And a special add-in: What did the bra say to the top hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift!
|
|
- Malcolm Bradford
- 6 years ago
- Views:
Transcription
1 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 1 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I observed an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a lowly bootlegger, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies beside a road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms were in a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack. One said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head." 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass". 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got their first taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. 21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane. The stewardess told him, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger. 22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 23. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replied, "Yes, I'm positive. 24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 25. Then...There was the person who sent ten puns to their friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. And a special add-in: What did the bra say to the top hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift! And what about the newspaper advertisement: For sale, Alsatian puppy. Eats anything, loves children. 52 diversions AUTUMN 2018
2 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 2 53 diversions AUTUMN 2018
3 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 3 WHERE DID THE INSPIRATION COME FROM? 54 diversions AUTUMN 2018
4 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 4 55 diversions AUTUMN 2018
5 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 5 An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look... and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could along the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him... He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer... and then... He tripped and fell. Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him... reaching towards him with its left paw... and raising the right paw to strike... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped... The bear froze... The forest was silent... A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky... "You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident... Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?" "Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light... "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now... but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"... a pause... "Very well," said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed... And the bear dropped his right arm... brought both paws together... bowed his head & spoke... "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive! 56 diversions AUTUMN 2018
6 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 6 When the F word truly was acceptable There are only 11 times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use 11. "What do you mean, we are sinking?" - Capt. EJ. Smith of RMS Titanic, "What was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, "Where did all Indians come from?" - George Custer, idiot could understand that." - Albert Einstein, "It does look like her!" - Picasso, "How did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. "You want WHAT on ceiling?" - Michelangelo, "Where are we?" - Amelia Earhart, showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 2. "Aw c mon Monica. Who is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, "There is way Trump will ever become President" - Hilary Clinton 2016 Sherlock Holmes Holmes and Watson went to sleep after a long day s camping. Hours later Holmes woke his friend. Watson, look at the sky. What do you see? I see millions of stars. What does that tell you? Astronomically, I observe Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce the time is 3:15am. Theologically, I see God is all powerful. What does it tell you? Holmes replied Watson, it tells me someone has stolen our tent! 57 diversions AUTUMN 2018
7 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 7 58 diversions AUTUMN 2018
8 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 8 59 diversions AUTUMN 2018
9 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page 9 Elizabeth Taylor Amelia Earhart Albert Einstein Vincent van Gogh Sophia Loren Alfred Hitchcock, 1920 s Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow Paul Newman John Wayne 60 diversions AUTUMN 2018
10 Humerus:Div 2018/03/21 9:06 AM Page Pharmacist to a customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription...simply showing your marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough." 2. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman "Which book has helped you most in your life?" The woman replied "My husband s cheque book!" 3. A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a book called, "Husband: the Master of the House"? Sales Girl: Certainly Sir, you'll find it under 'Fiction and Comics on the 1st floor! 4. Someone asked an old man: Even after 70 years, you still call your wife darling, honey, luv... What s the secret?" Old man: "I forgot her name and I m scared to ask her." 5. Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I d be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper...so I could have a new one every day! 6. Husband to wife: Today is a fine day. Next day he says: Today is a fine day. Again, the next day, he says the same thing: Today is a fine day. Finally, after a week, the wife can t take it and asks her husband "Since last week, you have been saying, 'Today is a fine day. I am fed up. What s the matter?" Husband: "Last week when we had an argument, you said, 'I will leave you one fine day I was just trying to make sure you remembered." 7. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure that either the car is new, or the wife. 8. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant; Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant; Panic is when both are pregnant! 9. A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that is confidential!" 61 diversions AUTUMN 2018
