the word "credence" in their name. The American Heritage Dictionary defines credence as "Acceptance as true or valid; belief." This was one of the first parodies I ever wrote, and I think we played it at our very first concert as ApologetiX. I revised the lyrics for "Biblical Graffiti," but both versions had Moses in the first verse, Joshua in the second, and Peter in the third. However, I added the rap shortly before we recorded it (Can you tell I was listening to DC Talk a lot?) because I wanted to mention Elijah, Elisha, Jonah, and Noah. John Fogerty MOSES: Lifted God's rod and He did it Walkin' on dry land through a tidal wave But I guess I was a bit off the deep end Worryin' bout the way we might escape Big waves keep on surgin' Proud Pharoah keep on gurglin' Rollin', rollin', rollin' back the river JOSHUA: Seen Him part the waves for Moses Joshua's my name and I'm new at this But I never saw the Lord dry up a river Till He switched the tide and the river flow quit Israel keep on learnin' -- Tide gonna keep on turnin' Rollin', rollin', rollin' back the river RAP: Joshua and Moses -- they already told us Evidence of providence that God almighty showed us But let me remind ya all about Elijah Walkin' through the Jordan followed by Elisha What about Noah? Don't leave out Jonah! Water water everywhere but not a drop will slow ya! All these readings you can see right in your Bible We call God's credence through deepwater survival SIMON PETER: Yes, you could drown in the river But you're gonna find some people who lived You don't have to worry if you have God's mercy Peter's one believer who's happy he did Be a real deepwater person Get out there and keep and keep on surfin' Strollin', strollin', strollin' on the river

96 Lawful Woman (in a Bad Place) Parody of "Long Cool Woman (in a Black Dress)" by The Hollies Biblical Graffiti Track 10 Joshua 2 A tale of espionage told by two spies sent by Joshua to Jericho right before the Israelites invaded. Joshua chapter 2 says they stayed at "house of a prostitute named Rahab," but the story shows that she was not as bad as she seemed. As this song puts it, "she was a lawful woman in a bad place." This song originally appeared on our homemade "Want It: Dead or Alive" cassette back in late 1992, and the words came fast and furious once I got the chorus. I revised the lyrics a bit for "Biblical Graffiti." Harold Clarke, Roger F. Cook & Roger John Reginald Greenaway Sat out the night in a bad town Workin' on some espionage Sent in there to test a battle plan Risky, but we tried to lodge Two of us pulled in, saw a red light For the people who were doing wrong I guess she was harlot but even then She had heard about-a Israel s God We were foreign spies but she helped us to hide We said that we d spare her her life She was an awful woman in a bad place In a town that was due for a fall With just one move she proved she had faith Was a lawful woman after all We saw her heart was true and faithful When the town knocked she hid that fact The town they said "Those fellows from Israel Can you tell us do you know where there at?" "There not in here," she said, "Go find them!" And everybody started to run A-jumpin' on their horse and camels In a hurry so real soon they were gone We could see they were gone so we left then We could see that we owed her our lives Well, we told her, "Don t get scared, 'cause you re gonna be spared" But we gotta see a red ribbon if ya wanna still be livin When the wall falls, woman in a bad place In a town that was due for a fall With just one move you proved you had faith You re a lawful woman after all After all! After all! Mmmmm... After all!

97 Kick in the Wall Pt. 2 Parody of "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2" by Pink Floyd Biblical Graffiti Track 11 Joshua 6 This song takes the familiar story of the fall of the wall of Jericho (from Joshua chapter 6) and turns it into a worship song. We thought it only appropriate that we should place this song directly after the song about the spies who checked out Jericho. A slightly different version of this parody (same theme, same title) appeared on our first studio-recorded homemade cassette, "Parable Guy," in the fall of We don't need no ammunition Victory's in God's control The dark side cannot win the battle We believe in Him alone Praise beats ya -- even Jericho! All in all let's just say God will kick in the wall All in all we'll just pray God will kick in the wall It's interesting that although the Israelites had warriors, it was God who caused the wall to fall down. The Bible says "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." That's 2 Corinthians 10:4, good buddy. Roger Waters

98 Fast Paul Parody of "The Way" by Fastball Biblical Graffiti Track 12 Rom. 10:14, 15:20; Acts 9:2; Acts 19:9, 23; 22:4; 24:14, 22 The Apostle Paul was not your average missionary, so why should we expect him to have an average mission statement? Check out what he says in Romans 15:20: "It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation." Paul's life was as a missionary was glorious but it wasn't glamorous. In 2 Corinthians 1:24-26, he recounted some of the hardships he'd faced: "Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers." But Paul still kept going... and going... and going. As he said in Romans 10:14, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?" Anthony M. Scalzo He made up his mind then he started acting He left to find the ones that God would save There's people who eternal life are lacking But how will they know it without preachers showing the Way? He laid down that line in Romans 10:14 But Paul had more important things to say The letters Paul wrote down they are exhorting Us to get going and out there to show them the Way Anyone could see the world if they wanted to stay with Paul 'cause he'd always run to wherever God called To different countries and every sort of place You can see his travels would lead him everywhere The whole way to Rome but he didn't get scared He wanted to find those who hadn't yet heard the Way that saves The churches sprang up and he organized them He left in charge the ones that God ordained He just wrote lots of letters for to guide them If you don't know them, go out and read Romans today Anyone could see the world if they wanted to stay with Paul "Let me go to somewhere they've never been told. If everyone's stuck here -- we'll never get no-one saved!" He could see his travels would lead him everywhere You know that in Romans 15 he declared: "I wanna preach Christ where they haven't yet heard the Way that saves Anyone could see the world if they wanted to stay with Paul But if your line's busy you'll never get called You'll never get rung if -- you never get bold and brave You can see his travels takin' him everywhere The whole way to Rome but he didn't get scared He wanted the highway -- Cause that's where he'd heard the Way to save

99 Jail Got Rocked Parody of "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley Biblical Graffiti Track 13 Acts 16:23-34 In Acts 16, Paul and Silas drove a demon out of a fortune-telling slave girl. They were rewarded with a beating and a night in jail. Despite this injustice, they sang praises to God while in prison. They were rewarded with an earthquake that set them free. Here's a song about what happened to them, and the effect it had on the jail keeper and his family. Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller Warden threw Paul and Silas down in jail The prisoners around 'em thought their plans had failed It started somethin' when the boys began to sing It shook the earth a lot and let the jailbirds spring In the stocks -- everybody was shocked Every door in each cell was unlocked When the Macedonian jail got rocked Silas started praisin' and it cracked some stone Little do they know it was a sign of what's to come A rumblin' noise it hit the boys and smashed those chains It broke the Richter scale -- it was a powerful thing CHORUS From the throne of Heaven came a thundering Tore right through the jail rather effortlessly They should've used a seismograph but honestly They wanted to but it was 51 AD CHORUS Macedonia prison in the time of Rome Was more like California when it all was done The warden said, "Hey buddy, could you please explain? Can you tell me what to do so I'll get saved? Let s talk!" CHORUS "If you just believe on the Lord Jesus Christ Warden, you can now repent and change your life Would you like forgiveness?" And he said, "Yes, yes! "You gotta stick around, I'm gonna get my kids! Let s talk!" CHORUS

100 Put You Down in My Will Parody of "Push" by Matchbox 20 Biblical Graffiti Track 14 Isaiah 59:15-17, 1 John 4:10, Romans 5:8, Hebrews 13:8) One of my favorite parts of the Bible is a messianic passage in Isaiah 59:15b-16, written over 700 years before Christ, which says: "The LORD looked and was displeased that there was no justice. He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene; so his own arm worked salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him." I love the fact that God didn't just send some angel or some perfect human or anybody else to save the world. He came and took care of things Himself. How many times have we heard parents utter this threat to their kids: "Don't make me come down there!" God knew He had to come down here, and He loved us so much that He was willing to do so. This was the last parody written for the "Biblical Graffiti" project. It was added to the song list at the very last minute. I remember breaking the news to Karl on August 15, 1999, right before a Sunday concert in Millvale PA. I wasn't a huge fan of the lyrics to the original Matchbox 20 song, but these new lyrics were a gift from God. It was as if the song was writing itself in spite of me. With the new lyrics, I loved the song. Lyrically, this is one of the band's favorite songs. Rob Thomas & Matt Serletic He said, "I know no-one has ever been good enough I'm a little disgusted, yet I'll think up a plan for saving them And they don't know that the devil plays really rough But if Man would trust me, I've still got somethin left to give And it's a little bitty baby Well, this ain't over -- no, not yet -- Not while I still need to go down You don't know Me -- but I'll save you -- Yeah, I'll bless you real good I wanna put your name down in my will, in my will I wanna give you a crown, and I will, and I will I wanna save your poor planet I wanna save you, poor planet. Yeah, yeah, and I will." I said, "I don't know why You ever would die for me When I'm a criminal suspect, and the things I do are gonna hurt Ya And I don't know why You didn't just stay up there You made a plan to redeem me when my faith wasn't even worth a dime 'cause I'm a little unworthy" "Well, don't ya understand it?" Said my King to me "'cause I've been waitin' all along for you It's in Romans 5 verse 8. First John 4:10 explains it all" CHORUS "Although you don't know Jehovah Just pray to Me and I'll come in your heart, it may sound crazy, maybe Just trust Me baby -- I'll rush to save ya, save ya" CHORUS

101 Crazy Little King God Loves Parody of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen Biblical Graffiti Track 15 1 Samuel 21:10-15, 27:1-28:3, 29:1-11 David had already been anointed king by the Prophet Samuel. There was just one problem. Saul, the last guy anointed king by Samuel, was still in power. And King Saul was out to make sure it stayed that way. He pursued David all over the place. Things got so bad that David tried to hide out with the enemy -- the Philistines of Gath. Yes, the very same Philistines whom he had defeated in famous battle with Goliath of Gath. The Philistines of Gath, led by King Achish, were suspicious, so David had to think fast. 1 Samuel 21:13 tells what David did next: "So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard." The ruse worked. "Achish said to his servants, "Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me? Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? Must this man come into my house?" (1 Samuel 21:14-15). That's why we call David the "crazy little king God loves." By the way, Achish was the crazy one. After all that, he later took David in (1 Samuel 27-29) and unwittingly did a lot of harm to his own people. Freddie Mercury This king God loves was blessed by Samuel yet This king God loves they just ain't crowned him yet He ain't ready -- David is the king God loves This king (this king) God loves (God loves) He hides (night and daily) from the Israelites He's king (woo woo) that's right (woo woo) And King Saul's gonna have a jealous fit tryin' to find him David is the king God loves There goes my David You know he's on the run from Saul He tried King Achish He said, "You're not supposed to be here!" And David got a cold, cold sweat He started to drool real fast and he put on an act Feigning madness, he tried To fake out all the guys in the Philistines That's why they said he's the crazy little king God loves LEAD He started to drool real fast and he put on an act "He's a madman!" they cried "Take him outside and call the men in white To come and get him!" (They'll regret it) The crazy little king God loves This king (this king) God loves (God loves) was blessed by Samuel yet This king (this king) God loves (God loves) they just ain't crowned him yet. He ain't ready -- but David is the king God loves The crazy little king God loves REPEAT

102 Dancing Dave Parody of "Dancing Days" by Led Zeppelin Biblical Graffiti Track 16 2 Samuel 6:12-23 We've all seen sitcoms that show husbands doing things that cause their wives great embarrassment. Well, it wasn't a sitcom, but David's first wife, Michal, was appalled at her husband's behavior in 2 Samuel 6: "As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart." (2 Samuel 6:16) When he came home, she really let him have it, exclaiming "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!" (2 Samuel 6:20b) But David would be vindicated in the long run. This song tells the story from Michal's perspective. Robert Plant & Jimmy Page Dancing Dave is here again And he somehow leaves me cold And from my tower, my love grows sour cause I'm his woman, you know? He's in the spotlight, I said it's not right To dance with all of your heart The Lord is holy -- not rock and rolly Least that's the way I was taught Davey where's your etiquette? Well, you're barely wearing your clothes If you use a circus tent You could even start up a show. You know it's not right, not very polite You know you're fallin' apart. You're bein' ornery but more importantly Get out of the way of the ark! I saw you jumpin' and gettin' down But I'm here to tell you I'll have no part. I'm not the kind of queen that dances around Like a bad girl in a bar. You know it's not right, it isn't godlike To dance with all of your heart You need my loyalty, might lose your royalty Unless you make a new start" Dancing Dave was innocent And as some of you may know His wife Michal was to wind up childless Because she wounded him so I said it's all right; he had some more wives But there's a point to this part So read the manual in Second Samuel In chapter six you should start!

103 Smart Blest Man Parody of "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top Biblical Graffiti Track 17 1 Kings 3:5-15, 4:20-34, 10:14-29 I remember my mom telling me this Bible story when I was a kid. The Lord appeared to the newly crowned King Solomon in a dream and said ""Ask for whatever you want me to give you." (1 Kings 3:5) Solomon could have asked for anything, but he asked the Lord for wisdom, and he hit the jackpot. God responded by saying: "I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for both riches and honor so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings." (1 Kings 3:12-13) In First Kings 2, my daddy told me what I gotta do Real soon, Dad died -- I gotta lead the Israelites I told God to make me wise as He can cause Israel needs to have a smart blest man Don't want diamond rings -- I need wisdom from the King of Kings God said: "Slick pick! Since you said that I'm gonna make you rich They'll come runnin' from the farthest of lands To hear the Lord's wisdom from a smart, blest man." Got gold, got class -- But I don't care because it all will pass Get faith, find love -- If you're smart, those are enough Then ask God to make you wise as He can And everyone will say that you're a smart, blest man This parody tells that story from Solomon's perspective, while adding a little humor and Texas boogie. Since we were already spoofing ZZ Top here, we added brief parodies of portions of some of their other well known songs: "Le Grange," "Tush," "Legs" and "Tube Snake Boogie" Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hall & Frank Beard

104 Revelation Man Parody of "Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers Biblical Graffiti Track 18 Revelation 13:18 He's the international man of mystery. Mystery Babylon, that is. Call him the Beast, the Antichrist, the Man of Lawlessness -- in this parody, we simply call him the Revelation Man, based on his most famous appearances, in the Book of Revelation. For more information, start reading in Revelation chapter 13. This song was our official soundcheck song for many years, mainly because it's so easy on the vocal cords. P.F. Sloan & Steve Barri There's a man who seems just like a savior With everyone he meets he gains their favor With every move he makes, another hand he shakes Odds are he won't give you peace tomorrow Revelation man, Revelation man He's givin' you a number and takin' away your faith It's there in Revelation that you find A pretty beast who has an evil mind He led the world astray; they'll give their souls away All that he will give is grief and sorrow CHORUS Bringin' all the world together one day Then claiming that he's God almighty next day Ah, but you fell for all his tricks by listening to 666 God's not who he is you'll see tomorrow

105 Armageddon Valley Someday Parody of "Pleasant Valley Sunday" by The Monkees Biblical Graffiti Track 19 Revelation 16:16, 17:13-14, 19:11-21, 20:7-10, Ezek. 38, 39 This parody is based on passages from Revelation 16-20, and it tells the story of the great battle of Armageddon. You know, for all the fuss people make about Armageddon and Antichrist, the battle doesn't last long and neither does the Beast. Once Jesus shows up, it's all over. Carole King & Gerry Goffin The global clock moves down to zero While the armies march along They surround Israel's weakened sides They're just about to throw their bombs In Armageddon Valley someday (someday) Christ returnin' in the air Rows of thousands that have called His name And no-one seems too scared Jesus displays His power today He's got His soldiers on platoon They met the Beast who can't believe He got defeated there so soon In Armageddon Valley someday (someday) Fiercest battle in the land Bible explains about a war like this But the simple don't understand The future comforts those Who know He won their souls They're lookin' forward to this scene Armageddon day It ain't so far away You need to change your loyalty

106 Droppin' on the Sun Parody of "Walkin' on the Sun" by Smash Mouth Biblical Graffiti Track 20 Luke 16:19-31, Rev. 14:11, 20:10-15, Matt. 5:22-30; 7:13-14,10:28, 13:48-50; 18:9, 23:33, 25:41; Mark 9:42-47; James 3:6, Jude 7,13; 2 Thess. 1:7-9; 2 Peter 3:7; Romans 2:5-12 Here's a song about Hell. Some people say that Jesus talked even more about Hell than He did about Heaven. Some others, like Jehovah's Witnesses, say that the Bible doesn't even teach that there is Hell. Who's right? Check out these Bible verses and you tell me: Luke 16:19-31, Rev. 14:11, 20:10-15, Matt. 5:22-30; 7:13-14,10:28, 13:48-50; 18:9, 23:33, 25:41; Mark 9:42-47; James 3:6, Jude 7,13; 2 Thess. 1:7-9; 2 Peter 3:7; Romans 2:5-12. Of course, you don t actually need the scriptures to find Hell. In fact, you might get there faster if you never read the Bible at all. Greg Camp, Paul DeLisle, Steve Harwell & Kevin Iannello It ain't no joke, no lie, the Bible clearly spoke To teach the world to fear the furnace underneath To teach the world about hellfire but there's liars Who say they know Christians are wrong, even bad people rest in peace It gets enough attacks. I know men doubt that it's fact It's not like any map shows exactly where it's at But just like gravity you cannot see it really exists And it does no good but they'll deny it just to stay in their sins So don't delay, act now! Your time is runnin' out! Find out while you're still alive -- The true way is Jesus Christ And if you follow the way, you'll have no sorrow but if the offer's done, you might as well be droppin' on the sun Two thousand years ago He spoke out and they wrote down All the best in the New Testament together in a book And He told how it was dark, surrounded by fire Where teeth will be gnashin', man, Christ said Hell happens And so He spelled it out, so to help out those who felt doubt Then He brought it back up when He talked against the self-proud And religious hypocrites threw hissy fits Because that's just what happens when they're faced with their sins So don't delay, act now! Your time is runnin' out! By now I'm sure you've surmised -- There's two places to arrive And if you follow the way you'll have no sorrow, but if The offer's shunned, you might as well be droppin' on the sun It ain't no joke that He's gonna take the sheep and goats And He'll steer them to the left and right, but, listen, folks: The ones that's goats get disposed of. God won't just burn their souls up They'll be livin' in eternal Godless hopeless darkness So don't risk that, get facts, you ought to take a look at Luke 16, Mark 9 and Jude -- There's one little chapt'r Look today at Matthew chapter 10, verse 28 You need to read in Revelation 20 what does it say? So don't delay, act now! Your time is runnin' out! Find now while you're still alive -- Matthew chapter 25 And if you follow the way -- you'll have no sorrow, but if You drop and punt, you might as well be droppin' on the sun

107 Bends to Low Places Parody of "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks Biblical Graffiti Track 21 Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13, Joel 2:32 On three separate occasions, the Bible says that "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'" The first is the Prophet Joel in Joel 2:32, and the other two are Peter and Paul quoting him in Acts 2:21 and Romans 10:13, respectively. In the movie "Grease," Johnny Casino and the Gamblers ask "How low can you go, how low can you go, how low can you go, how low?" No matter how low you go, if you're still breathing, God can still save you. My God bends to low places. As David says in Psalm 139:7-8, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." Dewayne Blackwell & Earl Bud Lee Blamed it all on my youth I screwed up and goofed and ruined my life, I declared My past was a joke and I'd gone so low God was the last one I thought would be there And I was sort of surprised at what appeared in the Bible When I took a glance at that page Cause Acts chapter 2:21 says Jesus rescues Whosoever calls on His name Cause my God bends down to low places And He's with me now and I feel safe 'cause My dues are paid and I'll be O.K And my God's big on total grace cause If we slip and fall He will go save us Oh my God bends to low places! I did stuff that's wrong I was messed up so long, but then God bent near the floor Ever since that night, I put faith in Christ And I know my hope is assured Hey, I didn't need a washing machine To give me a shower and rinse I will rely on His life-giving power To forgive my sins

108 Enter Samson Parody of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica Biblical Graffiti Track 22 Judges This is a song about a guy with big hair who was having a bad hair day. That made for a big, bad hair day. When I got the idea for this song in , it was just too good to be true. The title said it all, and the music had just the mood of menace necessary to tell Samson's story. It turned out to be "some kind of monster" hit for us. It's possibly our most-requested song in concert, certainly in the top five alltime. We did an earlier version on the original "Radical History Tour" cassette in 1994, but we deleted it when we released "Radical History Tour" on CD in We knew the revised version we were about to put on "Biblical Graffiti" would be much better. Weird Al's drummer, Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz played on that second version. He did it in two takes with no advance practice, aside from the fact that he once played in a polka medley with Al. Amazing. If Samson were around today, I think he'd probably be a Metallica fan. And just like them, he started out with long hair, got it shaved off, and then started growing it long again. Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich & James Hetfield See my hair, it's so long! How'd I get so strong? There's a clue in this song I've got you pinned! Always win! Rip you limb from limb When old Samson is done! See this one guy only whippin' your Philistines! Exercise isn't why! Shave my head! I'll be just another man! Something's wrong 'cause my might headed south tonight In the arms of Delilah She was a thorn in my side, she would nag and cry And I think she's a spy Sleepin' when I woke up, in came the Philistines Exit might! End of sight! Chained my hands! Took me to another land! SPOKEN: Now they made me blind and weak They cavort and hold a feast If I die a foreign slave Pray the Lord these poles to shake Watch little pagans! Don't fail me Lord! They made me blind I'm sure you've heard Make this a feast they won't forget Bring their bloodshed on their heads! Make things right! End their lives! Take a stand! Take this life! End it right! Take my hands! Crush them into desert sand! Boom!

109 Spoofernatural 2000 Two very influential albums came out just before 2000, both named Supernatural, one by DCTalk and the other by Santana. Since ApologetiX brings together Christian and mainstream music, it s only fitting that our CD tug some meaning from those unlikely twins. But Spoofernatural digs a little deeper. ApologetiX gets its name from apologetics, the reasonable, logical and scientific defense of Christianity as historical fact. Listening to Spoofernatural, you will learn about a God who uses the supernatural to get the attention of the world. There are a few themes running through the booklet that comes with Spoofernatural; maybe you caught them. One is the theme of the supernatural. The eerie aspects of life and the universe that we long to understand? the immense depth and complexity of the world around us that matter-of-factly points to an intelligent Creator. Another theme is that of the spectrum. God s handiwork, love and promises can be seen in the entire breadth of Creation, from beginning to end. That is represented by the spectrum. Remember the colors of the rainbow? Finally, the third theme is God s message to a lost world. People who are blind to God can somehow see Him as He reaches out to them, often through the love of others. He makes Himself visible to them in their way of seeing. There are people who can t or won t listen for His voice. It s as though they are deaf. But He can speak their language. There are people who are at a great distance from God. They believe that it can t be true that He even exists. He can cross those miles with a message from afar that says, If you look into it, you will find that Iam here. Music is a wonderful way to communicate, and Christian music has been a major factor in many people s walks with God. But there are some who may never listen to it. There are some whose only exposure to Him is by hearing His story told in their language? in this case, their favorite music. Share this music with them.

110 Play That Funny Music Parody of "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry Spoofernatural Track 1 1 Cor. 9:22, Romans 12:2, Titus 1:15 This song was our opener for much of the Fred Behanna era of ApologetiX. It was another attempt to have a theme song that introduced the band. Some people may dispute me saying "Once I WAS a kooky singer" as if I'm no longer a kooky singer, but the reason that line's in the past tense is because it was when I was "playing in a rock and roll band" (i.e. a secular band). The original song, "Play That Funky Music," was written about a singer's experience at a club in Pittsburgh, not too far from where I live. Robert Parissi Now once I was a kooky singer -- playin' in a rock and roll band I never had no problems Singing songs that weren't nice then But whenever Jesus found me God said not to sing them no more So I decided biblically To switch them round and check how it'd go And they were dancin' and diggin' the music we was usin' And just when it hit them the words were turned around They shouted Play that funny music right, boy Play that funny music right Play that funny music right, boy They got confused Cause I played them Sunday music in disguise In disguise? In disguise! LEAD Now first it wasn't easy Changin' rock and rollin' lines I sing but when He saved me I thought I'd have to leave it behind But now it's so much better I'm pointing out the heavenly way I get accused of stealin' But now I turn to Wesley and say Man they were dancin' and diggin' the music we was usin' And just when it hit them the words were turned around They shouted Play that funny music right, boy Play that funny music right Play that funny music right, boy They're not amused And they say that what we're doin' isn't right But is it right? Is it right?

111 Fishin' On A Pier Parody of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi Spoofernatural Track 2 Matthew 4:19, Mark 1:17, 1 Cor. 7:17-20 This is a song about blooming where you're planted. God gives us all gifts in life, and those gifts often seem to get enhanced once we get saved. Jesus calls us to be fishers of men, and in ApologetiX we use parodies, rock and roll, and humor as bait. God trained us in those fields long before we became born-again Christians. I got the idea for this song while I was dating my wife, on a solo car ride I took from her house in Mayfield KY to a concert in Green Bay WI. Once I got the line about fish filets, I knew I had to finish it. Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora & Desmond Child (Once upon a time God so loved the world... ) Johnny used to work on the docks Fishin's been his life since John was a pup It's tough to stop He would work with Simon and James Workin' for his dad he made fish fillets For lunch mmm for lunch He says We gotta hold on to what we're taught Because we may be Christians doesn't mean we forgot We got deep water and nets and rods So now We're fishin' for God Oh... the pathway's clear Oh... fishin' on a pier Hey, my man, the lake is right here Oh... fishin' on a pier Karl has got a six-string that rocks Now Keith's on the bass And the dude who plays the drums is tough Mmm... Fred's tough Jesus gave us somethin to say Cause Christ's in our lives... now we're fishers Parody's our bait... some say We gotta hold on to what we're taught He called us as musicians and we're praisin' our God We got deep water And lots of rock and roll We're fishin' for God Oh... the pathway's clear Oh... fishin' on a pier They're my band, the lake is right here Oh... fishin' on a pier Fishin' on a pier LEAD We gotta hold on steady your rod We fish for the guys that are called out by God

112 Pray Now (Lost Art) Parody of "All Star" by Smash Mouth Spoofernatural Track 3 Luke 11:9, Luke 18: 1-8, James 4:1-3, Matt. 6:33, Matt. 7:7, Luke 17:5,Matt. 17:20 This is a song about being persistent in prayer. Jim Morrison of the Doors once said (or, rather, shouted) "You cannot petition the Lord with prayer!" Nonsense. In Luke 18:1, it says "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." The Apostle John also says, "And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." (1 John 5:15) I got the idea for this song in the summer of 1999 during one of the most difficult times in my life. Prayer was very hard at the time, but it proved very productive. We had just spoofed Smash Mouth on our previous CD, so I wasn't keen to tackle them again so soon after. But I sang the other band members some of the first verse and the chorus that I had, and they insisted that I finish it. Greg Camp Somebody once told me "The Lord is not your roadie "You ain't the star so do it yourself." I said, "Look, it's kind of dumb If if there's things that I need done It's a shame not to call on the Lord's help." Well, my prayers start comin' and they don't stop comin' I read through the rules and I think I found somethin' Didn't make sense not to get more done I pray real hard cause the Heavenly Son Showed what to do, said knock and seek So what's wrong with praying and asking You better go look in Luke, bro 11:9 if you don't know Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway Pray now get a jump start get a move on get faith God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though There's a cool case so you're prayin' gets bolder You look it up Luke 18 yeah, let's go there When the meanest of men met the widow Judge he was, you know if you have the right scripture But I see his patience is gettin' pretty thin The woman gets annoyin' so he might as well give in The world's like that how about the Lord God already likes ya and you'll never get ignored Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway Pray now fourth chapter let me show ya in James God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though Somebody once asked Jesus give us the capacity To get ourselves a faith that is great He said, "Well, why ya want help? "You could move a little hill yourself "If you would all use a little faith." Well, my prayers start comin' and they don't stop comin' I read through the rules and I think I found somethin' Didn't make sense not to get more done Pray it smart cause the Heavenly Son Showed what to do, said knock and seek So what's wrong with praying and asking You'll never know if you don't go You better try if you don't know Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway Pray now get a jump start get a move on get faith God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though

113 Elijah Parody of "Elvira" by Oak Ridge Boys Spoofernatural Track 4 2 Kings 1 The narrator in this song is a captain of 50 soldiers sent by wicked King Ahaziah of Israel to apprehend the prophet Elijah in 1 Kings chapter 1. Unfortunately, this guy knows he is the third captain of 50 soldiers to be sent on such a mission. The first two captains (and their troops) were each incinerated when fire fell from Heaven. This guy knows what's good for him and begs for his life. I got the idea for this song during sometime in the mid-1990's during a particularly productive time. Dallas Frazier El-ijah! El-ijah! Don't start no fires, El-ijah! Elijah looked toward Heaven It got very bright The fire fell sure enough takin' 50 guys lives I've got a funny feelin' I'm about to die Cause I know Elijah's tried that twice So I'm saying El-ijah! El-ijah! Don't start no fires, El-ijah! He's the one Uh who brought, uh who brought the fire down He's the one Uh who brought, uh who brought the fire down Drive those soldiers away So now I'm gonna meet him and I wonder what I will say I've gotta follow all the king's commands so here's my plan I'm gonna shout and holler "Elijah, save us from senseless slaughter! "Please won't you go with us; I'm a peaceful man!" And I'll be saying El-ijah! El-ijah! Don't start no fires, El-ijah! (I'm) givin' up! Cause you brought, uh-you brought the fire down (I'm) givin' up! Cause you brought, uh-you brought the fire down Blew those soldiers away

114 Sin Can Be Resistible Parody of "Simply Irrestible" by Robert Palmer Spoofernatural Track 5 1 Corinthians 10:13, James 4:7, Heb. 4:15, Matt. 4:1-11, Eph. 6:12-18, 2 Cor. 10:4 One of the most revolutionary Bible verses anybody ever showed me as a young Christian was I Cor. 10:13: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." It really helps to know that others struggle with the same temptations we do, and that God will never set us up to fail. He will always get us through the temptation if we allow Him to do so. But will we turn to Him in our time of temptation? That's the question. I got the idea for this song while driving from Pittsburgh to visit my future wife in Kentucky. I was listening to an '80's CD and looking for another song when "Simply Irresistible" by Robert Palmer came, and inspiration hit. I think I was somewhere near Cincinnati at the time. Robert Palmer We cannot be invincible but God provides the principle For Baptist or Episcopal that any sin's resistible Sin's pervasive can't ignore it it's a powerful force But He'll provide a way out when there's no other door And you can stay put or leave but now I've found that Sin can be resistible Our lusts can be so powerful that sin seems unavoidable But James says if we resist the devil, He'll run away so miserable It's a natural law that no temptation befalls ya 'Cept the kind that is common to the rest of us all It used to look good to me but now I find that Sin can be resistible Please hold tight there's no tellin' when he'll run away Jesus Christ tells the devil where to go Sin's unavoidable but that don't mean we'll fall Read First Corinthians verse 10:13 because God made a promise, baby, Satan ain't allowed To tempt us more than we can bear I've found that Sin can be resistible... LEAD Our weapons aren't shootable but truth is irrefutable Our struggle isn't physical so fight him with the biblical Jesus faced him in the desert he's a powerful tempter Even Christ could have fallen but you know He knew better He used the Good Book you see that's how we find out Sin can be resistible...

115 Trooth Parody of "Smooth" by Santana Featuring Rob Thomas Spoofernatural Track 6 2 Corinthians 13:8 If people can't TELL the truth, how can they be expected to SPELL it? People say "You have your truth, and I have mine. Whatever works for you is good." Try telling that to a teacher in school. In school, in society, in life, the person with the authority decides what "the truth" is. But when life is over, we'll see what the truth really was (and still is), and who the Person with the authority was (and still is). I remember working on this song in a Pizza Hut in Greensburg. I don't usually go to Pizza Hut by myself, but I wanted a quick sit-down meal. Itaal Shur & Rob Thomas Well, it's a hot one The separation of re-lig-i-on I feel the wisdom in God's word could help everyone In your state-owned school My homeroom teacher My famished heart is more than eager But my reason for readin' Is gettin' the truth And if you said this Bible ain't good enough For the real-life world so give it up I could change my mind to better suit your rules But it's still true Well, it's just like the notion that one and one is two It's the same as any question on a test from you You've got to find solutions that can be absolute So live in the dark ages still... or else go get a Bible I'll tell you one thing If you don't read it it's a cryin' shame Can't live by bread but every word I hear that came Out of His mouth I love the Bible so It's like arithmetic and reading though I feel the learning of the world goes awful slow shutting it out And if you said this Bible ain't good enough For the real-life world so give it up I could change my mind to better suit your rules But it's still true Well, it's just like the notion that one and one is two It's the same as any question on a test from you You've got to find ya something that can be called truth So live in the dark ages still... or else go get a Bible (Let's all go get a Bible)

116 La Bible Parody of "La Bamba" by Ritchie Valens and Los Lobos Spoofernatural Track 7 Genesis-Revelation The books of the Bible sung in order -- what a concept. This wasn't my first attempt at such a thing. "Mediterranean Wholebook News" was written eight years earlier, and two of the very first Christian parodies I ever wrote were the books of the Old Testament sung to "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones, and the books of the New Testament sung to "Kodachrome" by Paul Simon. I didn't have any intention of spoofing this song, but it came on while I was listening to an '80's compilation, and the words just poured out. I remember working on it at a gas station in Kentucky on the way to see my fiancee'. Some people act like the Bible is written in a foreign language (of course the original manuscripts were, but I mean the one they have in their house), and it does have all of those strangely named books that sound like foreign words when you sing them. So it was a natural to put that concept with this song. Ritchie Valens Follow along in the Bible Follow along in the Bible You'll never read any book that is better Genesis, Exodus and Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy Joshua, Judges and Ruth Then 1 & 2 Samuel and Kings and Chronicles Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther And then Job, Psalms and Proverbs Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon, Song of Solomon Then Isaiah Jeremiah Lamentations uh huh Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea Joel, Amos and Obadiah And Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk and Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah and After these there's Malachi LEAD Matthew, Mark, Luke and John-a Acts of the Apostles and Romans 1,2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians Philippians, Colossians, 1,2 Thessalonians and 1,2 Timothy Titus, Philemon, Hebrews, James, 1,2 Peter 1,2,3 John Jude, Rev'lation That s the Bible I like Bible Try my Bible Bye Bye Bible

117 I Want in That Place Parody of "I Want it That Way" by The Backstreet Boys Spoofernatural Track 8 Revelation 3:20, Romans 3:10, 3:23, 10:9 This song discusses the concept that while we're knocking and seeking God (Matthew 7:7, Luke 11:9), Jesus is knocking and seeking us (Revelation 3:20). We look at Heaven and say, "I want in that place," and He looks at our heart and says, "I want in THAT place." I got the idea for this song while driving through Tennessee to Gospel Music Assocation (GMA) Week in Nashville. Max Martin & Andreas Carlsson You are much higher I want inside there Beneath heav'n I pray I want in that place But we are two worlds apart You speak to my heart Then You say, "I want in that place" Tell me why (You) came knockin' on my heart today Tell me why I'm nothin' but a disgrace Tell me why Why You'd ever come to me and say I want in that place Can I soar higher? I want inside there Yes I know it's two-way But I want in that place Help me Christ I'm nothin' but I'm sorry Help me Christ I'm knockin' but I need grace Help me Christ I'm never gonna get it straight But I want in that place Now I can see that we've fallen so short From the way we're supposed to be (Yeah) No man in existence is righteous enough I need You inside of me You are Messiah You want inside of My heart C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! (C'mon I need you) (You) came knockin' on my heart today Tell me why I'm nothin' but a disgrace Tell me why in Revelation 3 You say I want in that place Help me Christ I'm nothin' but I'm sorry Help me Christ I'm knockin' but I need grace Help me Christ I hear Heaven's gonna be great I want in that place REPEAT LAST CHORUS And I want in that place

118 Crowd of Foreign Girls Parody of "California Girls" by The Beach Boys Spoofernatural Track 9 1 Kings 11, Numbers 25:1-3, Nehemiah 13:26-27 Solomon, the "smart, blessed man" who began so brilliantly in 1 Kings chapter 1 "jumped the shark" 10 chapters later. Why? "And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart." (1 Kings 11:3). I thought it would be need to contrast the Beach Boys' tribute to the women of their nation with Solomon's lament about the women of other nations. This was another lawn-mowing song. I've gotten some great inspiration there over the years. In case you don t know, the lands of Tyre and Sidon go hand in hand (like Sodom and Gomorrah), hence Solomon's pun about how Sidon girls "Tyred" him out. The Moab girls, you may remember, were used by Balaam and the king of the Moabites in Numbers 25:1-3 to seduce the Israelite males and get them to indulge in idolatry, so that s why the song mentions them making "their boyfriends Moabites." The line about the girls "altering" Solomon is a pun also, because those pagan wives led him to build altars for their pagan gods, and this definitely altered his standing with God and his whole life. Solomon also was a ship builder who sent many ships out to sea (1 Kings 9:26-28, 10:22), leading to the pun about getting lost at sea. Class dismissed. Brian Wilson & Mike Love Well, Egypt girls are hip, I really dig my wife from there And the Sidon girls with their pagan gods They Tyred me out and I got snared The Middle East foreign leaders gave me pagan female wives And the Moab girls with the way they kiss They make their boyfriends Moabites I kissed an awful big crowd of foreign girls I guess they altered me kinda sorta My wisdom faltered because of foreign girls I guess I had a fun time as the world's most richest man I think I had at least a thousand wives counting concubines From all these different lands I ran around with pagan girls And I gave 'em all diamonds n' pearls Yeah, but I should've stayed with girls who had the same faith That's with the Jewish girls in the world I'd list them all and recount 'em for ya I just don't want to be proud and bore ya It's just an awful big crowd of foreign girls So listen close to me I'll inform ya (Girls, girls, girls yeah I said) My ship got lost at sea kinda sorta (Girls, girls, girls yeah I said) I switched philosophies now I'll warn ya (Girls, girls, girls yeah I said) They just ain't worth the grief I implore ya (Girls, girls, girls yeah I said)

119 Choirboy Parody of "Cowboy" by Kid Rock Spoofernatural Track 10 Matt. 21:42, Mark 12:10, Luke 20:17, Psalm 118, Isaiah 28:16 This is a true story glitzed up with colorful phrasing. I really was a choirboy, and it started around fourth grade when my friend Bob Mignon convinced me to try out for the choir. He was so cool he even had a real working Star Trek phaser at home. At least that's what he told me. Funny thing is he didn't stick around in choir long, and I stayed with the choir for quite a few years. Even through college, people in my life saw me as the choirboy type, but inside, I knew what my heart was really like. God did, too, but He still saved me. I originally considered calling this song "Ploughboy" and writing it about the prophet Elisha. Years later, I found out that Cledus T. Judd went in that direction for his parody. I got the idea for "Choirboy" while sitting at a Burger King in Zelienople PA. I couldn't wait to tell my wife about it. I got a speeding ticket (and an earful from an angry Illinois state trooper) while working on this parody and driving the band van and trailer through Illinois on the way to a concert in South Dakota. I learned two things: 1. Illinois has a 55- speed limit if you're hauling a trailer. 2. Don't work on songs while driving a 15- passenger van and trailer; it makes you weave too much. R.J. Ritchie, M. Shafer, J. Trombly & J. Travis Well I m uh back in the fourth grade and I m uh 10 I guess When weird women thought we kids all lived to take tests Kinda kept to myself real shy kid I liked old rock songs and the pop'lar hits There was a kid talkin' 'bout a choir they got Said a lot of the spots were not locked because The guy who taught with the choir was still fillin' the rows And lots of kids couldn't sound the notes And he told me it's fun to sing with the choir Get known as a kid that God set apart Said to me you wanna? I'm gonna go Try out for the choir fella you should come along Start attendin' church service in robes just like Jesus And get a spot in the Four Tops or Four Seasons That rocks! Cause I'm a real good voice And I'm takin' that test, sucka, because I'm gonna be a choirboy baby With a top 10 smash and the nuns all smiling (Choirboy baby) Guess who s chillin with the boys choir (I m gonna be a choirboy baby) Shinin my light while the people pray (Choirboy baby) A cappella singer from a higher plane I let him hear my little vocals and he said, "You re in" I go "Ah ah ah ah ah" I dusted my friend Told him "You won t do there s no gown in your size" Well that s his loss my gown it fits fine They told me "Believe in Jesus Christ" I'll get Him after this part of my exciting life Cause if I time this right I'm gonna make like a Beach Boy And let California girls know why they all need a choirboy baby Better stop that act everyone s not buyin (Choirboy baby) Just like Dylan with a good voice (I m gonna be a choirboy baby) Hidin my life while I seem O.K. (Choirboy baby) I can tell a fib with a smiley face Yeah it rocked you can call me "blessed" Only something s missin and I gotta confess Seems the sin that s in my head is growin wild and fast And it d get this kid kicked right out of Mass No kidding I m sittin in church gettin real bored Call the cops cause I m lost Where s the cross and the Lord? Felt remorse and embarrassed and I tried to get right Felt like hangin down my head and hangin up my life (Huh!) Got famous rocked the eleventh grade cause Director picked me for my senior play yes Got to wear make-up rock band came up They told me sing lead but then the band breaks up Pride had got a grip on me Robbed me of the sort of faith I d need I didn t know Jesus I just would beg Him for favors Finally straight out of college I made Him my Savior Now life s a pleasure this guy s legit I d always heard that Christians were radical idiots I make it my biz to dispel that notion And keep on trustin Him with all my devotion (Choirboy) with a rock band that s into song rewritin (Choirboy) spend all my time at finding words that rhyme (Choirboy) ridin at night cause the gigs I play (Choirboy) might be held at 800 miles away (Choirboy) with ApologetiX backin the songs I m rhymin (Choirboy) with a top 10 smash and the Son s inside me.

120 Every Crown Has Its Thorns Parody of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison Spoofernatural Track 11 Matthew 10:38,16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23, 14:27, James 1:2-4, Hebrews 4:15, 5:7-10, 12:2, 1 Peter 2:19, 4:12-13, Romans 5:3, 8:18 This is a song about suffering... yay! Seriously, though, James 1:2,3 says the following: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." The Bible has many such encouraging verses for people who are facing trials and suffering. It's interesting to note that the main people who are quoted in these verses (Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, the Apostle Peter and the Apostle James) went through some of the most intense suffering and trials any man has ever known. One of the most amazing verses regarding this is Hebrews 5:8, where it says this of Jesus: "Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered." Whoa. Would have thought that Jesus would have to learn anything, let alone obedience? Well, if it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me. Jesus has a crown of glory now, but He had a crown of thorns on Calvary. In 1 Peter 5:4, Peter says that someday, we'll have a crown of glory, too, so let's not complain if our earthly crown has a few thorns in it. We first recorded this parody (same song and theme, different title and lyrics) back in late 1992 as the opening track on our "Want It: Dead or Alive" homemade cassette. It was called "Every Road Has Its Cross" back then, though. Bobby Dall, C.C. DeVille, Bret Michaels & Rikki Rockett We're both like Simon we still live in a state of denial Although we'd both like to go to Heaven We feel surprised about the trial But the suff'ring Christ did accomplished somethin' And the worst all turned out right Go and find out in Hebrews chapter 5 Verses 7 through 9 You see Every crown has its thorns Just like every life has its cross Just like every choirboy sings some sad, sad songs Every crown has its thorns... it does A Christian needs to take his cross Take it up and hit the road Yeah, 'cause Jesus said lots of times that we should do it and He should know But I wonder as He walked If He ever felt like quittin' Yet I know we wouldn't be here right now if Christ Took a different road than Calvary CHORUS Though I'm in a trial now Christ can still feel all my pain Like the nails that cut through and bruised Him Cause the scars Christ's scars remain LEAD I know He could have saved His life that night if Christ Chose to run away Instead of takin' off He chose To take the narrow way And now I'm Heaven bound and born anew And man I never had that much to lose I'm here to bear my cross in life And to see Him on the other side because CHORUS

121 Livin What Jesus Spoke of Parody of "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin Spoofernatural Track 12 John 3:3, Revelation 3:20 So you think "the wild life" is wild? Try living for Christ. I think my two favorite lines in this song are "Christ's real -- He ain't religion" and "He'll make you take your cross up and go stand against the grain." I got the idea for this parody while driving by myself from Maryland back to Pennsylvania. I really like the way the final track turned out. People have asked what I'm saying at the beginning of the song. I believe it's, "Did you ever wonder if Adam and Eve were In A Gadda Da Vida Loca?" Ricky Martin and Iron Butterfly... a match made in Heaven. R. Rosa & Desmond Child He's been through crucifixion That cat's been through it all Christ's real; He ain't religion God s Word s gonna save your soul He's into new creation Proved it when He came alive He's God are you a Christian? Forget those pagan lies He'll make you take your cross up And go stand against the grain He'll make you leave this crazy life But He'll take away your shame If you're truly born again - C'mon Let Christ in right now Livin' what Jesus spoke of Don t pussyfoot around Livin' what Jesus spoke of You'll live forever then And your sins He will dispose of He will bail you out Livin' what Jesus spoke of (3x) Wake up, you know you re sinnin' And it's fun till it leads to hell He took your part and He took your punishment He wants to save me and you as well Your newer nature's goin' to make your older friends complain But once you have a faith in Him you'll never be the same Cause I think you re gonna change C'mon CHORUS He'll make you take your cross up And go stand against the grain He'll make you leave this crazy life But He'll take away your shame Bite the bullet and get saved - C'mon CHORUS

122 I Love Apostle Paul Parody of "I Love Rock and Roll" by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts Spoofernatural Track 13 Acts 9, 2 Timothy The verses of this song describe an anonymous prisoner's encounter with Paul. The choruses are lines that anybody could sing. This parody's been a fan favorite ever since we introduced it in I really do love the Apostle Paul. You learn so much about the guy from reading the book of Acts and then seeing his heart poured out to the churches and his friends in his epistles. My daughter Heather loves him, too. Once she turned four, she developed a fascination for him and was always asking me to tell stories about him. I got the idea for this song while driving to the Pittsburgh airport to pick up my fiancee. I always thought we could do this song better than we did on "Spoofernatural," which is one of the reasons we recorded a live version on "New & Used Hits" four years later. When we recorded the original, I'd forgotten to sing my last-minute revision to the opening line, but I sing it correctly in the live version. Consequently, on "Spoofernatural" I sing, "I saw him standing there writing letters to me," whereas on "New & Used Hits," I sing, "I saw him standing there writing letters in chains." J. Hooker & A. Merrill I saw him standin' there writin' letters in chains I knew he once had been a proud Pharisee His faith was kind of strong In God's favorite Son And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me Singin' I love Apostle Paul He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby I love Apostle Paul From Romans into Philemon yes indeed He smiled, so I got up and asked "Were you framed?" "Well, that don't matter," he said, "'cause I'm not ashamed" "For Jesus to take me home I need to be in Rome" When execution comes you'll see I'll be free, yeah free When execution comes you see, I'll be free indeed CHORUS His letters won't take you long You need to read them all So let's get movin' on and read 'em with me, yeah me And we'll review them all and see what became of Paul (In Second) Timothy CHORUS

123 Jonah Jonah Parody of "Mony, Mony" by Tommy James & the Shondells Spoofernatural Track 14 Jonah 1-3 Your typical "boy meets whale" story. This was one of the first parodies I ever wrote, and we recorded a version of it on our very first homemade cassette in June 1992, a live recording called "Get Your Wigs." I souped up the lyrics later, though. My daughters have asked me if there was a sequel to the book of Jonah. Unfortunately, you'll find that in the book of Nahum. Ninevah's repentance only lasted for so long. Bobby Bloom, Ritchie Cordell, Bo Gentry & Tommy James Fishy come 'round and ate ya Jonah, Jonah Cause you was bound out of town far from home yeah Had you in his stomach for three long nights now Because-a God said go to Ninevah But you didn't, huh? I said yeah! (Yeah!) Yeah! (Yeah!) Yeah! (Yeah!) Yeah! (Yeah!) You makin' things (Jonah, Jonah) So hard Yeah! (Yeah!) Yeah! (Yeah!) Yeah! (Yeah!) Prayed please save me Jonah, Jonah God's gonna get it done hold on Jonah Whale's not lookin' like he feels so good, yeah Well, don't look now but he's gonna vomit So hold on Jonah Bleah! (Bleah!) Bleah! (Bleah!) Bleah! (Bleah!) He made the whale Throw up Hey! Throw up Ooh you was too boney, bo-bo-boney Ooh that's what he told me, tol-tol-told me Tasted like spumoni, mo-mo-moni Mixed with macaroni, ro-ro-roni Bleah! (Bleah!) Bleah! (Bleah!) Bleah! (Bleah!)

124 Learn Some Deuteronomy Parody of "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard Spoofernatural Track 15 Romans 7:1-4, Galatians 3:19-25, James 2:10, Deuteronomy 27:26, Habakkuk 2:4, Leviticus 18:5 Everybody knows there were 10 Commandments given on Mount Sinai. But there are a total of 613 laws in the Old Testament, as catalogued in the Jewish Talmud. Many of them are found in the book of Deuteronomy. The Law is a wonderful thing, but that's not how we get into Heaven. Galatians 3:10 says, "All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything that is written in the Book of the Law.'" In fact, Galatians 2:16 also says "that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ." Like "I Love Apostle Paul," I thought we could do this song much better than we did on "Spoofernatural," so I suggested we rerecord it live on "New & Used Hits." Mutt Lange had all kinds of time in the studio to layer voices for the chorus. We settled for a lively crowd in New Hampshire. Steve Clark, Phil Collen, Joe Elliot, Robert John (Get with Christ... walk in faith) (You and me need... His grace!) Livin' by the law, babe, you're gonna get it wrong Livin' by the law will make you dead and gone Look at God's commands in Leviticus and Then in Deuteronomy you'll see it man Actually you'll have to read in chapter three tonight Of Galatians verses 19 through 25 Small crimes, any crime puts you in deep Christ is the Savior, sayin' look at Me (Yeah! Yeah! C'mon!) Take your Bible Shake it off Everybody breaks the law Learn some Deuteronomy can you name those laws Learn from Deuteronomy c'mon try because Learn your Deuteronomy you ain't good enough God's Law is tricky to keep born again you must be, yeah (Listen!) Read* the Bible, yeah we're liable, Jesus died though Grace is livin' Romans 7:1 and 4 There have been 613 written Bible laws We ain't exaggeratin' the Jews said so (the Jews said so) You gotta read Leviticus 18 and read a little more Deuteron'my 27, Habakkuk 2:4 Small crimes, any crime puts you in deep Read it in James 2:10 I'm sure you'll see (Yeah! Yeah! Read a little more!) CHORUS You come to Jesus Christ s got the key Jesus says come to me Cause God's law (law) is so hard it's tricky to keep Born again (yeah) amen you must be (Cause you're just a sinner) (Want some more proof?) CHORUS (NOTE: 613 laws from the Old Testament are catalogued in the Jewish Talmud) *Pronounced as the past tense of "read" (i.e. "red") All other occurrences of the word in the song are present tense.

