October Theme: Forgiveness and Mercy Guided by Love: Gifts of Kindness on the Road to Forgiveness Sunday, October 14, 2012, 11:00 a.m. 12:15 p.m.

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1 October Theme: Forgiveness and Mercy Guided by Love: Gifts of Kindness on the Road to Forgiveness Sunday, October 14, 2012, 11:00 a.m. 12:15 p.m. Call to Worship Rev. Geoff Rimositis The Daily Compass reading of the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Larger Fellowship ( for September 25, 2012 Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the day of seeking forgiveness asked the question: What would it look like to atone for the ways in which you have failed to live up to your best self? In my journal entry for that day I wrote this poetic response: Love would become my obsession not a fawning sycophancy with revolting overtones. Love would be my raison d être, my everything, my prime mover, the reason I get out of bed in the morning. I would not walk my dog. I would walk my love. Dinner would always have the same ingredient: made with love. If the car does not start, a curse will not turn the engine over only love for all the miles shared together would be the appropriate response. This is not a sickly sweet love that quickly activates the gag reflex. This is a love that cannot be lived without. There is no such thing as too much of it. The only regret is when it is held back, as if love has an expiration date, a carrying capacity,

2 2 a limited view. Yes, I ve broken my vows for the thousandth time. Lucky for me love is a renewable resource. I m kick-starting my life again to that place of forgiveness between my heart and yours. Reflection What If the Love Was Conditional? Marnie Singer, Worship Associate Mama, do you love me? 1 This book paints a picture of the ancient archetype of the warm, comforting, forgiving mother. Mama cherishes the child unconditionally, even when the child tests the parent s limits. It is a wonderful bedtime story. If a child is lucky enough to have books in the home and lucky enough to have someone who reads them bedtime stories, this book can remind a parent to be calm and loving and forgiving. Imagine a day fraught with parent-child conflict. Finally, it s the kid s bedtime, and the parent is thinking through clenched teeth, If I read just one book, then they ll go to sleep and I can get a break. And then the child pulls this book off the shelf, as a request for reassurance. Mama, can you forgive my being a child and still love me? Papa, can you reassure me that I m safe? If the parent is healthy enough, they may get the message. The power of the story can help a parent s hard edge to soften enough for them to regain access to their deep love for the child. Or perhaps the parent chooses the book, realizing they had been irritable and critical, and trusting that reading this particular story could be a way to make peace. Yes, Honey, I was angry, but what s most important, for both of us, is that I love you. That s the ideal. Norman Rockwell could have painted it. But some of our childhoods were much more difficult than that. Our wounds were too deep to heal with bedtime stories. Parents can be neglectful and abusive. Parents can do things that stunt a child s emotional and spiritual growth. Parents can put conditions on their love, and the child may never measure up. Many of us still carry scars from our childhood. 1 The Story for All Ages on this Sunday: Barbara M. Joosse, Mama, Do You Love Me?, illustrated by Barbara Lavallee (San Francisco: Chronicle Books, 1991).

3 3 Our internal dialogue about our childhood may change over time. Where we had previously thought, How could she have done that to me?!! we may have progressed to thinking, Gosh, if it hadn t been that way, my life would have been easier! We may have even shifted to thinking, Oh, well, that was what it was, and I need to move on. And then out of the blue, something triggers a memory. An old photo, a scent, an image or sensation may bring a flashback, and suddenly the pain feels fresh and immediate. I don t know about you, but I get a catch in my breath when I have those flashbacks. I suddenly feel a hole in my heart, and my hand flies up to hold me steady. Here s a strange thought but it s not so strange, really. Those startling moments of remembered pain are gifts. They are opening our hearts in places where we had been closed. They are calls to attention, reminders that we still have potential for growth. What we do next can make all the difference. If we stuff the feelings back down and try to forget them, we will keep on carrying the same burden, like a bag full of junk slung over our shoulder. Or we can try to pay attention and deal with it. Imagine having a conversation with the painful memories when they pop up. Open up that bag and look at what s inside. Greet those critical, shaming voices. Hello, old icky feelings. Hello, shame! Thank you for trying to protect me in the past. You brought me to where I am now, but I don t need to carry you any longer. I can see now that I was just a child back then, and I didn t have the power to make things different. I can see now that my parents were doing the best they could have done at the time, with what they had been given and how they had been raised. And I can see that there s nothing I can do now to change the past. Carrying shame does me no good. Then I can set down at least a piece of that burden. I can try to forgive the past, and let it go. I can move on with a lighter load. And I can try to learn to be my own parent to talk to the scared or sad little girl who lives in me and love her unconditionally. I d like to introduce you to the Marnie doll. She was a gift to my mother in 1933, and then she became mine. You can see that she has been through many trials. She is a symbol of the scared little Marnie; and now I, as an adult, can love

