ASK U. - The Kollel Institute

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1 I. Viduy - Confession 1. Rabbi Eliezer would say: Repent one day before your death. Asked his disciples: Does a man know on which day he will die? Said he to them: So being the case, he should repent today, for perhaps tomorrow he will die; hence, all his days are passed in a state of repentance. Indeed, so said Solomon in his wisdom (Ecclesiastes 9:8): ``At all times, your clothes should be white, and oil should not lack from your head Talmud, Shabbat 153a 2. In those days was Hezekiah mortally ill. And the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz came to him, and said to him, Thus said the L-rd, Set your house in order; for you shall die, and not live. Then he turned his face to the wall, and prayed to the L-rd, saying, I beseech you, O L-rd, remember now how I have walked before you in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in your sight. And Hezekiah wept bitterly. And it came to pass, before Isaiah was gone out to the middle court that the word of the L-rd came to him, saying, Turn back, and tell Hezekiah the prince of my people, Thus said the L-rd, the G-d of David your father, I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will heal you; on the third day you shall go up to the house of the L-rd. 2 Kings 20: If someone is close to death we say to them recite the confessional penitential prayer and we tell them Many people have confessed and did not die, and many who did not confess did die. [Hopefully] In the merit of your confession you will live. Also, any who confess have a share in the world to come. If he is unable to recite the confession, he should think it in his heart. If he does not know who to do the confession, we tell him to say May my death be an atonement for my sins. We do not say any of this before unlearned people or women or children who may cry (upon hearing it) so as not to demoralize him. Code of Jewish Law YD 338:1 4. The sick person recites: I admit before you L-rd my G-d and the G-d of my forefathers, that my healing and my death are in your hands. May it be your will that you heal me a complete healing, but if I should die, may my death be an atonement for all the sins, violations, and evil acts which I have [done] before you. May be portion be in the Garden of Eden, and allow me to merit the World to Come which is set aside for the righteous. If he wishes to recite the extended confessional prayers of Yom Kippur, he may. Code of Jewish Law YD 338:1 II. Goses - The Last stages 1. If a relative of a sick individual dies, we do not tell them as it may demoralize them significantly, we do not tear our garb, nor cry, nor eulogize the one who has passed in front of the sick person so as not to break his heart, and we stop anyone who tries to speak words of comfort (unwittingly). Code of Jewish Law YD 337:1 1

2 III. The Moment of Death 1. One recites the Justification of G-d s justice prayer ( Tzidduk HaDin) when the soul departs. When he recites the phrase true judge, the mourner tears (his garment) Code of Jewish Law 339:3 2. What blessing is said in the house of a mourner? R. Akiva says: Blessed be the true Judge. Talmud Berachos 46b 3. Once a person is about to die, one is not allowed to leave them so that his soul does depart when he is alone. Code of Jewish Law YD 339:4 4. Undoubtedly, the deceased receives pleasure from the presence of his family at the time when his soul departs, as he took pleasure in his friends and family in his lifetime. Maavar Yabok 5:27 5. [One lights a candle for the deceased out of respect] and for because through this and other things done for the deceased one arouses mercy for him. Maavar Yabok - Sefas Emes The deceased is placed upon the floor All of the clothes of the deceased are removed Gesher HaChaim 3:2: 1 & 3 7. Originally the custom was to leave the face of a rich person uncovered and to cover the face of a poor person because their face darkened in years of famine. This lead to the living poor being embarrassed so they instituted to cover the face of any deceased. Code of Jewish Law YD 353:3 8. The one who is guarding the body, even if it is not a relative, is exempt from reciting the Shema, prayer, and all other positive commandments of the Torah. Code of Jewish Law YD 341:6 Aninus - Initial Grief 1. The following are the relatives for whom a person is Biblically required to mourn: Mother, father, son, daughter, brother or sister from the same father. Rabbinically a man must mourn for his wife and a woman for her husband, as well as for a brother or sister through the mother. Maimonides Laws of Mourning 2:1 2. [A mourner whose deceased relative is not yet buried] is exempt from all positive commandments in the Torah. Even if he is not directly involved in the preparation for burial, for example, if others are taking care of it Some say that even if he wishes to be stringent and say blessings or respond amen to blessings he should not Code of Jewish Law YD 341:1 2

