LOVING MY WIFE HOW SHOULD A HUSBAND LOVE AND PRAY FOR HIS WIFE?

Transcription

1 LOVING MY WIFE HOW SHOULD A HUSBAND LOVE AND PRAY FOR HIS WIFE? Insights from Scripture

2 Written by: Ronald Halbrooks, M.D. Elder First Baptist Church of Durham, NC Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version ), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. 2

3 Author s Preface Most all societies, religions and cultures would agree that marriage between a man and a woman is good and important for many reasons. Further, they would probably all agree that the keeping of marriages together is a challenge, again for many reasons. Christians believe that the Bible, which is God s Word to mankind, has spoken specifically to us about marriage. The Bible speaks of marriage as a vital human relationship for society, child raising and the advancement of God s purposes here on earth. Most of the ideas and thoughts are packaged to help husbands and wives love each other more and have that love be a reflection of the love Jesus has for his church. The apostle Paul wrote, within the content of the Bible, a passage within a larger book to a church in Ephesus, a part of modern day Turkey, around 62 AD telling us about how the marriage relationship can work, and work well. This passage (Ephesians 5:22-35) has two components, addressing first wives (v ) and second husbands (v ). This is the longest section in the Bible addressing husbands in marriage. This booklet has divided this passage (Ephesians 5:25-35) into three parts: first, What the husband does for his wife in a general introduction; second, What the wife becomes as a result of what the husband does for his wife; third, What the husband does for his wife. This part is more specific than part one. Below each of the three main topics are detailed sections. Part one has three sections, and parts two and three have eight sections each. Within each section are passages from the Bible, which help provide clarity to the meaning of the passage. So how can meditation on this passage about marriage be used? First, the main purpose of this booklet is to encourage husbands to use this as a guide to pray for their wives, which hopefully should help them develop a right and correct love for their wives. Second, one can simply read it and glean a clearer and deeper understanding to the passage on marriage. Third, as a result of reading this, one can do a broader study on marriage in the Bible. Fourth, one can memorize and meditate on the passage. The assumption that a man and a woman normally know how to love has some truth but it also has potential limitations. In one sense it is probably no more true than a normal person knows how to treat diabetes or build a bridge or parent their children. Loving in marriage is a skill to learn and like any exercise makes the end goal more easy to obtain. The goal here is 3

4 a happy and loving marriage, which honors God and allows a married couple to really enjoy being with one another. A beautiful marriage has been compared to a beautiful piece of art and it takes that level of skill to make it work. Teenagers, young adults, college students, singles, both male and female should also consider reading this to gain some insights into what kind of person they should marry. Someone they are considering marrying should at least have a bent to wanting these values in their potential spouse. Finally, parents (both mothers and fathers) can read this to their younger children and teenagers, giving them insights into what the Bible says about their marriage relationship. These same parents can also use this as a prayer guide as they pray for their children and grandchildren in relation to their marriages. It is hard to imagine that a husband who has the sacrificial attitude to become as this passage says he should be and who prays for his wife cannot help but to have a stronger, happier, and more God honoring marriage. Solo Deo Gloria. To God be the Glory. 4

5 Part One: What the Husband Does for His Wife EPHESIANS 5:25 HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER Love Your Wife The declaration that husbands should do this (love your wife) is not just an optional exercise, but a mandate. I Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. This passage is a list of what is love and what isn t; what it does and doesn t do. Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. This details specific virtues and values that love does, is, and has. As Christ Loved the Church The love Jesus Christ had was totally sacrificial, and he gave up everything for the church. This was a totally selfless love and a love the husband should have for his wife. Ephesians 1:3-23 Th is s hows G od s all-encompass ing love of His Son, Jesu s C h ris t, a nd la ter in us total sac rific e. This is the love a hus ba nd is to ha ve for his wife. Eph es ia ns 3:20-21 Now to him who is a ble to do far more a bundant ly t ha n all that we as k or think, according to the power at work wit hin us, to him be glory in the church a nd in Christ 5

