Cool Dads and Corrupt Sons 1 Samuel 2:12-36 Dr. Ritch Boerckel June 19, 2016

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1 Cool Dads and Corrupt Sons 1 Samuel 2:12-36 Dr. Ritch Boerckel June 19, 2016 Today, we re taking a little bit of a break from our series in Romans. And we re going to think about dads, today. On Mother s Day we took a bit of a break and we talked about Hannah, this woman of grace from 1 Samuel 1. Today we re going to look at 1 Samuel 2, to look at Eli. Hannah was a positive example. And men, today we re going to have a negative example. So it s a little tougher on you, but I know you can handle it. So Eli is a negative example of a father, even though he is a Godly man, a redeemed man. But, he s a negative example. 12 Now the sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the LORD. 13 The custom of the priests with the people was that when any man offered sacrifice, the priest's servant would come, while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand, 14 and he would thrust it into the pan or kettle or cauldron or pot. All that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. This is what they did at Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. 15 Moreover, before the fat was burned, the priest's servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, Give meat for the priest to roast, for he will not accept boiled meat from you but only raw. 16 And if the man said to him, Let them burn the fat first, and then take as much as you wish, he would say, No, you must give it now, and if not, I will take it by force. 17 Thus the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the LORD, for the men treated the offering of the LORD with contempt. 18 Samuel was ministering before the LORD, a boy clothed with a linen ephod. 19 And his mother used to make for him a little robe and take it to him each year when she went up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice. 20 Then Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, and say, May the LORD give you children by this woman for the petition she asked of the LORD. So then they would return to their home. 21 Indeed the LORD visited Hannah, and she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters. And the boy Samuel grew in the presence of the LORD. 22 Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23 And he said to them, Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. 24 No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the LORD spreading abroad. 25 If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the LORD, who can intercede for him? But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the LORD to put them to death. 26 Now the boy Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the LORD and also with man. 27 And there came a man of God to Eli and said to him, Thus says the LORD, Did I indeed reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt subject to the house of Pharaoh? 28 Did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? I gave to the house of your father all my offerings by fire from the people of Israel. 29 Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel? 30 Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me forever, but now the LORD declares: Far be it from me, for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed. 31 Behold, the days are coming when I will cut off your strength and the strength of your father's house, so that there will not be an old man in your house. 32 Then in distress you will look with envious eye on all the prosperity that shall be bestowed on Israel, and there shall not be an old man in your house forever. 33 The only one of you whom I shall not cut off from my altar shall be spared to weep his eyes out to grieve his heart, and all the descendants of your house shall die by the sword of men. 34 And this that shall come upon your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, shall be the sign to

2 you: both of them shall die on the same day. 35 And I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who shall do according to what is in my heart and in my mind. And I will build him a sure house, and he shall go in and out before my anointed forever. 36 And everyone who is left in your house shall come to implore him for a piece of silver or a loaf of bread and shall say, Please put me in one of the priests' places, that I may eat a morsel of bread. May God encourage us through His Word, today! Let s ask that God would help us to gain much encouragement and benefit from this negative example of Eli regarding fatherhood. Today we look at the life of Eli, this Old Testament priest, to discuss the topic Cool Dads and Corrupt Sons. Admittedly, there are various definitions regarding what constitutes a cool dad. Some think a cool dad is simply one who relates well with his children and is his children s friend, and is able to carry on a positive conversation. Others think a cool dad is one who stays really fit, who dresses with style, who looks really young. There is nothing wrong with these definitions of cool, and nothing wrong with pursuing these kinds of coolness as a dad. But when I was growing up, many of my peers seemed to define cool differently. They defined coolness in their parents, specifically in their dad, as a dad who was permissive, tolerant, lenient. So a teen would throw a party at their house and they would say, Bring beer. Bring alcohol. And you don t have to worry, my dad is cool. In other words, my dad is going to turn a blind eye to all the goings on, and so you don t have to worry about getting in trouble. In my day, my peers understood that most dads weren t cool. And so they really appreciated dads who were. Cool dads really wanted to maintain their status. These cool dads didn t necessarily encourage immoral behavior directly, so much as they made room for it, or allow for it. Kids will be kids was sort of the attitude. They simply stayed out of the way to let their sons and daughters do what their sons and daughters wanted to do. So the common perception back then at least, was that it was not cool for dads to get in the face of their sons and daughters and seek to restrain moral wickedness. It is in this sense, that this Old Testament priest named