3 3. As long as the deceased is not buried, the mourner (Onen) does not remove his shoes (Ramo) Marital intimacy is certainly prohibited, and some say that he may not wash, use lotions, joyful behavior, greetings, haircuts, and work. However, he is permitted to leave his home. Code of Jewish Law YD 341:5 IV. Eulogy 1. R. Abbahu said: The dead man knows all that is said in his presence until the top-stone [golel] closes [the grave]. Talmud Shabbos 152b 2. R. Shesheth says: The merit of a funeral oration lies in raising the voice Talmud Berachos 6b 3. It is a great deed to eulogize a deceased person properly. The proper way to do this is to raise ones voice and to say things which break the heart in order to engender weeping and recall the praises of the deceased. However, one should not overdo the praises, but recall some of the good qualities of the deceased If the deceased did not have any good qualities, we do not recite any For righteous and wise person we recall their righteousness and wisdom. If one recites praises on one who had no good qualities or adds on beyond what is appropriately true about the deceased, he causes evil for himself and the deceased. Code of Jewish Law YD 344:1 V. The Funeral 1. Do not leave his corpse on the tree overnight, you shall certainly bury him that day. Deuteronomy 21:23 2. It is forbidden to leave a dead person unburied overnight unless it is for the honor of the deceased, [for example] to acquire a coffin and shrouds or to allow time for relatives to arrive Code of Jewish Law YD 357:1 3. If someone places the dead in a casket but does not bury him in the ground, this is considered a violation of leaving the body overnight. Code of Jewish Law YD 362:1 VI. Levaya Accompaniment 1. If he accompanies [the deceased], what is his reward? R Asi said: Of him scripture declares (Proverbs 19:17), He who accompanies G-d is gracious to the poor. Talmud Berachos 18a 3

4 2. One who is gracious to the poor is said to accompany G-d. No-one is poorer than the dead, and when one accompanies his it is as if he accompanies G-d. Rashi Ibid. 3. For the following actions one receives reward in this world and the principal remains intact for him in the world to come.escorting the dead Mishna Peah 1:1 (Morning services Blessing over the Torah) 4. If one sees a deceased person and does not escort him he has committed the act of taunting the poor ( Lo-Eg La-Rash ) Code of Jewish Law YD 361:3 VII. Burial 1. Some say that when they reach the cemetery with the deceased they pause every four amos prior to the burial, and we too have the custom to pause two or three times prior to reciting the Tzidduk HaDin Code of Jewish Law YD 358:3 (Ramo) 2. We place the deceased on their back facing upward like a person sleeping. Code of Jewish Law YD 362:2 3. The practice is that each of those present puts some earth on the grave Mourning in Halacha pg. 133 (citing Maavar Yabok 45) 4. Care is taken that the shovel or other digging tool used for this purpose is not passed from hand to hand. Instead, one man puts down and the next picks it up. Mourning in Halacha pg. 133 (citing Chochmas Adam 158:30) 5. The custom in france and Ashkenaz is to first say the Tzidduk HaDin and then say Kaddish. Tur YD They then brought up R. Hanina b. Teradion and asked him, Why have you occupied yourself with the Torah? He replied, Thus the L-rd my G-d commanded me. At once they sentenced him to be burnt, his wife to be slain, and his daughter to be consigned to a brothel As the three of them went out [from the tribunal] they declared their submission to [the Divine] righteous judgment. He quoted, The Rock, His work is perfect; for all his ways are justice. His wife continued: A G-d of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and right is He; and the daughter quoted: Great in counsel and mighty in work, whose eyes are open upon all the ways of the sons of men, to give everyone according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doing. Said Raba: How great were these righteous ones, in that the three Scriptural passages, expressing submission to Divine justice, readily occurred to them just at the appropriate time for the declaration of such submission. Talmud Avoda Zara 17b-18a 4