6 Jes us thr oughout all generat ions, forever a nd ever. Amen. Th is passage s hows how, through Jesus C hrist, we ha ve th e abil ity and power to love our wives as Christ loved th e chu rch. Gave Himself Up For Her Phil ippia ns 2:5-11 Th is is possibl y the bes t passage in the whol e of the Bibl e detaili ng out the exa mpl e of sacrific e by Jesus Christ for us. As suc h, this is a good exa mpl e for hus ba nds as how to sac rific e for their wives. 6

7 Part Two: What the Wife Becomes EPHESIANS 5:26-27 THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY HER, HAVING CLEANSED HER BY THE WASHING OF WATER WITH THE WORD, SO THAT HE MIGHT PRESENT THE CHURCH TO HIMSELF IN SPLENDOR, WITHOUT SPOT OR WRINKLE OR ANY SUCH THING, THAT SHE MIGHT BE HOLY AND WITHOUT BLEMISH. To Make Her Holy Holy mea ns to be distinct from a worl d tha t is sel fis h a nd s elfabs orbed. A hu s band who l oves his wife, l ik e Christ l oves the church a nd sac rific ially gives up for her, hel ps his wife be hol y to God a nd dis tinc t from the s el fis hnes s of the world by his acts. Th e s u bs equent seven points show how this hol iness evolves. A h us ba nd should both model a nd pra y for this value of holiness for his wife. Leviticus 11:44-45 For I a m t he LO RD your God. Cons ecra te yourselves ther efor e, a nd be holy, for I a m holy. You s hall not defile your selves with a ny s warming t hing t hat cra wls on t he gr ound. F or I a m t he LO RD who brought you up out of t he la nd of Egypt t o be your God. You shall t herefore be holy, for I a m holy. Th is is a founda tional vers e in the B ibl e. The c onc ept of th e h oliness of G od is a n importa nt a ttribute of G od tha t He poss ess es and wa nts us to poss ess. The foc us of the wh ol e of the book of L eviticus is hol iness in ma n s life and spec ifically, as we a re talk ing here, a bout a hus ba nd a nd wife s life together in ma rria ge. I Peter 1:15-16 But as he who ca lled you is holy, you also be holy in a ll your conduct, s ince it is writt en, Y ou sha ll be holy, for I am holy. Th es e two verses a re ta ken from L eviticus 11:44-45 and show th e N ew Tes tament emphasis on life before God, wh ich is to be hol y. 7

8 Cleansing Through th e Word The firs t clarifica tion of holines s is that it comes through God s Word, wh ich s erves as a cl ea ns er to our l ives phys ically, morally, eth ically, a nd spiritually. II Timothy 3:16-17 All Script ure is breathed out by God a nd profita ble for teaching, for reproof, for correct ion, a nd for training in righteous ness, t hat the ma n of G od may be complete, equip ped for every good work. Th is passa ge provides clarity a s to how God s Word clea ns es us. It first teaches us in G od s ways, then rebuk es, then c orrec ts, and finally trains us in how to do what is right before God. Does the hus ba nd model and pray this for his wife? Prayer: L ord, hel p me to model the us e of Sc ripture in my l ife before my wife so tha t it res ults in her holiness. Hebrews 4:12 Take ca re, brot hers, les t there be in a ny of you a n evil, unbelieving heart, lea ding y ou t o fall a wa y from the living God. Th e Word of G od here shows its a bil ity to go into our thought proc ess es a nd phys ically give life a nd hel p us to l earn to disc ern right from wrong, whic h is one aspect of h oliness. Prayer: L ord Jesus, hel p me to live out a l ife before my wife tha t shows the Scripture working to hel p me more clea rly disc ern right from wrong. Present Her to Himsel f As a R ad iant Chu rch After th e Word cl ea ns es us, we a re to pres ent our wives as radia nt to Jesu s. This would be radia nt both internally a nd externally. 8 Matthew 5:14-16 You ar e t he light of the world. A cit y s et on a hill ca nnot be hidden. Nor do peop le light a lamp and put it under a bas ket, but on a sta nd, a nd it gives light to a ll in t he

