THE BLESSING Genesis 27 December 7, Dr. Howard Batson First Baptist Church Amarillo, Texas

Transcription

1 THE BLESSING Genesis 27 December 7, 2014 Dr. Howard Batson First Baptist Church Amarillo, Texas The pressure is on to buy your child the perfect Christmas gift. Every year, the latest and greatest gifts are in high demand and, yet, short supply. Among this year s top picks are the Leap Frog Leappad 3, Zoomer Zuppies Interactive Puppies, and Frozen figurines including Elsa, Anna, and Olaf. If you don t place your order now, your disappointed darling will miss out on the best of the season. When my children were small, however, they spent more time playing with the 50 cent cardboard box than they did the 50 dollar toy. Are there other gifts we could give our children that will make for a more meaningful Christmas gifts that give more than 30 days or 30 minutes of excitement? Today, based upon the story of Jacob and Esau, I want to speak to you about perhaps the greatest gift you could give your child. There is a gift that all children want, regardless of their age. It is always the right size and color. And yet, it is the very thing that many of us never felt as if we received from our parents many of us, even as adults, continue to long for this gift. The Gift: to be blessed by you, their parents to feel blessed by you, to sense that they are blessed. Remember the family saga found in the 27th chapter of Genesis. Isaac, Abraham s son, is at the point of death and it is time for him to hand over his blessing to his oldest son, Esau. But his wife, Rebekah, was in favor of skipping over the eldest son in order to confirm the blessing to the younger twin, Jacob. When she overheard Isaac promise Esau the blessing, she set up a deception with which she was to get the blessing for her favorite, Jacob. She said, Son, you go serve him. Your Dad is senile already. He can t see well. He can t hear. He can t tell the difference between goat and deer, and anyway, he lost his taste buds years ago. The boy was as bright as he could be, and he said, But mother, you know my skin is fair and I don t have a lot of hair. Esau has hair all over his hands. My Dad may be many things, but when he puts his hand down on my soft wrist, he s going to know he has Jacob. So she puts the skin of a goat over his arm, and she said, When he smells this goat, he ll think that it is Esau, and he will bless you. And they did it. Isaac blessed Jacob thinking it was Esau. This had hardly transpired when Esau came in, having done exactly what his father asked him to do with the festive meal. He learned his father had already blessed Jacob. He had been deceived. Esau knew

2 his father could not take back the words. So Esau asked his father, Have you but one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father (Genesis 27:38). I do not think there is enough anguish in my voice to properly communicate what was in Esau s voice when he said, Bless me too, my father. I think this is the cry of every child to his or her parents: bless me too, my mother; bless me too, my father. I think it is our cry. We, who are adults, must also seek blessings from our parents. (Chafin, Preaching, September-October 1992) Kenneth Chafin, in a sermon entitled, Learning to Bless our Children (Preaching, Sept-Oct 1992), reports, Paul Tournier, the late Swiss psychiatrist-theologian, used the story of Esau to describe a certain type of psychological problem which he was constantly dealing with in his therapy in Switzerland. He called it The Unblessed Child. It had nothing to do with the gifts of the child, or the ability of the child, or the opportunities in life the child enjoyed, or even material possessions. It had to do with this child not being blessed, not feeling approved by his or her parents, feeling that somehow they did not measure up, that somehow they never really pleased their parent. There are in this congregation men and women who will say to themselves I am an unblessed child. I never amounted to what my mother wanted for me. I never accomplished what my father wanted me to accomplish. I am one of those unblessed children. Do not assume the obvious your children may not know that you are proud of them, that you are happy with them. The desire to be blessed transcends all time, from the time of Jacob and Esau to our time. It transcends all cultures. In fact, I found an article by an Asian-American who spoke of the pain she felt when she was no longer receiving her parents blessing. She writes, Receiving parental blessing is a big pat of Korean culture. Every New Year s Day, there is a tradition where all the children, grandchildren, nephews and nieces bow to their elders to wish them the best in the new year. In response, the elders bless them and their lives. Not receiving my parents blessing whether the annual one or their ongoing support was a big deal to me; I felt ripped apart inside. (Sandy Schaupp, When You Lack Your Parents Blessing, One distinguished preacher writes, I have a friend who is one of the most talented preachers I know. He taught preaching for many years, and has written of the classic books on preaching that s in the literature of the field today. He was reared in a home of a very successful businessman who had been mayor in their town. He was a perfectionist when it came to expectations for his children. His father has been dead now for two decades, but he is still working to please his father. He is still trying to do something with his life which would make him think, My Dad would really like that. It is unbelievable what it does to a child to grow up in a family and feel they have not been blessed. (Kenneth Chafin, Parenting: Learning to Bless Our Children, preaching.com)