5 7. These days when we wear a designated garment of Tzitzis for the purpose of the mitzvah of tzitzit it is prohibited [to wear it in the cemetery] however this only applies if the tzitzit are exposed, if they are covered it is permitted. Code of Jewish Law YD 367:4 8. Mourning begins once the burial is complete by covering the grave with dirt. Code of Jewish Law YD 375:1 VIII. Keriah - Tearing the Clothes 1. So Jacob tore his clothes, and put sackcloth on his loins and mourned for his son many days. Genesis 37:34 2. And Job stood up and tore his coat Job 1:20 3. The king stood up and tore his clothes 2 Samuel 13:31 4. If a relative dies and it is one of the relatives for whom someone is required to mourn, he is required to tear (his garment) for the deceased. Code of Jewish Law YD 340:1 5. The location of the tear is at the area of the neck and in the front of the garment If he tore at the rear of the garment or at the sides, he has not fulfilled his requirement...the tear must be at least one Tefach (handsbreadth) in length. Code of Jewish Law YD 340:1 & 2 6. For most relatives one simply tears a handsbreadth of their outer garment and it suffices. For a parent however, one must tear all garments, even if there are ten, until his heart is revealed. Code of Jewish Law YD 340:9 7. One recites the Justification of G-d s justice prayer ( Tzidduk HaDin) when the soul departs. When he recites the phrase true judge, the mourner tears (his garment) Code of Jewish Law 339:3 IX. Mourning 1. Other Rabbis taught: Formerly the mourners used to stand still while the people passed by. But there were two families in Jerusalem who contended with one another, each maintaining, We shall pass first. So the Rabbis established the rule that the public should remain standing and the mourners pass by. Talmud Sanhedrin 19a 5

6 2. How does one comfort the mourner? Once the deceased is buried, the mourners gather and stand at the side of the cemetery. All those who are escorting stand around them, one line facing the other. Maimonides laws of mourning 13:1 X. Seudas HavRaah - The Meal of Condolence 1. A mourner may not eat of his own food at the first meal (following the funeral) It is a good deed incumbent upon his neighbors to provide from their food Code of Jewish Law 378:1 2 The initial foods (of this meal) are eggs and lentils as a reminder of the mourning. Code of Jewish Law 378:9 XI. Shiva - The Seven Days of Mourning 1.. And Joseph went up to bury his father; and with him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of his house, and all the elders of the land of Egypt...and there they mourned with a great and bitter lamentation; and he made a mourning for his father seven days. Genesis 50:7 & They sat with him upon the ground seven days Job 2:13 3. All seven days the soul goes from the house to the grave and from the grave to the house and mourns for the body, as it is written: His flesh shall suffer pain for him, and his soul shall mourn for it (Job 14:22). It goes to sit in the house, and when it sees everybody sad, it mourns too Zohar, Vayechi 4. The following are things which are prohibited for a mourner: work, washing, anointing, wearing (leather) shoes, marital intimacy, Torah study, greetings, and laundering all seven days. He is prohibited to press clothing, take a haircuts, acts of joy for thirty days. Code of Jewish Law YD 380:1 5. If he is dirty with mud or feces he may clean normally without concern. Code of Jewish Law YD 381:1 6. For all relatives one may take a haircut after thirty days. For a parent one waits until ones friends begin to protest.(ramo) The custom is to wait three months if there is a necessity for instance that his hair becomes burdensome or he interacts with non-jews who are repulsed by (his hair) he may take a haircut. Code of Jewish Law YD 390:4 6

7 7. Just as it is prohibited to cut ones hair for thirty days, it is also prohibited to cut ones nails with a tool, but with ones hands or teeth it is permitted. Code of Jewish Law YD 390:7 8 During the day the mourner sits upon the ground Code of Jewish Law YD 387:1 9. The comforters should not speak until the mourner speaks first. Code of Jewish Law YD 376:1 XII. The House of mourning: 1. In our place, the custom is to kindle a light on the floor every night throughout the Shiva in the place where the deceased was washed, in order to console the soul which returns and mourns throughout the seven days. Shibolei HaLeket Hilchos Semachos It is customary to cover the mirrors in the home of the mourner Mourning in Halacha pg. 179 (see footnote 8) 3. It is a good deed to pray the morning and evening prayers in the place where the deceased passed away. Code of Jewish Law YD 384:3 (Ramo) 4. The custom is to pray in the mourner s home even if the death did not occur there. Mourning in Halacha pg. 184 (citing Gesher HaChaim 20:3:3) 5. For the benefit of the soul of the deceasedm it is customary to study Mishna in the mourner s home throughout the Shiva. Mourning in Halacha pg. 184 (citing Gesher HaChaim 20:4:1) XIII. Departure of the Soul When a man s soul departs, all his relatives and friends in the World of Truth accompany his soul and show it the place of delight and the place of punishment. If he is righteous, he sees his place, and goes up to sit and take delight in the upper Eden of that world. If he is not righteous, the soul remains in this world, until the body is buried in the ground Zohar, Vayechi 7