Ulysses East London Newsletter May 2017
Ulysses East London Newsletter May 2017 Hi All Another busy month with rallies and the likes. Notably Africa Bike Week, Bulldog Rally and our National Rally. Plus a busy weekend ahead see the last article
More informationThe Grapevine SEAMER & TAME BRIDGE MAGAZINE. No December January 2016
The Grapevine SEAMER & TAME BRIDGE MAGAZINE No. 136. December 2015 - January 2016 1 2 EDITOR S NOTES What a wonderfully warm November we have had and the events we have had held (including cleaning the
More informationNews n Views January February 2018
FALL AND WINTER HOURS AT SENIORS S5 THE RECEPTION DESK WILL BE STAFFED MONDAY TO FRIDAY 10:00 to 3:00 Lunch Thursday lunches Cost is $6. come at 11:45 for a cup of coffee SALT SPRING SENIORS MISSION STATEMENT
More informationTwentieth Sunday of Ordinary Time A Lessons from a Canaanite Woman
Twentieth Sunday of Ordinary Time A Lessons from a Canaanite Woman Fr. Frank Schuster I think it s time to share with you again a couple of my favorite atheists. Sigmund Freud and Ludwig Feuerbach were
More informationAtheism: A Blessing? John 3:1-8
Warren McDougall Richmond Hill United Church January 17/10 Atheism: A Blessing? John 3:1-8 An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!,
More informationaction movie. I got the feeling that he was not at my home for a friendly visit. He was standing in the cold, rubbing his hands together waiting for
WHY ME? HAL AMES It was 8:00 am, and I was sitting at my desk doing the things I do in the morning. I read my messages in my e-mail, and I read the newspaper to see if there were any new interesting stories.
More informationGod rescued Moses. God parted the sea so his people could escape. God gave special bread to. feed his people. God sent Moses to rescue.
God parted the sea so his people could escape God sent Moses to rescue his people God rescued Moses God sent birds to feed his people God gave his people water from a rock God gave special bread to feed
More informationRESURRECTION News Newsletter for Resurrection United Methodist Church Eastwood Cutoff Rd. Louisville, KY OCT/NOV 2012
RESURRECTION News Newsletter for Resurrection United Methodist Church 16320 Eastwood Cutoff Rd. Louisville, KY 40245 OCT/NOV 2012 GLEANINGS from Sandra Wayne Sayer, pastor of First UMC Frankfort, was at
More informationStudy of 2 Peter 4/22/ Peter 3:1-2. Don t Be Lazy/Lax Learn and Lean on the Lockbox of Scripture
Study of 2 Peter 4/22/2018 2 Peter 3:1-2 Don t Be Lazy/Lax Learn and Lean on the Lockbox of Scripture HOLINESS: Cultivate Spiritual Growth: 2 Peter 1 Spiritual Offense Grow Spiritually and Express Godly
More informationST MATTHEW S GRAPEVINE
ST MATTHEW S GRAPEVINE PARISH OF ALBURY In the heart of Albury Welcomes all people JULY 2016 -- Page Fr Peter writes : Dear People of St Matthew s God gives us a future, daring us to go into dreams and
More informationCharacter Education Lessons
Character Education Lessons Carl Sommer 13. No One Will Ever Know about the book Teased by their friends that "No one will ever know," Johnny and Janie squirrel ignore their parents' warnings about the
More informationBERNIE: Oh God, Gail. I think I want to throw up just thinking about all
Brain to brain interview on August 13, 2016 with Bernie Sanders about living on Church of Gail: GAIL: Bernie, I forgot to ask you what is happening to your new home, now that you and your family are now
More informationNo One Will Ever Know
Carl Sommer No One Will Ever Know Summary Teased by their friends that "No one will ever know," Johnnie and Janie squirrel ignore their parents' warnings about the big, bad wolf. Wanting big, delicious
More informationAdvent series of sermons on the theme of of who will rescue us? And today we
Matthew 1:18-25 The Rescue Rescued from What? 1 Rev. Brian North December 6 th, 2015 This morning we continue our Advent series of sermons on the theme of Rescue, which we began last week, when we looked
More informationHomework Sept. Week 4
Name: Immersion: Homework Sept. Week 4 Directions: Read the text one time without stopping. Read it a second time and annotate it. Circle words you don t know the meaning of. Put a question mark next to
More informationFaithfulness Sticks Tight
Copyright 2016 by Elizabeth L. Hamilton All Rights Reserved. Faithfulness Lesson 2 of 4 Faithfulness Sticks Tight (Faithfulness sticks tight to relationships involving commitments, even when it demands
More informationChapter one. The Sultan and Sheherezade
Chapter one The Sultan and Sheherezade Sultan Shahriar had a beautiful wife. She was his only wife and he loved her more than anything in the world. But the sultan's wife took other men as lovers. One
More informationROBBY: That's right. SID: Tell me about that.