9 hous e. I n the s ame way, let your light s hine before others, so that t hey may s ee your good works a nd give glory to your F ather who is in heaven. Th e discuss ion here is a bout being the l ight of the world before peopl e so tha t they ma y s ee your good work s a nd glorify Jesus. A wife s radia nc e s hou ld be a reflec tion of God s gl ory a nd be a testimony to the worl d of a l oving, sta bl e ma rria ge. Prayer: Lord Jesus, hel p me to a ssis t my wife in bec oming this radia nt person you want her to be. Psalm 34:4-5 I sought the LO RD, a nd he a ns wered me a nd delivered me fr om a ll my fears. T hos e who look for him are ra dia nt, and their faces s ha ll never be as ha med. David, th e author here, notes tha t those who look to G od bec ome ra dia nt a nd have no sha me. This encourages hus ba nds to model a nd pray cons is tently, l ook ing to God to aid their wives to be more ra diant. Exodu s 34:29-30 When M os es ca me down from M ount Sina i, wit h t he t wo tablets of t he t est imony in his ha nd as he ca me down fr om the mounta in, M oses did not know tha t t he s kin of his fa ce s hone beca us e he ha d been talking to G od. Aaron and all the p eople of Israel sa w M oses, a nd behold, t he skin of his face shone, a nd they were a fra id t o come near him. Mos es on Mt. Sinai s poke with G od. As a res ul t he was radia nt. He was not a wa re of his radia nc e, but other s were. Th e radia nc e our wives refl ect will be real a nd seen by others. Wha t an a ns wer to the pra yers of a praying hus ba nd. II Corinth ia ns 3:7-18 Th is passa ge expands on the E xodus 34 passa ge, showing in the N ew Testa ment that ra dia nce c omes th rough Jesus Christ in our lives. The prayer is for us to be more like Jesus C hrist, to model that whic h our wives would wa nt to ha ve, a nd thus they bec ome more radia nt as we model a nd pra y for them. 9

10 With out S tain The c onc ept h ere is not to be polluted by the worl d or the sin in our l ife, which reaches to all a reas of l ife whether phys ical, emotional, or spiritual, but to be free from tha t stain of sin in our lives as much as we a re a bl e to accomplis h with the hel p of Jesus. Jeremiah 2:22 Though you wash yours elf with lye a nd us e much soap, the sta in of your guilt is st ill before me, declares the Lord God. Men a nd women ca n cl ean themselves on the outs ide s o that they shine. However, what caus es them unhappines s is the guilt they have before G od. Tha t stain is wha t needs to be cha nged. Prayer: Lord, for my wife a nd me, k eep our hearts s ta in free towa rd you. Isaiah 63:1 Who is t his who comes from Edom, in crimsoned gar ments from Bozra h, he who is sp lendid in his a pparel, mar ching in the grea tness of his st rength? It is I, spea king in right eous ness, might y to sa ve. Not all s ta ins are bad in life, espec ially the s tain w hic h can sa ve us from the wrong doings of life: the s tain of th e bl ood of Jesus Christ which forgave us our sins. Prayer: L ord Jes us, hel p me to be tha nkful for tha t salvation through your blood dail y; I pray my wife a nd I ca n k now this ever mor e cl ea rly. Or Wrinkle This word wrinkl e is from a n obsol ete G reek verb rhuo, signifying to dra w together, desc ribing the fla wl ess ness of the c ompl ete church, as the resul t of the l ove of C hris t in giving Hims el f up for it, the purpos e of pres enting i t to Hims elf thereafter. 10

