Some of you may know the quaint writings of Robert Fulgum entitled, All I really

Transcription

1 Delivered by Rabbi Marcia Plumb CMT Rosh Hashana Day 2 (2012) Some of you may know the quaint writings of Robert Fulgum entitled, All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten He writes: Share everything; Play fair; Don t hit people; Put things back where you found them; Clean up your own mess; Don t take things that aren t yours; Say you re sorry when you hurt somebody; Wash your hands before you eat; Flush; Warm cookies and milk are good for you; Live a balanced life learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some; Take a nap every afternoon; When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together; Be aware of wonder; Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that; Goldfish and hamsters, and white mice and even the little seed in the styofoam cup they all die. So do we.; And then remember the Dick and Jane books and the first word you learned the biggest word of all Look.; Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule, and love and basic sanitation. Ecology, politics, equality, and sane living. We learned it all in nursery. I created my own version of Fulgum s rules I call: All I need to know I learned from moving to Boston. I have lived in London for 22 years. My husband is English, and we have raised our two children there. We thought we would finish our careers in London. Last year, my husband got a call from Hebrew College

2 inviting him to take up the position of Dean of the school of Education. We decided to take the offer and within two months, we were here in Boston. The move was unexpected and suprising as well as traumatic and energizing. This is the beginning of our second year in Boston, and I now look back to reflect on what we have learned during our first year in the US. Today, I offer some of those reflections to you, and I call them the Avinu Malkeinu Mantra. (Forgive the name for all of you who use a proper mantra to meditate.) If we follow them, then perhaps we can be written in the Book of Life for a good year ahead, and fill our souls with contentment and satisfaction. My mantra is based on the idea that at Yom Kippur we must seek atonement bein adam l haveiro, bein adam la atzmo, vbein adam lmakom from others, from ourselves and from God. My Avinu Malkeinu Mantra focuses on one of those from whom we seek atonement bein adam l atzmo from ourselves. My avinu Malkeinu mantra gives us four clues about how to cleanse our own souls of regret, fear, and sadness, so that we can stand free and released when the gates of Neilah close at Yom Kippur. The first line of my mantra goes like this: Avinu Malkeinu M chal Lanu u slach l chol avonoteinu. Our Divine Father and Mother, forgive all our sins from the past. Or as I learned while on my move: Face forward, not backward We all know the saying life is too short to fill our days with regrets, worry, and fear. Life is too short. But do we really take the phrase seriously? How different our lives would be if we did. Face forward. Face the future, not the past. It sounds simple enough, but for many of us, the future is full of unknown fears or uncertainty. The past is

3 much safer we know who we are in the past. Sometimes, however we relive the past, almost as if we were still in it. Do you say to yourselves, I wish I d said that, or I wish I d done that, or hadn t said this? We all know someone who carries around a sack of regrets. Reflection on past actions is vital for our growth and change. The memories we hold are precious and help ground us. For many, especially for those of us old enough to remember Ronald Reagen, our past enables us to make sense of and survive the present. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, in the 13 Petaled Rose, an essay on repentance, talks about the importance of looking back, because only in that way does it give one the idea of the distance already covered, of the progress made. This looking back, Steinsaltz suggests, stimulates a reaching out in further effort. Remembering can stimulate our desire to move on ahead, to keep growing and changing, to grasp the future. And in this we find the most important purpose served by remembering. Our memories, both those of warmth and those of pain, can help us clarify who we are in the present. The past is also the strong lifeline of Judaism. But the past can be a heavy burden to carry with us all the time. Our past mistakes can blind us to our responsibilities in the present, and to our blessings as well. It is too easy to focus on what we could have had, and could have been, rather than be grateful for what we do have. The present is a gift we have that we squander if we spend too much time in the past. The Hassidic work, Likutei Maharan tells us that the You are wherever your thoughts are. Make sure that your thoughts are where you want to be. Let us accept the past, value it for

4 what it gives us, and then face forward into the future of our choice. Oh God, keep us from getting a crick in our necks as we look back over our shoulder at what was and is no longer. Avinu Malkeinu, M chal Lanu, u slach lanu l chol avonoteinu. Help us forgive ourselves and let go of the past that binds us. Let us live in the present and embrace the future with open arms. My second lesson from our transition is: Be good enough. As I said before, I have a perfectionist streak in me. I like to get things right. I ll give you an example. We made the decision to uproot our children from their happy lives in London. They had a challenging year last year, as they tried to navigate this new world. Anya s Bat Mitzvah was in April, which we held in London. I wanted it to be perfect. If it was exactly as she wanted it, then perhaps that would make up for the distress the move caused her. I worked very hard to make every detail absolutely perfect. Of course, things went wrong as they often do on occasions like this, when expectations are high. There was even a fire alarm in the middle of the party and we had to evacuate the building. At first I was upset we couldn t make things perfect for our daughter, either for the Bat Mitzvah or for her new life in Boston. But this move I learned a new benchmark. Doing my best is good enough. Perfection is a myth. There is no such thing as getting it right. Each of us can only do the best we can in that moment. Perhaps at other times, we could do better, or worse. But for this moment, in the present, we have done the best we could. And that is good enough. Releasing ourselves from the need to

