בס''ד SHABBAT SCHEDULE

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2 SHABBAT SCHEDULE Mincha 6:25pm Shir Hashirim: 6:40pm Candle Lighting: 6:20pm Shaharit: 8:30am Youth Minyan: 9:00am Zeman Keriat Shema 9:42am 2 nd Zeman Keriat Shema 10:17am Daf Yomi 4:35pm Shiur: 5:20pm Avot Ubanim Recess Minha: 6:00pm Followed by Seudat Shelishit & Arvit Shabbat Ends: 7:20pm Rabbenu Tam 7:50pm Please remember to turn the clocks backwards one hour on Mosae Shabbat to revert to Standard time. Rosh Hodesh Kislev is next Thursday November 8 th & Friday November 9 th Shaharit has been changed back to the normal Schedule. The winter program of Shiurim starts with the change of the clock. We split up the Teenager program for older & younger Teenagers. Looking forward to seeing everyone there! We started BH the Thursday night Shiur on Avne Shoham WEEKLY SCHEDULE SUNDAY Shaharit: 7:30am Minha 5:20pm Followed by Arvit & Teenager Program MONDAY TO FRIDAY Shiur 6:10am Shaharit 6:30am Hodu Approx: 6:45am Shiur in Spanish 4:55pm Minha: 5:20pm Followed By Arbit & Shiur in English & Spanish. We would like to remind our Kahal Kadosh to please Donate wholeheartedly towards our Beautiful Kehila. Anyone interested in donating for any occasion, Avot Ubanim $120, Kiddush $350, Seudat Shelishit $275, Weekly Bulletin $150, Daf Yomi $180, Daf Yomi Masechet $2500, Weekly Breakfast $150, Weekly Learning $500, Monthly Rent $3500, & Monthly Learning $2000, Please contact the Rabbi. Thanking you in advance for your generous support. Tizke Lemitzvot!

3 Men Yosef Zvi Ben Sara Yosefia, Aviv Ben Luba Miriam, Mordechai Ben Brucha Malka Shmalo, Yizhak Abraham Ben Sheli, Yosef Yizhak Ben Sara Hana, Yehudah Leon Ben Mesoda, Mordechai Ben Miriam, Meir Raymond Ben Hamsa Salomon Benarroch Ben Alia Mordechai Ben Mercedes Refuah Shelema List Isaac Ben Mesoda, Haim Ben Marcelle, Yizhak Ben Simja Reuben Ben Eta, Michael Ben Aliza, Eliel Moshe Ben Sarah Simja Bat Esther, Mesoda Bat Esther, Rachel Bat Sarah, Evelyn Bat Solita, Nina Bat Rachel, Gitel Rina Bat Yael, Miriam Bat Sofy, Rahma Bat Simha Esther Bat Fortuna Malka Bat Dina Women Sara Ledicia Bat Mesoda, Alegria Simha Bat Esther, Naomie Bat Rarel Adda, Malka Bat Joyce Simja, Sivan Simha Bat Yehudit, Nikita Nechama Shimona Bat Hava, Natalie Rachel Bat Nancy, Abigael Haya Bat Esther Madelaine Bat Esther Nurit Jacqueline Bat Rahel Torah Teasers (AISH) 1. The Torah records that the lifespan of Sarah was 127 years. Where else in Tanach does the number 127 appear? 2. Which two ancient cities in Israel have numbers as part of their name? 3. Avraham purchases the cave in Hebron from Efron. Where else in Tanach is land purchased by Jews from non-jews? 4. Aside from the 400 silver coins used to purchase the cave in Hebron, where else is in the book of Genesis is the number 400 mentioned? (2 answers) 5. Where in this parsha is the number ten mentioned? (3 answers) 6. The Torah records that Eliezer finds a wife for Yitzhak by a well. Who in the Torah meets his own future wife at a well? (2 answers) 7. Which seven women in Tanach are described as Tovat Mareh or Yefat Mareh - "nice to look upon" or "beautiful appearance"? 8. Where is straw mentioned in this parsha, and when is the next time that straw appears in the Torah? 9. The deaths of which father and son are recorded in parsha? Answers 1) Esther 1:1 states that Achashverosh ruled over 127 countries. 2) Kiryat Arba (Genesis 23:2) and Be'er Sheva (Genesis 22:19) both include a number in their names. 3) In Genesis 33:19, Yaakov purchased a field near Shchem. In 2-Shmuel 24:24, King David purchased a threshing floor, which became the site of the Holy Temple. In 1-Kings 16:24, the Jewish king Amri purchased Har Shomron in central Israel. 4) In Genesis 15:13, G-d tells Abraham that his children will be slaves for 400 years. In Genesis 32:7, Esav comes to attack Yaakov with 400 men. 5) Eliezer takes 10 camels on his journey (Genesis 24:1). Eliezer gives Rivka two bracelets, each weighing 10 shekels of gold (Genesis 24:10). Rivka's family wants her to stay in their home for at least 10 months before marrying Yitzhak (Genesis 24:45). 6) Yaakov meets Rachel at a well (Genesis 29:9-10). Moshe meets the daughters of Yisro at a well and later marries one of the daughters, Tzipporah (Exodus 2:15-17). 7) Sarah (Genesis 12:11), Rivka (Genesis 24:16), Rachel (Genesis 29:17), Bat Sheva (2-Shmuel 11:2), Tamar, the sister of Avshalom (2-Shmuel 14:27), Vashti (Esther 1:11), and Esther (Esther 2:7). 8) Rivka tells Eliezer that her family has lots of straw for his camels (Genesis 24:25). In Exodus 5:7, Pharaoh commands that straw should no longer be given to the Jewish slaves to produce bricks. 9) The deaths of Avraham (Genesis 25:8) and his son Yishmael (Genesis 25:17). If anyone would like to contact the Rabbi, please feel free to call or text , or rabbi@oroziel.com.