11 I Peter 3:1-6 Th is does not mean that God does not like beauty, for He does, as He is the c reator of bea uty. B ut in a world that is dying, a nd beca use we live in a worl d that is in th e real m of death, physical beauty fa des, no matt er how ha rd we try, a nd does n t sa tisfy the s oul. Furth ermore, the satisfaction of the heart is from knowing Jesus. Prayer: L ord Jesus, help us to know you. L et that love and beauty sa tisfy our hea rts a nd do not l et it fade. L et my wife know of the c ompl e te joy a nd sa tisfaction in you alone. Or Any Oth er Bl emish Again, th e goal here is to be ra dia nt, or to be l ik e Jes us in contrast to th e sta ins, wrinkl es, and bl emis hes we ha ve, a nd to gain a nyth ing else which might limit ra dia nc e. Lord, hel p me to see how to hel p mys el f work out the bl emis hes i n myself in such a way th a t my wife will s ee the importa nce of el iminating those bl emis h es in her life. I Peter 1:18-19 Knowing t hat you were ra nsomed from the futile wa ys inher it ed from your forefat hers, not wit h p erisha ble things s uch as s ilver or gold, but with t he p recious blo od of C hr ist, like t hat of a la mb wit hout blemish or sp ot Being without blemish is what we wa nt to s trive for. Only Jes us was without bl emis h. Unders ta nding the blood of Jesus in our l ives (what Jes us did by dying in ou r plac e) hel ps us to move more a nd m ore each day towa rd bec oming without bl emis h. Prayer: I pra y tha t I will model this for my wife, a nd I pray tha t s he will more a nd more unders ta nd wha t being without bl emish mea ns in her l ife through Jesus. Hebrews 9:14 How much more will the blood of Christ, who t hrough t he eter na l Sp irit offered himself wit hout blemis h to God, pur ify our conscience from dea d works t o serve the living God. 11

12 Th e u nbl emished Christ all owed His bl ood to cl ea ns e ou r c onsc iences s o we may s erve God. Prayer: G od, I pra y today that my wife will be unbl emis h ed a nd that her c onscienc e will more and more bec ome cl ea ns ed so she may love You more a nd serve You better....but Hol y See Holy a bove. The s econd mention s erves to plac e emphasis on hol iness. Also, this is in contrast to having stain, wrinkl es, or oth er bl emish es. Prayer: I pra y tha t I unders ta nd tha t in poss ess ing Jesu s, You have for my wife all she needs to be holy a nd that You will also hel p me to model this for my wife. And Bl amel ess I C orinthia ns 1:8 Who will s usta in you t o t he end, guilt less in t he day of our Lor d J es us Christ. We all need strength, a s l ife ca n be a challenge a t times. To be a bl e to mak e it through l ife a nd be bla mel ess is a challenge. Prayer: Jesus, I pray for my wife, tha t You will give her strength through life each da y a nd to the end of her l ife to be blamel ess. Hel p her to enc oura ge that strengthening proc ess. Eph es ia ns 1:4 Even a s he chos e us in him before the foundat ion of t he world, t hat we should be holy a nd bla meless before him. Th is passa ge shows God s grea t l ove throughout eternity for us. He chose my wife a long time ago to be holy a nd blamel ess. It also says tha t our hope in being bla mel ess is God s work, and not so much our work. He will bring us to be a nd mak e us blamel ess. 12

13 Prayer: L ord Jesus, I prais e you tha t my wife is to be holy and bla mel ess. Hel p me to dail y encourage a nd fos ter tha t process tha t you c hoos e. Phil ippia ns 2:14-15 Do a ll things without grumbling or disp ut ing, that you ma y be bla meless a nd innocent, children of God without blemish in t he midst of a crooked a nd t wist ed generat ion, among whom you shine as lights in t he world Being without bla me is predica ted on not having a complaining a nd a rguing life. I need to model that a nd pray tha t for my wife. Prayer: L ord Jesus, I pray for mys elf a nd for my wife that I will not have a complaining and arguing spirit in all I do. I pra y that I will model this l ife before my wife. I Th essal onia ns 2:10 You are wit ness es, a nd God a lso, how holy a nd righteous and bla meless wa s our conduct t oward you believers. Paul s l ife mirrored this quality of being blamel ess. He did this by acting as a fa ther does towa rd a child. He specifically encouraged, c omforted and urged the Th essal onia ns to live a life worthy of God. Prayer: Jesus, I pray that I will enc oura ge, c omfort a nd urge my wife to live a l ife worthy of You, tha t I will do this in a way tha t is loving a nd sac rific ial a nd not being coercive. I then pray that a s a res ult, my wife will bec ome more a nd more bla mel ess in her l ife towa rd you. 13