8 Appendix Tzidduk HaDin The Rock! Perfect is His work, for all His paths are justice; a G-d of faith without iniquity, righteous and fair is He. The Rock! Perfect in every work. Who can say to Him, what have you done? He rules below and above, brings death and resuscitates, brings down to the grave and raises up. The Rock! Perfect in every deed. Who can say to Him, What do you do? O He who says and does, do undeserved kindness with us. In the merit of him [Isaac] who was bound like a lamb, hearken and act. O righteous one in all His ways, O Rock who is perfect slow to anger and full of mercy take pity and please spare parents and children, for yours, O master, are forgiveness and mercy. Righteous are you, G-d, to bring death and to resuscitate, for in Your hand is the safekeeping of all spirits. It would be sacrilegious for You to erase our memory. May your eyes mercifully take cognizance of us, for Yours, O master, are mercy and forgiveness. A man, whether he be a year old, or whether he lives a thousand years, what does it profit him? As if he has never been shall he be. Blessed is the true judge, who brings death and resuscitates. Blessed is He, for His judgment is true, He scans everything with His eye, and He recompenses man according to His account and His just sentence. All must give His name acknowledgment. We know, G-d, that Your judgment is righteous, You are righteous when You speak and pure when You judge: and there is no complaining about the attribute of Your judgment. Righteous are You, G-d, and Your judgments are fair. O true judge, judge of righteousness and truth. Blessed is the true judge, for all of His judgments are righteous and true. The soul of all the living is in your hand, righteousness fills your right hand and your power. Have mercy on the remnant of the sheep of your hand, and say to the angel [of death], Hold back your hand! Great in counsel and abundant in deed, Your eyes are open upon all the ways of the children of man, to give man according to his ways and according to the fruit of his deeds. To declare that G-d is just, my rock in whom there is no wrong. G-d gave and G-d took, blessed be the name of G-d. He, the merciful one, is forgiving of iniquity and does not destroy, frequently withdrawing His anger, not arousing His entire rage. 8

9 Kaddish HaGadol May His great name grow exalted and sanctified In the world which will be renewed, and where He will resuscitate the dead and raise them up to eternal life, and rebuild the city of Jerusalem and complete His Temple within it, and uproot alien worship from the earth, and return the service of heaven to its place and where the Holy One Blessed is He, will reign in His sovereignty and splendor, [Nusach Sephard: and cause His salvation to sprout, and bring near His Messiah], In your lifetimes and in your days, and in the lifetimes of the entire family of Israel, swiftly and soon. Now respond: Amen. May His great name be blessed forever and ever. Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, mighty, upraised, and lauded be the name of the Holy One, Blessed is He Beyond any blessing and song, praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now respond: Amen. May there be abundant peace from heaven and good life upon us and upon all Israel. Now respond: Amen. He who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace upon us, and upon all Israel. Now respond: Amen. El Malei Rachamim O G-d, full of mercy, who dwells on high, grant proper rest on the wings of the divine presence in the lofty levels of the holy and the pure ones who shine like the glow of the firmament for the soul of (deceased s Hebrew name) the [son/daughter] of (deceased s father s name) who went on to [his/her] world, because they will contribute to charity in remembrance of [his/her] soul. May [his/her] resting place be in the Garden of Eden therefore may the master of mercy shelter [him/her] in the shelter of His wings for eternity; and may He bind [his/her] soul in the bond of life. G-d is [his/her] heritage and may [he/she] repose in peace on [his/her] resting place. Now let us respond: Amen. 9