Bah Humbug! a seasonal entertainment. by Jo Smith

Transcription

1 Bah Humbug! a seasonal entertainment by Jo Smith Version 3 Oct 2016

2 Cast List Bah Humbug Charles Dickens Scrooge Tom Tanner (owes Scrooge money) Trader 1 Trader 2 Bob Cratchit Fred Boodle (Scrooge s nephew) Collector 1 Collector 2 Marley Ghost of Xmas Past/Beggar 1 Ebenezer as schoolboy (non-speaking) Fan (Scrooge s sister) Mr Fezziwig Mrs Fezziwig Dick Wilkins (non-speaking) Ebenezer as a young man Belle Ghost of Xmas Present/Beggar 2 Mrs Cratchit Tiny Tim Martha Cratchit Peter Cratchit Young Cratchit girls (2) Mrs Boodle Men (4) discussing Scrooge s death Ghost of Xmas Yet to Come (non-speaking)/beggar 3 Joe, rag & bone man Women 1 with booty Woman 2/Housekeeper Caroline Tanner (Tom s wife) Boy, who gets turkey Traders/Carol singers/urchins/fezziwig employees/boodle guests, etc Page JOS

3 Bah Humbug List of Scenes Prologue Charles Dickens introduces his story Act I Scene 1 A London Street, the day before Christmas 2 Scrooge s Counting House 3 Scrooge s Bedroom Marley s Ghost arrives 4 Scrooge s Bedroom Christmas Past 5 Scrooge s Bedroom Christmas Present **** INTERVAL **** Interlogue Charles Dickens continues his story Act II Scene 1 Nephew s House 2 Scrooge s Bedroom Christmas Yet to Come 3 Scrooge s Bedroom the end of it 4 Scrooge s Counting House 2016 JOS Page 3

4 Prologue Bah Humbug Prologue Charles Dickens introduces his story (Front of Tabs) Enter DSL Charles Dickens he reads from his book. Dickens Marley was dead to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it, and Scrooge s name was good upon the exchange for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail. Scrooge knew he was dead. Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don t know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend and sole mourner. Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dogdays; and didn t thaw it one degree at Christmas. Act I Scene 1 A London Street (Full Set) It s the day before Christmas. The street traders are calling their wares Song 1 Chorus Let it Snow At the end of the song Scrooge enters through auditorium Trader 1 Look who s here! Mister Scrooge. Trader 2 Old Scratch. The Devil himself! Trader 3 No chance of getting anything out of him! You just watch. Scrooge meets three beggars, played by the three people who will later play the Ghosts of Christmas Beggar 1 (In rags) Penny for old time s sake, sir? Page JOS

5 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 1 Scrooge Old time s sake? Beggar 1 I was prosperous like you once, sir, but I ve fallen on hard times. Just a penny for a meal tonight. Scrooge If I gave a penny to every wastrel I met, I d be bankrupt tomorrow. Find yourself some useful employment and feed yourself. Beggar 2 (A street entertainer) Now, you look like a prosperous gent and a proper connoisseur. I ll play you a tune any tune you like. A coin in my hat and a merry tune for Christmas? Scrooge What s merry about Christmas? Out of my way and take your merrymaking elsewhere. Beggar 3 (Who appears to be blind) Cross my palm with silver, sir, and I ll tell your fortune. Scrooge My fortune is quite secure, thank you, as I do not give my silver away to fools and charlatans such as you. Beggar 3 You do not know what the future holds. Scrooge I have the security of wealth. I have no need to fear the future. Now, move aside wretch, if you know what s good for you. Beggar 3 Your arrogance may come back to haunt you. Scrooge Humbug! Scrooge moves on Trader 2 Think he ll pass us by without speaking? Tom Tanner Be best for me if he did. I ve got a loan out from him, and he wants it repaying and I can t I don t have the money. Trader 2 Better make yourself scarce then. Trader 1 He ll not ask for it back today not just before Christmas. Tom Tanner Look at the man. He d get blood out of a stone if he could, Christmas or no Christmas. I m off! He makes a move to go, but Scrooge sees him Scrooge Mr Tanner, is it not? Tom Tanner Mr Scrooge JOS Page 5

6 Act I Scene 1 Bah Humbug Scrooge Your loan is overdue. Tom Tanner You ll have it after Christmas, sir. Trade s always good at Christmas. Scrooge Bah, Humbug! Don t you Christmas me. The loan is overdue, so now you must pay me interest on it as well as the original sum. Good day! Scrooge sweeps off and into his Counting House Tom Tanner But I haven t got the money. Trader 1 He ll send the bailiffs in if you don t pay. Trader 2 Heartless beggar! Tom Tanner Don t know what I ll tell the wife now. (Exits SR) Fred Happy Christmas, everybody. Trader 1 And to you, Mr Boodle. Fred Boodle enters SL Fred Mr Boodle? Mr Boodle? Everybody calls me Fred. Trader 2 Happy Christmas, Fred. Fred Thank you and to you. Is trade good? Trader 1 Always good at Christmas. Can I sell you a goose for your table tomorrow? Fred On my way back maybe. First I m calling in on my uncle, Mr Scrooge. Trader 2 He s your uncle? Fred Surely is, as day follows night. Trader 1 Then perhaps you can tell him to treat poor Tom Tanner better. Trader 2 Just passed by and told him to pay his loan back, or else. Fred That sounds like uncle Scrooge. Trader 1 But he can t afford it. Fred That won t worry uncle Scrooge. Page JOS