14 Part Three: What the Husband Does for His Wife THIS FINAL SECTION SWITCHES BACK TO WHAT THE HUSBAND DOES FOR HIS WIFE. IT IS TRUE THAT TO HELP HIS WIFE BECOME AND DEVELOP ALL OF THESE ATTITUDES AND VIRTUES MENTIONED IN THE PRIOR SECTION, A HUSBAND MUST MODEL THESE SAME ATTITUDES AND VIRTUES. HOWEVER, IN THE FOLLOWING SECTION MORE PRECISION IS GIVEN AS TO WHAT THE HUSBAND SHOULD DO FOR HIS WIFE FOR HER TO BECOME MORE LIKE JESUS. Love W ife as O wn Bod y E phes ia ns 5:28a In t he sa me wa y hus ba nds s hould love t heir w ives a s their own bodies. Roma ns 6:13-14 Do not p res ent your members to s in as inst rument s for unr ighteousness, but present yourselves to G od as t hos e who have been brought from deat h t o life, and your members t o God as ins truments for righteous nes s. For s in will ha ve no dominion over you, s ince you a re not under la w but under gra ce. My physical body, as well as my emotions, thoughts, a nd spirit sh oul d be offered l ess a nd l ess to s in and more and more to G od s o that I will be a bl e to l ov e my wife more a nd more as my own body. Prayer: Jesus, help me to offer my body more and more to you as a n instrument of what is right in all that I do, wh eth er phys ical, s piritual, or emotional, and a s a resul t l ove my wife more and more. Roma ns 12:1 I appeal to you t herefore, brot hers, by t he mercies of God, to pr esent your bodies as a living sa crifice, holy a nd accepta ble t o God, which is your s pirit ual wors hip. Ou r phys ical bodies a re to be offered as l iving s acrifices to God. If this is so, I need to honor my body in a wa y, wh ich refl ec ts this sac rific e of wors hip to God with both attitu de a nd actions. I shoul d also have the sa me reverenc e of sacrific ial love for my wife (though not in th e s ens e of worship). 14

15 Prayer: Jesus, I pra y that I will l ove my w ife more a nd more in da ily sac rific es of life. I C orinthia ns 6:13-21 Th is is a n importa nt passage in the Bibl e rel ating to a ma n loving his wife a s his own body. The goal is to honor God with my body, es pec ially in the physical realm a nd pa rticula rly in th e s exual real m. How ca n I love my wife if I do not have control in that aspect of my life in thoughts, actions, a nd words? Prayer: Jes us, I pra y tha t I honor with my body, es peciall y in the s exua l realm, and as a resul t have a deeper love for my wife as I love her as my own body. Eph es ia ns 5:30 Beca us e we a re members of his body. I a nd my wife as believers in C hris t a re members of Christ s body ( Jesus C hurc h), a nd by not loving my wife as I do my body, I do a diss ervic e not onl y to her but to th e body (c hurch) as a whol e in not loving her in a correc t ma nner. Prayer: Jes us, hel p me to see tha t how I treat my wife, es peciall y in the phys ic al and s exual real m, ha ve strong implica tions for the rest of believers in the body, i.e. Jesu s ch u rch. Matthew 5:27-30 Th is passa ge helps us to s ee that phys ical involvement with another woma n ( i.e. s exual intercours e) besides my wife b efore marriage begins in the thought life. Prayer: Jesus, hel p me to have a pure thought life by being disciplined in what I s ee a nd thereby honor you and my wife (or my wife to be). He Wh o L oves His Wife L oves Sel f Ephesia ns 5:28b He who loves his wife loves hims elf. This ph rase goes back a gain to the Sec ond G rea t Comma ndment to love your neighbor as yours elf (L evitic us 19:18). However, this phrase fl ips the thought over a nd s ta rts 15