125 Last Night Parody of "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam Spoofernatural Track 16 Matthew 26:33-56, Luke 22:39-62 This is Peter's first-hand account of what happened between the Garden of Gethsemane and Mount Calvary. It takes place the day after Christ died and the day before He rose. It was the first full day Peter had spent as an Apostle without Jesus being alive, and he had no idea that His Lord would rise the next day. Has there ever been a sadder day than that Saturday? I think I got the idea for this song during the same car ride between Maryland and Pennsylvania when I got the hook for "Living What Jesus Spoke of." Wayne Cochran Oh where oh where can my Savior be The Lord they took Him away from me They've gone ahead and nailed Him onto the wood So I can't see my Savior when I need Him most He was down on His knees in an olive gard'n He had been prayin' very hard There in the grove strangers came A crowd with swords they mentioned His name I couldn't stop 'em though I certainly tried I went for the head of some bad guy But Jesus Christ He touched him fast Replaced the ear that I had slashed Oh where oh where can my Savior be The Lord, they took Him away from me They ve gone and nailed the Son of God to the wood So I can t see my Savior when I need Him most When I showed up they had the Lord on trial There were people standin' all around Some men corn'red me so then I denied But somehow Christ found my face with His eyes At dinner last night He'd looked at me and said "You'll deny me in just a little while." I felt so cold to kiss Him off like this I failed the Lord and I knew that I did But now He's gone even though I hope and cry I cost my Lord His life last night Oh where oh where can my Savior be The Lord, they took Him away from me He s gone to Heaven and it s not looking good Cause I can t see my Savior when I need Him most

126 Once Livin Twice Died Parody of "Once Bitten Twice Shy" by Great White Spoofernatural Track 17 John 3:3, Romans 7, Luke 16:19-31 I saw a bumper sticker once that read "Born twice, die once. Born once, die twice." I thought that was really cool, and that's what inspired this song. Most people have heard about about being born twice. As the Bible says in John 3:3, "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.'" What about dying twice, though? Revelation 20:14-15 says, "And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire." I got the idea for this one on the same night I got the idea for "Sin Can Be Resistible," and I wasn't planning on doing anything with either of those songs beforehand. By the time I got to my hotel room in La Grange KY that night, I couldn't wait to write down everything. Ian Hunter Well it's time to get a start that s new, little girl You've been huntin' and you're stumblin' all over God's Word You can't remember where you got so much sin And you don't know just how we're born again You didn't know what a rotten soul was Until you read in John where chapter three told us Christ was there with Nick at nite Be born again, He said, or else you'll stay died... yeah Now it's the middle of your life and you're growin' old You see there's God's word in a hotel drawer You look inside the Book is kinda neat The written word ya read sure knocks you off your feet You didn't know how a rotten soul cooked Until you caught the rich man in the gospel of Luke That hit home and your heart got hot You said, "It looks like it's time I was gettin' right with God" I said, my, my, my you're once livin' twice died, babe My, my, my I'm once dead and twice alive, babe My my my you're once livin' twice died, babe Woman you're a mess gonna die in your sins There's blood of the Lamb if you let Christ in Can't keep Him out confess with your mouth You best read Romans 10 cause that's where it's found You didn t know that a rotten soul burned Now you've got the manual and you'll live if you learn You've got the picture you've got to speak Come to Him and pray and make it short and sweet CHORUS You didn't know they let rotten souls in Heaven Until you saw the scripture there in Romans chapter 7 You told me, "I want to know the Son" And look at you now your darkness is gone CHORUS

127 Rock This Tower Parody of "Rock This Town" by The Stray Cats Spoofernatural Track 18 Genesis 11:1-9 Although some of the parodies on "Spoofernatural" were written years earlier, this was the first song specifically written for the "Spoofernatural" project, in January It's about the Tower of Babel, of course. We played the original Stray Cats version in a band I was in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year in college. In my short-lived career as an aspiring bass player, I learned about three notable bass lines -- this one and the one in "White Wedding" by Billy Idol, and the one in "Talking in Your Sleep" by the Romantics. Brian Setzer Well, in Babel* the people went out And they were scattered real wide They had a tower piled high, but they knew it wasn't right Well, they built it up and then God in Heaven saw it too It happened long ago but I got the story for you In chapter 11 you can look in Genesis if you please BREAK Well, they built a little place that really didn't look half bad They hadn't finished up the top When changes on the tower forced them to stop Well, they put a lot of work into their plan But all their languages was mixed up, man Cause God went to Babel Let's find out what He had to say We gotta rock this tower Cause man is quite proud We gotta rock this tower Make them leave it now Well, this is not of God it's got to stop They're gonna talk different 'cause we're gonna go mix 'em up We're gonna rock this tower Stop this thing right now LEAD Well, they babbled a while Just a talkin' like they did before Well then they realized that they couldn't understand anymore Well, they looked pretty funny They looked a real sight They couldn't stay together if they couldn't speak alike They had to stop that tower Find a different place to start CHORUS *NOTE: Babel can be pronounced "Bab-bull" or "Bay-bull." In this song, it should be pronounced "Bay-bull" so it sounds like "baby."

128 Genny 22 Parody of " /Jenny" by Tommy Tutone Spoofernatural Track 19 Genesis 22 This is the story of Abraham and Isaac from Genesis 22. Verse 2 sets the scene: "Then God said, 'Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.'" This song picks it up from there. "Genny 22" and "Meshach" were both rescued from the garbage heap by my wife, Lisa, and Keith's wife, Krista. I had the choruses and the first several lines written for both songs, and I shared them with the band while Lisa and Krista were there. I had hit a brick wall in both songs and was ready to trash them, but the ladies wouldn't let me. A. Call & J. Keller Genesis twenty-two's where I turn to To get the story of Isaac no one knew I know you think Ike's life was prob'ly a bore Because his famous father loved the Lord When he was lots more younger Isaac was saved in time When the Lord told His father Abraham sacrifice Me your child Take sticks sacrifice Me your child Abraham sacrifice Me your child Isaac sacrificed, me oh my Daddy, daddy that's a grill for meat And you won't tell me why today we don't have sheep I tried to tell you before but I lost my nerve I tried to find another way son but I trust His Word Daddy, I'm on the lumber why did you take your knife There is an angel up there Abraham, I'm satisfied, free your child Your faith has satisfied me all right Abraham, I'm satisfied, free your child Your faith has satisfied me all right Hey, Daddy! Hey, Daddy! We've got a lamb there after all Hey, Daddy! Hey, Daddy! When you get time let s have a good long talk! LEAD When your begotten son s there How can you take his life? Yet we know God the Father Made this sacrifice with Jesus Christ Genny 22 s where I turn to God saved Isaac in time and we all must learn the truth (To make it to Heaven find Jesus Christ) Find Jesus Christ! Find Jesus Christ!

129 Keep the Change 2001 Obviously, Keep the Change isn t a phrase we coined ourselves, although looking at the CD cover, you could say we coined ourselves on Keep the Change. In general, Keep the Change is an expression people use about something that isn t worth much. On this CD, however, Keep the Change connotes something that s priceless, not worthless the change that Christ makes in a person s life. It s both an exhortation and a guarantee. The exhortation is exemplified by 2 Timothy 1:13-14 What you have heard from me, keep as the sound pattern of teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. We are to keep the change that Christ made in us, as it says in Romans 12:1: Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. But the guarantee is that while we are doing our part, One who is far greater than us is doing His part to keep the change in us, as it says in 1 Corinthians 1:8 He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, in ApologetiX, we change lyrics just as Christ changes lives. And we think both changes are worth keeping. Therefore, it shouldn t be surprising that there are a plenty of lyrics on this CD about how Christ changes lives. And what a change Christ makes. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17) That s a quantum leap that blows away anything the evolutionists propose. The only difference is there s no real evidence for evolution, but there s plenty of evidence for both creation and the new creation. But we ll give you our two cents worth about that on this CD. And what is two cents worth, anyway? Christ says in Luke 12:6: Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Two copper coins. That s not worth much in our society, is it? But Jesus said that a widow who gave her two copper coins into the offering box had contributed more than everybody else. You may not feel like you re worth more than odd change to anybody, but you re priceless to God. Jesus once took a coin and told the people to render unto Caesar what was Caesar s and to render unto God what was God s. The coin was made in Caesar s image. You re made in God s image. That s why He s going to keep the change. And that s why you re going to keep the change.

130 Story of a Squirrel Parody of "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days Keep the Change Track 1 Genesis 6-8, 2 Peter 2:5, 3:3-9, Matt. 24:37-39, Heb.11:7 This song gives some facts and figures on Noah's ark and the place where it landed, with plenty of laughs along for the ride. We thought it would be cute to tell it from the perspective of one of the animals. I remember getting ideas for this song while I was trying to repair something on my front porch. This song spawned not one but two ApologetiX t-shirts. John C. Hampson This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while things looked so dark and Noah's ark was absolutely flooded Yet she's fine How many days were they there? Afloat in the boat it was over one year And how come the world didn't prepare? Meteorologists said it would clear How could they stand that raining? Where was the hope in the souls of the crew? Life on the waves is severe when it's Gilligan's Island combined with a zoo But Noah was aware the world would get sprayed And the rain would never fall in quite the same way But two of every creature would come out of things O.K. This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while things looked so bad and Noah's raft was absolutely flooded Yet she's fine Have they discovered the place Where the boat came to rest when the rain was all drained? Why don't we climb up its face? Walk up the mountain from Genesis 8? It's probably still there waiting there in the snow in the cold altitude How do we get there today when you walk into Turkey and hiking's refused? They've closed up the Ararat Mountains these days There's terrorists there besides -- it ain't safe And they're 17,000 feet high -- I think we'll wait This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while she took no bath and those giraffes were absolutely stubborn Yet she's fine Well, you're told to prepare as well and get saved And the end of the world it might be on the way But you'd never think you'd run out of time today This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And when we look close at Jehovah's wrath I absolutely shudder This is the story of a squirrel -- I tried to sing it about the old girl But all this went so fast -- I've noticed that I accidentally snubbed her Yet she's fine -- Oh, yes, she's fine

131 Monkey Scheme Parody of "Theme from the Monkees" by The Monkees Keep the Change Track 2 Romans 1:18-32 When I was a kid, I read every book I could get my hands on about dinosaurs, cavemen and prehistoric life. I can still rattle off a number of dinosaur names from childhood memory, and I still believe in dinosaurs; the fossil record is replete with their skeletons. Also, the animals described as Behemoth and Leviathan in Job 40:15-24 and 41:1-34, seem to me to be dinosaurs. People who try to say those creatures might be hippos, whales or crocodiles don t seem to be paying close attention to the details and the sheer size and magnificence of the descriptions. With all that having been said, let me state clearly that I DON T believe in the theory of evolution. There are two main reasons for this. One is the fact that it totally contradicts Biblical Christianity and nullifies the importance of Adam and Eve, original sin, and the need for a savior (the New Testament clearly treats Adam as a real person and not just some symbolic thing). The second reason, however, is just as important: There just isn t any evidence proving that man evolved from apes or that any other creature evolved from another. Think about it: In today s world, we can observe animals becoming extinct and facing extinction all the time. However, we observe no animals in a transitional form between two species. Of course, there is variety between species, such as collies, poodles and German Shepherds, but these are all dogs and not new species. One of the best kept secrets of evolution, however, is that there is no real fossil evidence of past transitional species, either. While we have tons of well-preserved skeletal evidence for dinosaurs, the so-called evidence for cavemen is often built from a bone or a tooth and a lot of speculation. Here they come -- talkin' down at me -- I get the funniest looks cause -- I said I don't believe They say we were monkeys -- They think they're sayin' something profound But where's their missing link at? There weren't any bodies found They built a man from a hog's tooth -- They called a lie the truth And any time they get busted -- They sell you something new They say we were monkeys -- I think that they've been monkeyin' around Cause they're too busy changin' their books and their studies 'round They're just tryin' to defend it -- they got a lot to re-explain Where they've done excavation -- they keep uncoverin' mistakes Any time -- or anywhere -- Just look over the boulders -- You'll see that man's been there They say we were monkeys -- I think their heads are stuck in the ground Cause they're too busy diggin' and putting the Bible down SPOKEN: Java Man was the skull of a gibbon; Nebraska Man was the tooth of a pig and The Piltdown Man was a lowdown sham; They built that man from an organutan Ramapithicus wasn't complete; He's a fragment of jaw and a couple of teeth Addition skeletons show us today that he isn't our relative -- only an ape Australapithicus alias Lucy, The fossil of this is just vague and confusing The wonderful knee bone they're proud to possess was 200 feet deeper -- a mile from the rest Neanderthal Man was prob'ly deficient in Vitamin D or it might've been rickets But he had religion and musical instruments, fire and tools and from you he's no different They say we were monkeys but people came from dust in the ground But they're too busy thinkin to look into what we've found They're just kinda pretending, but I know why they seem afraid If we come from creation, you need God s son to be saved They say we were monkeys but there was no evidence found Still you'd better get ready -- They'll make it up anyhow Many of these past claims to missing links have proven to be fraudulent (such as Piltdown Man, which was a deliberate hoax that I first learned about in anthropology class back in college) or misguided (Java Man, which was later found to be the skull of a gibbon; and Nebraska Man, which was built from one pig s tooth!) Even the famous Lucy skeleton, our supposed ancestor, was built from a scattered pile of bones that appear to be an ape (there s only 40% of the bones there), and the main joint that makes them think it might be more than an ape a knee joint was discovered a mile away and 200 feet deeper than the rest of the bones with nothing to prove that it belonged with them. Bottom line: The reason they still call them missing links is that they re still missing. Ask yourself a question: If dinosaurs were around so many years earlier than human beings, why do we have so many detailed dinosaur skeletons and no real caveman skeletons? Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart

132 Christmasnite Parody of "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down Keep the Change Track 3 Matthew 2:1-12 Is this is a Christmas song from the perspective of one of the wise men or is it an allegory from a modern believer who chooses to follow Christ? Any way you slice it, wise men still seek Him, and this message is pertinent year 'round. B. Arnold, M. Roberts & T. Harrell I left my buddies laughin' somewhere in the sand behind I watch the world glow to the dark light of the moon I see another light in view I walk the world but to a star's light not the moon After all I knew it had to be something to do with You I really don't mind not havin' my old friends As long as You'll meet me in Bethlehem If I'm a crazy man, well, You still called me through the sand If I'm a wise man, well, then You prepared the gold in my hand I'll keep Your light in sight, with my search for You, it's like Christmas night You called me strongly from the East But still, Lord Jesus, I'm no king You took this planet by surprise whenever You came down You stunned all them in Bethlehem I caught Your beacon to these men I picked it up and took my map and started out CHORUS

133 Bethlehemian Rhapsody (2001) Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen Keep the Change Track 4 1 Samuel 17 Yep, it s the same song we spoofed on Radical History Tour, and it s still about David and Goliath, but we gave the lyrics a major overhaul in early 2001 (I think only one or two lines survived) and the vocals, instrumentation and production are much better than the original. This is one of our most popular parodies, and Queen's guitarist, Brian May, even had a story posted about it on his website. Freddie Mercury Is this a real guy? Is he just fantasy? 'Cause of his grand size, no one's safe from fatality Open your eyes, look up at Goliath, and see: GOLIATH I m dressed for war, boys. I need no infantry Because I'll meet the one you propose Israelites, pick my foe Anyway, I'll win, so it doesn t really matter to me DAVID Mama, there's still no man who can come against this threat You might figure now we're dead Mama, Goliath is testing us And know he's gonna know they re all afraid Mama, ooh ooh ooh, he's a mean and crazy guy He'll come right back again this time tomorrow Scaring us, scaring us -- cause he wants to meet in battle Hooray! My time has come Been a shepherd all my life -- but I'm taking on this giant Goodbye, everybody -- but not for long God will lead me all the while I face this brute C'mon! Ooh ooh ooh! (David you re a wimp though) I'm not gonna die The One who wins my battles is Lord of all GOLIATH I see a little silly shepherd not a man What are you tryin' to prove? You ll be chewed up and mangled! Send a boy to fight me? Very, very tiny flea! DAVID Gol-la-liath! Gol-la-liath! Gonna die you big galoot! I'll kick your butt! I trust the Lord but nobody trusts me CROWD He trusts the Lord, but suffers from insanity Daring to fight 'gainst this monstrosity DAVID Evil comes, evil goes -- You will get deposed GOLIATH I will not, no! I will not get deposed DAVID Yes, you will (Repeat) Your head will roll GOLIATH No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Come-to-me-a! Come-to-me-a! Let the eagles pick your bones Beelzebub and his devils gonna fight for me for me for me DAVID So you think you can scorn me and spit at my tribe? So you think you re above me just based on your size? Oh, baby... you ain't just duelin' David You're gonna get it now -- cause God'll win my battle here CROWD Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! DAVID Guys I m really flattered yet it wasn t me God wins every battle God wins every battle for me VOICE David will be king soon

134 Stay in the Light Parody of "Stayin' Alive" by The Bee Gees Keep the Change Track 5 Psalm 119:105, Eph. 5:8, 1 John 1:7 This is a song based on Psalm 119, which tells us that the Word of God is a lamp, lighting our path. "Keep the Change" was the first ApologetiX CD since Ticked to not include a country song. To some of folks, that was a welcome change of pace, but we decided to stretch the comfort zones of our listeners with another genre of music -- disco. If the Newsboys could do it, why not us? I confess that I remember aday when it seemed like disco and the Bee Gees would never go away. Then I blinked, and both the style and the group had disappeared. Tragedy. Believe it or not, we call our fourth CD (from 1999) "BG" as a tribute to the Brothers Gibb... and because it's short for "Biblical Graffiti." Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb & Robin Gibb Well you can tell by the way I used to walk I was once a man with no time for God Knew about the risen Lord But didn't check Him out till I got bored And then I saw the light; I got saved I used to look for other ways But given time, I'd understand I knew the Bible had the plan Whether you're in trouble or livin' in a bubble You stay in the light, say in the light Even when you're shaken you're never God-forsaken Just stay in the light, stay in the light Ah, ah, ah, ah stay in the light, stay in the light Ah, ah, ah, ah stay in the light Well, the Bible was divinely inspired And if you can't believe it, you need to try Got the things of Heaven all can use And a plan for man where you just can't lose You now, it's all right, it's O.K. He'll let you be your stubborn way But Jesus Christ is comin', man I know your times are in His hands Whether you're in trouble or livin' in a bubble You stay in the light, say in the light Even when you're shaken you'll never fall to Satan If you stay in the light, stay in the light Ah, ah, ah, ah stay in the light, stay in the light Ah, ah, ah, ah stay in the light I'm gonna show ya Psalm hundred-nineteen The Bible is your lamp I'm gonna show ya the Bible is your lamp So stay in the light! Well you can tell by the way I used to walk I was once a man with no time for God And you may doubt that it's for sure But I'm a Christian now since I'm reborn And now, it's all right, it's O.K. And you may look for other ways You need the light to understand So use your Bible as your lamp Whether you're in trouble or livin' in a bubble You stay in the light, say in the light Even when you're shaken Ephesians 5 verse 8 says Just stay in the light, stay in the light Ah, ah, ah, ah stay in the light, stay in the light Ah, ah, ah, ah stay in the light I'm gonna show ya Psalm hundred-nineteen The Bible is your lamp I'm gonna show ya the Bible is your lamp So stay in the light!

135 Old Time Romans Road Parody of "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger Keep the Change Track 6 Romans 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 5:12, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9 O.K., Bob Seger fans: the Old-Time Romans Road isn t down on Main Street, and it doesn t go to Fire Lake. As many Christians know, the Romans Road to Salvation is a short series of scriptures form the book of Romans that guide you through God s plan of salvation as you turn the page. The basic stops on the road are still the same -- Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23 and 10:9 -- although some people also add others like Romans 3:10, 8:1 and 10:13. This parody was written as an effort to get more riders out on that road and to help all you tour guides out there remember where the stops are. I remember writing a good portion of this around Easter time in 2001, while visiting my in-laws in Kentucky. Last time I checked, "Old Time Rock and Roll" was the biggest jukebox hit of all time. We did a totally different parody of it back in our early days of playing the Paradise Club. It was about Job, and the chorus was "I thank the Lord that I'm not named Job." It was on our very first homemade cassette, a live recording called "Get Your Wigs." George Jackson & Thomas Jones Just take those old directions off the shelf I'm sending us into the Bible Belt To take you the way God can save souls I'll ride that old time Romans Road Don't try to take me to a different road You'll never even get me -- I'll never go But take me on the highway straight for the Lord I like that old time Romans Road I like that old time Romans Road That avenue it just saves your soul I rev my engines down the streets of gold With that old time Romans Road Although I hear the way is narrow All other avenues are bumpy old roads There's only one sure way to get me to God That way's the old time Romans Road CHORUS Romans 3:23 is what you read Then find verse 5:8 then verse 6:23 Then take Romans 10:9 to save your soul And that s the old time Romans Road CHORUS I like that old time Romans Road That avenue it just saves your soul I read a missive 'bout the faith of old It's that old time Romans Road

136 The Real Sin Savior Parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem Keep the Change Track 7 Rom. 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:20, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9, 13, Ps. 51:5, 17, John 8:36, 1 Timothy 1:15 This song is actually an altar call, although Eminem is one of the last people you d expect to see at an altar call. Of course, Christ calls a lot of people you wouldn't expect. And that s one of the points to this song. The Bible verse that probably best sums up this song is 1 Timothy 1:15: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst." I wrote this song in many different places over a long period of time in the first half of I remember getting some of the words while driving past Westmoreland Mall in Greensburg PA, in a McDonald's parking lot in New Stanton PA, and on the road on way home from South Carolina, among other places. The lyrics are filled with lots of things that were on my mind at the time. I wasn't sure that people would get everything that I was talking about, but they apparently did. It's easily one of our most popular parodies ever, and it won the 2002 American Christian Music Award for "Fringe Song of the Year." Marshall Mathers, Andre Young & M. Bradford May I have your repentance please? May I have your repentance please? Will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up? I repeat: will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up? We're gonna have to prod them here Y'all act like you never seen a nice person before, you oughta hope in the Lord Your panting tongue is just thirstin' for more You started lookin' around searchin' cause you're Uncertain you're sure you know where you're goin' eternally If you return to God... ah, wait, no, wait, we're sinning We couldn't get saved with the things we did, can we? And Dr. J. says -- nothing you did is such a grave sin it costs you salvation Ha Ha Heavenly livin s above every man "Chick-a-chick-a-chick-a he's crazy! I'm sick of them born agains Walkin' around askin' if you know God speakin of You Know Who Yeah, but there's no proof though" Yeah, probably got a couple of you who think I lack proof But no worse than what's goin' on in America's classrooms Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just spread the truth But can't -- but the school can tell me we come from evolution "My mama was a fish -- my mama was a fish "And if we're monkeys you might as well forget original sin!" And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to question on their own if God exists Of course they're gonna wonder if the Lord's fake by the time they hit fourth grade They got the Easter Bunny and Santa don't they? We ain't shinin' examples Well some of the scandals are caused by people posin' as evangelists But if Jesus loved His enemies and Pharisees Then there's no reason that you can't get another chance and believe But if you feel a slight chill, I got the anti-freeze This is not a fantasy, it's important and it's free I've sinned greatly, but Christ's for real, baby It's a wonder He saved me and just didn't hate me So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Yes, I've been crazy, yes, I've been real shady Always wanted Him to save me, but just didn't say it So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Will Smith don't gotta discuss the Christian path to salvation Well, I do -- it affects him and affects you too You think I give a care of he likes my parodies Half of you kiddies won't even look at me, let alone stare at me But J., what if we pray? Wouldn't we be weird? Why? Would you guys reject Christ just to fit with your peers So you can live in fear for the next 60 years? This ain't imaginary, better get prepared The price of sin yes it costs us dearly with death first And when that part is over if you ain't saved it gets much worse Little chance they'll put me now on MTV Yeah, it's true, but I think he'd scare all the kids -- ree ree! I said now's when they oughta know and John 3:3 It shows the whole world how they need born again to be free I'm singin' you little girls and boys spoofs -- all you do is ignore me Though I have been sent here to inform you And there's a million of us just like me you judge like me Were just like triple fudge ice cream; we're just quite sweet You watch Saul in Acts 9:3, you just might see you're just like him, you're not fightin' me I've sinned greatly, but Christ He still saved me From a hundred temptations and death, sin and Hades So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Yes, my sinned shamed me, yet I've been healed lately God the Father forgave me from messin' with Satan So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up I'm like a breath mint you listen to but I'm only givin' you Things you thought about in your head with my religious group The only difference is I got the call to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be Paul -- the Book I quote has it all I just get out a Bible and read it and whether you like it you need it As sure as I can see that better than 90 percent of you happen to doubt me Then you wonder how can kids give up their values I tell you it's funny Cause at the place I'm goin' when I'm buried I'll see the only person in the world I know who s worthy He's the first and last and I'm J. Jackson I'm the worst And I'm a jerk and Jesus knows that but my braggin' wasn't workin' And every single person needs a sin savior urgently You could be working on a burglary or sittin' in a nunnery Or keepin' part of the law perfectly screamin' "I don't sin that much" Puttin' Christians down sayin' "It's just a crutch" So if you're still waiting please stand up 'cause this wonderful singer's time is eaten up And it's time to get off your behind and out of the row Come on down -- now is your chance -- how do I know? CHORUS I guess there s a sin Savior for all of us Let s all stand up

137 Babylona Parody of "My Sharona" by The Knack Keep the Change Track 8 Daniel 3 Ever wonder what would happen if old King Nebuchadnezzar sang lead for an L.A.- based late-seventies pop quartet? Maybe he d get Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego to fill out the band. Well, the king himself sings lead on this tune about his most famous experience with the boys. The original version of this song launched the careers of both the Knack and "Weird Al" Yankovic, who scored his first big parody hit by spoofing this tune. Who'd have thought that "Weird Al" would be the one with considerably more staying power? Doug Fieger & Berton Averre Ooh my little city was pretty tough When it was the kingdom called Babylona Ooh, I made a golden god -- and told the mob Got to come and bow before my persona Everybody dropped, givin' up Such a pretty sight, they all were givin' up All the town, 'cept three Israelites Why, why, why, why, why?! Whoa! Ba-ba-ba-babylona Called the little jokers up -- said "Bring 'em up Close enough to look in my fire's aroma! Hebrew children, listen to me, you're dissin' me Come and bow or simmer like Rice-a-rona!" "Never gonna drop," they said "We're not "Such important guys, but God will get us out!" Told the guards, "Throw them in the fire!" Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye! Whoa! Ba-ba-ba-babylona Ba-ba-ba-babylona Said to throw them into the rotisserie Sizzlin' like a platter of fried bologna Kids you re just a recipe, so rest in peace! But they didn t burst in flames and die -- why? Don t knowa Never would have thought they'd live at all Such a burnin' fire -- I saw them with their God Called them out -- Now they're friends of mine My, my, my, my, my! Whoa!

138 Daniel Parody of "Daniel" by Elton John Keep the Change Track 9 Daniel 6 The subject of this parody is (who else?) Daniel in (where else?) the lion s den, but it s told from King Darius perspective, a pagan king who really liked Daniel a lot. For Daniel's perspective, check out "Guide the Way" on our "Adam Up" CD. I first heard Elton John's "Daniel" when I was a kid and used to listen to my sisters record albums. I liked the album it came from so much that I made a deal with my sister Gayle. She promised to give me the album if I d let her cut my hair. And the rest is history. This song was in the vaults for about five years or so before we finally recorded it. That's Keith Harrold playing the drums on this one, "Cheap Birds," and "The Ballad of Jesus and Yahweh." Elton John & Bernie Taupin Daniel's with lions tonight in a cave I can see their red pale eyes testin his faith Oh, and I can see Daniel waitin' to die God, it looks like Daniel -- won't be around in my life They say it s a pity though I can't intervene Daniel, just was the best slave who ever served this king Oh, and, even so, I can't change the law Lord, I'll miss Daniel -- Oh, I'll miss him so much Oh oh oh -- Daniel, my governor You are bolder than me -- do you still feel so brave? Are you more than a meal? You're wise and kind -- but you face roarin' lions Daniel, will they starve? Will your faith save your life? LEAD Oh oh oh -- Daniel, my governor You are bolder than me -- will you still be the same When tomorrow is here? Will I start cryin' -- will you see mornin' light? Daniel, it's so hard -- I'm afraid that you'll die Daniel's with lions tonight in a cave I can see an Israelite's just what they crave Oh, and, I can see Daniel prayin' for life God, if You like Daniel Just stay around him tonight Oh, God, if You like Daniel Just keep him out of those lions

139 All the Stalls Stink Parody of "All the Small Things" by Blink 182 Keep the Change Track 10 Genesis 6-8 All the Stalls Stink is Noah s humorous take on the downside of being cooped up in an ark for a year with a bunch of smelly animals, although it ends with the hopeful line, We should just chill, trust the Lord still, and life will go on I know it will. This was our most-popular concert audience-participation number ever. At one time, other ideas included "All the Psalm Things" (about the Psalms) and "All the Paul Things" (about the Epistles). Mark Hoppus & Tom DeLonge All the stalls stink -- Two bears, two pigs I'll take one whiff -- Before I get sick Wallabies, rhinos -- you'll see on my boat Watch me straightening -- the mess they're making Save your raincoat -- I will not go Where's the Lysol? -- carry me the soap Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na Hey guys uh oh There s a skunk I know She left the odor by the stairs She likes to let me know she s scared Save your raincoat -- I will not go Here s a nice thought Camels need Scope Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na LEAD Save your raincoat -- I will not go First I ll wipe off a pair of hippos Keep the boat still I ve been sorta ill I might just throw up in all this swill Save your raincoat -- I will not go Worldwide flood -- very big boat We should just chill -- trust the Lord still And life will go on -- and life will go on I know it will

140 Cheap Birds Parody of "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd Keep the Change Track 11 Matt. 6:26-34, 10:29-31; Luke 12:6-7, This song about God's provision is based on two illustrations Jesus used involving birds in Luke 12. Jesus noted that birds were sold very cheaply in the marketplace, but were still worth something to God, and yet we were worth much more. Since Lynyrd Skynyrd had hits with both a studio and a live version, we thought it was only appropriate that we should release both a studio and a live version. I wrote this sometime around 1996, I think, but it had to wait its turn to make it onto CD. Allen Collins & Ronnie Van Zant You do not need to fear tomorrow Would you still remember please That God must keep track of sparrows And there's so many ravens God s got to feed But if God takes care of bluebirds He'll bless you and me the same Cause I'm not cheap like a bird now And I'm born for better things And I'm worth more than odd change And I'm worth more than I think The Lord knows everything I find faith from listenin' to Jesus -- yeah, yeah When nervous feelings I can't shake So please don't take this for granted Cause the Lord knows all your needs But this Bible states here in Luke 12 He'll get food for me today Cause I'm not cheap like a bird now And I'm born for better things And I'm worth more than odd change And I'm worth more than I think The Lord knows everything The Lord helps me -- find the way Oh, night and day The Lord provides -- for cheap birds, yeah

141 Mama Told Me (What's to Come) Parody of "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)" by Three Dog Night Keep the Change Track 12 Leviticus 20:27, Deuteronomy 18:10-12, 29:29 If the truth be told, my mama and I butt heads on a few theological issues, but we love each other, and she s a big supporter of the band... even has her own ApologetiX t-shirt. Furthermore, she was the one who first encouraged me to read the Bible, pay attention to sermons in church, listen to Jesus Christ Superstar, watch the movie Jesus of Nazareth, and a bunch of other steps in my walk with God. One of the Biblical concepts I remember her imparting when I was just a wee lad was, Don t go to fortune tellers. Back then, psychics was a fairly new term. Anyway, God told the Israelites long ago not to consort with mediums, spiritists, fortune tellers, etc. (Leviticus 20:27, Deuteronomy 18:10-12, 29:29), and that theme is consistent through the time of King Saul (1 Samuel 28) to the Apostle Paul (Acts 16). I have a good friend who has a good friend who spent an unbelievable amount of money calling psychics, and that s what finally inspired me to write this parody, although it s a lesson that both Christians and non-christians should learn. Steve Miller, A. Ertegun, E. Curtis & Chip Taylor Want some gypsies in your wallet? Sugar, can't you see? What's on this T.V. station is blasphemy I think the craziest part is that celebrity Don't turn on the psychics -- I don't wanna see God has told me what's to come God has told me what's to come That ain't the way that it's done no, uh uh You're phonin' up the weirdos -- get some prayer into this room Their crystal ball is broken -- but there's still a spell on you And that psychic friend you spoke with -- has sales he has to get Open up your wallet, sucker -- credit, cash or check?!! God has told me what's to come God has told me what's to come That ain't the way that it's done, son I've read the Revelation oh yeah! They don't know what's happ'nin' -- someone's knockin' at the door You're lookin' for a real friend -- He's passed this way before They've seen so many things -- but they ain't never seen the Lord And if you don't repent -- you ain't gonna see Him no more God has told me what's to come God has told me what's to come He said, that ain t the way that it s done, son Don t mess with divination God has told me lots of phonies gonna come who wanna snow me With divination -- whoa yeah yeah God has told me not to talk with a diviner God has told me... the truth CHORUS

142 Manger Parody of "Angel" by Shaggy (featuring Rayvon) Keep the Change Track 13 Luke 2:7 This is one of two Christmas-oriented tunes ("Christmasnite" is the other) from Keep the Change," and both came were also included on our short-lived Christmas EP. "Manger" tells the Christmas story from the perspective of the now-forgotten person who hooked Mary and Joseph up with the stable environment in which Jesus was born. I wasn't sure if the idea was strong enough when I first came up with it, but my wife convinced me to run with it. I remember working on it in the early stages at a roller skating rink near Nashville TN. Steve Miller, A. Ertegun, E. Curtis & Chip Taylor Girl, use my manger for your darling angel Cozier than my sheep you ought to be, Mary Showed you my stable -- for my farming animals Girl, you must spend the night with these, maybe Life is one big party when there's children But whose gonna have a bed for your small son? It's all good that you're little one's near but Can't find a room -- crud! Water broke and now what? You can rush out to the place I mentioned Spend the night save the money for the rent and Keep him there through your entire vacation You won't need reservations -- my barn's pretty vacant Girl, use my manger for your darling baby Over where Bo Peep would want to be, Mary Sure, use my stable -- it's a charming place and Girl you'll make friends with cows and sheep, maybe Sure it's clean and that's how you should be treated Though you'd better get another one in Egypt Ruler of Bethlehem is conceited Take it from me kid: if he comes, beat it! But he's not gonna come tonight; there's no problem Not till talkin' to some wise men; Herod's so dumb But the free room that I have for you is ho hum He could search for so long and still never see your son Girl, use my manger for your darling baby Clothe Him with white sheets or else he'll freeze, Mary Showed you my stable -- what are all these angels? Girl, I might end up on my knees, maybe Girl, there's probably gonna be a crowd So let me see your child -- He must be sent from up above And He appears to be so tender and so nice and friendly I think He's givin' me a hug Girl, there's probably gonna be a crowd So let me see your child -- He must be sent from up above And He appears to be so tender and so like the shepherds I'm thankin' Heaven He has come Tonight it's one big party 'cause it's God's son But you'd better watch your back when it's all done It's all good that your little one's here but Can't be a fool, hon -- what about the law, mon? You can call on divine intervention But shiny light gives you very much attention It could lead to my incarceration I wanna tell the nations, but I think I ll wait some REPEAT SECOND CHORUS, THIRD CHORUS

143 Be Bold Jeremiah Parody of "Jet Airliner" by Steve Miller Keep the Change Track 14 Jeremiah 1:17 In this song, the prophet Jeremiah tells his own story. Aside from the book of Psalms, Jeremiah is the longest book in the Old Testament. Isaiah has more chapters, but Jeremiah has more words, because his chapters are much longer. He also is generally credited with writing the Book of Lamentations. Despite his prolific nature, many Christians don t really know too much about him, and that s a telltale sign they haven t read the whole Bible, because Jeremiah s books contain not only prophecies, but many stories of things that happened in his life, including his personal feelings about what was going on circa B.C. Poor Jeremiah: He loved his homeland (Judah) and his people (the Jews), and yet he was sent by God to prepare them for the Babylonian invasion that would soon come to punish them. Consequently, the people accused him of being a traitor and a false prophet. All that after Jeremiah plainly told God from the start, Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth. ( Jeremiah 1:6) "Jet Airliner" was one of the first songs I really got into when FM radio started rockin me back in 1977, and you heard it too if you were living in the U.S.A. that summer. In fact, I went out to the record store to buy the single, but they were sold out, so I got Nobody Does It Better by Carly Simon instead of opting to take the money and run. Paul Pena Even though, I wasn't bold I didn't doubt the Lord I didn't know what to think when He came And said, Speak to them all my words But my Lord, I speak so horribly And I feel like I'm far too young Somebody else should take my place You know that God told me to move along Whoa! Be bold, Jeremiah Don't let them see you are afraid Whoa! Be bold, Jeremiah Let them hear what I ve got to say Prophesied to all my friends and foes Prophesied to people I'd just met They all threw me out and said go away It might be 'cause I prophesied their destruction But my Lord keeps callin' me back there As I get on with servin' my sentence Prophesyin' -- got tears in my eyes You know that God said, Go and tell them all to Get repentant CHORUS Dungeon bound they threw me in the ground Until the king pulled me out I ve got to keep on preachin' on They all said, Big deal, he's a prisoner now! And I'm hopin' for some visitation You know but I can surely see That I don't want to get cut off whenever Punishment's comin' down on this city CHORUS 3X Be bold, Jeremiah -- Carry the news I spoke Be bold, Jeremiah -- And prepare them for Babylon

144 Ballad of Jesus & Yahweh Parody of "Ballad of John & Yoko" by The Beatles Keep the Change Track 15 John 1:1, 1:14, 8:24, 14:6, 1 Tim. 3:16, Isaiah 43-44, Titus 2:13, 2 Peter 1:1, Hebrews 1:8, 1 John 5:6-8, 20, Romans 9:5, Acts 20:28 One of the basic doctrines of the Christian faith is the Trinity and the deity of Jesus Christ. The early Christian church didn t come up with that doctrine first and then try to find scriptures to support it later. Rather, they found so many scriptures (in both the Old and New Testament) that pointed to Christ s deity and to the fact that there was one God in three persons, the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, that they came up with the doctrine of the Trinity as a way of describing what the Bible plainly showed was true. Unfortunately, the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society has done its best to change as many of those verses as possible in its New World Translation, and consequently, millions of Jehovah s Witnesses and their potential converts are misled to believe that the Trinity is a pagan, unbiblical concept. They teach that Jesus is a mighty god, a spirit creature who was formerly Michael the Archangel, but not almighty God. We wrote the song The Ballad of Jesus and Yahweh in late 1995 to point out a number of scripture verses (although there are plenty of others) that demonstrate the deity of Jesus Christ, so our listeners would have an easy reference tool the next time they talked to somebody about the deity of Christ. Of course, like I said, the Watchtower tries to twist those verses in their New World Translation, so learning the words to our little parody certainly isn t a cure all. John Lennon & Paul McCartney Standin' there, they knock at your doorstep Tryin' to make you part of their plan They hand you a tract, say they wanna come back You know, they said that Jesus just was a man Christ is more than a teacher I know He's God -- can't you see The way that I know is: There s lots of proof when I read Titus 2:13 says that Jesus Is our God and savior so great Peter and Paul say the same thing by the way You can check Second Peter 1:1 today CHORUS From there it's to the letter to Hebrews Talkin' how God's Son is unique In Hebrews 1 verse 8 the Father truly does say He says His only Son is God, yes indeed CHORUS Isaiah chapter 43, Jehovah says, There isn t a God or savior except for me That s why the Christ said, obey or you're dead You must believe I am to save your souls... Think! Maybe I should check the beginning Reading John 1:1 for a snag "And the Word was God." It's just as I thought It's lookin' like it's truly a fact CHORUS Lots of other things you can show them If they stage a counterattack Remember to pray, then you really can say "I'd like to have the both of you back!" CHORUS

145 Rock and Roots Parody of "Rock and Roll" by Led Zeppelin Keep the Change Track 16 Luke 3:23-38 This is the only song I know of that lists the entire genealogy of Jesus Christ from Luke chapter 3. Adam begat Seth, who begat... the whole way up to Jesus. I just thought it would be cool to do something like that, and the "let me get back" in Led Zeppelin's version reminded me of all those "he begat" phrases you see in biblical genealogies. This is actually one of the first parodies I ever wrote, while waiting for a transit bus to pick me up in downtown Pittsburgh. We played it during our very first ApologetiX concert in March 27, and it appeared later that year on an early homemade cassette, "Parable Guy," our first studio effort. Back then we called the song "The Roots of Rock and Roll." Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones & John Bonham Been a long time since-uh God made man Had a long line of descendents planned Adam begat Seth, who begat Enosh, who begat Cainan Who begat Mahaleleel Who begat Jared, who begat Enoch Who had Methuselah who lived a life the longest time BREAK Lamech had Noah, had Shem, had Arphaxad He begat Cainan, who had Shelah, and he had Heber, Peleg, Reu and Serug, Nahor, Terah Abraham, Isaac and Jacob Judah, Perez, Hezron Ram, Admin* Amminadab, Nahshon, Salmon, Boaz, Obed, Jesse and David SPOKEN Let's turn the Page and Plant the family tree Come on with John, Paul, Jonah, Peter, Moses and me We'll go from Adam to Jesus, a genealogy We'll spend a long, cool time there in Luke chapter three Nathan, Mattatha, Menna, Melea Eliakim, Jonam, Joseph and Judah Ooh, Simeon, Levi, Matthat, Jorim, Eliezer Joshua, Er, Elmadam, Cosam -- Awesome! Addi, Melchi, Neri, Shealtiel Zerubbabel, Rhesa, Joanan, Joda, Josech, Semein BREAK Mattathias, Maath and Naggai Hesli, Nahum, Amos, Hey! Ooh yeah, ooh yeah Ooh yeah, ooh yeah Mattathias, Joseph, Jannai Melchi, Levi, Matthat, Eli, Joseph and Jesus Christ! *Note: This is the New American Standard Version of the genealogy Depending on the translation, this line can also be sung: Judah, Perez, Hezron and Ram, Amminadab, Nashon, Salmon, Boaz, Obed, Jesse & David Please also note that the spelling of the names throughout the genealogy differs from translation to translation.