4 Miscellaneous Announcements: Community Announcements (It is YOUR Community, make the most of it!) This Week s Congregational Kiddush is still available for Sponsorship! The Kiddush Club Initiative. Anyone interested donating a Kiddush Please kindly contact the Rabbi. Tizke Lemizvot! This Week s Congregational Seudat Shelishit has been Kindly Sponsored by the Benmergui & Berdugo Families in memory of their Dear Yizhak Berdugo Ben Freja z l the 25 th of Heshvan. Tihye Nishmato Tzerura Bitzror Hahayim Amen. This Week s Breakfast is still available for Sponsorship! Anyone interested in sponsoring Breakfast for this week or on any day please contact the Rabbi. This Week s Daf Yomi is still available for Sponsorship! If anyone is interested in creating a weekly class in your house or an individual class with the Rabbi, please do not hesitate to contact the Rabbi. We are trying to update our Congregant s contact information. We would like to start sending texts about different Events and Shiurim. We would also like to start ing the weekly bulletin. We would like to start a list of Nahalot/Azkarot/Yahrzeits. We would also like to make a Refuah Shelema list. Please send your contact information to the Rabbi at rabbi@oroziel.com Please feel free to contact any of the board members either in person, or via with suggestions or comments. Our addresses are: board member s first Important Message!!! Eruv Update: Surfside: The Eruv in Surfside now includes the walking paths along the beach. Pushing strollers and carrying is permitted on the paths, but not beyond the path or onto the beach. Bal Harbour: The Eruv in Bal Harbour included the inner (western) walking path only. The pier at Haulover Cut is not included. Due to the recent reorganization of seats in the Bet Hakenesset, We are happy to announce the NEW possibility of purchasing seats in the Bet Hakenesset. For more information, please contact the Board. Before hanging up anything anywhere in the Bet Hakenesset, please seek authorization from the Rabbi. This includes flyers etc. Please be advised that prior to bringing any food or drinks for any occasion, you must first seek the authorization from the Rabbi. Special Announcements We are pleased to announce that Ness 26 is part of the Amazon Charity Program, which would allow our community to collect 0.5% of all the orders made by any of you on Amazon.com. In order to register you need to log on smile.amazon.com and select Ness 26, Inc as the Charitable Organization you want to support, and from then shop on smile.amazon.com instead of It won t cost anything more, and is an easy way to contribute to our budget needs. Anyone wishing to receive the Daily Halacha by the Rabbi please send a whatsapp message to Simon Chocron Community Calendar: The program for Teenaged Boys ages Started again with Great Succes with Shiur by the Rabbi & Supper on Sunday Evenings after Arvit at around at 7:10 pm With Supper. New Participants Welcome! Anyone wishing to sponsor this Shiur Please contact the Rabbi. Tizke Lemitzvot! We have started the Mishmar Program Every other Thursday evening at 8:00 pm with Chulent, Beer, & Snacks. Everyone is welcome! Avot Ubanim: This Shabbat Afternoon at 6:20pm In Recess Youth Minyan We are proud to announce the inauguration of our YOUTH/TEEN MINYAN geared to train and teach our future generations on the different tefillot and parashiot.

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8 We would like to Whole Heartedly Thank our Dear Friends, Daniel Belecen & Abraham Benhayoun for generously Donating the TORAH LEARNING of Heshvan 5779 Leiluy Nishmat Amram Ben Abraham Benhayoun z l 6 th of Shebat, & Shelomo Belecen Ben Moshe z"l 15th of Heshvan We truly appreciate it. In this merit, may Hashem Bless you & your wonderful family with all the Berachot of the Torah Amen. Birthdays Happy Birthday To Mrs. Raquel Allouche Fri. Nov. 2 nd, David Benmergui Sun Nov. 4 th, Mrs. Miriam Benmergui Mon. Nov. 5 th, Mr. Isaac Benmergui Tue. Nov. 6 th, Mr. Max Nahon Wed. Nov. 7 th, Mr. Simon Chocron Thurs. Nov. 8 th, Moshe Allouche Fri. Nov. 9 th, Mr. Meir Amara Fri. Nov. 9 th, Abigail Haya Cohen Scali Shab. Nov.10 th, Anna Malka Cohen Scali Shab. Nov. 10 th, Mr. Eli Tapiero Shab. Nov. 10 th, Marcos Bendahan Mon. Nov. 12 th, Mr. Sami Bendahan Mon. Nov. 12 th, Alberto Cohen Tue. Nov. 13 th, Mrs. Raquel Benhayoun Wed. Nov. 14 th, Mimy Nahon Wed. Nov. 14 th, Eytan Yeshua Sitbon Thur. Nov. 15 th, Happy Anniversary To Michael & Irina Gad November 7 th Nahalot Yitzchak Berdugo Bar Freja z l the 25 th of Heshvan (Father of Mrs. Camila Benmergui & Mrs. Fortuna Mamane) Yosef Haim Shalomoff Bar Miriam z l the 25 th of Heshvan (Grandfather of Mr. Yonatan Borochoff) Bension Kampos ben Rivka z l the 27 th of Heshvan (Family of Mr. Shabtai Maya) Dr. Ruben Lijtenstien z l the 27 th of Heshvan (Brother in law of Mr. Marcelo Romano) Next Shabbat: Mesod Aquinin Bar Simja z l the 4 th of Kislev (Father of Mr. Saadia Aquinin)

