Send In The Clown By Bill Williamson

Transcription

1 Send In The Clown By Bill Williamson Clown, what a thought! What do you think a clown is? It could be someone who is acting silly all the time, or maybe someone who plays practical jokes on people. Then again, it could be someone who paints his face and puts on funny clothes, and wants to make people laugh. My WordPerfect dictionary defines it like this: Clown >noun 1 a comic entertainer, especially one in a circus, wearing a traditional costume and exaggerated make-up. 2 a playful, extrovert person. >verb act comically or playfully. I have a different definition. Let s see if I can explain it. I was definitely in mid-life crisis. I was entering my forties, divorced, and wandering aimlessly in life. I had discovered how desperately I needed Christ in my life. I made the decision to give all the pain, anguish, and uncertainty over to Jesus Christ. I repented of my sin, as scripture said I must do. I confessed with my mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, just as scripture said I must do. I accepted Jesus into my life and heart with an attitude that Jesus was more important that my own life. It has been that way to this very day. And it is easier to trust him now, after so many years of practice doing so. It wasn t like that in the beginning. Soon after the saving grace of Jesus that pulled me from the miry clay that, again, scripture talks about, I knew the purpose for my life had to be more than going to work, and coming home. I began to seek God with all my heart and to find the truth about Jesus, again, according to scripture. I did find the truth, and accepted the work Jesus did on the cross for me, and my life was changed forever. (Note here: If you wonder why I write, scripture says, so many times, it is because I want my life to be about what scripture says. The word of God is life giving. If you remove that truth, you are taking life away.) At age forty-two, I applied for, and received, an early retirement from the US Forest Service. That was a miracle. It was a miracle because I was so young. But, I had paid a lot into the retirement fund in my twenty-five years of Federal service. They approved and gave me what I had

2 earned. I was traveling around with my beautiful, moss green, Wenonah canoe atop my 1978 Dodge Van. The van was pea green, and in contrast to the moss green, ugly for sure. I had my bed, supplies, and was even comfortable in that ole van. I enjoyed those months of travel in most of the dozen or so western states. I began this lifestyle thinking I had finally gotten to a place where I could really enjoy life. At one point, I sent a photo back to the office I retired from and asked a friend to post it on the bulletin board. In the photo I was laying in a hammock with Bear Grass blooms beautifully displayed all around me. In the short distance my canoe was pulled up from the mountain lake into the Bear Grass. The lake, and the mountain beyond it, were wonderfully looming in the background. I was reclined with my cowboy hat pulled over my eyes. I put a caption under the photo that read, Its rough out here, I m glad none of you tried this. I m not certain what any comments might have been by my co-workers. I never returned to that office. But, I was to find out soon that this lifestyle brought no sense of purpose to me. I was saved, and knew I had eternal life. I knew too, that I was in the Kingdom of Heaven. I was born-again and everything had become new. The old ugly things of my life had been forgiven by a loving and caring God. I lacked nothing that was needed to go to heaven upon my death. Still, this was not enough. What am I accomplishing, I wondered? And I was plagued with this thought. Soon I found myself in a cabin on my brother s property near Kalispell, Montana. After some weeks there, I found myself refusing to leave the cabin, and was pouring over the pages of my Bible. I was listening to Christian Radio, gleaning from what the preachers were saying. I couldn t get enough. I was not going to church, but I was being drawn by God to the things he wanted me to learn. One of the things I was to learn much later on was my need to be in church, to fellowship with other believers, and to gain from them. I did go to church a couple of times during the cabin time, however. On one of those visits I met a man that I ll just call, Pete. Pete was part of an organization called, Youth With A Mission, YWAM. The YWAM mission is worldwide, and is a simple one, Know God, and Make Him Known. This is what I needed to learn how to do. Pete was part of the Montana YWAM mission organization at Lakeside, just one of more than twelve hundred ministry centers in the 196 countries of the world. Pete invited me to come visit. I did. And that was the beginning of a new adventure for Christ that would carry me the rest of my days. But, let me get to the point of this story. YWAM had a discipleship program that intrigued me and I signed onto a Discipleship Training School, DTS, on only my second day at the Lakeside base. I had discovered true worship of God, and I loved it. I happened to get a taste of good quality teaching and my soul sought after more of it. I had found the very place where God wanted me to spend the next five months of my life. The setting was outstanding, beautiful in every way. Just a mile, a short walk, from Flathead Lake, and set at the foot of Blacktail Mountain with Ponderosa Pine, Douglas Fir, Western Larch, and many other coniferous trees making up the surrounding forest. After visiting the base daily for one week, I left for Oregon to see my oldest daughter married and returned for the start of the DTS in late August.