1 Is there a supernatural dimension, a world beyond the one we know? Is there life after death? Do angels exist? Can our dreams contain messages from Heaven? Can we tap into ancient secrets of the supernatural?
More informationElaina and the Elephant
Elaina and the Elephant Table of Contents 1. Surprise Visitor 2. Trouble 3. The Secret Is Out 4. No School 5. The House 6. The Friends See George for the First Time 7. The House Again 8. Trees Falling
More informationAn Angel Frees Peter From Jail Acts 12:1-18
Session 9 An Angel Frees Peter From Jail Acts 12:1-18 Worship Theme: God sends angels. Weaving Faith Into Life: Children will praise God for sending angels. Session Sequence What Children Will Do Supplies
More informationDevotion Guide for Coaches
Devotion Guide for Coaches OVERVIEW We have an opponent who is out to win. We can t see him, but we know he is real by the frustration and harm he brings. Fortunately, God is always on our side. He gives
More informationLessons for the Leader. People Prayed for Peter
Week of August 25, 2013 Lessons for the Leader How do you react when God answers a specific prayer request? Do you attribute the outcome to something other than God? In Acts 12 we learn what happened when
More informationBible Lesson # 8 4. Then God said "I will bless Sarah and will give you a son by her. I will bless her and she will
1. Gen.15-16 Abram has come home from his battle with the kings who had taken Lot and his family captive. Abram's neighbors who went with him were given some of the riches and spoil but Abram just quietly
More informationran but the bear kept getting closer. At last the on top of him, getting ready to swat him
Psalm 19:1-4a Believe God Fully Revealed 1 Rev. Brian North September 9 th, 2018 This morning we begin a brand new series of messages titled, Believe. This series is going to revolve around the idea of
More informationSermon for April 12, 2015 (2 Pascha, Year B) Offered by Nathan Ferrell at The Episcopal Church of Saint Mary
Sermon for April 12, 2015 (2 Pascha, Year B) Offered by Nathan Ferrell at The Episcopal Church of Saint Mary Texts: 1 John 1:1-2:2; Psalm 133; John 20:19-31 Title: Good News Worth a Laugh Seeing is believing,
More informationGod has always protected and had his angels looking out for me. There have been
Part XVII CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TESTIMONIES OF GOD S PROTECTION God has always protected and had his angels looking out for me. There have been times that the devil would have loved to destroy my loved ones
More informationInto Orbit Propaganda Child Look Up, I'm Down There Sunset Devastation Open With Caution Furious Numbers...
Into Orbit... 01 Titânes... 02 Propaganda Child... 03 Blind Eye... 04 Pandora... 05 Look Up, I'm Down There... 06 Volcano... 07 Sunset Devastation... 08 Open With Caution... 09 Furious Numbers... 10 Exile...
More informationChapter one. The Story of Uncle Elias
Chapter one The Story of Uncle Elias In September 1887 my wife was visiting some of her family, so I was staying with my old friend Sherlock Holmes in Baker Street. It was a windy, stormy evening, and
More informationBIBLE FUN ACTIVITIES UNIT 1. SESSION 1 BONUS TEACHING HOUR SNACK MOVE TO GROUP TIME TALK ABOUT THE BIBLE STORY. Hoping. Thank you for serving!