146 Simp Liztik Parody of "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit Keep the Change Track 17 Mark 2:17, Matt 9:12, 21:31; Luke 5:31-32, 18:9-14; Isaiah 53:3, 64:6; Psalms 14:3, 53:3, 118:22; 1 Cor. 1:28, Eccl. 7:20 I love the title for this song, and it really made me feel good when one of our fans later used it as part of his address. I worry that many people probably never say the words out loud together and get the joke, though. This is one of my favorite songs on "Keep the Change." I like the way the final production turned out. Even so, we only ever played it live once, to my recollection, at a skating rink in Punxsutawney. Fred Durst calls himself a reject in Limp Bizkit's version, and our parody talks about how Christ came into this world for the rejects, and how He even told the religious leaders of his day that the tax collectors and prostitutes were getting in the Kingdom of Heaven before they were (Matt. 21:31). Just like Christ healed the lepers of yesterday, he heals the social lepers of today. That s why the chorus of this song goes, He did it all for the crooked, the hookers, so you can be bad lookin and still get up to Heaven. Fred Durst, Wes Borland, Sam Rivers & John Otto He came into this world for the rejects Look into the Bible -- then you need to size up the facts Dwell upon the facts -- and learn about His grace Everything's in First Corinthians Verse 1:28 Hey, I think about the day When the world He came to save went astray And they nailed Him to a tree How He stuck with 'em though they did that stuff And went on just to suffer and got lumped with us all (Hey) like the chumps, like the tramps, like the drunks Like the punks, like the bums, like the scum, like us all We've all been really bad (Oh?) No one is really good (No?) It's kinda sad -- Christ's the laughin' stock of the neighborhood And you would think He'd try to prove 'em wrong But Christ He suffered like I said, stuck up on the death cross He said that they just made a mistake And God should give 'em a break We oughta praise Jesus' name Saved us from Hell, what you want me to say? I know why and I can't deny He did it all for the crooked (Come on!) the hookers (Come on!) So you can be bad lookin' and still get up to Heaven! Still get up to Heaven! Still get up to Heaven! Still get up to Heaven! REPEAT CHORUS Why did He save those bums? Why did He save those scum, huh? Can't figure it out, but He said it in Matthew 21: 31 and still they didn't get it He came to treat the guys who were diseased Cause the well don't want a doctor's help or hospitality He had to get 'em all better Like tax collectors, harlots and lepers and self-righteous hecklers (Hey) like the chumps... CHORUS I'm goin' to Romans -- just so you'll read verse 3:10 Religious Pharisees They'll tell you -- They're very good That's easier said than done Psalm verse 53:3 -- Righteous? No not one Jesus alone -- Jesus alone -- Just Jesus alone What we wanna say is humans don't obey And I could quote the same verse in Psalm 14 verse 3 All have gone astray but you can know the way The righteous ones are scarce here -- We're all in need of grace What's it gonna take for you to go and pray Cause Christ just wants to save you And all you need is faith CHORUS

147 You Booked Me All Along Parody of "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC Keep the Change Track 18 Revelation 13:8, Romans 8:29, John 6:44, 15:16, 2 Tim 1:9 I think it is so cool that we serve a God who knows everything that ever happened and everything that ever will happen, and one who made plans for us long before we loved Him (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10) and actually draws us to Him (John 6:44). I heard a preacher say once that there s a two-step process to salvation. The first step is that you come to God. The second step is that you realize that He was the one who really took the first step. :) Predestination can be a difficult subject to grasp and a controversial one to discuss, whether you re a Calvinist or not, but it is a part of scripture (Romans 8:29-30 and Ephesians 1:5), and no scholar disputes that. The differences of opinion occur whenever people discuss exactly what it means, its role, its relation to a person s free will, etc. We re not trying to give a sermon on predestination or to define it in this song, though; we re just pointing out some cool verses that show that even before we decided to look for God, He had already found us. As Jesus says in John 15:16, You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. Angus Young, Malcolm Young & Brian Johnson It was the past in Eden You kept the two of them clean They were the best man and woman that had ever been Too bad the snake arrived Tellin' Eve those lies Knockin them out -- You closed up paradise fast They did not have a prayer Yet the Bible declares You told them You'd come But You was already there Cause the Lamb was slain from, the earth's foundation In Revelation, verse 13:8 it says You -- booked it all along Yeah, You booked it all along From the dawn of time You had that stuff in mind Romans 8:29 says it's divinely designed When we go to the cross It's just the Father who draws You revealed that to me in John 6:44 Went to choose You now Today and then I found How in fact You chose me Today in John 15 Cause the Lamb was slain from, the earth's foundation Predestination, defeatin' Satan Cause You -- booked me all along Yet You -- could see all my wrongs You blotted them out -- and You booked me all along Had to save me and -- You -- booked me all along Yeah, You booked me Then You took me LEAD

148 Life Restored Parody of "Last Resort" by Papa Roach Keep the Change Track 19 Romans 3:10-23, 5:8, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9 "Last Resort" was about somebody at the end of their rope, trying to decide if they wanted to hang themselves with it. "Life Restored" is about somebody at the beginning of their hope, trying to share it with others. I'm pretty sure I got the idea for this song while mowing the lawn the Saturday before Easter in We've had people tell us personally that God used this song to bring them to Christ. That's best thing anybody can tell us about one of our parodies. Papa Roach Plug my life into Jesus -- this gets my life restored Such a cakewalk -- no brainer Don't need to fuss if I call on our savior This gets my life restored Plugged my life into Jesus -- I've seen my life restored Such a cakewalk -- no brainer Don't need to fuss since I called Him my savior Do not even care if I die later Cause I belong to Jesus Christ If they took my life tonight -- chances are I'd arrive In a place that's out of sight -- and I'm confident I'm doin' fine 'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind This all started with Romans 10:9 Doing what's right, doin' quite fine This all started with Romans 10:9 I never realized I was meant to live To live a new life if I would let Him within Told me -- death is the payoff for living in sin End the cycle when you're born again It all started when I first discovered The Book on my shelf and read cover to cover Searching -- to find religion that held my attention Finding -- something called Christian redemption 'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind This all started with Romans 10:9 Doing what's right, doin' quite fine This all started with Romans 10:9 I'll be all right -- I'll be just fine You're runnin' out of time I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine I can't go wrong living this way Plug my life into Jesus This gets my life restored Selfish nature -- don't need it Go give it up -- you can conquer your demons Would it be wrong for me to pry If you give your life to Christ -- Chances are dynamite You will make it out alive -- and I'm confident you'll do it right 'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind This all started with Romans 10:9 Doing what's right, doin' quite fine This all started with Romans 10:9 I'll be all right -- I'll be just fine -- You're runnin' out of time I can't go wrong livin' this way -- Can't go wrong living this way I'll be all -- right

149 Grace Period 2002 We face a lot of deadlines in this life. Whether it s homework, bills, taxes, applications or registrations, every one of us could use a grace period now and then. This whole world is facing a deadline the return of Christ. The good news is that God has given the human race an incredibly long grace period, and the Bible explains why in 2 Peter 3:9: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. Whether Christ returns in our lifetime or not, we each have a deadline at the end of our lives. As it says in Hebrews 9:27, Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment. Unfortunately, none of us know just how long our particular grace period is going to last, which is why the Bible urges us, "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion" (Hebrews 3:15). It s kind of ironic that a grace period is an amount of time to get something done, and yet with God, it s not really about you doing something as much as it s about accepting something that He has already done for you: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9). As that verse points out, we are saved by grace period. Merriam-Webster s Collegiate Dictionary defines grace as unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Both the dictionary and the Bible agree that we don t get grace because of anything we have done; it s unmerited. God didn t wait for us to save ourselves, because he knew we couldn t: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). And He didn t save us because we loved Him so much either: This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10). Again and again, the Bible hammers home the point that it is grace and grace alone that saves us. This is offensive to some people, but to those who know just how truly sinful they are, this is truly Good News. Grace is a gift, and like any gift, you can accept it or refuse it. It s our hope that you will accept it. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12)

150 Corinthians Parody of "In the End" by Linkin Park Grace Period Track 1 1 Cor. 13 I got the idea for this song in the shower, and I remember working on it right after we bought our used 2000 Dodge Caravan, and also on the street where my wife's grandmother used to live. Some Linkin Park fans have taken offense at the fact that we spoofed "In the End." They ask why we felt it necessary to change the words to what they consider to be a perfectly good song both musically and lyrically. Granted, there are many, many songs that we spoof that have appalling lyrics in their original form. But that s not the primary reason we spoof them. We do this because we specialize in parodies. It's a talent God has given us, and we like to spoof all forms of music. We're not saying that Linkin Park s original version is bad or immoral, although it is pretty sad. The singer is bitter and despondent ( in the end, it doesn t really matter") over his former girlfriend/lover who treated him bad. In the end, nobody wins in that song. When we decided to spoof that song, I thought about that song and how both of them probably thought they had loved each other at one time in the past, and in the end, neither one really did; she treated him wrong, and he ends up bitter with nothing really good to say about her. I thought about our concept today of love and how it s so different from what the Bible says real love is like. Real love is patient, kind, isn t jealous, doesn t keep a record of wrongs, etc. It's a startling contrast and that makes for good parody. Plenty of people like our parody, "Corinthians," but it s O.K. if you don t. We understand your feelings (if it hurts you when you think somebody is making fun of Linkin Park, imagine how we feel as millions make fun of Jesus Christ and Christianity), but we did want you to know that we're not trying to make fun of Linkin Park or say that their original song isn t good. Linkin Park It starts with love Young thing -- I don't know why You didn't read the letter our Lord supplied With that in mind I revised this rhyme to explain to you guys all I know Love is a wonderful thing Watch the fly guys with the Benjamins sing Watch the countdown that the MTV plays I got ticked by the way It's so unreal -- Britney and Jennifer Lo Watch the wardrobe -- looks like a window Tryin' to hold on to itty bitty clothes You pasted them on -- this is not true love I guess everything's a hybrid breeding love and pride In small jealous hearts What it gets to be is essentially just a parody Like this rhyme is of Linkin Park You tried so hard -- but love's so far Corinthians -- it doesn't even matter If love's too small -- you lose it all Corinthians -- first letter, thirteenth chapter Love waits -- it's also kind It doesn't envy, brag, or grow hard with pride Keeps things polite, doesn't like to fight It denies itself, while it tries no harm If I have the faith and philosophy Acting like I was smarter than Socrates And every language and tongue and prophecy I could die and not go far If at the stake they burned me or I could've given every dime to many poor If love's lackin' throw me back then Buddy, Paul wrote that to Corinthians It bears everything, besides, believes and hopes, abides That Paul fella's smart Love he said to me will eventually keep no memory Of your crimes 'cause it finds no fault CHORUS It likes what's just and true Dislikes what's unrighteous though Failure is the only one thing it can't know The things that last are few Just have faith and love and hope From all these, there's only one thing you need most

151 Cornelius Parody of "Cecilia" by Simon & Garfunkel Grace Period Track 2 Acts 10 I first wrote parody in the mid-1990's, and it s ironic that shortly after we decided to finally put it on "Grace Period" in 2002, the Newsboys released a new CD ("Thrive") which included a song with the same title. But theirs is more an allegory, whereas ours is dealing with the literal story of Cornelius, a Roman centurion who was the first gentile convert to Christianity (Acts 10:1-48). Before Cornelius conversion, Christianity was a faith that seemed to be for Jews only. In fact, Acts 11, shows what a controversy it created in the early church when the Apostle Peter baptized Cornelius and his household although they were uncircumcised. But soon it became apparent that Christianity was for both Jews and gentiles. It wasn t intentional, but it s one of those little ironies that God allows into our lives that the group that did the song we re spoofing here, Simon and Garfunkel, was made up of two nice Jewish boys. To add to the confusion, their first and third albums both contained traditional Christian hymns. Cornelius -- was favored by God He prayed to Him constantly, daily Oh, Cornelius was in the army A pagan believer from Rome Cornelius! An angel from God Came straight to the spot he was praying Oh, Cornelius! Acts 10 in verse 3 The angel said Peter must come to your home Makin' lunch in the afternoon Where was Peter? Up on Simon's roof He went up on top to pray And the Lord sent some men there to take him away Cornelius said, "Hey, can we start? "We're waiting upon what you re sayin'" So Cornelius, fell down on his knees But Peter said, "Please do not" so -- he got up True salvation! They trusted in Him They called on the Lord there on that day To the nations that once were in sin God opened the doors there on that day The germ of the idea for this song came when we were goofing around with the original, before ApologetiX was even called by that name. Karl was being funny and sang "making lunch in the afternoon" to clean up the lyrics. A few years later, I remembered how the story in Acts 10 took place while Peter was waiting for his host to make lunch, and the fact that "Cornelius" sounded so much like "Cecilia" made it a cinch. Paul Simon

152 I'm a Receiver Parody of "I'm a Believer" by Smash Mouth and the Monkees Grace Period Track 3 Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 8:32, Matthew 10:8, John 1:12 You know, when you compare the religions of this world, you ll notice something; every other religion besides Christianity is a system of man trying to reach up to God, to make himself good enough for God or whatever godlike state of enlightenment he is trying to achieve. Christianity is the only religion that shows God reaching down to man, when man realizes he can never be good enough on his own. It isn t so much about us giving things to God (although we do give Him our heart), as it is about receiving the gift He has given. Christ has this gift available to all of us, but He can stand outside the door and knock (Rev. 3:20) all your life, and if you don t open up the door and receive the gift, you re never going to get it. Ironically, "I'm a Believer" was on the very first album I ever received as a gift, a hand-me-down copy of "More of the Monkees" courtesy of my older sisters. Neil Diamond I thought God was only Jewish fairy tales Meant for someone else with lots more faith All my doubts depressed me -- that's the way it stayed Till a voice said, Honey, call my name Then I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver God replaced -- the doubt in my mind -- I've been loved I'm a receiver -- Got the Redeemer in my life I thought God was more impressed with givin' things He said, Boy, I gave the best I got What's the use in strivin'? All your debt is paid Didn't leave a punchline on My grave Then I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver Got a place -- a palace on high -- up above I'm a receiver -- I'm gonna be there if I die What's the use in strivin? All your debt is paid Check out Romans 10:9 -- I got saved When I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver Mama says -- I'm out of my mind -- I've been touched I'm a receiver -- I got Ephesians 2:8,9 Then I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver Not afraid -- about when I die Now I'm a receiver, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

153 YHWH Parody of "YMCA" by Village People Grace Period Track 4 Exodus 3:13-15, Exodus 20:7 This is a song about the Tetragrammaton, which the American Heritage Dictionary defines as "The four Hebrew letters usually transliterated as YHWH or JHVH, used as a biblical proper name for God." Bible translations such as the King James Version and the New International Version represent it with the word "LORD" in all capitals. Karl and I first talked about doing a parody of "YMCA" about this topic on a car ride back from a concert in Jumonville PA back in 1995 or '96. I think I may have gotten the ideas for "Twins Came Out" and "Naomi Gonna Be With Ruth" on the same trip. H. Belolo, J. Morali, and V. Willis One man, with the sheep he was found I said, one man, saw a bush on the mount He said, "How come it's not burnt to the ground? "Guess I need to see what's happening!" One man in a place long ago I said, one man, who for short we'll call, "Mo" He went up there, and the LORD he did find And he learned God's name for all time He spelled His name with just YHWH He spelled His name with just YHWH They have Exodus 3 -- if you plan to read more You can learn all about the Lord YHWH -- He spelled His name with just YHWH Can you guess what it means Just "I am that I am" He's the Lord God of Abraham Some men spell it L-O-R-D I said, some men use a J and a V I said, hey man, ain't no big deal to me But you've got to know just one thing: No man should take God's name in vain Cause He commands us to honor His name He's our Father, Lord and YHWH All those names work well when you pray CHORUS Back then, with the ancient Hebrews They did not have a, e, i, o s or u's And so Moses had no vowels he could buy Wheel of Fortune shows were so dry That's why sometimes there when you read You'll find capitalized letters L-O-R-D There's a place there for the YHWH You can just pronounce it Yahweh CHORUS YHWH -- the Tetragrammaton YHWH Yahweh, Yahweh it s a name of renown Yahweh, Yahweh it s a most awesome sound YHWH the highest one is YHWH No man, no man, should take God s name in vain Cause He commands us to honor His name YHWH so just go to Him

154 Smooth Grandmama Parody of "Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm, Michael Jackson Grace Period Track 5 1 Tim. 5:5, 2 Tim. 1:5 Most Christians can point to somebody in their lives who was a huge influence in bringing them to a saving faith in Christ. Sometimes it was that fanatical parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle whose faith scared you to death but they loved you to eternal life. This parody takes a humorous look at one of those situations. The original version of this song was about a girl being stalked by a man; the parody s about a guy being stalked by his grandmother, because she wants him (and her whole family) to become a Christian. It s reminiscent of Paul s quote to his disciple Timothy in 2 Tim. 1:5: I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." This is one of the biggest hits we ever had, and it hit the top 25 on the national Christian rock charts. It was even given its own entry on Wikipedia! I originally considered making this song about David & Goliath and calling it "Smooth Skimming Stones," but thankfully, I wasn't satisfied with that. Besides, we already had a few songs about that story. Once I got the "Smooth Grandmama" theme, the ideas started pouring out. I played Karl what I had written and he loved it, and said, "Make sure you get 'chocolate' and 'Ben Gay" in there someplace." Michael Jackson As he came up to the window, heard the sound of Barry Manilow He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay and the chocolate She was sitting at the table, he could see she had a Bible So she ran into the bedroom, got her teeth down and her perfume Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny? (4X) Granny's not an old maid, she's a zealot with a bold faith She's a kind-hearted widow and she bought you a Nintendo, last week You came into her apartment, left the mudstains on the carpet And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby Granny causes road rage in the slow lanes, she's no Andretti Granny's got the whole day to go pray for all her family You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama So she came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made Then the book of Revelation was the topic of conversation Granny says, you know, babe, the Lord says in verse 3:20 He's standing at the doorway, so don't waste a moment, honey And you gotta go pray or else, babe, He won't gain entry Then you told her OK, I want saved, I'll go pray, Granny Granny told you, OK, first you tell Him that you're sorry Believe He died for your sins, though And accept Him and repento -- Whammy! He came into your heart then, you were prostrate on the carpet Then she ran you to the next room You were sat down, there was more food Granny karaokes to old tapes of Sandi Patty You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama Granny had a roast made and potatoes that were homemade And she buys Poppin' Fresh Dough So she baked you some crescent rolls, man, eat! You came into her apartment, and the blessings only started And then your Granny took and fed you You were stuffed now; it was her food Granny brought you cold grapes and poached eggs and bowls of candy Granny brought you milkshakes and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy Granny's artichokes make your throat gag so don't take any And before you go, babe, you must take a roast beef sandwich

155 The Devil Went Down to Jordan Parody of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by Charlie Daniels Grace Period Track 6 Matt. 4:1-11 In the original song we spoofed here, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," I always felt like the devil won. Sure, he might have lost the fiddle competition with Johnny, but he won the war, because Johnny was even more proud and arrogant at the end than he was at the beginning. That's not how you beat the devil. This parody tells the famous story of Jesus being tempted by the devil in the wilderness. The devil tried to appeal to Jesus' pride, but, unlike Johnny, Jesus didn't take the bait. He always appealed to the authority of Scripture when he answered the devil. Even when the devil tried taking the Bible out of context, Jesus put it back in context. Our parody is called "The Devil Went Down to Jordan," because Jesus was "led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil" right after being baptized in the Jordan. This song was originally slated for the "Jesus Christ Morningstar" CD, but we didn't have a fiddle player at the time. We still didn't have one when we recorded the track for "Grace Period" in 2002, but Pittsburgh native John Parrendo of the country band Blackhawk graciously guest starred for us. The fiddler featured on our "Hits: The Road" version is none other than ApologetiX keyboardist Bill "Wild Thing" Hubauer. J. T. Crain Jr., W. J. DiGregorio, F. L. Edwards, C. F. Hayward, J.W. Marshall, and C. Daniels The devil went down to the Jordan He was lookin' for a show to steal He was in a bind 'cause Jesus came to find The people willing to make it real And he came upon the Son of Man Saw He had no vittles and was prayin' to God Then the devil jumped upon the chance to tempt Him Said "Boy, let me tell ya, it's hot!" "I guess you didn't know it but I'm a vittle craver too "And kid I'm scared this desert air might get the best of you "Now you ain't been eatin' your vittles boy "But, kid, your dinner is due "So if you're really God's son, then turn these stones To bread and I'll butter it for you." The Lord said, "I am hungry, but that would be a sin "Cause it ain't by bread man's gonna be fed "But by the Word God's given him." John the Baptist washed the Lord and there's where it all starts Cause Jesus left the Jordan and the devil hit Him hard And if He wins we get to walk on Heaven's streets of gold But if He sins, the devil gets your soul The devil took Him up in space and said, "Christ, start to throw "Yourself off of this temple top as I'm watchin' from below "Cause I'm sure You know that God will bring All His angels to assist And then men would believe that You're Him If they saw You did something like this" When the devil finished, Jesus said "Well, you're temptin' God, old son And it's written down in that book right there That thing shouldn't ever be done Shout from the mountain what God's done The devil ain't a match for the rising Son You can never tempt God, did you not know Man, he doesn't live by bread alone The devil finally said, "Jesus, if You'll just worship me Then I ll give you gold that glitters All these crowns, and all You see" Jesus said, "Devil, just turn on back Cause I'm never gonna buy your scam I love God too much, I'm gonna resist I'd suggest you'd better scram!" And we say CHORUS

156 Drop of Lucifer Parody of "Drops of Jupiter" by Train Grace Period Track 7 1 Tim. 3:6; Rev. 12:7-12, 20:2,10; Ezekiel 28:1-19; Isaiah 14:12-15; 2 Cor. 11:14; Zech. 3:1-2; Job 1:6-12, 2:1-7; John 8:4, 10:10, 12:31, 14:30, 16:33; Gen. 3:1-5, 14-15, Romans 16:20, 1 John 4:4 No, we re not talking about adding a drop of Lucifer to a recipe, we re talking about the fall (drop) of Satan as described in Isaiah 14, Ezekiel 28 and the book of Revelation. I don t like to bring too much attention to the devil, but there are two songs about him on the "Grace Period" CD, and I hope both of them will help the listener to understand what the Bible says about him. The bad news is he is for real, he is a person, and he comes to kill, steal and destroy. The good news is that God is infinitely more powerful than the devil, who is only a created person, so it s not some yin-yang thing. The devil can only do what God permits him to do, and God has already shown us what the outcome is going to be in Revelation. He isn t even around for the last two chapters of the Bible! He s already in the Lake of Fire by then. I remember getting the idea for this song on a band trip to Kansas. Charlie Colin, Rob Hotchkiss, Pat Monahan, Jimmy Stafford and Scott Underwood Now that he's back in the atmosphere the drop of Lucifer is severe He acts like somehow his worldwide reign Reminds him of his diamond days Till the return of the Way and the Truth He's livin' like a king and he talks like it too Tell me, are you sad you crossed the Son Did you fake it so the millions may believe Your light's not faded and that Heaven is overrated Tell me, did you fall like a shooting star One day you'll be burning in fire I'm glad you missed me while you were booking your hotel down there Now Christ came back with our soul salvation Saving the day to your consternation I checked out Romans, found He loves my soul Reminds me that He's assumed control Now that He's back and the coast is clear I'm afraid that we might think of you as A plain old angel you're scarier than that Though I'm not afraid to die still the devil's pretty bad But tell me, did your sin sweep you off your seat Did you finally face the fact you'll stand alone in latter days Get paid back for your filthy ways Tell me, did Jesus blow your mind? Did you ever think He wanted to die? I read your history while I was lookin' at 14:12 in Isaiah I do imagine you love tryin' to deep-fry Christians You get them always slippin' up for you Even when they know you're wrong But you're no match for that verse 10:8,9 Romans Find out from Revelation You'll get yours later but you're never havin' me But tell me, did your sin sweep you off your seat Did you finally get the chance to glance at all the Bible says Will happen to you anyway Tell me, are you sad you crossed the Son Did you make it through the gilded page to see your final fate in Chapter 20 in Revelation Tell me, did you fall like a shooting star One day now the serpent gets squashed In Romans 16 verse 20 lookee for yourself And did you finally get the chance to check Ezekiel 28 And did you fall like a shooting star, fall like a shooting star And now you're only booking your hotel down there

157 Born Above Parody of "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen Grace Period Track 8 John 3:3 Judging by the titles of Bruce Springsteen's two biggest albums, you could say he s been born twice ("Born to Run" and "Born in the USA"), although not quite the way we re singing about in this song. Born Above is the story of Nicodemus and his conversation with Jesus, as related in John 3:1-21, in which Jesus told Nicodemus "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." If you have a Bible with notes, it may tell you that the phrase born again can also be translated born from above. The New Geneva Study Bible says, It is possible that both meanings are intended a new birth that is a birth from above. Bruce Springsteen In the day he went about on the streets Doing run of the mill Pharisee things At night he met with his master, the Lord, he said Show us what You mean I'm a sage but You're highly divine Your wisdom's respected and second-to-none, top of the line Oh -- Jesus said, Now, if you're born from above You can get that -- you can go where I'm at You gotta get it while you're young 'Cause you can't find much, baby till you're born above That's what He told Him Yeah, He said to Him, you gotta be born again If you want God to increase your vision Just like the wind blows just where it wills The same thing happens to Christians You never see it make its path -- yet somehow you know Baby, whenever it blows past Oh -- will you walk with Me out on the water? Cause baby I can prepare you to know the Father If you wanna know, here's the deal: You must become a little child If you wanna know that God is real Oh, let Me show you Beyond this planet, Heaven's got a home Seems like it's really far The world's not aware but it's really near And they don't have to look so hard The amusing part is the door's in your heart It's just somehow out of reach in your midst You gotta die with Me daily or you wait to die And get everlasting death The highway's jammed with folks whose steering's Gonna get them burned alive Well, everybody wants on the road to God But there's no way there but Mine Together, Nicky, we can live at this address I'll scrub you of all the badness in your soul Someday when you're born again You're gonna get to that place you really wanna go And you'll walk with the Son But till then -- can't find much baby till you're born above Uh, buddy -- can't find much baby till you're born above C'mon with Me -- can't find much baby till you're born above

158 Follow Me Parody of "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker Grace Period Track 9 Matthew 4:18-22, 8:19-22, 9:9, 10:38, 16:24, 19:21; Mark 1:16-20, 2:14, 8:34, 10:21; Luke 5:27, 9:23, 9:59-62, 14:27, 18:22, John 1:43, 10:27, 12:26, 13:36-38, 21:19-22 One of the simplest and yet hardest commands Jesus ever gave His disciples was follow Me. Sure it was easy enough for the disciples to follow Him through Galilee, but the road got harder as it led to Jerusalem and, ultimately, to Calvary. According to what we know from church history, all of Jesus original 12 Apostles were martyred, except for Judas, who committed suicide, and John, who still got banished to the isle of Patmos for a while. However, the Bible only officially records the death of the first apostle to be martyred, John s brother, James. Isn t it ironic that both James and John came to Jesus and asked to sit beside Him in His kingdom (Mark 10:35-40), and yet they took very different paths as they followed Christ -- one of them was the first Apostle to die as a martyr (James was put to death by the sword) whereas the other one was the last Apostle to die, at a very ripe old age of natural causes? The Bible doesn t spend much time discussing James martyrdom one verse (Acts 12:2). We decided to write a song from James perspective, speculating on what might have been going through his mind while he was in jail, facing death at the hands of King Herod Agrippa I. We don t know for sure that James was held in jail before his execution, but that s a pretty fair guess, seeing as Agrippa I captured Peter soon after with the intention of executing him and yet kept him in prison first (Peter was rescued by an angel while awaiting execution.) Herod s father, Herod Antipas, also kept John the Baptist in jail before beheading him. I don't like using the same title as the original when I write a parody, but this one fell in place too easily to pass it up. M. Shafer and M. Bradford You don't know how He met me -- You don't know why You can't turn around my faith in Christ Long ago I went-a fishin' one day at sea He said to me, James, try some fishin' for Me And if You want to leave life in Galilee You know I'll go gladly just like Thee I'm not worried 'bout the king out there Cause the Lord has got my soul and my body don't care You feel I'm guilty and I'm well aware A funeral's booked for James but baby I'm not scared He told me, Follow Me, and I said, Jesus, all right I'll be the one to trust You with his life And if You're gonna be fightin' Pharisees You know I'll go gladly just like Thee Forgive me, Mama, I can't kiss you goodbye You're better off if you don't drop by I'm locked in prison; I'll soon go away Maybe they'll write of this in Acts 12 someday Follow Me, and I said, Jesus, all right I'll be the one to trust You with his life And if You want to lead to Gethsemane You know I'll go gladly just like Thee You don't know how He met me -- You don't know Christ You've captured me now and say I'll die All I know is when I've left you, I'm breaking free So cling to your vain lives, I'm itchin' to leave He told me, Follow Me, and I said, Jesus, all right I'll be the one to trust You with his life And if You want to lead up to Calvary You know I'll go gladly just like Thee He told me, Follow Me, and I said, Jesus, all right I'll be the one to trust You with his life And if You want to lead up to Calvary You know I'll go gladly just like Thee He told me, Follow Me, and I said, Jesus, all right I'll be the one to trust You with his life And if You want to lead up to Heavenly You know I'll go gladly just like Thee

159 Don't Fear the People Parody of "(Don't Fear) the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult Grace Period Track 10 Matthew 10:28, Luke 12:4,5 One of the all-time favorite parodies of ApologetiX band members and fans alike is a song called People, on our Ticked CD, which discusses the apostles and their willingness to be martyred for the cause of Christ. Our song Don t Fear the People is also about martyrdom and the willingness to stand up for your faith. I just noticed while typing this that both parodies use the word people in their titles and the original versions of both these songs were about people who weren t afraid to die, even though they had nothing to die for. Our parodies are about people who are willing to die only because they know the one Person who died and brought Himself back to life and is able to resurrect everyone who believes in Him. (John 11:25,26). The key scripture verse for this song is this quote from Jesus in Matthew 10:28: Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell. In other words, Jesus is telling us that the only person we need to fear is God. And if you have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, you don t fear Him in the sense of being afraid of Him; in this case, that fear is a reverential respect and awe for God, knowing that He is omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing) and omnipresent (all places). In that sense, the Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7). I got the lyrics for this song in the mid- 1990's, and I got chills while singing the lyrics, even back then. I couldn't wait to do it someday. It was worth the wait, though. At the time we recorded it, I had never seen the famous Saturday Night Live "Behind the Music" skit about "more cowbell," yet I distinctly remember telling Karl to make sure that the cowbell was very prominent in the mix. Donald Roeser Fallen times have come. We can't turn and run Stephen didn't fear the people, Not even when they stoned him to death We can be like he was C'mon, baby (Don't fear the people) Baby, take your stand (Don't fear the people) And be ready to die (Don't fear the people) Baby, they're just men When the fire was done, Nero burned Christians Rome of old was full of men Martyred for their Christianity (Rome of old was full of men) Although they tried they couldn't kill them anyway (Rome of old was full of men) The more that died the more that came to take their place (Read in your history book) And now the Coliseum is an empty place (We can be like they were) CHORUS Harken to the one -- who was God's own Son: Fear not man in his madness Who if he killed your body couldn't go on The Lord's the only one that you should fear The person who first put you here Who can certainly do something more severe (When you're thrown in the grave) C'mon baby (That's the one to fear) Defend the faith (Like the martyrs who died) Let's get back to the faith they had (We can become like they were) They had taken a stand (We can become like they were) C'mon baby (Don't fear the people)

160 Lemonade Parody of "Renegade" by Styx Grace Period Track 11 Romans 5:20, 8:28, 10:4, Hebrews 7:24-25, 10:1, 2 Cor. 3:6, Galatians 3:2-25 We ve all heard the old expression, When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If you can t make it yourself, God has a splendid recipe: The Bible says, Where sin abounded, grace abounded more (Romans 5:20). In other words, the more lemons we give God, the more lemonade He makes. And we have the promise of Romans 8:28 that God causes ALL things to work together for good for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. We don t always understand why certain things happen the way they do, and I m sure there are lots of questions that will remain unanswered until we get to the other side. But let s face it; none of us get the kind of punishment our sins deserve. God takes some of the crummiest things ever done and turns them into beautiful things. He took Joseph s enslavement and used it to eventually save both Israel and Egypt. He took David and Bathsheba and eventually gave them Solomon for a son and the royal line of Judah for descendants. And the greatest example of all: He took the crucifixion of His holy, sinless Son, and turned it into salvation for all who call upon His name (Romans 10:13, Acts 2:21). Oh, Mama, I've been cleared of my crimes and I'm not under the law Law has been put an end to by somethin' that is so far above it all Oh, Mama, I can hear you a-cryin', you're so scared it's all a joke Examine Romans 10 for a while and then you'll know I can't be wrong The Jesus love I knew about has finally found me Made lemonade from my mistakes -- the sweet from the soury 10 verse 4 in Romans says -- disobedience ends with faith In the Son of Man Oh, Mama, I've believed on the Lamb of God, the High Priest of My Faith God says that He s forever alive now it's for sure He'll keep me saved Dear Mama, back in Hebrews you will find it, in verse 7:24 Amen, I'm comin' out from the shadows and I don't have scary thoughts They've taken off the noose around me -- I will be found clean The reservations had been made with Jesus on Calvary Everyone has gone astray, but you can repent today If you want it man Oh, Mama, I've been cleared of my crimes cause I'm not under the law Amen, I'm comin' out from the shadows and I don't have scary thoughts Hey, check this out, removed the doubts, the Bible astounds me I read Galatians chapter 3:24 and zowie! Twenty-four and -five explain, disobedience ends with grace If you want it, man -- You want it, man? "Renegade" was sung by a character awaiting punishment for breaking the law. "Lemonade" is sung by a character who has been freed from the fear of the punishment that comes from breaking God s laws (Romans 10:4, Galatians 3:24-25). Tommy Shaw

161 How You Rewind Me Parody of "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback Grace Period Track 12 Philipp. 1:6; Rom , 8:18-19; Heb. 6:9-10, 13:5; Prov. 24:16, James 3:2; Lam. 3:22-23; Psalm 136; Isaiah 1:18, 43:25; Matt. 18:21-22, Luke 17:4 This song deals with our constant battle with sin (yes, even after we re born again) and lists some of my favorite scripture verses dealing with the topic (Isaiah 1:18, 43:25; Lamentations 3:22-23, Philippians 1:6, and the magnificent Romans chapter 7, in which we get a close-up view of the struggles that the Apostle Paul faced). I ve heard a few preachers say that although God asks us to present our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1), the problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the altar! Thankfully, even though we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2), God does something to us when we re born again that just won t let us go on sinning (1 John 3:9), so although we fall, there s always something (and Someone) inside of us that s picking us back up and putting us back on course again. God calls us to be holy because He is holy, so we try to live right, but thankfully we are not saved by our good works (Eph. 2:8-9) nor can we maintain that salvation by our good works it is the gift of God. I love the way Jesus told His disciples (and us) in Luke 17:4 that if someone sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says I repent, forgive him. If God has those kind of standards regarding forgiveness for us, just imagine the standards He has for Himself! I wrote this parody in January 2002, and we started performing it very soon thereafter. I think the first time was someplace in Missouri. After "Grace Period," we rerecorded the vocals in a rougher style for single release. That was my idea, but in retrospect, I like the album version better. Chad Kroeger I never made it as a lineman I couldn't cut it as a Pittsburgh Steeler I'm tired of losin' all the time, man But sin keeps sendin' my defenses reelin' And this is how You rewind me This is how You rewind me up when I'm really bad This is how You rewind me up when I'm really bad I'm not like You -- I'm so sorry The world's waitin' on a distant glory Each time I'm mistaken Lord thanks to You I'm not forsaken And I've been wrong; I've been down But through the problems and every battle These five words in my head scream "But He isn't done yet" Yet, yet, yet, oh no, yet, yet, yet, oh no It's not like I didn't know better I still don't want to do the things I still do It must have been Romans 7 Cause livin' in me is the sin that killed You And this is how You rewind me up when I'm really bad This is how You rewind me up when I'm really bad Seems all I do is say I'm sorry You're Word's waiting with forgiveness for me It's time I put faith in 3:22 in Lamentations And I've been wrong, You bent down And turned the bottomless pits to potholes These five words in my head scream "But He isn't done yet" Yet, yet, yet, oh no, yet, yet, yet, oh no I never made it as a nice man I could be counted as the poor in spirit And this is how You designed me This is how You refine me This is how You rewind me up when I'm really bad This is how You rewind me up when I'm really bad You blot out my sins - Isaiah 43 And 1:18 -- Your forgiveness floors me This time I'm just beggin' Lord can You cure my heart's frustration? And I've been wrong, I've been down But soon my problems are getting smaller These five words in my head scream "But He isn't done yet" Yet, yet, but He isn't done yet, Yet, yet, in Philippians 1:6

162 Regeneration Parody of "My Generation" by The Who Grace Period Track 13 Titus 3:5, John 3:3, 1 Peter 1:23 From fifth grade through high school, I was a very avid collector of comic books. In fact, I traded some of them to get the money for my first electric guitar. I loved reading about the origins of famous superheroes and supervillains. One of my favorites was the origin of one of Spiderman s oldest foes, the Lizard. He was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sort of guy. In this case, Dr. Jekyll was Dr. Curt Conners, a one-armed scientist who experimented with lizards in hopes of replicating their amazing powers of regeneration (the ability to grow new limbs). His experiments ultimately did grow him a new arm, but at the cost of turning him into a malicious Mr. Hyde-type reptilian humanoid known as the Lizard. In this song, we are indeed talking about regeneration, but not that type, although the regeneration the Bible speaks of in Titus 3:5 does indeed turn us into new creatures/creations (2 Cor. 5:17). We re talking about the regeneration of hearts (Ezekiel 11:19, 18:31, 36:26). "My Generation" was the song that turned me on to the Who, who would go on to be one of my favorite bands. I first heard it on a classic rock station my sophomore or junior year in high school, and I thought it was just about the coolest thing I'd ever heard. I used to have an inflatable guitar I would smash against the floor when ApologetiX played this live. Pete Townshend People try to put us down (Talkin' 'bout regeneration) Just because we're heaven-bound (Talkin' 'bout...) They may stew and scoff and scold (Talkin' 'bout...) I know I'll die with a born-again soul (Talkin' 'bout...) This is regeneration -- this is regeneration, baby Who don't you all find the Way (Talkin' 'bout regeneration) And go to Titus 3:5 and see what it says (Talkin' 'bout...) I'm not talkin' 'bout artificial resuscitation (Talkin' 'bout...) Just talkin' 'bout re-generation This is regeneration -- this regeneration, baby Who don't you all find the Way (Talkin' 'bout regeneration) What John chapter 3 verse 3 does say (Talkin' 'bout...) And First Peter 1:23 says the same thing (Talkin' 'bout...) It's just talkin' 'bout regeneration (Talkin' 'bout...) This is regeneration -- this regeneration, baby Re-re-re-re-re-generation If you're tired of puttin' us down (Talkin' 'bout regeneration) And you wanna be heaven-bound (Talkin' 'bout...) Here's what to do to save your soul (Talkin' 'bout...) Put hope in Christ before you get old (Talkin' 'bout...) This is regeneration -- this regeneration, baby Re-re-re-re-re-generation This is not imagination -- this is not exaggeration This is not meditation -- this is not vegetation Hope you got reservations -- please do not change the station

163 Love the Jews Parody of "Love Me Do" by The Beatles Grace Period Track 14 Romans 9-11, Psalm 122:6 One of the most horrible tragedies in history is the persecution of Jews that has been done (and still is done by some anti- Semitic groups) in the name of Christianity. Of course, so-called Christians (I say that because a real Christian following Jesus and the New Testament s instruction shouldn t be persecuting Jewish people) aren t the only group to persecute the Jews, but that is no excuse. Christians worship Jesus Christ, who came to Earth as a Jew. All of the original Apostles were Jews. Twenty-five of the 27 books of the New Testament were written by Jews. And God has not abandoned His chosen people, the Jews, as is evidenced by Paul s comments in Romans 9:1-5, 10:11 and 11:1-5 among others. God loves the Jews -- You know I have proof Our Lord was one too -- So please love the Jews John was a Jew -- and Mark and Matthew They all were but Luke -- So please love the Jews Someone may want -- some Bible proof -- Romans 10:1, 11:2 James was a Jew -- Peter and Andrew And Bartholomew -- So please love the Jews Paul was a Jew -- Read Romans 9:2 The whole way straight through verse 3... love the Jews God is not finished with the Jewish people. As Romans 11:25-26 says I do not want you to be ignorant of this mystery, brothers, so that you may not be conceited: Israel has experienced a hardening in part until the full number of the Gentiles has come in. And so all Israel will be saved, as it is written: The deliverer will come from Zion; he will turn godlessness away from Jacob. In fact, there are many Jewish people who are giving their hearts to Christ in our times. Before I moved to Pittsburgh, I was a member of a church where one of the pastors was also a messianic Jew. In fact, we even know one Jewish person who says God used our parody "Life Restored" to bring him to Christ. This was one of the most effortless lyricwriting experiences I ever had. It was like God plopped it down into my lap. I was upstairs in my bedroom putting clothes in my dresser when the inspiration hit. John Lennon & Paul McCartney

164 Good Guys, Bad Guys Parody of "Good Times, Bad Times" by Led Zeppelin Grace Period Track 15 1 & 2 Kings Two of my favorite books of the Bible are 1 and 2 Kings. No, I m not kidding. Those books fascinate me, starting with Solomon s ascension to the throne to the split of the kingdom under Solomon s son, Rehoboam, into two kingdoms, Israel (the northern kingdom) and Judah (the southern kingdom). All of Israel s kings from that point on were bad, worshipping calf gods that Jeroboam made and then getting into Baal worship under Ahab and Jezebel. Judah s dynasty, however, was mixed with both good guys (like Hezekiah and Josiah) and bad guys (like Manasseh and Amon), all of whom descended from King David. One thing that changed my perspective on those books and 1 and 2 Chronicles was when I wrote a song to help myself remember all the kings of Judah in chronological order. So many of them have similar names that it s hard to keep them straight, but the song cleared that up for me. It was actually one of the very first Christian parodies I ever wrote, way back in 1990, I think. I ve tweaked it a lot since then for the version on "Grace Period" (it used to be called "Good Kings Bad Kings"). We used to do "Good Times Bad Times" in my very first rock band, Terminal, back in high school. Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham In the days of my youth I was shown all the kings Judea had And now I teach that age I try to review all those kings the best I can So gather round I'll try to find my way through the names of them Good guys, bad guys, old Judah had her share 20 rulers had the throne after Solomon And I'll tell you all the people there Rehoboam, he's the guy who started it off With Abijah, and Asa makes three Jehosophat, Jehoram, Ahaziah, Athaliah -- she's the wicked queen Then Joash, Amaziah, Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz then Good Hezekiah, wicked Manasseh and Amon I'm not done with 'em yet... ahhh Good guys, bad guys, then Josiah and his heirs That's Jehoahaz, Jehoiakim, Jehoiachin, Zedekiah, see, we're there! Good guys, bad guys, you know what happened there When a good one left the throne for the Promised Land Then a villain seized the chair I know one more king you need to know I'm sure you guessed that on your own Now, I don't care what the papers say Christ's king of the Jews, and each and every place You're gonna feel the need within your heart You and I need sweet baby need to get the Son of God

165 Flurry Parody of "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd Grace Period Track 16 Psalm 19:1-6; Romans 1:18-25, 2:14-15; Isaiah 1:18 I once heard a pastor preach about how snowflakes don t seem to weigh anything, but when a bunch of them pile up, they can get very heavy and bend or break the branches off trees. He said that God sends snowflakes (the evidence of Him) into our lives one by one until we either bend (ignore the evidence) or break (come to Him for salvation). I ve always liked that analogy, and I can see many snowflakes (people, occurrences, coincidences, ) that happened in my life before I finally became a born again Christian. But the snow started falling early in my life. God sends snow like that into all of our lives. The Bible says that the atheists and agnostics have no excuse, because the majesty and complexity of all creation proves that there is a God: Romans 1:18-20 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. Psalm 19:1-4 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. God also has given us a conscience, that tells us that certain things are right and wrong, as it says in Romans 2: In addition to the witnesses of creation and conscience, God has given the world His Word, the Bible, as the best selling and most published book of all time. He has also given the world missionaries and the testimonies of ordinary believers in Jesus Christ. All of these things combine to make an avalanche of snow. Will you break or only bend? Wesley Scantlin & Doug Ardito Everything's snow flurries and everyone's snow flakes Whatever God has sent you as evidence that snow adds up It all combines and now you cannot lift it off Like a branch you're bound to somehow bend or fall You can read in Romans 1 -- you can read 19 You know our eyes detect Him from all that we have seen I wonder what you're doin' -- imagine there's no God This notion seems ingenius but that's not very smart Can you fake it all away, can you shake it all away When it's shoveled in your face, as plain as it can be Can't explain it all away, unless your brain's evolved away Well it doesn't take much faith Everyone is straying -- they won't accept God's real They make up their own ethics depending on just how they feel But I am shocked at how you cannot hear that call While the world around you shouts out there's a God And you can read the Psalms once, you can read 19 I know that God will save you so won't you please come clean And Romans chapter 2 says no matter where you are Your conscience bears me witness Cause God's law's there in your heart Can't explain it all away, can't explain it all away When it's shoveled in your face, as plain as it can be Can't explain it all away, has your brain evolved away? Well it doesn't take much faith -- it's plain as it can be Nobody goes to God and shouts "Nobody told me" judgment day In the Word showed you where to turn Showed you with the stuff He made Folks that He showed you testified Don't forget what your conscience said Every way showed you where to turn Showed you yet you ran away CHORUS

166 Tom Saw Ya Parody of "Tom Sawyer" by Rush Grace Period Track 17 John 20:24-29, Psalm 16:8-11 One of the most powerful moments in the Bible for me is when the Apostle Thomas finally sees the risen Christ in John 20. You remember the story: Jesus had appeared to the disciples on Sunday, but Thomas hadn t been there, and he didn t believe the other disciples when they told him that Jesus had risen and appeared to them. In fact, he said he wouldn t believe unless he actually got to see the nail marks and put his fingers in them and put his hand into Christ s wounded side. A week later, Jesus appeared again to His disciples, this time with Thomas present, and invited Thomas to see and touch for himself. Can you imagine how stunned Thomas must have been? All he could say was My Lord and my God! He wasn t swearing, either; he was acknowledging Christ as both his Lord and God. But we still call him doubting Thomas, even though the Bible shows that he was willing to risk his life for Christ even before the resurrection (John 11:8,16) and history shows that he went on to become a great missionary for the early church before finally being martyred. We wanted to capture that powerful moment when Thomas saw the risen Christ with a parody of a powerful song. On Monday he wouldn't trust we'd seen Christ Today Tom saw Your spear-pierced side Though his mind was not convinced He couldn't doubt the evidence He observed Your side and hands Finding out the way we did, You're risen! What You prayed about has come to be It's what King David said in Psalm 16 Christ is risen; that's no myth -- Just a mystery that's legit The world says, the world says love and life are cheap Maybe now the price will rise Today Tom saw Ya, he set eyes on You And the face he just made -- it was quite a view Thomas tried to talk and yet "My Lord and God" was all he said All he hoped for had just commenced He knows graves are not permanent -- but grace is! And One You say's about to comfort me Though some will say we lack sobriety: That's the witness, that's the gift, that's the Spirit, class dismissed The world is, the world is lost and like a sheep They that have the Christ are wise Exit the Lord and yet today Tom saw Ya He set eyes on You and he'll never be the same He'll get right onto the mission of the faith I wrote this parody in 2002, but back in , I considered going in a totally different direction with this song and calling it "Top Lawyers." On a humorous note, I originally wrote a spoof of this song back in 1981, about a friend of mine who was hooked on chewing tobacco. Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart & Pye Dubois

167 Sufferin' Just Finished (Haman) Parody of "Suffragette City" by David Bowie Grace Period Track 18 The Book of Esther The choruses of this song focus on Esther, and God s deliverance of the Jews through her, but the verses are all about the villain of that story, Haman. Although the Book of Esther never mentions God by name, His presence is apparent in the miraculous deliverance of the Jews from Haman s plans and the fact that Esther asked the Jews to fast for three days for her (Esther 4:16) and that Mordecai told her that relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews, whether Esther intervened or not. I remember working on this song during my break times when I working at Equitable Gas in Pittsburgh PA in the mid-1990's. I love the way the final production turned out on the CD. David Bowie Haman, oh, he was the one, you know Haman, who wouldn't let us alone -- I got to Say man, that guy would spit in my face That fellow was sick; he could've wiped out our race Haman, was cruel and insane -- Haman, he was kind of vain Haman, conceived a terrible plan But Esther was the queen and then she... avenged it So hang it on Haman cause his plan was surely wicked I'm glad our sufferin' just finished That mean, grumpy man was an ancient kind of bigot But now our sufferin' just finished Cause genocide -- is not right Haman -- oh when he saw Mordecai, he say Hey, man, I can't wait till he dies, O.K. Haman -- said "Jews, they won't last here" He thought that Jews were scum, but Esther's one, so he's done So hang it on Haman cause his plan was surely wicked I'm glad our sufferin' just finished Cause the queen took a stand Cause this ain't no time for chickens I'm glad she's lovely and pretty -- and Mordecai -- is all right Oh Esther! So hang it on Haman cause his plan was surely wicked I'm glad our sufferin' just finished That mean, grumpy man was an ancient kind of bigot I'm glad our sufferin' just finished Yeah the king caught Haman and his end was sorta sickenin' He had to punish him quickly Yeah, the queen took a stand Cause this ain't no time for chickens I'm glad she's lovely and pretty cause genecide -- is not right Our sufferin' just finished, our sufferin' just finished Don't forget! Ahhh, Wham bam hang Haman! Our sufferin' just finished, our sufferin' just finished Don't forget!

168 Smells Like Thirtysomething Spirit Parody of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana Grace Period Track 19 Psalm 22:3, 118:24, Isaiah 40:31, Jer. 29:11, Philipp. 4:6-8 Simply put, Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" totally changed pop music and pop culture at the threshold of the 1990 s. Whatever your feelings for this song, it was the death knell for the 80s hair bands, the New Kids on the Block and Vanilla Ice and a jump start for the alternative rock, the flannel shirt industry and the Seattle Chamber of Commerce. We ve already commented on the tragic death of Nirvana's lead singer, Kurt Cobain, in Young As You Are on our Ticked CD. This parody isn t meant to put down his life or his work but rather to comment on people who deliberately choose to use this type of music as a soundtrack for a perpetually pessimistic lifestyle. The older you get, the older THAT gets. One of the other members of that band, Dave Grohl, moved on to further fame in the Foo Fighters, and every time I see him on TV, he s got a grin on his face. I thought it would be nice to see more alternative-rock fans/bands follow suit. The Bible tells us this is the day that the Lord has made and that we should rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24). Sometimes, that s easier said than done. But the interesting thing is that as you say it (thank and praise God), it does become easier to do it (change your attitude and begin to appreciate the good things even in the midst of a trying day). It s summed up with these autobiographical lyrics from our parody s second verse Now, worship s not what I do best; it s hardest if I feel depressed; but when I do exalt His name, it always helps to kill the pain. Kurt Cobain Load up on grunge and be depressed It s fun to do for two minutes There s no award for self absorbed Before you know you re 34 You re old, you re old, you re old, how old Man, it s nice out, and this day is Made by God now, celebrate it Life is too brief, let s complain less You Nirvana imitators Look at Dave Grohl, for example Now he s cheerful, like the Beatles yeah! Now worship s not what I do best It s hardest if I feel depressed But when I do exalt His name It always helps to kill the pain Hallel, hallel, hallel, hallel We re alive now, and this day is Made by God now, and we re plain blessed Don t be stupid couch potatoes You re not Elvis in Las Vegas Try to not go avocado Try to be mo jalapeno yeah! And I forget things while I praise Oh, yeah, His blessings make me smile I ve found it s hard it s hard to whine And yell with Heaven on mind Hallel, hallel, hallel, hallel When we re wiped out, and this day gets Very hard now, and it drains us I ve read through this in Isaiah Wait on God now, and He ll take us From the bottom of the barrel To the ski slopes, fly like eagles Jeremiah 29 the leventh line does Let us smile cause better times are set to find us Never mind Doug, Wendy Whiner get on fire!

169 Baa! We're Lambs Parody of "Barbara Ann" by Beach Boys Grace Period Track 20 Psalm 23, John 10:1-30, Matt. 25:31-46, Heb. 13:20, 1 Peter 2:25, 5:4, Luke 10:3 Everybody out there knows the famous opening line of the 23rd Psalm, The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Speaking as a person whose owned both sheep and goats (check out the photo on the inside of the "Jesus Christ Morningstar CD booklet), it s not as easy to keep sheep in line as you might think (Goats, much to my surprise, were a cinch.) I remember chasing my first sheep, Sparky, for a long time all over the place MANY times to try and get him where he needed to be. But that s nothing compared to how hard and how often God has had to chase me to get me where I needed to be. This song is one of our silliest endeavors, but it s also one of our most-beloved parodies. I knew it would be popular with kids when I wrote it back in the mid-1990's, but I also figured it would take a few years to convince the guys in the band that we should do it. We deliberately put it last on "Grace Period" so people would know that we realized how silly it was. When I was listening to the playback of the "Grace Period" CD for the first time, I forgot about this song, so when it came on last, it really cracked me up. I couldn't believe how nicely it turned out. A couple other independent Christian groups I know of have covered this song. That was a real kick, and they've both done great jobs. Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa I'm a lamb -- in God's hand -- I'm a lamb He's got a flock of lambs who know Him Robbers cannot steal 'em from His hand Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs Went through the fence, lookin' for some friends God saw me scram so He brought me back again Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand You got to follow where He's goin' God'll take you in the Promised Land CHORUS Tried many moves -- Tried getting loose Tried petting zoos but I knew they wouldn't do Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand You got to follow where He's goin' God'll take you in the Promised Land Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs CHORUS Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs... The first parody I ever heard of this song was on Welcome Back, Kotter. Remember that one? Fred Fassert

170 Adam Up 2003 Although over two thirds of the 500-plus parodies we ve written are still waiting to be recorded, it seems we seldom venture into the vault when we re selecting songs for a fresh parody project. This CD is a prime example; we started almost totally from scratch. Consequently, we didn t know exactly what kind of theme would develop until we had rough ideas for all of the parodies. When the dust cleared, we noticed that two of the most powerful new songs had something (or somebody) in common Adam. One told the story of Adam and Eve and the other the story of Cain and Abel, but both were told from Adam s perspective. Those stories have been told so many times that it s easy to sleepwalk through them when you re reading Genesis, consequently missing the fact that they re true stories about real people. But they are indeed real people. The Apostle Paul speaks about Adam as a real person and not a symbolic figure (Romans 5:14, 1 Corinthians 15:22-45, 1 Timothy 2:13-14), as does Jude (Jude 1:14) and the Gospel of Luke traces Jesus genealogy back to Adam and his son Seth (Luke 3:38). Paul also mentions Eve in 2 Corinthians 11:3 and 1 Timothy 2:13. Jesus Himself speaks about Abel (Matthew 23:35, Luke 11:51), as does the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews (Hebrews 11:4, 12:24), who also mentions Cain (Hebrews 11:4) as do John and Jude ( 1 John 3:12, Jude 1:11). Having Adam give a play-by-play account of those two famous events really seemed to add something special to the songs and the entire project. With that in mind, it seemed appropriate to get Adam s name in the title. This CD features a large variety of Biblical characters from Adam up to the Apostles, in fact, everyone from Adam up to people today. All the previous ApologetiX projects have discussed both Old and New Testament characters and themes, but this is the first one that went from Adam up, hence the name. On a more humorous note, we ve released so many CDs over the years, it s getting hard for our feeble minds to remember just how many we have, especially if you count the Christmas EP CD, let alone the numerous studio and live cassettes we released in the early 1990 s that are now (and forever) out of print, even though some of our diehard fans insist on including them in discographies on their websites :) So what number album or CD is this for us? Depends on your criteria for counting. The group Chicago cornered the market on albums named after numerals long ago. Now if somebody asks about this one, we can just say, Add em up. Of course, we ll spell it Adam Up. It won t be the first time ApologetiX spelled something differently, will it?

