RISING TREND OF NONTRADITIONAL MARRIAGES IN PAKISTAN: CAUSES AND IMPLICATIONS

Transcription

1 RISING TREND OF NONTRADITIONAL MARRIAGES IN PAKISTAN: CAUSES AND IMPLICATIONS (Historical & Critical Review in the light of Islam) Dr. Arshad Munir, Dr. Naseem Akhter Department of Islamic Studies, Ghazi University, Dera Ghazi Khan, Pakistan Department of Islamic Studies, Shaheed Benazir Bhutto Women University, Peshawar, Pakistan ABSTRACT Islam considers human psyche and introduces the great Sunnah of Nikah or marriage to prevent them following prohibited ways to reproduce their race. This religion sets up the standards to the righteous and socially acceptable as well as respectable ways of living of two people (spouse) together peacefully to continue their life. Human beings have been given the right to start their practical lives (marriage) by their own choice of selecting spouse in Islam, only when they regard the circumstances permissible by the religion. However, studies shows that the practices which ignore the Islamic instructions and impose self-made customs such as forced marriage, exchange marriage, cousin marriage, give and take in suwarah/vani, court marriage, love marriage, eloped marriage etc are increasing day by day in Pakistani Community. In this article we discuss the causes and reasons of such marriages, and perceive them in the view of Islamic teachings to recognize and classify them to be right or wrong. Keyword: Islamic Marriage, Non-traditional Marriages, Love Marriage Introduction: The Arabic word Nikah (marriage) literally means the carnal conjunction of the union of the sexes and in law, this term means marriage. In Baillie's Digest marriage has been defined to be a contract for the purpose of legalizing sexual intercourse, and procreation of children. In Hedaya it is defined as: Marriage is a legal process by which the sexual intercourse and procreation and legitimation of children between man and woman is perfectly lawful and valid. According to Abdur Rahim the institution of marriage partakes both the character, i.e., ibadat, marriage under Muslim customs, though essentially civil contract is also devotional act. There is a consensus of Muslim Jurist that Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 25

2 marriage is Sunnat Muwakkida, i.e., who marries no sin and is rewarded in the next world. There are five objects of marriage narrated in Tarmizi, such as: 1. The restraint of sexual passion. 2. The ordering of domestic life. 3. The increase of the family. 4. The discipline of the soul in the care and responsibility for wife and children and 5. The upbringing of virtuous children. Mahmood, J., has observed that: Marriage according to Islamic Law is not a sacrament but a civil contract. All the rights and obligations it creates arise immediately and are not dependant on any condition precedent such as the payment of dower by a husband to wife. Ameer Ali also states that: Marriage under Muhammadan Law is essentially a civil contract. Its validity depends on proposal on one side and acceptance on the other. Sir Abdur Rahim observes that: The institution of marriage partakes both of the nature of ibadat, or devotional acts and dealing among men (Mulla: 1907). 2. The Period of Ignorance: When we see the history of ignorant Arab, it is explored that a woman was considered less than insects and was deprived of all the fundamental rights. Such as, there was no any concept to select/choice her life partner. All important decisions about her life, including marriage, were taken by her father and brother. The woman was a victim of mistreatment. She did not have courage to raise her voice for her right. When a woman was become widows, she was distributed like assets in inheritance. Allah says in the Quran: O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion (Al-Quran, 4:19). Further Allah says in the verse 23 of chapter, Al-Nisa, of the Holy Quran regarding the respect of relationship: Prohibited for you (in marriage) are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, the sisters of your fathers, the sisters of your mothers, the daughters of your brother, the daughters of your sister, your nursing mothers, the girls who nursed from the same woman as you, the mothers of your wives, the daughters of your wives with whom you have consummated the marriage, if the marriage has not been consummated, you may marry the daughter. Also prohibited for you are the women who were married to your genetic sons. Also, you shall not be married to two sisters at the same time, but do not break up existing marriages. Allah is Forgiver, the Most Merciful (Al-Quran, 4:23). Prior to Islam, in Arab society a stepson could have sexual relation with his stepmother without got married, after the death of his father. This is an immoral custom, which was followed in entire world. Allah granted respect to the relationship, mother : And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed. This surely is indecent and hateful; and it is an evil way (Al-Quran, 4:22). Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 26

