A ten-minute comedy with music by Arthur M. Jolly

Transcription

1 MOBY (NO LAST NAME GIVEN) A ten-minute comedy with music by Arthur M. Jolly This script is for evaluation only. It may not be printed, photocopied or distributed digitally under any circumstances. Possession of this file does not grant the right to perform this play or any portion of it, or to use it for classroom study. info@youthplays.com

2 Moby (No Last Name Given) 2006 Arthur M. Jolly All rights reserved. ISBN Caution: This play is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, Canada, the British Commonwealth and all other countries of the copyright union and is subject to royalty for all performances including but not limited to professional, amateur, charity and classroom whether admission is charged or presented free of charge. Reservation of Rights: This play is the property of the author and all rights for its use are strictly reserved and must be licensed by his representative, YouthPLAYS. This prohibition of unauthorized professional and amateur stage presentations extends also to motion pictures, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video and the rights of adaptation or translation into non-english languages. Performance Licensing and Royalty Payments: Amateur and stock performance rights are administered exclusively by YouthPLAYS. No amateur, stock or educational theatre groups or individuals may perform this play without securing authorization and royalty arrangements in advance from YouthPLAYS. Required royalty fees for performing this play are available online at Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Required royalties must be paid each time this play is performed and may not be transferred to any other performance entity. All licensing requests and inquiries should be addressed to YouthPLAYS. Author Credit: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this play. The author's billing must appear directly below the title on a separate line with no other accompanying written matter. The name of the author(s) must be at least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s) and the name of the author(s) may not be abbreviated or otherwise altered from the form in which it appears in this Play. Publisher Attribution: All programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must include the following notice: Produced by special arrangement with YouthPLAYS ( Prohibition of Unauthorized Copying: Any unauthorized copying of this book or excerpts from this book, whether by photocopying, scanning, video recording or any other means, is strictly prohibited by law. This book may only be copied by licensed productions with the purchase of a photocopy license, or with explicit permission from YouthPLAYS. Trade Marks, Public Figures & Musical Works: This play may contain references to brand names or public figures. All references are intended only as parody or other legal means of expression. This play may also contain suggestions for the performance of a musical work (either in part or in whole). YouthPLAYS has not obtained performing rights of these works unless explicitly noted. The direction of such works is only a playwright's suggestion, and the play producer should obtain such permissions on their own. The website for the U.S. copyright office is

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4 CAST OF CHARACTERS ISHMAEL, female, a young girl going to sea for the first time. AHAB, male, an old crusty sea captain. STARBUCK, female, a sailor. QUEEQEG, female, a sailor. MOBY, male or female, a whale can be a single actor or formed by several actor/dancers. Other SAILORS and DANCERS can be added. The Pequod. SETTING Mostly. TIME NOTE The songs are from 18th century sea shanties, in the public domain. Recordings and music are available from the author, or easily found online.

5 PRODUCTION HISTORY Premiered August 4, 2006, at The Coop Theatre Company, Los Angeles, California. Directed by Danielle Ozymandias. Cast ISHMAEL: Christy Buccholz CAPTAIN AHAB: Scott Gerard STARBUCK: Silvia Spross QUEEQEG: Jeni Bartiromo MOBY: John Frank Musicians BODHRAN: Rachel Parsons LUTE GUITAR: Arthur M. Jolly

6 6 Arthur M. Jolly (A large anchor, a mast and a wooden barrel serve to suggest an 18th century sailing ship.) ISHMAEL: (To the audience:) Call me...ish. For short. All my friends do. Or Ishy. The Ishmeister. Isharino I'm casual. Some years ago, having little money in my purse or brains in my head I thought I would try my hand at sailing. It was too small and kept sinking, so I decided to try a boat instead. To this end, I enrolled myself aboard the Pequod, and set sail from Nantucket Harbor as a whaling lass. (CAPTAIN AHAB enters. Various sailors including STARBUCK and QUEEQEG enter. The sailors do nautical things in the background.) AHAB: Avast! Ish, ye say? ISHMAEL: Aye. You must be...captain Ahab? AHAB: 'Tis true, by the powers. ISHMAEL: But... But I heard you'd lost a leg. AHAB: Aye. Lost it to a white whale! ISHMAEL: But you haven't lost a leg. AHAB: It was chewed off and devoured by the most monstrous parmacetti that ever swam the seven seas. That be the beast I'm searching for! ISHMAEL: But you didn't lose a leg. AHAB: Yes, I did. ISHMAEL: I dislike to call you a liar, sir, but I clearly see you have two fine legs. AHAB: I used to have three. ISHMAEL: What?! AHAB: I was speaking metaphoric, like.

7 Moby (No Last Name Given) 7 ISHMAEL: Your third leg...you you were unmanned? AHAB: Aye! And rather uncomfortable it was, too. Since then, I've shunned the world of men, and hired a crew of women to search the seven seas for the great white whale Moby. ISHMAEL: You mean Moby D AHAB: Don't say it! I'll not hear that word spoken in me presence. ISHMAEL: Still a little sensitive about it? AHAB: I've dedicated my life to finding that beast and when I do, I'll plunge me harpoon into her blubber over and over again! ISHMAEL: Wow. That's quite an issue you've got there. Allegorical, almost. AHAB: Starbuck! Weigh the anchor! STARBUCK: (Heaving on the chain:) About six hundred pounds, Cap'n. AHAB: What an idiot. ISHMAEL: Starbuck? AHAB: The first mate of the Pequod. (To the audience:) That's actually where they got the name. ISHMAEL: They don't need to know that. AHAB: Arr, and she brews up a fine cup of...rum. (All the sailors cheer Huzzah! at the word "rum.") Avast me hearties! Haul sail! Cast off! Purl one, knit two together! We're puttin' to sea me buckos, and devil take the hindmost! ISHMAEL: So I have the job?