5 be perfect is liberating and ultimately Jewish. There is a traditional idea that nothing we do should be perfect. If it were, the messiah would appear, and that is not yet possible. Life is too short to suffer from feeling that we have never measured up to perfection. Yom Kippur tells us we should try as hard as we can and that is enough. Avinu Malkeinu, Hadeish aleinu shana tova. God, make this year, our year of trying our best, and being good enough, and give us a year of gratitude and appreciation of our gifts. My third lesson from the move: Be bold and wear purple. I recall a poem by Jenny Joseph, called Warning. When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple with a red hat which doesn t go and doesn t suit me. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain and run my stick along the public railings and make up for the sobriety of my youth. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat and hoard pens and pencils and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry, and pay our rent and not swear in the street and set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised when suddenly I am old and start to wear purple. There is group women in their 60 s called the Red Hat Brigade. They wear red hats and purple shirts and get together for conferences, outings, and outward bound programmes. Their red hats and purple shirts symbolize their desire to be bold, adventurous and wear what they want and do what they want to do, as best they can. When I see them or hear about their style and attitude, I

6 want to be 60 so I can join them. And then I remember I don t have to wait to be courageous or try to achieve my dreams. I am not suggesting that we all begin to wear red and purple, although I confess I do like those colours. But let us at least learn from their wardrobe. We often edit ourselves. We tone down our dreams, we refrain from sharing new ideas, we are afraid to try. This year, let us dare to live life as fully as we can. Don t be put off by others fears or our own. Let us be brave enough to try to achieve our dreams, whether they be small or large. Life is too short to be bound on the altar of fear. This past year has taught me to embrace possibilities. Try everything and anything. An old friend taught me once that we can ask for anything we want, as long as we are prepared to accept no for an answer. We lose nothing by trying. Avinu Malkeinu, hareim keren Yisrael amecha. Our loving Father and Mother, strengthen your people Israel. Give us the courage to be fully ourselves. Last but certainly not least: Embrace joy. This summer, we went to the Olympics in London. I don t know how many of you know England or any British people, but Brits are not known for their liveliness or friendliness. They are reserved and self-deprecating. Ever since they lost the Empire, the British people have been in a bad mood. So the joy that overflowed in London during the Olympics was unique. Everyone was happy, smiling, and proud. There were volunteers whose sole job was to greet everyone who flew into the airports, or train stations and entered the Olympic village. Their job was to say good

7 morning, have a good day, welcome, and spread happiness. And it worked. It was wonderful to bask in such joy. During the Yamim Noraim, the High Holy Days, we tend to focus on our faults and our troubles. In our daily lives, we often complain of difficulties or overwhelmed by worry and our to-do lists. The grief that may be deep within us can become the lens through which we view all of life. But this year, in 5773, this is the year to grab hold of joy and not let go. Appreciate the blessings, see the good around us, and enjoy simply being alive. Happiness gets short shrift in our society. I recently read an article that said that sadness is built into our DNA. But change and hope are built into the Jewish soul. One of my guiding memories is that of Rabbi Avraham Soetendorp, a leading rabbi in Europe, a Holocaust survivor, who helped build up the Dutch Jewish community after the war. We were at a conference together on the Shoah, and he had shared painful and harrowing memories that had clearly wounded his soul. But in the evening, a large party went to a restaurant in Amsterdam. Music was playing and Avram got up and began to dance. He encouraged us all, and soon, we were all following this man who laughed, sang and danced his way through the rest of the evening. Despite his wounds, his soul is full of joy, and he takes every opportunity to let it flow, and embrace it. Let this year be the year we face the future with hope and enjoy all that we can. Life is too short to focus on the tough times and miss the joy. Nahman of Bratslav,, wrote: Always remember, joy is not merely incidental to your spiritual quest. It is vital. Avinu Malkeinu,

8 Zochrienu L hayim tovim. God, give us a new year when we reach out for every chance to feel joy and gladness. So today, I hope and pray we can live in the present and be open to the future, try our very best, and then appreciate being good enough, be daring and joyful. Avinu Malkeinu, mchal lanu, uslach lchol avonoteinu. Avinu Malkeinu, chadeish aleinu shana tova. Avinu Malkeinu, Harem keren yisrael amecha. Avinu Malkeinu, Zochreinu l hayim tovim. Nahman of Bratslav translates for us: Let my cries and sighs heal me and restore me and bring me to joy. Let me never again succumb to bitterness or depressing thoughts. God, show me life s meaning. Give me courage and boldness and joy, a future of hope and a soul at peace with itself. May God bless us with a Shana Tova umetuka, a sweet and good new year and a year of peace throughout the borders of the world and in our souls. Amen