Eli, was a cool dad. Eli lived at the end of the era in Israel at the time of the Judges. It was a particularly dark time for Israel. God describes this time as one in which everyone did what was right in his own eyes. (Judges 21:25) So there was a downward spiral of moral degeneration. There was a time of spiritual apostasy, of moving away from the Lord. The whole nation was giving itself over to sexual immorality and to false worship, in particular. Our own time is increasingly becoming like that of Eli s day. In the midst of this, Eli was an honorable man. He was an honorable man in many respects, especially when we consider the temptations and the darkness in which he lived. The scripture does not record that Eli himself participated in any of the sins of his own generation; false worship or sexual immorality. He seems to be a man who was diligent in his priestly duties. He doesn t engage in stealing from the people. He doesn t participate in drinking to excess. He doesn t run around with other women. He remains faithful to his wife. He is used by God to train up godly Samuel, who was coming along as a young man in his household. He doesn t have resentment toward Samuel though he knows from a message from God, that Samuel would be his replacement as the spiritual leader in Israel. Eli sincerely worships God. He is a redeemed man who is concerned for his walk with God. There is much, much, much to commend about Eli s life. And yet here we are, talking about Eli as a negative example on Father s Day. Though Eli is a priest commissioned by God to set the spiritual tone and direction for the whole country, Eli neglects to set up the spiritual direction for his own family. He lacks moral and spiritual authority in his own home and with his own sons. So, he s not a dad who is going to tell his sons, No. Eli is respectable in many ways. He s not a bad guy, but he is a bad dad. The principle I think right away, stepping back from this story, is that simply being a good man does not make one a good dad. I think that is important for fathers who are in church on this Sunday. We re not talking about dads who just walked away from the Lord and have no interest in worship and no interest in obedience. We re talking about a dad who did have interest in worship and who did have interest in

3 obedience. And yet he failed and failed miserably as a dad. He actually was judged sharply and painfully for it. There is more to being a good father than simply avoiding the excesses of moral depravity in our culture. There is more to being a good father than reading our Bibles, going to church, serving in ministry, keeping our noses clean from the worst sins of our culture and having a heart of love for the Lord. God uses negative examples to teach us, as well as positive ones. We saw the positive example of a woman of grace with Hannah. And today we see a negative example of fatherhood from Eli. Paul, when he talks about the people of Israel, and big portions of the Old Testament have been written, he says, This is the purpose for which these Old Testament stories are written. He says in 1 Corinthians 10: Now all these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did. (1 Corinthians 10:6 ESV) In other words, God wants us to read these stories and learn from them; learn what it means to really worship the Lord, to listen to God s call and to grab hold of what God s plan is for us. He s particularly talking about the nation of Israel as they are going through the Exodus, in this passage. He goes on to say in verses 11 and 12: Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come. Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. (1 Corinthians 10:11-12 ESV) In other words, God had a reason why He had ordained that the Holy Spirit would lead holy prophets to write down these stories. They are for our instruction. In other words, let s look at a guy like Eli and say, That guy was a really good guy. He was a very Godly guy. He was a redeemed man. And before we can start saying, I m going to be a great dad, just naturally, let s take a moment. Because a good man like Eli was caught up in a really unhealthy form of fathering. And so, let s take heed lest we fall. So that s the point, I believe, at least one of the points of this story. So what does God call us as dads to be? What does God call us as dads to do? There are a couple of calls that we want to think about from Eli s story. There s much more of course to be said about God s call upon dads, but let s look at Eli s story to find out some of the things that we learn. Call #1: To care more for our children s relationship with God than anything else in their lives. This is first. Before we are concerned about anything else in their life, physical health, social development, emotional stability, academic achievement, athletic prowess, anything else, you name it, that we are rightly concerned about for our kids lives, the very first thing, the primary thing, is that our children would know the Lord. That s why verse 12 is so very sad. Now the sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the Lord. (1 Samuel 2:12 ESV) This is an indictment upon Eli s sons, but it s also an indictment upon Eli. It is true that a Godly dad who fulfills God s call, may have rotten sons. So, this message is not to say if the product is not Godly children then you must have somehow failed. But the lesson from this passage is that God does have a process that we need to be faithful to, a responsibility. In order to have good results, we need a miracle from the Lord to work in our children s hearts. We know that. We re dependent upon the miracle of the Gospel to do a work. But God does give us responsibilities to be His tool in feeding the Gospel both through our instruction of our lips, but also through the example of our life and our relationship, how we relate to our children. And so, to be sure, a person can have fulfilled all the responsibilities as a Godly parent, and still have a son or daughter that is rebellious. It requires God s internal working. But, this story helps us reflect Am I being faithful to all those responsibilities? Am I learning all that God would have me to learn in order to be the kind of dad that would be a blessing, a spiritual blessing to my children?