4 4 her and care for her. It might seem silly, but it is healing for me to hold her and read to her. Mama, do you love me? Yes I do, Dear One. I will love you, forever and for always, because you are my Dear One. 2 We can parent ourselves, and become more whole. We can heal. Readings Brand-New Creations: Love, Mercy, and Forgiveness From FUCSJ s Band of Writers and the Retreat s Saturday Morning Workshop Rev. Nancy: In the past couple of weeks, I sent out a request to the Band of Writers the writing group that meets monthly here at FUCSJ and yesterday I brought the same request to Jean Embree s writing workshop, which launched our all-church retreat this weekend: What story of forgiveness or mercy is alive in your life? How can we weave together this month s theme of Forgiveness and Mercy with the overarching yearly theme of Cherishing and Love? Some people wrote reflections, and yesterday others wrote haiku that form poetry known as Japanese, with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and five in the last. Today we will hear a few of these offerings. This is our Unitarian Universalist liturgy a word that means the work of the people. Our member Brian Singer couldn t be here today, but he has given me permission to share the haiku he created yesterday morning, a surprising memory about a difficult relationship, which perhaps, just perhaps, opens up a moment of forgiveness and mercy in his own heart. I ll read it twice through: Dad s rough hands fixing a new broken straw, a gift He was magic then. Dad s rough hands fixing a new broken straw, a gift He was magic then. 2 From Joosse, Mama, Do You Love Me?

5 5 And now, here with her own haiku, along with a poem from Unitarian Edwin Markham, is Jean Embree: Jean Embree: To Cherish Cherishing Large: The Dao Each morning sunrise Shadows fan to East and West Bringing only change. --Jean E. Cherishing Small: For My Artist Child Hold out your fingers Butterflies will touch and go In a moment blink. --Jean E. Cherishing Each Other: Outwitted He drew a circle that shut me out Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout, But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in! --Edwin Markham, Edwin Markham, the world-famous author of The Man with the Hoe and hundreds of other poems, graduated from San José Normal School (later San José State University) in 1872 when he was living at 432 South Eighth Street. While he and his mother lived there, he attended the First Unitarian Church. Was he here after our circular sanctuary opened in 1892 or did the architects of our beautiful building get the idea for the circle of our sanctuary from his poem? We don t

6 6 know, but it s a great connection! His house was later moved to History Park at 1630 Senter Road where it is now the headquarters of the San José Poetry Center. Rev. Nancy: Ellie White was inspired by that Edwin Markham poem to write this reflection on forgiveness and mercy and the power of love. Ellie White: HEART POWER : I draw hearts that seem to float in the air like a balloon. Unlike a circle that has to be drawn perfectly or it s no longer a circle, a hand-drawn heart can have its own individual look just as a heart organ can have unique traits. This brief story, in the end, leads to heart power. My neighbor friend and I walk in our foothills area at least two times a week and have a usual script pattern that we ve followed throughout our walks: over 75 percent of the time she talks and I listen. But our routine went off track, so to speak, when I interrupted her monologue in a way that seemed to be so hurtful to her that she abruptly stopped talking and parted company, later letting me know that she didn t want to walk with me anymore until further notice. So, as in Edwin Markham s poem, she drew a circle and shut me out. Several days later I wrote a long letter, thanking her for all she s done for me and explaining why I went bananas. I said I d been feeling kinda down for various reasons, including the unavailability of my husband Jeff as a sounding board since he d taken on the presidency of his Sons in Retirement organization and had become absorbed in his new duties. So I needed her to listen while I got things off my chest, just as she needed me as she unloaded her problems. I didn t send that letter; I just got my feelings down on paper. My neighbor friend had been so good to me that, aside from not getting my turn enough in our walk-and-talk sessions, her friendship was precious to me in our isolating hills area, and she seemed to need to talk way more than I did. Instead, as Valentine s Day was coming up, I folded a regular sheet of typing paper twice and drew a big red heart on the front of the paper. Inside I wrote, Happy Valentine s Day! Thank you for being a wonderful friend to me and I hope we can still be friends and walk together occasionally.and do call if you and/or Al (her husband) need a ride or anything. Our friendship is back on track, literally. My personal ending to Markham s poem would be Love and I had the art to win. We drew a heart and took her in. Rev. Nancy:

7 7 And finally, for another tale that involves a journey up a mountain, here is Bob Owen. Bob Owen: On the Mountain I was not happy. A beautiful day - clear sky, cool breeze - perfect for hiking - so I had gotten up early and packed my backpack tightly so it would appear small. I would confirm my strength, prove what I had said; I could get to the top of the mountain without flinching. But here I was, only half way up, and already tired. Straps were hurting and I was running low on water and energy. Instead of exhilaration, I was feeling defeat. Looking down the trail, I saw a fellow traveler gaining on me. Perhaps they could share some drink and renew my energy? The young woman was dressed all in white and had quite a large pack, yet seemed to walk effortlessly. I smiled but she did not notice, and slowed to walk behind me. Oh well! Then I was forced to slow down even more - I was actually impeding her - me with my heavy load. I could see she had the same brand of backpack as mine the popular Grudge brand. But hers was even bigger and packed quite full. How could she do it? This made me angrier still - how dare she be so patient? So I yelled, Go around - You! She slowed even more, and smiled, and said her name was actually Mercy. Whatever! But, how do you so effortlessly carry such a big pack? I have the same Grudge as you, but the straps are killing me! But mine is packed with forgiveness - it is lighter than air. Oh Ho! I had her now! But that gas is forbidden, it contributes to global warming! Yes, the global warming of hearts with love. Cold, icy hearts are melting the world around. She offered to share her forgiveness, so I slowly unpacked my load of hurt, shame, and self-justification and poured in the clear vapor of forgiveness. I turned to thank her, but she slowly dissolved into the thin mist. However, I heard her whisper, as she left, the ancient wisdom of the prophet Oooohmmm: Acceptance is just the complex part of Admittance. I will miss her, but she was right: by my admitting that I was carrying the heavy load of hurt by my own choice, it allowed me to set it down, and accept the alleged wrong that I so needed to forgive. Surely forgiveness and Mercy shall still follow me all the days of my life.

8 8 Prayerful Thoughts Rev. Nancy Palmer Jones with Sung Response (adapted from # 1037 We Begin Again in Love ) Introduction Many of us know about or participate in the Jewish season of confessing our mistakes and asking forgiveness that begins with Rosh Hashanah and runs through Yom Kippur the Days of Awe. Yesterday, at the workshop called Our Muslim Neighbors, many of us learned that Islam has a season of confession and forgiveness, too, occurring right now, as some Muslims prepare to go on hajj. But when do we Unitarian Universalists have such a season? Do we expect ourselves, if we are truly practicing our principles, to engage in it all year round? Or perhaps our season, here at the First Unitarian Church of San José, is this month, with its theme of Forgiveness and Mercy. Unitarian Universalists Rob Eller Isaacs and Les Kleen have written a litany of confession and forgiveness for us. I have changed the words this morning in order to express those mistakes that are weighing on my heart right now. Perhaps you will recognize some of yours in this litany too. As we sing our response We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love can we begin to really mean it? Naming where we fall short of our aspirations, and really forgiving ourselves and each other? For we always, always have the chance to begin again in love! Please join with me in this litany: (sung twice each time) For the times when we have forgotten to offer thanks before we offer helpful suggestions... For the times when, out of weariness or overwhelm, we respond with crankiness instead of compassion... For the times when our assumptions or prejudgments have made it hard to see the whole person who is right in front of us...

9 9 For the times when it has felt more important to be right than to be curious... For the times when we have avoided pain our own, each other s, the world s in order to preserve some false sense of safety, when truly our security lies in sharing the whole of life... For all the ways in which we lose sight of our unity and find ourselves stuck in the illusion of separateness... For the times when we have asked too much of ourselves and of each other, forgetting that we all need peace and rest as well as the call to act and serve... *Benediction Rev. Nancy Palmer Jones