8. SELF HATRED Working paper adapted by Henri Lemay, 27 August 2010

Transcription

1 8. SELF HATRED Working paper adapted by Henri Lemay, 27 August 2010 INTRODUCTION 162 When a strong man, fully armed, guards his castle, his property is safe. But when one stronger than he attacks him and overpowers him, he takes away his armour in which he trusted and divides his plunder. Lk 11:21,22 The strong man is a leader of demons, a Principality. His castle is a human being in whom he lives and whom he controls. His property is the sicknesses, disorders, and enslavements of the human being in his captivity. Fully armed is his armour, composed of demons subordinate to him who protect his position of dominance. They are ranked from lowest (weakest) to highest (strongest). First, there is unforgiveness of self, then self-resentment, then revenge against self, then anger with self, then self-hatred, followed by violence against oneself, and, ultimately, suicide. The one stronger than he is Jesus. Because Jesus gave us His Name as inheritance, that is to say His power and authority given to us by proxy, we also are stronger than the strong man. The disciple of Jesus removes the strong man s armour, i.e., the Principality of self-hatred, one demon at a time, before expelling the strong man and taking his property sicknesses, disorders, and enslavements from his castle the human being held captive by self-hatred. I. THE PROBLEM Too often, someone in authority (a parent, a teacher, a preacher, a priest) taught us that we were nothing, depraved, guilty, stupid, ugly, a piece of trash...he told us that we never would be as good as so and so. And we believed him. What causes a human being to have self-hatred, to have bitterness 163 against himself, to despise himself, to hate himself? It happens because Satan speaks accusations and lies over an individual and he believes them. Thus, he becomes bitter 164 against himself. When Satan entered the world through Adam, a second nature, that of sin, was added to the original nature of man given by God. These two opposing natures conflict with each other. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me...i do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do...i delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Rm 7:15,17,19,22,23 II. SPIRITS OF SELF-HATRED Here is my portrait if I became the target of the spirits of selfhatred. A demon clings to me and attacks me, trying to make me feel rejected by myself, filthy, and unworthy. He tells me that I m not up to measure. I am nothing. A spirit of selfhatred makes me sick to my stomach at the sound of my own voice and the ideas that I express. Everything I say is so stupid! When I look in the mirror, the spirit of self-hatred draws my attention to my wrinkles, my sunken eyes, baggy and tired, and says, You don t even deserve the consolation prize. You re so ugly! When observing others, I convince myself that they despise me because a spirit of self-hatred told me that I can see it in their eyes. I never make the grade. Not even God could love me. I do not like myself. Why was I born? My eyes focus on all the negative that I see in myself and what I hear from others that devalues me as a person. I often replay old memories in my mind. Why did my sister say that about my children? Why does John point out so often that I did not get a postsecondary education? I like to go bowling, but this fool Henry will mock me again. These spirits of self-hatred keep up their assaults until I reject myself. If I entertain such negative thoughts, it is because a spirit of self-hatred has taken up residence in me. He needs me as his mouthpiece. He wants to use me as a puppet he manipulates. This spirit of self-hatred uses his armour to keep me from discovering who I really am. He uses these weapons: selfpity, self-destruction, self-rejection, self-hatred, competition, pride or vanity, and false piety. He feeds himself on the word I : I want, self-adulation, attention, ( Did you see what I did? ), excessive talkativeness, insecurity, self-mutilation, bulimia, perfectionism, selfpunishment. The spirit of self-hatred leads me to be defensive, to be insecure, to disbelieve, to be bitter toward myself, to feel resentment against myself, to refuse to forgive myself, to punish myself, to be angry with myself, to commit violence against myself, and ultimately, to suicide. In this spiritual warfare, I have to decide which law will rule my life: God s law or the law of the kingdom-of-me controlled by Satan. The kingdom-of-me or the spirit of selfhatred is the Principality of self-hatred that protects itself with a powerful armour made of many demons. Belittling oneself: self-abasement, self-humiliation. Self-abandonment: ignoring any self-interest. 162 Adapted in a different order from Art Matthias, Biblical Foundations of Freedom, 2009, p ; Wellspring School of Ministry: How to Minister Workbook, 2008; In His Own Image, Bitterness: n. 1. A feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will, (WordWeb). 164 Bitter: adj. 3. Harsh or corrosive in tone. 5. Proceeding from or exhibiting great hostility or animosity. (WordWeb).! 63