171 We're in a Parody Band Parody of "We're an American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad Adam Up Track 1 Proverbs 17:22, 1 Corinthians 1:27, 9:22; 1 Peter 3:15; Romans 12:2 In contrast to Grand Funk s original story about decadence on the road, this song relates the often-humorous experiences of being in Christian music s parody band. It also introduces the listener to the individual members of ApologetiX. ApologetiX originally performed a totally different parody of this song in called "He's a Samaritan Man." I got the idea to spoof it again as an ApologetiX theme song called "We're in a Parody Band" while driving to and from Monroeville PA in November Much of the lyrics to the first verse were written while I was driving to a concert in Punxsutawney PA in February Karl suggested the line "we're here to share with the fans," replacing the other options of "we're in a rarity band" or "we ain't a Pharisee band." Don Brewer I went and wrote some parodies Karl tried a little rock, put me on a stage Keith sleeps comedy, we threw him in the act Bill adds some more soul and has a knack for chat We're all four guys with many dreams But God can help you focus these things Music lyrics we rewrite As long as we can take a tune and show the light We're in a parody band We're here to share with the fans We've got a two-part style We'll tell you part's Weird Al The other part's Billy Graham Four Aquafinas and soda pop We're waiting for the van to return from the shop Philadelphia late at night its battery died The hotel we slept in it was highly priced Now seeing as I'm waiting, I have a plan Would you like to meet the boys in the band I'm J. Karl's the dude with the guitar on And we've got Keith on the bass and Bill on drums We're in a parody band We're in a terrible van We're comin to your town And if your car breaks down We're good Samaritans, man We're in a parody band The Bible's there in your hand You're thumbin' through yours now We'll help you start it out With a one-year reading plan We're in a parody band We're into prayer and defense We're from a two-sport town Three if the Pirates count It's just so rare that we win We're in a parody band We're at a charity dance We're only two doors down We know it's Shark Week now But please come there if you can We re in a parody band whoo! We re in Bob Flaherty s band whoo! Will this hilarity end whoo!

172 Lifestyles of the Rich & Nameless Parody of "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" by Good Charlotte Adam Up Track 2 Luke 12:16-21, 16:19-31, 18:18-30; 1 Timothy 6:6-10; Matthew 6:19-21,19:16-30; Mark 10:17-30; Proverbs 16:8, 22:1; John 12:8; Galatians 2:10;James 2:5-6, The parable of Lazarus and the rich man, who Jesus chose to remain nameless. The idea for the title came first in January The second half of the lyrics on the way home from a San Diego trip in June 2003, in the rental car, in the airport and on the plane. Benji Madden & Joel Madden I know a scene you ought to see I read it in Luke 16 So let me be I wanna set the scene A wealthy dude his name s unknown inside his sprawling home Stuffing his mouth with that life of ease While Lazarus is thin and weak, down the driveway on the street I don t think he will survive If he could get that nameless dude to feed him some leftover food He d take the crumbs now as they d fall, if they would fall Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless The solid gold bracelets don t make you blameless His money is not the problem He forgot Lazarus; Think Jesus saw them Did you know the rich and nameless dude eventually died And when he woke up things were on the fiery side With Lazarus across the chasm and Abraham talked to him He said, You know it s really hot in here, my throat is cracked Send Lazarus to me, O Father Abraham He can always just run some water down to me I d like to help you get a drink, Abraham said, Honestly, I don t think that would suffice But he s already paid his dues Now he is somewhere else than you You think that s someone else s fault? Maybe not Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless They re always so shameless God plays no favorites It s funny yet such a shocker How he demanded, Bring me some water! Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless The one with no status God made so famous It s funny to watch the process Because somebody prosperous He made anonymous Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless Designer clothes get spots and holes; Let s shop at Payless Lifestyles of the rich and nameless Lights out for the rich and nameless Find out what 2:16 James says

173 Boy Tell the World Parody of "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night Adam Up Track 3 Jeremiah 32:12-16, 36:4-32, 43:1-7, 45:1-5 Before Three Dog Night turned him into a bullfrog, Jeremiah was best known as a prophet of God. This song tells about Jeremiah from the perspective of his scribe, Baruch. One of the bands that had the greatest influence on ApologetiX in the early days was Three Dog Night. Some of the first Christian parodies J. ever wrote were parodies of the Three Dog Night hits "Joy to the World," "Never Been to Spain" and "Shambala." That parody of "Shambala" actually became the first experimental studio recording the band ever made. The band eventually recorded a revised parody of "Joy to the World" called "Boy Tell the World" (on "Adam Up") and a parody of "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)" called "Mama Told Me (What's to Come)" on "Keep the Change." The recording of "Boy Tell the World" featured keyboards by Steve Carroll, a former studio musician who arranged, recorded and toured with Three Dog Night in the early 1970's. Steve also played or recorded with a number of other popular acts, such as the Guess Who, Bob Dylan and Elvis Presley. Steve is now worship leader and pastor of New Freedom Fellowship in Rockmart, GA, and we first met him at a concert we played last fall in Georgia. Although the original version of this parody was one of the first parodies I ever wrote and was included on our "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" cassette back in 1993 as "Trust in the Lord." The version on "Adam Up" from 2004 bears virtually no resemblance to it. The majority of "Boy Tell the World" was written on December 30, 2002, the night before the band left for a New Year's Eve concert in Seattle WA. Hoyt Axton Jeremiah loved the true God Was a good friend of mine I never edited a single word he said But I helped him ink his lines And he always had me write 'em down twice, singin Boy, tell the world All my voice unfurls now Boy, tell them visions that they need to see Going to you from me If I were the king in the wall I'll tell you what I'd do I'd throw away the false little gods, end the war And make peace it s up to you (Sing it now) Boy, tell the world Ah, they re going to quarrel now Boy, tell them issues that they need to see Boy, it s you and me You know I'm not courageous I d love to have more fire I'm no high-priced scribe or Any paid ghost writer My name's Baruch, the son of Neriah The main dude it was Jeremiah Boy, tell the world Ah, the choice is theirs now Boy, tell them this is it, believe you me Boy, it s true indeed

174 Choose Your Daddy Parody of "Who's Your Daddy" by Toby Keith Adam Up Track 4 John 5:17-23, 6:44, 8:19, 8:38-59; Luke 16:13-15 Jesus said a man couldn t serve two masters, God and mammon. He also said whoever wasn t for Him was against Him, and that anyone who loves the Father must also love the Son. So, if you don t choose God as your father through Christ, you re choosing another daddy. See John chapter 8 for more details. Part of this song was written in the car with my family driving through Tennessee July 5, 2003 on the way between concerts in North Carolina and Kentucky. Toby Keith Well, here He comes knockin on your side door baby Yeah, the Son of God s on your side I guess He called ya but ya ll weren t home for the hundredth time Yeah, you look in Christ s Book right after Luke in John 8:1 through 59 It ain t so hard to find The place He said you re either in the faith or sons of Belial You read on, it s really tough to debate it Don t you get it? Yeah, I think He s waiting in the sky for you You know, our Father up in Heaven Choose your daddy, choose your savior Choose somebody who s your friend And choose the one God who you ll come runnin to When all the world s lies start crumblin Your god s your money, but God the Son, He Says come to me; get saved from sin Choose your daddy who s your faith in? Is it God or is it mammon? You either belong to God above or to Satan Which is it? Well, don t you get it? If you wait then Satan decides for you You know you gotta become repentant Choose your daddy, choose your savior Choose somebody, yeah, who s your friend And choose the one God that you ll come runnin to Yeah, when the world s lies start crumblin He s God Almighty; just say, Alrighty Let s make it real the way You planned Choose your daddy who s your faith in? Is it God or is it man? Choose your daddy Luke 16 says It s in God or it s in mammon

175 Meshach Parody of "Love Shack" by The B-52's Adam Up Track 5 Daniel 1:7, 3:1-30; 1 Peter 4:12-13 The story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, with a new wave, dance twist. I got the idea for this one in the late 1990's and the first few lines and chorus on a car trip to Cincinnati or Kentucky in the spring of I was going to give up on the song then, but the guys in the band and our wives liked it so much that I saved what I had. Even though the song was started so early, I didn't get the last third of it until we were well into the recording of "Adam Up." Although we recorded this song with the Ross sisters from Everlife, I wasn't there when they recorded their parts. I recorded my parts and guide vocals for them, and Karl recorded their vocals later and showed them their parts. Karl's a miracle worker for making that song come together. He was a great vocal coach for me in getting a B- 52's sound, and I know he was a big help to the Everlife girls, too. We didn't perform the song together with Everlife until a concert in San Diego in the spring of 2004, but Bill Hubauer wasn't there to do the keyboard parts. The second time we peformed the song "live" was in Greensburg PA in August This time everybody was there, including Everlife and Bill Hubauer. Frederick Schneider, Catherine Pierson, Keith Strickland & Cindy Wilson Hey, there's three real famous guys in the Bible you know And the in-between guy's name is Meee-shach! Meschach, yeah, yeah I read about them in Daniel one day Look in chapter 1:7 babe And then you can go get their names They got treated harsh by the king of the world (go get their names) When they didn't bow down to his gold statue (go get their names) They got in a crisis and just about perished from burnin' up Hey, king, your joke's not funny Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with Mean King Neb'chadnezzar Meshach, baby ah Meshach baby Meshach, baby, Shadrach, Meshach, baby, Shadrach Ah, babe, Abednego s last Simon says, kneel and pray fools You must do as the law says! Well, sittin way back in the middle of a field There s a 90-foot statue; ya gotta pray to that Glitter on the statue didn t make the guys pray Even if they got scorched, they would trust in Yahweh Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with Mean King Neb'chadnezzar Meshach, baby Meshach baby Meshach Neb chadnezzar s mad Meshach s no scaredy cat Huffin and a hissin guess he wasn t bluffin Nebuchadnezzar shoved em in the hottest of ovens But hold on kiddies Cause everybody s movin around and around and around and around Nebby got confused and said, I thought we threw them in with Ropes tied em up now guys how d they get out? There s four bodies movin there s another dude in there and Come here, Meschach want you to come back! Often a crisis looks as big as a whale and you re about to get nailed But God isn t far, He sees you now buddy So come on and pray you re cool, stop running CHORUS Wait, wait, wait on the Lord, baby! Talk a little louder soldier Wait, wait, wait on the Lord baby! I can t hear you! Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Wait, wait! On the Lord! Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Batman! Girls, what?!! Same tune trust me Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps, yeah) Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps) (Hope you learned a lesson standin in the oven with a-meshach)

176 I'm Gonna Feed (500 Mouths) Parody of "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" by The Proclaimers Adam Up Track 6 Matthew 14:13-21; Mark 6:30-44; Luke 9:10-17; John 6:1-15 An eyewitness and humorous account of Christ s feeding of the Although the idea for this song and the chorus came to me in January 2003, a large portion of the song came later in the year in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Cranberry PA, while I was waiting for my wife to return from the eye doctors. Doug Watson is a Christian music store owner in Glasgow, Scotland, who has been stocking ApologetiX in a his store for several years now. We had the pleasure of meeting Doug when we played Atlantafest in 2002, and he presented us with a Scottish flag. We resisted the temptation to tell him in advance that we were spoofing a Scottish band, the Proclaimers, on "Adam Up," and I'll admit that I waited with slight apprehension to hear what he thought about our Proclaimers spoof, "I'm Gonna Feed (500 Mouths)." Lo and behold, he sent us an unsolicited in late January 2003 that said: "Just to let you know 'Adam Up' landed in Glasgow today. It is absolutely brilliant (loved the Leith accent on 'I'm Gonna Feed (500 Mouths)' - I'm sure the Proclaimers will be pleased with it!). Of course we have played it a few times in the store and sold a few. Over the next week we will give it more airplay in the store and have added it to the playlist, this will give it a very high profile as it joins a host of releases that are currently being promoted in store (P.O.D., Casting Crowns, Delirious, Vineyard, to name but a few). "I hope that we can make 'Adam Up' one of the top selling CD's by ApologetiX. You'd be amazed to know that we are consistently selling all your other titles and are making them known to new people all the time. 'Keep the Change' is possibly the best selling of all the titles. We are glad to partner you in your ministry and pray God's rich blessing on this new project. Peace for the New Year, Doug Watson" Needless to say, we're honored. Charles Reid & Craig Reid When I bake stuff with the dough I m gonna knead I m gonna be the man who makes some bread for you When I go out in a boat upon the sea I m gonna need a net and row a long way too If I catch some fish that float under the deep I m gonna be the man who gets some fish for you And if there s flavor, yeah, I know I m gonna eat I m gonna eat some and I ll save the rest for you And I have watched five hungry mouths And I have watched 500 more But I ve seen a man who fed 5000 mouths at once And that s the Lord Well, I watched Him, yes, I know what I have seen He was a teacher man who taught the whole day through With so many comin forth to watch that dude It would cost someone every penny just for food Send em all home, Lord, you know they gotta eat They told the teacher man, who said, That s up to you And with five loaves and two fish from Galilee I m gonna feed em and they re goin home renewed. CHORUS Have another (Have another) Pass the butter (Pass the butter) Da da da dum de de dum da lum de de lum da da Have some water (Have some water) Pass the tartar (Pass the tartar) Da da da dum de de dum da lum de de lum da da Well, I m only telling only what I ve seen But when the teacher man was done they sent out food And men were eating, well, I know they got a treat They got a treat about the size of Timbuktu Well, I ve no doubt that in Luke 9:17 You re gonna read it and suppose the number s skewed But in the front row, don t you know I had a seat I saw at least 12 baskets of leftover food I got a B in math, so, son, I know it s true CHORUS Had a tough crowd (Had a tough crowd) Fattened up now (Fattened up now) Grab a rough count (Grab a rough count) Add em up now (Add em up now) Ya da la ta la ta la da la la la Gather up now (Gather up now) Every crust now (Every crust now) Ya da la ta la ta la da la la la Gavin McLeod (Gavin McLeod) From The Love Boat (From The Love Boat ) Yeah I know that line s kind of dumb my mind s kind of numb right now CHORUS

177 Get Found Tonight Parody of "Get Down Tonight" by K.C. and the Sunshine Band Adam Up Track 7 Matthew 18:12-13; Luke 15:4-6 Elaborates on how the Good Shepherd leaves the 99 to find the one lost sheep. The idea for this song hit me sometime in late January 2003 or early February 2003 and the lyrics were completed soonafter. I remember singing the finished lyrics to Karl in a car on our way to a concert in Missouri in early February. Numerous K.C. & the Sunshine Band references are included at the end. Actually, it's a medley of parodies of K.C.'s biggest hits in chronological order. "Get Down Tonight" (#1) was the first, followed by "That's the Way I Like It" (#1), "(Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty" (#1), "I'm Your Boogie Man" (#1), "Keep it Comin' Love" (#2), and "Please Don't Go" (#1). Harry Wayne Casey & Richard Finch Baby, baby, let s get the Shepherd Honey, hon, He s seeking you In Luke 15, ah, do ya think that we d lie to you? Are you a little lamb? Maybe a little lost? Get found tonight! Get found tonight You a little lamb? Maybe a little lost? Get found tonight! Get found tonight Baby, baby, He ll meet you Name the place, name the time When sheep have left the pasture He ll leave the 99 CHORUS Matthew 18, uh-huh, I like it Matthew 18, uh-huh, I like it Sheep, sheep, sheep Shepherd s looking, Shepherd s looking Sheep, sheep, sheep Shepherd s looking, Shepherd s looking Are you looking man, are you looking man, turn to God Are you looking man, are you looking man, you must be lost! Sheep, He s coming now, Sheep, He s coming now Don t stop Him now, He ll stop at nothing Sheep, don t go!

178 Look Yourself Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem Adam Up Track 8 Matthew 13:57; Mark 6; John 4:44; Romans 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9,10:13; 1 Corinthians 1:18, 3:19; James 1:23-25 The story of one man s salvation experience and the obstacles he encounters as he attempts to share his newfound faith with family and old friends. As Eminem s original is loosely an account of his own life as a rapper, so this is song is basically an account of my life when I first became a born-again Christian. I first got the idea for this song in early 2003, but I didn't really work on it intensively until the spring of That's when I started to focus specifically on it, and I wrote it over the course of many car trips to the bank (about 45 minutes away) and back, with my baby daughter Heather in the back seat. In addition to the line about "Welcome Back Kotter," I originally had a line earlier in the song saying "Look, there's no cavities" (referring to an old toothpaste commercial). Long after I finished the lyrics, but before we released our version, "Weird Al" released his parody of the song, "Couch Potato" on his "Poodle Hat" album. I bought it the day it came out and my wife and I listened to it in the car. We couldn't believe it when we heard him say "Look, Ma, no cavities." I said to my wife, "I'll bet he throws 'Welcome Back Kotter' into the mix, too, since this is a song about T.V. shows." Sure enough, he did. I was sick. Those were two of my favorite lines in the song. That same day, I hurriedly wrote a letter to Bermuda Schwartz (Al's drummer) to tell him how Al and I had both come up with two of the same lines. I wanted to make sure he (and any other Al fans) knew that we hadn't copied Al. I eventually deleted the "Look there's no cavities" line and replaced with something else, but I kept the "Welcome Back Kotter" line, because it was the exact sentiment that I wanted for that part of the song -- the idea of a guy going back to his old school as a changed man and having to deal with people who didn't believe he'd really changed. M. Mathers, J. Bass & L. Resto Look, if you have one God and one offer of eternity That exceeds everything you ve ever wanted, with one opponent Would you ask for it... or just let it slip? Yo He parks his Chevy, needs sleep, heart is heavy He s thought about repentin already, sun is setting This church is not having service it looks almost dead as he Drops by but they keep on the electric What a ghost town, he knelt down, don t know how He opens his mouth just the word Help comes out He s broken down, yet his heart is open now The lost one s found, winds up homeward bound Heads back to his family Look who s home, daddy And, look, he s so happy, he chose his own path but he Won t give up babbling, he broke his old habits they Don t seem so bad to me, hope it s some fad kike new Coke or Shaun Cassidy Don t need no radical holy-rollin masochist quotin old passages That s what ll happen then, though, he ll go fanatic-y Better go batten the hatches and hope it don t last You'd better look yourself in the mirror You know that you wanted to get to Heaven when you're old Do you really want God or not? Is it yes or no? It s awful soon you say, but what is the right time? You'd better look yourself in the book since you own it In Romans, you never read it yet I know You only get one shot to God, here s your chance to know His offer to you may come once in your lifetime His soul s been saved even though his whole family s gaping This world is blinded by Satan they can t see As he moves forward it s true George Orwell The moral of the story is truth s ignored, emotion s most important He ll only cause problems, the Holy Ghost got him He blows him all over, he knows the call s on him Goes to go show his bros at his Alma Mater, Welcome Back, Kotter They know he s just one of their own, so don t bother Said, Go home you barely know the Our Father Well hold the phones cause he knows it holds water If those don t want him no more he ll go farther And he moved on and he read the Romans Road till he knows it cold and shows others He s on his soap box and his tone becomes bold, I suppose he s no martyr But the weak grows strong and the dumb becomes smarter CHORUS No more names, I ve been changed, but you call it strange To tell my mother n father truth off the true God's page I was saying if you ve been sinning pursue God s grace I ve been shooed off and spit at like Rudolph the Reindeer But I kept shinin a lamplight that I can t stifle, You best believe somebody paid for my revival Call the name of Christ and go find a Bible Fact is I can t deny that I m liable to die if my plans collide with life s iceberg Like the Titanic cause man needs God and you can t go buy a lifeboat And it s no movie; there s no surprise survivors This is high tide and you re tryin to row hard And you re hittin deeper waters tryin to flee piranhas I see Plus seaweed s got ya caught up between PBJ Otter and Bikini Bottom Babe it s not a submarine you re on and you must believe the Son He ll save you on the spot, He s comin ready or not I ve got to be to the point just like a nail on the cross I formerly was lost, horrendously frail and fraught With questions I know how Mother Hubbard s dog felt famine, drought Mom, I love you but this world has got to know I cannot grow cold when Hell is hot, so please don t go into shock, let the family talk This way is their only opportunity to find God CHORUS You can do anything if He gets inside you, man

179 Should I Pray or Should I Go? Parody of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" by The Clash Adam Up Track 9 Exodus 14:15; Matthew 28:19-20; Romans 10:14-15, 15:20-21 A reluctant would-be (or wouldn t-be?) missionary has a talk with God about whether he really needs to leave his neighborhood to spread the Gospel. A tongue-in-cheek look at some of the lesser perils of missions foreign food, foreign language barriers and lack of missionaries left to serve in the United States! I used to sing the original version of this song in a band I was in back in I always fudged my way through the Spanish call and response lyrics back then and just made up words for laughs (I distinctly remember singing "Fernando Valenzuela" at one point in the song.) So when it was time to do it for "Adam Up," I knew we had to do something with that part. I finally decided that it would be cool to do a list of all the countries in the so-called 10/40 window targeted by many evangelistic missions today. When I finished including all the countries on the list in my spoof, I decided I'd check the Internet for other lists to make sure they all agreed. I found another list that had some different countries on it than the previous list, so I opted to include those countries, too. Then I found another list with still more countries on it. None of the lists had all of the same countries, so I decided to include every single country on all three lists. It was hard to fit them all together and to look them up to see the proper pronunciations and then try to rhyme them, but I knew it would be well worth it in the end just like it was with the list of martyred Apostles on "People" on the "Ticked" CD. The Clash Calling on God to let me know, should I pray or should I go? If You say that You don t mind, I ll be here till You send a sign So Your Gospel gets to grow in the neighborhood I know If all of us leave to preach and teach You ll have no one left on their knees I d say it s fine to just stay back Though if You want me, I'll go pack Well, come on, not Mexico there s no Spanish words I know Should I pray or should I go now? Should I pray or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble; the missionaries there may double And it's crowded as we know This Indian mission's buggin' me (Greece, Indonesia, Malta, Malaysia) They say they want me desperately (Mongolia, Philippines, Albania) Is that the food I'm s'posed to eat? (India, Uzbekistan, Pakistan) Don't You need mission trips to Italy? (Afghanistan, Kazakhstan) Don't want no vegetables (Turkmenistan,Tajikistan) Shouldn t I go with the food I know (Saudi Arabia, Bangladesh) (Guinea-Bissau, Benin, Gibraltar) (Cambodia, Vietnam, Somalia) (Ethiopia, Egypt, Sudan, Libya) (Tibet, Sri Lanka, Azerbijan) (Western Sahara, Macau, Lebanon) (Qatar, Nepal, East Timor, Burma) (UAE, Maldives, Gaza Strip) Should I pray or should I go now? (Laos, Nigeria, Niger, Mali) Should I pray or should I go now? (Israel, Syria, Thailand, Guinea) If I go rebuild their rubble (Senegal, Portugal, Djibouti) Can't lift a spade or wield a shovel (Bahrain, Algeria, China, Turkey) So You gotta let me know (Iran, Oman, Yemen, Morocco) Should I mail in the check I wrote? (Bhutan, Japan, Burkina Faso) Should I pray or should I go now? (Cyprus, Brunei, both Koreas) If I go I'll break my bubble (Mauritania, Iraq, Tunisia) And if I stay I will be cuddled (Kyrgyzstan, Kuwait, Gambia) So tomorrow let me know (Taiwan, Jordan, Eritrea) Should I pray or should I go? (Chad)

180 The Spittle Parody of "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World Adam Up Track 10 John 9:5-7; Mark 7:32-34, 8:22-24 A surprising and funny look at the three times Christ used saliva to heal the blind and the deaf. Although part of it is tonguein-cheek, it really does say a mouthful. Like "Look Yourself," much of this song was written during 45-minute car trips to the bank and back with my baby daughter Heather in the back seat. As soon as I got the idea about spit, I thought, "Uh oh, here's another one in the vain of 'All the Stalls Stink.'" But I always thought those three stories about Jesus healing with spit were pretty interesting, and it was neat to have a song that included all of the instances and the scipture verses for them. It just goes to show that God doesn't always do things in the manner we expect and He can use things we think are worthless, like spit, to do amazing things. Jimmy Eat World Hey, don t write your songs bout spit It s only in your head to fill your mouth well, look out, Mom The Bible says Christ healed a sightless man With only dirt and spit He twirled Himself He cured this way He just takes some grime, lets it swirl in the spittle Rubs his eyes with it and then the man could see just fine Cause he left everything to Jesus Christ in John 9 Hey, you know this song is strange I know you re droolin at the thought of more (thought of more) I know I am So get a Bible out and just brace yourself Because in chapter eight the book of Mark (book of Mark) there s somewhere else He just takes some blind little-known individual Rubs his eyes with His spit, then He says, Are you all right? Then the man said it looked like trees oh my! Hold tight! It just takes two times didn t have to double-dribble Touched the guy just once again and he could see just fine Yes and the medicine was real saliva, no lie Hey, don t write this song off yet There s one more incident that we left out (we left out) so look that up This dude was deaf (both mute and deaf) Christ put his fingers in (He put his fingers in) And don t you worry bout the spitting part (spitting part) I m gonna say He just takes saliva yeah, the Lord spit a little Then applied it to the deaf man s tongue and Jesus sighed And said Ephphatha and his ears were quite all right So just take some time in the Word, read a little Of the Bible Mark chapter 7 s where you ll meet the guy Then read the rest of it you ll see the light

181 Sweet Oholibamah Parody of "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd Adam Up Track 11 Genesis 26:34, 27:46-28:9, 36:2-5, 36:10, 36:14; Obadiah 1:1-2, 1:10 Esau tells the story of his multiple wives and the problems both he and they have had with his mother, Rebekah. This original version of this parody was written in 1996 and sat in the vaults until it was dusted off for the "Adam Up" project. However, as usually happens in that situation, the song underwent an overhaul. The original parody had the same title and theme and many of the same words, but the revised version was a lot tighter and rhymed better. The last line or two was completed in the car on my way to the studio to record it! I originally wanted to have a list of all of Esau's wives in the song, but the different Bible verses that talk about his wives make it difficult to determine exactly how many wives he had, because it depends on how many of his wives went by more than one name. I did a lot of research on the topic and couldn't come up with a definitive list that all the experts agreed upon, so I scrapped that part of the idea. Ed King, Gary Rossington & Ronnie Van Zant (I ve heard enough) Bigamy was Esau's burden I married me girls who grieved my kin I m bringin someone now to solve that I just got married once again I'm takin' a chance, yes Well, I heard what my mom thinks about them (Mother s mad) Well, her dirty deal put me down Well, I hope my mom will remember Her son who ran won't be around anyhow Sweet Oholibamah, you re my wife that s the truth Sweet Oholibamah, you re just one of quite a few I m burning mad, but I love my mother, now (Boo hoo hoo) But she's tied in with Jacob s ruse While brother Jacob was robbin' me Mother conned my father, too I'm tellin' the truth Sweet Oholibamah, all my wives are so blue They don t love my mama cause my mama don t approve (Here it comes, melodrama) Now Mother goes and talks to Papa Let Jacob go and pick a wife or two (Ain t she cute) Oh, that ticks me off so much It ticks me off 'cause he flew the coop Now, I might sue Sweet Oholibamah, yeah, my wives aren t amused We gonna have a problem if we go on Family Feud Sweet Oholibamah (oh, sweetheart) Yeah, my wives aren t so few (but my love is true) Even though I m not monogamous (oh, no) You re my one and only too

182 It's Not Eden Parody of "Superman (It's Not Easy)" by Five for Fighting Adam Up Track 12 Genesis 3:1-24; 1 Timothy 2:1; 1 John 1:8 Adam talks to God and the listener right after the fall. A bittersweet song filled with remorse, yet coupled with hope in the future. I wasn't that impressed with the original version of this song till I saw the video for it while out for dinner with the band guys and our families at the Hard Rock Cafe in Pittsburgh. Something about that stuck with me, and then I started getting lyrics for it, and they were too beautiful to abandon. I really felt like God was inspiring it. I shared them with my wife, and she loved them. This song and "Called My Wife" are the main reasons why the album is called "Adam Up." Of all the tracks on "Adam Up," this song is probably the one the band members think turned out best. John Ondrasik I can t stand to lie; I got that from Eve I just had a bite; You gave her, Lord, to me I warned her at first; I more than explained That s more than some pretty fruit beside a snake And it s not easy to be deceived I wish that I could hide, find a pile of leaves Finally we re wise, now my home I ll never see There may be a curse upon me like Eve But even she will have a righteous seed I may be just dirt, but once she conceives Even we may have our rights redeemed But it s not easy to be with Eve Told us get away, away from here, but it s all alright We can all be grounded tonight I m not angry or anything I can t stand to fight; I m not mad at Eve Men weren t meant for pride; it clouds the things they need I m only a man, but still You said she d Be pregnant with kids tonight and that s one way we Know there s a plan, so Lord we ll yet seek Looking for special things inside of Eve, in spite of me In spite of me, inside of Eve, in spite of me I m only a man in Genesis three I m only a man lookin for a seed I m the only man and there s only just Eve And it s not Eden It s not easy to leave here

183 Listening After Midnight Parody of "Living After Midnight" by Judas Priest Adam Up Track 13 Acts 20:7-12 Eutychus gives a play-by-play account of his death and subsequent resurrection by the Apostle Paul (through the power of the Holy Spirit) in Acts 20 after falling three stories from a window ledge. Of course, it all started when he fell asleep during a sermon, something we can all relate to! I used to sing the original version of this song in a neighborhood band I was in my freshman year in college. The original version of this parody (same theme with mostly different words) appeared on our "Parable Guy" cassette back in Glenn Tipton, Rob Halford & K.K. Downing Listenin after midnight, watchin till I yawn Learnin till I m snoring, then I m gone, I m gone I took a seat upon the window ledge (boldly, slowly) I m three floors up and on the edge (holy moly) I come to church and they preach all night That s why I may be droopy-eyed CHORUS That preacher Paul is lecturing still (code red, code red) He needs to take a sleeping pill (go to bed, go to bed) While Paul s a-preaching, I m half awake It s morning, Reverend, take a break! CHORUS I m leanin forward, I m fallin floorward My body s tumblin Oh, I died in the fall! The resurrection s starting now (for me, for me) I m guessin God gave Paul the power (glory, glory) He saved my life and then dove in The boy starts teaching us again Lecturin after midnight, talkin till the dawn Leavin in the morning, then he s gone, all gone It s in Acts 20, I am Eutychus Love to tell the story, and it s cause I was Livin after midnight, God can do it all Life is never boring when there s God

184 Psum 14 Parody of "Fat Lip" by Sum 41 Adam Up Track 14 Psalms 14:3, 53:3; Romans 3:10, 3:23, 7:7-25; 1 Kings 8:46; 2 Chronicles 6:3; 1 Timothy 1:15-16; James 3:2; 1 John 1:8-10 A humorous reminder that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, including King David, the Apostle Paul, and the singer himself. One of our fans told me he thought we should do "Fat Lip" by Sum 41 and "Chop Suey" by System of a Down, which were the breakthrough hits for each of those groups. I bought both of the CDs that had the songs on them, and I didn't like either song! I actually liked some of the later hits by each group better than their breakthrough hits. But the band guys liked "Fat Lip" and "Chop Suey" best, and once I got the line "Sure my movie part it won't be played by Al Pacino," I couldn't resist the urge to finish it. The title, of course, is a play on Sum 14 and Psalm 41. I thought it was funny how that Psalm worked into the song and yet the number was 14 in reverse and how "Sum" and "Psalm" sound so much like each other. Sum 41 Sure my movie part it won t be played by Al Pacino But I hope you re not thinking I m exactly Mr. Clean, though As a kid, was in sin, and no one knew it but me And my Olan Mills portrait was Dorian Gray Well, I know I m not the one you thought you knew back in high school You d never know, I d never show, I just was a shy dude But let me set you straight, cause all of us need saved My sin was always here but that s erased I don t want to praise my crimes Because I know that that would be impropriety I m just a ball of slime So come and get forgiven just like He forgave me act now Read God s truth in Romans and Psalms we learn that all people fall But what would you expect knowing David and Paul Have you met em? Them fellas knew how we need grace They did bad deeds only God could erase Cause David had an affair and murdered, he still repented Turning Paul around it took divine intervention Acts 9 it will confirm he messed up every church He sinned till Jesus told him, Hey, that hurts! I don t want to list my crimes Because I know the fragility of my piety And I recall this line In chapter 1 verse 15 of old First Timothy that s how Don t count on me to live with no sin Don t count on me I ll do it again Don t count on me but the point you re missin Don t count on me is I m forgiven We re all just no good and we re nailed without Christ Act fast and He won t get upset about nothin You can stand around and scorn and scoff like Waldorf the Muppet But you can t blame anybody; ask Jimmy Buffett Cause if you take no blame you ll be really on the hook You re on the Ten Most Wanted in the devil s own book That s why Psalm number 14:3 is important Because it says we re all sinners addin up more sins CHORUS

185 The Word Parody of "Grease" by Frankie Valli Adam Up Track 15 John 1:1-14, 14:6; Ephesians 2:8 A senior high student explains that if you really want to stand out in today s schools, Grease isn t the word; Jesus is. I had the idea for "Jesus the Word" for many years before we finally decided to turn into a full-fledged song. Karl and I were both big fans of the "Grease" movie when we were kids. Part of this song was written on a trip to San Jose CA for the concert we did at Spirit West Coast in late July Barry Gibb I solve math problems at my senior high We got a hundred things we gotta read and write There ain t no gangs like Grease and no cool cars It s hard to be real wild but we can teach you the art It s in the Word They think our Lord is just a ball and chain Why don t they understand it s just their pride and shame They live for science only He is real Just got to find right now the God that Jesus revealed Jesus, the Word Jesus, the Word, He s the Word as you've heard We ve got proof it s God s Spirit He is the life, He's the way, He's the Logos Now these things we base on experience He came in flesh and then He chose to stay Condemned to Calvary, rose on that blest third day There is a choice that we can make if we re smart We start believing now and He can redo our hearts Receive the Word Yes the Word, yes the Word, as you ve heard It s not a ruse, it s not teasing Jesus the Christ is the face of the Most High Now this is the day to receive Him They say that life s evolution That s just a subtle atheist excuse What are we doing here? We make confession and He shows the way No technicalities, no long-term debts to pay There is a plan so we get saved from the fall Let s start to read it now; it s in Ephesians, you all Grace is the word Grace is a word that s conferred undeserved It s not you, it s not me, then Grace is divine, it s through faith, there s no boasti Now read in 2:8 in Ephesians Research the Word, yes the Word that you heard It s God's truth, it s God s teaching (It s the truth, I mean it) This is the time, it s the place, it s the moment Now Jesus is waiting receive Him Jesus, the Word, yes the Word, yes the Word

186 Wherever You Will Sow Parody of "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling Adam Up Track 16 Matthew 13:1-30; Mark 4:1-20, 4:26-29; Luke 8:1-15; Isaiah 55:10-11; Psalm 126:5-6; 1 Corinthians 15:35-45 A song of hope for Christians who have sown the Word of God in tears (Psalm 126:5-6) in hopes of a harvest among non- Christian friends and family members. God s word never comes back void without accomplishing the purpose for which He sent it out (Isaiah 55:11) This song was a last-minute candidate for the "Grace Period" CD along with "Flurry" by Puddle of Mudd. I got an idea for "Flurry" in time, but not for "Wherever You Will Go." When I go the idea for "Wherever You Will Sow," it knocked me out. It was like the song was slowly writing itself over time and I was just watching. I totally believe that God inspired it, although I never heard an audible voice or anything telling me what to write. I know this is the favorite song of a number of ApologetiX fans, particularly women, and I know it's one of my favorites and my wife's favorites, too. But I can't take credit for it. So lately you re wondering who really cares to take Christ s grace Well, Christ taught that seeds of new life get scattered on Earth s face If a grain of wheat shall fall, yeah, fall upon good soil In between the sand and stone, Good News makes that crop to grow Yes, I ve learned that Christ s word will grow wherever you will sow Wait a while, hold out hope -- it grows wherever you will sow And maybe you re fried now, afraid you ve wasted bags of grain You watered, you tried to do your darnedest, all in vain If as great a faith as Paul s can follow after Saul Then there s hope for someone out there who you think rejected you Yes, I ve learned that Christ s word will grow wherever you will sow There s all kinds of ground though it grows wherever you will sow Some it may hit the rocks, some it may hit the road Some it may hit the thorns I know now there s dry ground but lives you love might still grow strong Give their hearts some more time and state the truth for all mankind Yes, I ve learned that Christ s word will grow wherever you will sow We all cry, we ll shout though -- as Psalm 126 will show We might return back cryin Christ s word is never useless though Read Isaiah 55 by verse 11 you will know It grows wherever you will sow I remember getting some of the lyrics for this song, particularly the chorus, in the spring of 2003 while driving around the North Hills of Pittsburgh and some of the rest of them in the second and third verse in while sitting up late one night watching T.V. at my in-laws house in Mayfield KY after everybody had gone to bed. We explain what this song is all about in the intro to the "live" version on "New & Used Hits: The Best of ApologetiX Vol. 1 & 2." Aaron Kamin & Alex Band

187 Wake Up Talitha Cumi Parody of "Wake Up Little Susie" by The Everly Brothers Adam Up Track 17 Mark 5:22-24, 35-43; Luke 8:40-5; Matthew 9:18-26 Jesus resurrects the synagogue ruler Jairus daughter in Mark chapter five, uttering the Aramaic words Talitha Cumi. I wrote the first portion of the lyrics for this song at Vincent's Pizza in Irwin PA sometime in 2002, I think. We had already picked the songs for "Grace Period," so it was too late for that. This song was a total gift from God. I don't remember specifically trying to write words to "Wake Up Little Susie." I always loved those few portions of scripture where they included things that Jesus spoke in Aramaic. I couldn't believe how well those words rhyme with Little Susie, and how they fit in with the theme of waking up. Boudleaux Bryant & Felice Bryant Wake up, Talitha cumi, wake up! Wake up, Talitha cumi, wake up! The girl's just sound asleep Why cause this commotion and weep So move on over if you re in shock And clear this unbelief Wake up, Talitha cumi, wake up, Talitha cumi Well trust in God, I tell your mama Trust in God, I tell your pa Trust in God when all your friends they nay say Prove them wrong Wake up, Talitha cumi, wake up, Talitha cumi Well, they told your mom and dad you were dead right then Well, you'll be raised so looks like they goofed again Wake up, Talitha cumi, wake up, Talitha cumi You gotta have hope CHORUS The mourners must've forgot They're pickin' out burial plots They failed to see that you have booked Your resurrection with God Wake up, Talitha cumi, wake up, Talitha cumi Well, what we ve done they ll tell in Mark 5 But for now we ll tell no one What we ve done they ll tell again in Luke 8 You got up!

188 Guide the Way Parody of "By the Way" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers Adam Up Track 18 Daniel 6:1-28 Daniel prays to God and gives a live account of a nervous night in the lion s den. I didn't like this song that much till I saw the video while we were visiting the Hard Rock Cafe in Pittsburgh in January I don't know why, but it changed the way I listened to the song. When I first got the idea for "Guide the Way," I thought, not another song about Daniel! But every Daniel song we've done -- that one, "Lions" on "Isn't Wasn't Ain't," and "Daniel" on "Keep the Change," -- all started with a line or two that were pure inspiration from God. I can't remember what the first line I got for this one was... probably "Standing with lions beneath the floor tonight and there's a lion," but once I got to the "Meow, meow, meow, meow" part, I knew we had to do it! Anthony Kiedis, Flea, John Frusciante & Chad Smith Standing with lions beneath the floor tonight And there s a lion here we go Right away I try to pray, I kneel there, waiting, Lord Daniel don t go and pray, they said to me They made a mock ry of you, Lord Save life! Claws sharp! C mon God! Move quick! This cat thinks I m such a little beefcake Get here quick I think I m on the meat tray Point and click to make Your bid on Ebay Teach that king that s not the way that we pray Don t allow! Blood bath! In cave! Stop them! Standing with lions beneath the floor tonight And there s a lion help me, Lord Guide the way, when lions prey, they feed there, tame Him, Lord! Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow Bad cat! Don t sic! Paws off! Open! Kit cat s nice but, no, don t want to hold one Not gonna strike but I m a not-so-bold one Might not bite, I know, you never know but God I like this story though it s no fun Stop there! Mean lion! Get back! Hard stop! Standing with lions I see them show their whites And there s a lion every hole Find a way, my life s at stake I see their great big jaws Daniel, don t go and pray, they said to me Beneath them I ll be on the floor By the way, I find it strange I ll be here praying more Ooh ah, kittens better listen Ooh ah, kittens can t resist Him Ooh ah, kittens kept their distance Ooh ah, kittens never bit me Ooh ah, kittens lost their mittens Ooh, I guess I m not a victim Ooh, I m gettin out of prison -- Hoo hah! Daniel 6:19 stayed here overnight And there s a light on early show By the way, it s light of day, I see that breaking dawn Daniel, the Persian king he calls to me And he s remarking, Oh poor soul By an angel I was saved, I know you love me Lord Standing with lions I ve seen You show Your might That I relied on to get me home Right away I cried, You saved, I beat them, Thank you, Lord

189 Little-Read Bible Book Parody of "Lil' Red Riding Hood" by Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs Adam Up Track 19 Matthew 7:15-18, 24:11; Mark 13:22; Acts 20:29-31; 2 Peter 2:1; 2 John 1:7-11 A big, bad wolf in sheep s clothing describes how he goes about discouraging people from reading the Bible. The Bible warns about wolves in sheep's clothing, false teachers and false prophets in 26 out of the 27 New Testament books (that's a lot better ratio than the 4 out of 5 dentists who recommend Trident for their patients who chew gum!) Only Philemon doesn't have such a warning, and that one is only one chapter long and deals with a totally different topic. I got the original idea and lyrics for this parody way back in 1996 around the time of "Sweet Oholibamah," but they both sat in the vaults till I revamped some of the lyrics to make them rhyme better with the original and flow better. In fact, I completed the last revised lines on my way to the hospital with my wife to deliver our third daughter, Kelly, on October 1, 2003! Don't worry; we weren't hurrying. They had scheduled to induce labor. Lisa was calm and conscious as I sang the final lyrics to her. I thought this song was a nice counterpart to "Baa! We're Lambs" from "Grace Period," and a nice companion to "Get Found Tonight" on "Adam Up." I was sheepish about having so many songs about similar topics, but nobody ever came up to me and said, "Ewe, that's too many!" Ronald Blackwell Who's that I see not doin any good? Why it's a little-read Bible book! Hey there, little-read Bible book, you sure have been forsook You're never read, so big bad wolves can roam. Literally! Little-read Bible book, I don't think many people look So we're walkin' in and making ourselves at home Owwr! What big lies we have! We come as spies disguised as lambs But if they'd read just an open page I think they all could spot the wolves far away What truth Scripture has! It s sure to warn if someone s bad So before they understand God s grace I think I ought to lock you up in a safe I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on And I ll assure them nothing's wrong And you can get dusty and they all can leave you alone Owwr! Little-read Bible book, I'd like to quote you, yes I would But first I'll change me a thing or two on my own Owwr! What if these parts I add A word or two, nothing big Little-read Bible book even bad news can seem good I'll try a little cyanide, just enough to slide on by Maybe they'll swallow things I say Before they get to that odd taste Little-read Bible book, I'm sure their goose is cooked They never read in the big black book at all Owwr! That's too bad Baaad

190 Downer of a Sister Parody of "Chop Suey" by System of a Down Adam Up Track 20 Genesis 29 A humorous look at the morning after Jacob unknowingly married Leah instead of Rachel, as seen from the perspectives of Leah, Jacob and Laban. One of our fans told me he thought we should do "Fat Lip" by Sum 41 and "Chop Suey" by System of a Down, which were the breakthrough hits for each of those groups. I bought both of the CDs that had the songs on them, and I didn't like either song! I actually liked some of the later hits by each group better than their breakthrough hits. Part of the inspiration for the "Downer of a Sister" parody came from Arron Daniels, a DJ friend of ApologetiX at KBNJ in Corpus Christi, TX. In early 2003, Arron was visiting with the band in Pittsburgh, PA, as we were discussing potential songs to spoof for our upcoming CD project. At the time, System of a Down's "Chop Suey" was on the long list of potential songs, but it wasn't looking like a very strong candidate because of its overall harshness. In fact, of the three System of a Down songs being considered for parody, it looked the least likely to succeed. However, when Arron heard "Chop Suey" was on the list, he began to do his impression of System of a Down's lead singer, Serj Tankian, shouting "Wake up!" as he does in the original version. Arron's impression brought the band to fits of laughter, and I was never able to look at the original song the same way again. Suddenly I realized the comedic potential of the song. Listening to "Chop Suey" in the car a few days later, I noticed that "Wake up" rhymed very nicely with "Jacob." Then the imagery came to me -- Leah the morning after the wedding, breaking the news to Jacob that he had married the wrong girl! The sheer lunacy of Leah singing in the harsh voice of a hard rocking band like System of a Down played nicely into the overall image of Leah being less desirable than the lovely Rachel. I knew we had a winner of their hands and that God had once again provided inspiration where days before there was nothing. The title is one of my favorite ApologetiX titles, too. Serj Tankian & Daron Malakian Wake up, we probably should talk a little Jacob Why? Because there s been a major shake up Light the lamp they keep upon the table Yeah, you married me instead of Rachel You want me to Wear a veil and never put the shades up? You want me to Try to starve and find a way to shape up? You want me to Drive to Egypt get myself a facial? You want me to? Oh, I don t think you trust in my shelf-life as your new bride I tried but Rachel s the perfect size! Wake up, Laban, you re in trouble this is Jacob Open up the door or it ll break up Why d you give me Leah stead of Rachel Yeah you know she ain t no Charlie s Angel (You wanted to) Even if she puts on lots of make-up (Put fun into) Leah s face could scare away your hiccups (My honeymoon) I ve seen better faces on a bagel (I ll punish you) Why don t we discuss this nice Downsize your foolish pride Why fight? I gave you the first in line And I threw in a concubine All right for Rachel just serve me twice Father! Father! Father! Father! Father it s too intense; I can t stand to hear it Father you knew the plan Why did you give Jacob me? In disguise so secretly? Is there no escape for me? It s my heart you re breakin, please no! Brushed aside Now I m just doin time I cry while Jacob diversifies Can t lie she s such a cutie pie Why try when Rachel s the perfect bride

191 Lazy Brain Parody of "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne Adam Up Track 21 1 Timothy 1:15, 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, 6:9-11, Romans 2:1, John 17:15-19, Acts 19:19, 1 John 4:4 A different look at Ozzy Osbourne and God's amazing grace. I got the idea for the title and the first line of this song while we were working on songs for "Grace Period." But there wasn't enough time to get it finished and on the CD. This was right before MTV came out with "The Osbournes." Once that happened, we knew we HAD to do this song on our next CD! This parody makes the point that you never know how a person can change over the years. Look at the public's perception of Ozzy Osbourne today compared with when "Crazy Train" first came out in 1981! If he's changed that much since in the past two decades, who knows how much he may change in the next two decades. Look at Alice Cooper, the Ozzy of 1970's. He went from shock rock in the early 1970's to adult contemporary in the late 1970's to a surprise comeback in the late 1980's to born again Christian today. Who would have predicted that? Furthermore, who would have predicted that Saul of Tarsus the persecutor of the Church would become the Apostle Paul? You never know who God is going to get a hold of next. Ozzy Osbourne, Bob Daisley & Randy Rhoads Osbournes!!!! Ha ha ha ha! I-I-I-I! Ozzy puts bats down his throat Real different people live in his home Cosby, he s not, You complain He s burned out from drugs and forgets his own name! Censors soon start bleeping, What did he just say? I know enough to tell it s not a statement of faith I know enough to tell Ozzy may need saved Let s go! I ve listened to Priest and I ve listened to Crue I ve watched Alice Cooper get saved out of booze One person s addictions can ruin his soul But Jesus saved Alice so you never know Metal groups still screaming why are we so tame They re going off the trail but they ain t insane They re going off the trail cause we re lazy brains Why don t we think bout Romans 1 through 3? You gotta listen to God s Word There was a cola war and Ozzy succumbed He ll sell Mr. Bubble when MTV s done Lately I just am not scared The devilish Ozzy he just isn t there Maybe he s not really who and what you claimed I know what Ozzy says but he may still change So don t underestimate God s amazing grace

192 Called My Wife Parody of "All My Life" by The Foo Fighters Adam Up Track 22 Genesis 3:1-24, 4:1-16; Hebrews 11:4; 1 Timothy 2:14 Adam talks to his sons Cain and Abel about the Fall in an effort to keep them from making the same mistakes he did. By the end of the song, however, his worst fears are realized, as Cain returns from the field without Abel. This song is definitely one of my favorite songs from "Adam Up" and one of my favorite songs we ever did. Another one of those written-in-the-car songs, I think it has a really good balance of humor and seriousness. That third verse is so chilling, with the way the music works in tandem with the lyrics as Adam comes to realize what's going on. Yet the very end has a glimmer of hope as Adam starts to address his next son Seth. We felt that this song and "It's Not Eden" were so strong that they really carried the album, that's why they're the final track and the middle track of the 22. When we realized that they both had Adam as the speaker, that sent us searching for an appropriate title, and "Adam Up" was too good to pass up, especially since we were starting to forget just how many albums we'd put out when people would ask. The "Adam Up/Add 'Em Up" pun was right up our alley. Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel & Chris Shiflett Called my wife Eve, the serpent he jumped in Jumped in cause he was never good for nothing Nothing cept his lies and his empty boasts Closed our foolish eyes and he ended our hopes All life long I ll remember the day When Eden was around now it s taken away Eve says just to deal with it I feel morose When it costs the life of a sheep or goat Calm down this ain t recess I wanna tell you the rest And if I give you a test Sons, you two both better do your best Sacrifice something that matters Like Abel did with his sheep Cause you re my reason to breathe Don t want my sons ending up like me C mon my sons listen up I plead Cain, don t let it go to waste I love you, don t just vegetate Hate s keeping you down Abel, yeah, you re going great I love you, but I hesitate Cain s sneaking around When I found out we need covered I covered up with some leaves I made a one-piece for Eve Over the shoulders down to the knees Didn t get any closer to making both of us wise It left me empty inside From then on I ve got something to hide From then on I ve got something to hide Cain, don t let this grow to rage I love you, why d you make that face Snake s seeking you out Abel, yeah, I know your faith I love you, but you ain t that safe Cain s creeping me out Called my wife I ve been searchin since sunset Something must be wrong have you seen our sons yet Not yet but I spy someone gettin close Closer, yes, it s Cain at the end of the road Oh, my son, what s that thing on your face And Abel s not around where d you take him today He was in the field with you I fear you know You look kind of like you ve just seen a ghost My son, son, what have you just done Son, son, tell me what have you just done Son, my son, Cain, I don t wanna guess Cain you better go away I love you but I hate that snake Can t keep him around Abel, what a total waste I d love to go and take your place Laid deep in the ground Done, done, on to the next son Done, I m done, now I m warning you Seth

193 New and Used Hits 2004 When we embarked on "the quest of the best of," it was difficult to determine which criteria to use. What is "the test of the best of?" The biggest hits? Best performances? Best lyrics? Fans' favorites? Band's favorites? We decided early on to make it a two-cd set. Forty songs seemed like a nice goal, too. However, with 11 tracks making their debuts on this ApologetiX album, that left only 29 songs to represent the eight ApologetiX albums already in stores (and each of those albums contained songs). Our goal has always been to make each album better than the one before it, yet each one has its shining moments, and we wanted this collection to represent the entire span of the band's career. We also wanted to show the scope of styles we've spoofed, including rock, pop, alternative, metal, rap, new wave, progressive, oldies, latin, adult contemporary, country, disco, etc. They're all here on this CD. Furthermore, it's always been very important to us to reach out to multiple generations, so the era of music covered on this CD stretches from the 1950's to today. No artist or group is spoofed more than once. The mission of ApologetiX is twofold: to reach those who don't know Christ and to teach those who already do. The mission of this CD is also twofold: to give first-time listeners a sampler of ApologetiX through the years and to give long-time fans a look at ApologetiX now?with new studio tracks and new "live" versions of some old favorites. In order to start everyone on common ground, this CD begins with brand new material that will be fresh for new and old fans alike. Then we gradually look back from our newest albums to our oldest, inserting the "live" tracks in the sections that contain songs from the album on which they originally appeared, so even our oldest fans can't say they've heard it all before. Maybe you feel you've heard it all before when it comes to the Bible?Adam & Eve, Cain & Abel, Noah & the Ark, Samson & Delilah, David & Goliath, Jonah & the Whale, Daniel & the Lions Den, blah, blah, blah. It is our hope that these little parodies will change your mind and make you want to read the full accounts of those true stories in the Bible and discover all the other wonderful things that await you there... most importantly, a personal encounter with Jesus Christ.