BONUS TEACHING HOUR for 3s Pre-K UNIT 1. SESSION 1 Room Your teaching partner(s) Thank you for serving! DATE OF USE Hoping Matthew 14:22-33 LIFE POINT People need Jesus. CHRIST FOCUS Jesus has the answers
More informationA Christmas To Remember
by Bill Price What Who When Wear (Props) These are monologues delivered separately by each character. Appropriate for preparation for the Christmas season. Themes: Christmas, Angels, Mary, Joseph, Shepherds
More informationDiocese of South-West America Sunday School. Kindergarten Jesus Loves Me
Diocese of South-West America Sunday School Kindergarten Jesus Loves Me Table of Contents Lessons 1-8 (before Dec/Jan) Lessons 9-15 (before May/June) There are no written examinations at this level LESSON
More informationI Will Follow Jesus Bible Storybook By Judah and Chelsea Smith
I Will Follow Jesus Bible Storybook By Judah and Chelsea Smith Bestselling author and influential pastor Judah Smith is first of all a dad. Judah and his wife, Chelsea, want their children to learn what
More informationCh01. Knowledge. What does it mean to know something? and how can science help us know things? version 1.5
Ch01 Knowledge What does it mean to know something? and how can science help us know things? version 1.5 Nick DeMello, PhD. 2007-2016 Ch01 Knowledge Knowledge Imagination Truth & Belief Justification Science
More informationNoah Obeys God. TOPICS Animals, Noah, Obedience. AS KIDS ARRIVE (10 minutes) Noah Builds the Ark (Coloring Page) page 7
Noah Obeys God In this Sunday school lesson, the children learn about Noah and the ark he built according to God's instructions. The children also learn that it is very important to obey God in all things.
More informationApril 24, 2016 Obadiah No Innocent Bystanders. At approximately 3:20 on the morning of March 13, 1964, twenty-eight-year-old Kitty
April 24, 2016 Obadiah No Innocent Bystanders At approximately 3:20 on the morning of March 13, 1964, twenty-eight-year-old Kitty Genovese was returning to her home in a nice, middle-class area of Queens,
More informationThe Murders in the Rue Morgue
E d g a r A l l a n P o e The Murders in the Rue Morgue Part Three It Was in Paris that I met August Dupin. He was an unusually interesting young man with a busy, forceful mind. This mind could, it seemed,
More informationLessons for the Leader. Peter Was Rescued
Week of July 29, 2012 Lessons for the Leader Four squads of four men (16 men) guarding one man seems quite excessive even in today's day and age. Seeing this entourage, a simple bystander would probably
More informationCHAPTER 9 The final answer
CHAPTER 9 The final answer Jamal had become big news. As evening arrived, a large crowd had appeared outside the police station. A TV reporter was talking straight to camera. Behind these walls lies the
More informationHell is Real, I went there!
Hell is Real, I went there! by Jennifer Perez The testimony of a 15 year old girl who was raised in a Christian home. She later backslid in her walk, found herself overdosing on drugs, dieing, and being
More informationInterviewing an Earthbound Spirit 18 November 2017
Interviewing an Earthbound Spirit 18 November 2017 A reader mentions a spirit believed to be George Michael. Since Mr. Michael is no longer and his soul was already interviewed, I won't ask "him" back
More informationWhen all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak. (Here are his words that night.)
This is a true story... Each year I am hired to go to Washington, DC, with the eighth grade class from Clinton, WI where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation's capitol,
More informationIt's her birthday. Alright Margaret, what were you telling me? D. Margaret, what are you doing? What is it that you are doing?
RG-50.751*0030 Margaret Lehner in Lenzing, Austria March 11, 1994 Diana Plotkin (D) It's her birthday. Alright Margaret, what were you telling me? Margaret Lehner (M) This is also an historical date because
More informationFrankenstein. by Mary SHELLEY retold by Patrick Nobes. `Captain! Something is moving on the ice. Look over there!'
Frankenstein by Mary SHELLEY retold by Patrick Nobes 1 'Captain! Something is moving on the ice. Look over there!' The sailor stood at the top of the mast, high above the Captain. His hand pointed away
More informationAUDREY: It should not have happened, but it happened to me.