16 by saying a nd sh owing that if we love our wife, w e also show love for ou rs elves a nd thu s compl ete the loop of thought. In other words, by l oving our wife we s how a heal thy l ove for ours elves. Phil ippia ns 2:1-11 Ou r interes t should a lso be of others. Key to this passa ge is vers e four ( Let ea ch of you loo k not only t o his own interests ). The next six vers es after vers e fou r sh ow the humility Jes us had for us. He s acrificed everyth ing for us. I s hould do the sa me for my wife. Prayer: Lord, I pra y that I will both have a nd move towa rd s uch a l evel of humility a nd s ervic e in my own life toward my wife. No One Ever Hates His O wn Body E phesians 5:29a For no one ever hated his own flesh One may think th is phrase is incorrect at fac e value. However, Paul ( th e a uthor) goes on to s how tha t peopl e feed a nd ca re for th ems elves in s ome way. His point is that even in some simpl e wa y a h us ba nd would ca re for himself and thus shoul d care for his wife. 16 Roma ns 12:9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fa st to what is good. Ou r own l ove must be more tha n mere s entimental outpou rings; it must be sinc ere, real with meaning. As a res ult, good a nd bad are cl ea rer: the good we cling to and th e bad we hate, k nowing the differenc e is at times hard, but the wisdom of the sc riptures h el ps us sort this out. Prayer: Lord Jesus, I pray tha t I will hate a ny evil wh ich eith er through pride or lack of k nowl edge all ows my body to be us ed in a wa y which dis honors G od or my wife and thus love my body in a healthy way. Psalms 119:113 I ha te the double-minded, but I love your law.

17 Dou bl e- minded men do not us e their bodies rightly precis ely because they are in two minds a nd struggl e with where to go with t hes e thoughts. It is G od s word wh ich h el ps and prevents us from being l es s doubl e - minded a nd more focus ed on what is right a nd good. Prayer: Jesus, I pray that I will l ove G od s Law ( His Word) s o muc h s o tha t it will el iminate ha tred for my body in a n unheal thy way a nd thus bring honor to G od and to my wife. But He F eed s Ephesians 5:29 For no one ever hated his own fles h, but nouris hes a nd cheris hes it, just as C hr ist does the church Note that this is distinct from caring for, which is the next listed value. Th is would include physical, emotional, a nd spiritu al feeding a nd the time a nd res pons ibility needed to mak e th is h appen. Also note tha t whil e importa nt, this c onc ept is also buried within other values of the hus ba nd - wife relations hip. John 21:15 When they ha d finished brea kfast, Jes us sa id to Simon Pet er, Simon, s on of John, do you love m e more t ha n thes e? He sa id to him, Yes, Lord; you know t hat I love you. He sa id to him, F eed my lambs. Jesu s desires for me to feed my wife in a phys ical, emotional, a nd s piritual ma nner. This vers e proba bly has more emphasis on spiritual feeding. How can I do this? E ncoura gement in a da ily quiet time, allowing her time away, praying with her a nd the fa mily, etc. How can I da ily be encoura ging to my wife to feed s piritually and emotionally? Wha t s teps do I need to tak e s o that she is secu re in all thre e of thes e a reas? Matthew 6:26-34 Ultima tely the feeding of my wife a nd fa mil y ( either in a phys ical, emotional, or s piritual mea ns ) is by our hea venl y Fa ther. My wife is val ua bl e to the Fa ther a nd He will feed her in these a reas. God in His own timing and wa y ca n provide the phys ical, emotional, a nd 17

18 spiritu al needs for my wife. This vers e shoul d also free me from worry, given G od s promis e of provision. Prayer: Jes us, I pray that you will help me to rely on th e fac t tha t you a re the ul timate provis ion for my wife and fa mil y a nd for my wife to res t s ecure in this as well. I Th essal onia ns 4:11-12 And to asp ire to live quiet ly, a nd t o mind your own affa irs, a nd to work with your ha nds, as we instructed you, so that you may walk prop erly before out siders and be dependent on no one. Ou r a mbition in the realm of work shoul d be to mind ou r own business a nd work ha rd a nd provide for the needs of our fa mil y as hus ba nds a nd fa thers. This does not mea n that our wives are not a bl e a nd skill ed to work and mak e money as w ell (s ee Proverbs 31:10-31). However, it does mea n tha t the back bone of provis ion is with the hus ba nd as l ong as he is a bl e to provide (See Genes is 1:26-31 a nd 3:17-19). Cares F or E ph es ia ns 5:29 For no one ever hated his own fles h, but nouris hes a nd cher is hes it, just as C hr ist does the church The difference between feeding a nd ca ring c an be a fine l ine, but it is different. When a farmer feeds his c ows or sheep or chick ens, tha t is important. But he also does other things for their well - being. F or examp l e, he builds fenc es so wil d a nimal s will not attack them. He builds ba rns to protect them from ba d weather. He provides c are to protec t them from dis ea s e, a nd so on. This is th e c onc ept here for hus ba nds with their wives. 18 I Peter 5:2 Shepher d t he flock of G od that is a mong you, exercis ing overs ight, not under compuls ion, but willingly, a s G od would ha ve you; not for shameful ga in, but ea gerly Wh il e it is true tha t this passa ge a ppl ies to l eadership in th e c hu rch, the sa me c onc ept a ppl ies to l ife in the family. Sh epherding is merel y ca ring for others, and as hea ds of their homes the hus ba nd needs to have this

