The Duty of Children Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first

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1 The Duty of Children Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Intro: As parents we have the responsibility to be teaching our children several things. First, we ought to teach them what God says is required. Paul says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." (V.1a) The first lesson in the school of life every child must be taught by his parents is the lesson of obedience. If you are a young parent you have a lot of pressure in this area. Children will not tend to obey, they must be trained to obey. The Bible says in Ps. 58:3 in the New Living Translation, "...wicked people are born sinners; even from birth they have lied and gone their own way." It is obvious you don't have to teach a child to disobey; he is born with that tendency in his heart; you have to teach him to obey. Why do you think Prov. 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go." The reason is simple. If you don't train up a child in the way he should go, he will naturally go in the way he shouldn't go. Children must understand from the time that they are born that obedience is not an option, it is an obligation. Quite frankly, if you will teach your child to obey you, he may not always like you, but I learned a long time ago that although I desire my kids to like me, my main concern is that my kids respect me. But notice it is not just for the sake of the parents that children are to obey, it is for God's sake. He said, "Children obey your parents in the Lord." Now what does that mean? Col. 3:20 is a parallel passage where Paul says, "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord." When you think about it, that's the real motivation for all obedience to please the Lord. I have found that I can approach most people and have a normal conversation about life and how to live in a way that honors God. However: if I tried to talked about raising children the response is very different. Very few people actually want to be told how to raise their children. Having said that I want 1

2 to add I don t think anyone should try to address this topic if they have no children of their own. As a corollary, I am convinced that no wise man will give advice even then until his own children have grown up and turned out well. Unfortunately, a preacher cannot teach the sixth chapter of Ephesians without dealing with the relations of parents to children and children to parents, since Paul introduces the subject. And a pastor who is concerned for his people will not want to ignore relationships simply because they are troublesome. We can handle one or two problems. But the home is beset by so many problems today that success at being good parents seems to be getting away from us. Norman Corwin wrote in an article for Reader s Digest entitled Perfect Home : One child makes a home a course in liberal education for both himself and parents; two children make it a private school; three or more make it a campus. But many parents today are not sure that they are up to being professors in this university, and even then they are unsure of what should be offered in the curriculum. I. God s Revelation to Children 1. Paul introduces the subject with the duty of children toward their parents. It is another example of submission by Christians to Christians, going back to his statement in Eph 5:21: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 2. He began with wives submitting to husbands. Here he deals with children submitting to parents, and later he will address slaves and masters. 3. But before we deal directly with Paul s teaching on children, it is worth noting that nothing in all history has done so much for the elevation and development of children as Christianity. 4. Christianity has also produced dramatic changes in the lives of women. But that change, great as it was, is overshadowed by the improvement in the status of children. 5. William Barclay, notes correctly that under the Roman law of patria potestas ( the father s power ), A Roman father had absolute power over his family. 6. He could sell them as slaves; he could make them work in his fields, even in chains; he could take the law into his own hands, for law was in his own hands, and he could punish as he liked; he could even inflict the death penalty on his child. 7. Further, the power of the Roman father extended over the child s whole life, so long as the father lived. A Roman son never came of age. 8. There was also the matter of child rejection, leading to exposure of the newborn. When a baby was born it was placed before its father. If the father stooped and lifted the 2

3 child, the child was accepted and was raised as his. If he turned away, the child was rejected and was literally discarded. Such rejected children were either left to die, or they were picked up by those who trafficked in infants. 9. What a difference Jesus makes in our lives. Try to imagine living under Roman Law! II. Children s Responsibility to Parents 1. In writing to families, Paul begins with children because of his purpose in providing examples of submission. As he develops this duty, the apostle stresses two matters. A. Obedience. 1. Obedience is the fundamental relationship of children to parents. Ir is not an absolute obedience (as, for example, if a parent should command a child to do a wicked or un-christian thing), and it ought always to be obedience rendered in the context of a loving parent-child relationship. Nevertheless, it is a true obedience, guided, but not abolished, by love. 2. What Paul has in mind as he speaks of the obligation of a child to obey his or her parents is natural law, that is, the law of relationships written upon the human conscience by God apart from special revelation. Children are to obey, for this is right. 3. This is not confined to Christian ethics. It is recognized and taught by all the world s cultures, both ancient and contemporary. Children owe obedience to parents. It is true that this duty has often been greatly distorted and abused, in Christian as well as in non-christian circles, but it is an abiding obligation nonetheless. 4. The obligation is not merely on the side of the child, who must obey, but also on the side of the parent, who must enforce the obedience. 5. This is because the parent stands as God in relationship to the child. To teach the child to obey the parent is to teach the child to obey God. 6.To allow the child to defy and disobey the parent is to teach the child to defy and disobey God with all the obvious consequences. In his discussion of this point John R. W. Stott points out that in the traditional Christian handling of the Ten Commandments the rule Honor your father and your mother (Ex 20:12), the fifth of the ten, is placed in the second table of the law which deals with human relationships, while in the Jewish handling of the Ten Commandments it is placed in the first table, which deals with our relationship to God. 3