2 Egocentrism: focusing on self to the exclusion of others. Self-destruction: obesity or anorexia; sleep deprivation or too much sleep; lack of exercise or pushing oneself to the extreme; denial of any normal sexuality or a preoccupation with sex. Self-condemnation: always finding a self-criticism to repeat. III. COMPETITION AND COMPARING ONESELF TO OTHERS When you are obsessed with competition, be aware that a demon of self-hatred is at work. You will not feel complete unless you win. You worry about your identity when you compare yourself to others rather than being satisfied to know that you are precious in the eyes of God, which should be enough for you. You have to accept who you are in Christ, and not compare yourself to others. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. Lk 9:24 There is no benefit for you to seek to artificially boost your value by your own strength, from your plan, because in doing so, you lose your life. Competition is rooted in personal pride, which is just another layer of satanic armour. This is the practice of placing myself on the throne of my life to become the focus of all that matters: me, me, me. This is a bad piece of armour. To become great in the Kingdom of God, you must stop being the pinnacle of everything in your world. Among you this is not to happen. No; anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant, and anyone who wants to be first among you must be your slave, just as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mt 20:26 28 NJB Competition and comparison with others prevent us from accepting ourselves as we are and leave us unsatisfied. Truly, it shows our lack of trust in God. Competition and comparison with others always produce bitterness against yourself or others. The demon of self-hatred wants to steal your peace. This demon re-interprets the parable of the five talents. See Mt 25:15 He says, I am nothing if I do not get the five or at least the two talents. I keep getting cheated and I end up with only one or none. Self-pity just appeared on the scene. In fact, God has given us all the talents (and more) to accomplish the mission that He has entrusted to us. The spirit of self-hatred attacks you to keep you from using the talents and charisms that God has given you. Pride is a form of self-hatred because of its disastrous fruits in a life. In some, it is arrogance that prevents them from submitting to legitimate authority, even that of God. In others, it is insolence that compels them to deny blame for their own mistakes. In others, it is pride that keeps them from repenting. Pride is the ultimate expression of Satan, who believed he was equal to God. In others, it is vanity that compels them to believe they are superior to others. In still others, it is false modesty 165 that drives someone to say, Oh, it s nothing, I am nothing, rather than just saying thank you, or to hide or run away rather than receive welldeserved praise. To be released from a demon of self-hatred, we must know how to really watch others and realise that those who have rejected or wounded us have serious problems. It is the ability to separate the sinner from his sin that allows us to have compassion and to forgive. To do this, we need to look deep within ourselves to distinguish what we are from what we are not. We must see the nature that God has given us to not act against God s nature within us. At that moment of realisation, the devil will no longer have a hold on us. It is the nature of a demon to want to exalt himself. A demon of self-hatred will always seek to exalt himself. Too many Christians are working to establish their own kingdom in their ministry. They do so from their own strengths rather than from those of God. In their quest for power, they hide their arrogance and superiority: I am the only one who knows how. Satan has never repented, nor have his fallen angels, the demons. They are still arrogant and jealous of God. The key is repentance. When Nathan confronted David with his sins of adultery and murder, David humbled himself before God and asked for forgiveness. (See Ps 51) Choosing to live humbly with a contrite heart while acknowledging our errors and defects distinguish us from children of the devil. Choosing to do good separates the children of light from the children of darkness. IV. CHARACTERISTICS OF A SPIRIT OF SELF HATRED Do not make room for the devil. Ep 4:27 The devil protects his place in my life with his armour. The Principality of bitterness protects himself with the armour of unforgiveness, resentment, vengeance, anger, hatred, violence, and murder. The Principality of self-hatred is protected by all these demons and other Principalities. Here are some elements of the armour of the Principality of self-hatred. In this way, it maintains control over its victim. How do we rid ourselves of this Principality? We must identify the property belonging to the devil and get started at dislodging it. To undo a knot, sometimes you concentrate on one string at a time, and sometimes one strike from an axe solves the problem. Self-pity Self-pity is the most dangerous spirit of selfhatred because he binds us to the demons of the past. These ties block God s provisions for us by attaching to us the harm others have done to us in the past or the evil that we have done to ourselves. Self-pity says that no one understands us, and even if someone understands us, they don t care. After all, we say to ourselves, if I mattered to him, he would love me more and give me more attention. He would call me every day, he would come to see me, he would want to do things with me. Because of self-pity, when someone bothers to visit me, I tell him to go away. I complain that nobody likes me and I prove 165 Modesty: n. 1. The state or quality of being modest. 2. Reserve or propriety in speech, dress, or behavior. 3. Lack of pretentiousness; simplicity. (The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, 2000).! 64