8 8 Arthur M. Jolly AHAB: Well art thou the lass to pitch a harpoon down a live whale's throat and then jump in after it? Answer quick! ISHMAEL: (Quickly:) No. AHAB: Oh. Well, can ye haul a hundredweight of blubber over the side of the ship as she pitches in rough seas? ISHMAEL: In rough seas? AHAB: Aye, the roughest! The waves round the horn will toss us to and fro, to and fro like a rubber duckie in the bathtub of an angry God. ISHMAEL: I think the only thing going over the side of the ship then would be my breakfast. AHAB: Let me see your hands... Oh! Ye have the soft hands of an actor or some such lily liver. ISHMAEL: The others didn't fit. AHAB: Ye've never lashed yerself to a mizzenmast in a howlin' nor'easter, I'll warrant. ISHMAEL: No, but I once got my head stuck in a bicycle frame. Two and a half days, they had to get the fire department to come and...never mind. AHAB: Then why did ye sign the ship's articles, lass? What sends ye whaling? ISHMAEL: It's just...i hate whales. I hate them. Those stupid, blubbery, floating around, self-indulgent smug-faced krilleating fat jerks with all their sycophantic hippie save-theplanet peacenik eco-terrorist Generation X-er groupies. Greenpeace? Get a job! AHAB: Spoken like a true Japanese scientific researcher. (To them all:) Haul yer lines, ladies and full speed ahead!

9 Moby (No Last Name Given) 9 (The sailors break into a song and dance number to the 18th c. sea shanty "The Shores of Peru.") SAILORS, ET AL: IT WAS EARLY ONE MORNIN' JUST AS THE SUN ROSE, A MAN ON THE FOREMAST CRIED OUT: THERE SHE BLOWS! ROW AWAY SAYS OUR CAPTAIN, AND WHERE DOES SHE LAY, THREE POINTS TO THE EAST'ARD, NOT A MILE AWAY. AND IT'S LOWER YOUR BOATS ME BOYS, AND AFTER HIM TRAVEL, STEER CLEAR OF HIS FLUKES OR HE'LL FLIP YOU TO THE DEVIL, LAY ON WITH THEM OARS BOYS, AND MAKE YOUR BOATS FLY THE ONE THING WE'RE DREAD OF, STEER CLEAR OF HIS EYE. HE RACED AND HE SOUNDED, HE TWIST AND HE SPIN, BUT WE GOT ALONGSIDE AND WE PUT A LANCE IN, WHICH CAUSED HIM TO VOMIT AND THE BLOOD FOR TO SPOUT, AND IN TEN MINUTES TIME ME BOYS, HE ROLLED BOTH FINS OUT. NOW WE'RE BOUND FOR OLD THOMAS, IN OUR MANLY BOWER, WHERE A MAN BUYS A BAWDHOUSE FOR A BARREL OF FLOUR, WE'LL SPEND ALL OUR MONEY ON THEM PRETTY GIRLS ASHORE, AND WHEN IT'S ALL GONE ME BOYS WE'LL GO WHALIN' FOR MORE. (The song ends with Starbuck at the mast.) STARBUCK: Thar she blows!

10 10 Arthur M. Jolly ISHMAEL: Gesundheit! QUEEQEG: 'Tis the great white whale, Cap'n! As white as a bedsheet! STARBUCK: So not very white then. QUEEQEG: What mean you by that? STARBUCK: I've seen your bedsheets. QUEEQEG: What dost thou want I be a simple sailor. STARBUCK: (To Ishmael:) Calls herself a sailor? She has Star Wars bedsheets! AHAB: 'Tis the white whale! 'Tis Moby herself! After her! (Everyone freezes in tableau. Ishmael steps forward.) ISHMAEL: (To the audience:) Her whole body formed a high arch, like...like a huge powdered donut getting dunked in blue coffee. STARBUCK: (Still in tableau:) Mmmm...coffee. AHAB: (Still in tableau:) Shhh. ISHMAEL: Slowly, waving her bannered flukes in the air, the grand god revealed herself, sounded and plunged out of sight. AHAB: (Still in tableau:) Who are ye talkin' to? ISHMAEL: For three days, we chased her. (The tableau unfreezes.) AHAB: After her! QUEEQEG: It is not too late even now, even the third day to desist. Moby seeks thee not, it is thou! Thou, that madly seekest her!

11 Moby (No Last Name Given) 11 AHAB: Forty years at sea, I have forsaken all comforts of man. I shall not turn aside now, when the hour of my reckoning be so close! Helm! Bring her about! Bring her two bouts! There she be! The White Whale! (A very theatrical white whale emerges, dancer/actors forming the body and tail. The figure in the front proudly carries a bottle of diet coke. Accompanied by dramatic lighting and music, the whale dances around, knocking over the mast, spinning the sailors aside. Center, the whale-head figure drops some Menthos into the bottle, causing a spectacular geyser.) Want to read the entire script? Order a perusal copy today!