4 Stott argues that this, rather than the Christian division, is surely right. It is because obedience to parents is part of our relationship to God and because disobedience to parents is at heart a spiritual rebellion. Stott points out that this is why under Jewish law the most extreme penalty, death, was proscribed for anyone who cursed his or her parents or was incorrigible in relationship to them (cf. Lev 20:9; Deut 21:18-21). B. Honor. 1. The second duty Paul imposes on children in relationship to parents is honor, a duty which, he is careful to show, is based on divine revelation and not merely on natural law. 2. Actually, it is the fifth of the Ten Commandments: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you (Ex 20:12). 3. That is a difficult area, of course, for not all parents live in such a way that their children can properly honor them, especially if the child has become a Christian and the parents are not Christians. 4. What is a child to do, for example, if his or her father is an irresponsible alcoholic or profligate or if the mother is immoral, undisciplined, and excessively worldly? Can a child properly honor such a parent? Should he? 5. To link this duty to the preceding, should a child obey the commands of such non-christian parents? 6. The answer is that a child, while he is a child, owes obedience to a parent in all areas except those that contradict the revealed law of God. In this, the child s position is the same as that of a Christian wife in relationship to a non-christian husband or a Christian citizen who finds himself in conflict with an anti-christian government. 7. The principle is: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor (Rom 13:7). All owe obedience and respect to those over them, but not at the expense of the obedience we owe to God. Stott suggests, to give an example, that if a non-christian parent forbids a Christian child to be baptized, this is a matter in which the child can justly obey the parent. For although Jesus commanded baptism, he did not specify precisely when it was to be done, and it is possible to postpone baptism to a later time. On the other hand, if the parent should command the child not to worship and follow the Lord Jesus Christ in his or her heart, 4

5 this the child could not obey. For to abandon following after Christ would be to abandon Christianity. If you are having difficulty in this regard, I suggest that you study your parents and pick out those areas in which you can properly honor them. Let me encourage you to do this, as Paul encourages children in this paragraph. I notice three inducements. First, obedience and honor are right relationships; they are grounded in natural law. Second, they are a Christian duty; they are to be exercised in the Lord and are part of the Ten Commandments. Third, they are enforced by a promise, namely, that it will go well with those who practice them and they will enjoy long life on the earth. This last promise is not a blanket assurance that every individual who honors his or her parents will live longer than every individual who does not. But it is a general promise that God s material and physical blessing rests on those who work at being Christians in these relationships. III. Parents Responsibility to Children 1. It should be obvious from what I have already said that the duty placed upon children involves a correspondingly great responsibility for their parents, which is what Paul turns to next. 2. For if children are to obey their parents, parents must give them proper directions to obey. And if they are to honor their parents, their parents must be worthy of that honor. 3. It is important that Paul gives instructions to fathers specifically. This does not exclude mothers, of course. 4. Paul is speaking of parents (both fathers and mothers ) in the first three verses. For this reason the Good News Bible actually translates fathers (pateres) as parents in verse 4. Nevertheless, it is significant, that Paul addresses fathers specifically for the simple reason that the responsibility for managing a home and raising children is primarily theirs. 5. They are not responsible entirely for what their children become, for a part of what children become is their own responsibility. But fathers are responsible for treating them in a non-exasperating way and for bringing them up in the instruction of the Lord. 6. Paul s words to fathers have two parts, one negative and the other positive. The negative part involves restraint. 5