7 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 2 Trader 2 Can t you do anything about it? Fred I ll go and wish him a happy Christmas, as I do every year at this time. Trader 1 What will that do? Fred Nothing. Every year I invite him to dinner, and every year he says: Bah Humbug! and ignores the invitation. Trader 2 Not worth going then. Fred I make the trial in homage to Christmas, and I ll keep my Christmas humour to the last. Good day, gentlemen. Fred exits SR Trader 1 Can t be from the same family. Trader 2 Difficult to believe. The carol singers prepare to sing Trader 1 Ah, the carol singers are back. Trader 2 That should warm us up on a freezing cold day. Song 2 Carol Singers, Chorus and Traders In Dulci Jubilo Scene fades at the end, but we hear a carol (eg. In the Bleak Midwinter ) still being sung behind the dialogue of next scene. Act I Scene 2 Scrooge s Counting House (Part Set) Scrooge is at his high desk, and Bob Cratchit at his low one Bob Nice to hear the singing. Scrooge Caterwauling! Concentrate on your copying, Cratchit, or you will fall behind. Bob It s only once a year, Mr Scrooge. Scrooge If I had my way, every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. Bob Only once a year JOS Page 7

8 Act I Scene 2 Bah Humbug Scrooge Why is your pen slipping from your fingers? Bob It s very cold in here, Mr Scrooge. Freezing in fact. Could we have a little more coal on the fire? Scrooge You have a candle there, Cratchit what more do you want? Any more complaints and we will have to part company. Are those copies ready yet? Bob I shall have them done soon, Mr Scrooge. If I can keep the pen in my hand. Scrooge What s Christmas time but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in a dozen of months presented dead against you? Bah! Fred bursts into the room Fred A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you! Scrooge Humbug! Fred Christmas a humbug, uncle? You don t mean that, I am sure? Scrooge I do. Merry Christmas? What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You re poor enough. Fred Come, then, what right have you to be dismal? What reason have you to be morose? You re rich enough. Scrooge Bah! And Humbug. Fred Don t be cross, uncle! Scrooge What else can I be, when I live in such a world of fools as this? Fred Uncle! Scrooge Nephew! Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine. Fred Keep it? But you don t keep it. Scrooge Let me leave it alone, then. Much good may it do you! Fred Uncle, I have always thought of Christmas time as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of when men and women think of people below them as fellow-passengers, and Page JOS

9 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 2 not another race of creatures. And though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it! Bob applauds this Scrooge (To Bob) Let me hear another sound from you, and you ll keep your Christmas by losing your situation! (To Fred) You re quite a powerful speaker, sir. I wonder you don t go into Parliament. Fred Don t be angry, uncle. Come and dine with us tomorrow. Scrooge I ll see you in hell first! Fred I want nothing from you; I ask nothing of you; why can t we be friends? Scrooge Good afternoon. Fred So, a Merry Christmas, uncle! Scrooge Good afternoon! Fred (Looking back on exiting) And a Happy New Year! And to you Mr Cratchit. Bob acknowledges this Scrooge (To himself, looking at Bob) There s another fellow, my clerk, with fifteen shillings a week, and a wife and family, talking about a merry Christmas. I ll think I ll retire to Bedlam! Two Collectors enter with papers Collector 1 (Referring to a list) Scrooge and Marley s, I believe. Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge, or Mr Marley? Scrooge Mr Marley has been dead these seven years. He died seven years ago, this very night. Collector 1 (Handing Scrooge a document) But no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner. Scrooge frowns, shakes his head, and hands the document back Collector 2 At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; 2016 JOS Page 9

10 Act I Scene 2 Bah Humbug hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir. Scrooge Are there no prisons? Collector 1 Plenty of prisons. Scrooge And the workhouses? Are they still in operation? Collector 2 They are. Still. I wish I could say they were not. Scrooge The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then? Collector 1 Both very busy, sir. Scrooge Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course. I m very glad to hear it. Collector 1 They scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude, sir. A few of us are trying to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. What shall I put you down for? Scrooge Nothing! Collector 2 You wish to be anonymous? Scrooge I wish to be left alone. Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don t make merry myself at Christmas and I can t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there. Collector 1 Many can t go there; and many would rather die. Scrooge If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. It s enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people s. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon to you! The two Collectors shake their heads and exit. Scrooge returns to his work. A lone voice starts to sing a carol loudly outside the door: Singer God rest you merry, gentlemen, Let nothing you dismay! Scrooge seizes a ruler and throws it in the direction of the door. The singing stops abruptly. Page JOS

11 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 3 Scrooge (To Bob) You ll want all day off tomorrow, I suppose? Bob If quite convenient, sir. Scrooge It s not convenient, and it s not fair. If I was to stop half-acrown for it, you d think yourself ill-used, I ll be bound? And yet, you don t think me ill-used, when I pay a day s wages for no work. Bob But it s only once a year, sir. Scrooge (Putting on his great-coat) A poor excuse for picking a man s pocket every twenty-fifth of December! But I suppose you must have the whole day. Be here all the earlier next morning. With this, Scrooge leaves the room leaving Bob to clear up Bob I will, sir. I will. Possible music to cover change of scene Act I Scene 3 Scrooge s Bedroom (Part Set) We see Scrooge walking from his Counting House to his Home Song 3 Tune: Away in a Manger Away from his office, Ebenezer now heads Through the streets of old London to home and his bed, The folk walking past him look round in dismay At this grumpy old man who won t give them Good day. We see him approaching his simple front door, Unadorned, uninviting, it makes him look poor, He closes it firmly, climbs stairs to the gloom Where just two lumps of coal give a light to his room. He is met by his Housekeeper, who later will play Woman 2 in Act II Sc2 Housekeeper I ve lit your fire, sir, with the small amount of coal you left me. And your gruel s in the parlour, as best I could make it from the scraps in the cupboard. And your bed s made up, though new sheets would be an improvement. If you give me some little money, sir, I could do better for you. Scrooge I can t afford to waste money on fripperies. Bare essentials is all any man needs. Housekeeper Well, I only asked. If that will be all, sir, I ll wish you 2016 JOS Page 11