194 Are You Gonna Be Ike's Girl Parody of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 1 Genesis 24:1-61 Abraham's servant seeks a wife for Isaac and finds Rebekah. I remember writing the first part of this while watching my two youngest daughters and waiiting for my wife and oldest daughter at the hair salon in Ross Park Mall in Pittsburgh PA. Since we'd already done the stories of Jacob and Esau's wives on "Adam Up," I thought it would be cool to go back a step and sing about Isaac and Rebekah. Nicholas Cester & Cameron Muncey Go! It s a Abraham said, Come with me Because it looks like time For my little son to take a wife He said, Go look and find him A pretty one to make his wife Now for Isaac C mon and get there quick Now he don t need nobody here Go look back where I wooed his mommy Be back soon, long way there, Please go sweep in and get that girl! Well, I can t be Chuck Woolery The Bachelorette s in another land, yeah! I m no Gene Rayburn; I should pray Before Isaac s Elimidate, yeah! I said, Lord, who s gonna be Ike s girl? Well, I went toute de suite Then my camels stopped to drink Here comes a girl so fine and she gives em water, ain t she nice I said, she took some time and she did just what I prayed she might In 24 Genesis, I pondered this a bit I put a nose ring upon her And some bracelets and Boo-yah! I think that s who The Lord brought here We shall see what Rebekah says: Now I can lead you home with me. Bethuel is my father s name, yeah! I know he may have much to say before I play your Dating Game! I said, Are you gonna be Ike s girl? Now I don t need Eharmony; Bethuel gave his daughter s hand, yeah! Ike loves Rebekah what a babe -- He s 40 years old anyway, yeah! But she s Ike s girl, she s Ike s girl R-E-Bekah she s Ike s girl, yeah!

195 JC's Mom Parody of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 2 Luke 2:41-52; John 1:1-14, 2:1-11 Mary's son, Jesus, is growing up, as shown here at age 12 in the temple and later at Cana. I got the idea for this one in December 2003 while listening to one of the NOW CDs that had it and "The Boys of Summer" by the Ataris. I was driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike with my two youngest daughters, Heather and Kelly, at the time. After Jesus is presented in the temple, the Bible only recounts one story from His childhood -- the time spent in the temple when He was 12. His first miracle occurs at the Wedding Feast of Cana. Both of these events happen in chapter 2 of a Gospel, Luke and John, respectively. Both accounts have Him saying rather surprising things to His mother. They fit nicely into the theme of the song, Jesus growing up as His mother watches in amazement. Although this is one of our most popular parodies and has gotten phenomenal response we've had a couple of people ask us if we thought it was disrespectful to refer to Jesus as "J.C." I think that's a matter of conscience. I believed that God gave me the idea for the song, but I did consider that and prayerfully considered it when I wrote the song. Obviously, we believe that Jesus Christ is King of Kings and Lord of Lords and worthy of all respect. Other famous world leaders have been referred to by their initials (e.g. FDR, JFK). Jesus has also been referred to in pop culture as J.C. in a number of famous musical things, including "Jesus Christ Superstar," Larry Norman's "Upon This Rock" (recognized as the first Christian rock album), and I believe in some Christian rap. Adam Schlesinger & Christopher Collingwood JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC caused a commotion in chapter 2 (that s in Luke) When He did hang around at the tem-ple (way past curfew) Did His mom get mad? Probably bit her lip (then she said) Jesus, dear, oh, are you trying to worry us sick? (He s just a kid) You know, He s not the little boy that He used to be Her son s growin up now wait and then you ll see JC s mom has got a growin son His bar mitzvah will here before too long JC s not 13, but He ll save the world for me I know He might be young but time will come when JC s grown JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC s crew would attend a wedding later on (that s in John) His mom came out and said, The wine is all gone (Now what, Son) Why you d tell Me like that, Mother, JC stared (waiting there) Anyway, He said, you know I m not quite prepared (it s not over yet) And I know that the drinking guests were panicky But JC had some fountains of wine moved to Galilee JC s mom has got a growing son Made wine from water at Cana but hold on Grape juice or Chablis that s just not the point for me I know it won t be long till time is up and JC s grown JC s mom had God s begotten Son The promised One that we ve waited for so long Take a look and read John 1:1 through verse 14 I know it won t be long till time is up and JC s grown, oh oh JC s grown, oh oh, JC s grown, oh oh JC s deity; He s just not yet 33 I know it won t be long till time is up and JC s grown

196 The Voice of Sodom Parody of "The Boys of Summer" by Don Henley New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 3 Genesis 19:1-38 In this parody, Lot reflects in the aftermath of the destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah. The original version by Don Henley was one of my all-time favorite songs. It's so well written. I never considered spoofing it till the Ataris redid it, and even then it took a while. But the idea of lost love in "The Boys of Summer" is magnified by Lot's lost love in "The Voice of Sodom." I thought the original versions had both a sense of sadness (Henley) and urgency (the Ataris), because of that music pounding behind it. Those are two of the the main themes of Lot's flight from Sodom, so it fit perfectly. I originally wanted to call this song "The Boys of Sodom," but the guys confirmed my fears that too many people might get weird ideas, so we changed it to "The Voice of Sodom." When I got to the line in the original that said, "Don't look back, you can never look back," I already was doing it as Lot's story, and that line was like a beautiful gift already put there by God. Don Henley & Mike Campbell Nobody down below, I m on the mountain peaks A chill is in the air, the sulfur smell, it reeks It s too late, can t retreat to some ghost town below I m tryin to find a house far enough for our home But I can t see you; the mountain s higher than I thought Look how the air s coal black; this was some act of God, baby And I can t tell you what Lot will do; I m still in shock After Gomorrah and Sodom have gone I never will forget those guys, they wandered into Sodom s streets Remember how I made them stay with me, the men in town all made a scene Now I don t want to say what happened; things got rough But, baby when the men attacked, they found out those two guys were angels I can t see you; our town s been swallowed by the sun But you were walkin too slow, baby, why didn t you ever run But I did tell you that lovely view would self-destruct After the boys of Sodom were judged All of the folks in Canaan saw the black cloud thicken in the aftermath I heard a noise, looked straight ahead Said don t look back, but you went and looked back I thought I knew my loved ones, what did I know? Those caves look good for shelter, I should just get in those, but I can t see you and mountain climbing isn t fun I brought our daughters out and they need a mom, baby I can t help you, my love turned to a pillar of salt After the boiling sulfur had fallen I can t see you, our town s been blown to kingdom come They got to tear old maps up and make brand new ones, baby I can tell you my love for you will fill this song After Gomorrah and Sodom have gone

197 It's Tough (Song About Nehemiah) Parody of "This Love" by Maroon 5 New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 4 The Book of Nehemiah In this song, Nehemiah recounts how he and the rest of the Jews fixed the Jerusalem Wall after his return from Media- Persia, despite opposition from their enemies, led by Sanballat and Tobias. I've thought for a while that we really needed to do a song about the books of Ezra and Nehemiah. They're a significant portion of scripture, but most people don't know what they're about. I heard a great sermon on Nehemiah in the late 1980's where the pastor made us all read chapter 3 aloud together, where it lists how everybody worked side by side, family by family, and it lists them all and what section of the wall each group repaired. That part was always boring to me before that sermon, but when we read it aloud as a congregation and envisioned what was going on, it was really powerful. My favorite part of the whole book is chapter 12:27-43, where Nehemiah leads the great procession in celebration of the completed wall. I got the Wal-Mart line and some other significant parts of the song while I was watching my oldest daughter's Wednesday night church group end-of-the-spring choral presentation in late May Her grade only sang a couple of songs, and my wife and I were in self-imposed exile, watching in the back lobby of the church, because our two younger daughters were being too wild and loud. James B. Valentine Our wall s so high you would not recognize But fire burned and minimized the way it sat for all my life Kissed Persia goodbye, you see I brought a plan To get Jerusalem strong again The wall was where I d start -- Oh! It s a tough task making this wall complete We said goodbye to dinnertime and sports There are kids making some fun of me And I hope those boys, Sanballat and Tobias, get bored They tried their best to keep us occupied Said they d come in with their knives It s hard but we work side by side Oh, kept saying stuff bout me that s just insane Pretending I built this thing To turn around and be the king -- whatever This wall has taken us seven weeks Three days till I can finish up the doors Wal-Mart did make a good wall for cheap But I had no choice cause I don t live nearby any stores no oh oh I fixed this broken thing, repaired these openings I ain t your average Pink Floyd guy (Nehemiah, me oh my) I can t sing all their hits, but I know Another Brick Let me sing for you dause I m Nehemiah how do you do? Ezra has taken the scroll to read We said goodbye to sins we tried before Four hundred and forty-four B.C. and I have no Floyd And I can t play guitar like Gilmore It s rough just making this song funny We had to try and then we tried some more And I d like to break the monotony We say Maroon 5 should end it at the chorus Guess what I m making this all up here Read Nehemiah and Ezra right before Work hard and pray with a fervency But I have no voice so I so I will fade this right here for sure

198 Welcome to the Judges Parody of "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 5 Judges 17:6, 21:25 This song is a crash course on the book between Joshua and Ruth. We've thought about doing this song for years. Back then, I thought of calling it "Welcome to the Judgment," but sometime after "Grace Period," I got the idea for "Welcome to the Judges." To me, it was a perfect match -- comparing the hedonistic horrors of late 1980's L.A. as described by Guns n' Roses with the do-whatever-youwant period of Israel's history described in the Book of Judges. For a joke in our early practice days, I used to call it "Welcome to the Junkyard," and I'd sing it in Red Foxx's voice as a send-up of the old T.V. show "Sanford & Son." I always thought it would be cool to mix the theme music from that show with "Welcome to the Jungle." Steven Adler, Saul Hudson, Duff McKagan, W. Axl Rose & Izzy Stradlin So many gods! Welcome to the Judges, we ve got funny names Ain t got Axl, Slash and Duff but we still rose to fame We ve got some people that you ll find a heavy group indeed If you re watching 1400 B.C. Court TV It s the Judges, welcome to the Judges Let me sing it to you Come-a come-a come-a come-a come-a come and see, see Ooh, I wanna watch you read Welcome to the Judges, we ve tasted Canaanite ways Israel was a chosen breed, but Israel likes to play And they re so very cyclical with their idolatry They get enslaved by bad guys but Jehovah sets them free With the Judges, welcome to the Judges You know what? Judges chapter 17, verse 6 should be our theme Welcome to the Judges, if you re versed in every page You learn the list starts with Othniel, Ehud, Shamgar, then you say That you got the Deborah who helped Barak, Gideon, Abimelech Tola, Jair, Jephthah, Ibzan, Elon Abdon, Samson way in the back In the Judges, welcome to the Judges Let me sing em to you No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not Judge Judy Please! I d rather watch you sneeze When you re tired of Wapner and you re done with Joe Brown Joe Brown, Joe Brown, come round You know where you are? You re with the Judges, baby They re funny guys REPEAT ALL THREE CHORUSES Let s go and read through it now Judges 17:6 In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.

199 Back Intact Parody of "Back in Black" by AC/DC New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 6 Luke 24:37-43; John 20:27; Psalm 34:20, Mark 10:38, Luke 12:50 A look at how Jesus fulfilled the prophecy of Psalm 34:20 This parody had been in the vaults since 1995 or '96, but it got an overhaul when we finally recorded it. I hesitated at first to write the lyrics to "Back Intact" from Christ's perspective, because I don't like to put words into His mouth. But these words are basically paraphrases of what He told the disciples after rising from the dead. And to sing it from the third person rather than the first person made the rhymes clunky, and it didn't parallel the original song as well. In the original song, AC/DC's new lead singer Brian Johnson tried lyrically and vocally to make it sound like the band's old lead singer Bon Scott, who died after the previous album, was back from the grave and singing in the first person. Johnson sounded a lot like Scott, and the seeing as the previous album had been "Highway to Hell," it was like an unholy resurrection, albeit a false one... it was just somebody pretending to be somebody else. Back intact, yes, it s a fact And not a bone was fractured or cracked Yes, sir, spread the news, it s Gospel truth Nail-scarred feet, hands are the proof And a spear went in My side, come and check with your eyes I kept the scars, now I ll never die, I got Sonrised, baptized Keepin every bone like David prophesied Cause I m back, yes, I m back, well, I m back, yes, I m back Well, I m ba-a-a-ack, ba-a-a-ack Well, I m back intact, yes, I m back intact Oh, back as a man, I m alive again Not a ghost, I can prove I m not a charlatan Yes, I m in the flesh, here s a test You guys can watch Me eat a couple of fish Cause I m back off the rack, where I was beaten and smacked Nobody s gonna get me now I m over that Take a look at the Psalms; they predicted my fate Psalm 34, verse 20, said I ll never break Cause I m back, yes, I m back, well, I m back, yes, I m back Well, I m ba-a-a-ack, ba-a-a-ack Well, I m back intact, yes, I m back intact Out of the black! But Christ's resurrection was real, and He came back intact -- without any bones broken Psalm 34:20 prophesied -- and it was in His original (albeit now glorified) fleshly body with the scars to prove it! We thought to have Christ singing it from the first person made a powerful statement and was a startling contrast to the original. Then there was the problem of singing like Brian Johnson of AC/DC, which is hard enough to do, but we didn't know if people would have problems with Jesus singing in a voice like that. But his voice is described as being loud like a trumpet in Revelation 1:10 and as the sound of many waters in 1:15. And when God speaks from Heaven to Jesus in John 12: 28-29, it says the people thought it had thundered. Also, 2 Samuel 22:14 also describes God's voice like thunder: "The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded." Furthermore, God speaks to people in whatever language they understand, no matter how strange or even rough that language may sound to a person who doesn't speak it. Brian Johnson, Angus Young & Malcolm Young

200 Good News Bookie (Live) Parody of "Boot Scootin' Boogie" by Brooks & Dunn New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 7 John 20:30-31 A tribute to our favorite 66 books, now available in one volume (Hint: it's not the "Left Behind" series or even the Hardy Boys!) We recorded this one live at Calvary Chapel Sawgrass Church in the Davie section of Miami FL in October 2004, but we've been playing the parody occasionally in concert since It actually appeared on a "live" cassette we did called "Fredericktown" back in People have been asking us to put it out on CD for years. It's a tribute to the Bible, and to the Gideons who put those Gideon Bibles in hotels all over the world. Being in a touring band, we stay in a lot of hotels. I take great joy when I open up a hotel drawer and find a Gideon Bible there. One of my favorite possessions when I first became a born again Christian was my pocket Gideons New Testament with Psalms & Proverbs. I carried it around in my pocket everywhere I went and I read it all the time. It got so worn and torn from all that use that I actually went through a few copies. And I gave away some other ones. I learned a lot of the salvation verses we use in songs from the inside covers of those pocket Gideon Bibles. Ronnie Dunn Across the country in every city of any size Well, there's a hotel room with a Gideon's Bible The drawer gets opened and a Bible is always found It's got history, wisdom, music and poems It's where you can find some hope 'cause it's a Good News Bookie We got a good God, He ain't hard to discover When I get a Bible, I read it cover to cover I find me that big black book and get the Lord's advice If you're tryin' to find the way, read it right away Plop down with the book -- read the Good News Bookie Whoa! Years ago, don't ya know God almighty wrote the Good News Whoa! Bible is fact, Jack, and it's gonna outlast those other books Whoa! It's found all around every town -- Good News Bookie My friend just asked me, he said, "John, what about me? "I want a copy of that leather-bonded bookie that you read "I just was wonderin' if they got it in the stores you can buy" I said, "It outsells every other book on the street "But I've got one you can keep. Here's a Good News Bookie!" Whoa! Years ago, don't ya know God almighty wrote the Good News Whoa! Grab a little black book, it could change your outlook, you know it could Whoa! Get saved! Turn the page! Go and pray! Good News Bookie REPEAT FIRST CHORUS

201 Hotel Can't Afford Ya Parody of "Hotel California" by the Eagles New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 8 Luke 2:7 This song is the story of the Nativity told from the perspective of Jesus' foster father, Joseph. I remember getting the idea for this one in a Giant Eagle supermarket parking lot near my home in Pittsburgh in Snow was falling, and the original song was on the radio. We originally released "Hotel Can't Afford Ya" on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" in 1998, but after playing it live for a few years, we felt we could do a much better job. Consequently, when we made a Christmas EP in 2001, we decided to re-record "Hotel," and we also added the Eagles puns at the beginning and the "Silent Night" part at the end. Since the Christmas EPs were never available in stores but included some of our favorite parodies, we put four of those songs on "New & Used Hits." Don Felder, Don Henley & Glenn Frey From a dark desert highway we pulled into the inn Rome called for a census -- I was from Bethlehem Up above from a distance a star was giving me light My wife was heavy cause her child was due -- We had to stop for the night So we stood in the doorway of Bethlehem Hotel And I was thinking to myself, "I hope to Heaven they'll give me some help" But they told us no-can-do and they sent me away "There's a place around the corner though where you both can stay" Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya Such a lovely place but we're out of space Ran out of room and the hotel can't afford ya It's the time of year -- with the census here My wife was definitely gifted -- That's what the Lord's angel said She was about to have a baby boy while still virgin Spent the night in a barnyard -- cheap slumlord's rent Some night to remember -- some night to forget So because of what happened I was grieving for my wife I said, they probably haven't cleaned in here since B.C. 65 Animal voices were calling for straw and hay Keep you up through the middle of the night just as if to say Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya It's a lovely place, but we're out of space Holiday rush and the hotel can't afford ya What a nice surprise for your silent night He was born that evening and shepherds came that night And they said, We are all just visitors here -- of the Holy Christ And in an ass's manger, they found the boy asleep They started gettin' teary eyed so they went back to their sheep Last thing I remember there were wise men at the door They had a bunch of packages from the place they were before We're late, said the wise men, We had problems Christmas Eve We've been checking out your shiny light all through the Middle East

202 Micah No. 5 Parody of "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 9 Micah 5:2 This song is based on an important Messianic prophecy from Micah 5:2, "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times." I got the lines for the chorus on a personal trip back from Kentucky in the spring of 2000, and I thought it was a shame I couldn't do something with it. When we decided to the Christmas EP, I finished this up for that. I know I got some of the last parts for it on a trip to Ross Park Mall in Pittsburgh to pick up something we'd forgotten there. It's still one of my favorite ApologetiX songs. Bill Hubauer sampled one or two of his kids for some of the noises in this song. Damaso Perez Prado, Lou Bega, & Zippy Ladies and Gentlemen... it's in Micah #5 Want... to... read verse 5 2 in Micah in the Bible cause it prophesies To the little town of Bethlehem and The Lord says it once was pretty puny But it's really important In about 700 B.C. Old Micah said the Son of God would be Born eventually, prophetically in Bethlehem Ephrathah The birthplace of King David Now you get the Saviour So what can I do to really thank You my Lord I see Your birthday is just around the corner Anything I buy, it's all Yours Tell me somethin' to get You, I'm stumped here A little bit of Hannukah -- candlelight A little bit of caroling -- songs outside A little bitty wreath -- that's small and green A little bit of tinsel -- on my tree A little bit of Santa -- just for fun A little bit of Mary -- she's Christ's mom Oh little town of Bethlehem -- in the sand A little baby, too -- hey, He's the Man! Micah No. 5! God's Son came down -- They moved Him all around Came to Bethlehem town but then Herod tracked Him down So His mom and dad left -- on one sad night Went down to Egypt -- and once Herod died Nazareth was -- the place that they'd reside They said it looks like this kid is gonna be the Christ CHORUS Trust it! I trust it! Micah No ha, ha, ha CHORUS Micah 5:2 God above has a bird's-eye view His human Son was prophesied You can read it in Micah 5 Micah No. 5

203 December 5 or 6 B.C. (Oh Holy Night) Parody of "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)" by The Four Seasons New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 10 Colossians 2:16-17, Romans 14:4-6 Some religious groups don't celebrate Christmas, because it replaced an old pagan holiday called Saturnalia. Hey, why can't we celebrate the fact that Christ replaced those pagan traditions? The strategy worked; nobody remembers Saturnalia! Those same people point out that we don't know exactly when Jesus was born, and they say it probably wasn't in December. Hey, whenever Christ was born, we do know that He WAS born, and that's cause enough for celebration... any day and every day you want. And the Bible allows us leeway to celebrate as our consciences dictate (Colossians 2:16-17 and Romans 14:4-6). This parody was written in 1995 or 1996, I think. I remember being in grade school the first time this song came around. My friend, Dave Rhodes, had a 45 record of it that we used to listen to while we played with Matchbox cars and superhero action figures. When the song became a top 10 hit again in 1994, I thought it would be cool to do something with it. The rap parts for this song were written at the last minute during the first recording session and before the second session that night. Robert Gaudio & Judy M. Parker Oh, holy night -- Late December 5 or 6 B.C. Was a special time in history In Bethlehem -- oh, holy night Oh, holy night -- You know we still don't even know the date The time of year or month when Jesus came Celebrate it every night Oh, I -- I got a funny feeling that the Lord ain't amused When we fight-- about which holidays we all should use Oh, holy night -- It's not timing that's the vital thing Jesus never changes seasonally -- Late December or July Why raise a fuss about which holy days are better? Those things are shadows now and Jesus is all that matters Oh, holy night FIRST RAP Scholars ain t sure 'bout the birth of our Lord It could 6 B.C., 5 B.C. 4 The current way we figure out time was not designed Till 500 years after Christ arrived and died And the guy who tried to find the right time when Christ had died And design the time line with B.C. and A.D. Should get a B, C, or a D for sloppy math And maybe a new abacus on top of that Oh, wow, Co-loss-i-ans 2:16, let no one judge you In regard to sabbaths, holidays or what's good food Oh, holy night Put the tinsel on the tree tonight Read along in Romans 14:5 -- Celebrate it when you like SECOND RAP Frankly in the valley of death He's a powerful shepherd in December Or whatever date the calendar sets I think I counted 11 months without it and yet The Christmas holiday gets a vast amount of attention So I thought I would mention that we don t know just when the Holy blessed event took place -- It might have been May The Bible ain t specific about the month or the day With Orthodox Christmas it s January 6th For the rest of us Christians December 25th But the most important thing is that Christ is Lord and King And that s all the more reason to lift up the Lord Jesus In all the four seasons The Christmas rush may be over in December But up in Heaven they'll be praising the Lord forever Oh, holy night

204 Santa Claus Parody of "Panama" by Van Halen New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 11 Luke 2:11 This song starts with a kid who thinks Christmas is all about Santa Claus and then focuses on the real Reason for the season. This was a goofy parody Karl and I got the idea for one night while we were in the food court of an Ohio turnpike rest area. Our bass player, Keith Haynie, is a huge fan of Santa Claus (and Van Halen). Some of the inspiration for this tune probably comes from the old Larry Norman song "Christmastime" from his "So Long Ago... the Garden" album. David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen & Edward Van Halen Mom, Dad! What's that sound? Here he comes -- don't call the cops now That dude -- heard about his attitude Naughty kids will get -- zero Christmas gifts Don't you know he's coming Christmas Eve? I'm gonna toss and turn -- I'll get up! Santa Claus, Santa Claus Santa Claus, Santa Claus (oh ho ho ho ho) Ain't nothin' like him that I've ever seen Got to fly around the world -- he's a human sardine How'd you -- climb on down my chimney flue? Got my mom and dad comin' to my bedroom: "Don't you know who's coming Christmas Eve? Don't lose Him in the rush!" I give up! Huh?!! Santa Claus, Santa Claus Santa Claus, Santa Claus (oh ho ho ho ho) SPOKEN: Yeah, there's somethin' the little kid forgot tonight I can barely see the star for the tree comin' off of it If I reach down I can see the manger Reason for the season Gift buying -- time's flying Got to find the real true meaning Got the feeling something's missing Christmas shopping ain't no fun without Son of God, Son of God Son of God, Son of God, (oh ho ho ho ho) Son of God, Son of God, (oh ho ho ho ho) Son of God!

205 It's Not Eden Parody of "Superman (It's Not Easy)" by Five for Fighting New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 12 Genesis 3:1-24; 1 Timothy 2:1; 1 John 1:8 Adam talks to God and the listener right after the fall. A bittersweet song filled with remorse, yet coupled with hope in the future. I wasn't that impressed with the original version of this song till I saw the video for it while out for dinner with the band guys and our families at the Hard Rock Cafe in Pittsburgh. Something about that stuck with me, and then I started getting lyrics for it, and they were too beautiful to abandon. I really felt like God was inspiring it. I shared them with my wife, and she loved them. This song and "Called My Wife" are the main reasons why the album is called "Adam Up." Of all the tracks on "Adam Up," this song is probably the one the band members think turned out best. John Ondrasik I can t stand to lie; I got that from Eve I just had a bite; You gave her, Lord, to me I warned her at first; I more than explained That s more than some pretty fruit beside a snake And it s not easy to be deceived I wish that I could hide, find a pile of leaves Finally we re wise, now my home I ll never see There may be a curse upon me like Eve But even she will have a righteous seed I may be just dirt, but once she conceives Even we may have our rights redeemed But it s not easy to be with Eve Told us get away, away from here, but it s all alright We can all be grounded tonight I m not angry or anything I can t stand to fight; I m not mad at Eve Men weren t meant for pride; it clouds the things they need I m only a man, but still You said she d Be pregnant with kids tonight and that s one way we Know there s a plan, so Lord we ll yet seek Looking for special things inside of Eve, in spite of me In spite of me, inside of Eve, in spite of me I m only a man in Genesis three I m only a man lookin for a seed I m the only man and there s only just Eve And it s not Eden It s not easy to leave here

206 Meshach Parody of "Love Shack" by The B-52's New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 13 Daniel 1:7, 3:1-30; 1 Peter 4:12-13 The story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, with a new wave, dance twist. I got the idea for this one in the late 1990's and the first few lines and chorus on a car trip to Cincinnati or Kentucky in the spring of I was going to give up on the song then, but the guys in the band and our wives liked it so much that I saved what I had. Even though the song was started so early, I didn't get the last third of it until we were well into the recording of "Adam Up." Although we recorded this song with the Ross sisters from Everlife, I wasn't there when they recorded their parts. I recorded my parts and guide vocals for them, and Karl recorded their vocals later and showed them their parts. Karl's a miracle worker for making that song come together. He was a great vocal coach for me in getting a B- 52's sound, and I know he was a big help to the Everlife girls, too. We didn't perform the song together with Everlife until a concert in San Diego in the spring of 2004, but Bill Hubauer wasn't there to do the keyboard parts. The second time we peformed the song "live" was in Greensburg PA in August This time everybody was there, including Everlife and Bill Hubauer. Frederick Schneider, Catherine Pierson, Keith Strickland & Cindy Wilson Hey, there's three real famous guys in the Bible you know And the in-between guy's name is Meee-shach! Meschach, yeah, yeah I read about them in Daniel one day Look in chapter 1:7 babe And then you can go get their names They got treated harsh by the king of the world (go get their names) When they didn't bow down to his gold statue (go get their names) They got in a crisis and just about perished from burnin' up Hey, king, your joke's not funny Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with Mean King Neb'chadnezzar Meshach, baby ah Meshach baby Meshach, baby, Shadrach, Meshach, baby, Shadrach Ah, babe, Abednego s last Simon says, kneel and pray fools You must do as the law says! Well, sittin way back in the middle of a field There s a 90-foot statue; ya gotta pray to that Glitter on the statue didn t make the guys pray Even if they got scorched, they would trust in Yahweh Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with Mean King Neb'chadnezzar Meshach, baby Meshach baby Meshach Neb chadnezzar s mad Meshach s no scaredy cat Huffin and a hissin guess he wasn t bluffin Nebuchadnezzar shoved em in the hottest of ovens But hold on kiddies Cause everybody s movin around and around and around and around Nebby got confused and said, I thought we threw them in with Ropes tied em up now guys how d they get out? There s four bodies movin there s another dude in there and Come here, Meschach want you to come back! Often a crisis looks as big as a whale and you re about to get nailed But God isn t far, He sees you now buddy So come on and pray you re cool, stop running CHORUS Wait, wait, wait on the Lord, baby! Talk a little louder soldier Wait, wait, wait on the Lord baby! I can t hear you! Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Wait, wait! On the Lord! Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Batman! Girls, what?!! Same tune trust me Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps, yeah) Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps) (Hope you learned a lesson standin in the oven with a-meshach)

207 Lifestyles of the Rich & Nameless Parody of "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" by Good Charlotte New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 14 Luke 12:16-21, 16:19-31, 18:18-30; 1 Timothy 6:6-10; Matthew 6:19-21,19:16-30; Mark 10:17-30; Proverbs 16:8, 22:1; John 12:8; Galatians 2:10;James 2:5-6, The parable of Lazarus and the rich man, who Jesus chose to remain nameless. The idea for the title came first in January The second half of the lyrics on the way home from a San Diego trip in June 2003, in the rental car, in the airport and on the plane. Benji Madden & Joel Madden I know a scene you ought to see I read it in Luke 16 So let me be I wanna set the scene A wealthy dude his name s unknown inside his sprawling home Stuffing his mouth with that life of ease While Lazarus is thin and weak, down the driveway on the street I don t think he will survive If he could get that nameless dude to feed him some leftover food He d take the crumbs now as they d fall, if they would fall Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless The solid gold bracelets don t make you blameless His money is not the problem He forgot Lazarus; Think Jesus saw them Did you know the rich and nameless dude eventually died And when he woke up things were on the fiery side With Lazarus across the chasm and Abraham talked to him He said, You know it s really hot in here, my throat is cracked Send Lazarus to me, O Father Abraham He can always just run some water down to me I d like to help you get a drink, Abraham said, Honestly, I don t think that would suffice But he s already paid his dues Now he is somewhere else than you You think that s someone else s fault? Maybe not Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless They re always so shameless God plays no favorites It s funny yet such a shocker How he demanded, Bring me some water! Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless The one with no status God made so famous It s funny to watch the process Because somebody prosperous He made anonymous Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless Designer clothes get spots and holes; Let s shop at Payless Lifestyles of the rich and nameless Lights out for the rich and nameless Find out what 2:16 James says

208 Wherever You Will Sow (Live) Parody of "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 15 Matthew 13:1-30; Mark 4:1-20, 4:26-29; Luke 8:1-15; Isaiah 55:10-11; Psalm 126:5-6; 1 Corinthians 15:35-45 A song of hope for Christians who have sown the Word of God in tears (Psalm 126:5-6) in hopes of a harvest among non- Christian friends and family members. God s word never comes back void without accomplishing the purpose for which He sent it out (Isaiah 55:11) This song was a last-minute candidate for the "Grace Period" CD along with "Flurry" by Puddle of Mudd. I got an idea for "Flurry" in time, but not for "Wherever You Will Go." When I go the idea for "Wherever You Will Sew," it knocked me out. It was like the song was slowly writing itself over time and I was just watching. I totally believe that God inspired it, although I never heard an audible voice or anything telling me what to write. I know this is the favorite song of a number of ApologetiX fans, particularly women, and I know it's one of my favorites and my wife's favorites, too. But I can't take credit for it. So lately you re wondering who really cares to take Christ s grace Well, Christ taught that seeds of new life get scattered on Earth s face If a grain of wheat shall fall, yeah, fall upon good soil In between the sand and stone, Good News makes that crop to grow Yes, I ve learned that Christ s word will grow wherever you will sow Wait a while, hold out hope -- it grows wherever you will sow And maybe you re fried now, afraid you ve wasted bags of grain You watered, you tried to do your darnedest, all in vain If as great a faith as Paul s can follow after Saul Then there s hope for someone out there who you think rejected you Yes, I ve learned that Christ s word will grow wherever you will sow There s all kinds of ground though it grows wherever you will sow Some it may hit the rocks, some it may hit the road Some it may hit the thorns I know now there s dry ground but lives you love might still grow strong Give their hearts some more time and state the truth for all mankind Yes, I ve learned that Christ s word will grow wherever you will sow We all cry, we ll shout though -- as Psalm 126 will show We might return back cryin Christ s word is never useless though Read Isaiah 55 by verse 11 you will know It grows wherever you will sow I remember getting some of the lyrics for this song, particularly the chorus, in the spring of 2003 while driving around the North Hills of Pittsburgh and some of the rest of them in the second and third vese in while sitting up late one night watching T.V. at my in-laws house in Mayfield KY after everybody had gone to bed. We explain what this song is all about in the intro to the "live" version on "New & Used Hits: The Best of ApologetiX Vol. 1 & 2." Aaron Kamin & Alex Band

209 The Devil Went Down to Jordan Parody of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by Charlie Daniels New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 16 Matt. 4:1-11 In the original song we spoofed here, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," I always felt like the devil won. Sure, he might have lost the fiddle competition with Johnny, but he won the war, because Johnny was even more proud and arrogant at the end than he was at the beginning. That's not how you beat the devil. This parody tells the famous story of Jesus being tempted by the devil in the wilderness. The devil tried to appeal to Jesus' pride, but, unlike Johnny, Jesus didn't take the bait. He always appealed to the authority of Scripture when he answered the devil. Even when the devil tried taking the Bible out of context, Jesus put it back in context. Our parody is called "The Devil Went Down to Jordan," because Jesus was "led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil" right after being baptized in the Jordan. This song was originally slated for the "Jesus Christ Morningstar" CD, but we didn't have a fiddle player at the time. We still didn't have one when we recorded the track for "Grace Period" in 2002, but Pittsburgh native John Parrendo of the country band Blackhawk graciously guest starred for us. The fiddler featured on our "Hits: The Road" version is none other than ApologetiX keyboardist Bill "Wild Thing" Hubauer. J. T. Crain Jr., W. J. DiGregorio, F. L. Edwards, C. F. Hayward, J.W. Marshall, and C. Daniels The devil went down to the Jordan He was lookin' for a show to steal He was in a bind 'cause Jesus came to find The people willing to make it real And he came upon the Son of Man Saw He had no vittles and was prayin' to God Then the devil jumped upon the chance to tempt Him Said "Boy, let me tell ya, it's hot!" "I guess you didn't know it but I'm a vittle craver too "And kid I'm scared this desert air might get the best of you "Now you ain't been eatin' your vittles boy "But, kid, your dinner is due "So if you're really God's son, then turn these stones To bread and I'll butter it for you." The Lord said, "I am hungry, but that would be a sin "Cause it ain't by bread man's gonna be fed "But by the Word God's given him." John the Baptist washed the Lord and there's where it all starts Cause Jesus left the Jordan and the devil hit Him hard And if He wins we get to walk on Heaven's streets of gold But if He sins, the devil gets your soul The devil took Him up in space and said, "Christ, start to throw "Yourself off of this temple top as I'm watchin' from below "Cause I'm sure You know that God will bring All His angels to assist And then men would believe that You're Him If they saw You did something like this" When the devil finished, Jesus said "Well, you're temptin' God, old son And it's written down in that book right there That thing shouldn't ever be done Shout from the mountain what God's done The devil ain't a match for the rising Son You can never tempt God, did you not know Man, he doesn't live by bread alone The devil finally said, "Jesus, if You'll just worship me Then I ll give you gold that glitters All these crowns, and all You see" Jesus said, "Devil, just turn on back Cause I'm never gonna buy your scam I love God too much, I'm gonna resist I'd suggest you'd better scram!" And we say CHORUS

210 Corinthians Parody of "In the End" by Linkin Park New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 17 1 Cor. 13 I got the idea for this song in the shower, and I remember working on it right after we bought our used 2000 Dodge Caravan, and also on the street where my wife's grandmother used to live. Some Linkin Park fans have taken offense at the fact that we spoofed "In the End." They ask why we felt it necessary to change the words to what they consider to be a perfectly good song both musically and lyrically. Granted, there are many, many songs that we spoof that have appalling lyrics in their original form. But that s not the primary reason we spoof them. We do this because we specialize in parodies. It's a talent God has given us, and we like to spoof all forms of music. We're not saying that Linkin Park s original version is bad or immoral, although it is pretty sad. The singer is bitter and despondent ( in the end, it doesn t really matter) over his former girlfriend/lover who treated him bad. In the end, nobody wins in that song. When we decided to spoof that song, I thought about that song and how both of them probably thought they had loved each other at one time in the past, and in the end, neither one really did; she treated him wrong, and he ends up bitter with nothing really good to say about her. I thought about our concept today of love and how it s so different from what the Bible says real love is like. Real love is patient, kind, isn t jealous, doesn t keep a record of wrongs, etc. It's a startling contrast and that makes for good parody. Plenty of people like our parody, "Corinthians," but it s O.K. if you don t. We understand your feelings (if it hurts you when you think somebody is making fun of Linkin Park, imagine how we feel as millions make fun of Jesus Christ and Christianity), but we did want you to know that we're not trying to make fun of Linkin Park or say that their original song isn t good. Linkin Park It starts with love Young thing -- I don't know why You didn't read the letter our Lord supplied With that in mind I revised this rhyme to explain to you guys all I know Love is a wonderful thing Watch the fly guys with the Benjamins sing Watch the countdown that the MTV plays I got ticked by the way It's so unreal -- Britney and Jennifer Lo Watch the wardrobe -- looks like a window Tryin' to hold on to itty bitty clothes You pasted them on -- this is not true love I guess everything's a hybrid breeding love and pride In small jealous hearts What it gets to be is essentially just a parody Like this rhyme is of Linkin Park You tried so hard -- but love's so far Corinthians -- it doesn't even matter If love's too small -- you lose it all Corinthians -- first letter, thirteenth chapter Love waits -- it's also kind It doesn't envy, brag, or grow hard with pride Keeps things polite, doesn't like to fight It denies itself, while it tries no harm If I have the faith and philosophy Acting like I was smarter than Socrates And every language and tongue and prophecy I could die and not go far If at the stake they burned me or I could've given every dime to many poor If love's lackin' throw me back then Buddy, Paul wrote that to Corinthians It bears everything, besides, believes and hopes, abides That Paul fella's smart Love he said to me will eventually keep no memory Of your crimes 'cause it finds no fault CHORUS It likes what's just and true Dislikes what's unrighteous though Failure is the only one thing it can't know The things that last are few Just have faith and love and hope From all these, there's only one thing you need most

211 Baa! We're Lambs Parody of "Barbara Ann" by Beach Boys New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 18 Psalm 23, John 10:1-30, Matt. 25:31-46, Heb. 13:20, 1 Peter 2:25, 5:4, Luke 10:3 Everybody out there knows the famous opening line of the 23rd Psalm, The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Speaking as a person whose owned both sheep and goats (check out the photo on the inside of the Jesus Christ Morningstar CD booklet), it s not as easy to keep sheep in line as you might think (Goats, much to my surprise, were a cinch.) I remember chasing my first sheep, Sparky, for a long time all over the place MANY times to try and get him where he needed to be. But that s nothing compared to how hard and how often God has had to chase me to get me where I needed to be. This song is one of our silliest endeavors, but it s also one of our most-beloved parodies. I knew it would be popular with kids when I wrote it back in the mid-1990's, but I also figured it would take a few years to convince the guys in the band that we should do it. We deliberately put it last on "Grace Period" so people would know that we realized how silly it was. When I was listening to the playback of the "Grace Period" CD for the first time, I forgot about this song, so when it came on last, it really cracked me up. I couldn't believe how nicely it turned out. A couple other independent Christian groups I know of have covered this song. That was a real kick, and they've both done great jobs. Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa I'm a lamb -- in God's hand -- I'm a lamb He's got a flock of lambs who know Him Robbers cannot steal 'em from His hand Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs Went through the fence, lookin' for some friends God saw me scram so He brought me back again Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand You got to follow where He's goin' God'll take you in the Promised Land CHORUS Tried many moves -- Tried getting loose Tried petting zoos but I knew they wouldn't do Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand You got to follow where He's goin' God'll take you in the Promised Land Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs CHORUS Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs... The first parody I ever heard of this song was on Welcome Back, Kotter. Remember that one? Fred Fassert

212 Smooth Grandmama Parody of "Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm, Michael Jackson New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 19 1 Tim. 5:5, 2 Tim. 1:5 Most Christians can point to somebody in their lives who was a huge influence in bringing them to a saving faith in Christ. Sometimes it was that fanatical parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle whose faith scared you to death but they loved you to eternal life. This parody takes a humorous look at one of those situations. The original version of this song was about a girl being stalked by a man; the parody s about a guy being stalked by his grandmother, because she wants him (and her whole family) to become a Christian. It s reminiscent of Paul s quote to his disciple Timothy in 2 Tim. 1:5: I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." This is one of the biggest hits we ever had, and it hit the top 25 on the national Christian rock charts. It was even given its own entry on Wikipedia! I originally considered making this song about David & Goliath and calling it "Smooth Skimming Stones," but thankfully, I wasn't satisfied with that. Besides, we already had a few songs about that story. Once I got the "Smooth Grandmama" theme, the ideas started pouring out. I played Karl what I had written and he loved it, and said, "Make sure you get 'chocolate' and 'Ben Gay" in there someplace." Michael Jackson As he came up to the window, heard the sound of Barry Manilow He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay and the chocolate She was sitting at the table, he could see she had a Bible So she ran into the bedroom, got her teeth down and her perfume Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny? (4X) Granny's not an old maid, she's a zealot with a bold faith She's a kind-hearted widow and she bought you a Nintendo, last week You came into her apartment, left the mudstains on the carpet And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby Granny causes road rage in the slow lanes, she's no Andretti Granny's got the whole day to go pray for all her family You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama So she came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made Then the book of Revelation was the topic of conversation Granny says, you know, babe, the Lord says in verse 3:20 He's standing at the doorway, so don't waste a moment, honey And you gotta go pray or else, babe, He won't gain entry Then you told her OK, I want saved, I'll go pray, Granny Granny told you, OK, first you tell Him that you're sorry Believe He died for your sins, though And accept Him and repento -- Whammy! He came into your heart then, you were prostrate on the carpet Then she ran you to the next room You were sat down, there was more food Granny karaokes to old tapes of Sandi Patty You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama Granny had a roast made and potatoes that were homemade And she buys Poppin' Fresh Dough So she baked you some crescent rolls, man, eat! You came into her apartment, and the blessings only started And then your Granny took and fed you You were stuffed now; it was her food Granny brought you cold grapes and poached eggs and bowls of candy Granny brought you milkshakes and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy Granny's artichokes make your throat gag so don't take any And before you go, babe, you must take a roast beef sandwich

213 Life Restored Parody of "Last Resort" by Papa Roach New and Used Hits Disc 1, Track 20 Romans 3:10-23, 5:8, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9 "Last Resort" was about somebody at the end of their rope, trying to decide if they wanted to hang themselves with it. "Life Restored" is about somebody at the beginning of their hope, trying to share it with others. I'm pretty sure I got the idea for this song while mowing the lawn the Saturday before Easter in We've had people tell us personally that God used this song to bring them to Christ. That's best thing anybody can tell us about one of our parodies. Papa Roach Plug my life into Jesus -- this gets my life restored Such a cakewalk -- no brainer Don't need to fuss if I call on our savior This gets my life restored Plugged my life into Jesus -- I've seen my life restored Such a cakewalk -- no brainer Don't need to fuss since I called Him my savior Do not even care if I die later Cause I belong to Jesus Christ If they took my life tonight -- chances are I'd arrive In a place that's out of sight -- and I'm confident I'm doin' fine 'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind This all started with Romans 10:9 Doing what's right, doin' quite fine This all started with Romans 10:9 I never realized I was meant to live To live a new life if I would let Him within Told me -- death is the payoff for living in sin End the cycle when you're born again It all started when I first discovered The Book on my shelf and read cover to cover Searching -- to find religion that held my attention Finding -- something called Christian redemption 'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind This all started with Romans 10:9 Doing what's right, doin' quite fine This all started with Romans 10:9 I'll be all right -- I'll be just fine You're runnin' out of time I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine I can't go wrong living this way Plug my life into Jesus This gets my life restored Selfish nature -- don't need it Go give it up -- you can conquer your demons Would it be wrong for me to pry If you give your life to Christ -- Chances are dynamite You will make it out alive -- and I'm confident you'll do it right 'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind This all started with Romans 10:9 Doing what's right, doin' quite fine This all started with Romans 10:9 I'll be all right -- I'll be just fine -- You're runnin' out of time I can't go wrong livin' this way -- Can't go wrong living this way I'll be all -- right

214 Bethlehemian Rhapsody (2001) Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 1 1 Samuel 17 Yep, it s the same song we spoofed on Radical History Tour, and it s still about David and Goliath, but we gave the lyrics a major overhaul in early 2001 (I think only one or two lines survived) and the vocals, instrumentation and production are much better than the original. This is one of our most popular parodies, and Queen's guitarist, Brian May, even had a story posted about it on his website. Freddie Mercury Is this a real guy? Is he just fantasy? 'Cause of his grand size, no one's safe from fatality Open your eyes, look up at Goliath, and see: GOLIATH I m dressed for war, boys. I need no infantry Because I'll meet the one you propose Israelites, pick my foe Anyway, I'll win, so it doesn t really matter to me DAVID Mama, there's still no man who can come against this threat You might figure now we're dead Mama, Goliath is testing us And know he's gonna know they re all afraid Mama, ooh ooh ooh, he's a mean and crazy guy He'll come right back again this time tomorrow Scaring us, scaring us -- cause he wants to meet in battle Hooray! My time has come Been a shepherd all my life -- but I'm taking on this giant Goodbye, everybody -- but not for long God will lead me all the while I face this brute C'mon! Ooh ooh ooh! (David you re a wimp though) I'm not gonna die The One who wins my battles is Lord of all GOLIATH I see a little silly shepherd not a man What are you tryin' to prove? You ll be chewed up and mangled! Send a boy to fight me? Very, very tiny flea! DAVID Gol-la-liath! Gol-la-liath! Gonna die you big galoot! I'll kick your butt! I trust the Lord but nobody trusts me CROWD He trusts the Lord, but suffers from insanity Daring to fight 'gainst this monstrosity DAVID Evil comes, evil goes -- You will get deposed GOLIATH I will not, no! I will not get deposed DAVID Yes, you will (Repeat) Your head will roll GOLIATH No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Come-to-me-a! Come-to-me-a! Let the eagles pick your bones Beelzebub and his devils gonna fight for me for me for me DAVID So you think you can scorn me and spit at my tribe? So you think you re above me just based on your size? Oh, baby... you ain't just duelin' David You're gonna get it now -- cause God'll win my battle here CROWD Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! DAVID Guys I m really flattered yet it wasn t me God wins every battle God wins every battle for me VOICE David will be king soon

215 The Real Sin Savior Parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 2 Rom. 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:20, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9, 13, Ps. 51:5, 17, John 8:36, 1 Timothy 1:15 This song is actually an altar call, although Eminem is one of the last people you d expect to see at an altar call. Of course, Christ calls a lot of people you wouldn't expect. And that s one of the points to this song. The Bible verse that probably best sums up this song is 1 Timothy 1:15: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst." I wrote this song in many different places over a long period of time in the first half of I remember getting some of the words while driving past Westmoreland Mall in Greensburg PA, in a McDonald's parking lot in New Stanton PA, and on the road on way home from South Carolina, among other places. The lyrics are filled with lots of things that were on my mind at the time. I wasn't sure that people would get everything that I was talking about, but they apparently did. It's easily one of our most popular parodies ever, and it won the 2002 American Christian Music Award for "Fringe Song of the Year." Marshall Mathers, Andre Young & M. Bradford May I have your repentance please? May I have your repentance please? Will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up? I repeat: will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up? We're gonna have to prod them here Y'all act like you never seen a nice person before, you oughta hope in the Lord Your panting tongue is just thirstin' for more You started lookin' around searchin' cause you're Uncertain you're sure you know where you're goin' eternally If you return to God... ah, wait, no, wait, we're sinning We couldn't get saved with the things we did, can we? And Dr. J. says -- nothing you did is such a grave sin it costs you salvation Ha Ha Heavenly livin s above every man "Chick-a-chick-a-chick-a he's crazy! I'm sick of them born agains Walkin' around askin' if you know God speakin of You Know Who Yeah, but there's no proof though" Yeah, probably got a couple of you who think I lack proof But no worse than what's goin' on in America's classrooms Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just spread the truth But can't -- but the school can tell me we come from evolution "My mama was a fish -- my mama was a fish "And if we're monkeys you might as well forget original sin!" And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to question on their own if God exists Of course they're gonna wonder if the Lord's fake by the time they hit fourth grade They got the Easter Bunny and Santa don't they? We ain't shinin' examples Well some of the scandals are caused by people posin' as evangelists But if Jesus loved His enemies and Pharisees Then there's no reason that you can't get another chance and believe But if you feel a slight chill, I got the anti-freeze This is not a fantasy, it's important and it's free I've sinned greatly, but Christ's for real, baby It's a wonder He saved me and just didn't hate me So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Yes, I've been crazy, yes, I've been real shady Always wanted Him to save me, but just didn't say it So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Will Smith don't gotta discuss the Christian path to salvation Well, I do -- it affects him and affects you too You think I give a care of he likes my parodies Half of you kiddies won't even look at me, let alone stare at me But J., what if we pray? Wouldn't we be weird? Why? Would you guys reject Christ just to fit with your peers So you can live in fear for the next 60 years? This ain't imaginary, better get prepared The price of sin yes it costs us dearly with death first And when that part is over if you ain't saved it gets much worse Little chance they'll put me now on MTV Yeah, it's true, but I think he'd scare all the kids -- ree ree! I said now's when they oughta know and John 3:3 It shows the whole world how they need born again to be free I'm singin' you little girls and boys spoofs -- all you do is ignore me Though I have been sent here to inform you And there's a million of us just like me you judge like me Were just like triple fudge ice cream; we're just quite sweet You watch Saul in Acts 9:3, you just might see you're just like him, you're not fightin' me I've sinned greatly, but Christ He still saved me From a hundred temptations and death, sin and Hades So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up Yes, my sinned shamed me, yet I've been healed lately God the Father forgave me from messin' with Satan So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up I'm like a breath mint you listen to but I'm only givin' you Things you thought about in your head with my religious group The only difference is I got the call to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be Paul -- the Book I quote has it all I just get out a Bible and read it and whether you like it you need it As sure as I can see that better than 90 percent of you happen to doubt me Then you wonder how can kids give up their values I tell you it's funny Cause at the place I'm goin' when I'm buried I'll see the only person in the world I know who s worthy He's the first and last and I'm J. Jackson I'm the worst And I'm a jerk and Jesus knows that but my braggin' wasn't workin' And every single person needs a sin savior urgently You could be working on a burglary or sittin' in a nunnery Or keepin' part of the law perfectly screamin' "I don't sin that much" Puttin' Christians down sayin' "It's just a crutch" So if you're still waiting please stand up 'cause this wonderful singer's time is eaten up And it's time to get off your behind and out of the row Come on down -- now is your chance -- how do I know? CHORUS I guess there s a sin Savior for all of us Let s all stand up