4 Now the context here flows out of chapter 1. In chapter 1 we find Eli meeting this sweet young woman named Hannah. She is aching over the circumstance of not having borne any children. She s been trying and trying and still no children are being produced in her womb. All the while, her husband s other wife is bearing children and then rubbing Hannah s nose in the fact that she is barren while this other wife is fruitful. And so Hannah is miserable. And she goes to Shiloh, where the Ark of the Covenant is. That s where the worship of God occurs, His localized presence. She is in the temple and she is pouring her heart out to the Lord in anguished prayer. And Eli is the priest who oversees the ministry of the temple. Eli then approaches her. And we read in verses 9 and 10 of 1 Samuel 1: After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head. As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. And Eli said to her, How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you. (1 Samuel 1:9 14 ESV) She is in such anguish that she is not even vocalizing her prayer. Have you ever had that kind of prayer? Where you are just in such anguish that all you can do is just mouth the words? That s the way Hannah is. So Eli looks at her and imagines that she must just be drunk with wine. She s in the temple and acting crazy. And so he approaches her and the first question he asks her is, How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you. Can you imagine the insensitivity of the situation? This is not a good first impression that Eli is making with Hannah. He s undiscerning. He s critical. He s unloving. He s impatient. He s overly confident in his own personal interpretations at what is happening inside of Hannah s heart. But look how Hannah answers. But Hannah answered, No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation. Then Eli answered, Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him. And she said, Let your servant find favor in your eyes. Then the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad. (1 Samuel 1:15 18 ESV) There s that term that is used in chapter 2, verse 12, of Eli s own sons. It is Hannah proclaiming herself not to be worthless in the same context later in the story of Eli s sons being proclaimed to be worthless. I believe it is set right here in the story to help us see that Eli has his eyes off of his home. He has such concern. Here is this woman who is a worthless woman. He treats her like a worthless woman. That word worthless means wicked, or empty, or vain. It means devoid of God. And he is so concerned about her, but all the while, he doesn t see that living in his own house are his two sons who really are worthless. And he s not saying anything. He s approaching this woman immediately, confrontationally, critically, forcefully in the temple, but he doesn t approach his own sons who day after day are living worthless lives. So here is sweet Hannah. Don t consider me as a worthless woman. Well, Eli finally gets it. Again, he is a Godly man. He s insensitive. There are some things in his soul that aren t right, but he s a Godly, redeemed man. After she goes away, she conceives and she eventually gives birth to Samuel. And so in verse 11 we find Elkanah goes home to Ramah after having delivered Samuel over to Eli. Eli is going to care for Samuel and raise him. Samuel is about three or four years of age. He is delivered over to Eli and is now ministering in the temple. And it says in chapter 2, verse 11: And the boy ministered to the LORD in the presence of Eli the priest. (1 Samuel 2:11 ESV)

5 And then it says: Now the sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the Lord. (1 Samuel 2:12 ESV) Again, there is this great contrast. Here is this young boy that God had sovereignly ordained to be the next priest, to be the next spiritual leader. And he s just a young boy, but already, he is leaps and bounds spiritually beyond these grown men, these grown sons. And there is a great contrast between the righteousness of Samuel and the unrighteousness of Eli s own boys. Now as you look at verse 12, recognize and observe that these two boys are called simply the sons of Eli. It s interesting because in 1 Samuel 1:3 the sons of Eli have already been named. They are Hophni and Phineas. And there s a reason today why parents don t typically name their sons Hophni or Phineas. Because in this story, they are worthless men. It s not something that I would recommend to you. There are a lot of names out there. Choose something other than Hophni or Phineas. But they are already named. So why, when we come to verse 12, why doesn t God ordain for the prophet to write, And Hophni and Phineas were worthless men? Why does he say, And the sons of Eli were worthless men? I believe the answer is that God is drawing our attention to Eli s failed responsibility. These sons are a reproach to Eli as the result of Eli s neglect in their spiritual development. And he wants us to know that these are not just Hophni and Phineas. These are the sons of Eli. Eli focused upon his work in the Temple making sacrifices, but he did not focus on his work in his home growing his sons. He describes them as worthless men. In Scripture, that word worthless is often associated with wickedness. So for instance, in Proverbs, A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, (Proverbs 6:12 ESV) A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. (Proverbs 16:27 ESV) In other words, if you give yourself over to wickedness, to sin, you re going to end up living a worthless, vain, empty life. The reason why God promotes righteousness, one reason, is