3 it with lots of examples. The visit becomes an irritation. So, I ask him to leave. Or, after the visit, he promises himself never to return. After his visit, I rail against him accusing him of insensitivity to my needs. Self-pity is like a dirty diaper. At first, we love its warmth, but eventually, it becomes cold and smelly. Self-pity creates a vicious circle. I need to be loved. So, I use my manipulative techniques to get me someone s attention. Having obtained it, I offend him just enough to make him leave me alone, which increases my self-pity. And the cycle repeats itself. Self-pity is very dangerous because it binds my freedom to a life sentence. Attention Seeking The person inhabited by a demon of self-hatred often craves attention. The bully often harbours both a spirit of self-hatred and a spirit of rejection. He compensates for his shortcomings with bragging, bravado, and threats. Thus, he thinks, by attracting people s attention, they will not notice his spiritual deficiencies. Excessive talkativeness is another piece of armour Satan uses to hide the strong man of self-hatred. The person may always have something to say; he talks non-stop but doesn t say anything important. Such a person struggles with deep feelings of insecurity. Insecurity and Fear Insecurity is a form of fear: fear of man, failure, rejection, abandonment. The Principality of selfhatred often joins the Principalities of fear and rejection. Their union makes them a formidable opponent. The power of God is stronger. Perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18 I overcome fear with perfect love. It starts when I get the perfect love of God. I then learn to love myself and to love others. Fear cannot stand before my love of God, of myself, and of my neighbour. To conquer fear, I must face it by loving myself and by acting against the armour of the spirit of selfhatred. I must understand that fear 166 is unbelief and therefore a sin against God. Comparing Oneself to Others A demon of self-hatred often leads us to compare ourselves to others. We compare our success to others, making our neighbour into an idol, a false god. The behaviour, appearance, or lifestyle of the other person becomes the standard to which I aspire. This kind of idolatry often leads to resentment and contempt of the idol. Rather, the Lord calls us to conform to his image and to imitate Jesus. Idolatry and Perfectionism Idolatry serves as armour to the Principality of self-hatred. However, it leads to perfectionism, another piece of armour. Because the perfectionist does not tolerate failure, which comes sooner or later in everyone s life, there is no way to avoid selfblame and self-condemnation. The parable of the talents teaches us not to compare ourselves with each other. The master put the same responsibility on the shoulders of the one who received five talents as on the servant who received one. The number of talents received does not change our value in God s eyes. The love of one s own comfort can lead to kleptomania. Self-hatred is at the root of never denying oneself anything. A shoplifter is satisfying a need to steal. The kleptomaniac longs to be found out. He does not need what he stole. He has a pathological impulse that drives him to steal. When he is caught, he draws attention to himself. However, this kind of negative attention only brings him more guilt and self-hatred. Thus, the spirit of self-hatred becomes stronger and the cycle repeats itself. The love of one s own comfort also leads to dependency on drugs. Cocaine, for example, releases dopamine in the blood. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter of pleasure. A dose of cocaine releases as much dopamine in the body as a sexual orgasm. This is how cocaine creates a psychological addiction to the pleasure response. Because the body produces dopamine slowly, the initial rush 167 of pleasure will never be repeated at the same intensity, the same satisfaction. However, the cocaine user will try and try again, and so it is addictive. (Among heroin users, the vain attempt to reproduce the first high is called chasing the dragon.) Sexual addiction follows the same dynamics as cocaine addiction. A spendthrift, who manifests an immoderate taste for spending, needs the rush he experiences from his last purchase. This is his daily dose that helps him feel good. Spending recklessly is like overeating, drinking wildly, or binging on chocolate...these are all ways of trying to satisfy his love of material things. These attempts come from a spirit of self-hatred that tell him, You know Daddy does not love you. He thinks you re a loser. Show him he s wrong! Buy this new car right away and everyone will see that you re a winner. He drives the car for a week, he gets used to it, but his father does not see it because the spendthrift is avoiding him. Within a few months, the finance company repossesses the car because he does not manage to make the payments. So, he goes out to buy something else. Self-sabotage The spirit of self-hatred will push you to sabotage the good in your life. Self-sabotage is very dangerous because it is closely related to self-mutilation and self-destruction. Self-sabotage destroys your faith because Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1 The spirit of selfsabotage tells you that your faith will never work. And every 166 See Chapter 11: Fear Strongholds by Henri Lemay. 167 Rush: 1. Also called high. A pleasurable feeling experienced by users of recreational drugs following an injection of amphetamine or heroin. An amphetamine rush is described as an abrupt awakening, as distinguished from the drowsy drifting rush of heroin use. See also flash. (Mosby's Medical Dictionary, 8th edition, 2009).! 65