19 attitu de. The a ttitude of a s hepherd is that of c onsta ntly lea rning h ow to ca re for thos e under my ca re. Prayer: L ord Jes us, hel p me in my da ily life to continually s ee how I can be more unders tanding and caring for my wife in her da ily life. Psalm 23 Certainly, of all plac es in the Bibl e, this passa ge dwells in a more focused and clea r ma nner on the c onc ept of caring, us ing a shepherd as a n exa mpl e of this. This passa ge focuses on God as the shepherd, but it does acknowl edge tha t the s hepherd is a real life analogy for wh ich we a s humans c an us e to unders ta nd how God cares for us. As suc h, sinc e this a nalogy is huma n, mea ning tha t the shepherd in it ca n be a ppl ied to fath ers in ca ring for their fa mily as a s hepherd cares for th eir fl ock. Prayer: L ord Jesus, this is a rich passage, which shows me how to ca re in a va riety of wa ys. Hel p me to l ea rn how to ca re for my fa mily as God ca res for me and as a sheph erd cares for His sheep in this passa ge. Man L eaves Fath er and Moth er E phes ia ns 5:31 T her efor e a ma n s ha ll leave his fa ther a nd mot her and hold fas t to his wife, a nd t he t wo shall become one fles h. Genes is 2:24 Ther efor e a ma n sha ll lea ve his fat her a nd his mother and hold fast t o his wife, a nd t hey s hall become one flesh. Th is s ec tion of Sc ripture from the book of G enesis was written a bout events 4-5,000 yea rs a go, a nd l ik e all of God s Word a re a s rel evant toda y as the da y they were written. The idea is that of a hus ba nd l eaving his pa rents. This l ea ving is not jus t a phys ical l ea ving, but emotional and s piritua l as well. Why is it jus t the ma n given th is c omma nd? Perha ps they have a harder time leaving th eir home a nd tak ing the responsibil ity of family l ea dership. R egardl es s, the command is a total leaving to form a new family unit. F urther, the lea ving is not over time but at onc e, though in reality this 19

20 leaving does not occ ur over time as the hus ba nd a nd wife grow into a fa mil y unit over time with its unique identity. Prayer: Lord Jesus, hel p me to know the reality of leaving my fa mil y I wa s born into a nd l ook ing to l ea d th e fa mil y You have all owed me to start with my wife. United to His W ife E phes ians 5:31 T her efor e a ma n s ha ll leave his fa ther a nd mot her and hold fas t to his wife, a nd t he t wo shall become one fles h. The l eaving is not jus t to allow a ma n l ea ving to go hunting or be invol ved in a sport or work or being with just any or many women or a nyth ing he would lik e to do, but it is foc us ed on his wife a nd uniting with her. This is a very s ingul ar minded focus. 20 Malachi 2:10-16 Th e L OR D desires from me to have faithful ness to my wife in th is c onc ept of uniting more than offerings or sacrific e to God or a nything else in the worl d, for that matter ( exc ept for my rela tion to G od hims el f). It is perma nent a nd onc e a nd for all uniting, as l ong as one of us is s till alive. Tha t unity is not to be brok en, and that c ommitment a nd unity is tak en s eriously by G od. Prayer: L ord Jesus, help me to s ee the importa nc e of this unity in my ma rria ge with my wife a nd the serious nes s of tha t c ovena nt rela tionship, which not onl y brings you honor but gives my wife and me joy. Matthew 19:4-6 He a ns wered, Ha ve you not read tha t he who created them fr om the beginning ma de them ma le a nd female, and sa id, T herefore a ma n sha ll leave his fat her and his mother a nd hold fast to his wife, and the t wo sha ll become one fles h? So they a re no longer t wo but one flesh. Wha t t herefore God has joined t oget her, let not ma n separat e. God c reated huma ns and the a bil ity for a ma n a nd a wife to be joined, a nd then joined the ma n a nd the woma n. Th is unity is at the heart of ma rriage a nd should thus be a bs olutely protected. F urther, this unity is at the