9 Weekday mornings: Community Shiurim 6:10AM to 6:45AM: Laws of Nidah. New participants welcome! 7:30AM Shiur on Hok Leyisrael with Breakfast! Everyone Is Welcome to Join. 7:45AM to 8:30AM: Daf Yomi Masechet Menahot. NEW DAF YOMI MASECHET! New participants are welcome! It is a great time to start learning the Daf and join thousands of Jews across the world in this incredible project. 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM: Mishna Berura Dirshu Cycle! New participants welcome! Weekday afternoons: Before Minha o Monday through Thursday: Shiurim in Spanish on assorted topics. After Arvit: o Mondays & Wednesdays: Hoshen Mishpat Business Halacha o Every Thursday evening after Arvit Hilchot Nida in Depth for Men. o Tuesday Assorted Topics In Recess for the Summer o Monday & Tuesday at 7:00pm Masechet Berachot in French o Every other Monday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Class to Women. o Every other Tuesday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Classes to Men. SHIUR for Ladies! The Rabbi s Shiur on Halachot of Kashrut NEW SERIES ON Hilchot Basar Vechalav, (Laws pertaining to Meat & Milk) to Ladies, in the Bet Hakenesset, every Tuesday afternoon at 2:05 pm. New Participants are always Welcome! In Recess Shabbat: Shabbat night before Arvit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week. Shabbat Morning: Lecture on the Parashah of the week. Shabbat Afternoon Daf Yomi at 4:40pm. Shabbat Afternoon Shiur at 5:20pm Spanish Shiur with Simon Chocron One hour before Minha Seudat Shelishit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week.

10 WEEKLY INSPIRATION The Dangers of Vanity (Rabbi Mansour) The opening verse of Parashat Hayeh-Sara tells us that our matriarch Sara lived for one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years. This is an unusual way of telling us how long Sara lived, as rather than simply stating that Sara s life spanned 127 years, the Torah speaks of three different units of time one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years. Rashi explains that the Torah presents the number this way to allude to the fact that Sara s life was consistent. She was free of sin at 100 years old just as she was when she was 20, Rashi writes, and she was as beautiful at 20 as she was when she was 7. Many later commentators noted the difficulty in the second segment of Rashi s comment, where he writes that Sara s beauty at age 20 equaled her beauty at age 7. The implication of this remark is that normally, a twenty-yearold woman is less beautiful than a sevenyear-old girl, and Sara was unique in featuring the same beauty at age 20 that she had at age 7. Of course, we normally think of twenty-year-old women as being far more beautiful than seven-year-old girls. Why, then, does Rashi imply that a girl is usually more beautiful at age 7 than at age 20? The answer, apparently, is that Rashi refers here not to the beauty pf physical appearance, but rather to the beauty of innocence. Twenty-year-olds are far more prone to paying an inordinate amount of attention to their appearance than sevenyear-olds are. Unlike many twenty-year-olds, seven -year-old girls do not generally spend a long time in front of the mirror before leaving the house, and do not fuss over their clothes. They can enjoy life without feeling pressured about their physical appearance, without the vain obsession over their looks. Rashi here is telling us that although Sara was an exceedingly beautiful woman, as the Torah itself mentions, nevertheless, she was not vain. She was not preoccupied with her looks. Even at age 20, the age when women tend to pay a great deal of attention to their appearance, she had the beautiful innocence of a seven-year-old and was not overly preoccupied with her looks. This insight is especially relevant today, when, unfortunately, many even within our religious communities are preoccupied with vanity. Too many young women feel undue pressure to appear beautiful, and oftentimes, it is their parents who apply this pressure. The Torah does not frown upon beauty indeed, Sara, Ribka and Rahel are all described as having been very beautiful and it is certainly important to look presentable. However, there is a huge difference Baisween ensuring to look presentable and preoccupation with one s looks. The bulk of our attention should be focused on our inner selves, not our outer appearance. What we are inside is infinitely more important than the way we look outside. We need to redirect our priorities away from vanity and towards the truly significant areas of life. It is no secret that vanity poses serious dangers. Girls and women who feel inordinate pressure to have the perfect appearance develop low self-esteem and insecurity as they helplessly compete against other girls and women. And tragically, many develop very dangerous eating disorders in their frantic attempt to look good. We must be extremely careful in the way we speak and think about physical appearance, and see to it that physical beauty is never given higher priority than the beauty of character. As with most things in life, we need to apply common sense and moderation, ensuring to look respectable as befitting Torah Jews, without paying excessive attention to external beauty.

11 Finding the Silver Lining (Rabbi Mansour) Parashat Hayeh-Sara begins with the story of Sara Imenu s death, and Abraham s purchase of the Machpela cave in Hebron as a burial site. This story follows the story of Akedat Yishak, which is perhaps the most remarkable event in the entire Tanach, when Abraham was prepared to obey G-d s command to sacrifice his beloved son, Yishak. Surprisingly, there are some Rabbis who point to the story of Abraham s purchase of Me arat Ha machpela as the tenth of Abraham s tests. The Mishna in Pirkeh Abot mentions that Abraham was subjected to ten tests, and the commentators disagree in identifying precisely what these ten tests were. Most assume that Akedat Yishak was the final and most challenging of the ten tests. According to one view, however, the test of Akedat Yishak was followed by the tenth test the test of Sara s death and purchasing a burial site. In order to understand why this incident constituted a test for Abraham, we must understand the nature of Abraham s tests. What made these tests difficult was the fact that they entailed contradictions. For example, G-d commanded Abraham to move to Eretz Yisrael and promised that he would enjoy wealth and prosperity. But soon after his arrival in the land, the area was struck by a severe drought, forcing him to go to Egypt, where his wife was abducted. Abraham s test was enduring the hardship without questioning G-d, accepting whatever happens and firmly believing that everything that G-d does is just and for his benefit. Akedat Yishak, too, involved a contradiction. After promising Abraham that a great nation would emerge from Yishak, G-d commanded him to slaughter him as a sacrifice before Yishak was married. Once again, Abraham asked no questions and proceeded with resolute faith to comply with the divine command. This happened again with the test of Sara s death. After the Akeda, G-d promised Abraham eternal rewards for his unbridled devotion, and proclaimed that he would be blessed for obeying the command to sacrifice his son. And yet, when he returned home, he learned that his wife had died. In fact, she died as a result of the Akeda; our Sages teach that she perished upon hearing that her son was nearly offered as a sacrifice. And, even after having been promised Eretz Yisrael, he ended up having to pay an exorbitant price for the burial site. Abraham could have been tempted to ask, Is this fair? After agreeing to offer my son as a sacrifice, is this what I deserve? And didn t you promise to bless me in reward for my obedience? But Abraham did not question G-d; he accepted what came without any questions or complaints. In truth, in this episode Abraham rose to even greater heights than he had in the previous tests. The Ramban (Rabbi Moshe Nahmanides, ) comments that the story of Sara s death and burial demonstrates G-d s benevolence toward Abraham, showing the respect that he commanded among the people of Canaan. Abraham purchased the plot of land from the Hittim, who treated him with reverence and even offered him the land for free. The greatness of Abraham was that despite everything he was going through, he still recognized G-d s kindness. The Torah says that when the Hittim offered Abraham a parcel of land for Sara s burial, he bowed and the Ramban explains that he bowed to G-d, to thank Him for allowing him to properly bury his wife. Although he had just lost his wife, despite G-d s promise of reward, Abraham had the faith and composure to give praise and thanks to Hashem for the kindness he received. He was grateful for the way he was treated by the people around him, and for having the opportunity to give his wife a respectful burial. As hard as things were, Abraham saw the silver lining and expressed his appreciation to Hashem. This is even a greater level of piety and faith. Not only did Abraham accept G-d s decisions without asking questions, he went even further actually thanking G-d and feeling grateful for everything that was good.