216 I Love Apostle Paul Parody of "I Love Rock and Roll" by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 3 Acts 9, 2 Timothy The verses of this song describe an anonymous prisoner's encounter with Paul. The choruses are lines that anybody could sing. This parody's been a fan favorite ever since we introduced it in I really do love the Apostle Paul. You learn so much about the guy from reading the book of Acts and then seeing his heart poured out to the churches and his friends in his epistles. My daughter Heather loves him, too. Once she turned four, she developed a fascination for him and was always asking me to tell stories about him. I got the idea for this song while driving to the Pittsburgh airport to pick up my fiancee. I always thought we could do this song better than we did on "Spoofernatural," which is one of the reasons we recorded a live version on "New & Used Hits" four years later. When we recorded the original, I'd forgotten to sing my last-minute revision to the opening line, but I sing it correctly in the live version. Consequently, on "Spoofernatural" I sing, "I saw him standing there writing letters to me," whereas on "New & Used Hits," I sing, "I saw him standing there writing letters in chains." J. Hooker & A. Merrill I saw him standin' there writin' letters in chains I knew he once had been a proud Pharisee His faith was kind of strong In God's favorite Son And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me Singin' I love Apostle Paul He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby I love Apostle Paul From Romans into Philemon yes indeed He smiled, so I got up and asked "Were you framed?" "Well, that don't matter," he said, "'cause I'm not ashamed" "For Jesus to take me home I need to be in Rome" When execution comes you'll see I'll be free, yeah free When execution comes you see, I'll be free indeed CHORUS His letters won't take you long You need to read them all So let's get movin' on and read 'em with me, yeah me And we'll review them all and see what became of Paul (In Second) Timothy CHORUS

217 Story of a Squirrel Parody of "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 3 Genesis 6-8, 2 Peter 2:5, 3:3-9, Matt. 24:37-39, Heb.11:7 This song gives some facts and figures on Noah's ark and the place where it landed, with plenty of laughs along for the ride. We thought it would be cute to tell it from the perspective of one of the animals. I remember getting ideas for this song while I was trying to repair something on my front porch. This song spawned not one but two ApologetiX t-shirts. John C. Hampson This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while things looked so dark and Noah's ark was absolutely flooded Yet she's fine How many days were they there? Afloat in the boat it was over one year And how come the world didn't prepare? Meteorologists said it would clear How could they stand that raining? Where was the hope in the souls of the crew? Life on the waves is severe when it's Gilligan's Island combined with a zoo But Noah was aware the world would get sprayed And the rain would never fall in quite the same way But two of every creature would come out of things O.K. This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while things looked so bad and Noah's raft was absolutely flooded Yet she's fine Have they discovered the place Where the boat came to rest when the rain was all drained? Why don't we climb up its face? Walk up the mountain from Genesis 8? It's probably still there waiting there in the snow in the cold altitude How do we get there today when you walk into Turkey and hiking's refused? They've closed up the Ararat Mountains these days There's terrorists there besides -- it ain't safe And they're 17,000 feet high -- I think we'll wait This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while she took no bath and those giraffes were absolutely stubborn Yet she's fine Well, you're told to prepare as well and get saved And the end of the world it might be on the way But you'd never think you'd run out of time today This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And when we look close at Jehovah's wrath I absolutely shudder This is the story of a squirrel -- I tried to sing it about the old girl But all this went so fast -- I've noticed that I accidentally snubbed her Yet she's fine -- Oh, yes, she's fine

218 Pray Now (Lost Art) Parody of "All Star" by Smash Mouth New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 5 Luke 11:9, Luke 18: 1-8, James 4:1-3, Matt. 6:33, Matt. 7:7, Luke 17:5,Matt. 17:20 This is a song about being persistent in prayer. Jim Morrison of the Doors once said (or, rather, shouted) "You cannot petition the Lord with prayer!" Nonsense. In Luke 18:1, it says "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." The Apostle John also says, "And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." (1 John 5:15) I got the idea for this song in the summer of 1999 during one of the most difficult times in my life. Prayer was very hard at the time, but it proved very productive. We had just spoofed Smash Mouth on our previous CD, so I wasn't keen to tackle them again so soon after. But I sang the other band members some of the first verse and the chorus that I had, and they insisted that I finish it. Greg Camp Somebody once told me "The Lord is not your roadie "You ain't the star so do it yourself." I said, "Look, it's kind of dumb If if there's things that I need done It's a shame not to call on the Lord's help." Well, my prayers start comin' and they don't stop comin' I read through the rules and I think I found somethin' Didn't make sense not to get more done I pray real hard cause the Heavenly Son Showed what to do, said knock and seek So what's wrong with praying and asking You better go look in Luke, bro 11:9 if you don't know Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway Pray now get a jump start get a move on get faith God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though There's a cool case so you're prayin' gets bolder You look it up Luke 18 yeah, let's go there When the meanest of men met the widow Judge he was, you know if you have the right scripture But I see his patience is gettin' pretty thin The woman gets annoyin' so he might as well give in The world's like that how about the Lord God already likes ya and you'll never get ignored Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway Pray now fourth chapter let me show ya in James God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though Somebody once asked Jesus give us the capacity To get ourselves a faith that is great He said, "Well, why ya want help? "You could move a little hill yourself "If you would all use a little faith." Well, my prayers start comin' and they don't stop comin' I read through the rules and I think I found somethin' Didn't make sense not to get more done Pray it smart cause the Heavenly Son Showed what to do, said knock and seek So what's wrong with praying and asking You'll never know if you don't go You better try if you don't know Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway Pray now get a jump start get a move on get faith God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though

219 Livin What Jesus Spoke of Parody of "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 6 John 3:3, Revelation 3:20 So you think "the wild life" is wild? Try living for Christ. I think my two favorite lines in this song are "Christ's real -- He ain't religion" and "He'll make you take your cross up and go stand against the grain." I got the idea for this parody while driving by myself from Maryland back to Pennsylvania. I really like the way the final track turned out. People have asked what I'm saying at the beginning of the song. I believe it's, "Did you ever wonder if Adam and Eve were In A Gadda Da Vida Loca?" Ricky Martin and Iron Butterfly... a match made in Heaven. R. Rosa & Desmond Child He's been through crucifixion That cat's been through it all Christ's real; He ain't religion God s Word s gonna save your soul He's into new creation Proved it when He came alive He's God are you a Christian? Forget those pagan lies He'll make you take your cross up And go stand against the grain He'll make you leave this crazy life But He'll take away your shame If you're truly born again - C'mon Let Christ in right now Livin' what Jesus spoke of Don t pussyfoot around Livin' what Jesus spoke of You'll live forever then And your sins He will dispose of He will bail you out Livin' what Jesus spoke of (3x) Wake up, you know you re sinnin' And it's fun till it leads to hell He took your part and He took your punishment He wants to save me and you as well Your newer nature's goin' to make your older friends complain But once you have a faith in Him you'll never be the same Cause I think you re gonna change C'mon CHORUS He'll make you take your cross up And go stand against the grain He'll make you leave this crazy life But He'll take away your shame Bite the bullet and get saved - C'mon CHORUS

220 Learn Some Deuteronomy Parody of "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 7 Romans 7:1-4, Galatians 3:19-25, James 2:10, Deuteronomy 27:26, Habakkuk 2:4, Leviticus 18:5 Everybody knows there were 10 Commandments given on Mount Sinai. But there are a total of 613 laws in the Old Testament, as catalogued in the Jewish Talmud. Many of them are found in the book of Deuteronomy. The Law is a wonderful thing, but that's not how we get into Heaven. Galatians 3:10 says, "All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything that is written in the Book of the Law.'" In fact, Galatians 2:16 also says "that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ." Like "I Love Apostle Paul," I thought we could do this song much better than we did on "Spoofernatural," so I suggested we rerecord it live on "New & Used Hits." Mutt Lange had all kinds of time in the studio to layer voices for the chorus. We settled for a lively crowd in New Hampshire. Steve Clark, Phil Collen, Joe Elliot, Robert John "Mutt" Lange & Rick Savage (Get with Christ... walk in faith) (You and me need... His grace!) Livin' by the law, babe, you're gonna get it wrong Livin' by the law will make you dead and gone Look at God's commands in Leviticus and Then in Deuteronomy you'll see it man Actually you'll have to read in chapter three tonight Of Galatians verses 19 through 25 Small crimes, any crime puts you in deep Christ is the Savior, sayin' look at Me (Yeah! Yeah! C'mon!) Take your Bible Shake it off Everybody breaks the law Learn some Deuteronomy can you name those laws Learn from Deuteronomy c'mon try because Learn your Deuteronomy you ain't good enough God's Law is tricky to keep born again you must be, yeah (Listen!) Read* the Bible, yeah we're liable, Jesus died though Grace is livin' Romans 7:1 and 4 There have been 613 written Bible laws We ain't exaggeratin' the Jews said so (the Jews said so) You gotta read Leviticus 18 and read a little more Deuteron'my 27, Habakkuk 2:4 Small crimes, any crime puts you in deep Read it in James 2:10 I'm sure you'll see (Yeah! Yeah! Read a little more!) CHORUS You come to Jesus Christ s got the key Jesus says come to me Cause God's law (law) is so hard it's tricky to keep Born again (yeah) amen you must be (Cause you're just a sinner) (Want some more proof?) CHORUS (NOTE: 613 laws from the Old Testament are catalogued in the Jewish Talmud) *Pronounced as the past tense of "read" (i.e. "red") All other occurrences of the word in the song are present tense.

221 Choirboy Parody of "Cowboy" by Kid Rock New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 8 Matt. 21:42, Mark 12:10, Luke 20:17, Psalm 118, Isaiah 28:16 This is a true story glitzed up with colorful phrasing. I really was a choirboy, and it started around fourth grade when my friend Bob Mignon convinced me to try out for the choir. He was so cool he even had a real working Star Trek phaser at home. At least that's what he told me. Funny thing is he didn't stick around in choir long, and I stayed with the choir for quite a few years. Even through college, people in my life saw me as the choirboy type, but inside, I knew what my heart was really like. God did, too, but He still saved me. I originally considered calling this song "Ploughboy" and writing it about the prophet Elisha. Years later, I found out that Cledus T. Judd went in that direction for his parody. I got the idea for "Choirboy" while sitting at a Burger King in Zelienople PA. I couldn't wait to tell my wife about it. I got a speeding ticket (and an earful from an angry Illinois state trooper) while working on this parody and driving the band van and trailer through Illinois on the way to a concert in South Dakota. I learned two things: 1. Illinois has a 55- speed limit if you're hauling a trailer. 2. Don't work on songs while driving a 15- passenger van and trailer; it makes you weave too much. R.J. Ritchie, M. Shafer, J. Trombly & J. Travis Well I m uh back in the fourth grade and I m uh 10 I guess When weird women thought we kids all lived to take tests Kinda kept to myself, real shy kid, I liked old rock songs and the pop'lar hits There was a kid talkin' 'bout a choir they got Said a lot of the spots were not locked because The guy who taught with the choir was still fillin' the rows And lots of kids couldn't sound the notes And he told me it's fun to sing with the choir, get known as a kid that God set apart Said to me you wanna? I'm gonna go try out for the choir fella you should come along Start attendin' church service in robes just like Jesus And get a spot in the Four Tops or Four Seasons That rocks! Cause I'm a real good voice, and I'm takin' that test, sucka, because I'm gonna be a choirboy, baby, with a top 10 smash and the nuns all smiling (Choirboy baby) Guess who s chillin with the boys choir (I m gonna be a choirboy baby) Shinin my light while the people pray (Choirboy baby) A cappella singer from a higher plane I let him hear my little vocals and he said, "You re in" I go "Ah ah ah ah ah" I dusted my friend Told him "You won t do there s no gown in your size" Well that s his loss my gown it fits fine They told me "Believe in Jesus Christ," I'll get Him after this part of my exciting life Cause if I time this right I'm gonna make like a Beach Boy And let California girls know why they all need a choirboy baby Better stop that act everyone s not buyin (Choirboy baby) Just like Dylan with a good voice (I m gonna be a choirboy baby) Hidin my life while I seem O.K. (Choirboy baby) I can tell a fib with a smiley face Yeah it rocked you can call me "blessed" only something s missin and I gotta confess Seems the sin that s in my head is growin wild and fast And it d get this kid kicked right out of Mass No kidding I m sittin in church gettin real bored Call the cops cause I m lost - Where s the cross and the Lord? Felt remorse and embarrassed and I tried to get right Felt like hangin down my head and hangin up my life (Huh!) Got famous rocked the eleventh grade cause director picked me for my senior play, yes Got to wear make-up rock band came up They told me sing lead but then the band breaks up Pride had got a grip on me, Robbed me of the sort of faith I d need I didn t know Jesus I just would beg Him for favors Finally straight out of college I made Him my Savior Now life s a pleasure this guy s legit I d always heard that Christians were radical idiots I make it my biz to dispel that notion and keep on trustin Him with all my devotion (Choirboy) with a rock band that s into song rewritin (Choirboy) spend all my time at finding words that rhyme (Choirboy) ridin at night cause the gigs I play (Choirboy) might be held at 800 miles away (Choirboy) with ApologetiX backin the songs I m rhymin (Choirboy) with a top 10 smash and the Son s inside me.

222 Jail Got Rocked Parody of "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 9 Acts 16:23-34 In Acts 16, Paul and Silas drove a demon out of a fortune-telling slave girl. They were rewarded with a beating and a night in jail. Despite this injustice, they sang praises to God while in prison. They were rewarded with an earthquake that set them free. Here's a song about what happened to them, and the effect it had on the jail keeper and his family. Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller Warden threw Paul and Silas down in jail The prisoners around 'em thought their plans had failed It started somethin' when the boys began to sing It shook the earth a lot and let the jailbirds spring In the stocks -- everybody was shocked Every door in each cell was unlocked When the Macedonian jail got rocked Silas started praisin' and it cracked some stone Little do they know it was a sign of what's to come A rumblin' noise it hit the boys and smashed those chains It broke the Richter scale -- it was a powerful thing CHORUS From the throne of Heaven came a thundering Tore right through the jail rather effortlessly They should've used a seismograph but honestly They wanted to but it was 51 AD CHORUS Macedonia prison in the time of Rome Was more like California when it all was done The warden said, "Hey buddy, could you please explain? Can you tell me what to do so I'll get saved? Let s talk!" CHORUS "If you just believe on the Lord Jesus Christ Warden, you can now repent and change your life Would you like forgiveness?" And he said, "Yes, yes! "You gotta stick around, I'm gonna get my kids! Let s talk!" CHORUS

223 One Way Parody of "One Week" by The Barenaked Ladies New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 10 Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24, John 6:44, 14:6; Luke 13:23-24, Acts 4:12, 1 Cor. 8:5-6; Deut. 5:7, 6:4, Exodus 20:3 The Bible has a lot of different ways of telling us there's only one way to Heaven. In other words, there are many verses but they all the say the same thing. Jesus makes it clear in John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Peter adds the following in Acts 4:12, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." And Paul elaborates in 1 Timothy 2:5: "For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus..." I remember working on this parody outside a Salvation Army church in Somerset PA. It's one of my all-time favorite ApologetiX songs. Ed Robertson It's been one way, take a look and see, up to Heaven, the Bible says it plainly False faith and philosophy can't get ya to Heaven -- come back to Jesus He's the way and the living truth You realize that all those false gods couldn't help you Yes indeed, He's forgiven me, and He can still get you saved if you say you're sorry Holy cow they got you hoodwinked with the pagan god thing I think you're lookin' at also rans But some of this superstition though it might be called religion Finds find you sizzlin' with the devil in the fryin' pan It's not like the Bible says it one time More like 300 times it says there's only one avenue First C'rinthians chapter 8:6, the Bible says this You try to tell me that it's not true I think you're makin' a mistake -- I'd like to take and wake and shake ya Like to tell you how to find yourself the way there Cause Jesus showed us and we know where every soul is gonna ago Unless n' they confess Him as their Lord and Savior I cannot help it if I think there's one way and you're mad Tryin' hard not to sin but you're still bad There's a time to die and after the funeral Then you'll understand what I mean when it's too real I have a tendency to stand behind John 14 John 14:6 could be my favorite Bible verse. It s been one way, take a look and see, Deuteronomy says it pretty plainly 5:7 the passage reads: "You shall have no other gods before me" (You can) read Exodus halfway through You read that line in chapter 20 'cause it's there, too Yes, indeed, chapter 20, verse 3 Now, it's written in two places for you, and you saw it (Catch your breath here) Check into China the Chinese Christians They haven t done zip but they're chained up in prison Cause they read their Bibles with the lights on or cause they prayed once Or cause they spoke on their religion In America it's more like getting dandruff, they see you stand up They snicker when they see you passin' by They'd cure us all of all our bad flaws -- They wanna make laws But if they did they'd have us sterilized They get upset at anyone who tries definin' God above They're so alarmed they always try to start attacking Their attitude is that you're rude and that no truth is absolute anyway, babe So let them think the wrong thing I cannot help it if I think there's one way into Heaven Kinda hard to ignore Matthew chapter 7 I can find the line in Acts chapter 4:12 Cannot be saved by the name of someone else I have First Timothy to verify my beliefs, there's quite a bit to read but 2:5's the verse It s been one way, take a look and see, drop your guard and your pride and say I'm sorry Bible says what you have to do It says you just confess that Christ is Lord -- He'll come in you Believe that He's risen, too, you'll realize you're born again, I wouldn't tease you Yes, indeed, we can all be saved But there will still be too many who won't say they're sorry And still Jesus waits till we say we're sorry And still Jesus waits so please say you're sorry At least God don't speak in code like Hammurabi

224 Enter Samson Parody of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 11 Judges This is a song about a guy with big hair who was having a bad hair day. That made for a big, bad hair day. When I got the idea for this song in , it was just too good to be true. The title said it all, and the music had just the mood of menace necessary to tell Samson's story. It turned out to be "some kind of monster" hit for us. It's possibly our most-requested song in concert, certainly in the top five alltime. We did an earlier version on the original "Radical History Tour" cassette in 1994, but we deleted it when we released "Radical History Tour" on CD in We knew the revised version we were about to put on "Biblical Graffiti" would be much better. Weird Al's drummer, Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz played on that second version. He did it in two takes with no advance practice, aside from the fact that he once played in a polka medley with Al. Amazing. If Samson were around today, I think he'd probably be a Metallica fan. And just like them, he started out with long hair, got it shaved off, and then started growing it long again. Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich & James Hetfield See my hair, it's so long! How'd I get so strong? There's a clue in this song I've got you pinned! Always win! Rip you limb from limb When old Samson is done! See this one guy only whippin' your Philistines! Exercise isn't why! Shave my head! I'll be just another man! Something's wrong 'cause my might headed south tonight In the arms of Delilah She was a thorn in my side, she would nag and cry And I think she's a spy Sleepin' when I woke up, in came the Philistines Exit might! End of sight! Chained my hands! Took me to another land! SPOKEN: Now they made me blind and weak They cavort and hold a feast If I die a foreign slave Pray the Lord these poles to shake Watch little pagans! Don't fail me Lord! They made me blind I'm sure you've heard Make this a feast they won't forget Bring their bloodshed on their heads! Make things right! End their lives! Take a stand! Take this life! End it right! Take my hands! Crush them into desert sand! Boom!

225 Kick in the Wall Pt. 2 Parody of "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2" by Pick Floyd New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 12 Joshua 6 This song takes the familiar story of the fall of the wall of Jericho (from Joshua chapter 6) and turns it into a worship song. We thought it only appropriate that we should place this song directly after the song about the spies who checked out Jericho. A slightly different version of this parody (same theme, same title) appeared on our first studio-recorded homemade cassette, "Parable Guy," in the fall of We don't need no ammunition Victory's in God's control The dark side cannot win the battle We believe in Him alone Praise beats ya -- even Jericho! All in all let's just say God will kick in the wall All in all we'll just pray God will kick in the wall It's interesting that although the Israelites had warriors, it was God who caused the wall to fall down. The Bible says "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." That's 2 Corinthians 10:4, good buddy. Roger Waters

226 Put You Down in my Will Parody of "Push" by Matchbox 20 New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 13 Isaiah 59:15-17, 1 John 4:10, Romans 5:8, Hebrews 13:8) One of my favorite parts of the Bible is a messianic passage in Isaiah 59:15b-16, written over 700 years before Christ, which says: "The LORD looked and was displeased that there was no justice. He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene; so his own arm worked salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him." I love the fact that God didn't just send some angel or some perfect human or anybody else to save the world. He came and took care of things Himself. How many times have we heard parents utter this threat to their kids: "Don't make me come down there!" God knew He had to come down here, and He loved us so much that He was willing to do so. This was the last parody written for the "Biblical Graffiti" project. It was added to the song list at the very last minute. I remember breaking the news to Karl on August 15, 1999, right before a Sunday concert in Millvale PA. I wasn't a huge fan of the lyrics to the original Matchbox 20 song, but these new lyrics were a gift from God. It was as if the song was writing itself in spite of me. With the new lyrics, I loved the song. Lyrically, this is one of the band's favorite songs. Rob Thomas & Matt Serletic He said, "I know no-one has ever been good enough I'm a little disgusted, yet I'll think up a plan for saving them And they don't know that the devil plays really rough But if Man would trust me, I've still got somethin left to give And it's a little bitty baby Well, this ain't over -- no, not yet -- Not while I still need to go down You don't know Me -- but I'll save you -- Yeah, I'll bless you real good I wanna put your name down in my will, in my will I wanna give you a crown, and I will, and I will I wanna save your poor planet I wanna save you, poor planet. Yeah, yeah, and I will." I said, "I don't know why You ever would die for me When I'm a criminal suspect, and the things I do are gonna hurt Ya And I don't know why You didn't just stay up there You made a plan to redeem me when my faith wasn't even worth a dime 'cause I'm a little unworthy" "Well, don't ya understand it?" Said my King to me "'cause I've been waitin' all along for you It's in Romans 5 verse 8. First John 4:10 explains it all" CHORUS "Although you don't know Jehovah Just pray to Me and I'll come in your heart, it may sound crazy, maybe Just trust Me baby -- I'll rush to save ya, save ya" CHORUS

227 Walk His Way Parody of "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 14 Acts 3:1-12 This is the story of a 40-year-old crippled beggar -- lame since birth -- who was healed by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the Apostles Peter and John in Acts chapter 3. That was the day he learned how to walk His way. Joe Perry & Steven Tyler Bad-footed brother, I was hopin' to recover but the doctors I'm sad to say Said "We can't do nothin' so you're down on your luck because You're sure to be lame to stay." It was clear to me that what I needed was to be the kind of guy you could never resist Had to beg for my supper with a system I discovered When I started as a little kid -- like this! LEAD See my sign sayin' "Give a coin to the poor"? Could you please find somethin' to spare? I'd say, "Hey, give a little bit of pity to a cripple!" When it seemed like they didn't care But I took a big step as the Bible says with some Christians who were ready to pray Cause it seemed my feet was ruined but they knew what they was doin' When the both of them appeared today And they told me to... walk His way (4x) They just gave me a gift -- like this! So John and Peter -- was a passin' by this afternoon for prayer time today at three I said, "Please, I'm beggin' -- put some gold in my pockets!" When they told me, "Baby, look here at me!" I was a-quite confused I never made it with my legs Until their voice told me somethin' was diff They said, "Forget those treasures 'cause we got a better favor." And they gave me just a little gift like this LEAD Things started tinglin' and the boys gave a pull with my feet flyin' up in the air Sayin', "Hey, it's a miracle!" It's really pretty clear because I didn't have to sit in a chair So I took a big step with my right foot and left With those Christians who were ready to pray Was a really big improvement 'cause they knew what they was doin' When they told me now to walk His way -- I'm goin' to Walk His way (8x) He just gave me a gift -- like this!

228 Narrow Way to Heaven Parody of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 15 Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24 John 6:44, 14:6 Jimmy Page & Robert Plant There's a way Jesus showed all us sinners must go And He called it the narrow way to Heaven If to get there's your goal -- with a pure heart and soul In His Word you can get what you came for Ooooooh and he described it right there in Matthew 7 There've been signs all along but you want to be sure Cause the road sometimes swerves as you're reading In the free Bible book, there in John 3:16, come find how all our faults are forgiven Two ways to ponder -- two ways to ponder There's a freeway of death and it hooks to the left And the steering and driving is easy It is not quite as seems -- see that smoke, feel the heat Hear the voice of the Lord who stands knockin' Ooooooh... it takes you under. Ooooooh... it really takes you under And it's His Word that's true -- if we all follow through Then the Bible will lead us to Jesus And the true way will dawn -- on those who've read John Chapter 14 verse 6 and thereafter Ooooooh... If there's a possible dead end road -- don't be a lost man It's best to think before you take it Yes, there are two paths you can go by -- but there's a wrong one But there's still time to change the road you're on Ooooooh... can it take you up there? You're headed somewhere but it won't go the place you wanna go If Christ has called and you avoid Him The way to Heaven's very narrow, and did you know It's very wide on the way to Hell? LEAD Where will you wind up down the road -- a shadow land or street of gold? There is a Way that we all know -- He shines bright light on words that show How every man will turn to dust -- but if you let Him in your heart The Truth will come to you at last -- and our Lord warned us where to go And He was God -- He ought to know And He called it the narrow way to Heaven

229 Love & Kisses Parody of "Rock and Roll All Night" by Kiss New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 16 Deut. 6:5, Matt. 22:36-38, Mk. 12:28-30 In Deuteronomy 6:5, it says, "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Almost a millennium and a half later, Jesus referred to this verse when asked what the greatest commandment was. I thought it would be amusing to take this classic party anthem and turn it into a song about living for God. I think I wrote it during the six months or so we took off in the second half of 1997, because we started playing it soon after we came back in January Then we released it on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" at the end of that year. I used to do spontaneous hand motions while I sang this song live, and I noticed that people in the audience were copying them, so we started teaching the motions to people before we'd play it in concert. We've long since handed those duties over to our bass player, Keith Haynie, who was the band's biggest KISS fan until Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner took over on drums. You know Moses and the things of God The 10 Commandments and the Jewish laws You try to find which one's the greatest You say you wanna know where it is It's part of Deuteronomy chapter 6 You try verse five; you'll find it baby You read about it You need to shout it I love the Lord with all my might My heart and everything (4X) The people came to Jesus Christ for a while They looked for answers and they liked His style You tell us, Christ, which law's the greatest? "Love the Lord with everything you've got," Jesus said, "Well, that's My first law "Do all this while you love your neighbor." Don't even doubt it You need to shout it CHORUS Kiss did a studio version first and then released an even-better live version, so we thought we'd try the same on "New & Used Hits." Paul Stanley & Gene Simmons

230 Naomi Gonna Be with Ruth Parody of "Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie & the Blowfish New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 17 Ruth 1-4 This is the story of Ruth told from the perspective of Naomi. Perhaps the most famous line in that book is verse 1:16, where Ruth tells Naomi, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." The idea for this song was a surprise gift from God. My only problem was trying to get used to Ruth singing in a deep male voice like Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish. But it worked. Mark Bryan, Dean Felber, Darius Rucker & Jim Sonefeld Ruth and me, we come from different worlds She was a Moabite, I was a Jewish mother's girl In time, she married a son of mine. It's such a shame because because my son and husband died But there's nothin' I could do... I said, Ruth, I'm gonna go back home She looked at me, she had something left to say I'm gonna follow you and with you I will stay I won't let... you just leave. Because, Mom, I love you, and you are my family And there's nothin' you can do. Naomi's gonna be with Ruth I will call on your God, too... Naomi gonna be with Ruth Went home to live in Bethlehem, seen all my friends I said, "My family collapsed when all the men died "But Ruth has not abandoned me, turned my life to bittersweet "She was married to one of my sons, and when he died, she came with me "I better help her find a hubby... a lonely man who needs her, too "Somebody local... Naomi gonna see her through "You can call me 'old school'... Naomi gonna see her through And I think I know just who... Naomi gonna see with Ruth Sometimes I wonder what would have been If she'd abandoned me when I told her to back then Ruth had a baby... and down the line Great grandson David, yeah, he was the one who fought the giant And there's the King of the Jews. I know you've heard of Jesus, too You can call Him, Lord, too... He's family with me and Ruth Yes, He came from out of Ruth... Naomi wanna be with Ruth Naomi gonna be with Ruth

231 People Parody of "Pepper" by Buttonhole Surfers New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 18 Revelation 6:9-11, Matthew 5:10, 24:9 As famous apologist Josh McDowell says, "Who would die for a lie?" If Jesus didn't really rise from the dead, why would His followers bother to fake it? What did they stand to gain from that? There was no prestige, fame or fortune attached to being a Christian in the First Century. Yet, from what we understand from church history, aside from Judas (who hung himself) and John (who did suffer imprisonment), all of the other 12 Apostles (and the later Apostles Matthias, Paul, and Jesus' half brother James) died as martyrs. Former ApologetiX drummer Bob Flaherty resurrected this song. I had it half done, but the research it was taking (in the days before Google) was so time-consuming, and then I had to make it rhyme! Bob said, "Dude, you HAVE to finish that song!" I also owe a great debt to a book called "The Search for the Twelve Apostles by William Steuart, McBirnie, Ph.D. Jeffrey Coffey, Gibby Haynes & Paul Walthall James was caught by Herod, Herod captured Peter They were sharin' Herod's outbreak of attacks upon believers James would have to face the sword and Peter would escape it They were not afraid of dyin'; they both knew that they could take it Thomas preached in Babylon and India they claim Then the local folks impaled him with a lance while he was prayin' They were all about to die but they weren't thinking much about it And their story didn't have a chance but none of 'em were doubtin' Why oh why would someone die if it was just a hoax? Why then take the awful risk to tell us Jesus rose? Simple men from Galilee would not have spoken lies To get enrolled in history books as martyrs for Jesus Christ Simon died along with Jude from arrows, spears or crosses Someone gave Bartholomew a skin-removal process Some of them were stoned alive like James the son of Alphaeus And their stories are the evidence that none of them were doubters Why oh why would someone die if it was just a hoax? Why then take the awful risk to tell us Jesus rose? Simple men like you and me would not have spoken lies To get well known in all the books as martyrs for Jesus Christ A lot of guys were crucified for calling Him Messiah Philip died and Andrew did and possibly Matthias Peter's was a most unpleasant death for being Christian They would turn him upside down and then go through with crucifixion Paul he was beheaded probl'y Matthew did the same Well, they threw off of the temple top the other guy named James They were all about to die but they weren't thinking much about it That's a gorey bunch of evidence that none of them were doubtin'

232 Bad Dude Risin' Parody of "Bad Moon Risin'" by CCR New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 19 2 Thessalonians 2 We've done other songs about the Antichrist, but the main point of this song was from 2 Thessalonians, in which Paul says that Christ won't come back until the Antichrist comes, so don't believe anybody who tells you Christ has already come. CCR never had a #1 hit, but they had five songs that stalled at #2, including three of them in 1969 ("Proud Mary," "Bad Moon Rising," and "Green River"), which was the same year that another group that never hit #1, Blood Sweat & Tears, also had three #2 hits ("You've Made Me So Very Happy," "Spinnin' Wheel," and "And When I Die." John Fogerty I see a bad dude arisin ; I see the devil on the way I see a master of disguises; I see the world led astray Don t fall for the lies cause he s just a fake, not Christ There s a bad dude on the rise I read in Second Thessalonians; I know the man is comin soon He ll set himself upon the throne and he ll get the world to play his tune Don t get all surprised cause he comes before the Christ First the bad dude must arise He ll bring the countries all together. They ll see his miracles and signs They ll think this world is gettin better. They ll find he s really anti-christ

233 Jacob's Name is Israel Parody of "Takin' Care of Business" by BTO New and Used Hits Disc 2, Track 20 Genesis 25:26, 32:28, 35:10 This song tells the story of Jacob from birth until the night when he got his name changed to Israel. Although our bass player, Keith Haynie, is one of the world's most-devoted fans of Bachman-Turner Overdrive, we recorded this parody over a year before he joined us. This song is one of our most-popular audience-participation numbers in concert. We recorded to versions for "Radical History Tour" -- one with the crazy lead at the beginning and one that sounded more like the original. We just liked the crazy lead better. However, by 2004, we thought we could do a much better job, so we recorded an improved live version for "New & Used Hits." Randy Bachman When Jacob was born he took a long time comin. Took the ankle of his older brother They were twins, but Jake was later; Esau was his father s favorite Cause he spent his time as a hunter And every single time, Jacob had to wait in line He started then to strive to get his way He was just a little boy; he was mama s pride and joy He loved to work with mother all day But now, now, Jacob s name is Israel What d you say? Jacob s name is Israel By the way, I said Jacob s name is Israel Cause he strived Jacob s name is Israel The father of the tribes All 12 You could read in Genesis how Esau burst into the kitchen And said, "Jacob, give me some stuff to swallow!" Jacob said, Sell me your birthright! Esau said, What is it worth right now, I m dyin' of hunger; my stomach s hollow!" And so Esau sold his rights; Jacob later set his sights Upon the blessing Isaac would pray He pretended he was Esau, and his father couldn t see so Jacob stole the blessing and ran away After 20 years with Laban, well, the Lord spoke to Jacob: Take your family with you back to Canaan. Jacob knew he d meet his brother as he travelled through the desert He was scared, and I wouldn t blame him And in the night he fought with a Man we think was God He wrestled with him to the break of day He took Jacob s hip and knocked it out of joint right at the socket He blessed him, and He gave him this name

234 Apol-acoustiX 2005 One of the biggest trends in the 90's was for artists to release "Unplugged" projects. Everyone from Clapton to KISS did it, except us. That's ironic, considering ApologetiX co-founders J. Jackson and Karl Messner met each other in 1990 and played a lot of acoustic stuff in their early days at Bible studies before taking the name "ApologetiX"... and at plenty of coffee houses afterward till the band started touring on a national scale in the mid-90's. Of course, we wouldn't be too keen on releasing any of those old performances. We wish we'd known then what we know now in terms of playing, singing, songwriting and recording. Well, we can't rewrite history. However, we can rewrite, re-perform, and re-record some of those old songs (and some newer ones), being able to apply a decade and a half's worth of experience. So that's what we did on "ApolacoustiX." We hope you'll enjoy this trip down memory lane with us. We repaved the roads for you, so it'll be a much smoother ride. This project was recorded in January 2005 at ApologetiX Studios in Southwestern Pennsylvania. The photos herein were taken on a recording break by Karl's sister, Z, and Karl's wife, Deb, in front of Z's shop in Dormont, PA, and at the Eat n' Park restaurant where J. & Karl christened the band "ApologetiX" 13 years earlier. Believe it or not, when we tried to get a local newspaper from the machine in front of the restaurant, the headline said "Deja vu." God has a great sense of humor. Then again, we've always believed that, and that's one of the reasons we do what we do. Fifteen years after its foundation was laid, the mission of ApologetiX remains the same: "to reach the lost and teach the rest." Some things don't need to change, no matter how many times you revisit them.

235 Talk About the Lord Parody of "(We're Gonna) Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley & His Comets Apol-acoustiX Track 1 Acts 4:20 This was opening number in our live shows for many years. We wanted a theme song like the Monkees and the Partridge Family had. As our older fans may recall, before the "Happy Days" television show got its own theme (a top 10 hit performed by Pratt & McLain), they used "Rock Around the Clock" as the theme. If it was good enough for Fonzie, it was good enough for us. It allowed us to tell first-time concertgoers who we were and what we did before we moved on to other topics. The concept worked well, but using a song from the 1950's got a little "old," so but we updated it with new theme songs, including "All ApologetiX," "Play That Funny Music," "We're in a Parody Band," and "With a Harp David Writes." Jimmy DeKnight & Max Freedman Want to know a lot more about God? Find some songs we can play about God Nothing livin can dwell without God; We re gonna talk about the Lord tonight Get your Bibles out; let s have some fun We ll be singin songs with the words re-done We re gonna talk about the Lord tonight We re gonna talk bout God with song re-writes We re gonna rock and talk all about the Lord tonight If you wonder what we do this for We re just singin a new song to the Lord CHORUS When we talk bout God, we use the Book 'Cause there ain t no other place to look CHORUS When we talk bout God, you ve got to know He s the Father, Son and Holy Ghost CHORUS When the clock strikes 11:59 You can look for God, and He ll be right on time CHORUS

236 Don't Be Fooled Parody of "Don't Be Cruel" by Elvis Presley Apol-acoustiX Track 2 Exodus 20:3; 1 Corinthians 8:5-6,10:19-20; 2 John 1:7-11 Jehovah's Witnesses claim the Bible teaches that Jesus is "a god" but not "God." They seem to forget 1 Corinthians 8:5-6, where the Apostle Paul says: For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from who all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live." Note: If somebody tells you the above verse teaches that Jesus isn't God, then using the same logic, they'd also have to say it teaches that the Father isn't Lord. Furthermore, In 1 Corinthians 10:20, Paul goes on to say that the gods that pagans sacrifice to are actually demons. I wrote this song during a particularly productive period in the mid-1990's, although we never did anything with it till "Apol-acoustiX." I knew it had good potential, because the lyrics stayed in mind over the years without having to review them. We briefly considered it for "Spoofernatural," but we could never come to a consensus as band whether to record it in the style of Elvis (as Karl and Fred wanted) or Cheap Trick (as Keith and I wanted). When Bill "Moose" Rieger joined before we recorded "Keep the Change," I figured it would be easy to rock the vote, but he agreed with Karl. You know life can be found in the Lord alone But pagan gods abound at least they'll tell you so Don't be fooled choose the God that's true Baby, in the 10 commands, it's number on the list Exodus chapter 20 verse 3 you know what it says? Don't be fooled choose the God that's true 'Cause there are no other gods Baby, just the True One and the frauds Those gods are pagan phonies they don't make me feel afraid 'Cause I know Jesus loves me and I know there's one true way Don't be fooled choose the God that's true Why don't you play it smart He really loves you baby open your heart So let's look up First Corinthians in chapter 8:5,6 And 10:19 and 20 and I hope that something clicks Don't be fooled choose the God that's true 'Cause there are no other gods Baby, just the True One and the frauds Don't be fooled choose the God that's true Don't be fooled choose the God that's true 'Cause there are no other gods Baby, just the True One and the frauds Not that I didn't like the Elvis version, mind you. In fact, I distinctly remember a time in grade school when I visited a neighborhood lady's house, heard her Elvis records, and then came home and sang "Don't Be Cruel" in a hiccup-y Elvis-style for my parents... in the kitchen, using a spoon as a microphone. In retrospect, I'm really glad we did it the way we did, and it's one of my favorite tracks we've ever done. I love Karl's background vocals on this. Trivia: Many people hear this parody and think I'm singing "'there are no other gods - - only just the true ones and the frogs." It's "frauds." Otis Blackwell & Elvis Presley

237 The Sounds of Silas Parody of "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel Apol-acoustiX Track 3 Acts 16 This song about Paul and Silas' missionary trip in Acts 16 was originally on "Radical History Tour" (you can read more about it in that section), but we'd been wanting to re-do it for years. It was already one of our most-requested parodies in its original, electric format, but we think the acoustic version really sparkles. Ironically, the original version of "The Sounds of Silence" was acoustic on Simon & Garfunkel's first album, "Wednesday Morning at 3 a.m.," but it didn't become a hit until electric guitars were added and it was re-released on their second album. Paul Simon Paul and Silas, the Bible says, had come to talk to the Philippians Because a vision of a man speaking came to Paul while he was sleeping And the vision of the Macedonian man said to them Come help us, Paul and Silas In Acts 16, they walked around, tried to get to know the town Went to pray down by the river, met a lady there named Lydia They baptized her there and she asked, If it be all right, "Come spend the night and stay a while at my house. They met a slave girl later on who made her masters quite a lot Fortune-telling was her occupation, had a spirit of divination It was driven out when Paul said Jesus name and so they came and arrested Paul and Silas Threw them right into the jail, Paul and Silas faith prevailed Prisoners at midnight heard them praising God that they were Christ s servants Then an earthquake came and shook the jail and let go from the cell Paul and Silas And the jailer bowed and prayed, What must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will receive His forgiveness." Paul and Silas taught the word of the Gospel to him and his entire house And everyone now is in heaven with Paul and Silas

238 We're Not Gonna Drown Parody of "When I Come Around" by Green Day Apol-acoustiX Track 4 2 Peter 2:5-9; Hebrews 11:7; Matthew 24:37-39; Proverbs 16:18; Haggai 2:6-7; Zephaniah 1:14-18, 3:8 Although this Noah-centered song wasn't released until four years after "Story of a Squirrel" and "All the Stalls Stink," it was actually written six years before they were. I wrote it in January 1995 while "When I Come Around" was at the top of the modern rock charts, and we got good response when we performed it live. I wrote it for the "Ticked" project, but we spent three years putting that together, and we had twice as many songs as we needed, including three Green Day songs. "Basket Case" made the cut, but "We're Not Gonna Drown" and "Wrongview" (a parody of "Longview" discussing the injustices of today's legal system) did not. Come to think of it, there was a verylimited-edition homemade cassette called "Live '95" that included all three of those songs, including the first-ever live performances by ApologetiX bassist Keith Haynie, but that's beyond rare. Karl always loved "We're Not Gonna Drown," so he was more than willing to put it on "ApolacoustiX," especially with the Green Day resurgence that corresponded to the release of their "American Idiot" CD. Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Pritchard & Frank Wright I heard you have your doubts 'bout the way it all turns out You re so certain that there s nothin that could make God wipe us out You can t see how a loving God could send men to Hell Well, Noah didn t doubt -- He took the Lord s advice He said, Noah, build a boat and stick your family inside it 'Cause if you wanna live you d better listen to me Noah tried to spread the word around They said, Noah, we ll be fine -- We re not gonna drown! You ve heard it all before, how Noah was ignored They refused him and abused him but he took the wood and used it To build himself a boat while there was no rain in sight So when the flood arrived, they surely were surprised When the found out they were all drowned -- it s a shame, but anyway You can t go forcing someone to believe what s right Noah tried to spread the word around They said, Noah, we ll be fine -- We re not gonna drown We re not gonna drown, we re not gonna drown, we're not gonna drown!