1 Is there a supernatural dimension, a world beyond the one we know? Is there life after death? Do angels exist? Can our dreams contain messages from Heaven? Can we tap into ancient secrets of the supernatural?
More informationSea, Storm, Ship By the Reverend Chuck Williamson
Sea, Storm, Ship By the Reverend Chuck Williamson Mark 4:35-41 As I said, we are building our worship service around this passage in the gospel of Mark which tells of Jesus s stilling the storm. So you
More informationSamson, A Strong Man Against the Philistines (Judges 13-16) By Joelee Chamberlain
1 Samson, A Strong Man Against the Philistines (Judges 13-16) By Joelee Chamberlain When you think of strong men in the Bible, who do you think of? Why Samson, of course! Now, I've talked about Samson
More informationJesus Is the Way. April 29, The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in. truth. Psalm 145:18
April 29, 2018 Jesus Is the Way DATE PONDER POINT The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 145:18 Acts 8 Philip and the Ethiopian Man THE BIG GOD STORY REMEMBER VERSE
More informationGOD TALKS: MOTHER MARY.
GOD TALKS: MOTHER MARY. A story sermon written and told by Rev. Steven Schafer at Mt. Hope on June 8, 2014. Text: Job 38: 1-12, 40: 1-5 and John 9: 1-16. Gideon's mother, Mary, didn't believe in God. Or,
More informationPrayer Song Volume I (Copyright: Len Magee 1976)
Prayer Song Volume I (Copyright: Len Magee 1976) Blue Skies Blue skies are all around Happiness it does abound Skies of grey have blown away Jesus washed my sins away Once I was lost in sin and shame,
More informationShadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
MAKING IT CONNECT God s Story: Genesis - Revelation Lesson lesson 13 1 FALL QUARTER Tell Me A Story Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego BIBLE STORY Daniel 3:1-30 In today s lesson, children will hear the story
More informationHuh? Moses and the. Burning Bush. Forgetful Moses (Moses and the Burning Bush)
Forgetful Moses (Moses and the Burning Bush) Moses and the Burning Bush Huh? Bible Kids Fun Zone members may reproduce for offline local classroom use. Copyright Bible Kids Fun Zone 2014. Moses and the
More informationSTOP THE SUN. Gary Paulsen
STOP THE SUN Gary Paulsen Terry Erickson was a tall boy; 13, starting to fill out with muscle but still a little awkward. He was on the edge of being a good athlete, which meant a lot to him. He felt it
More informationA Letter for Adam CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER ONE A Letter for Adam One day a postman came to my village. The postman brought me a letter from my son, Saul. 'Is your name Adam?' the postman asked. 'Yes,' I said. 'I've got a letter for you.'
More informationFaithful Father Abraham
1 Faithful Father Abraham by Joelee Chamberlain A while back we talked about the book of Genesis, the book of beginnings, didn't we? We talked about how God created everything and about Adam and Eve and
More informationLESSON 1 PAUL & SILAS IN PRISON
LESSON 1 PAUL & SILAS IN PRISON Bible Reference: Acts 16:19-34 Key Verse: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in everything, for this is God s will for you in Christ Jesus. OVERVIEW - Bible Story - Key Verse
More informationNORMALCY A TEN MINUTE MONOLOGUE. By Bobby Keniston
A TEN MINUTE MONOLOGUE By Bobby Keniston Copyright MMXIII by Bobby Keniston All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC in association with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC ISBN: 978-1-60003-727-6 Professionals and
More informationBack to Beginning Back one Page. Forward one Page. To End
LIFESigns VOLUME 5 I ISSUE 2 MAGAZINE 11 18 Join the Air Force P.11 Repentance and salvation come in massive numbers, strongholds of darkness are exposed and expelled, and even the lost feel a restraint
More informationINFORMANT'S ADDRESS: WALLACEBURG, ONTARIO ARCHIVES OF ONTARIO DISK: TRANSCRIPT DISC #127 PAGES: 13 THIS RECORDING IS UNRESTRICTED.