12 This is an important example for us to follow. Yes, life can be difficult and trying; we all go through tests of one sort of another throughout our lives. As the descendants of heirs of Abraham Abinu, we must look for the silver lining in every dark cloud and find Hashem s kindness and benevolence even during life s more difficult periods. We all have what to be grateful for, no matter the situation. Our patriarch showed us how to be grateful and appreciative even in hard times. Through unwavering faith in G-d s justice, we are able to withstand even life s most difficult tests and remain content and joyous over the many wonderful blessings we have been given. They Were All Equally Good (Rabbi Frand from Torah.org) The parsha begins with the pasuk, Sarah s lifetime was one hundred years, and twenty years, and seven years; the years of Sarah s life. [Bereshit 23:1]. Rashi comments on the strange construction of this pasuk, and in particular on the seemingly redundant phrase, the years of Sarah s life at the end of the pasuk. Rashi explains, They were all equal for goodness. In other words, she lived a life that was good from beginning to end. Let us ask ourselves, what is the meaning of the statement that all her years were equally good? Sarah was childless for ninety years. In addition, the Medrash calculates that her cousins all gave birth when they were eight years old. It must have been very painful for Sarah to desire children and not be able to conceive for all those years the bulk of her life. Furthermore, she brought Hagar into her home as a co-wife. In Hebrew, a co-wife is called a tzarah (which also means trouble) because that is what it is! The tension Baisween co-wives is much stronger than that of sibling rivalry. Ultimately, the situation with Yishmael became intolerable. She sees Yishmael trying to influence Yitzchak towards foreign cultures. She experiences a touch of tzaar gidul banim [the pain of raising children]. On top of all that, she partnered with Avraham in many of his nisyonot [trials]. She accompanied him on the journey away from her birthplace and homeland. She followed him down to Egypt and was kidnapped there into Pharaoh s palace. Later she had a similar traumatic experience with Avimelech. Where does the realization of they were all equal for goodness come into play? Perhaps the final years of her life were tranquil, but overall, she had a very bitter and traumatic life. What is Rashi talking about? I heard a beautiful Torah insight on this question from the current Tolner Rebbe of Jerusalem. He cites a Medrash in Parashat Emor. The Torah says And you shall take for yourselves the fruit of a beautiful tree (pri etz hadar) [Vayikra 23:40]. The Medrash says the word hadar [beautiful] refers to Sarah as it says and Avraham and Sarah were elderly [Bereshit 18:11] for HaKadosh Baruch Hu made her beautiful with elderly beauty (seivah tova). The Maharzu, a commentary on the Medrash, notes that this pasuk in Vayera seems to be a very inappropriate link to the pasuk regarding the Etrog. After all, the entirety of the pasuk reads, Now Avraham and Sarah were old, well on in years; the course of women had ceased to be with Sarah. Out of all the pesukim in the Torah, why is this pasuk used to marshal proof that Sarah was beautiful, comparable to a lovely Etrog? This pasuk itself alludes to the fact that Sarah had a very tough life. (She had already gone through natural menopause while she was still childless.) Furthermore, how is Sarah like an Etrog?