239 Mediterranean Wholebook News Parody of "Subterranean Homesick Blues" by Bob Dylan Apol-acoustiX Track 5 2 Timothy 3:15-16; Nehemiah 8:8 We believe the Bible is the living Word of God, and that all of its books are inspired and accurate in their original form (Don't think we're trying to pull a fast one there; we're not trying to say that the Bible has been corrupted or changed over the years - - we're just acknowledging that some manuscripts have had an occasional typo, which is pretty easy to spot, because they don't match the thousands of other manuscripts we have from the early days of the Church.) Imagine our horror when a fan noticed that one of the Bible's 66 books was missing from "Mediterranean Wholebook News" on the initial pressings of our "Apol-acoustiX" CD! Where was the book of Nahum? We knew where it was supposed to be. It appeared in its proper place in the original version of "Mediterranean Wholebook News" on our 1992 cassette, "Want It: Dead or Alive." It also appeared in its proper place in the similar song, "La Bible," on our "Spoofernatural" CD. The trouble is, when we brought "Mediterranean" back for "Apol-acoustiX," I overhauled the lyrics to get them to rhyme and flow better with Dylan's original, and somehow one book got lost in the mix. Furthermore, I made the horrendous mistake of not doublechecking and triplechecking my work. It was a costly error, but we fixed the problem before the CDs were released in stores (the only people who got bad copies were fan club members). Then we made replacement copies available to everybody who purchased the faulty copy. We put identifying markings on the revised edition, so you can spot a faulty copy without even listening to it. The cover of the revised edition has "That Christian Parody Band" written under ApologetiX, while the original cover did not. Also, on the CD itself, the word "Whole" in "Wholebook" is bolded. Many collectors preferred to keep their faulty copies as collector's items and just download a revised mp3 file we made available on the website. But this is one case where we can't imagine why anybody would prefer to remain "Nahum-less." Bob Dylan Genesis and Exodus, then you got Leviticus Numbers, Deuteronomy, then here s where you re gonna be Josh-U-a, Judges, Ruth, and then you got a bunch of twos First and Second Samuel, a pair of Kings and Chronicles Look out, kids, we re startin a list, God knows best and put Ezra next He s got Nehemiah, Esther, Job and Psalms and Proverbs And then there s Ecclesiastes with the Preacher And the Song of Solomon and you ve only done a third Maybe you don t know it but there s a lot of prophets Talkin about Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations It s Jeremiah s sequel, followed by Ezekiel Daniel and Hosea, Joel, oy, such a deal! Look out, kids, there s plenty more than this Like Amos, Obadiah, the famous Jonah, Micah Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai & Zechariah Then there s Malachi and 400 years of quiet We re done with the Old Testament there ain t no book of Hezekiah Oh, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans, 1, 2 CORinthians YOU RE in the Testament we call the New GALatians SALvation Ephesians says it s by grace and It's in Philippians, Colossians are you listenin' Look out next and 1 & 2 Thess -alonians, and both Timothys, and Titus, oh, man Then you got Philemon When you finally roll through the Book they call the Hebrews James oughta be there and First and Second Peter Oh, First John, Second John, Third John, roll on Jude is next to last and yes we re finally at 66 Revelation and this conversation is done but 20 years of schoolin ain t as good an education Look out, kids, and read down the list Better hunt down a Bible get yourself an eyeful Pretty soon your liable to start your own revival Don t only read it once you d better keep on It s God s own Word and He likes His book recycled

240 Scripture Parody of "Picture" by Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow Apol-acoustiX Track 6 Luke 15:11-32, 2 Timothy 3:15-16, Psalm 119:105 Like "Good News Bookie," this song starts out with a reference to a Gideons Bible in a hotel room. But in this case, although the Gideons placed it there, the singer knows it was really put there by God. The singer's been avoiding God, but God is patiently waiting and wooing him back. I love Gideon's Bibles. We stay in hotels all over the United States, and I take great comfort in opening up the drawer of the night stand, desk, or dresser, and finding a Bible there. Although I carry a Bible with me on the road, most times I read the Gideons edition in my room, just to appreciate the privilege of having a Bible provided in my hotel room. As soon as I got the idea for this parody, I liked it, but there was one problem; the parts where God was speaking were written over Sheryl Crow's parts, and I didn't want to have a girl's voice singing them. We finally bit the bullet and decided to have Karl sing those parts, and he did a good job. "Scripture" was originally planned as part of the sequel to "Adam Up," and it was backto-back with "Drift Away" on my practice CD. It was written in time for "New & Used Hits," but it didn't quite fit. Robert J. Ritchie & Sheryl Suzanne Crow Livin my life like there s no hell In the drawer there s a Bible at the hotel I can see it s some kind of pre-planned place Been fool enough to go play it risky Wish I thought the Good Lord would miss me Lord, I wonder what You meant by saved by grace I put Your scripture away, stopped tryin to find the way I can t look for truth while I m lyin -- that s the worst I put Your scripture away, I know that crime don t pay I can t look at truth now I m cryin -- yes, it hurts I called you last night in the hotel Everyone goes through their slow spells But your half-started Bible has something you just can't deny It's been written for you for a long time You just have to start it and keep tryin' That ain't hard if you can read and write I put the scriptures in place, I wrote the words within I left the Book for you so you'd find it, and you did Don't put My scriptures away -- I don t care where you ve been I said the Book is true, why not try it? Let me in! I saw you just today with it open It was the strangest thing how it happened Since You called, God, my world's been startin' to change (Since you called God, your world's been startin' to change) I decided to read the Bible today The quotes started jumpin' off the page When they read it in church I was often sleeping away I've thought about you for a long time It seems as if You read my mind (It seems as if you read My mind) That's because the Scriptures are livin', like they say I finally picked up today (I'm glad you picked up today) God's Word and changed my ways (My Word and changed your ways) I just called Your name I want to come back home (I just called your name I want you to come back home) I just called Your name I want to come back home (I just called your name I want you to come back home)

241 Last Rain the Clouds Spill Parody of "Last Train to Clarksville" by The Monkees Apol-acoustiX Track 7 1 Kings 17 We may be the only band ever to have released three songs about King Ahab and Queen Jezebel, but that's hardly overkill. Those two evil characters play a major role in the Old Testament, and each song we do is about a different part of a story that stretches 16 chapters from 1 Kings 16 through 2 Kings 9. This one is told from Elijah's perspective as he's calling for a drought that will literally last years. As far as Monkees parodies go, I was experiencing an anti-drought when I wrote this song in Maybe I was subconsciously celebrating their 30th anniversary. I wrote "Armageddon Valley Someday," "Monkey Scheme" (although the rap didn't come till 2001), "I'm a Receiver," "Last Rain the Clouds Spill," and another parody I really like of "(I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone." I really liked them all, but I realized I'd have to wait a long time before we'd be able to record them all. Slowly but surely, we've been knocking them off. Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart Take the last rain the clouds spill and you'll need to have a basin You can drink it while you're thirsty 'cause I'm takin' a vacation Drink it slow oh, woe, woe, woe, oh, woe, woe, woe 'Cause I'm leaving with a warning that a drought will soon begin You'll have warm air like the desert till the Lord brings spring-like rain And I must go oh, woe, woe, woe oh, woe, woe, woe! And I don't predict the weather on my own Take the last rain the clouds spill there'll be massive dehydration There's no time to stop and save your fishes -- it's a pity God's forsaken you Oh, woe, woe woe! Oh, woe, woe, woe! Pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity you Pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity, pity you Take Elijah s advice still now I must head up the road I can't heal your land with Jezebel and Ahab on the throne They're really low low, low, low, low low, low, low low! And I don't know if they'll ever come around Take the last rain the clouds spill and I'll meet you when you're chastened You will be real dry and dirty 'cause you've paganized the nation Told you so oh, woe, woe, woe oh, woe, woe, woe! And I don't know, Israel, when I'm coming home Take the last rain the clouds spill REPEAT AND FADE

242 Eight Ways to Be Parody of "Eight Days a Week" by The Beatles Apol-acoustiX Track 8 Matthew 5:2-12 This is a song about the Beatitudes by a group with a similar name. This was one of the first songs we played live as ApologetiX. I'm pretty sure it was in our set list for our first concert ever (in March 1992), and I know it was on our very first cassette,"get Your Wigs" (a live recording from June 1992), although I tweaked the lyrics a little for "Apol-acoustiX." When i first started writing Christian parodies and realized the potential they had for instructional purposes, I quickly started thinking of all the lists from the Bible that I wanted to memorize, and of course, the Beatitudes was one of the first that came to mind. Once I had the hook line "eight ways to be," it was obvious where to go with the song. Karl fondly remembered this song from our early days and was as eager as I to include it on "Apol-acoustiX." John Lennon & Paul McCartney You might need to know babe, Chapter 5 Matthew Helps you see my Lord s eight blest Beatitudes Holy, happy, holy, happy There s eight God wants ya to know, babe, eight ways to be Blessed are the humble, blest are those who mourn Blessed are the gentle of meek and lowly form They ll be happy, you ll be happy There s eight God wants ya to know, babe, eight ways to be Eight ways to be in Matthew Eight ways to be in Matthew 5:2 go right there Blessed are the thirsty for righteousness and truth Blest are those with mercy -- they ll get Christ s mercy too Ohhh, they ll be happy, you ll be happy There s eight God wants us to know, babe, eight ways to be Eight ways to be in Matthew Eight ways to be -- that s why they re called Beatitudes Blest are the pure of heart and those who peace to make Blest are those who suffer for righteousness sake Holy, happy, holy, happy And eight is plenty enough, babe Eight ways to be, eight ways to be, eight ways to be

243 More than Works Parody of "More than Words" by Extreme Apol-acoustiX Track 9 John 6:28-29; Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 10:9-13; Amos 5:21-24; Micah 6:6-8 This song was originally included on our "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" cassette in 1993, but we wholeheartedly thought it needed an extreme makeover (both the lyrics and the performance), so we didn't include it on either the "Isn't Wasn't Ain't" 10th anniversary CD reissue in 2004 or "Isn't Wasn't Ain't (Director's Cut)" in It's based on Ephesians 2:8-10, which says: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Good works are wonderful things, but they're not something that we do to attain or maintain our salvation. They might tell you there s lots of works God wants to see from you That s not the right attitude none are saved by things that man can do But Jesus said the deed was done on Calvary More than works cause all the good you do ain t no big deal And it couldn t get you saved that s too costly --the Bible tells me so What would you do if I quote Ephesians 2 No man s works can save his soul that s so nobody can boast The Good Book says that it s not by works but grace And you couldn t make things new without faith in our Lord too Now they might try to talk to you and make you just like them (But) all you have to do is hope in Christ and just be born again And trust the Holy Ghost He ll never let you go More than works cause all of men s good deeds are still too small And they couldn t get you saved but you can be cause Christ already rose What would you do if your heart was born anew Your good works could show your faith, but you must first take His grace What do you say? If you trust His Word today Then you could still make things new just by prayin why don t you? Karl and I first had to learn "More Than Words" by Extreme for his cousin's wedding (at her request) back when it was a hit, a year before ApologetiX existed. Well, I only had to learn to sing it; he had to learn to sing harmony and play it. Anyway, once we started doing ApologetiX, I figured we'd put all our practice to good use and write a parody of it. Nuno Bettencourt & Gary Cherone

244 Trinity Parody of "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin Apol-acoustiX Track 10 Deuteronomy 6:4; John 1:1; 1 Timothy 3:16 True, the word "Trinity" isn't found in the Bible, but the concept of the Trinity certainly is, and the Bible clearly speaks on it. There are many words that we use in conversation that are not found in the Bible; that doesn't mean they don't exist. The word "gravity" isn't found in the Bible, either. Does that mean gravity doesn't exist? Of course not! We can see evidence of gravity both in everyday life and in the Bible (for example, when Mephibosheth is dropped by his nursemaid or when Judas falls headlong and his entrails gush out). We can't see gravity, but we know it exists. We needed to develop a word to describe a phenomena that we knew existed, based on plenty of evidence. If I sound confused at times, I will still believe in You My mind it struggles to perceive Your mysterious unity I'm a human I guess my mind's too small This kind of union's above it all Little thoughts of men just can t comprehend Mysterious God in trinity on high Our Lord is one revealed in three persons The Father, the Holy Ghost and Jesus Christ -- my my my Explanation's much too hard for me from information I've received And so today my words are small -- they can't define my God at all Praise to You, Thy will be done for You to me are the Holy One -- all right then After this no more can be said -- that's the best I can get If I sound confused at time, I will still believe in You Though doubters somehow refuse to see There is still a Trinity The Bible clearly teaches that the Father is God, that the Son is God, and that the Holy Spirit is God. Yet it clearly teaches there is only one God. The Bible also clearly teaches that the Father is a person, the Son is person and the Holy Spirit is a person. Yet it clearly teaches they are not the same person. That is why the word Trinity was developed -- to describe the mystery. Some people have a problem with the Church calling something a mystery, but the Bible uses the word mystery plenty of times in the New Testament (19 times in the New International Version and 22 times in the King James Version), including this notable passage in 1 Timothy 3:16, which pertains to the very topic we're talking about: "And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory." This is one of three songs on "ApolacoustiX" that were originally included in a more primitive format on our "Want It: Dead or Alive" cassette in I streamlined the lyrics in the mid-1990's for a songbook I was putting together and then again in early 2005, when we brought this song back to record on "Apol-acoustiX." It's a prayer and a praise song, and I tried to sing as such when we recorded it. Jimmy Page & Robert Plant

245 Two-Time Baby/Lord'sHouse Blues Parody of "Love Me Two Times/Roadhouse Blues" by The Doors Apol-acoustiX Track 11 John 3:3 In traditional blues, if your baby is a twotimer, that's a bad thing. But this is a Christian blues song, so it's talking about being born again -- becoming a baby two times, in a spiritual sense. We first included a version of "Two-Time Baby" on our "Want it: Dead or Alive" cassette back in I even did the keyboard solo (at Karl's insistence). Doing it in the studio was hard enough, but I didn't want to try to play the solo live, and we didn't bring a keyboard to concerts back then. Consequently, we needed someplace for the song to go when it got to the lead. We started jamming once at a concert and hit upon the idea of segueing into the lead from "Roadhouse Blues." I used to sing "Roadhouse Blues" in my very first rock band, Terminal, back in high school. At the time, people told me my voice was similar to Jim Morrison's, which I took as a compliment, because I was the first kid I knew in high school who really got into the Doors, although I was more into their music than their mystique. John Densmore, Robby Krieger, Ray Manzarek & Jim Morrison I'm a two-time baby, born twice today I'm a two-time man, 'cause I'm born again I'm a two-time man, once born in Adam, once with Christ within I'm a two-time, I'm born again Born one time, it was bleak Born one time, baby, yeah, my flesh was weak Born a two-time man, trust Him my soul to keep I'm a two-time, I'm born again -- Oh yeah! You gotta rule, rule, rule You gotta heal my soul, all right Rule, rule, rule, rule and fill my soul You gotta teach me how to reach Ya Walk and talk, I wanna preach it to the nations, Bible revelation I believe Ya, Jesus, come in my life I sure need Ya! I sure need Ya! It's up to You now! It's up to You now! Save this sinner! Save us sinners! My Lord! Well, but once you been born again ya got nothin' to fear Well, but once you been born again, ya got nothin' to fear Your future is certain when the end is drawing near Let Him rule, baby, rule! Let Him rule, baby, rule! Let Him rule, baby, rule! Let Him rule Oh, my Lord!

246 Yes Today Parody of "Yesterday" by the Beatles Apol-acoustiX Track 12 Psalm 95:7-8; Hebrews 3:7-8, 3:15, 4:7 This song is based on the biblical admonition "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts," which first appears in Psalms 95:8 and then reappears three times in Hebrews chapters 3 and 4. When I was growing up, there used to be a commercial for Total cereal that said "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Unfortunately, today may also be the last day of the rest of your life. When I was in college, I used to run into born-again Christians who would say, "If you were to die tonight, do you know for sure if you'd go to Heaven?" I was polite to them, but inside I'd be thinking they were pretty arrogant to ask such a question. How did they know that THEY were going to Heaven? I didn't realize that the Bible says you can know. As the Apostle John says in 1 John 5:13, "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. If today you should hear His voice don't turn away Now's the time that you should kneel and pray And finally say yes today Suddenly you might have to spend eternity In a place you never want to be Say yes today and just believe Christ He died for all -- there's no soul He wouldn't save There's just one thing you have to do say yes today "Yes" today seems like such an easy thing to say All you need is faith, so why delay? Say, "I believe," and "yes" today Why you might say no, I don't know... I couldn't say I'd say something's wrong if you don't say "Yes" today Yes, today might just be your final chance to pray All you need is faith, so why delay? Say, "I believe," and "yes" today Mmmmmmmmm I wrote this song way back in late 1995 for an all-beatles project we were planning to do. We included a live version on a homemade cassette called "Anthropology (Anthology of Apologies)," but other than that, it sat in the vaults for the next 10 years. But I felt it was a very moving song, so when Karl and I were picking songs for "Apol-acoustiX," I re-sang it for him, and he agreed with me that it was time to release it to a widescale audience. It became a popular song for us to play after the salvation message at our concerts, and a live version is included on "Hits: The Road" as well. If I recall correctly, the lyrics to this song came to me very quickly and required very little polishing. In fact, lyrics to the version on "Apol-acoustiX" are virtually identical to the one on "Anthropology." John Lennon & Paul McCartney

247 Hits The Road 2005 They've been asking us for years when we were going to come out with a live CD. Well, look out, because we've got a live one here! After close to 800 shows, it's about time. Actually, the very first ApologetiX recording to hit mass circulation was a homemade live cassette called Get Your Wigs. There were only a few hundred copies made, so don't look for it. Seriously... don't! Last year, when we released New & Used Hits: The Best of ApologetiX Vol. 1 & 2, we elected to include eight live tracks, because we felt our live performances were superior to the original. This new CD, ApologetiX Hits: The Road contains 20 live tracks (including three parodies that have never appeared on any ApologetiX CD), but none of the songs that appeared in live format on New & Used Hits. ApologetiX Hits: The Road is a celebration of our busiest tour ever?the one we kicked off in support of New & Used Hits. That CD was released at two concerts at the Cup O' Joy in Green Bay WI, on November 27, We finished that tour exactly 364 days later at the same venue on November 26, During that 365-day period, we played 102 concerts in the following 32 states: Alabama, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, North Carolina, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin, and West Virginia. For the record, the live performances on ApologetiX Hits: The Road were recorded during that tour at concerts in Greenfield IN, Kewanee IL, Springfield MO, Moravia NY, Newark DE, and Green Bay WI. If you've been to one of our concerts (or 40 of them, like some of our fans), this CD will give you a keepsake to remember the fun you had until we meet again. If you haven't been to one yet, this CD will give you a taste of what's in store for you. Make sure you pick up the companion DVD, Samson Comes Alive: An Evening with ApologetiX, featuring live footage of the first 17 songs on this CD (plus three others), interviews with the guys, and the zany stage antics during and between songs that didn't make it onto the CD. See you soon. It's time for us to hit the road again!

248 We're in a Parody Band Parody of "We're an American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad Hits The Road Track 1 Proverbs 17:22, 1 Corinthians 1:27, 9:22; 1 Peter 3:15; Romans 12:2 In contrast to Grand Funk s original story about decadence on the road, this song relates the often-humorous experiences of being in Christian music s parody band. It also introduces the listener to the individual members of ApologetiX. ApologetiX originally performed a totally different parody of this song in called "He's a Samaritan Man." I got the idea to spoof it again as an ApologetiX theme song called "We're in a Parody Band" while driving to and from Monroeville PA in November Much of the lyrics to the first verse were written while I was driving to a concert in Punxsutawney PA in February Karl suggested the line "we're here to share with the fans," replacing the other options of "we're in a rarity band" or "we ain't a Pharisee band." Don Brewer I went and wrote some parodies Karl tried a little rock, put me on a stage Keith sleeps comedy, we threw him in the act Bill adds some more soul and has a knack for chat We're all four guys with many dreams But God can help you focus these things Music lyrics we rewrite As long as we can take a tune and show the light We're in a parody band We're here to share with the fans We've got a two-part style We'll tell you part's Weird Al The other part's Billy Graham Four Aquafinas and soda pop We're waiting for the van to return from the shop Philadelphia late at night its battery died The hotel we slept in it was highly priced Now seeing as I'm waiting, I have a plan Would you like to meet the boys in the band I'm J. Karl's the dude with the guitar on And we've got Keith on the bass and Bill on drums We're in a parody band We're in a terrible van We're comin to your town And if your car breaks down We're good Samaritans, man We're in a parody band The Bible's there in your hand You're thumbin' through yours now We'll help you start it out With a one-year reading plan We're in a parody band We're into prayer and defense We're from a two-sport town Three if the Pirates count It's just so rare that we win We're in a parody band We're at a charity dance We're only two doors down We know it's Shark Week now But please come there if you can We re in a parody band whoo! We re in Bob Flaherty s band whoo! Will this hilarity end whoo!

249 Tom Saw Ya Parody of "Tom Sawyer" by Rush Hits The Road Track 2 John 20:24-29, Psalm 16:8-11 One of the most powerful moments in the Bible for me is when the Apostle Thomas finally sees the risen Christ in John 20. You remember the story: Jesus had appeared to the disciples on Sunday, but Thomas hadn t been there, and he didn t believe the other disciples when they told him that Jesus had risen and appeared to them. In fact, he said he wouldn t believe unless he actually got to see the nail marks and put his fingers in them and put his hand into Christ s wounded side. A week later, Jesus appeared again to His disciples, this time with Thomas present, and invited Thomas to see and touch for himself. Can you imagine how stunned Thomas must have been? All he could say was My Lord and my God! He wasn t swearing, either; he was acknowledging Christ as both his Lord and God. But we still call him doubting Thomas, even though the Bible shows that he was willing to risk his life for Christ even before the resurrection (John 11:8,16) and history shows that he went on to become a great missionary for the early church before finally being martyred. We wanted to capture that powerful moment when Thomas saw the risen Christ with a parody of a powerful song. On Monday he wouldn't trust we'd seen Christ Today Tom saw Your spear-pierced side Though his mind was not convinced He couldn't doubt the evidence He observed Your side and hands Finding out the way we did, You're risen! What You prayed about has come to be It's what King David said in Psalm 16 Christ is risen; that's no myth -- Just a mystery that's legit The world says, the world says love and life are cheap Maybe now the price will rise Today Tom saw Ya, he set eyes on You And the face he just made -- it was quite a view Thomas tried to talk and yet "My Lord and God" was all he said All he hoped for had just commenced He knows graves are not permanent -- but grace is! And One You say's about to comfort me Though some will say we lack sobriety: That's the witness, that's the gift, that's the Spirit, class dismissed The world is, the world is lost and like a sheep They that have the Christ are wise Exit the Lord and yet today Tom saw Ya He set eyes on You and he'll never be the same He'll get right onto the mission of the faith I wrote this parody in 2002, but back in , I considered going in a totally different direction with this song and calling it "Top Lawyers." On a humorous note, I originally wrote a spoof of this song back in 1981, about a friend of mine who was hooked on chewing tobacco. Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart & Pye Dubois

250 JC's Mom Parody of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne Hits The Road Track 3 Luke 2:41-52; John 1:1-14, 2:1-11 Mary's son is growing up, as shown here at age 12 in the temple and later at Cana. I got the idea for this one in December 2003 while listening to one of the NOW CDs that had it and "The Boys of Summer" by the Ataris. I was driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike with my two youngest daughters, Heather and Kelly, at the time. After Jesus is presented in the temple, the Bible only recounts one story from His childhood -- the time spent in the temple when He was 12. His first miracle occurs at the Wedding Feast of Cana. Both of these events happen in chapter 2 of a Gospel, Luke and John, respectively. Both accounts have Him saying rather surprising things to His mother. They fit nicely into the theme of the song, Jesus growing up as His mother watches in amazement. Adam Schlesinger & Christopher Collingwood JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC caused a commotion in chapter 2 (that s in Luke) When He did hang around at the tem-ple (way past curfew) Did His mom get mad? Probably bit her lip (then she said) Jesus, dear, oh, are you trying to worry us sick? (He s just a kid) You know, He s not the little boy that He used to be Her son s growin up now wait and then you ll see JC s mom has got a growin son His bar mitzvah will here before too long JC s not 13, but He ll save the world for me I know He might be young but time will come when JC s grown JC s mom has got a growin son JC s mom has got a growin son JC s crew would attend a wedding later on (that s in John) His mom came out and said, The wine is all gone (Now what, Son) Why you d tell Me like that, Mother, JC stared (waiting there) Anyway, He said, you know I m not quite prepared (it s not over yet) And I know that the drinking guests were panicky But JC had some fountains of wine moved to Galilee JC s mom has got a growing son Made wine from water at Cana but hold on Grape juice or Chablis that s just not the point for me I know it won t be long till time is up and JC s grown JC s mom had God s begotten Son The promised One that we ve waited for so long Take a look and read John 1:1 through verse 14 I know it won t be long till time is up and JC s grown, oh oh JC s grown, oh oh, JC s grown, oh oh JC s deity; He s just not yet 33 I know it won t be long till time is up and JC s grown

251 Choose Your Daddy Parody of "Who's Your Daddy" by Toby Keith Hits The Road Track 4 John 5:17-23, 6:44, 8:19, 8:38-59; Luke 16:13-15 Jesus said a man couldn t serve two masters, God and mammon. He also said whoever wasn t for Him was against Him, and that anyone who loves the Father must also love the Son. So, if you don t choose God as your father through Christ, you re choosing another daddy. See John chapter 8 for more details. Part of this song was written in the car with my family driving through Tennessee July 5, 2003 on the way between concerts in North Carolina and Kentucky. Toby Keith Well, here He comes knockin on your side door baby Yeah, the Son of God s on your side I guess He called ya but ya ll weren t home for the hundredth time Yeah, you look in Christ s Book right after Luke in John 8:1 through 59 It ain t so hard to find The place He said you re either in the faith or sons of Belial You read on, it s really tough to debate it Don t you get it? Yeah, I think He s waiting in the sky for you You know, our Father up in Heaven Choose your daddy, choose your savior Choose somebody who s your friend And choose the one God who you ll come runnin to When all the world s lies start crumblin Your god s your money, but God the Son, He Says come to me; get saved from sin Choose your daddy who s your faith in? Is it God or is it mammon? You either belong to God above or to Satan Which is it? Well, don t you get it? If you wait then Satan decides for you You know you gotta become repentant Choose your daddy, choose your savior Choose somebody, yeah, who s your friend And choose the one God that you ll come runnin to Yeah, when the world s lies start crumblin He s God Almighty; just say, Alrighty Let s make it real the way You planned Choose your daddy who s your faith in? Is it God or is it man? Choose your daddy Luke 16 says It s in God or it s in mammon

252 Are You Gonna Be Ike's Girl Parody of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet Hits The Road Track 5 Genesis 24:1-61 Abraham's servant seeks a wife for Isaac and finds Rebekah. I remember writing the first part of this while watching my two youngest daughters and waiiting for my wife and oldest daughter at the hair salon in Ross Park Mall in Pittsburgh PA. Since we'd already done the stories of Jacob and Esau's wives on "Adam Up," I thought it would be cool to go back a step and sing about Isaac and Rebekah. Nicholas Cester & Cameron Muncey Go! It s a Abraham said, Come with me Because it looks like time For my little son to take a wife He said, Go look and find him A pretty one to make his wife Now for Isaac C mon and get there quick Now he don t need nobody here Go look back where I wooed his mommy Be back soon, long way there, Please go sweep in and get that girl! Well, I can t be Chuck Woolery The Bachelorette s in another land, yeah! I m no Gene Rayburn; I should pray Before Isaac s Elimidate, yeah! I said, Lord, who s gonna be Ike s girl? Well, I went toute de suite Then my camels stopped to drink Here comes a girl so fine and she gives em water, ain t she nice I said, she took some time and she did just what I prayed she might In 24 Genesis, I pondered this a bit I put a nose ring upon her And some bracelets and Boo-yah! I think that s who The Lord brought here We shall see what Rebekah says: Now I can lead you home with me. Bethuel is my father s name, yeah! I know he may have much to say before I play your Dating Game! I said, Are you gonna be Ike s girl? Now I don t need Eharmony; Bethuel gave his daughter s hand, yeah! Ike loves Rebekah what a babe -- He s 40 years old anyway, yeah! But she s Ike s girl, she s Ike s girl R-E-Bekah she s Ike s girl, yeah!

253 All The Stalls Stink Parody of "All the Small Things" by Blink 182 Hits The Road Track 6 Genesis 6-8 Mark Hoppus & Tom DeLonge All the stalls stink -- Two bears, two pigs I'll take one whiff -- Before I get sick Wallabies, rhinos -- you'll see on my boat Watch me straightening -- the mess they're making Save your raincoat -- I will not go Where's the Lysol? -- carry me the soap Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na Hey guys uh oh There s a skunk I know She left the odor by the stairs She likes to let me know she s scared Save your raincoat -- I will not go Here s a nice thought Camels need Scope Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na Na-na--na-na-na-Noah-na-na-na LEAD Save your raincoat -- I will not go First I ll wipe off a pair of hippos Keep the boat still I ve been sorta ill I might just throw up in all this swill Save your raincoat -- I will not go Worldwide flood -- very big boat We should just chill -- trust the Lord still And life will go on -- and life will go on I know it will

254 It's Tough (Song About Nehemiah) Parody of "This Love" by Maroon 5 Hits The Road Track 7 The Book of Nehemiah In this song, Nehemiah recounts how he and the rest of the Jews fixed the Jerusalem Wall after his return from Media- Persia, despite opposition from their enemies, led by Sanballat and Tobias. I've thought for a while that we really needed to do a song about the books of Ezra and Nehemiah. They're a significant portion of scripture, but most people don't know what they're about. I heard a great sermon on Nehemiah in the late 1980's where the pastor made us all read chapter 3 aloud together, where it lists how everybody worked side by side, family by family, and it lists them all and what section of the wall each group repaired. That part was always boring to me before that sermon, but when we read it aloud as a congregation and envisioned what was going on, it was really powerful. My favorite part of the whole book is chapter 12:27-43, where Nehemiah leads the great procession in celebration of the completed wall. I got the Wal-Mart line and some other significant parts of the song while I was watching my oldest daughter's Wednesday night church group end-of-the-spring choral presentation in late May Her grade only sang a couple of songs, and my wife and I were in self-imposed exile, watching in the back lobby of the church, because our two younger daughters were being too wild and loud. James B. Valentine Our wall s so high you would not recognize But fire burned and minimized the way it sat for all my life Kissed Persia goodbye, you see I brought a plan To get Jerusalem strong again The wall was where I d start -- Oh! It s a tough task making this wall complete We said goodbye to dinnertime and sports There are kids making some fun of me And I hope those boys, Sanballat and Tobias, get bored They tried their best to keep us occupied Said they d come in with their knives It s hard but we work side by side Oh, kept saying stuff bout me that s just insane Pretending I built this thing To turn around and be the king -- whatever This wall has taken us seven weeks Three days till I can finish up the doors Wal-Mart did make a good wall for cheap But I had no choice cause I don t live nearby any stores no oh oh I fixed this broken thing, repaired these openings I ain t your average Pink Floyd guy (Nehemiah, me oh my) I can t sing all their hits, but I know Another Brick Let me sing for you dause I m Nehemiah how do you do? Ezra has taken the scroll to read We said goodbye to sins we tried before Four hundred and forty-four B.C. and I have no Floyd And I can t play guitar like Gilmore It s rough just making this song funny We had to try and then we tried some more And I d like to break the monotony We say Maroon 5 should end it at the chorus Guess what I m making this all up here Read Nehemiah and Ezra right before Work hard and pray with a fervency But I have no voice so I so I will fade this right here for sure

255 Cheap Birds Parody of "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd Hits The Road Track 8 Matt. 6:26-34, 10:29-31; Luke 12:6-7, This song about God's provision is based on two illustrations Jesus used involving birds in Luke 12. Jesus noted that birds were sold very cheaply in the marketplace, but were still worth something to God, and yet we were worth much more. Since Lynyrd Skynyrd had hits with both a studio and a live version, we thought it was only appropriate that we should release both a studio and a live version. I wrote this sometime around 1996, I think, but it had to wait its turn to make it onto CD. Allen Collins & Ronnie Van Zant You do not need to fear tomorrow Would you still remember please That God must keep track of sparrows And there's so many ravens God s got to feed But if God takes care of bluebirds He'll bless you and me the same Cause I'm not cheap like a bird now And I'm born for better things And I'm worth more than odd change And I'm worth more than I think The Lord knows everything I find faith from listenin' to Jesus -- yeah, yeah When nervous feelings I can't shake So please don't take this for granted Cause the Lord knows all your needs But this Bible states here in Luke 12 He'll get food for me today Cause I'm not cheap like a bird now And I'm born for better things And I'm worth more than odd change And I'm worth more than I think The Lord knows everything The Lord helps me -- find the way Oh, night and day The Lord provides -- for cheap birds, yeah

256 Look Yourself Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem Hits The Road Track 9 Matthew 13:57; Mark 6; John 4:44; Romans 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9,10:13; 1 Corinthians 1:18, 3:19; James 1:23-25 The story of one man s salvation experience and the obstacles he encounters as he attempts to share his newfound faith with family and old friends. As Eminem s original is loosely an account of his own life as a rapper, so this is song is basically an account of my life when I first became a born-again Christian. I first got the idea for this song in early 2003, but I didn't really work on it intensively until the spring of That's when I started to focus specifically on it, and I wrote it over the course of many car trips to the bank (about 45 minutes away) and back, with my baby daughter Heather in the back seat. In addition to the line about "Welcome Back Kotter," I originally had a line earlier in the song saying "Look, there's no cavities" (referring to an old toothpaste commercial). Long after I finished the lyrics, but before we released our version, "Weird Al" released his parody of the song, "Couch Potato" on his "Poodle Hat" album. I bought it the day it came out and my wife and I listened to it in the car. We couldn't believe it when we heard him say "Look, Ma, no cavities." I said to my wife, "I'll bet he throws 'Welcome Back Kotter' into the mix, too, since this is a song about T.V. shows." Sure enough, he did. I was sick. Those were two of my favorite lines in the song. That same day, I hurriedly wrote a letter to Bermuda Schwartz (Al's drummer) to tell him how Al and I had both come up with two of the same lines. I wanted to make sure he (and any other Al fans) knew that we hadn't copied Al. I eventually deleted the "Look there's no cavities" line and replaced with something else, but I kept the "Welcome Back Kotter" line, because it was the exact sentiment that I wanted for that part of the song -- the idea of a guy going back to his old school as a changed man and having to deal with people who didn't believe he'd really changed. M. Mathers, J. Bass & L. Resto Look, if you have one God and one offer of eternity That exceeds everything you ve ever wanted, with one opponent Would you ask for it... or just let it slip? Yo He parks his Chevy, needs sleep, heart is heavy He s thought about repentin already, sun is setting This church is not having service it looks almost dead as he Drops by but they keep on the electric What a ghost town, he knelt down, don t know how He opens his mouth just the word Help comes out He s broken down, yet his heart is open now The lost one s found, winds up homeward bound Heads back to his family Look who s home, daddy And, look, he s so happy, he chose his own path but he Won t give up babbling, he broke his old habits they Don t seem so bad to me, hope it s some fad kike new Coke or Shaun Cassidy Don t need no radical holy-rollin masochist quotin old passages That s what ll happen then, though, he ll go fanatic-y Better go batten the hatches and hope it don t last You'd better look yourself in the mirror You know that you wanted to get to Heaven when you're old Do you really want God or not? Is it yes or no? It s awful soon you say, but what is the right time? You'd better look yourself in the book since you own it In Romans, you never read it yet I know You only get one shot to God, here s your chance to know His offer to you may come once in your lifetime His soul s been saved even though his whole family s gaping This world is blinded by Satan they can t see As he moves forward it s true George Orwell The moral of the story is truth s ignored, emotion s most important He ll only cause problems, the Holy Ghost got him He blows him all over, he knows the call s on him Goes to go show his bros at his Alma Mater, Welcome Back, Kotter They know he s just one of their own, so don t bother Said, Go home you barely know the Our Father Well hold the phones cause he knows it holds water If those don t want him no more he ll go farther And he moved on and he read the Romans Road till he knows it cold and shows others He s on his soap box and his tone becomes bold, I suppose he s no martyr But the weak grows strong and the dumb becomes smarter CHORUS No more names, I ve been changed, but you call it strange To tell my mother n father truth off the true God's page I was saying if you ve been sinning pursue God s grace I ve been shooed off and spit at like Rudolph the Reindeer But I kept shinin a lamplight that I can t stifle You best believe somebody paid for my revival Call the name of Christ and go find a Bible Fact is I can t deny that I m liable to die if my plans collide with life s iceberg Like the Titanic cause man needs God and you can t go buy a lifeboat And it s no movie; there s no surprise survivors This is high tide and you re tryin to row hard And you re hittin deeper waters tryin to flee piranhas I see Plus seaweed s got ya caught up between PBJ Otter and Bikini Bottom Babe it s not a submarine you re on and you must believe the Son He ll save you on the spot, He s comin ready or not I ve got to be to the point just like a nail on the cross I formerly was lost, horrendously frail and fraught With questions I know how Mother Hubbard s dog felt famine, drought Mom, I love you but this world has got to know I cannot grow cold when Hell is hot, so please don t go into shock, let the family talk This way is their only opportunity to find God CHORUS You can do anything if He gets inside you, man

257 Kick In the Wall Pt. 2 Parody of "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2" by Pink Floyd Hits The Road Track 10 Joshua 6 This song takes the familiar story of the fall of the wall of Jericho (from Joshua chapter 6) and turns it into a worship song. We thought it only appropriate that we should place this song directly after the song about the spies who checked out Jericho. A slightly different version of this parody (same theme, same title) appeared on our first studio-recorded homemade cassette, "Parable Guy," in the fall of We don't need no ammunition Victory's in God's control The dark side cannot win the battle We believe in Him alone Praise beats ya -- even Jericho! All in all let's just say God will kick in the wall All in all we'll just pray God will kick in the wall It's interesting that although the Israelites had warriors, it was God who caused the wall to fall down. The Bible says "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." That's 2 Corinthians 10:4, good buddy. Roger Waters

258 The Devil Went Down To Jordan Parody of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by Charlie Daniels Hits The Road Track 11 Matt. 4:1-11 In the original song we spoofed here, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," I always felt like the devil won. Sure, he might have lost the fiddle competition with Johnny, but he won the war, because Johnny was even more proud and arrogant at the end than he was at the beginning. That's not how you beat the devil. This parody tells the famous story of Jesus being tempted by the devil in the wilderness. The devil tried to appeal to Jesus' pride, but, unlike Johnny, Jesus didn't take the bait. He always appealed to the authority of Scripture when he answered the devil. Even when the devil tried taking the Bible out of context, Jesus put it back in context. Our parody is called "The Devil Went Down to Jordan," because Jesus was "led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil" right after being baptized in the Jordan. This song was originally slated for the "Jesus Christ Morningstar" CD, but we didn't have a fiddle player at the time. We still didn't have one when we recorded the track for "Grace Period" in 2002, but Pittsburgh native John Parrendo of the country band Blackhawk graciously guest starred for us. The fiddler featured on our "Hits: The Road" version is none other than ApologetiX keyboardist Bill "Wild Thing" Hubauer. J. T. Crain Jr., W. J. DiGregorio, F. L. Edwards, C. F. Hayward, J.W. Marshall, and C. Daniels The devil went down to the Jordan He was lookin' for a show to steal He was in a bind 'cause Jesus came to find The people willing to make it real And he came upon the Son of Man Saw He had no vittles and was prayin' to God Then the devil jumped upon the chance to tempt Him Said "Boy, let me tell ya, it's hot!" "I guess you didn't know it but I'm a vittle craver too "And kid I'm scared this desert air might get the best of you "Now you ain't been eatin' your vittles boy "But, kid, your dinner is due "So if you're really God's son, then turn these stones To bread and I'll butter it for you." The Lord said, "I am hungry, but that would be a sin "Cause it ain't by bread man's gonna be fed "But by the Word God's given him." John the Baptist washed the Lord and there's where it all starts Cause Jesus left the Jordan and the devil hit Him hard And if He wins we get to walk on Heaven's streets of gold But if He sins, the devil gets your soul The devil took Him up in space and said, "Christ, start to throw "Yourself off of this temple top as I'm watchin' from below "Cause I'm sure You know that God will bring All His angels to assist And then men would believe that You're Him If they saw You did something like this" When the devil finished, Jesus said "Well, you're temptin' God, old son And it's written down in that book right there That thing shouldn't ever be done Shout from the mountain what God's done The devil ain't a match for the rising Son You can never tempt God, did you not know Man, he doesn't live by bread alone The devil finally said, "Jesus, if You'll just worship me Then I ll give you gold that glitters All these crowns, and all You see" Jesus said, "Devil, just turn on back Cause I'm never gonna buy your scam I love God too much, I'm gonna resist I'd suggest you'd better scram!" And we say CHORUS

259 Didn't Just Die Parody of "Live and Let Die" by Paul McCartney & Wings Hits The Road Track 12 1 Cor. 15:12-20 In 1 Corinthians 15:17-19, the Apostle Paul talks about the importance of the Resurrection: "And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men." When He was hung on the cross like a common crook His accusers said He was just dead (You know they did, you know they did...) But it was everlasting life that He was livin' -- And they'd get a surprise He didn't just die! Didn't just die! Didn't just die! Didn't just die! LEAD What He did matters to ya -- Man He did a job for you -- you couldn t do yourself He had to save ya from the pit of Hell LEAD Now you still say He was just dead (You know you did, you know you did...) But He could never save this world unless He's livin' Don't you give up on Christ -- He didn't just die! But there's good news: He didn't just die! I got the idea for this one sometime in the spring of 1992 after our first concert as ApologetiX, and it appeared on our first live cassette, "Get Your Wigs," which was recorded in June of that year. I loved the way "He didn't just die" rhymed with "Say 'live and let die,'" and the way the music matched the climatic moment. I played with the words a little bit before we recorded the song on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" in However, I wound up changing one line back to the 1992 version when we recorded "Hits: The Road" in I decided I like the line "You should sing hallelujah" better than "what He did matters to ya." Paul & Linda McCartney

260 Died and Rose Parody of "China Grove" by Doobie Brothers Hits The Road Track 13 1 Cor. 15:3-5, 1 Thess. 4:14 When Paul is summarizing the Gospel to the Corinthians, he starts it out with this: "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures..." (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) Simply put, He died and rose. "Died and Rose" was actually written the year before "Didn't Just Die," even though they became great companion pieces on both "Jesus Christ Morningstar" and "Hits: The Roads." The titles flow well together, as do the lyrics, and the music. When the Son come down He was deep within the ground surrounded by a giant stone And it's no surprise that on the Sabbath day all His pals stayed home But things were all about to change and they never were the same Well, we're talkin' cause He died and rose -- Lord, died and rose! Well, their leader, Simon Peter, and John the Apostle, they took a walk to the tomb And the Gospel came alive when they arrived and they found an empty room But they had forgotten His claim that He'd resurface again Well, we're talkin' 'cause He died and rose -- Lord, died and rose! Then He came when the group met Sunday -- They'd locked the doors and shut the room But standin' right among them was the man they called Lord You just should have seen the look in their eyes! But Thomas would doubt it for eight more days Till Jesus came when he was there -- He just took one look and he believed! LEAD "Died and Rose" appeared on both our first live homemade cassette, "Get Your Wigs," and our first studio homemade cassette, "Parable Guy." Tom Johnston

261 Yes Today Parody of "Yesterday" by the Beatles Hits The Road Track 14 Psalm 95:7-8; Hebrews 3:7-8, 3:15, 4:7 This song is based on the biblical admonition "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts," which first appears in Psalms 95:8 and then reappears three times in Hebrews chapters 3 and 4. When I was growing up, there used to be a commercial for Total cereal that said "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Unfortunately, today may also be the last day of the rest of your life. When I was in college, I used to run into born-again Christians who would say, "If you were to die tonight, do you know for sure if you'd go to Heaven?" I was polite to them, but inside I'd be thinking they were pretty arrogant to ask such a question. How did they know that THEY were going to Heaven? I didn't realize that the Bible says you can know. As the Apostle John says in 1 John 5:13, "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. If today you should hear His voice don't turn away Now's the time that you should kneel and pray And finally say yes today Suddenly you might have to spend eternity In a place you never want to be Say yes today and just believe Christ He died for all -- there's no soul He wouldn't save There's just one thing you have to do say yes today "Yes" today seems like such an easy thing to say All you need is faith, so why delay? Say, "I believe," and "yes" today Why you might say no, I don't know... I couldn't say I'd say something's wrong if you don't say "Yes" today Yes, today might just be your final chance to pray All you need is faith, so why delay? Say, "I believe," and "yes" today Mmmmmmmmm I wrote this song way back in late 1995 for an all-beatles project we were planning to do. We included a live version on a homemade cassette called "Anthropology (Anthology of Apologies)," but other than that, it sat in the vaults for the next 10 years. But I felt it was a very moving song, so when Karl and I were picking songs for "Apol-acoustiX," I re-sang it for him, and he agreed with me that it was time to release it to a widescale audience. It became a popular song for us to play after the salvation message at our concerts, and a live version is included on "Hits: The Road" as well. If I recall correctly, the lyrics to this song came to me very quickly and required very little polishing. In fact, lyrics to the version on "Apol-acoustiX" are virtually identical to the one on "Anthropology." John Lennon & Paul McCartney

262 I'm a Receiver Parody of "I'm a Believer" by Smash Mouth Hits The Road Track 15 Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 8:32, Matthew 10:8, John 1:12 You know, when you compare the religions of this world, you ll notice something; every other religion besides Christianity is a system of man trying to reach up to God, to make himself good enough for God or whatever godlike state of enlightenment he is trying to achieve. Christianity is the only religion that shows God reaching down to man, when man realizes he can never be good enough on his own. It isn t so much about us giving things to God (although we do give Him our heart), as it is about receiving the gift He has given. Christ has this gift available to all of us, but He can stand outside the door and knock (Rev. 3:20) all your life, and if you don t open up the door and receive the gift, you re never going to get it. Ironically, "I'm a Believer" was on the very first album I ever received as a gift, a hand-me-down copy of "More of the Monkees" courtesy of my older sisters. Neil Diamond I thought God was only Jewish fairy tales Meant for someone else with lots more faith All my doubts depressed me -- that's the way it stayed Till a voice said, Honey, call my name Then I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver God replaced -- the doubt in my mind -- I've been loved I'm a receiver -- Got the Redeemer in my life I thought God was more impressed with givin' things He said, Boy, I gave the best I got What's the use in strivin'? All your debt is paid Didn't leave a punchline on My grave Then I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver Got a place -- a palace on high -- up above I'm a receiver -- I'm gonna be there if I die What's the use in strivin? All your debt is paid Check out Romans 10:9 -- I got saved When I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver Mama says -- I'm out of my mind -- I've been touched I'm a receiver -- I got Ephesians 2:8, 9 Then I got His grace -- now I'm a receiver Not afraid -- about when I die Now I'm a receiver, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

263 Enter Samson Parody of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica Hits The Road Track 16 Judges This is a song about a guy with big hair who was having a bad hair day. That made for a big, bad hair day. When I got the idea for this song in , it was just too good to be true. The title said it all, and the music had just the mood of menace necessary to tell Samson's story. It turned out to be "some kind of monster" hit for us. It's possibly our most-requested song in concert, certainly in the top five alltime. We did an earlier version on the original "Radical History Tour" cassette in 1994, but we deleted it when we released "Radical History Tour" on CD in We knew the revised version we were about to put on "Biblical Graffiti" would be much better. Weird Al's drummer, Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz played on that second version. He did it in two takes with no advance practice, aside from the fact that he once played in a polka medley with Al. Amazing. If Samson were around today, I think he'd probably be a Metallica fan. And just like them, he started out with long hair, got it shaved off, and then started growing it long again. Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich & James Hetfield See my hair, it's so long! How'd I get so strong? There's a clue in this song I've got you pinned! Always win! Rip you limb from limb When old Samson is done! See this one guy only whippin' your Philistines! Exercise isn't why! Shave my head! I'll be just another man! Something's wrong 'cause my might headed south tonight In the arms of Delilah She was a thorn in my side, she would nag and cry And I think she's a spy Sleepin' when I woke up, in came the Philistines Exit might! End of sight! Chained my hands! Took me to another land! SPOKEN: Now they made me blind and weak They cavort and hold a feast If I die a foreign slave Pray the Lord these poles to shake Watch little pagans! Don't fail me Lord! They made me blind I'm sure you've heard Make this a feast they won't forget Bring their bloodshed on their heads! Make things right! End their lives! Take a stand! Take this life! End it right! Take my hands! Crush them into desert sand! Boom!

264 Story of a Squirrel Parody of "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days Hits The Road Track 17 Genesis 6-8, 2 Peter 2:5, 3:3-9, Matt. 24:37-39, Heb.11:7 This song gives some facts and figures on Noah's ark and the place where it landed, with plenty of laughs along for the ride. We thought it would be cute to tell it from the perspective of one of the animals. I remember getting ideas for this song while I was trying to repair something on my front porch. This song spawned not one but two ApologetiX t-shirts. John C. Hampson This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while things looked so dark and Noah's ark was absolutely flooded Yet she's fine How many days were they there? Afloat in the boat it was over one year And how come the world didn't prepare? Meteorologists said it would clear How could they stand that raining? Where was the hope in the souls of the crew? Life on the waves is severe when it's Gilligan's Island combined with a zoo But Noah was aware the world would get sprayed And the rain would never fall in quite the same way But two of every creature would come out of things O.K. This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while things looked so bad and Noah's raft was absolutely flooded Yet she's fine Have they discovered the place Where the boat came to rest when the rain was all drained? Why don't we climb up its face? Walk up the mountain from Genesis 8? It's probably still there waiting there in the snow in the cold altitude How do we get there today when you walk into Turkey and hiking's refused? They've closed up the Ararat Mountains these days There's terrorists there besides -- it ain't safe And they're 17,000 feet high -- I think we'll wait This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And while she took no bath and those giraffes were absolutely stubborn Yet she's fine Well, you're told to prepare as well and get saved And the end of the world it might be on the way But you'd never think you'd run out of time today This is the story of a squirrel Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world And when we look close at Jehovah's wrath I absolutely shudder This is the story of a squirrel -- I tried to sing it about the old girl But all this went so fast -- I've noticed that I accidentally snubbed her Yet she's fine -- Oh, yes, she's fine

265 With a Harp David Writes Parody of "A Hard Day's Night" by The Beatles Hits The Road Track 18 (1 Corinthians 9:22; Psalm 144:9) This song was originally written for an all- Beatles project in late '95/early '96. We used to use it as an occasional opening song, and then it became a song-check song for a while. It was briefly available on a homemade cassette called "Fredericktown," a live recording from We always meant to put a version on CD, so when we were looking for new songs we could learn and record quickly for "Hits: The Road," this was a prime candidate. The key part of this song comes from 1 Corinthians 9:22, when the Apostle Paul says, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some." Paul had a background in the Jewish Scriptures and Greek philosophy, plus he was a Roman citizen. I used all of these things in his efforts to preach the Gospel. In a similar way, the guys in ApologetiX, had a background in many kinds of secular music, plus Christian music, and comedy. We try to use it all in our efforts to reach the lost and teach the rest. John Lennon & Paul McCartney It's with a harp David writes When he's a workin' on the Psalms It's with a harp David writes It could be guitar, bass and drums But when you get down to it It doesn't matter a bit We make a noise for Christ You know, the Word does say We must be all things to every man So some persons out there will be saved We've gotta make 'em understand So why on earth is it wrong To sing a rock and roll song? You know it's still God's praise When at home, Paul lived his life like a Jew When in Rome, he did just like Romans do... ooh, ooh It's with a harp David writes When he's a workin' on the Psalms It's with a harp David writes But we've got guitars and the drums In First Corinthians, you Will find verse 9:22 And then you'll see it's all right LEAD So why on earth is it wrong To sing a rock and roll song? You know it's still God's praise When at home, Paul lived his life like a Jew When in Rome, he did just like Romans do... ooh, ooh It's with a harp David writes When he's a workin' on the Psalms It's with a harp David writes But we've got guitars and the drums In First Corinthians, you Will find verse 9:22 And then you'll see it's all right You're gonna see it's all right You're gonna see the light

266 Walk on the Water Parody of "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple Hits The Road Track 19 Matthew 14:25-33; Isaiah 26:3 This is Peter's account of the night when both Jesus and he walked on the water. This song was written in the mid-1990's and was originally slated for the "Jesus Christ Morningstar" CD. I was afraid people would get bored with the same three chords over and over again if we started playing it live. I was wrong. I knew when I wrote this parody that I probably wouldn't be the only person who would come up with that title. Sure enough, many people over the years told us we ought to do a parody of "Smoke on the Water" and call it "Walk on the Water." Been there, done that, I told 'em. The main point of this song is in the third verse, "When you're in the boat, and He says to walk outside, you keep your eyes on Christ." Years later, I found out that Audio Adrenaline had a similar idea for a song with a similar title,"walk on Water," which came out in 1996 on their "Bloom" album. We were looking for three songs we could learn and record quickly as new bonus tracks for "Hits: The Road," so Karl and I picked this as one of them. I still remembered the words from 10 years earlier, so I knew that was a good sign. It quickly became a crowd pleaser. Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Gillian, Roger Glover, Jon Lord & Ian Paice We saw Him on the water On the lake when it was storming The waves crashed against the boat, but He didn t seem to mind James, Andrew and the others Were wishin they were safe and sound It sounds stupid, but I cried out Let me take a walk around! Walk on the water Messiah, let me try! Walk on the water He turned round and said, "Come out!" I started to walk around I looked about and started feelin doubt Thought for sure I would drown When it all was over He had to drag me from the lake As I was drying out Said, Peter, why d you lose your faith? Walk on the water your eyes on Messiah Walk on the water LEAD I ended up with a lot more faith Learned a lesson on that day That when you're on the boat and He says to walk outside You keep your eyes on Christ 'Cause if you know Christ and you trust Him No matter where you sail No matter what you set out to do I know, I know you never will fail Walk on the water beside Jesus Christ Walk on the water

267 Found God Parody of "Hound Dog" by Elvis Presley Hits The Road Track 20 John 5:24, Luke 23:43, John 11:25, Matthew 7:7, Romans 8:1 This song is based on John 5:24, where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." What more of a guarantee could you ask for? We used to do this song live in , but it was called "Never Gonna Doubt God" back then, and it consisted of two verses that repeated three times a piece. That gets monotonous, even in a short song like that. When we decided to record it live for "Hits: The Road," I spruced it up and changed the title and made it so none of the six verses are identical. That make it more exciting for me as well as the listener, because I rewrote the verses the same day we were scheduled to record it live. And I still had those old words ingrained in my mind. I spent much of the trip to Rhode Island that day writing and rehearsing the words. Then we decided not to record till the next night in New York! Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller I ain't nothin' but I found God It took quite a long time I went knockin' and I found God In spite of all my crimes Well, I had several naughty habits But my faith was genuine Well, He said to me I'd pass From death right into life Yes, He said to me I'd pass From death right into life Well, in verse 24 I read it There In St. John chapter 5 I ain't nothin' but I found God Christ is bona fide He came knockin' and I found God I said, Christ, come inside Well, I repented of my habits And I waved those sins goodbye LEAD Well, He said to me I'd pass From death right into life Yes, He said to me I'd pass From death right into life Well, in Luke 23 the robber Got the same promise as I LEAD Well, He said to me I'd pass From death right into life You know, He said to me, I'd pass From death right into life Well, He said Heaven's automatic If you place your faith in Christ You ain't nothin' till you've found God Find Him while there's time You keep knockin' till you've found God Christ, He doesn't hide Well, it's in 7:7 Matthew You seek and then you'll find

268 Wordplay 2006 We recorded this, our thirteenth CD, at various times during the spring, summer, and fall of At the time this booklet went to print, we were on a pace to do over 130 concerts for the year, making it our busiest yet. Lord willing, we should play our 1000th concert sometime in Wordplay is our first full-length CD of all-new material since Adam Up was released in Fall In the meantime, we released a "best of" compilation with seven new tracks (New & Used Hits) in Fall 2004, a 12-song acoustic project (Apol-acoustiX) in Spring 2005, and a live album (Hits: The Road) in Fall Wordplay is also our first project to fully feature our newest member, Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner, who also played three tracks on Hits: The Road. We chose the title Wordplay for a number of reasons, and not just because we've been known to engage in a bit of wordplay in our parodies. When studied in its original languages, the Bible is full of clever plays on words in both the Old and New Testaments. One example is when the Apostle Paul writes about Philemon's runaway slave, Onesimus, who had since become a Christian, in Philemon 1:11. Onesimus means "useless," so Paul makes the following pun: "Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me." Of course, just because something is funny doesn't mean it isn't true. As we've said many times over the years in ApologetiX, we take the Bible very seriously; we just don't take ourselves very seriously. Sharper than a two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12), the Word of God is nothing to be played with. But it is something that can be played... on musical instruments. As Psalm 33:3-4 says, "Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Furthermore, many of the songs on Wordplay (and our other CDs) are miniature plays or musicals based on the Word of God. In fact, musicals such as Jesus Christ Superstar and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat were every bit as influential on our style as "Weird Al" Yankovic and Mad Magazine. We even mention those musicals' composers, Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, in "Somebody Sold Me," our own treatment of Joseph's story, on this CD.