DOCUMENT NAME/INFORMANT: HARRY D. WILLIAMS INFORMANT'S ADDRESS: R.R.#3 WALLACEBURG, ONTARIO INTERVIEW LOCATION: WALPOLE ISLAND ONTARIO TRIBE/NATION: LANGUAGE: ENGLISH DATE OF INTERVIEW: 01/28/78 INTERVIEWER:
More informationThe Apostle Paul, Part 6 of 6: From a Jerusalem Riot to Prison in Rome!
1 The Apostle Paul, Part 6 of 6: From a Jerusalem Riot to Prison in Rome! By Joelee Chamberlain Well, we've had some exciting talks about the life of the apostle Paul, haven't we?! How he was miraculously
More informationMessage Experiencing Jesus 03/23/2014
Message Experiencing Jesus 03/23/2014 DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PRAY? I heard a story of a ship that was sinking in the middle of a storm, and the captain called out to the crew and said, "Does anyone here know
More informationIdeological opponents of Brejvik. Jacob Greenberg
Ideological opponents of Brejvik by Jacob Greenberg 1 FADE IN: EXT. STREET DAY There is a quiet suburban street in a European city. Beautiful, well-kept private houses, flower beds with flowers and neatly
More informationLESSON TITLE: The Healing of the Centurion s Servant
Devotion NT229 CHILDREN S DEVOTIONS FOR THE WEEK OF: LESSON TITLE: The Healing of the Centurion s Servant THEME: Jesus has absolute authority. SCRIPTURE: Luke 7:1-10 Dear Parents Welcome to Bible Time
More informationGod hears us when we pray.
Praise Jesus! Samson Asks God to Restore His Strength Lesson 11 Bible Point God hears us when we pray. Bible Verse The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results
More informationLiterature through Art
Literature through Art Student Tour Booklet Penelope Bronze sculpture From The Odyssey by Homer Penelope waited patiently for over 20 years for her husband, King Odysseus, to return from the Trojan War.
More informationPoems and Readings dedicated to Husbands, Fathers, Sons and Grandfathers
Five Minutes If I only had five minutes the day you passed away, I would have had time to tell you all the things I needed to say. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me, Or that you were the
More informationcomfortable. It was like I forgot what I was there for!
April 2016 For my adventure this month, I decided to venture out of this world, a place actually deep within our mind and spirit. I decided to travel to the other side, beyond the stars. But I couldn t
More informationAppendix C: The Story of Jumping Mouse. Appendix C. The Story of Jumping Mouse 1
Appendix C The Story of Jumping Mouse 1 There was once a mouse. He was a busy mouse, searching everywhere, touching his whiskers to the grass, and looking. He was busy as all mice are, busy with mice things.
More informationJesus Is The Way. July 10, Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13. Acts 8 (Philip and the Ethiopian Man)
July 10, 2016 Jesus Is The Way DATE PONDER POINT Acts 8 (Philip and the Ethiopian Man) Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13 THE BIG GOD STORY REMEMBER VERSE Worship &
More informationMY NAME IS AB-DU NESA
MY NAME IS AB-DU NESA My name is Ab-Du Nesa and this is my story. When I was six years old, I was living in the northern part of Africa. My father had gone to war and had not returned. My family was hungry
More informationA Stone Is A Strange Thing
A Stone Is A Strange Thing A story about Ebola, grief and loss and how friends can help A Children for Health book Writing team: Clare Hanbury and Anise Waljee Editor: Tobias Hanbury Illustrator: David
More informationOral History Report: William Davis
Southern Adventist Univeristy KnowledgeExchange@Southern World War II Oral History Fall 11-2016 Oral History Report: William Davis Taylor M. Adams Southern Adventist University, tayloradams@southern.edu
More informationChapter 22 - The Revolution Begins
Chapter 22 - The Revolution Begins The following evening, Shane and Katie met with Fr. O Malley to discuss their own wedding plans. This time they were seated around Fr. O Malley s desk. The ever present
More informationCHAPTER ONE - Scrooge
CHAPTER ONE - Scrooge Marley was dead. That was certain because there were people at his funeral. Scrooge was there too. He and Marley were business partners, and he was Marley's only friend. But Scrooge
More informationHis Story by Carrie Varnell
His Story by Carrie Varnell What Who When Wear (Props) A simple and fun way to tell the story of the night Christ was born. Themes: Christmas, Emmanuel, God With Us, Incarnation One- Narrator; female Two-
More informationJesus Calms A Storm Matthew 8:23-27
Lesson 233 Jesus Calms A Storm Matthew 8:23-27 MEMORY VERSE PS ALM 107:28-30 Then they c ry out to the LORD in their trouble, And He brings them out of their distresses. He calm s the storm, S o that its
More informationUnit 2. Spelling Most Common Words Root Words. Student Page. Most Common Words
1. the 2. of 3. and 4. a 5. to 6. in 7. is 8. you 9. that 10. it 11. he 12. for 13. was 14. on 15. are 16. as 17. with 18. his 19. they 20. at 21. be 22. this 23. from 24. I 25. have 26. or 27. by 28.