6 Fathers are not to exasperate their children but are rather to exercise their authority as fathers in a balanced way. In the parallel passage in Colossians Paul tells fathers, Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged (Col 3:21). That is, although there is a proper and necessary place for discipline, that discipline must nevertheless never be arbitrary (for children have a built-in sense of justice) or unkind. Otherwise, they will become discouraged. Conversely, almost nothing causes a child s personality to blossom and gifts to develop like the positive encouragement of loving, understanding parents. Barclay tells of the testimony of the distinguished painter Benjamin West in this respect. He was young, and one day his mother went out, leaving him in charge of his younger sister Sally. In his sister s absence he discovered some bottles of colored ink and decided to paint his sister s portrait. He made an awful mess. But when his mother came back she said nothing about the terrible ink stains. Instead she picked up the piece of paper on which he had been working and exclaimed, Why, it s Sally! Then she stooped and kissed him. Benjamin West used to say, My mother s kiss made me a painter. Martin Luther said, Spare the rod and spoil the child -that is true. But beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he has done well. 7. On the positive side Paul speaks to fathers about training, saying, instead, bring them [your children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord. How are fathers to do this unless they know what the Word of God teaches? 8. How are they to teach with wisdom unless they have themselves learned in Christ s school? Obviously fathers will fail at this great task unless they are themselves growing with God. 9. They must be studying the Bible. They must be seeking to live by it and practice it in their own daily lives. Parents (and especially fathers) must be models. 10. Howard Hendricks says, Children are not looking for perfect parents; but they are looking for honest parents. An honest, progressing parent is a highly infectious person. 11. Yet I must say a word on the matter of the child s own responsibility. Children are their own people, and they have their own set of responsibilities both before God and others. 12. Consequently, although they may be taught wisely and raised morally and that instruction be supported by parental example, they nevertheless sometimes do go astray, and that is not necessarily the parents fault. 13. The first example of child-rearing in the Bible should teach us that. We know that Adam and Eve were a sinful man and woman after the Fall, as we all are. But they were undoubtedly model parents nonetheless. 6

7 14. They were highly intelligent and knew God intimately. Moreover, they are numbered in the godly line of the age before the Flood, the line which contained such outstanding spiritual giants as Enoch, Methuselah, and Noah. There is no question but that they raised their children to know and honor God. 15. Yet in spite of this their first child, Cain, turned out to be a murderer. Why? The Bible says it was the result of the out workings of his own sinful heart. 16. So I say to parents: If your child has abandoned the Lord and is living a worldly life, it is not necessarily your fault. It may be, but not necessarily. Do not abandon hope. God has called many such children back to Himself. 17. Your duty is to continue to live as Christians and pray for your child regularly. The Bible says, The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective (James 5:16). 18. On the other side, I want to say a word to children who have not had godly parents. The fact that your parents did not teach you about the Lord or lead a consistently godly life is unfortunate for them and a handicap for you, but it is not an excuse for your failing to be what God would have you be as his followers. 19. I spoke of Cain, an ungodly son of godly parents. But when I think of Cain I inevitably also think of Joseph, who is a great contrast. Joseph s father was not particularly spiritual, and he was raised in a family environment that was not conducive to any high standards of behavior. His brothers were spiteful, profligate, and violent. Joseph was carried away to Egypt. He had no outward spiritual support. Yet he had determined in his youth to follow God, and he did it even through adversity. He was never turned aside by outward circumstances. Conclusion: Sometimes those who are properly raised go astray, and sometimes those who are spiritually disadvantaged are models of Christian life and character. But these are exceptions, and the normal pattern is the communication of faith from generation to generation within the context of a genuinely Christian home. It is hard for children to learn to obey their parents. It is hard for parents to bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. But difficult is not impossible, and by the grace of God Christian parents and children have been managing just those difficulties for centuries. They can manage it in our own time too. Howard Hendricks s book, is called Heaven Help the Home! Heaven (that is, God) helps the home! God is in the business of building homes, and he is on our side if we are truly trying to obey him and follow his directions. 7

8 The world is against us. The world wants destroy anything that honors God. It will try to destroy our families. It will try to get us to give up and give in, don t do it. Stand tall and strong in the Lord and He will direct your paths. We can live as Jesus tells us to live, and God can and will bless our homes. 8