269 Somebody Sold Me Parody of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers Wordplay Track 1 Genesis Before this song came out, people often asked us why we'd never done a parody about the story of Joseph in Genesis Actually, way back in our early homemade-cassette days, we did a Bangles parody called "Bought by the Egyptians" and we have another really promising parody about the same topic that's been written and waiting for a decade. That song, "Giver of Dreams," was originally slated for "Wordplay," but we came up with a killer idea for a new treatment of the theme, so we used that instead. Along with "Jesus Christ Superstar" and "Godspell," the musical "Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" was a big inspiration not just for this song, but for all the story songs we do in ApologetiX. Joseph himself is an inspiration to all of us. Though he was mistreated, he tried to look on the bright side, and his faith didn't waiver. Being sold by our own brothers and then falsely branded a criminal by Potiphar's wife probably would make most of us a little hot under the collar. But instead of fussing and fuming, Joseph put his hope in God, even during a long prison stay. Consequently, instead of pushing up daisies, he came out smelling like a rose. I remember getting most of the first verse and chorus of this song while taking my oldest daughter, Janna, to gymnastics classes in Cranberry Township, PA. Brandon Flowers, David Keuning, Mark Stoermer & Ronnie Vannucci Take a ride back to the olden days 17 that s when I had to ditch this place And Jacob s my dad, guess you know his name He had me named Joseph and gave nice gifts Anyway, folks, I don t think you d like this Got heavenly clothes and the day I did I had 11 angry bros, better play nice, kids Sprang a trap now to bring me back down to size Never thought I d meet Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice But somebody sold me -- not Reuben or Benjamin But Judah and Simeon Levi, Gad and Zebulun, Dan and Naphtali Issachar and Asher Now, I've got my masters Then I got sold off to someone new Ran his household but his sleazy wife's untrue She said to me, Joe, give me just one kiss I said, for Heaven's sake, no, but she claimed I did Had me locked down, prison block now for life Never thought I'd see my dreams come true in all this strife But someone paroled me by divine appointment It went like a whirlwind Then I helped the Pharaoh when he had bad dreams He thought my potential -- was quite substantial My life turned-a life turned around Take a tip from me: I said, maybe things look bleak But you just don't know now what God is gonna do in time Yes, somebody sold me 'cause I annoyed them It looked like my world s end Now I have a federal job with the brass here It's not penitential; it's vice presidential I boss men-a boss men around Yes, somebody sold me and broke up our boy band It felt more like Pearl Jam Cause I was depressed but now it's a blast here It was providential and quite essential My life turned-a life turned around Yes, somebody sold me, if you haven't listened I walk like an Egyptian Cause I had been sent to there in the past, yes It's right there in Genesis chapter 37, kids My life turned-a life turned around

270 None Too Ladylike Parody of "1985" by Bowling for Soup Wordplay Track 2 1 Kings 16:30-32, 18:3-19, 19:1-2, 21:1-26, 2 Kings 9:7-22, 9:30-37 The Old Testament is full of heroes, but Queen Jezebel is one of its biggest villains -- a supervillain, if you will. One of the greatest days for the people of ancient Israel was when Jezebel finally went down for the count in 2 Kings chapter 9. She'd oppressed the God-fearing people of the land for so long they almost couldn't believe she really might be gone for good. Although her husband, King Ahab, and son, King Ahaziah, sat on the throne while she was queen, Jezebel was the true kingpin of the regime. Despite all her atrocities, though, Jezebel seemed to view General Jehu's bloody overthrow (literally) of her government as a takeover she didn't deserve. But in the end, her occult enchantments couldn't spare her own life. And when Jehu finally did strike, it was time for the Israelites to get happy. I got the idea for this song while driving my daughters to and from Wednesday kids' clubs. That's funny, because it wound up being my daughters' favorite song on "Wordplay," although they never heard the original. John Allen, Mitch Allan & Jaret Reddick Jezebel hit the wall, she really had a fall What a happy day for Israel s PTA She screamed a lot for sure when she fell 20 floors Finally bit the dust, man God overthrew her plans She was into Baal and Asherah She was gonna be in charge She was gonna just harass All the good Israelites at large She fell, oh, yes indeed Here s now her eulogy Look at her savage life Another desperate housewife If you're thinking Madonna was wild before Kabbalah Well there used to be one queen who made her look like Mrs. Clean Her stupid old husband, he gave her what she wanted But she killed and often lied She s none too, none too, none too ladylike She killed all the prophets she could ever find Wrecked Israel s idiot kings Ahab and Ahaziah She mocked God s commands not a big Leviticus fan Got the upper hand on the men around who ran the land Where s the ministers? Made em pagan And she s no mother-type; this isn t Nancy Reagan When immorality becomes P.C. What can the righteous do? Skip town, lay low cause that lady s a bloodthirsty piranha Ahab was her pawn just Like Count Dooku in Part 3 And Jezebel s like Palpatine She's ruthless and ice cold Don't tell us that she's nice, though Cause she serves the darker side She s none too, none too, none too ladylike These hate crimes they did stop General Jehu led an assassin s plot And when she saw he was comin after her Her face just dropped, dropped, dropped And now we're singing cantatas Happy Rosh Hashana And it s due to just one thing That Jezebel is history The prophet she talked to He told her she d be dogfood Cause she killed, she ought to die She s none too ladylike First Kings 16, you re gonna Meet her if you wanna Filled with voodoo, debauchery Her name lives on in infamy The truth s in the Bible She'd love Samaritan Idol She'd choose Baal and not Bo Bice She s none too, none too, none too ladylike

271 Jehovah Parody of "The Joker" by Steve Miller Wordplay Track 3 Isaiah 9:6; John 1:1, 1:18, 8:24, 10:33, 20:28; Acts 20:28; Romans 9:5; Philippians 2:6; Colossians 1:15, 2:9; 1 Timothy 3:16; Titus 2:13; Hebrews 1:8; 2 Peter 1:1 Jesus wasn't worried about what people thought of Him, but He WAS interested in who people said He was. As Matthew 16:13-20 explains, people had many different theories as to His identity: Some thought He was John the Baptist, others said Elijah, and still others guessed He was Jeremiah or one of the other prophets. But Jesus said He was (and still is) God. We've tackled the topic of the deity of Christ in previous songs, but this song features 16 of the most notable New Testament references (although there are others). Like many of our parodies, I got the idea for this one while mowing the lawn. I didn't set out to spoof it, but the chorus just came to me. The "I'm a preacher, a bornagainer" part stemmed from some friendly (believe it or not) debates I had with some Jehovah's Witnesses many years ago. I found out that just as we referred to them as "JW's" when they weren't around, they referred to us as "born-againers." We both had a chuckle about that. This song was written with Jehovah's Witnesses in mind, but it applies to anybody. The beginning is slightly reminiscent of the old Larry Norman song, "The Outlaw," which is one of my favorite Christian rock songs. Steve Miller Some people call Him a spaced-out poet, yeah Some call Him an angel above Some people from the Far East Say they think he's a prophet who taught love People talk about my Savior That's why I'm doin' this song provin' He's God Well, don't you worry, baby, don't worry Cause the Bible right here decides who's right and who's wrong Cause I m a preacher, a born-againer A Bible lover yet I m a sinner I play my music for the Son He s Jehovah, gonna show ya Though you may not know yet Look it up in John 1:1, oooh, oooh Titus 2:13 and John 10:33 And read along in Hebrews 1 verse 8 you'll see And Philippians 2:6 and then Colossians 2:9 And Isaiah 9:6, Romans 9:5 Cause I m a preacher, a born-againer A Bible lover yet I m a sinner I play my music for the Son He s Jehovah, gonna show ya Though you may not know yet Second Peter verse 1:1 Read in the Acts of the Apostles, baby And the Gospel of John 'Cause chapter 20, verse 28, both verses, mama Tells us Christ is our God Go to 3:16 First Timothy and see And read First John 5:20 'n' Colossians 1:15 John 8:24, there's plenty more, we're running out of time John 1:18, now I showed you He's divine.

272 Save Your Voice (Quiet Down Boy) Parody of "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big & Rich Wordplay Track 4 Zephaniah 3:14-17, Psalms 22:3, 2 Chron. 20:19, Psalm 98:4-9, Psalm 150:1-6, Romans 8:18, 2 Cor. 4:17, 2 Cor. 10:4-5; Ephesians 6:10-18, 1 John 5:13 Is there a believer out there who can truly say they've never been down? It's hard enough to remember to praise God in the good times; how about the bad times? As they said in the Wizard of Oz, "Now, that's a horse of a different color!" Sometimes, as we live this life, we get so caught up in the moment and in the troubles of the real world we forget that "our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" (2 Corinthians 4:17). We may face some big-time challenges and we may not be filthy rich, but we ain't broke yet, even if there appears to be nothing in our bank account at the time. As David said, "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread" (Psalms 37:25). It can require a real leap of faith to praise God in the midst of suffering, but we do have the promise that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). Furthermore, as believers in Christ, we have the promise that we're saved and we'll live forever. This is a cause for celebration and preparation, whether or not the Billy Graham Crusade or Promise Keepers is coming to your city. Some of the final lines of this song were written on a trip to Robinson Town Centre Mall in Robinson Township PA. Kenny Alphin & John Rich When I walk in doom and gloom Stressin bout a hundred different bills, man, it kills any thrill Like a thorn stuck in Cinderella s heel And I m bothered by a couple pounds I ve found I think my body s getting round and this clown Ain t never gonna be the same But the battle is the Lord s and I might as well get busy I m makin God annoyed when I wallow in self pity Fightin must be done God s way and God told us rejoice When the world says, save your voice, quiet down, boy Yeah, the Bible say, Praise the Lord nice and loud, boy When I don t give Him thanks about nothin I m sinkin in bleak thinkin my morale s a stinkin Don t get down! And I wouldn t trade my reward up in Heaven's gates For success that fades or some cheap charade And there s not a long wait left anyhow And the battle is the Lord s and He ll fight it to the finish I m raisin up my voice, and it works like Popeye s spinach Fightin must be done God s way and God told us rejoice When the world says, save your voice, quiet down, boy Then the Bible says, Praise the Lord nice and loud, boy I was full of dread 'bout what's ahead I looked back at what God did when Christ was sweatin' blood God's Son got onto that Calvary road When I find that I'm inclined to whine, havin' myself a rigorous time I'll be knowin' this is not as far as He had to go A thorough evaluation of my final destination Had me thank Him for salvation all life long So I look to God, He's big and strong He can use it when my whole world's wrong I figure if I really know His Son I should speak up when things get rough And the battle is the Lord s and my attitude is lifting I make a lot of noise, like it says in Psalm 150 Fightin must be done God s way and God told us rejoice When the world says, save your voice, quiet down, boy Then the Bible says, Praise the Lord nice and loud, boy

273 Boulevard of Both Extremes Parody of "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day Wordplay Track 5 Luke 17:11-19 Quick -- name something worse for your social life in ancient Judea than having leprosy. How about having leprosy AND being a Samaritan? That's the situation faced by the main character in this song, based on Luke 17: Put yourself in this guy's sandals: Every time when you come around a group of people you have to give them a warning that you're a leper - - as if they couldn't figure that out for themselves. Then, after they've taken a long look at you as you pass by and disappear down the lonely road, you can hear them muttering things like, "Good riddance" and "Samaritan idiot!" That could tend to make a person a little jaded or even turn them into a basket case. To this guy's credit, he persevered, and found out something very cool: the Jesus of Nazareth and all Judea was also the Jesus of Samaria. When reading this story in the Bible, I've tried to use it as an inspiration to remember to thank God for answered prayers. I always liked the old Andrae Crouch song "Take a Little Time" that deals with the same topic. I don't remember where I was when I first got the idea for this song, but I know where I was when I got the last parts and the title -- on my way to get my driver's license renewed. Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt & Tre Cool I walk Galilee road I know no one and I am an unknown I m Samaritan, though got a known disease but I got no home I ve got this leprosy all the folks who are approaching scream Where s their sympathy? They run and show me none, but I m not alone I m not alone, I m not alone, I m not alone, I m not a My fellow homeless ones, they walk beside me We share those marks that go with skin diseases There s nine Jewish among us -- they don t mind me With them, I m not alone We re all from Palestine race divides us but their skin s like mine And like Frankenstein ugly, wretched, scarred like Al Capone We see Jesus Christ let s walk up to Him He seems all right Yet in Bible times, we know it s not allowed, we must walk alone But I m not alone, I m not alone, I m not alone, I m not a- My fellow homeless ones who walk beside me They shout Have mercy on us, please Lord Jesus! Then Christ says we should turn from there and find priests To them I ve got to go I'm not alone, I'm not a- My God just set me free from a cruel, bizarre, awful disease Went to see the priests and on the road the Lord was my doctor My fellow homeless ones were healed just like me I shall embark to go give thanks to Jesus The nine all wish me luck but stay behind me And then I walk alone

274 Rocky's Now My Name Parody of "Rocky Mountain Way" by Joe Walsh Wordplay Track 6 Matthew 16:18; John 1:42 The name "Simon" was about as common in ancient Judea as "Joe" is in America today, and a number of Simons are mentioned in the New Testament. Even among the Apostles, there were two Simons -- Simon the Zealot and Simon son of Jonah, the brother of Andrew. But out of all the Apostles -- including Andrew, John, James, and the rest of the gang -- Simon Peter was the confessor that Jesus was "the Christ, the son of the living God." That's one of the reasons Jesus called him Peter, "The Rock." Although he was just an ordinary, average guy, he had an extraordinary faith. Sure, he chose to walk away and deny Jesus in the city before His crucifixion, but he left his life of seclusion after Christ's resurrection and all of a sudden became a bold witness for the Lord in the long run. Spent my past here, stuck in Galilee Couldn't get inspired Found the Master then He changed my name 'cause Simon's old and tired And you know Jesus says that I'm a rocky, stoney lad But if Rocky's now my name it's better than the name I had Well, the Zealot, magician and leper all had Names that they shared with me And there was a tanner Jesus' brother and Judas' dad even a Pharisee Simon's name was standard And there's Simon of Cyrene and Simon Cowell and more than that, uh huh So if Rocky's now my name it's better that He named me that This song was written way back in 1996, I think, and it sat in the vaults for a decade. Our old drummer Bill "Moose" Rieger thought it was really funny, and that was one of the main reasons we chose it for this project, although by the time we recorded it, Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner was our drummer. That's ironic, because there was already a line in the song that said, "And there was a tanner." Joe Walsh, Joe Vitale, Ken Passarelli & Rocke Grace

275 Heavenly Hill Parody of "Beverly Hills" by Weezer Wordplay Track 7 Matthew 17:1-9, Mark 9:1-9, Luke 9:27-36, 2 Peter 1:16-19) When Jesus took His buddies Peter, James, and John onto the holy mountain where He was transfigured, it must have seemed like a perfect situation for a retreat -- lush green mountain, gorgeous blue sky, and private quality time with the Lord Himself! Ah, the good life! Little did they know they'd also see Moses and Eljah and hear the voice of God the Father! On top of this, they witnessed Christ transfigured in His glory right before their eyes. Peter felt maladroit, not knowing what to say, but that didn't stop him from opening his mouth! Then, after it was over, Jesus warned his friends not to tell anybody what they'd seen until after He'd risen from the dead. They had to be thinking, "Say it ain't so! This is such a pity!" And they didn't even have a photograph to remember it by. Of course, they'd get the chance to re-hash the details many years later, and they knew it was no pipe dream. As Peter recounted years later in 2 Peter 1:16-19, this story wasn't make believe, and the effect it had on each of them could never be undone; they'd keep fishing for men until they day they died. This was a late addition to the "Wordplay" project. I told Karl my idea for the parody, and he was very excited about teaching kids about the Transfiguration. Part of this song was written in a toy store in Paducah KY. Rivers Cuomo Where I come from there's a tall flat place It's out on a hill where a ski slope's at My master went for a little walk With His friends there just to do a retreat He didn't go with some big group Just three guys, James and John and me While we prayed I saw the Son of God talking with the prophets Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy) Living on heavenly hill Heavenly hill -- Moses, Elijah, Jesus, and me (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy) Living on heavenly hill Looking brighter than a star, His clothes so beautiful they gleamed Don't know how they scrubbed His wardrobe but His face it seemed to beam I wonder if He'll look like that whenever Jesus Christ is king Maybe this ain't quite as cool but it's the next best thing Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy) Living on heavenly hill Heavenly hill -- Mark n' Luke 9, Matthew 17 (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy) Living on heavenly hill The truth is... I can't stand the suspense There's someplace that I'm more into And I guess it won't be long No, it won't, I guess you know that deep down too And I will always dream of that day When I will dwell in Paradise, but till that starts, hey Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy) Living on heavenly hill Heavenly hill -- Second Peter verse 1:18 (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy) Living on heavenly hill

276 Spread The Way Parody of "Drift Away" by Dobie Gray Wordplay Track 8 Acts 12:1-3, John 21:15-24 Back on our "Grace Period" CD in 2002, we did another song by Uncle Kracker called "Follow Me," which had the Apostle James (son of Zebedee) talking about his impending martyrdom in Acts 12. This song is the sequel to that one and picks up where the story left off, but from the perspective of James' brother, John, as he struggles not to crack under the pressure or drift into despair. James and John were no strangers to shame and persecution, having already been chastised, imprisoned, and beaten by the chief priests and temple guard in the past, and yet "rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name" (Acts 5:41). Still, there's no doubt that the martyrdom of James sent a shock wave through the church and the surrounding community. Yes, major persecution of the church had begun with the martyrdom of Stephen in Acts 7, but Acts 8:1 says everyone was scattered abroad "except the apostles." James was the first apostle to die, and he had been part of the "in crowd" of Jesus' three closest disciples, along with his kid brother, John, and the Rock, Peter. Now that King Herod had executed James and had tried to kill Peter, anybody was fair game; there was no gray area. This song has more than a historical application, however; it also addresses the age-old problem of dealing with the premature death of a loved one, even when you know you'll see them again in Heaven. I remember working on this song while visiting my brother-in-law and sister-in-law when they were still living in Northern Virginia. It was one of the first parodies I finished writing after "Adam Up," but it didn't fit on "New & Used Hits," "ApolacoustiX," or "Hits: The Road." When I was a kid, like many others, I thought Doby Gray was singing, "Gimme the Beach Boys" in the chorus, so it was natural to build on that. Mentor Williams Day after day my Lord comes through Still it looks more than likely that more ll be slain You know after James died my faith was bruised And I m feelin the pain but I ain t gonna change Jimmy and me, Lord, me and my bro You wanted apostles to walk the road and spread the Way Galilee Beach Boys, that's me and my bro We counted the cost and we rocked the boat and left the lake Why d You take him away? Beginning to think that I m racing time They don t understand the things they do But Lord our side will come out fine And I m counting on You when they bury me too CHORUS And when my time s complete You ll hold a family reunion And if my dreams come true I'll get to come with You real soon then Thanks Father God that I live and breathe I want You to know that I believe in Your Son But livin with dyin is hard for me So help me,god Ah, it s taking so long CHORUS You won t forsake me, you won t forsake me

277 Bone Digger Parody of "Gold Digger" by Kanye West (Featuring Jamie Foxx) Wordplay Track 9 Romans 1:18-25, Job 40:15-41:34 One thing that really frustrates us is when creationists are portrayed by the media as ignorant fools who believe the Biblical account of creation in spite of supposedly overwhelming evidence for evolution. In fact, many creationists are former evolutionists who became converted because of the wealth of evidence for creation and lack of genuine evidence for evolution. These people are not college dropouts; they have Ph.D.'s in fields like biology, botany, chemistry, geophysics, and plant physiology. We've had the pleasure of witnessing a number of debates between leading creationists and evolutionists, and the creationists routinely outfox their opponents. So, there is ray of hope, even for those who are currently fans of Charles Darwin and his descendants. Of course, the idea of a Creator God to whom all men are accountable is offensive to many humans, especially to the modern Western mind. There are atheists who wouldn't follow Christ even if Jesus walked into the room and started doing miracles right before their eyes. Some would even go as far as passing late legislation to forbid the teaching of intelligent design. And they call US close minded. Can you believe it? This song was either the last or next-tolast song added to "Wordplay," and it may be the most popular. When I was a kid, I loved dinosaurs and wanted to be an archaeologist or paleontologist when I grew up. We lived very close to a strip mine, and my friends and I used to hunt for fossils there. One day I really did find trilobites in stone, as the song says, and that was the highlight of my fossil-hunting career. Before that, I'd already found fossilized imprints of trees/ferns. Kanye West, Ray Charles & Renald Richard They make a monkey right out of me -- Yes, they've been tryin' endlessly Overeager bonediggers -- they never found that jigsaw piece They make a monkey right out of me -- It makes for funky biology I'm not the kid of some hominid, who comes from a lizard, whose mama was a fish Now I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers, but I say evolution don't figure Now, I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers, but I ain't never seen no holes bigger It sounds like no evidence found, it sounds like their heads in the ground It sounds like they're just too proud, it sounds quite boneheaded You need to ponder whether evolution is wrong Whether maybe you was put on under cover of dawn They said, "We can tell from rocks, we tell by the carbon" 'Cause this world has gotta flock of descendants of Charles Robert Darwin But I'm lookin' for the odds at casinos That life could come to be from random acids amino Zero -- we know it's hocus pocus And they wanna make all of that an accidental process? O.K., let's pretend a fishy got some kids That stood up on their fins and crawled up on land Without evidence and here we are today If you're trustin' in this worldview you better have faith You know why? They make too much of nothin' Stuff that I've heard it should have been on Mythbusters Their best forensic samples couldn't cut the mustard You don't care what none of us say you still trust it (They make a monkey) Now I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers (right out of me) But I say evolution don't figure (It makes for funky) Now, I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers (biology) But I ain't never seen no holes bigger (I'm not the kid) It sounds like no evidence found (of some hominid) It sounds like their heads in the ground (who comes from a lizard) It sounds like they're just too proud (whose mama was a fish) It sounds quite boneheaded 1859's the fateful year -- they've had 150 years to prove their great new theory I know some funny ways they found support for some of it, kids They made some hominids from parts of gibbons and pigs Your museums are deceiving when you visit one they Take a couple bones pawn it off as a primate They were s'posed to find all sorts of life forms we could study They went to the rocks and got dinosaurs in the muddy They're talkin' down actin' like the Bible is so funny Could've got dinos sooner if they tried Job 41-y If it ain't no bunk, holler "We want proof now, we want proof now, yeah!" It's somethin' that'll make you mad Cause all the links they had were either weak or bad Great big digs since the 1860's And after waiting and searchin' they found out it doesn't exist? CHORUS Now I ain't hating on the bone digger, no, not me I've found trilobites in stone and some petrified trees You know evolution ain't paleontology Transition forms are lackin' -- got a hole up his sleeve But -- the other option's not fun So he gonna make you into a man out of that pond scum This is his religion baby, don't be surprised That fishy on all fours on his jeep's his messiah So, let's no fight -- I won't abuse Darwin 'cause that's not nice And they're gonna keep stallin' and tryin' to prove they're right though And when you catch on we'll lead you back to the Bible SECOND HALF OF CHORUS

278 Bad Dad Parody of "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter Wordplay Track 10 2 Kings 16:1-4, 18:1-6, 21:19-24, 22:1-2, 23:25, 2 Chronicles 28:1-4, 29:1-2, 31:20-21, 33:21-25, 34:1-2, 33; Ezekiel 18:14-23; Psalms 27:10; Deuteronomy 24:16; Numbers 26:9-11, 1 Chronicles 9:19 By the time we recorded this song, only two members of ApologetiX had dads who were still living. Those two dads, the fathers of J. and Jimmy, get high praise because they've been great examples and have great relationships with their sons. They've come to quite a few concerts too. Unfortunately, there are many people today with fathers who were abusive, absentee, alcoholic, apathetic, or amoral. It's no wonder they have a hard time believing in a loving Heavenly Father. "How do I know He's not going to lie to me like my earthly father did," they wonder. "God may have been the one to give me life, but can He be the one to give me love?" These poor souls feel lost on the stoop of their own front porch, with their sense of self worth crushed to powder. Once upon a time, we could at least count on Hollywood movies and television shows to give us good father-figure role models on the silver screen. Today many of them are suspect at best, and some of them are criminal suspects! A lot of kids figure they're doomed to follow in their father's footsteps, but how do they break free from that loop? Psalm 27:10 says, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." Even if you've been feeling that your earthly father doesn't love you lately, your Heavenly Father does. In Ezekiel 18, God talks about sons who see their fathers sinning but don't follow that path and says, "The son will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity." Two great examples are found in the book of 2 Kings. King Ahaz and King Amon were the two most wicked kings of Judah, even sacrificing some of their children to idols (Yes, King Manasseh had been just as wicked, but he repented, whereas they did not), but their sons, King Hezekiah and King Josiah, turned out to be the most righteous. I got the idea for this song while I was driving back from making a mortgage deposit at a bank office on McKnight Road in Pittsburgh. I also remember working on it on the way back from a funeral I attended. Daniel Powter Where was your father when you need him most? He picks up and leaves and there's bad things he does You tell me your bloodline's made that way You tell me your dad has gone astray And you don't feel like carryin' on You're stranded in life 'cause of him and you know You figure that now there's a curse on your soul You tell me you'd like me to change your mind Read all of Ezekiel 18 and find The child don't need to bear the brunt 'Cause you had a bad dad -- so, baby, what now? Who said your dad's son just can't turn it around? In case you don't know -- I'll show you a couple guys The worst in the Bible -- but the kids were alright You had a bad break -- your family's gone awry But calm it back down, baby, really, don't cry You have a better fate -- You gotta have faith Well, you need to cruise by Psalms today The 27th chapter -- what's it say When dad don't seem to care at all? 'Cause you had a bad dad -- so, baby, what now? Who said your dad's son just can't turn it around? In ages long ago -- King Ahaz was a guy Who's worthless and vile -- but he had Hezekiah And after that day, King Amon arrived He brought a black cloud but his kid was Josiah Who brought a better day (oh, follow me) Second Kings 16 through 23 shows you how things can turn around King Ahaz and Amon were bad to the bone But they had the most righteous sons to be on the throne Yeah So where was your daddy when you needed him most? Oh, you know what? You need to believe in a Dad you can trust 'Cause you had a bad dad -- so, baby, what now? Who said your dad's son can't just turn it around? In Second Chronicles 28 through 35 Ahaz was reviled but they loved Hezekiah And how about Amon -- he was despised But, how they revered his son Josiah He had a better fate -- you gotta have faith You gotta have faith

279 Back in the New Testament Parody of "Back in the U.S.S.R." by The Beatles Wordplay Track 11 Matthew 5:17, Galatians 3:24-25, 2 Timothy 3:16 This song discusses something that anybody who's ever read the Bible straight through has experienced -- the thrill you feel when you finish the Old Testament and finally get back to the New. Of course, as this song points out, the New Testament is where all of the prophecies of the Old Testament come together in Christ, who came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. Paul adds some great points about that in Galatians 3: And Jesus himself says in John 5:46, "For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me." This was one of three songs from "Wordplay" that we pre-added to our set list in the spring of 2006, but it was actually written back in late 1995 about the time the Beatles Anthology television special and CD came out. We originally performed it in concert at Lazarus' Tomb coffeehouse in early 1996 as part of an all-beatles concert. John Lennon & Paul McCartney Ooh I finally finished readin' the O-L-D Hebrew Testament last night All the way I prayed that God would have mercy Man, I'm glad that we've got Christ I'm back in the New Testament You don't know what you got till it's gone, boy Back in the New Testament Genesis was long -- I hardly noticed it Gee, it didn't seem that long Three weeks later on I'm stuck in Exodus Wonderin' what the heck went wrong I'm back in the New Testament With Matthew, Mark, Luke and then John, boy Acts of the Apostles, next the Epistles Last the Apocalypse of John Well, the Jewish laws came from God's own mouth Please don't get me wrong But God's own Son came to live 'em out He told us that in Ma-ma-matthew 5 verse 17 all along I'm back in the New Testament We're only half done with this song, boy Back in the New Testament Well, you can't have Jesus Christ without The Old Testament The Law was given to point sin out And lead us all to Christ Galatians 3:24-25, my oh my Moses' laws, the Psalms and Prophets they all count Take them as your Daddy's word Genesis through Malachi I read them all But admit that I prefer To be back in the New Testament You don't know what you got till it's gone, boy Back in the New Testament *NOTE: To get this song to rhyme correctly, whenever the word "Testament" appears in the chorus, you should pronounce it like this: "Test-a-MONT," so it sounds kind of French. Try it; it works! When the word appears in the verse, just pronounce it the regular way.

280 Jericho Parody of "Vertigo" by U2 Wordplay Track 12 Luke 19:1-9 Although the name Jericho evokes images of Joshua, this song's about a guy who was really up a tree --Zaccheus, a tax collector too short to see Jesus through the crowds when the Lord came to the town of Jericho, so he put aside his pride and climbed up onto the edge of a sycamore branch for a better view. Most people, including Zaccheus (and maybe you, too, had you lived back then) thought Jesus wouldn't want anything to do with a bad tax collector, but the Lord works in mysterious ways -- Jesus looked up and saw Zaccheus and knew his heart's desire, so He called him down by name and invited Himself over to Zaccheus' house for dinner, leaving one repentant sinner dizzy with delight and many unrepentant Pharisees scratching their heads. I didn't set out to do anything with "Vertigo" by U2. Usually we shy away from doing spoofs of songs by groups that have Christian overtones. I knew of the song, and the line "I'm at a place called Jericho" just came to me one day. The very next day, Karl said to me, "Hey, 'Vertigo' by U2 just won a grammy. We ought to do something with that song." I took that as a confirmation, but I didn't really want to do another song about Joshua. Then I thought about how the story of Zaccheus takes place in Jericho, too. I remember way back when I was in grade school, one time a kid had to do the Bible reading for a church service, and it was, "Jesus entered and passed through Jericho, and there was a man named Zaccheus, the chief among the tax collectors." We'd done a song about Zaccheus called "Hey Zaccheus" in the early days of the band, but it never made it onto CD, so I thought we'd take another look at the story, from Zaccheus' perspective. Special thanks to Vann Lantz, Greg Savitt, and Lisa Duncan for their help with the Hebrew counting at the beginning. U2 Achat, shtayim Achat, shtayim, shalosh, arba Christ s in town, the Lord The trouble is my head, can t see, I m short And Jericho is thronged and jammed I thought I d climb so high and then I saw The Man they sought for signs and wonders Shalom, shalom I m at a place called Jericho My name s Zacchaeus if you didn t know And the view s really something from this tree, tree My life is cruel and cold I ve always been a guy who clings to gold I think of all the times I ve robbed and stole I need a second chance can He save souls? I m a man who cheats on taxes he collects So I guess I ve failed -- then Jesus cranes His neck Sayin to me, You there! Maybe He can use me Shalom, shalom I m at a place called Jericho He said, Zacchaeus, let s get dinner, bro But first you need to come down from the tree, tree Yeah, yeah, yeah! Here we go! Jump in! All my debts I will now restore Half of this, I give to the poor All the rest I give to the Lord Forgiveness is what I want I know what s it s worth Shalom, shalom I m at a place called Jericho Christ s in town, and all I know is the Dude s really something I can feel His love reaching me now Read Luke 19 you ll see how Cause He's real! Real!

281 Superficial Parody of "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder Wordplay Track 13 Isaiah 29:13; Matthew 7:1-5, 15-23; Matthew 13:24-29, 36:43; Matthew 15:7-9; Matthew 23:24-29; Mark 7:1-23 The Pharisees and scribes thought their observance of religious traditions put them on higher ground than the rest of the people. Jesus, however, said they were blind guides leading the blind. Of course, they weren't exactly overjoyed to hear that, but He was right. They had the Word of God at their fingertips but missed what the Book was really talking about -- even as Christ was performing signs and wonders in their midst -- because they were so uptight about their rituals. As He said Mark 7:6-7, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.' You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." I wish those days were over, but unfortunately there are still plenty of Pharisees and scribes walking around today. Very superficial whitewash on the wall Very superficial letter of the law There s too much obeying, no one s looking past Leaven s in the breadbox spreading pretty fast And do you really think that the Lord judges man on the surface Superficial change your ways Ooh, Pharisee official wash your face and hands Sifting out the small bugs, swallowing a camel Keep doin the same things, even though they re wrong You don t want to change things, you ve had em so long When you receive these things that you know come from man And you're stubborn Your traditions taint your faith There is true forgiveness nothing more than grace Carry your traditions to 29 Isaiah Thirteenth verse, oh baby, go and look into that 7:6-9 in Mark put it in your past And do you really think that the Lord judges man on the surface Superficial change your ways Once I got the lines "Very superficial -- whitewash on the wall" and "Pharisee official -- wipe your face and hands," I knew we had something special to build on. We recorded the vocals for this song and "Bone Digger" in a late-night session in a makeshift studio at a Red Roof Inn in Toledo OH, after playing a concert for Yes- FM on September 9, It didn't hit me until later that we had recorded two songs that involved Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles (whose song "I Got a Woman" is used in Kanye West's "Bone Digger") in the same session. Stevie Wonder

282 Humpty Dumpty Country Club Parody of "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins Wordplay Track 14 Prov. 16:18; 1 Cor. 10:12; James 3:2, 4:6; Phil. 2:3; 2 Cor. 12:9-10; 1 Peter 5:5-6; 1 Timothy 3:6, 1 John 2:16, Luke 18:9-14 I wouldn't recommend "The Devil's Advocate" as a good family film, but you can find traces of Biblical truth everywhere, including that movie when Al Pacino (playing Satan) says, "Pride... it's my favorite sin." This song is written from the perspective of one of Satan's minions. Of course, not too many Bible verses have been quoted more than Proverbs 16:18, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." The ironic thing is people with pride problems probably won't hear this parody and say, "That song's about me." But hopefully, it'll keep us all on guard lest our own moods swing in that direction. As 1 Corinthians 10:12 says, "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" Part of this song was written in the car after dropping our oldest daughter, Janna, off at a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's in Bridgeville PA. Trivia: At one time, we considered going in an entirely different direction for this parody and having it be about Noah's neighbor's reacting to his building the Ark. It would have been called "A Hunk o' Junk That Won't Get Done." Dallas Davidson, Randy Houston & Jamey Johnson Butter him up some All right, boys, this is his favorite sin, you know that's pride So if we make him good and proud, he might give us a chance again Oh, he let his guard down -- Here he comes, here he comes Yep, yep, they get pride and slip Humpty Dumpty's great fall -- you know it starts at the wall He was up there 10 feet tall -- didn't want the Lord's help at all Though they trust in the Lord when they're climbing up the stairs Sure n'uff pride it makes 'em fall and stumble once they're there At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club Keepin' perfect without any help from anyone Now you're growing strong like old King Kong But ooh he sure fell down, smacked the sidewalk Yeah, pride precedes a fall like Goliath long ago Lord have mercy how do people get to be such snobs At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club Now humble meek behavior is what your Father favors Petty pride-filled strangers are worse than the moneychangers Glance at chapter 2 of Philippians verse 3 He hates a big ego but loves true modesty Not that Humpty Dumpty Country Club Now read in Proverbs 16:18 while I sing this song God opposes all the cocky dogs And ooh wee -- bow wow wow -- cats can scare them off Yeah, pride precedes a fall like the Pharaoh long ago The Lord has mercy on the weak but just resists the strong At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club He don't care about your strength and your religious discipline How handsome, smart, or brave you are -- you get those gifts from Him Pride makes everybody crazy -- you think you're feelin' tough Take the devil as your lesson -- if it looks like you're hot stuff At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club Now peek in First Corinthians verse 10:12 and read along Now you're showing off and walkin' tall But ooh wee shut your mouth and wipe that grin off Yeah, pride proceeds a fall, like that cherub long ago Lord have mercy how'd they all forget your risen Son At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club That's it right there boys That's why we do what we do They aim for the money They aim for the glory They aim for the pretty women They want in the country club

283 Swimmer Parody of "Slither" by Velvet Revolver Wordplay Track 15 Matthew 8:23-27, Mark 4:35-41, Luke 8:22-25, Matthew 14:24-33, Joel 2:32 Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13 This parody discusses two miracles Jesus performed in Matthew 8 and 14. Both took place while the Apostles were in boats on the stormy Sea of Galilee. The first was when Jesus (and Peter, albeit briefly) walked on the water, and the second was when Jesus calmed the storm. In both cases, people were about to drown and called out to Jesus to save them. Peter cried, "Lord, save me!" and the Apostles said, "Lord, save us!" They're both dramatic illustrations of what the Bible says in Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, and Romans 10:13: "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." I got the idea and 90 percent of the lyrics for this song while I was driving home from a Yes-FM concert in Toledo with my wife, daughters, and Hubie all asleep in the the family van. At first, I was just playing around with the song but shied away from it because we'd just done "Walk on the Water," but once I got the part about the calming of the sea and noticed the connection in both stories (people drowning and saying "Lord save us/me"), it felt like a revelation. As soon as we started playing this song in concert (months before the release of the CD), we could tell it was really powerful. Saul Hudson, Dave Kushner, Duff McKagan, Matt Sorum & Scott Weiland Hey Hey Hey When we looked the sea turned gloomy Got so rough we feared tsunamis On the boat we d never seen such tides Our Lord deep in slumber lingered Past the point where we might sink we cried Jesus Christ please save us or we ll die Then He calmed the waters The One who hushed the waves can save both you and I It s time you see Hey Hey Hey When the sea was cruel and stormy Late one night we saw Him walking On the water, gravity defied Always eager Simon Peter Starts to walk but gets cold feet He cries Jesus Christ please save me or I ll die When you re on the water You ve got to call His name forsake your foolish pride It's time you see That like those others you've got to call the name that saves or else you'll die Eternally In the Book you ll see quite clearly Matthew chapter 8 and 14 Call on the Lord -- whosoever will won t die When you re underwater You ve got to call the name that saves all humankind Verse 10:13 In Romans, brother, and Joel 2:32 And Acts 2:21, listen to me Romans 10:13 for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

284 Here I Go (Against All I've Known) Parody of "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake Wordplay Track 16 John 3:3; Romans 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, 10:9, 10:13; Ephesians 2:8-9, 2 Cor. 5:17 Like the Psalms of David, this song is a prayer and a conversation with the Lord. It's the cry of a sinner who is a long way from home but is ready and willing to become a saint, even though he knows it'll get him into trouble with old friends, who will brand him a fool for believing. This cat's thought it out and counted the cost; it's no slip of the tongue. I thought it would be really cool to have a special song that a person who was ready to come to Christ could sing along with as a prayer. Furthermore, it's the kind of song a new Christian can sing as he faces trials in his new walk. David Coverdale & Bernie Marsden I don't know what I m doing but I sure know that I ve sinned Hangin on the precipice with a thousand debts to pay And I've made up my mind; I ain t waitin for more signs Here that story ends, here I m born again They love it when you're searching for an answer They never seem to mind until you think you re sure Oh, Lord, I pray You give me strength to bear this cross Cause I know what this means -- it won t be long they re calling me extreme Here I go against all I ve known Though I m down and out I know I m not alone Though I ve drifted far from shore You re on the boat And I ve made up my mind; I ain t waiting for more signs I guess You know it s hard for me to trust You Faith is all stuff we cannot see But I m gonna hold on, Lord, and rest in my faith Cause I know what I read to walk with God I only need belief And here I go against all I ve known Though I m down and out I know I m not alone By the Scriptures I was warned so long ago And I ve made up my mind; I ain t waiting for more signs 'Cause here I m born again, here I'm born again, here I'm born again, here I go Cause I know what I need to walk with God, so Lord help me believe Here I go against all I ve known Though I m down and out I know I m not alone Though I ve drifted from you, Lord, I m walkin home And I ve made up my mind; I ain t waiting for more signs And here I go against all I ve known Though I m down and out I know I m not alone All the Scriptures I once scorned I want to know And I know what this means -- it won't be long they're calling me extreme Here I go against all I ve known Though I m down and out I know I m not alone Though I ve drifted far from shore You re on the boat And I ve made up my mind; I ain t waiting for more signs

285 Ephesians Parody of "The Reason" by Hoobastank Wordplay Track 17 Ephesians 2:5-10; 2 Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:4-7; Galatians 2:16, 21; Romans 4:16, 5:2, 5:8, 11:5-6 The Bible says we are saved by God's grace (undeserved favor) and not by our good deeds. The proof is right before your eyes in passages like Ephesians 2:5-10, Titus 3:4-7, 2 Timothy 1:9, Galatians 2:16-21, Romans 11:5-6, and Acts 15:11. Those same directions apply to everyone, because God is no respecter of persons. Yet, for some reason many professing Christians have an "every man for himself" attitude, thinking they can or must work their way into heaven. Consequently, they miss the target. Did you know that the Bible never says "the Lord helps those who help themselves"? Rather, the Lord helps those who can't help themselves but confess that their sins are out of control, and come to Him for mercy. Unfortunately, many "religious" people still keep running away from the truth rather than running to the Lord -- crawling in the dark when they could and should be walking in the light. The goodness you need to get into Heaven isn't inside of you unless the Christ is inside of you. That's the only way to make your sins disappear. We originally considered spoofing Hoobastank's "Crawling in the Dark" on our "Adam Up" CD, and we hated to miss the opportunity to spoof a group with a name like that. Thankfully, we got a second chance when Hoobastank released "The Reason." We treaded cautiously, because "The Reason" had a positive message and was a song that probably meant a lot to many people as did "In the End" by Linkin Park. So we thought about how we'd turned "In the End" into "Corinthians" and lo and behold, "The Reason" became "Ephesians"! Douglas Robb, Dan Estrin, Markku Lappalainen, and Chris Hesse I'm not allergic to workin' But many things religious people do Are cause they think they're earnin' A Heaven they must work their way into But no one has to pay before they go The Bible wants you to know I've found salvation is free And changed how I view good deeds From readin' I started to do In Ephesians chapter 2 It's not about our virtue It's something that's a gift we get through grace And all the things for good you do Are just the icing you put on the cake Ephesians 2:8 makes all that clear That's why I'm leading you here I've found Ephesians to read It changed why I do good deeds Salvation is not what we do Are you readin' it too? Are you readin' it too? Are you readin' it too? Are you readin' it too? Another perfect person Was Heaven-sent to do those things for you And so no one who's saved can ever boast In any one but the Lord I've found salvation's a tree And faith's what you use for seed But grace is the start of the roots And good deeds are just fruit 1:9 Second Timothy shows And Titus 3:5 says it's so And Romans provides added proof In 11:6 too

286 Won't Get Born Again Parody of "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who Wordplay Track 18 Revelation 13-19; 2 Thessalonians 2; 1 Thessalonians 5:1-3; Romans 11; Zecheriah 12:8-11; Hosea 1:10-11; Zephaniah 1:14-18 You can't explain the full story of antichrist with just one book of the Bible. Oh really? Sure, the book of Revelation includes much of the details, especially in chapter 13, but the seeker will find plenty of other pertinent passages in Daniel 11, 2 Thessalonians 2, 1 John 3, and Matthew 24. Those chapters join together to paint a portrait of a false peacemaker who strikes a bargain with the nations to become a substitute messiah. But behind those blue eyes lurks the cold heart of a beast. Who is he? Nobody knows for sure, but he could appear anyway, anyhow, anywhere -- maybe even in our generation. You better read the Bible to find out what's (and who's) next. This parody was written back in the mid- 90's, but it had to wait many years before we recorded it. With each CD, it would come into consideration and not make the final cut. In fact, we almost took it off "Wordplay" to make room for another track, but our keyboard player, Bill "Wild Thing" Hubauer, fought to keep it on, and we're so glad he did. Pete Townshend They'll be frightened of the beast And they still will have no peace And the hero that they worshipped will be gone And the man who spurred them on The one they thought could do no wrong Is a tyrant a lot like Genghis Khan A tip I have for the United Nations: Take a browse through the book of Revelation Bible says there's a stranger comin' round Who'll specialize in charm and grace -- pacify every race But he led all the people astray Who don't get born again A savior had to come they knew it all along But they never read about the one that's false And the world will bless his name it's a mystery and a shame 'Cause the man that they love won't win the last war A tip I have for the United Nations: Think about what you'll do on that occasion Bible says there's a stranger comin' round Who'll shoot up like a star in flames can't quite guess his name But he'll get all the people to pray Who don't get born again no, no He'll fool the world when he finally arrives They'll be happy till they're left out to dry He'll get all the nations to buy into his lie But I know that the Israelites won't comply -- Will ya? LEAD Yeahhhh! And nothing is complete till all of Israel is redeemed It's in Romans verse 11:25 And the Lord will heal the rift In all the hearts of Israelites And the people and their God will both unite A tip I have for the United Nations: Wake up now to the dude in Revelation Smile and grin when there's peace all around (Don't) forget about the price you'll pay there on Judgment Day When you get on your knees and pray But won't get born again Won't get born again no, no LEAD Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Meet the true God name is Jehovah

287 Want It Dead Or Alive? Parody of "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi Wordplay Track 19 Philippians 2:9-11, Romans 14:10-12, Psalm 66:4 You can run away from the truth in this life, but everyone will have to face the facts on the other side of eternity. The truth always wins out in the long run. Lay your hands on a Bible and see for yourself in verses like Philippians 2:9-11, Romans 14:10-12, and Psalm 66:4. Some keep the faith but others say, "It's my life, and I'll live it like I want to," never realizing the slippery slope they're on. They want to go out in a blaze of glory, regardless of how high the fahrenheit might get in that blaze. Others plan to repent after they're finished "living," uttering a prayer for salvation at that time, but time goes by so quickly they never say goodbye to their old way of life. That's why the Bible says, "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts." If you've ever wanted to bounce back from a life of sin, the time is now. This song was originally included (in a more primitive form) as the title track on the last homemade cassette we released before "Isn't Wasn't Ain't." It was written at the fabled "Hotel Lelia," the duplex Karl and I lived in back in Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora We re all the same, all gonna praise His name Everything that He's created and made On Judgment Day in the place where our souls go You find out now or when you get back home Find it now boy or you will once you die Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive? The time is late -- so don't procrastinate The people who wait -- often overestimate Your time could come today while you dawdle at the brink The choice is yours alone -- I'm callin' you to think Find it now boy or you will once you die Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive? Oh, get it right! But now you want free speech -- you wanna get me off your back It's plain to see but you might not face the facts But you'd best prepare for that judgment hall You've had a million chances so don't drop the ball Find it now boy or you will once you die Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive? Find it now boy -- you've got the right to decide Do you want it dead or alive? Dead or alive? Get it right -- dead or alive Christ still triumphs -- dead or alive

288 Singled You Out Parody of "Figured You Out" by Nickelback Wordplay Track 20 1 Peter 5:8, James 4:7, Hebrews 10:25, Proverbs 18:1, 1 Corinthians 10:12, John 10:10, 2 Corinthians 2:11, Psalm 7:1-2, Psalm 17:11-12, Proverbs 1:32-33 We sing about a few villains on "Wordplay," including Jezebel and the Antichrist, and it's hard to believe there could be anybody worse than those two, but there is. The subject of this song gives new meaning to the word anti-hero. He's not a hero, and he's "anti" every hero of the Bible. It's the devil himself. Aside from the National Enquirer, nobody claims to have a photograph of the devil. We may not know what he looks like, but we know what he acts like: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10). T The Bible likens the devil and his minions to dangerous animals like lions, dragons, wolves, and snakes. Satan is too bad and too powerful for us to face alone, and that's why he tries to single you out and separate the sheep from the rest of the flock. And yet, as powerful and as frightening as he is, if we resist him, he will flee (James 4:7). Still, it's a lot easier to resist him with the help of other believers, which is one of the reasons Hebrews 10:25 says, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Part of this song was written at the food court at Ross Park Mall in Ross Township PA. This track sounded so sinister that we put it last on the CD, so it wouldn't scare people away. Chad Kroeger, Mike Kroeger, Ryan Peake & Ryan Vikedal I like to prance around your street And I m like a lion that wants more meat And I like the wayward selfish sheep Who are not looking out for me They re like my favorite thing to eat And I love to play to their egos And I love to keep them off their toes And I love to make them think they know Too much to fall under control Of another power not their own And now I m going to devour the ones in my power Cause I singled you out (The devil is a roaring lion) And now I m going to devour the ones in my power Cause I singled you out (1 Peter says in chapter 5) I like the fickle ones the best They like it when their lives stay blest They like to think they re not possessed Till I put them to the test I like when pride stays unconfessed And I know the way to stack the deck And I love a good life I can wreck And I might attack with wealth or sex While I put doubts in their heads I love a scandal s chain effect And now I m going to devour the ones in my power Cause I singled you out (The devil is a roaring lion) And now I m going to devour the ones in my power Cause I singled you out (The devil is a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour) (He s got to go if you resist) I m like a panther on your street And I like a church where no-one meets And I m on my way to steal some sheep Front doors open up for me They re like my slaves if they re deceived And I hate the place I have to go But I ll take some people with me though And I hate the faithful that say no To every bald lie that I ve told I hate the power that they hold And now I m going to devour the ones in my power Cause I singled you out (The devil is a roaring lion) And now I m going to devour the ones in my power Cause I singled you out (The devil is a roaring lion, in chapter 4 of James you'll find) (He s got to go if you resist)