More informationWe have all seen them especially in the past few years. As we drive down the road,
Romans 12: 1-2 5-6-18 Melissa Maltman We have all seen them especially in the past few years. As we drive down the road, they're as plain as day. I am not always sure who the source is, but they are certainly
More informationNATIONAL COMMUNITY CHURCH July 15, 2018 Crossing Culture Won t You Be My Neighbor Marion Mason
NATIONAL COMMUNITY CHURCH July 15, 2018 Crossing Culture Won t You Be My Neighbor Marion Mason Welcome again to National Community Church and welcome to all of our campuses and those that are on podcast
More informationGulliver s Travels. Introduction. PART 1 A JOURNEY TO LILLIPUT Chapter 1 I Come to Lilliput
Gulliver s Travels Introduction Then something moved on my foot. It moved over my body and up to my face. I looked down and I saw a man. He was smaller than my hand. Forty more little men followed him.
More information9 Pentecost C 2013; Luke 10:38-42 July 21, 2013 Cross and Crown Lutheran Church Simon does not Say
1 When I was a kid one Christmas my aunt Ceil 9 Pentecost C 2013; Luke 10:38-42 July 21, 2013 Cross and Crown Lutheran Church Simon does not Say brought us the hottest electronic game there was or at least
More informationFrom Grief to Grace Program No SPEAKER: JOHN BRADSHAW
It Is Written Script: 1215 From Grief to Grace Page 1 From Grief to Grace Program No. 1215 SPEAKER: JOHN BRADSHAW JOHN: You ve heard the Bible stories of people like Job who had everything a man could
More informationPoPE Newsletter is published monthly by
PoPE Newsletter is published monthly by Prince of Peace Ev. Lutheran Church 3355 Medina Rd Medina, OH 44256 Phone: 330-723-8293 Fax: 330-721-6844 Email: adminpope@zoominternet.net Web site: www.popelutheran.org
More informationKatieMae Illustrated by Andrew Denn
KatieMae Illustrated by Andrew Denn Copyright 2018 by Kathi Denn All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,
More informationOsceola Sermon Christmas December 20 th, 2009 By Pastor Bob Vale
Osceola Sermon Christmas December 20 th, 2009 By Pastor Bob Vale Biblical Focus: John 1:14 JN 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and
More informationDSN Rick Pina
Living By Faith (Lesson 12) Growing with Gideon Ricardo Rick Pina Victory Gospel Experience (VGE), Camp Victory, Iraq Wednesday Night, 5:30pm (April 8 th, 2009) Introduction: Judges 6 opens with the Israelites
More information101 INSPIRING QUOTES CHOSEN JUST FOR YOU
101 INSPIRING QUOTES CHOSEN JUST FOR YOU "The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it s open. "Focus on the activities you do brilliantly" "We all struggle with something and we can all be amazing
More informationI Can Do All Things Through Christ Philippians 4 Wayne Eberly October 15, 2017
I Can Do All Things Through Christ Philippians 4 Wayne Eberly October 15, 2017 I was sitting in the living room of my parents house in my little hometown of Hanford, California. It was the last Christmas
More informationADAM Jake?? I almost punched you straight in the face! what are you doing in my apartment?