3 The philosophers of early period had negative thoughts concerning the misery and unhappiness of women. Plato supposed and taught that an awful male s fate would be rebirth as a female (Plato: 1929). Aristotle had the view that women are mutilated men (Aristotle: 1943). In short, the woman's situation was very pitiable and she was treated in a tremendously sore way. It was The Holy Prophet s ﷺ social reforms that ceased such horrible immoral practices (Carmody:1988). 3. Matrimonial in the Days of Pre-Islamic Arabia History tells us, that there were many ills in the days of ignorance. For instance there were many methods of matrimony among which many were immoral and dishonorable. People used to buy & sale of the women. She was treated like a property or a slave. Her life was considered disgraceful, even she was no more than asset for a man. The pagan Arab was increasingly sinking in the swamp due to immorality. Each side was darkness of sin. We can see a narration of Ayesha (RA) about types of marriages in the days of ignorance (Al-Bukhari: 5127) and found four types of matrimony among the people. The first type is the one match to the Islamic way and is being practiced in present day. The other three types were very immoral. For instance, there was a type of marriage called as Al- Istibdaa in which the already husband would say to his spouse after menses to visit to so and so and have sexual relation with him. There would be no intercourse and sexual relation between spouses until pregnancy appeared from the visited man with whom she had sexual intercourse. she would come back to her legal husband after got conceive from visited man and now the legal husband would have the sexual intercourse with her if he wished. The rationale of this mission was bearing an intellectual and gorgeous baby. There was another form of marriage in which many people would have intercourse and sexual relations with a woman and she would allow every one came to her. Those were the prostitutes who used to fix flags at their gates as a mark that they are prostitutes. If a prostitute got pregnant and delivered a child, she would call all those men who used to visit her for intercourse and they would then call the Qaa'if (someone expert in recognizing the resemblance of the born baby to his father to them) to decide that who is the father of that born baby. No one would reject or even resist against the decision and She would let him adhere to him and be called his son. Sometime, she would call all of them and would say to them, "You (all) know what you have done, and now I have given birth to a child. So, it is your child O so-and-so!" Naming whoever she liked, and her child would be attributed to him and he could not deny him. This was a fact that the environment was not fruitful for a woman, but even then some cases were seen in early time period, where the woman was consulted to select or choose her life partner (groom). When Haris bin 'Awf expressed his desire regarding marriage in front of a father one of his three daughters, the two senior ones rejected his proposal, but the Buhaysa the youngest daughter accepted to 'Awf as a husband (Levy: 1957). Some more examples are present in history, such as a famous poetess Al-Khansa's father consulted his daughter regarding her marriage with Durayd bin al-simmah. In the same way, when Abu Sufiyan and Suhayl ibne Amr sent proposals of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 27

4 marriage for Hind Binte Utba, her father gave the right to select a husband among them, so she preferred Abu Sufiyan and got married him (Al-Hufi). 4. Nontraditional Marriages & Pakistani Society: Human being is the best creation of Almighty Allah. By nature, he is made social; therefore he likes to live together with other people in society where he faces a different sort of situation, such as financial, educational, social and especially marital problems etc. Our discussion is about the nontraditional weddings. There are many ways of marriages practiced in Pakistani society i.e. arranged marriage, exchanged marriage, forced marriage etc. Father or other close relatives are considered responsible in deciding the marriage of both man and woman in Pakistani Society. They may inquire the will of groom and bride but to get the permission is not mandatory for both groom and bride. Such types of marriages are called traditional way of marriage and are acceptable by the society. However, if someone shows his/her interest in someone other, or tells his/her liking, our society takes it as disrespect and even contempt. When a couple gets married without the consent of the elders or not adopts traditional ways, even the family doesn t give that couple a due place. They have to face a number of crises from the start and even social exclusion. Following are some famous ways of marriage practiced now a day that are considered nontraditional by our society. 4.1 Love Marriage: Although arranged marriage is still the custom and practiced generally in sub-content(mullatti:1995) and Love, liking and loving association before matrimony is not encouraged and the desire for a lovemarriage often encounters strong displeasure from parents(grover:2009), love marriage is becoming a frequent occurrence now a day, mostly in urban areas. The couple goes to interact to assess that whether their interests and natures match or not. They proceed to plan for the wedding, if the association is satisfying to both male and female. Society don not regard such type of marriage and that is why couple has to process the wedding ceremony either without close relatives or with limitations. 4.2 Eloped Marriage: Eloped marriage is a practice rising rapidly in Pakistani culture. When a girl leaves her house suddenly with her lover without the consent of her parents and gets married, it is called elopement and such way is named as eloped marriage. Generally the girl will elope during the night hours or sometimes straight from school or her workplace where her lover awaits, who then takes her to Court or to Nikah Khwan (Marriage registrar) for marriage certification. It usually occurs as a result of arranged marriage or in disobedience to parents' dislike of a favored suitor. Such type of action is considered extremely dishonor and disgrace for the whole family who sometime even kill the couple. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 28

