Exodus 20:1-6 Know What You Believe and Why You Believe It April 17, 2016 Last week we started a sermon series focusing on seven principles of

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1 Exodus 20:1-6 Know What You Believe and Why You Believe It pril 17, 2016 Last week we started a sermon series focusing on seven principles of emotional health. The first principle was to look beneath the surface for like an iceberg, there are huge chunk of who we are that remain hidden beneath the surface that need to be brought into the light for us to authentically live as children of the light. Today we re going to see how the past is related to the present. We re going to see how the family in which we grew up has a lot to do with how we re put together beneath the surface. The bible teaches us that both blessings and curses can be passed on from generation to generation. We need to recognize the mistakes in our family history, and be willing to be reparented by God, so we do not pass, what psychologists call, the broken baton, to the next generation. I recently watched a movie, Frankie & lice. It is inspired by a true story about a woman, Frankie Murdock (Halle Berry), who had dissociative identity disorder, also known as multiple personality disorder. Upon receiving psychiatric care from Dr. Oz (Stellan Scarsgard), it was discovered that she had two personalities, besides her core personality. One personality was a child whom Dr. Oz affectionately called Genius, as her IQ test was in the 150s, notably higher than Frankie s average score in the upper 120 s. The second personality s name was lice. Much of the movie is spent trying to find out what traumatic event happened to Frankie that resulted in her psychiatric condition. SPOILER LERT! By the end of the movie it is discovered the traumatic event came from her experience as a teen. Frankie had become pregnant with a boy named Pete, who was the son of her employer. When it came time to give birth, her mother (Phylicia Rashad) assisted her in the birth in the privacy of a motel room. Frankie s mother, upon seeing the child was bi-racial, whisked it away, never to be seen again. Presumably her mother killed the child, but it s not 100% clear even to Frankie. So at the end of the movie Frankie asks Dr. Oz, Do you think my mama killed her? The doctor gives an answer that assures us the importance of looking in our past, when he answers, I think all of us have to face something we ve done: mistakes we ve made, things we ve allowed to happen, things that would have happened anyway. But I don t think it s the blame that s important. I think it s the facing of it. If we don t, there s no chance ever for us to become whole. Our past forms us into who we are, but it s not just what we have experienced directly that forms us, it s the history of our families and other important influences in our lives, which help shape us. So it s important for us to look back, not to cast blame, but to make us whole. That is, fully who God made us to be. s Italian philosopher, George Santayana warns, Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Today we will find this truth is not only evident in the history we learn in school, but the history we are intimately connected to through our family of origin. Today s reading recounts when God spoke the Ten Commandments. For Israel there is nothing more elemental or fundamental than the commands that intend to shape and order the world according to the radical and distinctive vision of the God of the exodus. They are a gift from God to the people of Israel to structure their common life, and to shape individual lives that are worthy of God who has rescued them and with whom they are in covenant. They should not be read as a divine finger-wagging or moral hand-slapping, for to be bound in covenant with God is to be set free to live as God s people. God s gift of the law to Israel is a means of protecting the community, now that they are no longer slaves, and opening a path to the flourishing of life, both communal and individually.

2 We heard the first two commandments today, I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them (20:1-5a). It is pretty explicit, they are to worship only the God who rescued Israel from slavery. The results of neglecting these two laws are likewise explicit, as it goes on to say for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me. (5b) So the sins of the parents are passed on and repeated for as many as four generations. We see this played out in the biblical stories time and time again, as is the case for the ever faithful braham. If we review Genesis from when this biblical patriarch was first introduced in chapter 12 to the end of the book, we find patterns. Next slide you will find what is called a genogram of braham s family (see copy of slide below). genogram is kind of like a family tree but you add to it other information so that you can find patterns in the family. For example in braham s genogram we see at least three common patterns flowing throughout the generations. The first pattern I draw your attention to is the dishonesty, illustrated by the Ls placed in the squares and circles of the genogram. For example braham, fearing that the rulers upon seeing Sarah s beauty would have him killed, lied not once (Genesis 12) but twice (Genesis 20), saying she wasn t his wife. Isaac, for the same reason, lied saying Rebecca was not his wife (Genesis 26). nd of course there was their son Jacob, whose very name means deceiver. With the help of his mother, he lived up to his name as he deceived his father Isaac, in order that gain the blessing due the oldest son, Esau (Genesis 27). nd finally the fourth generation, ten of Jacob s sons, rather than admit they sold their younger brother as a slave, told their father that his son, Joseph, was dead.(genesis 37). second pattern is the pattern of favoritism depicted by the letter in the favored males of the genogram. braham favored Ishmael, as he was his first born through the maid servant Hagar. However, Sarah had him removed from the family, in order that her favored son, Isaac would receive what the traditionally the first born would gain upon braham s death. Isaac becomes a father of twins, who favored the manly son, Esau, while his wife Rebecca helps her favored son, Jacob, to rob his brother of his blessing through deceit. nd Jacob, becoming a father himself, grew up to favor the two children birthed by his favorite wife, Rachel, Joseph and Benjamin. third pattern arises when you look at sibling rivalry this is depicted on the genogram as a white slash. Notice there is one between Ishmael and Isaac, as Ishmael was completely removed along with his mother Hagar, from the family tree. Keep in mind the rab nation is descended from Ishmael and the Jews descended from Isaac. So the divisive tension between the brothers continues in the Middle East between the rabs and Jews. Of course we all know about the animosity between Esau and Jacob after Jacob stole Esau s blessing. nd finally there was Joseph who suffered an extreme form of sibling rivalry, as he was sold into slavery by his brothers from another mother. So yes we can see how, as it says in today s scripture that, God will punish the children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me. Perhaps it isn t so much as a punishment instituted by God, but a revisiting of the sins that get imprinted in our family lineage. Does that mean that I am doomed to pass the broken baton I was given, on to the next generation?