13 The Tolner Rebbe offers the following insight, based on a teaching of the former Slonimer Rebbe. The Talmud [Berachot 54a] teaches that just as it is appropriate to make a blessing over good happenings, so too it is appropriate to make a blessing over bad happenings. This is one of the most difficult things in life accepting the bad along with the good. Not only must we accept bad happenings, we must actually be prepared to recite a blessing over them. This is a very hard spiritual level to reach to accept the good and accept the bad and make a bracha over both! The source of this idea that we must make blessings over both the good and bad is from a combination of pesukim in Tehillim: How can I repay Hashem for all His kindness to me? I will raise the cup of salvations and the Name of Hashem I will invoke. [Tehillim 116:12] and, just a few pesukim earlier, The pains of death encircled me; the confines of the grave have found me; trouble and sorrow I would find. Then I would invoke the Name of Hashem [Tehillim 116:2-3] We see from this that Shem Hashem Ekra [we must invoke the Name of G-d] whether we are raising the cup of salvation or finding trouble and sorrow. However, the Tolner Rebbe says quoting the former Slonimer Rebbe we can observe something interesting when we read this chapter in Tehillim. The pasuk regarding raising the cup of salvation and invoking the Name of Hashem is all one pasuk. When a person has witnessed salvation, he must immediately make a l Chaim! However, the pasuk regarding bad occurrences in life ends with the words troubles and sorrow I will find. The words And I will invoke the Name of Hashem do not appear until the next pasuk. This implies that there is not total equality Baisween the requirement to bless G-d for the good and the requirement to bless Him for the bad. When good occurs, it is easy to say Baruch Hashem ; when times are bad, indeed we must try to say Baruch Hashem, but it is not in the same pasuk, because that is a very difficult thing to demand from a person. However, there are people who reach such a spiritual level that even in the troubles that befall them, they see the Hand of G-d and they see the good therein. In Chapter 11, Yeshaya speaks of the coming of Mashiach ( A staff will emerge from the stump of Yishai and a shoot will sprout from his roots At the beginning of the very next chapter (Chapter 12, the shortest chapter in all of Yeshaya only 6 pasukim), the pasuk says, You will say on that day, I thank You, Hashem, for You were angry with me To what does on that day refer? It refers to the time after the coming of Moshiach. The redemption will finally arrive, and we will look back on 2000 years of exile and persecution, from the destruction of the Bet Hamikdash to the Spanish Inquisition, to the decrees of 5408 and 5409, to Chmielnicki to the pogroms in Europe, to the Cossacks, and to the Holocaust. Klal Yisrael will look back and will be able to say on that day after the arrival of the Moshiach I thank you, Hashem, for you were angry with me. Such a spiritual level is possible. Somehow, even within the tzara [trouble] one sees the tova [good]. The Slonimer Rebbe says that now we understand why the Medrash compares Sarah to the Pri Etz Hadar (Etrog). Sarah had a life that was all equally good. This means that despite the fact that she was barren for 90 years, despite the fact that she had aggravation with Hagar and Yishmael, despite her experiences in Egypt (with Pharaoh) and in Gerar (with Avimelech), etc., etc., despite all this, in her mind, they were all equally good years. She had such a high spiritual level of faith (Emunah and Bitachon) that in her mind, they were kulan shavim l tova. The Yalkut Shimoni says that the pasuk in Mishle [31:10], A woman of valor who can find? Far beyond pearls is her value, is the eulogy Avraham gave for Sarah. What did Avraham mean by the expression Far beyond pearls is her value? The Medrash explains that she waited for 90 years to have a baby. Avraham eulogized, this is the type of woman my wife was. She had no complaints against the Almighty. She waited

14 90 years for a child but never complained. She saw her entire life experience as one blessed by G-d. We might consider what Sarah experienced and say, That s a horrible life. However, Sarah did not see it that way. She had the capacity to see the tova in the ra ah. The Slonimer Rebbe says this is why she is like an Etrog. The Gemara says that the Etrog is the only fruit wherein the taste of the tree and that of its fruit are the same. The bark of an Etrog tree tastes like and Etrog itself! The Slonimer Rebbe says that certainly, if a person tries taking a bite out of the bark of an Etrog tree, it will not taste as good as a ripe Etrog. Nonetheless, in the tree, a person can already taste the flavor of an Etrog. Even though the wood is hard and brittle, it contains within itself a flavor reminiscent of the Etrog that will grow from it. Sara was like an Etrog because she too could sense the connection Baisween the tree (i.e., the process) and the fruit (i.e., the result). Sarah saw the connection Baisween all her trials and tribulations in her life (i.e., the process) and the good that befell her (i.e., the result). This is what Chazal are trying to teach us by saying, They were all equally good. There are people who are capable of looking at that which is a bitter life and saying, No. It s all for the good. We might think that such people do not exist in our day and age, but they do exist. Recently, I made a phone call that I anticipated being a very difficult call to make. I know someone who I have had dealings with five or six times over the last 10 years or so. He is a very nice fellow. Last week, he married off a son. On the third day of Sheva Berachot, the son died. This is a mindboggling tragedy. The Seven Days of Marriage Feasting (Shivat Yeme HaMishteh) turned into Seven Days of Mourning (Shivat Yeme Avelut). I am not that close to the father, but I do know him. We have had a pleasant relationship, so I called him. This type of phone call makes a person wonder, What can I possibly say? I began Reb Shmuel, what can I say? There are no words to utter. It has just been on my mind the whole week He is not a Rav or a Rosh Yeshiva. He is just an ordinary businessman. (Obviously, he is not really so ordinary. ) He told me Reb Yissocher, this is all part of the puzzle. When Mashiach will come, we are going to understand all of this. I accept this as part of the Divine Plan, even though I do not yet understand exactly what it is all about. I told him You have strengthened me, more than I could have possibly hoped to strengthen you. This is what Rashi is saying. The years of Sarah were all equally good means that Sarah was on such a high spiritual level that she viewed them as such. Chazal say that a person should always ask himself, When will my deeds be equal to the deeds of my ancestors? We need to strive for such a level. For most of us, this represents a seemingly unattainable spiritual goal. We will understand this, hopefully, in the Days of the Messiah. However, there were people and apparently, there are still people who can look at life even a life full of suffering and misfortune and say, they were all equally good. The Shidduch Crisis (Rabbi Frand) Hashem Makes Matches But We Can Do Something Ourselves To Help Solve The Shidduch Crisis The parsha deals with the episode of Avraham Avinu sending Eliezer on the most important mission of his life to find an appropriate mate for Yitzchak. The future of Klal Yisrael depended on this match. The narration records that Avraham makes Eliezer swear that he will not take a girl of Canaanite lineage. As we have explained many times in the past, Avraham knew that Canaanite personality traits (midot) were not what he wanted in his daughter-in-law.