4 time that you try to exercise your faith, you sabotage the results. As a result, you never achieve what you hoped for. Because the Bible says that Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Pr 13:12, you now find yourself with a sick heart that adds to your sick way of thinking. The spirit of self-sabotage whispers to you, You re not qualified. You destroy every good thing that happens to you. And the spirit of self-hatred then takes the opportunity to accuse you. Inner vows are a form of self-sabotage. When I decree, because I have been hurt, I will never trust women (men) again, the devil will make sure to destroy any relationship that becomes intimate. The statement, I will never do this or that predisposes me to fail later. It is a form of curse against myself. I must repent and, in the Name of Jesus, break the curse directed against myself. V. THE ARMOUR OF SELF HATRED These are the seven demons who form the core of the stronghold of self-hatred. Many other demons and Principalities will join them. Inability to forgive oneself Many people cannot say, I forgive myself. A demon turns their bitterness against others into bitterness against themselves. Refusal to forgive leads to resentment against self It makes me say, I can t do anything right. The more I try, the worse it gets. I m just no good. I ve never been any good. I never will be. I m a good-for-nothing. I don t like looking at myself in the mirror. Dad was right: I ll never succeed at anything. Talking like that to myself only hurts me, does me harm, and weakens me before the next assault of the devil. Resentment against self leads to the desire for vengeance against self When someone accuses us, we react strongly and negatively, which provokes rejection by the other person. We provoked the other person because we unwittingly desired his rejection. The demon of self-hatred accuses us, telling us that the other person does not like us. We become the victim of continuous retaliations. What drives a battered wife to return to her abusive spouse? She needs to be beaten to affirm her self-hatred. Vengeance against herself leads to self-hatred. She is truly a victim. In addition, she needs to be beaten, or to be threatened with a beating, to satisfy her need to hate herself. That kind of thinking is to believe an absolute lie, but the demon of self-hatred accuses and pushes her to return to her abuser. In such a case, the victim must get away from the situation and seek healing for the root of the problem. Ninety per cent of women who grew up in an abusive family will marry a man like their abusive fathers even if they had vowed that they would never marry a man like Dad. Only God can change an abusive man. He needs deliverance. He is under the control of a spirit of self-hatred. By marriage, man and woman become one flesh. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ep 5:28 The opposite is also true: he who hates his wife hates himself. By abusing his wife, he is abusing himself. A woman may also hate men because her father or her husband is weak and disobedient and does not take care of his family. A girl can learn this hatred from her mother and transfer it to her husband later. People who are struggling with a spirit of self-hatred will often cause disputes for the sole purpose of provoking rejection. For example, a wife with a black eye might parade it in front of people saying, Look at what he did to me. Is she saying these words or is it the demons of unforgiveness, resentment, and self-pity? Vengeance against self leads to anger against self I can t stand myself! Here is another proof of my stupidity! I should just kill myself! These behaviours are the result of attacks by a spirit of self-hatred. Anger against oneself breeds perfectionism, self-blame, and self-condemnation. When these three are present, anger will explode every time. When this happens, they would do well to avoid contact with others. Self-hatred The sequence that leads to self-hatred starts with unforgiveness of self, continues with resentment against oneself, which leads to vengeance against oneself, and then to anger against self. Each new step is worse than the previous one. Self-hatred is the product of something simmering and brewing under the surface for days, weeks, months, or years. Then comes violence against self Anger against oneself overflows into heinous acts against oneself, such as cutting, stabbing, mutilating oneself from shame or extreme guilt. The ultimate expression of violence against oneself is suicide. Whoever entertains fantasies of suicide is under the influence of the Principality of bitterness against oneself (also called the Principality of self-hatred) who has deployed his full armour and who is preparing to celebrate his complete victory over his victim. I have to destroy myself. I have no right to exist. The only way I can make other people happy is by killing myself. No one will miss me. Such thoughts are irrational and pathological, but more common than you think. Anyone who has thought about suicide, has spoken about it, has planned it, or has attempted it feels extreme guilt, shame, regret, sadness, self-accusation, etc. regarding the things he has done. Sometimes, he was the victim, but he blames himself for what happened. The prayer leader must identify the specific things for which the supplicant condemns himself. Then, the prayer leader must guide him to ask for forgiveness and receive the forgiveness of the Lord for each identified thing. Check to assure yourself that all the shame and guilt are part of each identified thing. When everything is finished, expel the spirit of death. To overcome the desire for suicide, you must break the bonds of the spirit of self-hatred and eliminate bitterness toward self. You must contradict these lies in the supplicant s self-talk with the truth, My place is here. God created me. I am precious in His sight. Then, he must repent of having contemplated and kept such thoughts, such lies that came from the devil. Then, command, in the Name of Jesus, the lying spirits to leave, command the spirit of death to leave.! 66