3 I lived in a dormitory setting where I had to share a room with a man of my age who had also come to learn and be a part of the DTS. He was quiet and considerate, much like I am, and we got along well. I was on cloud nine. I had never known such peace, quiet in my soul, and encountered such loving people. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. This was going to be a great five months. Why then, was I ready to leave in only a few weeks? Why was this place suddenly so unbearable? How bad must it be to override all the beauty and contentment of this place? My utopia came to a sudden halt when the staff of the DTS asked me to do something, and I just could not do it. They asked me to choose between three types of Christian ministries they would train me to do. For me, they were impossible choices. The three things were, being a clown, singing in a group, or joining a dance group. How hard are these things? Pretty hard if you are an introvert like I was. I could no more paint myself up and act silly as a clown than I could get on a stage to sing and dance. All three were out of the question. However, I was told by the staff these were my only choices, except one other, and that was to leave the DTS. I was so shy about doing extrovert things in front of people that this last choice seemed the logical one to me. I continued to study and take part in class activities, and even joined the Children s Ministry team to see what it was like. This is the team where the clowns would learn skills to minister to children on the upcoming two-month outreach to other parts of the world. I was miserable on this team. We all were required to say, and act out, in front of others, kids songs and dances. It couldn t get any worse for this forty-four-year-old man. It had taken me years to get used to the idea of speaking in front of others in the Civil Engineering field I had worked in for twenty-five years. I mastered that when I had grown in expertise where others could learn from what I spoke about, and my confidence grew enough to feel worthy to be up in front of them. But, I was not ready for this kid stuff. I determined I would simply drop out of the DTS and get on with my life, in my van with the canoe on top. Before I encountered YWAM and this DTS, I had planned to drive a few thousand miles north to the Yukon Territory so that I could float the Peace River over a two-month period of the summer. Maybe it would be a good time to rethink that option. I could use a little peace. I was torn because I wanted so much to learn from this DTS. I felt God urging me to do it, but did God know what he was asking of me? Maybe he didn t understand how this made me feel. Didn t he know that I wasn t cut out for this type of thing? I was determined to leave, but I was also determined to talk to someone about it, and to pray for God s help with the decision. I met with Pete, who happened to be the DTS leader. I told him about my dilemma, how I just couldn t do any of those things requested of me. Pete, in his Christian wisdom, suggested that I read a few scripture verses he recommended that had to do with rest. I don t recall the specific verses now, but as I read over them something began to happen within me. I knew that God had brought me to this place and this is where I needed to be, and stay. I made the mental choice, and dug in for the long haul. The next few weeks were anything but fun. I continued to be miserable as we worked on song and dance skits that we would be doing as clowns. I was the most miserable of the lot, and felt all alone in my anguish. But, I was committed and that was that. I would do this thing, and I sought God for help every day, sometimes every hour.

4 I learned the skits, the little kid songs, the dance steps, but was often caught out of step or off tune. My tenseness made it difficult to learn and even harder to carry out the routines. About midway through the training, one of the local churches of Kalispell, Montana invited our DTS to come show them what we were doing for the upcoming outreach. All of us, Children s Ministry, Vocal Team, and Dance Team, would all perform something from the array of things we could do. I was so nervous. Thoughts of giving it all up and leaving again came to my mind. It was one thing to have learned how to perform before the members of my team, but in front of the other teams, and especially in front of strangers in a strange church. I was a wreck. I prayed, and the night came for the performance. We did go, we performed, and I lived through it and didn t do too badly at all. I thought, maybe, I can do this. The practice got much easier after that night in front of strangers. I had gained enough confidence that I could see that, nothing is impossible for God, and when I put my trust in him, then all things were possible for me too. I was learning some foundational truths about this faith that I had embraced. Soon, the lecture phase of the DTS was over. The three months had gone quickly enough once I accepted that I would remain and see it through. It was December in Montana and you probably know what the means. The temperature was eight degrees when we boarded the plane and headed for Singapore, our first stop of three on this outreach. It was to be, Singapore, Chen Chow Island just off Hong Kong, and then last, Taiwan. Our DTS was a large group that consisted of families, couples, and singles like me. We were quite a sight moving through airports as a mob with a mountain of luggage. In Singapore we got established in our quarters that would be home for the three weeks we would minister there. We had two large flats in a high rise on the eleventh floor. Byron, who was eighteen years old at the time, and I, determined we would not use the elevator again once our luggage was on the eleventh floor. And we didn t enter the elevator again until time to leave. Byron and I would often arrive at the elevator when returning to the building, and while the rest of the team loaded into the elevator, we would begin running up the stairs to see if we could beat the elevator up to the eleventh floor. Several times we did. I was tested though, trying to keep up with this teen. Over the next couple of weeks our team of clowns and puppeteers would go to children s homes, orphanages, churches, and anywhere else that children and their parents would allow us to come do our skits and routines, often as many as three times a day. We clowns became experts putting on our make-up that would often run in the intense heat of Singapore at that time of year. My costume consisted of large brown wool trousers that were many sizes too large in the waist and supported by suspenders, a white turtle neck jersey with white cloves, and a rainbow tie. I also wore a red wig, and a large red nose. Coupled with the layers of make-up, I was not prepared for hot weather. My costume seemed a good one when selected in the cold of a Montana winter. I became very fond of our ministry when children would come and watch our every move, and then believe whatever we said afterwards. We also told them about the truth of God, and about how much Jesus loved them. That was the thrust of our skits, our songs, and our talks to them. There were times when it wasn t so much fun. Children of the ages of seven to teen years sometimes can be cruel simply because they do not know just how to act. At one Boy s Home, after we had done our routines, the boys swarmed all of us clowns. They were pulling at my red nose,