15 Avraham further instructed his servant not to take Yitzchak back to the land of Avraham s birthplace and family: Hashem, G-d of the heavens, Who took me from the house of my father and from the land of my birth; and Who spoke concerning me, and Who swore to me saying, To your offspring will I give this land ; He will send His angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son from there. [Bereshit 24:7]. Rashi notes that in Chapter 24 pasuk 3 Avraham uses the expression I will have you swear by Hashem, G-d of the heavens and G-d of the earth but in pasuk 7, a scant 4 pesukim later, Avraham merely invokes the name of Hashem, G-d of the heavens without any reference to G-d also being the G-d of the earth. Why is this so? Rashi says (on pasuk 7) now at this moment in history he is the G-d of the heaven and the G-d of the earth for I have familiarized Him in the mouth of the people (i.e., for I have put people in the habit of mentioning him); but when He took me from my father s house, He was G-d of the heavens, but not G-d of the earth, for those who lived in the world did not recognize Him. I saw an interesting observation in the sefer Shemen HaTov from Rav Dov Weinberger. Is Avraham bragging to Eliezer? Is he saying, You, know Eliezer, it is only because of me that G-d is now considered G-d of Heaven and G-d of earth as well!? This is not Avraham Avinu. He is not boasting and he is certainly not boasting in front of Eliezer. So why does he stress and G-d of the earth? Avraham Avinu was telling his servant, Eliezer, now you are going to go do something called finding a shidduch for my son. In order to find a shidduch, you need not only an Elokai hashamayim (G-d in Heaven), but you need an Elokai haaretz (G-d of the earth) as well. Shidduchim come about because of the direct involvement of the Ribono shel Olam. You cannot do this on your own and we cannot do this on our own, we need the involvement of the Master of the World. As the Chazon Ish once said, in our day and time, when the Divine Providence of G-d is so often hidden, there is still one area of life where we can see the direct involvement of the Ribono shel Olam. That is in marriage matches. We see that indeed marriages are made in heaven. Here on the threshold of sending his servant to find a match for his son, Avraham mentions that Hashem is the G-d of Heaven and also the G-d of earth. He is personally and actively involved in all that happens in helping us make our shidduchim. This brings me to the following comment. As everyone painfully knows, there is a phenomenon that impacts our community that is commonly called the shidduch crisis. Unfortunately, there are hundreds if not thousands of singles in our community who want to get married but have not yet able to do so. While this is a problem that affects both boys and girls, it seems to be a much greater problem when it comes to girls. I constantly receive calls inquiring about different boys in the Yeshiva. I can many times hear the panic and terror in the parents voices when they have an older daughter and she still has not yet found a shidduch. It is in fact a terrible crisis. Some time ago, a group of people joined together and initiated what is referred to by the acronym N.A.S.I. The North American Shidduch Initiative. Everyone has different theories as to the source of the problem. N.A.S.I. arranged for a group of actuarial scientists to crunch the numbers. They came up with the theory that the shidduch crisis is being exacerbated by the fact that boys tend to marry girls that are several years younger than them. The problem, they feel, derives from the rapid growth of the frum community. If one assumes a % growth rate per year and a year gap Baisween the age when boys are getting engaged and when girls are getting engaged, the mathematical basis for the problem is evident: If we assume a 4% growth rate per year, 100 ten year olds there will be 104 nine year olds and 108 eight year olds. So if boys on the average marry at age 23 and girls on the average marry at age 20, this means that for

16 every 100 boys there will be 112 girls. This translates into a community that has a serious problem. The math decrees that there will be girls left out if all boys marry girls younger than themselves. To solve this problem, N.A.S.I. s goal is to encourage boys to marry girls that are closer in age to themselves and even to marry older girls. This is something tangible that can be done to address this problem. True the Ribono shel Olam is involved in the process, but we need to make our own efforts. Therefore by encouraging this shift in mindset as to what age girls and boys should consider marrying, we are doing something tangible to solve this problem. N.A.S.I. is offering monetary rewards to people who make shidduchim where the boys are closer in age to the girls they marry or even younger than them. When bochrim in the Yeshiva come to me and ask me this question and I get this shaylah very often Is there anything wrong with marrying a girl who is older than me, I tell them the following fact: RebBaiszin Neubereger, ob m, was older than Rabbi Neuberger ob m and that Rabbi Neuberger even then was a smart man. To my knowledge, they had a wonderful marriage. In short, there is nothing wrong with going ahead with such a shidduch. So what if a girl is six months or even a year older than her chattan? Even two years older, so what? Actuarially, men live fewer years than women. What is the problem? This is an idea that is important to discuss on Parashat Chaye Sarah, the parsha of Shidduchim. We should have this idea in mind and people who have sons of marriageable age should encourage them to marry girls that are near their age or even older. Let us all take these ideas to heart and hopefully help contribute to the solution of this very painful problem. Chesed - Foundation of Emunah (Rabbi Zev Leff) She said, 'Drink my Lord,' and quickly she lowered her jug to her hand and gave him drink. When she finished giving him drink, she said, 'I will draw water even for your camels until they have finished drinking' (Bereshit ). Chazal teach us that kindness and benevolence gemilut chassadim is one of the pillars upon which the world stands. Yet it still remains to be understood why chesed was the sole criterion which Eliezer, the servant of Avraham, considered in choosing a wife for Yitzchak. The benefit of chesed in promoting harmony Baisween people is obvious. But there are many sources in Chazal that link chesed to other values where the connection is far less obvious. The Midrash (Yalkut Shoftim 64), for instance, states that one who does acts of chesed is viewed as if he believes in all the miracles that Hashem performed for the Jewish people; one who does not do acts of chesed is considered as if he denied all the miracles. Another Midrash (Kohelet Rabbah 7) links chesed to emunah: One who rejects chesed is as if he denies G-d. The Torah begins and ends with acts of chesed (Sotah 14a), and Maharal explains that just as in a chain the connecting links are on the ends, so, too, the links to Hashem that emanate from the Torah are created by chesed. What exactly is the connection of chesed to emunah? Understanding that connection requires us to consider the ultimate barrier to faith in G-d. Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman, hy "d, in Kovetz Ma'amarim, writes that G-d's existence is obvious to every human being. The orderly and complex nature of the universe cries out the existence of an intelligent Creator. Only a person's desires and passions blind him to seeing the truth. Shortsighted self-interest prevents him from recognizing that which is self-evident. Chazal enjoin us from straying after false ideologies