so that we would not live empty, meaningless, worthless lives. That we would have lives filled with meaning, filled with purpose. And that purpose would be connected to God, Himself, bringing Him glory, enjoying Him now and forever and ever. But that was not the description of Eli s sons. They were worthless men. And why were they worthless men? Because they did not know the Lord. If we don t know the Lord, the God of eternity, the God who created us, the God who enjoys us, then we don t know any purpose. We have no value in our life. Our lives become empty, void of meaning, void of purpose, because the chief purpose that God created us for is so that we would know Him and that we would enjoy Him today and forever and ever. Dads, let me ask you: How important is it to you that your sons and daughters know the Lord? How important is that to you? God has naturally set in the heart of dads, a love for his children. God has naturally set in the heart of dads a desire that his sons and daughters would live lives of meaning, and lives of purpose, lives of significance, that they wouldn t live worthless lives. Dad s, how important is it to you that your sons and daughters know the Lord? Is that in focus? Is that in view? That s what connects your sons and daughters to a purposeful, meaningful, significant life. It s what rescues your sons and daughters from a worthless kind of life. The greatest role a dad can have in the life of his children is to point them to Jesus as their Savior and Lord so that they can know God personally. That s it! That s the bottom line. That s the central focus. Everything is built upon this. It s the greatest role a dad can possibly have in the life of his sons and daughters. Let s go through a practical exercise for a moment. If I asked you this morning to choose, and I know this is a false dichotomy, but we re going to set it up anyway because I want us to think about our priorities.

6 How focused are we on this, that our sons and daughters would know the Lord? So if you had to choose between having a: 1. Son or daughter who gets straight A s and graduates from the best college in the nation, summa cum laude, but does not know God. Or, you have a son or daughter who just struggles terribly from kindergarten all throughout their academic career in school, but who knows the Lord. What would you choose? 2. Son or daughter who reaches the highest heights of athletic achievement. They are so skilled and they have so much achievement that every big university in the nation is clamoring to sign your son or daughter, offering a full ride and more. The more is under the table, there. But that son or daughter doesn t know God. Or, you have a son or daughter who all their athletic life sits on the bench. They hardly ever get to play anything. But they delight in the Lord. Which would you choose? 3. Son or daughter who grows up into young adulthood, and they get this amazing job. They are amazingly talented, amazingly gifted and it is recognized by large corporations. They get this amazing position. It s the kind of position that you love telling others about because it just makes you proud that they re even in it, let alone so successful in that, so secure financially, so stable in their work. But that son or daughter doesn t know the Lord. Or, you have a son or daughter who reaches middle of adulthood, and all their life they struggle with maintaining a job. But they just love the Lord with all their heart, all their life, all their soul and all their strength. Which would you choose? Of course, these things are not mutually exclusive. That s not my point. My point is for us to think about what is my number 1 priority? Because it affects what we do with our children this week. It affects what plans we have for them for their summer and for their fall and for their breaks and their vacations. It affects our conversations with them; what we talk to them about, what we encourage them toward, what we correct them in. When I was a young dad, I m so thankful that God, in His grace, got a hold of my heart in this. He used my dad. I m looking forward to seeing my dad again in heaven someday. I knew that the only thing my dad cared about was that I would know God. I knew that. And I began to pray when my kids were little, Lord, do anything you want in their life, but let them know You. Let them worship You. And I m thankful that God gave me that heart and awakened me because it affected deeply and profoundly, not as a perfect dad, perhaps not even as a great dad, but it affected me profoundly in many of the decisions that we made in regard to our children. Why would we pray a prayer like that? Lord, regardless of anything else that happens good in our sons lives, let them know You. Let them grow to know You. Well, there are a couple reasons. Reason #1: Because in the practical view, knowing God is the first thing that matters. Every other quality that I hope for my children to possess flows from the knowledge of God. I do believe that if children grow to know God, they re also going to grow in wisdom and in responsibility and in their moral ethics, in their relationships. So knowing God doesn t hinder our children from becoming all that God intends them to be. It rather enhances it. It enables all other good pursuits. Perhaps more profoundly, I prayed this prayer because Reason #2: Because in the eternal view, knowing God is the only thing that matters. Our children will one day grow old and they will die. If the Rapture doesn t occur, they will die. Their life here in this world will be over, just like our life will be over. And what then? What really is important, then? At that point, our children stand before God to give an account of their lives. And God is not going to be impressed with all the other things that we as parents often get impressed with or excited about. They hear the question: Do you know Me? That s it! The whole of eternity is going to be based on that happy question. Do you know Me? That s the reason why this is the only thing that really matters. It s the only thing that affects our children forever. This is what God says through the prophet Jeremiah:

7 Thus says the Lord: Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:23-24 ESV) So don t boast in your wisdom or in your might or in your riches. All of those things the world takes notice of and says, This is what we want for ourselves and for our children. Let us boast in this: that our children know and understand the Lord. I know there are a lot of appropriate bumper stickers that a parent might put on their vehicle to say that they re proud of their children. Things like My child is a straight A student. My child is an Eagle Scout. My child is all those things. I ve not seen one yet that says, My child knows the Lord. And that s the thing to boast in. It s not a boast because we have accomplished that. It s a boast because of God s grace. That s what we want to be able to talk about with others when they say, What s happening in your child s life? They re walking with God! That s the only thing that really matters. Eli took his eye off that ball, and when he did, he lost his sons forever. Not just for a lifetime. He lost his sons forever. What a sobering thing! Thankfully, God has given us parents the Gospel so that we can teach the Gospel to our children and prayerfully petition the Sovereign God of grace to open up their hearts and to infuse them with His life in their spirit. To redeem them and to bring new life, bring regeneration to their souls. Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. (1 Corinthians 1:20-21 ESV) God s values are not ours! Knowledge of God won t come through wisdom; what we learn about in this world. We preach Christ and Him crucified! That s the Gospel that is central to our homes when we have a desire for our children to know the Lord. Of course, again, we cannot make that happen. It s a miracle of God s grace that God would use us to be instruments in His hands to bring the Gospel to our children. And it begins with this desire. Call #2: Make great efforts to restrain sin in our children s lives. We read this story in 1 Samuel 2:13-17 and we recognize that even if you may not have a lot of information about what was required of the priests, you get the idea that something unsavory was taking place with the meat. The priests were told by God that they were allowed to take some of the meat. That s how the priests were paid. That s how they survived. God had said, I want a whole section of people in Israel just simply devoted to worship and for the focus of God. And so everyone else was to provide some meat through their sacrifices, that would provide for the families of these priests. But Hophni and Phineas decided that the bit of meat that was survival rations was not enough. We want more! And so they particularly disobeyed the Lord by taking much in quantity forcefully, threateningly, and particularly doing that before the fat was offered to the Lord. The custom of the priests with the people was that when any man offered sacrifice, the priest s servant would come, while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand, and he would thrust it into the pan or kettle or cauldron or pot. All that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. This is what they did at Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. Moreover, before the fat was burned, the priest s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, Give meat for the priest to roast, for he will not accept boiled meat from you but only raw. And if the man said to him, Let them burn the fat first, and then take as much as you wish, he would say, No, you must give it now, and if not, I will take it by force. Thus the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the Lord, for the men treated the offering of the Lord with contempt. (1 Samuel 2:13 17 ESV)

8 With boiled meat, you don t get as much on the fork as you do with raw meat. So they wanted the raw meat so they could have more. All through Scripture we learn this principle that what we do when we worship the Lord is very important to God. God is holy and He cares about how He is approached. He cares about what we think as we approach Him. If we don t approach Him in the path of His grace, in the path that He has provided for us, we will die. That s the message. That s how holy He is. He cares about how we worship and He cares about who we worship. And how we think about Him when we approach Him. Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. (1 Samuel 2:22 ESV) At this point, we re introduced to a second sin, not just the sin of false worship, but the second sin that Hophni and Phineas engaged in. And Eli kept hearing story after story after story all that his sons were doing to all Israel. They were engaging in sexual immorality with these young women who came to the Temple to worship God. It was deplorable! It was horrid! And he kept hearing story after story that this is what these men were doing in taking advantage of these women. Some dads do not make great efforts to restrain evil in their son s lives. And there s a lot of reasons why they might not. Some don t because they re really not zealous for righteousness themselves. They say, Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. It s the way of the world. I don t think that s Eli. I think he really did care about the true worship of his sons and about sexual purity. Some dads don t make efforts to restrain evil in their sons because they are too distracted by other things. They re just busy! So they ve taken their eye off of their home. And I think that s partially what is happening here. Eli is always in the temple and he s not that focused on what is happening in his children s lives. But God calls him to have that focus. The main reason that dads don t make efforts to restrain evil in their sons, especially their growing sons, you know, teenagers and beyond, is because they are very afraid of their children s response. And I think this is really Eli. If I confront sin in my sons lives, they may reject me. They may flash back with all kinds of hurtful words to me. They may never want to talk to me again and never visit me. They might not give me a Father s Day card. They may cut off relationship from me, and I don t want that. I m not going to allow that to happen, so I m just going to turn my eyes the other way. And he said to them, Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the Lord spreading abroad. If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him? But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death. (1 Samuel 2:23 25 ESV) Eli finally, after it builds, builds, builds up. After a long delay, way beyond what was appropriate. He finally approaches his sons. Notice the sensitivity he still has. I m hearing rumors He s not even focused on their actions yet. He s just saying that these stories that are being told are not a good report. Still, he doesn t confront them directly. He has sort of two imaginary circumstances. He s right! He s doctrinally correct and he s even Gospel-centered regarding these two circumstances in his point. But his sons would not listen to their father. God was working a work of judgment and hardening their hearts. Eli is not totally passive. He does have this conversation. But he is too passive. He is way, way too passive. And yet, we have to acknowledge that Eli does appropriately make a Gospel argument with his sons. He does point them to the need for sacrifices, the need for forgiveness from God, the standard of God in righteousness and the provision of God through the sacrificial system, which all points to Jesus Christ. So there is something positive we can learn from Eli s words, but he was way too late and it was way too little. What Eli needed to do was he needed to stir up a Godly passion for righteousness and holiness. He needed to have a Godly concern over his children suffering underneath the just penalty of their own sins. One example of that kind of zeal is the Apostle Paul in Romans 9 when he writes about his concern for his own

9 brothers and sisters who have rejected Jesus as the Messiah and are continuing on in self-righteousness, hoping that God would forgive them. Listen to what the Apostle Paul says in Romans 9. Catch the zeal. This is the zeal that we are to have for our children. I am speaking the truth in Christ I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. (Romans 9:1-3 ESV) That s his communication. And Eli s sons didn t get that message. Hophni and Phineas I need to tell you that I have incredible sorrow over your life. It is a sorrow that is so deep, so profound, so painful that I can t even begin to describe it. And it is unceasing anguish. From the time I get up in the morning all the way through to the end of my day, I can t be free of the anguish that my soul feels for you. That s the kind of zeal that Eli needed for his sons. That s the kind of zeal that we need for our children as well. Paul was saying that if it would mean that they would come to know Christ and be saved, I myself would be willing to suffer underneath a curse, because I love them so much. That s the kind of zeal that says, I may suffer for my pursuit of your salvation. You might cut me off for the rest of my life. You might not ever talk to me again. But I have to pursue you. I would rather be cursed by you than to have you go forever and ever away from God and into His condemnation. I have to pursue you. I have to find a way towards you. That doesn t mean that you are mean-spirited, critical, forceful, banging doors open, but it means saying, I cannot let this rest. I have to continue to move forward. When we talk about sin with our sons or daughters, we must keep the Gospel central. I think Eli does this in part. We re not merely trying to help our sons and daughters live moral lives. We re seeking to help our sons and daughters to know God and to live worshiping lives. There s very, very little value for a child to grow up to live a moral life if that same son or daughter doesn t know God, because their eternity is the same. Their present relationship to God is the same. Now the boy Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and also with man. (1 Samuel 2:26 ESV) In the midst of all this is this great contrast. Here is the encouragement that it can be done, that the Gospel is powerful. But Eli is way too passive with his sons. His responses sort of wane. I believe Eli abhorred the sins of his sons, but he didn t revere the Lord enough to act in a manner that honored the Lord. How do we know that Eli was too passive? Are we being too harsh with him? Let s keep reading the story. The story always helps to clear things up. And there came a man of God to Eli and said to him, Thus says the Lord, Did I indeed reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt subject to the house of Pharaoh? Did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? I gave to the house of your father all my offerings by fire from the people of Israel. Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel? (1 Samuel 2:27 29 ESV) So, God sends a man with a word for Eli. God is saying, Didn t I give to you and your family the priesthood? I gave you this privileged position of mediating for the people to Me through the sacrificial system. Eli, why do you, Eli, scorn my sacrifices? Some of the responsibility of the sin of false worship lays at the feet of Eli. The issue is, Eli honored his sons above God. It appears that Eli was brought into compromise as well. His sons were stealing the food, but then they d come home and cook it and Eli would be there. It seems like what is happening here is Eli is eating some of the food that they stole. Later, when Eli dies, the description is that Eli, when he falls off his seat, is old and heavy, old and fat. (1 Samuel 4:18) Well, how does a priest get fat? All they have is food that is given to them from the sacrificial system that is supposed to be on a subsistence basis. Well, it s because he had been eating the offerings, the meat that his sons had been stealing. He hasn t been participating in the stealing, but he s been participating in the eating. And that s why God says, You honor your sons above me. This led to disaster in Eli s home.

10 We do not bless our children by loving them above the Lord. We bless our children by loving the Lord above them. I m thankful that I grew up in a home in which I knew my dad s priorities. I knew that God was first. God was first above my mom. God was first above us kids. This did not diminish our security in my dad s love, but it strengthened it. I never felt any pressure upon me to perform to encourage my dad to continue in his loving kindness because I knew his loving kindness flowed out of his love for God, a God who never changes and a God who is always worthy of love. God was talking to my dad and my dad was listening and passing it on to me. And that s a blessed home! Two areas are discussed here of the sins, that I think are important to look at as we step back from this. Those areas are false worship and sexual immorality. It is as though God points these sins out because they are particular disruptions in God s pleasure. And I think those sins, by the way, are the same sins that often, frequently, dads turn a blind eye to in our 21 st Century culture. False worship. They begin to stray away from the Gospel. I m not going to talk about that. It s too sensitive. Sexual immorality. Well, that s just sort of the culture. It s what everyone is doing, so I m not going to talk about it. If I do, I know what would happen. Dads, let me ask you: Are you leading your children in your attitudes and actions about these two vital areas of life? We begin of course when they are Toddlers and continue to their teen years and then when they re in their 20 s and beyond. There is never a time when this responsibility is over. Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me forever, but now the Lord declares: Far be it from me, for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed. Behold, the days are coming when I will cut off your strength and the strength of your father s house, so that there will not be an old man in your house. Then in distress you will look with envious eye on all the prosperity that shall be bestowed on Israel, and there shall not be an old man in your house forever. The only one of you whom I shall not cut off from my altar shall be spared to weep his eyes out to grieve his heart, and all the descendants of your house shall die by the sword of men. And this that shall come upon your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, shall be the sign to you: both of them shall die on the same day. And I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who shall do according to what is in my heart and in my mind. And I will build him a sure house, and he shall go in and out before my anointed forever. And everyone who is left in your house shall come to implore him for a piece of silver or a loaf of bread and shall say, Please put me in one of the priests places, that I may eat a morsel of bread. (1 Samuel 2:30 36 ESV) In these verses, we see the curse that God places upon Eli and his home. In short, what He says is, Eli, because of this, I m going to cut your family off so that there won t be a person that grows to be old in your family again. And I m going to cut you out of this line to be a priest, this privileged place. And furthermore, Eli, you know those two sons that you ve been trying to be so protective over? They re going to die on the same day. All that happened because Eli was not attentive to being used in the way God intended. If you skip forward to 1 Samuel 3, this is key here. I want to give you some practical thoughts before we close. On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. (1 Samuel 3:12 13 ESV) God is going to place Samuel in the place of Eli. God makes a clear call for dads to restrain sin in our children s lives. Now we can t make our children love and obey the Lord. But we can take great efforts in the process to restrain sins that would dishonor God and bring judgment upon their lives. How do we do that practically? Do we speak really angrily? Do we raise our voices? Do we smack them around a little bit? Do we tell them how awful they are and what a disappointment they ve been to us and what an embarrassment they are to our family? No! That s not God s intention. That s all fleshly, too. I want to point your attention to Ephesians 6.