5 ! Then, invite the Holy Spirit to heal and restore. VI. THE VICTORY OF GOD 1. The Truth About You Choose to believe what God says about you. Truly, one who touches you touches the apple of my eye. Zechariah 2:8 God says that we are the apple of his eye. In Isaiah 49:16 NJB, His Word says we are engraved on the palms of my hands. We are precious in the sight of God. Genesis 1:27,31 God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them...god saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. God loves humans. God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Jn 3:16 The Word of God rules out any notion that we are trash. What are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them? Yet you have made them a little lower than God, and crowned them with glory and honour. You have given them dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under their feet. Ps 8:4 7 We are children of the Most High God. We are joint heirs with Christ. It is important that everyone become aware of their value in the eyes of God. You may say that, but you don t know what my father told me when I was 12, the supplicant may object. It is unfortunate that your father said such things. However, first, you are more than 12 years old now. And what your father said does not compare in importance and truthfulness to what God says about you in His Word. Today, choose to believe God s promises. Do you want healing? Are you not tired of the mess that your tormentors bring into your life? Choose to believe that you are His child and He loves you. He wants to bless you and fill you. God said, One who touches you touches the apple of my eye. Zc 2:8 In his prayer, David asks God, Wondrously show your steadfast love, O saviour of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. Guard me as the apple of the eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Ps 17:7,8 Truly the Lord sees you as the apple of His eye, the door of His eye, the opening to His heart. What can be more precious? He wants to deploy His protection and His greatest care over you. Woe to him who dares to attack you. God s Word says high praises about humans. It was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. Ps 139:13,14 In Jeremiah 1:5, God said to the prophet, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. He did the same for you, too! 2. Your place in the Body of Christ 67 The body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot were to say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body', that would not make it any less a part of the body...god arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose...there are many members, yet one body...those members of the body that we think less honourable we clothe with greater honour, and our less respectable members are treated with greater respect; whereas our more respectable members do not need this. But God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honour to the inferior member, that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another...you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 1 Co 12:14, 15, 18, 20, 23, 24, 25, 27 God determines the role of each in the body as he chose. Your role is neither greater nor less than that of others. God has chosen your place in the body and that role can change if God wills it. Why do you think certain roles in the church are more important, more honourable than others? In God s eyes, all the roles he assigns are important and honourable. Do you think the gardener cutting the grass and watering the flowers is less important than the accountant who counts the collection and keeps the books? In God s eyes, both are important and honourable. The spirit of self-hatred will lie to you about who you are, what your place is in the Body of Christ. He will influence you to rate your position relative to others so that you will believe that you do not count, that you are not important. The armour of the spirit of self-hatred is composed of self-doubt, self-questioning and self-unbelief. He wants to erode your self-confidence. The spirit of self-hatred seeks to divide and conquer by destroying the unity of the body. Yet, God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honour to the inferior member, that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. And how will the Lord get there? He will show you a still more excellent way... 1 Co 12:31 If I...do not have love, I am nothing...love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Co 13:2,4 7 The love of God in us for ourselves and for others chases away the spirit of self-hatred. God created us to need each other. 3. Affirming Your Identity in God The Epistle to the Ephesians defines your identity in Christ Jesus. God has chosen you. Just as he (the Father) chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him in love. He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ. Ep 1:4,5 God has saved you. In him we have redemption through

6 his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses he has made known to us the mystery of his will. Ep 1:7,9 God has marked you with a seal. In him you also, when you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in him, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit; this is the pledge of our inheritance towards redemption as God's own people. Ep 1:13,14 God will seat you at his right hand in heaven. (God) raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Ep 2:6 God makes you his home. In him (Jesus) you also are being built together into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit. Ep 2:22 NAB God strengthens you by his Spirit. That he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith...so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ep 3:16,17,19 What is the answer to unforgiveness? Forgiveness! We must learn to forgive others and to forgive ourselves. This is how we dismantle the stronghold of self-hatred.! 68