12 Act I Scene 3 Bah Humbug good evening leave you to your own company. Scrooge My own company is all I require. Housekeeper (As she exits) As you wish, sir. And a Merry Christmas. Scrooge (To himself) Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine. Paying bills without money; finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer Bah Humbug! Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge, or Mr Marley? Mr Marley has been dead these seven years. He died seven years ago, this very night. Seven years ago this very night. Scrooge has arrived in his bedroom and puts on his gown and nightcap This very night. Strange, but I thought I saw his face in the shape of the door knocker just now. It must have been a trick of the light. In the fog. Just a trick. Better double-lock the door just in case. (He does this) Suddenly bells starts ringing It s humbug. I won t believe it! Marley s ghost enters through the auditorium. He is wearing his pigtail, waistcoat, tights and boots; and the chain is clasped about his middle. It is long, and wound about him like a tail; and is made of cash-boxes, keys, padlock and the like, and drags noisily along the floor How now! What do you want with me? Marley Much! Scrooge Who are you? Marley Ask me who I was. Scrooge Who were you then? You re particular, for a shade. Marley In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley. (Pause) You don t believe in me. Scrooge I don t. Marley What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses? Scrooge I don t know. Marley Why do you doubt your senses? Page JOS

13 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 3 Scrooge Because a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheat. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are! At this, Marley raises a frightful cry, and shakes his chain. Scrooge falls upon his knees, and clasps his hands before his face Mercy! Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me? Marley Man of the worldly mind! Do you believe in me or not? Scrooge I do, I must. But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me? Marley It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide. And if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world oh, woe is me! and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth and turned to happiness! Again Marley raises a cry, and shakes his chain Scrooge You are fettered. Tell me why? Marley I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard. Is its pattern strange to you? Would you care to know the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? I can tell you, it was as heavy and as long as this seven Christmas Eves ago. You have laboured on it, since. Yours would be a ponderous chain indeed! Scrooge Jacob, old Jacob Marley, tell me more. Speak comfort to me, Jacob! Marley I have none to give. It comes from other regions, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers, to other kinds of men. Nor can I tell you all that I would. A very little more is all that is permitted to me. I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere. Scrooge Seven years dead, and travelling all the time! Marley The whole time. No rest, no peace. Incessant torture of remorse. Nothing can make amends for one life s opportunity misused! Scrooge But you were always a good man of business, Jacob. Marley Business! Mankind should have been my business. Charity, 2016 JOS Page 13

14 Act I Scene 3 Bah Humbug mercy, forbearance and benevolence. The dealings of my trade should have been a drop of water in the ocean of life. And at this time of the year I suffer the most. Hear me! My time is nearly gone. Scrooge I will, but don t be hard on me, Jacob! Marley I am here to-night to warn you so that you may have a chance and hope of escaping my fate, Ebenezer. Scrooge You were always a good friend to me. Marley You will be haunted, by Three Spirits. Scrooge I I think I d rather not. Marley Without their visits, you cannot hope to avoid the path I tread. Expect the first tomorrow, when the bell tolls One. Scrooge Couldn t I take em all at once, and have it over, Jacob? Marley Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of Twelve has ceased to chime. You will see me no more; but for your own sake, remember what I have said! Marley s ghost walks backwards and exits through the window. There are wailings from without: Repent, repent! Song 4 Tune: Past three o clock Past one o clock, You will get your first stark warning, Past one o clock, You will get your first cold call. Gone now is Marley, no more to parley, He-has-promised-to effect a meeting with spectre. Past one o clock, There will come your first stark warning, Past one o clock, You will get your first cold call. During the song, Scrooge sits in his chair and goes to sleep. After a pause, we hear Westminster chimes, then One o clock strikes. Scrooge (Waking suddenly) One o clock? Already? It cannot be. The Ghost of Christmas Past enters, his head aflame Christmas Past One o clock, it is. Scrooge Are you the Spirit whose coming was foretold to me? Page JOS

15 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 4 Christmas Past I am! Scrooge Who, and what are you? Christmas Past I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Scrooge Long Past? Christmas Past No. Your past. The Ghost puts out its hand and clasps him gently by the arm Rise! and come with me! I have many things to show you. They move towards the window Scrooge Not through the window! I am a mortal. I will fall. Christmas Past Hold my robe I promise you will not fall. They exit through the window Music to show change of scene Act I Scene 4 Scrooge visits old memories (Part Sets) A schoolroom. A boy sits in the gloom. Christmas Past Do you recognise where you are? Scrooge I was a boy here! Christmas Past Your lip is trembling, and what is that upon your cheek? Scrooge (Brushing the tear away) It is but a pimple. Lead me where you will. Christmas Past You remember the way? Scrooge Remember? I could walk it blindfold. Christmas Past Strange to have forgotten it for so many years! Is this building familiar to you? Scrooge It s the school. My old school. But it s deserted. Christmas Past Not quite deserted. (A light illuminates the boy) A solitary child is there still, neglected by his friends even at Christmas. Scrooge I know it! 2016 JOS Page 15