11 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 ESV) Whatever you do, don t do something that will necessarily stir up anger. Sometimes righteous deeds will stir up anger, but oftentimes, we act in the flesh to find spiritual solutions to spiritual problems. And the flesh will never bring those about. Whatever you do, make sure you don t provoke your children to anger. That means you clothe yourself with the Gospel. Clothe yourself with Jesus so that His love, His kindness, His mercy, His patience, His gentleness all flows through you. How do you do that? Well, let me give you some practical considerations and then we ll close. 1. Build relationship with your children. Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. There must be connection before there is correction. So enter into their world. Laugh with them. Have fun. Respect them. Show interest in their lives and their loves. Let me just give you one illustration of this. My sons, like a lot of sons, they enjoy playing video games, and I cannot play a video game. I don t know how. Literally! My son once said, I found a game I think you d like. It s a Soccer game. Well, he was killing me. I was not scoring any. So he said, I ll tell you what, dad. I ll just set my controller over here so that you can kind of get used to it. We played a whole game that way and it ended up tied, 0-0. {Laughter!} But I know he has a love for them. So recently, one of my sons got a game and said, Dad, I think you could play this. It s pretty simple. It s basketball. I still get beat, but I can play it. Why do I play it? Because I like video games? No! They still frustrate me. I still don t understand them. Why do I play it? Because it s a connecting point for relationship with my sons. That s the only reason. And I ll continue to play it. And maybe someday I ll win. Build relationship. A bridge does not have to meet in the middle to reach the other side. And oftentimes we say, Well, the problem with the relationship is them. It might be them! There s a huge amount of blame to lay at Eli s sons. But if it requires for me to build the entire bridge from my side all the way to them, and if I can do that, I m going to find every way possible to build that bridge. I m not going to say, Meet me in the middle. That s what a dad does. 2. Keep the Gospel of grace central in your pleadings with them. Point them to Jesus. Cause them to think more about Jesus as their Savior and Lord, than they even do about their own sins. Give them hope, hope of a Deliverer. Believe that the Gospel is more powerful than your rules to bring about a change. 3. Heap encouragement and love upon your children. Too many dads provoke their children to wrath by neglecting verbal encouragement. A long time ago, I didn t get permission, so I m going to really try to hide the identity. But a while ago, I came downstairs and my son had a big pizza party and boxes were all over the place the next morning. And I thought I was pretty gentle. I said, Hey! You should pick up the boxes. Why didn t you pick up the boxes? And my son looked at me and said, Dad, I can t do anything right, can I? I got it! Now that wasn t the right response from my son, but that really doesn t matter to me. Here s the issue. Somehow, I had not been communicating enough respect, esteem and encouragement. That s the problem. That s the issue. And if I began to own that, which I did, I saw a change in relationship. The whole thing happened not because of my son s rebellion, but because I as a dad, forgot and took my eye off of heaping encouragement upon them, which they need. It is right and just. 4. Require what God requires and hold every other desire lightly. In other words, let s ask: Is this from God or is this just me? Am I just being selfish, here?

12 5. Schedule time to listen well individually and personally to each child often. Again, this is true from Toddlers in their kind of fun babbling, to Teenagers, and into their 20 s and beyond. Listen before you speak. I m a pastor. I m a preacher. It s what I do. And I recognized you know what, Ritch? It s just time to be quiet and listen. Otherwise, you won t be able to help your children. 6. Pray with and for your children. Open God s Word to them. Bring the resources of God. 7. Love your children s mom. You want to be able to set a stage in which you can instruct and give nurture from the Lord and not provoke, then make sure that that relationship is solid and they see your esteem of their mom. They love their mom. 8. Consider often God s call upon your life as a dad. Don t push this into the background of your life, but keep it present and center. It s the greatest, richest, sweetest responsibility that we have. May God bless us as we live for Him!