3 In Mark 10, folks bring their children to Jesus, that He might bless them. But His disciples rebuke them. When Jesus saw it, He was indignant and said to them, Let the little children come to me. Don t stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, whoever does not welcome the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. After taking them in His arms, He laid His hands upon them and blessed them. Jesus saw the importance of blessing the children. I. CHILDREN ARE BLESSED BY OUR WORDS. In a survey of 1,000 teenagers, 42% had not received parental words of praise during the previous 24-hour period. Half had not gotten a hug or kiss, and 54% had not heard the words, I love you. (Gallup Youth Survey, 1629 Parental-Duty, 2/1991.9) In another survey, parents were asked to record how many negative versus positive comments they made to their children. Results: They criticized 10 times for every favorable comment. In one Florida city, teachers were found to be 75% negative. And it was learned that it takes four positive statements from a teacher/parent to offset the effects of one negative statement to a child. (1632 Parental Influence-Evil-Negative vs. Positive, 4/ ) So often we wound our children with our words. We have a verbal arsenal of cruel, bitter, and degrading words that we use on our children. They contaminate, poison our children launched as verbal missiles to attack a child s behavior, appearance, intelligence, competence or value as a person. Can t you do anything right? You are never going to amount to anything. Maybe that is why daddy wanted a son. A faultfinding parent is never satisfied. The children never feel as if they have received the blessing from such a parent. The faultfinding parent has unrealistic expectations of who his child really is. Constant verbal belittling informs the child that: You are not accepted the way that you are. You just don t measure up, and I cannot accept you until you do. You don t really meet my standards. Noted counselor H. Norman Wright reports, In more than 25 years of counseling, I have heard multitudes of adults cry out, My parent s criticism ripped me apart as a child. They made me feel like dirt. I never felt accepted, I am still looking for someone who will tell me I m all right. Perhaps these words of W. Livingston to his own son grasp the impact of negative words. Listen, son. I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of

4 remorse swept over me. Guiltily, I came to your bedside. These are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor. At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, Good-bye, Daddy! and I frowned and said in reply, Hold your shoulders back! Then it began all over again in the later afternoon. As I came up the road I saw you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your knees. I humiliated you before your friends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Pants were expensive and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. What is it you want? I snapped. You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God has set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs. Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of you. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years. And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of yours was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness and I have knelt there, ashamed! It is a feeble statement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying, as if it were a ritual: He is nothing but a boy a little boy! (The Power of a Parent s Words, Wright, pp ) Remember that your children are just that children. Set standards that they can reach. Remember to convey love to your children even when they displease you. If we convey love to our children only when they please us, they will never feel genuinely loved.

5 John McKay, the great football coach at the University of Southern California, was interviewed on television a few years ago, and the subject of his son s athletic talent was raised. John Junior was a successful player on his dad s team. Coach McKay was asked to comment on the pride he must feel over his son s accomplishments on the field. His answer was most impressive. Yes, I m pleased that John had a good season last year. He does a fine job and I am proud of him. But I would be just as proud if he had never played the game at all. This week I was speaking with my oldest daughter, Ryan, who worked for me one summer doing odd jobs, about another father who was also supervising a college-age kid. And she replied, without hesitating, and knowing nothing about my sermon this week, Well, is he really nice, or is he a hard rear like you? All I did was laugh a daughter s unmeasured (but true) words to her daddy. Certainly I am not suggesting that you never correct your children. It is your duty to see that they learn from their mistakes; it is your duty to see that their misbehavior is punished. But let all of this be done in love. Your child should never question your love for them, your approval of them as a human being worthy of honor and respect. Words of praise for children are powerful words, and sometimes, as we desire to challenge our children to do their best, we give them the impression that they will never please us. Proverbs 18:21 Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Words have the incredible power to build us up or tear us down. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words crush my very spirit. II. OUR CHILDREN NEED TO BE BLESSED BY OUR HOLDING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Dr. James Dobson speaks of an incredible phenomenon. During the birthing process, every parent hopes for a healthy, normal, average child - you know, ten fingers and ten toes. Then, shortly after birth, parents are no longer satisfied with an average infant. They begin to look for signs of a budding genius, God s gift to mankind. During the second year of the child s life, he seems so intellectually loaded as he learns something new every day. This normal process for the normal child can seem incredible for those watching it for the very first time, and the parents become all the more certain that, sure enough, a genius has been born. The conclusion is drawn that our child must excel beyond all others besides, he is a Jones, or a Smith, or a Taylor. He must be ahead of his peers in his ability to walk. She must bring home an astonishing report card that has all of the teachers proclaiming her wit and wisdom. And you had better believe that when it comes to Little League, my child will be an all-star. Have you ever seen a child with so much ability? Go ahead, Johnny, show them how you can hit the ball. We are already counting on a baseball scholarship to put him through college. Wow, to let our dad down when