5 4.3 Court Marriage: Court marriage, also known as registered marriage, is a legal way of solemnizing a relationship. It takes place across different countries as per the marriage laws and legal procedures of that country. Opting for a court marriage is a growing trend among the Pakistani community. (Paratham: 2011) It is usually considered a last choice for couples when they believe that their parents may not support of their plans to marry. Some People consider the court marriage as an opportunity because they can t afford to pay hundreds of thousands of rupees in marriage ceremony. However, this practice is also considered as incorrect and society sees this as an unethical and disreputable step. 5. Reasons behind such nontraditional marriages There can be several reasons and causes behind practicing and adopting nontraditional way to get married. However, following are most relevant reasons behind these marriages: Love and affection is a main reason to adopt such marriages Forcing the children to abide by customs and traditions Not taking care of the liking/disliking of the couple Positive and encouraging picture of such actions by the media Awareness about the Rights Poorness and feeling of deprivation results such type of steps Dreams of high expectations from each other 6. Marriage and Islamic Teachings: Islam is a complete and perfect religion which covers all areas of the life. The Islamic system of Nikah (marriage) is a social, legal and spiritual contract between two people (groom and bride), which has a very significant role in society. It is an act of Sunnah in Islam, due to which two families get closer. This is also a best Islamic procedure, to secure the lives of Muslims from sins and evil acts. Islam has reserved the right for a bride and a groom to choose her/ his life partner with own free wills. The Holy Prophet Mohammad (ﷺ) said that order must be obtained from the widow and the divorced lady for her marriage, and permission should be obtained from the virgin girl for her marriage (Al-Bukhari:5136). In the same way, the Holy Prophet,(ﷺ) prohibits forcing a virgin in marriage without her permission, whether it be her father or someone else. Furthermore, Ayesha (May Allah Be Pleased with her) says that she asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) In the case of a young girl whose parents marry her, should her permission be sought or not? He replied, Yes, she must give her permission. She then said, But a virgin will be shy, O Allah's Messenger. He answered: Her silence is [considered as] her permission (Al-Muslim: 3306). And Abu Hurayrah (May Allah Be Pleased with him) states, the messenger of Allah advised to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 29

6 people that The orphan girl's permission should be sought regarding proposals of marriage to her, her silence being as her acceptance, but if she refuses, it is not permissible to marry her (Muhammad:2008). Moreover, It is narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RA) that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: No previouslymarried woman should be married off without being consulted, and no virgin should be married off without asking her consent. They said: O Messenger of Allah, what is her consent? He said: If she remains silent (Al-Muslim: 4843). likewise Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Holy Prophet (ﷺ) directed that if a female who is already a divorced or a widow, wants to get married, her right of free consent and free choice is superior then the right of her guardian. If she has not previously been married and this is her first marriage, even then her parents or other guardians cannot enforce their will on her. They are not allowed to force her to marry any one against her free choice and free consent (Al-Muslim: 3308). Similarly, Abu Hurayrah (RA) narrated that The Prophet (ﷺ) said that we should consult from an orphan virgin girl about herself. If she remains silent, it means she has no objection and is agree on the proposal, but if she refuses, the power of the guardian cannot be exercised against her will (Abu Dawud: 2088). Furthermore, Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that a virgin came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and stated that her father had married her against her will. The Prophet (ﷺ) permitted her to use her option (Abu Dawud: 2091). It was narrated by Khansa Bint-e-Hizam Al- Ansariyah (May Allah be pleased with her) that her father married her off to someone compellingly whom she did not like. She visited the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and presented her case. Upon listening to her; the Holy Prophet (ﷺ) rejected the marriage and declared the marriage as void (Al-Bukhari: 1422). Once a girl came to Bibi Ayesha (RA) and told that her father married her with his nephew while she disliked that person. Hadrat Ayesha (May Allah be pleased with her) asked her that she should wait for the Holy Prophet.(ﷺ) When Hadrat Muhammad (ﷺ) came, she told him about her case. Hazrat (ﷺ) Muhammad permitted her to decide the fate of her marriage. The girl responded that she upheld the decision of her father, but she only wanted to see that fathers have fewer powers in marrying their daughters ( Al-Nassai: 2004). The Holy Prophet (ﷺ) told to the youth: O class of youth, who of you have potential (to carry the burden) of marriage, he should marry (Al-Bukhari: 1961) Anas Ibn Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) states: that one of the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: I will not marry. Another of them said: I will pray and I will not sleep. Another said: I will fast and I will not break my fast. When the Prophet (ﷺ) was informed of this, he said What is wrong with people that they say such and such? But I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep and I marry women. So whoever rejects my Sunnah is not from me (Al-Muslim: 1401). Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 30