INT. BEDROOM is laying on his bed dreaming about a girl. She is 15 years old with long brown hair. He has been having these dreams every night. He is abruptly woken up by a sound from the kitchen. sits
More informationPhilip, Deacon and Evangelist (Acts 6:1-8; 8; 21:8) By Joelee Chamberlain
1 Philip, Deacon and Evangelist (Acts 6:1-8; 8; 21:8) By Joelee Chamberlain Today I thought I'd tell you about a man named Philip. Would you like that? Now, the Bible tells us about two good men named
More informationCAPITAL BIBLE CHURCH July 12, God s Answer for Dark Valleys Stress busters - Part 5 Psalm 23:4
CAPITAL BIBLE CHURCH July 12, 2009 SERMON NOTES PASTOR BILL HAKEN God s Answer for Dark Valleys Stress busters - Part 5 Psalm 23:4 Intro: There is an old Arab parable that says: All sunshine and no rain
More informationFinding Sanctuary in Nature. all the freedom in the world. We ate things we weren t supposed to, constantly got our hands
Danielle Blumstein FW 101L December 2, 2014 Rachana Rajendra Essay Finding Sanctuary in Nature When we were kids we learned firsthand. We were on a short leash but it felt like we had all the freedom in
More informationNOAH S ARC. mm pesola
S ARC By mm pesola Copyright (c) 2014 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author. mm pesola 328 9th St. So. Virginia, MN 55792 pesola@earthlink.net
More informationFinal Draft 7 Demo. Final Draft 7 Demo. Final Draft 7 Demo
(Name of Project) by (Name of First Writer) (Based on, If Any) Revisions by (Names of Subsequent Writers, in Order of Work Performed) Current Revisions by (Current Writer, date) Name (of company, if applicable)
More informationSummer Camp. By Aurora S.
Summer Camp By Aurora S. The bus was sweltering, and my face turned pink. The driver turned up the temperature so much it felt like a desert. I rustled through my backpack to see if I could find if my
More information2014 학년도대학수학능력시험예비시행 영어영역듣기평가대본 (A 형 )
2014 학년도대학수학능력시험예비시행 영어영역듣기평가대본 (A 형 ) 1. 대화를듣고, 여자의마지막말에대한남자의응답으로가장적절한것을고르시오. W: Excuse me, how can I get to the World Cup Stadium? M: I think you d better take a bus. W: Which bus should I take, then?
More informationRacing the Great Bear Retold by Joseph Bruchac
Racing the Great Bear Retold by Joseph Bruchac NE ONENDJI. Hear my story, which happened long ago. For many generations, the five nations of the Haudenosaunee, the People of the Longhouse, had been at
More informationfor 3s Pre-K puzzles dress-up clothes Bible small suitcase crayons paper paper plates paper black paper crayons markers watercolors
BONUS TEACHING HOUR for 3s Pre-K Unit 2. It's Not Always Easy to... COORDINATOR S PAGE Session 1 Session 2 Session 3 Hope Go TRUST VOLUNTEERS WIll NEED beanbag play dough blocks paper markers puzzles blindfolds
More informationHow does the Apostle Paul start this section?
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh
More informationCAN WE MAKE IT TO HEAVEN 2001 By Mark Beaird
CAN WE MAKE IT TO HEAVEN 2001 By Mark Beaird Text: Matthew 7:13-14 One morning, my 4-year-old son, Kevin, and his grandpa went out to buy donuts. On the way, Grandpa turned to Kevin and asked, "Which way
More information"I won't! I won't go home! You can't make me!" Jonas sobbed and shouted and pounded the bed with his fists.
20 "I won't! I won't go home! You can't make me!" Jonas sobbed and shouted and pounded the bed with his fists. "Sit up, Jonas," The Giver told him firmly. Jonas obeyed him. Weeping, shuddering, he sat
More information