6 he has made such outrageous statements. Go ahead, Son, the whole team is counting on you to make the hit and win the game. The funny thing about exceptionally gifted children is that they are just that exceptional. It is a rare day when a five-year-old can memorize the King James Bible, or an eight-year-old can compose in the Mozart manner. Rather, most of our children are just plain kids who need to be loved for who they are now, not who we, as parents, want them to be. III. OUR CHILDREN ARE BLESSED WHEN WE INTRODUCE THEM TO GOD. You cannot choose God for your child. Every generation must decide. But you can give your child an opportunity to learn that this is a God-centered world and not a man-centered world. You can introduce your child to the value system that comes from a Christian world. The late J. Edgar Hoover was once asked, Should I make my child go to Sunday School and church? His reply was both scriptural and practical. Yes, said the former head of the FBI, you certainly should, and with no further discussion about the matter. You may be startled by my answer, but what do you say to Junior when he comes to breakfast on Monday morning and announces he isn t going to school anymore? You know! He goes! How do you answer him when he comes home covered with mud and says, I m not going to take a bath. Junior bathes, doesn t he? Why all this timidity, then, in the realm of spiritual guidance and growth? You say you re going to let him wait and decide what church he wants to go to when he is old enough? Quit your kidding!... Your firmness and example will furnish a bridge over which youthful rebellion will then travel into many rich and satisfying spiritual experiences. (1630 Parental Duties-Discipline of Children-No Decision to Make 8/ ) IV. WE BLESS OUR CHILDREN WHEN WE LET THEM GO. It is difficult to realize, but we are raising our children to be independent. We are trying to raise them in such a way that they will be able to exist on their own. It is difficult to appreciate this fact because we want to hold them forever. We want them to remain mommy s little boy or daddy s little girl. We want them to always look to us for advice. We want them to cherish their relationship to us. But the real job of the parent is to work themselves out of a job. We have to let go. It all starts when we become overprotective as parents. We always want to spare our children some of the difficulties, hardships, and challenges that we had to face. There is something in us, whatever the age of our children, that just wants to make everything easy for our children. If we are not careful, we will end up sheltering them from life rather than equipping them for it. We fail to grasp that it is because we have faced the trials that have come our way that we are who we are. They have been instruments that have shaped us. Mothers seek to shelter, watch, guard, when in reality risks have to be faced if the child is to ever develop. No infant will ever learn to walk if you don t let him fall. No teenager will ever learn the value of money if you don t let her spend her money on an expensive, unexpected car repair.

7 It is so very painful to let go to set your children free. One mother was struggling with the choices that her 20-year-old son was making. Dr. James Dobson helped her write a letter to her son that released her from her parental responsibilities. She wrote: Dear Paul, This is the most important letter I have ever written to you, and I hope you will take it as seriously as it is intended. I have given a great amount of thought and prayer to the matter I want to convey, and believe I am right in what I ve decided to do. For the past several years, you and I have been involved in a painful tug-of-war. You have been struggling to free yourself of my values and my wishes for your life. At the same time, I have been trying to hold you to what we both know is right. Even at the risk of nagging, I have been saying, Go to church, Choose the right friends, Make good grades in school, Live a Christian life, Prepare wisely for your future, etc. I m sure you ve gotten tired of this urging and warning, but I have only wanted the best for you. This is the only way I knew to keep you from making some of the mistakes so many others have made. However, I ve thought all of this over during the last month and I believe that my job as your mother is now finished. Since the day you were born, I have done my best to do what was right for you. I have not always been successful I ve made mistakes and I ve failed in many ways. Someday you will learn how difficult it is to be a good parent, and perhaps then you ll understand me better than you do now. But there s one area where I have never wavered: I ve loved you with everything that is within me. It is impossible to convey the depth of my love for you through these years, and that affection is as great today as it s ever been. It will continue to be there in the future, although our relationship will change from this moment. As of now, you are free! You may reject God or accept Him, as you choose. Ultimately, you will answer only to Him, anyway. You may marry whomever you wish without protest from me. You may go to UCLA or USC or any other college of your selection. You may fail or succeed in each of life s responsibilities. The umbilical cord is now broken. I am not saying these things out of bitterness or anger. I still care what happens to you and am concerned for your welfare. I will pray for you daily, and if you come to me for advice, I ll offer my opinion. But the responsibility now shifts from my shoulders to yours. You are a man now, and you re entitled to make your own decisions regardless of the consequences. Throughout your life I ve tried to build a foundation of values which would prepare you for this moment of manhood and independence. That time has come, and my record is in the books. I have confidence in you, son. You are gifted and have been blessed in so many ways. I believe God will lead you and guide your footsteps, and I am optimistic about the future. Regardless of the outcome, I will always have a special tenderness in my heart for my beloved son.

8 Sincerely, Your mother Parents, give your child your greatest gift give them your blessing. Don t wait to give your blessing. Rick Ezell remembers going to family reunions. He said, for the most people talk about sports, recipes, movies, or the latest news event. But something happens the last hour of the reunion. Suddenly, before the family members say their good-byes, meaningful words will be spoken. A brother will say to his sister, I know things will work out in your marriage. I ll be praying for you. An aunt will say to her niece, You ve always made me proud. I know school is hard, but you can do it. I believe in you. Or a daughter will say to a parent, Look around you, Mom. We didn t turn out half bad, did we? We have you and Dad to thank. So often the most meaningful words are said just before the good-byes. Sometimes when we wait, we wait too long. And those words we wanted to say, or wanted to hear, are lost forever. (Rick Ezell, How to Bless Others, Parents, give your child your blessing today.