5 poking me in the belly, and jerking on my tie. I was glad when that session was over. But, there were other times when my joy would be so very full. I was privileged to lead several children to receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Oh that they have hung onto that until this day. One child, I ll call Becky, was one I will always remember. Not because she did anything really special, but that she stood before me with her tiny hand held out to me, Snoopy, the clown, with her mother nearby, and nodded that she wanted to know Jesus. I prayed and she repeated after me the words of salvation. I want to say here, some today say that the prayer repeated by someone wanting Christ in their life, and speaking of repentance and acceptance of Jesus Christ, is not really affective. I disagree. It was affective in my life, because it was real, and I know that something happened when I confessed with my mouth I was a sinner and wanted Jesus to come and clean me up. I believe Becky declared something with her mouth as that little eight-year-old, which has stayed with her all her days so far. Our time in Singapore was coming to an end and an invitation came to our DTS from the organizers of Singapore s huge Water and Light Show put on every year. Thousands would gather to see the spectacle, and television cameras would be there to cover the event. It was a big deal in Singapore. I was delighted to learn that the clowns were not needed for the event. A big relief for me, because although I had grown very accustomed to singing and dancing before children as a clown, the idea of doing it before a few thousand adults and TV cameras was not appealing at all. The singers and dancers began to design and practice their routines. It was getting close to the time for the show, only a couple days left. Suddenly the news came, there was a change of plan, the clowns would open the show. My heart leapt as I pondered the idea of that. Lights, cameras, thousands of people, and us six would sing, dance, and perform to open this grand show. Oh, my God! We did open the show, and it was a grand affair that I enjoyed so much. All the practice of the past weeks in front of children had prepared me for this time, and it was delightful. I didn t even notice the people, nor the cameras, I was simply doing it as unto the Lord. We left Singapore and went to our second stop on the outreach, Chen Chow Island. I won t go into all the ministries that were done there, but do want to tell you about one incident on the island. Chen Chow Island was a beautiful island in the South China Sea. Both ends of the island were mounds of massive rock formations that made wonderful places to sit, or lay, in the sunshine and watch the ships, or Chinese Junks, sail by. Often I would go at sunset and watch the huge red sun dip into the South China Sea. But this particular day was a day off from the ministry and I was sitting on the rocks of the south end of the island. I was writing a letter to my fiancee, Judith. Out of nowhere I felt God remind me of what I had said once in Montana. At a mountain lake in Montana I was laying in my hammock resting so peacefully when I heard a word. It was clear, and I knew what it meant, Missionary. I had heard this word once before while walking in the desert of Arizona. I rejected it at that time, and now this time I said to the Lord, how can I give up all this and, become a Missionary? God was now asking me what I had given up to be a Missionary. Here I was sitting in the sunshine in December, when the temperature was about 75 degrees. Back in Montana where I had

6 relaxed in the hammock it was probably zero degrees. I was enjoying scenes that I never dreamed I would see. God had brought me half way around the world to this picturesque spot and was blessing me tremendously. I realized I had not given up anything to be a Missionary. I had gained a great deal. And it is true today, many years later, I have gained so very much in my life by just saying, Yes, to my Lord and going where he directs me to go. It is a win, win, situation. I have no regrets. Soon the outreach was over and we were back in Montana. It was March and spring was in the air, a sharp contrast to December when we left for Asia. After the completion of the DTS final week wrap up, Judith and I were married and began as husband and wife, and as staff at the Lakeside YWAM base. Within a few months, the base decided to put together a Song and Dance troupe that would travel to several states with the purpose of doing shows that glorified God. Many invitations were coming in and there would be no lack of places to perform. Something happened that I could not have imagined. I heard the Lord speak to me to volunteer for the team. My first thought was like those of being a clown, but I soon realized that the same God that had trained me and been with me as a clown would be with me in this as well. I did volunteer, after talking it over with Judith, and began the practice sessions with the team. This time there was no clown costume, or make-up, to hide behind. It was just Bill Williamson out there on the stage, in his own skin, singing and dancing before the Lord. God has taught me much, and since those days I have preached and done many things that were new to me. I no longer fear standing before people, whether in clown paint, or not. I am not afraid of another opportunity whereby my Lord wants to use me for something that is important to him. What is important to me has changed quite a bit since I first put on clown paint. God has taken this introvert, and the insecurity I had in those days, and transformed me by the renewing of my mind, just as scripture says he will, if we ask. I now have confidence that comes from him, and I just want to obey, and glorify God in every aspect of my life. I have learned that this story is not about clowns, singing, or dancing. It is about how God removed fear from my life, fear of people, and fear of serving Jesus to my fullest. God wanted me fearless in serving him. God sent in a clown, and he obeyed, and came out a fearless servant of Jesus Christ.