16 Act I Scene 4 Bah Humbug Christmas Past Though not entirely alone. Scrooge No. There were my imaginary friends. They kept me company. Each friend appears they are recalled Christmas Past Dear old honest Ali Baba! One Christmas time, when the child was here all alone, he did come, for the first time, just like that. Poor boy! Scrooge And there s the Parrot! Green body and yellow tail, with a thing like a lettuce growing out of the top of his head; there he is! Robin Crusoe, I called him, when he came home again after sailing round the island. Poor Robin Crusoe, where have you been, Robin Crusoe? Christmas Past These are good memories. And you remember Puss in Boots? Scrooge The talking cat. He tricked the ogre told him he couldn t turn himself into a mouse. And when he did, he ate him and inherited his castle. Christmas Past Which he gave to his master. Scrooge I wish but it s too late now. Christmas Past What is too late? Scrooge Nothing, nothing. There was a boy singing a Christmas Carol at my door last night. I should like to have given him something now: that s all. Christmas Past Let us see another Christmas! Enter Scrooge s sister, Fan, as a young girl Fan (To the boy) Dear, dear brother! I have come to bring you home. Scrooge (To himself) Home! Fan Yes! Home, for good and all. Home, for ever and ever. Father is so much kinder than he used to be, and home s like Heaven! He has sent me in a coach to bring you. And you re to be a man and are never to come back here. Scrooge She was quite a woman, little Fan! Christmas Past She was a delicate creature though. Almost a breath of Page JOS

17 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 4 air might have withered her. But she had a large heart! Scrooge So she had! What became of her? Christmas Past Your sister? She died a woman, but she had children, as I recall. Scrooge One child. Christmas Past True. Your nephew Fred! Scrooge (Uneasily) Fred. Yes. They move away from the schoolroom, and into a warehouse Music to show change of scene Christmas Past Do you know this place? Scrooge Know it? I was apprenticed here! An old gentleman in a Welsh wig enters Why, look, it s old Fezziwig! Bless his heart; it s Fezziwig alive again! Fezziwig lays down his pen, and looks up at the clock, rubs his hands and laughs loudly and happily Fezziwig Yo ho, there! Ebenezer! Dick! Scrooge s sees his former self, as a young man, enter accompanied by Dick Wilkins, his fellow apprentice Scrooge Dick Wilkins, to be sure! Bless me, yes. There he is. He was very much attached to me, was Dick. Poor Dick! Dear, dear! Fezziwig Yo ho, my boys! No more work to-night. Christmas Eve. Clear away, my lads, and let s have lots of room here! They clear the desk away, and the chorus enter as warehouse workers, followed by Mrs Fezziwig Music! Dancing! Come Mrs Fezziwig, let us show them how! Dance 5 Chorus & Fezziwigs Sir Roger de Coverley They perform the Sir Roger de Coverley dance During the whole of this time, Scrooge acts like a man out of his wits. His heart and soul are in the scene, and with his former self, and he enjoys 2016 JOS Page 17

18 Act I Scene 4 Bah Humbug everything. At the end, Mr and Mrs Fezziwig stand one on either side of the exit and shake hands with every person as he or she goes out, wishing him or her a Merry Christmas. Young Ebenezer and Dick are last to go, followed by the Fezziwigs Christmas Past A small matter, to make these silly folks so full of gratitude. Scrooge Small indeed! Christmas Past Yet you overheard your young self pouring praise upon your employer. But why? He had only spent a few pounds of your mortal money. Did he deserve so much praise for so little? Scrooge It isn t that, Spirit. He had the power to make us happy or unhappy; to make our service a pleasure or a chore. The happiness he gave was (he stops speaking suddenly) Christmas Past What is the matter? Scrooge Nothing particular. Christmas Past Something, I think? Scrooge No. No. (a pause) I should like to be able to say a word or two to my clerk Bob Cratchit just now. That s all. Christmas Past My time grows short.. I would have you meet Belle. You remember Belle? Light on young Ebenezer and Belle Belle Ebenezer, we met when we were both poor and content to be so. But now you have changed. Young Ebenezer In what way changed? Belle Another love has replaced me a love of gold. Young Ebenezer You know there is nothing in the world so despised as poverty. But you condemn me for trying to get rich. Belle You fear the world too much. Young Ebenezer I have seen poverty, and I fear it yes! Belle Would you seek me out and try to win me now? The penniless girl Page JOS

19 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 4 that I was? No, I think not. Young Ebenezer You think not? Belle I would gladly think otherwise but now I must release you from our contract, with a full heart and love for what you once were. May you be happy in the life you have chosen. She gives him a chaste kiss, then turns and leaves him. Light fades on him Song from Belle to cover scene change. Scrooge Spirit! Show me no more! Why do you delight to torture me? Christmas Past She loved you. But another idol displaced her in your affections. Scrooge I was a boy when I first met her. Did I change so much? Christmas Past In everything that made her love of any worth or value in your sight. Scrooge What became of her? Christmas Past She married a loving husband, and theirs became a happy house full of fine children. Scrooge I am glad for her. Christmas Past And when they remember you, Belle s old friend Scrooge Yes? Christmas Past It is with pity for someone quite alone in the world. Scrooge Spirit, remove me from this place. Christmas Past I told you these were shadows of the things that have been. They are what they are, do not blame me! Scrooge Leave me! Take me back. Haunt me no longer! Scrooge puts his night-cap over the Ghost s head to extinguish the flame. At this, the Ghost disappears from view. Scrooge is left holding the cap and slowly retires to his chair JOS Page 19