21 core of ma rria ge a nd no t jus t the c rea tion of a new unity with two peopl e ( though it is tha t), but a unity, which shoul d not be brok en until the death of one of them tak es plac e. Prayer: Jesus, hel p me to s ee what this unity in ma rriage mea ns over time, what it mea ns to you, a nd how I can daily s trengthen the unity with my wife. Two Become O ne Flesh Ephesia ns 5:31 T her efor e a ma n s ha ll leave his fa ther a nd mot her and hold fas t to his wife, a nd t he t wo shall become one fles h. Genes is 2:24 Ther efor e a ma n sha ll lea ve his fat her a nd his mother and hold fast t o his wife, a nd t hey s hall become one flesh. One fl esh is a mys tery, but also a sta te a nd a proc ess at th e same time. The Bibl e mentions this s tatement fou r times. It is mentioned here in G enes is at the Crea tion of the worl d a nd man, but also three times in th e N ew Tes tament. This sta ndard was given before the fall of ma n, and then repea ted after the fall. It is importa nt, a s it is mentioned for ma n a nd woma n to give absolute cla rity about Ada m a nd Eve s s exual relations hip before God and the world even before their covena nt relations hip in ma rriage bega n. This c onc ept of oneness is not s ta tic, but a dyna mic ongoing proc ess wh ere the hus ba nd a nd wife become more a nd more one over time. Prayer: Lord Jes us, hel p me to understa n d as a hus band th e depth of mea ning this has for my wife a nd me. Matthew 19:3-6 And the Pha risees ca me up to him a nd tes ted him by asking, Is it lawful to divorce one s wife for a ny ca use? He a ns wered, Ha ve you not read tha t he who created them fr om the beginning ma de them ma le a nd female, and sa id, T herefore a ma n sha ll leave his fat her and his mother a nd hold fast to his wife, and the t wo sha ll become one fles h? So they a re no longer t wo but one 21

22 flesh. Wha t t herefore God has joined t oget her, let not ma n separat e. Th is passa ge is Jes us repea ting the exact statement mentioned in G enesis 2:24. This has s everal importa nt points of emphasis. First, Jes us support of oneness as being correct. Sec ond, things have not c ha nged s inc e th e beginning; in other wor ds, one ma n a nd one woman. Th ird, oneness is supported by Jesus in plac e of divorc e. Prayer: Lord Jes us, hel p me to s ee more cl ea rl y how to hel p my ma rriage be not two peopl e, but growing into onenes s. 22

23 Finall y, by way of s umma ry, we believe the B ibl e to be the way God has ch os en to speak to ma nkind a nd hel p him k now how to l ive life. Tha t woul d include the importa nt institution of ma rriage. Sinc e we bel ieve G od through Jesus Christ to be the sourc e of all k nowledge a nd wis dom, k nowing what He has to say o n th is su bject is importa nt. The Bibl e sa ys that there are two things a wife shoul d do to her husband, which is to respect and to s u bmit. The hus ba nd has 19 things he shoul d do or be towa rds his wife, mirroring the exa mpl e Jesus s et for his church, whic h is total s acrifice. This s mall booklet is mea nt to hel p h us ba nds especially to k now a nd unders ta nd this importa nt rol e in l ife, as well as for singl e men a nd women, the wives of hus ba nds, and their children. It is my hope tha t this it will h elp the churc h to be a shining exampl e of wha t a beautiful ma rriage is before the wa tching worl d, a nd help ma rriages thu s to bring glory to G od. 23