3 Not so fast for there is an escape clause in verse 6 of today s reading, where it says, BUT, showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments. So you have the possibility of turning things around by loving God and keeping the commandments, to which it goes far beyond three or four generations, it reverberates for thousands of generations. But in order to experience this promise, we need to first identify the patterns in our own famiily of origin. nd yet, just knowing the patterns isn t enough, we need to be open to being reparented by God. Paul reminds us in his letter to the Romans that although we find ourselves in a flawed lineage, we are adopted, as he says, brothers and sisters, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh for if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, bba! Father! (Romans 8:12-15) The critical factor that determines my identity as a Christian isn t the blood of my biological family but the blood of Jesus. We are given a new name, Christian, a new inheritance, freedom, and new power, the Holy Spirit, to live a new life in Christ. But we must partake in honest reflection of the positive and negative influence our family of origin has had on us. We need to ask ourselves questions, What did my family teach me about money? bout success? bout God? There is a whole list of 10 family of origin commandments in your bulletin insert (see below) for you to help you do this. You can make out a genogram, I can help you with that I do them all the time for people who are preparing to get married. s the two come together it is important to identify some of the patterns, so they can determine what they want to keep for their newly created family, and what they want to redirect. But this isn t an exercise just for newlyweds all of us could use some time to look back on the generations, not to cast blame rather in order to make a new family pattern. Not one that is oblivious to the sins of the past but one that loves God and keeps the commandments that God can in turn show such steadfast love to thousands of generations yet to come. Let us pray.

4 L L GENOGRM OF BRHM S FMILY L Legend Male Female Cut off Favored Lying L L L L L L L L L L L

5 Principle 2: Know What You Believe and Why You Believe It Ten Commandments of Our Family of Origin Growing up, each one of our families operated under a set of commandments. Some of them were spoken and spelled out; others were unspoken and understood. Take ten minutes to jot down any rules, attitudes, and underlying assumptions our family had in two or three of the ten areas listed below spoken or unspoken. Share one with the group, and tell how it continues to influence you today. Examples: Money: It s okay to spend it on others, but not on yourself. Success: It s getting into the best schools. Expressing nger: When you are angry, it is a sin. Loss and Grief: You are not allowed to be sad or depressed. I. Money VI. Complimentary/Praising II. Success III. God IV. Gender Roles VII. Sex VIII. Play & Recreation IX. Expressing nger V. Marriage X. Loss & Grief Identify How Your Family Shaped You Take some time to sketch a simple genogram of your family over three generations. Include in your diagram as many people as you know. Don t worry about including them all. Using the following 13 questions, notice any patterns or tendencies (positive or negative) that show up. 1. Describe each family member with two or three adjectives (parents, caretakers, grandparents, siblings, children) 2. Describe your parents (caretakers ) and grandparents marriage. 3. How was conflict handled in your extended family over two to three generations? nger? Gender roles? 4. What were some generational themes (e.g., addictions, affairs, losses, abuse, divorce, depression, mental illness, abortions, children born out of wedlock, etc.)? 5. How well did your family do in talking about feelings? 6. How was sexuality talked or not talked about? What were the implied messages? 7. Were there any family secrets (such as a pregnancy out of wedlock, incest, or major financial scandal)? 8. What was onsidered success in your family? 9. How was money handled? Spirituality? Holidays? Relationships with extended family? 10. How did your family s ethnicity shape you? 11. Were there any heroes or heroines in the family? Scapegoats? Losers? Why? 12. What kinds of addictions, if any, existed in the family? 13. Were there traumatic losses in the past or present, such as sudden death, prolonged illnesses, stillbirths/ miscarriages, bankruptcy, or divorce? What are one or two things that you believe God wants you to relearn in his family? The church is a place where people bring their entire family histories with them through the door. What sorts of challenges does this present to functioning as a church family after God s own heart?