7 This is cleared that the marriage is a Sunnah of the Holy Prophet.(ﷺ) Therefore, we should follow the command of Muhammad (ﷺ) regarding the marriage, and should make our lives pleasant. This legal way can save our lives from sins and evil acts. And If we find a pious and a good wife and obedient children, then our life become like a paradise, in fact, it is a great blessing of Allah. Such as: Allah says in the Holy Quran: And those who say, Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example of the righteous. Those will be awarded the chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace. Abiding eternally therein. Allah is the settlement and residence (Al-Quran: 25). Further Allah says in the verse 32 of chapter, Al-Noor of the Holy Quran: And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-encompassing and Knowing (Al- Quran: 24). Islam has granted the freedom to both man and woman to select/choose his/ her life partner. The Holy Prophet (ﷺ) says to people: When one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so. (Abu Dawud: 2088). It is explained in the above mentioned hadith that no compulsion or force in Islam. Man and woman are free in selecting his/her life partner. However, one thing is very important to understand in this hadith that a man and a woman can look at each other at that time, when they must have the willingness to get married, whereas in the other hand, is not allowed in Islam. Marriage is one of the Islamic practices, therefore Islam encourages the Muslims to get married and recommends marriage as a part of their Emaan (faith). Because it protects one from sins, and is a way of increasing offspring and wealth by the blessing of Allah. And the other hand acceptance and satisfaction are essential for this contract by the groom and the bride. It is a requirement for a lovely and good relationship with this association. A Guardian should consult his daughters or sisters about their choice before engaging in the tide of a marriage. When a spouse (groom and bride) will take decisions regarding their marriage by heart and happiness, then life will be troubles, joyful and easy. And if the decision will be taken in the environment of compulsion and coercion, then the result will be not good and the breaches will certainly be produced in this association and it will be finished very easily. 7. Conclusion In present society, we are facing many problems regarding marriages. It will be true to say that we have created these problems ourselves. If we analyze ourselves, it is cleared that we have forgotten the teachings of Islam. We have totally involved in worldly things, due to which we are ignoring our children and their wishes. As muslin we should spend our lives according to Islamic teachings. Marriage is a serious and sensitive issue of our society; therefore Islam gives right to man and woman to choose or select his/her life partner. Islam gives the right to select the life partner, and also provides complete guidance for this aspect. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) says: A man marries a woman for four reasons, for her wealth, for her beauty, for her Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 31

8 family status and for her religious status, so you should prefer the last one (religious status) (Al- Bukhari: 1909). Every Muslim has free choice to select the life partner, with whom he/she can live happily according to the rules of Islam. Usually people select their spouses, because of some reasons, such as wealth, caste, rank and beauty, etc., and some people prefer the beauty of a woman. But according to Islam, the virtue (Taqwa) is better from these four conditions. Therefore, they should prefer the virtue (Taqwa) in selection of their life partners. Human beings are advised in the chapter 04 of the Holy Quran as follows: And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice (Al-Quran: 4). Allah says in the Holy Quran: They are Leebas (i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her), for you and you are the same the same for them (Al-Quran: 2). This relation is a strong and beautiful relation for spouse, due to which two persons come to near and enjoy to live each other. If we talk about Islam, it is cleared that man and woman have been given equal right in the teachings of Islam. But unfortunately, in our society, most decisions are taken by parents or guardian regarding the marriage. This is a good thing and manner of moral character, which shows the obedience of youngsters. And in the other word, it is a sign of good training, which is given by their elders or guardians to their children in the initial stage of their life. The spouse (groom and bride) is the real persons of this contract, therefore should be given the priority to their choice. Acknowledgement This paper is under scholarship of the Higher Education Commission of Pakistan. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Organized by 32

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