20 Act I Scene 5 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 5 Scrooge visits present memories (Part Sets) Song 6 Tune: Abide with me Abide with me, fast falls the eventide, The darkness deepens, each sad scene derides Life as I lived it; who will set me free? Spirits of Christmas, oh be kind to me. After a pause, Scrooge snores himself awake. The clock strikes One and a red glow appears offstage Scrooge Is anybody there? Hello? Another Spirit? No-one? He gets out of his chair and moves towards the light Christmas Present (Off) Ebenezer Scrooge. Scrooge I am here. Where are you? Christmas Present enters from the source of light he is a jolly man, dressed in green Christmas Present I am here. Come closer and know me better, man. Scrooge approaches him warily I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me. You have never seen the like of me before! Scrooge Never. Christmas Present You have never walked forth with the younger members of my family? Scrooge I don t think I have. I m afraid I have not. Christmas Present Then tonight you will walk forth with me. Scrooge Conduct me where you will, Spirit. I went forth last night on compulsion, and I learnt a lesson which is working now. Tonight, if you have anything to teach me, let me profit by it. Christmas Present Touch my robe! Scrooge does as he is told, and they exit through the window. The lights change; they are in a street where people are on their way home for Christmas. Church bells are ringing; the Ghost of Christmas Present spreads a little happiness to all as he goes by. Music to set tone Page JOS

21 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 5 Christmas Present Let us visit someone you know well. They come upon the Cratchits house as unseen observers. There is Mrs Cratchit with elder son Peter and two smaller ones. Scrooge Why, it s Bob Cratchit s family. Christmas Present He earns but fifteen shillings a week, as you well know but let s see how Christmas can still be enjoyed on little money. The Ghost of Christmas Present sprinkles some blessings into the house Mrs Cratchit What has ever got your precious father then? And your brother, Tiny Tim! And Martha warn t as late last Christmas Day by half-an-hour. Enter Martha Young Cratchit 1 Here s Martha, mother! Hurrah! Young Cratchit 2 There s such a goose, Martha! Mrs Cratchit (Kissing her a dozen times, and taking off her shawl and bonnet for her with officious zeal) Why, bless your heart alive, my dear, how late you are! Martha We d a deal of work to finish up last night, and had to clear away this morning, mother! Mrs Cratchit Well! Never mind so long as you are come. Sit ye down before the fire, my dear, and have a warm, Lord bless ye! Young Cratchit 1 No, no! There s father coming. Young Cratchit 2 Hide, Martha, hide! Young Cratchit 1 Like you always do. Martha hides herself, and Bob enters with Tiny Tim on his shoulders Bob Hello everybody. Why, where s our Martha? Mrs Cratchit She s not coming. Bob Not coming? Not coming upon Christmas Day? Martha relents, comes out of hiding and runs into his arms, while the two young Cratchits hustle Tiny Tim away Mrs Cratchit And how did little Tim behave? 2016 JOS Page 21

22 Act I Scene 5 Bah Humbug Bob As good as gold, and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see. Tiny Tim re-enters on his crutch with the Young Cratchits Mrs Cratchit Peter, take the two young uns and get the goose in. Tim, you sit by the fire and help your father stir the punch while I get the table ready. Scrooge How do they make such a feast on the little I pay them? Christmas Present A feast is not made by money alone, Ebenezer. It is made by love and good company. Peter and the youngsters bring back the cooked goose in high procession. Bob There never was such a goose. I don t believe there ever was such a goose cooked. Martha Tender! Peter It s a proper goose. Mrs Cratchit Best we could afford, me dears. Bob And pudding to follow. Young Cratchits Pudding! Mrs Cratchit I only hope it s cooked proper it s boiling in the copper in yard. Bob A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears. God bless us! All God bless us. Tiny Tim God bless us every one! Light fades on scene Scrooge Spirit, tell me if Tiny Tim will live. Christmas Present I see a vacant seat in the poor chimney-corner, and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child will die. Page JOS

23 Bah Humbug Act I Scene 5 Scrooge No, no! Oh, no, kind Spirit! say he will be spared. Christmas Present If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, none other of my race will find him here. What then? If he be like to die, he had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Scrooge My own words quoted back to me. Christmas Present Man, if man you be in heart, forbear that wicked cant until you have discovered what the surplus is, and where it is. Will you decide what men shall live, what men shall die? It may be, that in the sight of Heaven, you are more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this poor man s child! Lights up on Cratchits Bob (Proposing a toast) Mr Scrooge! I ll give you Mr Scrooge, the Founder of the Feast! Scrooge reacts to hearing his name Mrs Cratchit The Founder of the Feast indeed! I wish I had him here. I d give him a piece of my mind to feast upon, and I hope he d have a good appetite for it. Bob My dear, the children! Christmas Day. Mrs Cratchit It should be Christmas Day, I am sure, on which one drinks the health of such an odious, stingy, hard, unfeeling man as Mr Scrooge. You know he is, Robert! Nobody knows it better than you do, you poor fellow! Bob My dear, Christmas Day! Mrs Cratchit I ll drink his health for your sake and the Day s not for his. Long life to him! A merry Christmas and a happy new year! He ll be very merry and very happy, I have no doubt! Scrooge They drank a toast to me! The family all drink a toast to Scrooge Tiny Tim But I don t care tuppence for it. Christmas Present (To Scrooge) It is time to leave this place and travel further. They leave the Cratchits house 2016 JOS Page 23