17 with the words, "Do not stray after your heart." The source of false ideologies is not in the intellect but the heart. The passions of the heart deprive the intellect of the objectivity necessary to acknowledge the truth. As Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch so beautifully puts its, "Emunah is not the knowledge that there is a G-d, but rather the acknowledgment." Our discussion of a person's desires as the major barrier to emunah will help us understand a difficult Rashi in Lech Lecha. Rashi says that G-d miraculously saved the King of Sodom from his fall into a lime pit because there were those who did not believe that Avraham had been miraculously saved from the fiery furnace of Nimrod. Only when they heard of the miraculous deliverance of the King of Sodom, did they retroactively believe in Avraham's salvation. Ramban asks what was the connection Baisween the King of Sodom's miraculous escape and belief in the miracle on Avraham's behalf. The essence of the miracle on Avraham's behalf was that he was saved on account of his righteousness and trust in Hashem, factors completely absent in the case of the King of Sodom. Ramban speculates that perhaps the King of Sodom was delivered from the pit when Avraham approached it, and hence it was obvious that he was saved due to the merit of Avraham. But if so, Rashi omitted the crucial detail. In addition, what does Rashi mean that they believed in Avraham retroactively? It would seem rather that they believed in Avraham from that point on. Avraham's salvation from the fiery furnace was a matter of public knowledge. It took place before a multitude of spectators who had come to witness Nimrod's execution of the heretical destroyer of idols. How, then, could there be people who did not believe? The answer is that even well-documented historical occurrences can be denied if their implications point to uncomfortable conclusions. Belief in Avraham's miraculous deliverance necessitated recognition of an intelligent Creator, Who is involved in this world and rewards the righteous. And that in turn would lead logically to recognition of the need to subjugate oneself to G-d's design for the world. Those with uncontrollable passions therefore needed to reject what they or others had clearly seen. But when the King of Sodom was saved in a miraculous fashion, the miracle no longer needed to be attributed to Divine reward and punishment. It could be argued that supernatural events can benefit the wicked as well as the righteous. No longer did the miracle suggest the existence of a G-d of justice. The evildoers of that generation could now believe retroactively in Avraham's miracle, for there was no longer any need to deny its implications. Though Hashem performed this miracle to demonstrate to the non-believers the fickleness of their approach, -their lack of intellectual honesty and integrity-they used it to further blind themselves to His reward and punishment. We have seen that the belief in G-d is a direct function of one's freedom from subjective desires and capacity for objectivity. This, then, is the connection Baisween chesed and emunah. Only one who can be selflessly concerned with others, who can divest himself of his own needs and be sensitive to those of others can attain the objectivity needed for the true belief in Hashem. Avraham was rosin hama'aminim-the first and greatest of the believers-and at the same time the pillar of chesed. The two are inseparable. The Baalei Mussar point out that the difference Baisween a window and a mirror is but a little "kesef"-silver. Kesef is derived from the root "to desire." When one gives into passions and desires, he sees only himself. Similarly, one who is selfishly concerned only with himself will distort the world. One who frees himself of this selfish perspective and looks out the window to be concerned with others will ultimately have a more honest and objective perspective of the world. Therefore, Eliezer tested Rivkah to see if she was a lover of chesed. He sought not just someone who acted with kindness but a lover of chesed like Avraham, who actually

18 suffered when opportunities to perform chesed did not present themselves. Eliezer tested Rivkah by asking her for a favor rather than letting her offer first. It is easier to volunteer chesed, which is a boost to one's own self-image, than to acquiesce to another's request. Eliezer stood by quietly while Rivkah toiled to draw water for his entire flock of camels. He neither offered to help in the slightest way nor expressed any gratitude. Had Rivkah not sought to do chesed for its own sake, she would have been discouraged by his rudeness. Only when Eliezer was convinced that Rivkah's chesed emanated from complete selflessness, did the test cease. For now, he knew that Rivkah's selflessness guaranteed the objectivity needed for true emunah, and that she was fit to be the mother of the Jewish people. Reprinted with permission from Artscroll Mesorah Publications, ltd. This article is provided as part of Shema Yisrael Torah Network Permission is granted to redistribute electronically or on paper, provided that this notice is included intact. For information on subscriptions, archives, and other Shema Yisrael Classes, send mail to parsha@shemayisrael.co.il What I Told My Children about the Pittsburgh Massacre My response is to continue to raise my children to have proud Jewish identities and bring more light into the world. (By Rivki Silver) Back in 2003, when I was just a hopeful potential convert, the head of the Bet Din (the panel of rabbis who would either support or deny my request to become Jewish) warned me that if I was Jewish, people would hate me and wish me harm, just for being Jewish. Any children I might have would potentially experience persecution, just for being Jewish. As a student of history, I was aware of the long and sordid history of anti-semitism and the many times throughout history when Jews were either expelled from the lands they were living on, or murdered, or both. But at the time anti-semitism seemed very much like something that was either in the past or happening in Europe, not in the city where I was currently living, not in America in general. The Jewish community was comfortable and welcoming. No one seemed worried. We knew it could theoretically happen here, but it was just that - theoretical. As the years have passed and we have seen an increase in anti-semitic graffiti, defacing of cemeteries, a shooting at a Jewish Community Center in Kansas, the killing of a young Jewish man on Simchat Torah in Chicago and now the deadliest attack on Jews in American history, it isn t so theoretical anymore. Before my two oldest boys went off to school on Sunday morning, I made sure to sit down with them and briefly talk to them about what happened. I didn t want them to hear about it from their classmates. My children know about anti-semitism. They know that there are bad people in the world who want to hurt them just for being Jewish. They see that there is a police officer permanently stationed outside their school every single day. But despite their fledgling awareness, I was unsure of what exactly I should say in this instance. How was I going to explain to them that something horrible had happened, that people were dead, in a community very close to where we are, at a place where they should want to go and where they should be safe? As children do, they took it more in stride than most adults I know, myself included. I don t know if I did a good job explaining it to them, but I do know that my response to this tragedy will not solely focus on worrying about anti-semitism. We will honor their memories through choosing to live a vibrant Jewish life and