24 Interlogue Bah Humbug Scrooge Where must I go now, Spirit? Christmas Present That you will find out in due course. For the moment, walk through the streets with me and see the happiness around you on Christmas Day. And later we will travel on. We are back in the opening scene, a London street Chorus enter as people eager to get home for Christmas Song 7 Chorus Deck the Halls Curtain INTERVAL Interlogue Charles Dickens continues his story (Front of Tabs) Enter DSL Charles Dickens he reads from his book. Dickens The Ghost of Christmas Present sped on, with Scrooge still clutching on to his robe. They travelled across deserts and oceans, and in every place the Spirit showed Scrooge that Christmas Day was still celebrated there whatever the situation. Then, suddenly, Scrooge heard a hearty laugh, which he recognised as his own nephew s. If you should happen, by any unlikely chance, to know a man more blest in a laugh than Scrooge s nephew, all I can say is, I should like to know him too. Introduce him to me, and I ll cultivate his acquaintance. It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humour. Page JOS

25 Bah Humbug Act II Scene 1 Act II Scene 1 Inside the Boodles House (Part Set) The Boodles are celebrating Christmas with friends Song 8 Chorus The Sussex Carol Fred (Laughing) Merry Christmas, my friends. Merry Christmas! If only uncle Scrooge were here to enjoy it with us. Mrs Boodle Your uncle Scrooge? Why him? Fred He said that Christmas was a humbug, as I live! He believed it too! Mrs Boodle More shame for him, Fred! Fred He s a comical old fellow, that s the truth: and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offences carry their own punishment, and I have nothing to say against him. Mrs Boodle I m sure he is very rich, Fred. At least you always tell me so. Fred What of that, my dear! His wealth is of no use to him. He don t do any good with it. He don t make himself comfortable with it. He hasn t the satisfaction of thinking ha, ha, ha! that he is ever going to benefit US with it. Mrs Boodle I have no patience with him. The other guests all agree Fred Oh, I have! I am sorry for him; I couldn t be angry with him if I tried. Who suffers by his ill whims! Himself, always. Here, he takes it into his head to dislike us, and he won t come and dine with us. What s the consequence? He don t lose much of a dinner. Mrs Boodle Indeed, I think he loses a very good dinner. More agreement Fred I was only going to say that the consequence of his taking a dislike to us, and not making merry with us, is that he loses some pleasant moments, which could do him no harm. I am sure he loses pleasanter companions than he can find in his own thoughts, either in his mouldy old office, or his dusty chambers. I mean to give him the same chance every year, whether he likes it or not, for I pity him. He may rail at Christmas till he dies, but he can t help thinking better of it if he finds 2016 JOS Page 25

26 Act II Scene 1 Bah Humbug me going there, in good temper, year after year, and saying Uncle Scrooge, how are you? If it only puts him in the mood to leave his poor clerk fifty pounds, that s something; and I think I shook him yesterday. All laugh at this, to Scrooge s discomfort Mrs Boodle I hope you did. But now, it s time for us to play games. Fred Very well. Let s play Riddles. Who will start? Mrs Boodle I shall start. Who can answer me this one? What do you always break before you use it? After each question, Scrooge tries to answer with the help of the audience Mrs Boodle I can tell you from my time in the kitchen that the answer is an egg. Fred Very good, my dear. Now I have one. Which month has 28 days? A: All of them. Guest 1 Try this one. Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it, you ll die. What is it? A: Nothing. Fred Oh-ho, that s one for uncle Scrooge to contemplate. Guest 2 I have one. If I am in a barrel, I make it lighter. What am I? A: A hole. Fred I ve not heard that one before. Very good. Do we have one more? Guest 3 Yes. What is put on a table and cut, but never eaten? A: A pack of cards. Fred A pack of cards! That s a good riddle for a games evening! Scrooge I m enjoying this, Spirit. May I stay for the next game? Christmas Present One game only, for my time is running short. Mrs Boodle Can we play Yes or No? Fred Yes or No. Indeed. An excellent game. Who ll begin? Mrs Boodle You. You think of a subject and the rest of us will guess what it is. But your only answer must be Yes or No. Page JOS

27 Bah Humbug Act II Scene 1 Fred Very well. I have a subject in mind. Mrs Boodle Is it an animal? Fred Yes. Guest 1 A live animal? Fred Yes. Guest 2 A disagreeable animal? Fred Oh yes. Guest 3 A savage animal? Fred No, I wouldn t say savage. Guest 4 An animal that growls and grunts? Fred No, not usually. Guest 5 A talking animal? Fred Yes, certainly. Guest 6 Lives in London? Fred Yes. Guest 7 Walks about the streets? Fred Yes. Guest 8 Never killed in a market? Fred Oh no. Guest 9 An ass? Fred (Laughs) No. Not in the way you mean. Guest 10 A bear? Fred No. Mrs Boodle I have found it out! I know what it is, Fred! I know what it is! Fred What is it? Mrs Boodle It s your Uncle Scro-o-o-o-oge! 2016 JOS Page 27

28 Act II Scene 2 Bah Humbug Fred There, you have it! Mrs Boodle But the reply to Is it a bear? ought to have been Yes Fred He has given us plenty of merriment, I am sure, and it would be ungrateful not to drink his health now. Here is a glass ready to hand; and I say, Uncle Scrooge! All toast Uncle Scrooge A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man, whatever he is! He wouldn t take it from me, but may he have it, nevertheless. Uncle Scrooge! Scrooge They have toasted me! Spirit, I must reply. Christmas Present They cannot see you or hear you and we have no time. We must away there is little time left to me. Scrooge Are spirits lives so short? Christmas Present My life upon this globe, is very brief. It ends tonight. Scrooge Tonight! Christmas Present Tonight at midnight. (A bell starts to chime) Hark! The time is drawing near. Scrooge Must you leave me? Christmas Present At the last chime. But then another will take my place. Farewell! Scrooge looks around for another, and while he does this, at the last stroke of Midnight, the Ghost of Christmas Present disappears Scrooge Spirit, save me! Act II Scene 2 Scrooge visits the future (Part Sets) The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come enters silently Song 9 Tune: See amid the winter snow runs through the following scene Scrooge Am I in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come? Page JOS

29 Bah Humbug Act II Scene 2 Song 9 part 1 The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come does not speak but points with his hand to the door. (echoing) Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Verse Chorus Here with Christmas Yet to Come See the things you might have done, See the way the race may run Follow Christmas Yet to Come. Follow where the finger shows, Go where e re the spectre goes, Though the sights may often fright. Make your journey through the night. Scrooge You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us. Is that so, Spirit? Ghost of the Future! I fear you more than any spectre I have seen. But I know your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was, I will bear you company, and do it with a thankful heart. But will you not speak to me? The Ghost continues to point to the door. A couple of businessmen enter Man 1 No, I don t know much about it, either way. I only know he s dead. Man 2 When did he die? Man 1 Last night, I believe. Man 2 Why, what was the matter with him? I thought he d never die. Man 1 God knows. Man 2 What has he done with his money? Man 1 I haven t heard. Left it to his company, perhaps. He hasn t left it to me. That s all I know. They laugh It s likely to be a very cheap funeral. I don t know of anybody going to it. Suppose we make up a party and volunteer? 2016 JOS Page 29

30 Act II Scene 2 Bah Humbug Man 2 I don t mind going if a lunch is provided. Another laugh Man 1 Well, I ll offer to go, if anybody else will. When I come to think of it, I m not at all sure that I wasn t his most particular friend; for we used to stop and speak whenever we met. Bye, bye! Scrooge I know those men. They exit in different directions Two more men enter Here come some others. I know these too. They are men of business: very wealthy, and of great importance. I have always made a point of standing well in their esteem in a business point of view, that is strictly in a business point of view. Man 3 How are you? Man 4 How are you? Man 3 Well! I hear Old Scratch has got his own at last, hey? Man 4 So I am told. (Casually) Cold today, isn t it? Man 3 Seasonable for Christmas time. (Tipping his hat) Good day. Man 4 Good day. They also exit in different directions Scrooge Old Scratch? Who is Old Scratch? Or rather, who was Old Scratch. It can t be Old Marley, because his death was in the past and this Spirit is to show me the future. Why are you showing me this, Spirit? The Ghost continues to point. A man is now in the room, and soon two women (the second is Scrooge s housekeeper) enter each with a sack. Song 9 part 2 (echoing) Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Verse Women who you may have known, May have trusted in your home, Page JOS

31 Bah Humbug Act II Scene 2 Chorus Show their true traits when you re gone, Follow Christmas Yet to Come. Follow where the finger shows, (etc) Woman 1 Look here, old Joe, here s a chance! We ve all met here without meaning it! Joe You couldn t have met in a better place. You re a regular here, and the other ain t a stranger. We re all suitable to our calling, we re well matched. Woman 1 What odds then! Every person has a right to take care of themselves. He always did. Woman 2 That s true, indeed! No man more so. Woman 1 Why then, don t stand staring as if you was afraid, woman; who s the wiser? We re not going to pick holes in each other s coats. Woman 2 No, indeed! I should hope not. Woman 1 Very well, then! That s enough. Who s the worse for the loss of a few things like these? Not a dead man, I suppose. Woman 2 (Laughing) No, indeed. Woman 1 If he wanted to keep em after he was dead, the wicked old screw, why wasn t he natural in his lifetime? If he had been, he d have had somebody to look after him when he was struck with Death, instead of lying gasping out his last there, alone by himself. Woman 2 It s the truest word that ever was spoke. It s a judgment on him. Woman 1 I wish it was a little heavier judgment, and it should have been. You may depend upon it, if I could have laid my hands on anything else I would have. Open that bundle, old Joe, and let me know the value of it. Speak out plain. I m not afraid to be the first, nor afraid for all to see it. We know pretty well that we were helping ourselves before we met here. It s no sin. Open the bundle. In the sack are sheets and towels, a little wearing apparel, two oldfashioned silver teaspoons, a pair of sugar-tongs, and a few boots. Joe I always give too much to ladies. It s a weakness of mine, and that s the way I ruin myself. (He totals up) That s your account. If you ask 2016 JOS Page 31