19 to not let hatred prevent us from being who we are. My response to this horrible tragedy is to continue to raise my children to have proud Jewish identities, to continue to send them to Jewish day school and have them walk to synagogue on Shabbat and to learn the ancient Jewish texts that have sustained us through centuries of persecution. I will teach them to bring more light into the world through each mitzvah that they do, though each act of kindness and giving of charity. I will teach them to live each moment with joy and to tap into the depths of wisdom found in the traditions that stretch back thousands of years. I will have them do a mitzvah in the name of those who were murdered this past Shabbat. We will honor their memories through choosing to live a vibrant Jewish life and to not let hatred prevent us from being who we are. I may not have the ancestry to connect me to the Jewish people, just the choice I made in my twenties, but I am more than dedicated to maintaining the chain of Jewish tradition that connects us to the past, to each other, and to the future. Because there is always a future for the Jewish people. That is what I m giving to my children. Help! My Spouse is So Different than Me How differences can bring you closer together and not drive you further apart. (By Jenny Shain BASW) We are so different. He doesn t understand me. I have to spell things out that are so obvious. He doesn t need to connect like I do. These are some of the common expressions of the pain and frustration felt at being together with someone who is very different from oneself. This can happen early on in a relationship and persist over many years. For many couples, sadly this remains the narrative of their experience together. It can feel lonely and hopeless, leading one to think he or she has made a serious mistake. It is not uncommon for most couples to feel like this at some point in their marriage. After all, any two people are different, particularly men and women. And when opposites attract, the differences can be especially pronounced. It can be a major challenge when a couple s clash in certain areas. Some classic examples: Diana is a creative, spontaneous thinker and doer, her home is happy if messy and each day is something of an adventure. Her husband Paul likes to plan and structure activities in advance. He longs for a calm, organized environment. Sheri is hardworking and goal oriented. She is aware of all that needs to be done and concerned about paying the bills. Tom is laid back and relaxed. He has a positive and somewhat lackadaisical attitude and believes that everything will work out just fine. Jill is sensitive and relationship oriented. She loves to connect and share her day and her inner world. Daniel, her husband is an active, type A personality. He is always very busy and finds it hard to stop doing and just be. There may be differences in personality one is an introvert, the other an extrovert. Differences in needs for emotional connection, different expectations based on family background, differences in religious approaches, just to name a few. Ironically these differences are often the source of the attraction. Why is this so? According to Harville Hendrix, the founder of Imago therapy, there is an instinctive pull to someone who has strengths and attributes which we are lacking, sensing that this person contains my missing part which completes me and from which I can learn. The pieces of the puzzle can fit so beautifully together but it may not always feel this way. The relationship can become accusatory and

20 conflictual, where partners blame each other for not understanding them and this can feel like a lack of care. You are not similar to me becomes You don t love me. How can you cross this divide and find a way to connect? First, understand that this challenge is normal. Don t confuse real life with the ersatz, Hollywood promise of happy ever after. Know that creating connection takes work and is not meant to happen automatically. Be aware that your needs are not more important than your partner s or that if he doesn t have the same needs as you he is not somehow innately flawed. Accept the differences instead of fighting against them and wishing they weren t there. Commit to not judging and criticizing your partner for being different. Take responsibility for explaining and expressing your needs instead of longing for him/ her to intuitively understand you. Accept that if even if you don t want to do something together to the same degree, it can still be a bonding, positive experience. Likewise, if you discuss something and your partner doesn t totally get you, this can also still be a bonding if not perfect experience. Appreciate the value in the differences, how these make for a good team, how you can complement and help each other. Stretch yourself to understand and empathize with your spouse who at times may seem so foreign. Use the differences as a platform for personal growth. Be open to what you can learn from this difference. See where you can share your strengths and insights with your partner in a gentle, noncritical manner. Focus on the positive elements that these differences bring to the table rather than the difficulties. Seek to embrace and affirm each of your strengths as part of a complex, colorful and rich tapestry. Every marriage has their share of differences. By committing to work together to overcome hurdles, you are your spouse can grow closer together while creating a more expansive whole. Giving the Right Gift How to buy the perfect present. (By Emuna Braverman) The Gift That Needs Forgiving was the title of a recent Wall Street Journal (12/15/09) piece. Giving gifts in the right way is always tricky. Many years ago, someone gave us the whole set of a certain series of Jewish books. We put them back in the two large boxes they came in and wrapped them up for Chanukah. Our young children eagerly anticipated opening these large gifts. But their excitement turned to very real disappointment when all they found inside were educational books! We were young parents and had clearly misread the desires of our family. That was our first gift that needed forgiving. I can t say we never made the mistake again, but we never forgot that incident. And we certainly learned that giving gifts appropriately requires serious thought in advance. It seems obvious (although not when you read of some of the disastrous adventures) that the gift should be something the recipient wants. (And equally obvious that it should not be something the giver wants!) This presupposes the giver knows what is desired. Here comes an important point for women: don t count on your husband to read your mind or pick up on hints and then break down in tears when he doesn t get you what you wanted. Tell him. This will save a lot of marital strife and lead to greater happiness all around. Women seem to be harder to shop for than man, but one thing everyone agrees on (according to the author of the WSJ piece