32 Act II Scene 2 Bah Humbug me for another penny I ll repent of being so liberal and knock off half-acrown. Woman 2 And now undo my bundle, Joe. In her sack is a large and heavy roll of some dark stuff Joe What do you call this? Bed-curtains! Woman 2 Yes! Bed-curtains. Joe You don t mean to say you took em down, rings and all, with him lying there? Woman 2 Yes I do. Why not? Joe You were born to make your fortune, and you ll certainly do it. Woman 2 I certainly shan t hold my hand, when I can get anything in it by reaching out. Not for the sake of such a man as He was, I promise you. Don t drop that oil upon the blankets, now. Joe His blankets? Woman 2 Whose else s do you think? He isn t likely to take cold where he s going, I dare say. Joe I hope he didn t die of anything catching, eh? Woman 2 Don t you be afraid of that. I ain t so fond of his company that I d loiter about him for such things, if he did. Ah! you may look through that shirt till your eyes ache; but you won t find a hole in it, nor a threadbare place. It s the best he had, and a fine one too. They d have wasted it, if it hadn t been for me. Joe What do you call wasting of it? Woman 2 Putting it on him to be buried in, to be sure. Somebody was fool enough to do it, but I took it off again. If calico ain t good enough for such a purpose, it isn t good enough for anything. It s quite as becoming to the body. He can t look uglier than he did in that one. Scrooge She took the shirt off a dead body! Woman 2 (Accepting money from Joe) Ha, ha! This is the end of it, you see! He frightened everyone away from him when he was alive, to profit us when he was dead! Page JOS

33 Bah Humbug Act II Scene 2 The three of them disperse Scrooge Spirit! I see, I see. The case of this unhappy man might be my own. My life tends that way now. Merciful Heaven, what is this! In a cameo, a mother and her children sit huddled together. Soon a man enters. It is Tom Tanner. Caroline Tanner What is the news, Tom? Is it good? Or bad? Tom Tanner Bad. Tom is embarrassed how to answer Caroline Tanner (In despair) Then, we are quite ruined? Tom Tanner No. There is hope yet, Caroline. Caroline Tanner If he relents there is! Nothing is past hope, if such a miracle has happened. Tom Tanner He is past relenting. He is dead. Caroline Tanner Oh, thank God! (Suddenly) Oh no, I didn t mean it that way! May I be forgiven! Tom Tanner Remember the half-drunken woman who I told you of last night, who turned me away when I tried to see him and obtain a week s delay. What I thought was an excuse to avoid me turns out to have been quite true. He was not only very ill, but dying, then. Caroline Tanner Who will our debt be transferred to? Tom Tanner I don t know. But before that time we shall be ready with the money. And even if we were not, it would be bad fortune to find so merciless a creditor in his successor. We may sleep tonight with light hearts, Caroline! Scrooge Let me see some tenderness connected with a death, Spirit, or the scene just played will be for ever with me. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come beckons to him, and they move to the Cratchits house JOS Page 33

34 Act II Scene 2 Bah Humbug Song 9 part 3 (echoing) Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Verse Chorus Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit s son, In-poverty his fate was sown, See his house when he is gone, Follow Christmas Yet to Come. Follow where the finger shows, (etc) Everyone in the house is very quiet. Peter holds a book. Mother and daughters are engaged in sewing. Peter (Reading from the book) And He took a child, and set him in the midst of them. Mrs Cratchit (Laying her work down) I must stop this work. The colour hurts my eyes. (She rubs her eyes) That s better. It makes them weak by candle-light; and I wouldn t want to show weak eyes to your father when he comes home. It must be near his time. Peter Past it rather. But I think he has walked a little slower than he used to these last few evenings, mother. Mrs Cratchit I have known him walk with I have known him walk with Tiny Tim upon his shoulder, very fast indeed. Peter And so have I, often. Young Cratchit And so have I! Another Young Cratchit And so have I! Mrs Cratchit But he was very light to carry, and his father loved him so that it was no trouble: no trouble. And now, here is your father at the door! She goes to meet Bob. The Young Cratchits run and cling to him. Mrs Cratchit You went today, then, Robert? Bob Yes, my dear. I wish you could have gone. It would have done you good to see how green a place it is. But you ll see it often. I promised him that I would walk there on a Sunday. My little, little child! (He Page JOS

35 Bah Humbug Act II Scene 2 breaks down) My little child! I know, my dears, that when we recollect how patient and how mild he was; although he was just a little child; we ll not quarrel easily among ourselves and forget poor Tiny Tim in doing it. Mrs Cratchit and his daughters kiss him, and Peter shakes hands Scrooge Spectre, something tells me that our parting moment is at hand. I know it, though I do not know how. But before we part, tell me, who was the man whom everybody said had died? The Ghost points in another direction Scrooge This court is where my place of occupation is, and has been for a length of time. I see the house. Let me behold what I shall be, in days to come! But the Ghost is pointing elsewhere to a graveyard The house is over there. Why do you point away? A graveyard! The Ghost moves among the graves and points to one Before I draw nearer to that stone, answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only? Song 9 part 4 Still the Ghost points to the grave by which it stands (echoing) Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Scrooge! Verse Chorus On the stone your name is clear, With the day, the month, the year When finally your race is run, Here with Christmas Yet to Come. Follow where the finger shows, (etc) Scrooge creeps towards it, trembling, and follows the finger. We see written on the stone EBENEZER SCROOGE. Scrooge drops to his knees. Am I that man? No, Spirit! No, no! Hear me! I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been. Why show me this, if I am past all hope! 2016 JOS Page 35